On The Wings of Never
By Peja
Fandom: Xfiles
Pairing: Mulder/Krycek
Rating: R
Summary: Every man has a breaking point
Note: I started this with Krycek one armed, but with all the other stuff, I’ve changed that so he at least has benefit of both hands.
Warning: Discussion of child molestation
On The Wings Of Never
By Peja
He was out there.
Mulder didn’t need to look out the window to know he would be stepping out of the shadows right now. He’d been there, at the setting of the sun, every night now for a month. Standing there, unmoving, almost unbreathing. Alone and vulnerable. Staring up at his window.
Waiting.
Fading back into the night as the clock struck midnight. Like some kind of unholy black mass held in plain sight.
Coming back night after night.
Waiting.
Mulder shook off the primitive apprehensions and shoved through the door, intending to put a stop to this nightly charade once and for all.
Across the street, Krycek dropped his gaze from Mulder’s apartment window, locking his green vacant stare on Mulder’s own.
The agent froze, stunned by the emptiness staring back at him. He didn’t know what he’d expected to see when he’d decided to confront the cunning assassin, but this was definitely not anywhere in the equation.
He took a step forward, squinting against the vision of destitution that was Krycek. Shook his head, trying to wrap his mind’s image around this creature and failed.
It didn’t make sense. Krycek had always been a suave creature, dressed to the nines in his own fashion, but the creature staring back at Mulder was....He shook his head again, thinking it would replace the grimy, ragged clothes, the tattered and torn rawhide that had once been a glamorous black leather jacket.
The creature’s usually neatly trimmed and styled hair now hung in a thick matted lump around his head, like a cheap imitation fashion doll’s hair that had melted into flossy glop. His clean shaven features were cloaked by a dark shadow of beard, but even that couldn’t hide the hollows of his face. Hollows that came from malnutrition.... and abuse.
"Krycek?" The name left his lips without thought.
Across the street the creature tilted his head slightly, a frown tugging his brows together as he struggled with some fleeting thought.
Mulder headed for the street, intent on facing this creature who was a poor mirror image of the beautiful man he hated.
The sound of a fast approaching car brought Mulder to a quick halt and he turned his head to watch the vehicle’s progress.
Across the street, Krycek also turned to watch the car.
Then as it drew near, he moved forward, stepping into the street directly in the path of the too fast to stop car that bore down on him.
His green glance reached out to capture Mulder’s horrified hazel one and he smiled weakly, once, before he turned back to watch his fast approaching death.
Mulder didn’t hear the scream of the brakes as he rocketed into the street. He caught Krycek in a flying shoulder tackle that swept both of them out of the path of danger.
Landing hard on the other man, Mulder barely noticed that the car had sped up once more, tearing out of range of insane men who were intent on dying.
He lay on Krycek’s still body, panting out the rush of adrenaline and letting his breathing come back to normal.
Once he pulled himself together he shoved himself upright over the other man and caught his breath.
Krycek stared vacantly up at him, without recognition.
"Krycek?" Mulder rasped, his voice coming hard.
The assassin’s eyes never flickered, staring off into something he alone could see.
Mulder bunched the tattered jacket and pulled the man upright.
Krycek hung limply in his hands, his head lolling on his neck, his arms curled limply against the street, his eyes staring, unblinking, into the madness.
And in the darkness, a night bird cried.
(2)
Scully shoved to her feet, leaving the creature staring at nothing behind her as she waved Mulder toward the kitchenette. "I don’t know what to think, Mulder," she said, pumping a drop of liquid soap in to her hands and working it into a lather. "Provided he’s not faking, he’s going to need 24 hour care." She plunged her hands under the warm, running water and scrubbed away the lather. "I’ll make arrangements for him to be taken to a clinic I know about," she ended, snatching up a hand towel and drying away the damp.
"No."
A frown crossed her elfin features and she stabbed him with her hard stare. "No?"
"No, Scully," Mulder said firmly. "No clinic."
"What then," she tried reason. "Mulder, I suspect that man isn’t able to manage the most basic functions. He’s filthy, battered, more than half starved.... He needs constant care just to survive." She frowned at the stubborn set of her partner’s face. "Mulder, are you listening to me? He’s as close to starvation as you can get and still survive. He’s dehydrated. His condition needs to be monitored."
"No clinic."
"Mulder....."
"Scully, if we put him in a clinic he’d be abducted out of it, or killed, before the ink was dried on the registration paperwork." He crossed his arms over his chest. "No clinic."
"Well, what then?" Scully demanded, storming back into the living room. "Look at him," she snapped, waving a frenzied arm at the near catatonic creature. "He can’t do anything for himself."
"He’s been able to come here every night for a month, Scully, " Mulder argued. "He’s kept one step ahead of the Consortium and still shown up here right on time every damn night."
"He’s got a chance of recovery at a clinic."
"He’s dead before we walk out the door."
"So what do you want to do with him?"
Mulder teased her with an arched brow and a crooked half-smile.
"Oh no, Mulder. No. You can’t keep him." She screamed, her arms flailing the air.
"Why not?"
Scully sputtered, searching desperately for words that would convince her stubborn partner. "He’s not a puppy you found on the street," She finally shouted in his face.
Moaning his fear, the creature that had been Krycek shuddered, drawing his legs up against his chest as if to hide himself.
"Now look what you’ve gone and done." Mulder brushed past Scully, hurled a furious glare her way and cautiously approached the wounded soul. "Its okay, now." He murmured, easing down on the sofa next to the other man and drawing the trembling body against his chest. "You’re safe, Krycek. I’ve got you. I’ve got you."
Krycek resisted the arms around him for a moment, then settled against Mulder’s chest, his haunted gaze locked on Scully.
"Its okay," Mulder crooned against the younger man’s matted hair. "I won’t let the mean lady hurt you."
Hurling her most dangerous scowl at Mulder, Scully pulled her cell out of her pocket. "I can’t believe I’m falling for this again," she grumbled. Catching the wide grin that ghosted over Mulder’s face at her murmurings, she scowled even darker and punched in a number on the phone. "You go get him cleaned up while I make some arrangements."
Mulder arched his brow quizzically.
"Well, you’re going to need some things if you really intend to keep him."
Chuckling, Mulder gave the man in his arms a friendly squeeze. "See, Krycek, she’s not as bad as she pretends."
The wounded creature turned his head into the protection of Mulder’s chest, shutting out Scully as effectively as if he’d slammed a door against her
(3)
"Come on, Krycek," Mulder coaxed, plucking at the top button of the younger man’s shirt. "Clothes off."
The drooping, dirt-matted head shook in curt refusal as Krycek back-pedaled into the farthest corner of the tiny bathroom.
"Krycek, no ones gonna hurt ya," Mulder promised. "You’ll feel better once you wash that dirt and....." His hazel eyes roamed over the smaller man, his nose wrinkling at the noxious scents clinging to the broken soul before him. "....Whatever that is all over you off."
Krycek shook his head again, white-knuckling his shirt.
"Ah come on, Alex...." Mulder began.
The cornered man’s screams reverberated off the walls as he sank to his knees, he hands raised, fluttering in an attempt to cover his face that fell short of success what with his obvious need to peek out from between his fingers at Mulder.
Mulder didn’t have time to take a step before Scully burst through the door, demanding to know what happened.
"Damned if I know," Mulder rasped, staring in a kind of fascinated horror at the cowering man. "I asked him to strip off for a shower and he got all funny." He took a step toward Krycek, "Alex, come on now...."
The man buried his face in the corner, clawing the wall with his one hand.
"Alex?"
Krycek shuddered convulsively at the sound of his name, whimpering in the back of his throat.
"Don’t use his first name, Mulder," Scully said softly. "Every time you say his name he flinches."
"Well, for Christ’s sake," Mulder snarled, hauling Krycek bodily out of the corner.
Krycek fought him, fists flailing without strength, feet lashing out without power.
Mulder subdued him by simply wrapping his arms around the weakened man and letting his struggles wear him out. In the end, Krycek hung limply in Mulder’s arms, sobbing brokenly.
Mulder’s own distraught gaze locked on Scully’s, silently begging for help. The red-head shrugged, too stunned by Krycek’s behavior to speak.
"Alex." Mulder felt the younger man flinch in his arms. "Alex, its all right." He curled a finger under Krycek’s chin forcing him to meet his eyes. "Do you hear me? It’s all right, Alex." He offered a weak smile. "You want to tell me what’s going on now?"
Krycek’s mouth opened, his lips moving, but no sound came from him.
"Come on, kid, you can do it," Mulder coaxed, smiling a bit more convincingly this time. "No one’s gonna hurt you."
Krycek’s lips moved again, his eyes darting frantically.
"What happened to you, Krycek?" Scully asked softly.
"The silo," Mulder whispered under his breath.
Krycek shuddered, whimpering, and buried his face against Mulder’s shoulder.
"Mulder, no...."
"It makes sense," Mulder insisted. "The last lead we had on him was the silo."
"Spender...."
A low keening filled the air, growing louder as Krycek once more struggled to escape Mulder’s arms.
"Spender had him locked up in the silo," Mulder said, his voice hard. "Isn’t that right, Alex? He held you prisoner in the silo, didn’t he?"
Krycek erupted from Mulder’s grasp scrambling into the corner and strafing the walls with his hands, tearing the nails loose from his fingers to leave bloody trails against the white paint.
"Alex," Mulder swooped in, gathering the trembling man into his embrace again. "Alex, stop."
A subtle shifting in the terrified man’s eyes sent a warning shiver through Mulder.
"Alex is a scaredy cat," the man’s voice had a sing-song quality like a small child. "Alex is a scaredy cat. I’m go-o-nna tel-ll."
"Krycek?"
"Stupid lady. Krycek is dead. Dead. Dead. Rottin’ in the ground." The sing-song voice responded again. Krycek tilted Mulder a child-glare. "Not ‘posed ta touch me, bad guy."
"Wha-a-t?"
"Tol’ me, anybody touch me bad ‘m ‘posed ta...." He drew a deep breath and screamed "Red Light. Bad man, bad man." Finishing with an ear-piercing childish screech.
(4)
"Jesus," Mulder snapped, holding his hands away from Krycek and back peddling a couple steps. "What the hell...."
"Krycek..."
The man child’s head swung toward her. "You stupid. I already tol’ ya Krycek died. Died screaming in his own head." He ducked his head, sniffling softly. "He scared me dyin’, but Ole’ Manny said I ‘ad better not whine. Said he’d whip ma hide raw if’n I made a fuss"
Mulder blinked once. "Old Manny?"
"Ma’ gramps.....Ole’ Manny takes care a me. Makes the others stop pickin’ on me just cuz I don’ wanna do what they say."
"What do you want right now?" Scully asked gently. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"
He hesitated a moment, a look of pure longing in his green eyes, then sighing heavily, he shook his head. "Ole’ Manny says I’se never ta take nothin’ from strangers." He glared at Mulder. "’special when a stranger wan’s ta put his hands on me. Ole’ Manny says..." He stopped, bowing his head. "I.... wan’ ice cream." He tipped his head, as if listening to something only he could hear. "No, gramps." A tear broke a dirty streak down his cheek. "I.. hun’ry."
Mulder exchanged a quick glance with Scully.
"Alex, listen..." Scully began.
"Alex ain’ here, stupid lady. He hidin’. Scart o’ that one," He pointed at Mulder. "He scart of .....everathin’ Scarety cat."
Scully ducked her head, rubbing her temple. "If Alex is hiding," she said reasonably. "And Krycek is dead...?"
The matted head nodded vigorously. "Dead an’ rottin’." He tilted his head, his lips pursing under a childish scowl. "Ole Manny says Alex ain’ far from the dyin’ eitha. Says Alex don’ wanna be no more. Won’ be long ‘fore he’s done faded ‘way." He met Scully’s eyes. "When Alex fades ‘way, wha’ gon’ happen ta me an’ the rest in here? Are we gonna fade ‘way too?" Another wave of tears washed down his cheeks. "I scart too. I don’ wanna be in the groun’. I wanna...play and color....and I wanna have ice cream an’...." He yawned suddenly, fisting his eyes like a child. "I’s tired now."
Scully nodded. "Its getting late. You say you’re not Alex."
The man nodded, yawning again.
"Do you have a name, then?"
He snorted. "’course I gots a name. Everabody has a name...." He frowned thoughtfully. "Don’ they?"
Scully couldn’t restrain her smile. "For the most part. Will you tell me your name?"
"I don’ know," he said, his head shaking. "Ole’ Manny says I gots to be careful. Says people might do bad things ta me if’n I...."
"Old Manny is right," Scully affirmed. "But I’m a doctor. I want to help you. If you’ll let me?"
"Bobby." He blurted out, clapping his filthy hands over his mouth as if to capture the word before it sounded.
Scully smiled again and offered her hand to the man. "It’s nice to meet you, Bobby. I’m Dana, and that’s Fox."
Bobby ignored her hand, glaring pointedly at Mulder. "Alex says he’s mean. Says he’ll hit me if I’se not good. Says he hits Krycek alls da time."
"Fox won’t do any such thing, Bobby." Scully said, smiling at Mulder’s obvious reaction to the slight. "You said Old Manny took care of you? Is he inside that body with you and Alex?"
Bobby nodded. "And Jethro, he’s not scareda anythin’ He keeps us all safe." He slanted Mulder a darting glance. "Jethro, he caught me playin’ with Krycek’s toys once. ‘Bout ta burn ma ears clean off with his shoutin’. But he only does it ‘cause he loves me. I’se knows that. They all does." He grinned, preening. "They calls me pre...pre...precocious."
Smiling to herself, Scully nodded at that. "Alex, Manny, Jethro and you? Is that all of the others, Bobby?"
"Dunno," he said. "They comes when they feels like it. Some more, some less..." he sighed. "I’m gonna miss Alex when he fades ‘way. He’s...nice ta me. Doesn’t treat me like a dumb baby, like some of ‘em does."
Another hasty glance passed between Mulder and Scully and she asked, "Bobby, how old are you?"
Krycek grinned widely and held up one hand, his fingers spread wide . "Five." He puffed out his cheeks and stared at Mulder. "Wanna know a sec’et?"
"Yeah, sure," Mulder said, tilting his head curiously. "If you want to tell me?"
Bobby giggled. "Alex likes ya."
"Wha....?" Mulder stammered.
"Ya could make him wanna stay. He’d stay fer ya if’n ya ask’t him. I know he would. An’ then I’se could stay too. An’ the rest."
"Well....ah...You see..." Mulder stammered to a halt, his eyes going to Scully helplessly.
"Bobby, you were saying you would like some ice cream?" Scully artfully distracted the child inside the man.
Grinning childishly, Bobby nodded. "Stra’berry. I’s like stra’berry" His head tilted suddenly and the light faded from his eyes. "Gramps says I’s gotta go now."
Head hanging, Bobby moved toward the door but Mulder intercepted him. "Where you going, Bobby?"
"We gots us a blanket and roll down by the bridge." Bobby mumbled, his head low. "I’s gets scart there. It’s dark...an’ Alex, he hates the dark. He screams hisself ta sleep sometimes in the dark an’ that scares me, but Jethro, he tells me ta go ta sleep and.....Sometimes, he won’ let me out again for days and days. I thinks a bad thin’ happens when he does that. I hurts in bad places, sometimes....But Jethro gives me...stuff we couldn’ ‘ford." He sighed, lifting his eyes to Mulder’s searching gaze. "I don’ think Alex will bring us back here now. I don’ feel his thoughts much. He’s gonna go ta sleep. Fade ‘way." Tears shimmered in his eyes, and he shrugged. "Gramps says ta tell ya I’s gotta go now."
(5)
"Stay," Mulder blurted out. "Bobby, stay here tonight."
Bobby’s head snapped up, his eyes narrowing and his hands fisting. "You touched me bad."
"No, Bobby. No." Mulder’s hand raked through his hair as his quick mind searched for the right answer. "I was only trying to calm Alex down. He was panicking. Hurting himself. Look at your hands. See the dried blood."
Bobby held his hands up, frowning at the stained tips. "Fingers....hur’" Tears erupted from his wide eyes. "You like my Alex?" he demanded, his tears streaming. "You gon’ ast him ta stay an’ not fade ‘way?"
"I..." He stammered, "Bobby, Alex has done a lot of bad things. I..."
"Stupid man." The boy-man shook Mulder off, tears burning down his flushed cheeks. "Alex was righ’. He said ya wasn’ gonna un’nerstan’. He said ya’d only ‘member the thin’s Krycek did." He shoved the other man away, darting past him, out of the bathroom and headed toward the front door, shouting, "Ya’s a bad man. A stupid bad man."
Mulder caught up with him at the door, spinning him around and pinning him to the door. Bobby fought him tooth and nail, but exhaustion turned the trick and he succumbed to Mulder’s possession, glaring up at him from hate-spitting green eyes.
"Bobby, listen to me."
"Fuck off, ya asshol’," Bobby screamed. "I’s shoulda listened ta the others. Shoulda neva’ talked ta ya."
"Bobby..."
"Ya think ya know...Ya think ya’re so smart, but ya don’ know nothin’. Nothin’"
"Then tell me."
A sullen glower was Bobby’s only response.
"Tell me."
"Fuck off."
"Bobby, I want to talk to Alex. Let me talk to Alex."
Bobby shook his head. "I ain’ neva’ gonna let ya..."
His angry words cut of suddenly and Mulder felt an eerie shifting in Bobby’s body, a change in the way he slumped in Mulder’s grasp. A shifting of the lines of his face. A softening that had none of Bobby’s brazen confidence. None of Krycek’s cunning deceit. Only....unquiet fear.
"Alex?"
Flinching, the man flushed deeply and turned his head away.
"Alex, it is you, isn’t it?"
The man in his grasp winced.
Mulder’s lips curved into a soft smile as he leaned close to him, whispering in his ear, "Gotcha."
Alex’ head whipped up, the color puddling away from his face. His lips moved in a silent ‘No’.
"Oh yeah, I do." Mulder murmured, his one hand moving in a soft caress on Alex’ arm. "You know why?"
Alex watched him, transfixed.
"You see, I figured it all out when Bobby told me you like me." He smiled a predator’s smile. "Why you turned traitor to Spender. Why you slipped me all that information, those leads. Why you’ve stood down on the street there for a month and stared like a love sick tom cat up here."
Alex closed his eyes, his head shaking no.
"You love me, don’t you? Don’t you, Alex?" Using his thumb under Alex’ chin, he forced the distraught man to meet his eyes. "That’s why you won’t ...fade away. Why you’re gonna stay alive."
Green eyes pleaded with him but Mulder shook his head. "You’re gonna stay alive, Alex, because I tell you to. Because no matter how much you may want to die, you want to please me more. And you know that the only way to do that is for you to stay alive. So you’re going to live, aren’t you. You’re not gonna fade away because I aid no t to, do you understand?"
Alex mouthed a silent yes, tears falling freely.
Smirking, Mulder released the other man. "You reek. Get your ass into that bathroom and clean yourself up." His gaze stabbed into Alex, daring the man to refuse. "And don’t give me any trouble, Alex. I can make life hell for you. You know that, right?"
(6)
Alex’ glazed gaze skirted Mulder to slam into Scully who stood just inside the room, watching. His jade glance moved back over Mulder’s hard features and he swallowed hard, nodding.
"Get moving, Alex." Mulder said softly, scowling as the man flinched under the sound of his own name.
Alex skiddled around Mulder and picked his way past Scully before kicking ass and scampering the rest of the way down the hall to the bath.
Watching the other man’s antics, Mulder grinned. "This is gonna be fun."
"What are you doing, Mulder?" Scully wanted to know. "What did you say to Bobby?"
"You buying into this, are you?"
Scully glanced down the hall, noticing the bathroom door stood wide open. A smile ghosted over her lips. "He’s playing an interesting game, if he’s playing." She met Mulder’s amused gaze with a stern look. "Either way, Mulder, I have to tell you, you’re taking on a real mess here."
Mulder tilted his head, tongue in cheek. "Gee, ya think?"
"I’m serious," she snapped, obviously just barely resisting the urge to stomp her foot. "MPD is not something to play with. Krycek could be dangerous."
A bark of laughter burst from Mulder. "Krycek has always been dangerous." He grew suddenly serious. "Listen, I do know what I’m doing here."
"Do you?"
He shrugged. "Look, its late, Scully. I have to get this situation straight before I’m done tonight."
"You want me to leave?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I do."
Her brilliant gaze skimmed over him and she sighed. Gathering up her things, she left.
A tight moan parted Mulder’s lips as he leaned his forehead against the door. "Maybe not so much fun."
He shoved himself into motion, tramping to the linen closet and finding a clean bath sheet, then over the his bedroom, rummaging in the drawers for a set of gray sweats before he stomped into the bathroom and gathered up Krycek’s filthy cloths. Wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into, he strode back to the kitchen. He pulled out a fresh garbage bag, stuffing the foul smelling rags in, tying the bag off and dropping it in the trash bin.
The sound of water stopping in the shower alerted Mulder to the fact that Alex had finished his bath and would be returning.
And if Bobby was hungry, he’d lay odds that Krycek....Alex would be too.
He slipped into the kitchen and in short order had dumped a can of chicken noodle into a pan and had it simmering merrily away.
But no Alex had appeared.
Checking that the burner was on the lowest setting, he stomped his way back down the hall, ducking his head into the rooms as he went in search of his irritating house guest.
He found the man standing in the middle of the bathroom, the towel hanging loosely around his waist, his head bowed so his chin rested on his chest.
A picture of absolute dejection.
"Alex?"
His head shot up and he took a step backwards, green eyes wide. And terrified.
"Hey, its just me. Relax, already."
Alex stared at him, the tension holding him rigid.
"I left ya some cloths there on the rack." Mulder’s hand arched toward the sweats, and Alex hurtled a swift glance there before his eyes swung back to Mulder. "Get dressed, Alex," Mulder said softly. "I’ve got some soup on the stove for ya when your ready for it." He breathed a soft laugh. "I suppose you know the way to the kitchen. You’ve broken in here often enough."
Alex’ fisted hand moved slowly in a circle over his chest, then curled, the pinky extended, and touched his chest before rising to brush the back of his fingers up over his cheek and ending in a cupped palm at his waist in a bowing motion. (Sorry. I’m ashamed.) He quickly fingerspelled Krycek’s name and crossed his fisted hands. Once again the fisted hand circled his chest, his head bowing (Krycek’s job. Sorry)
Scowling, Mulder advanced on him, snapping "What the hell is that?"
Fear had the man back-peddling away, and once more the unsettling shifting rippled over Alex’s features.
The huddled figure’s back straightened, green eyes slitting dangerously. "Back off, Mulder," the man drawled, aggression rippling off him in waves. "You are soooo not gonna crap on my Alex."
Mulder pulled himself up short, letting his curious gaze roam over the other man. "I take it you’re....Jethro?"
A smirk, not unlike Krycek’s trademark smirk tugged at the man’s lips as he dropped the towel.
"Jett’s good ‘nuff." He stepped into the sweat pants and pulled the strings tight. "Jethro is somethin’ of a mouthful, doncha think?"
Disoriented by the abrupt character change, Mulder forcefully snapped his mouth shut.
"Alex don’t talk, by the way. Hasn’t since old man Spender took him to his bed and made him...." He made a disgusted face, shaking his head. "The docs say he’s a voluntary mute, whatever that means?" He smirked again. "You said something about soup?" He slid past Mulder, letting his hand brush over the stunned man’s groin suggestively. "Coming?"
(7)
Sitting across from Alex...Jett at the table was an experience.
The man sprawled back in his chair, plucking the noodles, one by one out of the bowl with his fingers, letting them slid slowly into his mouth and then licking the length of his fingers with a look of pure sensual bliss. Once the noodles were gone, he lunged forward, grabbing up a slice of bread and rolling it into a log before dipping it into the broth and sucking it past soup glistening lips.
Soft groans of pleasure purred from him as he ate, taking an almost sexual delight in each bit.
Watching him, Mulder squirmed in his own chair, his thoughts going in directions they’d never gone before.
Finally the younger man leaned back, shoving his bowl away and let out a sigh that should only have followed a bout of exhausting sex.
"You get enough," Mulder managed to keep his voice from cracking by sheer force of will.
Green eyes touched him from between slitted lashes. "Mmmmm."
Under the fire in Ale....Jett’s gaze, Mulder squirmed in his chair. "Ah, feel up to talking?"
A seductive half-smile tugged Jett’s lips. He stretched backward, arching his back around the top of the chair so his chest thrust forward, his hands laced high above his head. "I thought," he cooed, his hand dropping to rub a soft caress over his left nipple. "We could...go ta bed."
There was a definite interest there, Mulder acknowledged, biting his lip to keep from vocalizing the hungry whimper wanting to make itself heard.
"You..." he cleared his throat and strove for strength. "You know there is a shirt that went with those pants, right?"
Jett chuckled, his hand circling over his bare torso. "Don’ need no stinking shirt." He tilted his head, glancing down at himself. "Don’ ya like what ya see?"
Mulder shook his head. "You’re a bit on the scrawny side."
Hurt flared in Jett’s eyes and was instantly, ruthlessly squelched. He shoved to his feet, taking his dirty dishes to the sink and rinsing them out.
"You don’t have to do that."
"Yeah," Jett said finishing up with a quick wipe-down. He turned, hand towel in hand and leaned his hip on the counter. "Yeah, I do." He hung the towel up with an exhausted sigh. "Look, lets just do the fucking thing and get it out of the way, okay?"
"The....fucking thing?"
"Come on, man, I owe ya that much, don’ I? Ya save Alex’ life, well, all our lives when the idiot tries to take himself out, and us with him. I mean what was the man thinkin’?" He shook him head. "I want to thank ya for the kid’s life, by the way. He don’t deserve ta die like that." A hand snaked up to shove back his hair. "Then instead of kicking Alex’ ass and leavin’ him out there ta bleed out, ya bring him up here and call your she-devil partner so she can play doctor all over us and feel ever so damn good about herself. Hell, ya even try to clean him up. Don’ do that again, by the way. He ain’t good in small places. Ain’t good at all. Manny an me take care of the tight shit. Krycek tried, but that damn silo was too much for even him."
Mulder nodded. "Bobby said he’d faded away...."
"Nah, he’s still here. Buried down so deep he might never find his way clear again, but he’s here. Spender broke him, ya know? Broke him into a million pieces, so we keep him locked down behind a gate so thick ya can almost forget he’s there.....Till he starts screamin’"
"What did happen there? In the silo, I mean?" Mulder asked, leaning forward in his excitement.
Anguish flared in Jett’s eyes again, and stayed this time. "You really are some kind of bastard, aren’t ya?" Sighing, his eyes dropped. "Krycek, he might have taken the brunt of that trip for the rest of us, but we were there, too. We knew what was going on. That we’d been left in that dark, locked room with the alien oil. That we were gonna die. No way we couldn’t, not with Spender making a visit to us at least once a day. I can still hear him telling us we were going to die. That no one cared enough to come for us." Another sigh rattled through him as his eyes closed on unshed tears. "Alex wouldn’t believe him, kept saying you’d come. You’d rescue us." His eyes were cold on Mulder’s. "Until the day Spender told him you’d been there. That even you had left him to die. I think that was when he finally gave up. Both him and Krycek. When we lost our edge."
He pushed away from the counter and strode out of the kitchen.
"Jett," Mulder chased after him, catching him by the arm in the middle of the living room and swinging him around. "I....I’m sorry."
Jett shrugged, his eyes shuttered. "Don’ matter, does it? What’s done and all that."
Slipping an arm around the shattered man, Mulder guided him to the sofa and settled them down with Jet curled up on his shoulder. "You keep saying Alex talks to you. How long has Alex been mute, Jett?"
Jett pulled away from him, sprawling with his legs flung out before him, his head resting against the back of the sofa. "Alex was one of the Consortium kids." He said through a world weary sigh. "His so called abduction happened when he was four."
Mulder’s head reeled under that, a thousand questions boiling in his head.
"Spender’s always had an eye for the pretty little boys." Jett continued. "Alex had the misfortune to catch his attention right from the start. He took the kid into his ‘school’ that day. And into his bed a couple months later." He closed his eyes on the thoughts running through his head. "Spender gifted Alex with his first anal fuck on his fifth birthday. That night he stopped talking and Krycek was born."
(8)
"Five," Mulder breathed, shaking his head. "Alex has been like this since he was....five?"
"Ah, nonononono," Jett snarled bolting off the sofa and pacing back and forth before Mulder’s widening eyes. "You don’t get to feel sorry for Alex. You don’t get to do that to him after all you’ve already done. Its just not gonna happen."
"What the hell are you on about?" Mulder floundered, at a complete loss.
"What am I on about?" Jett’s hands clenched and unclenched several times. "You have the balls to ask me that? Who the fuck do you think you are? After everything...." He shuddered violently as his eyes took on a diamond shimmer behind unshed tears. "Everything...."
"What, everything?"
The rage puddled in Jett’s shallow features. "You really don’t get it, do ya?"
Assuming a sheepish look, Mulder shrugged on shoulder. "Tell me what’s got you so upset."
"You really don’t know?" Jett sneered, flinging his arms out at his sides. "Look at me."
His confusion showed in his hazel eyes. "I am looking at you."
"Yeah? But you’re not, are ya?" he demanded, green eyes burning with a passion that had nothing to do with desire.
"Jett...."
"Fuck you." He snarled, eyes blazing. Fuck you, Mulder."
"Please, Jett...."
"Oh come on, be honest. What do you see when you look at me?" He raked his hair back. "Who do you see?"
Mulder blinked, his confusion spiking. "Alex. I see...Aex."
"Asshole." Jett spun on his heel, resuming his pacing at an even quicker speed. "Asshole. Ass hole. Ass hole."
Mulder shook his head, wondering if the man was having a psychotic episode.
Jett was suddenly in his face, his pallid features pinkened with emotion. "You don’t even know Alex."
"Wha....?"
"You only ever knew Krycek." His lips curled in a dark sneer.
Mulder flinched away, as if he’d been slapped. "I......"
"Yeah, Krycek. The man who betrayed you. The man you hate. The man you want to kill. Krycek....That’s who you see when you look as me. At Bobby."
"Kry...cek?"
Jett drew a shaky breath. "Ah, Jesus, Alex was right. He was right." He turned his back to Mulder, burying his face in his hands. "We’re not strong enough. Without Krycek, we’re not strong enough."
Mulder’s fingers curled around the distraught man’s arms. "You are, Jett. You’re strong as any man."
Jett shook his head.
He turned Jett into his loose embrace and tipped his head up to capture his haunted gaze. "Yes, Jett. Yes." He smiled a little sadly. "Maybe I did see Krycek at first. Maybe, but not now. Not having time with you, with Bobby. You may wear the same body, but you’re...different. Your personalities. The way you move...gesture." he paused, staring hard into the other man’s eyes. "I wouldn’t mistake you for any of the other people inside you."
"And Alex?"
The smile warmed. "Alex...He’s so....vulnerable. It’s amazing the things he’s experienced haven’t destroyed him."
"Krycek kept him sane," Jett said softy, his lashes dropping to veil his gaze. "Krycek kept us all sane. And it cost him is own sanity."
(9)
Mulder watched the passionate rage drain out of Jett’s sparkling eyes, replaced by dim regret. Felt the tension drain in the proud body as he slumped against him and thought for a moment that Jett had fled.
"It cost him his sanity." Jett whispered again, raggedly. "He took all the torment on himself. Protected us from the hurt that was our life. And it destroyed him." He drew a shuddering breath. "We.... destroyed him."
"You can’t shoulder that, Jett," Mulder said, tugging the man deeper into his embrace and rocking him gently. "Krycek is....was a smart man. A survivor. He knew what he was doing."
Jett shook his head. "The oil shook him. He wasn’t thinking. Just reacting." He pushed against Mulder, but Mulder’s arms tightened holding him relentlessly and finally the man settled, panting against Muler’s chest. "We felt his fear. I begged him to let me out from under. I thought if we could take the fear together we could get out of there whole, but he said Spender would find out about the rest of us. That the only way any of us where gonna get out alive was if he took it all." Jett drew a shuddering breath. "I’m not Krycek. I don’t have his strength. I....I’m gonna get us caught and he would have gone mad for nothing."
"No, Jett.," Mulder murmured against his hair. "You’re going to be fine. I’m here now. I’ll protect you."
END this part
http://www.dissociation.com/
http://www.psycom.net/mchugh.html