Rum Cookies

by Hellborne

the_ferret_mom@yahoo.com

Pirates of the Caribbean – PG

Copyright: Characters, not mine, See the Mouse. Story, mine, but I make no money. He does, but not on this.

Summary: This story takes place 10 years after the movie. It’s Christmas at the Turner’s House, and Elizabeth Has surprises for Jack and Will. This ficlet was made specifically to cheer up Wren Griffin on the SparrowandNorrington group on Yahoo.

NOTE: I live for reviews, whether good, bad, or ugly. Please let me know if you like it or how it could be improved.



Rum Cookies
by Hellborne
* - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

Christmas had always been Elizabeth’s favorite time of year, and this year was going to be special. After having been gone for the last two years to Singapore, the Black Pearl had returned to Tortuga. She’d missed her two pirates, but although they had docked the night before, they had yet to come home.

The decorations were up, the turkey was in the oven, and she was just about to start on the cookies when she heard the door slam open and two loud drunken voices singing a Christmas Carol horribly off key stampeded through her ears.

“My lady went to Caunterbury
The saynt to be her bothe
She met with cate of Malmesbery
Why shepyst thou in an apple rote”

The pair stumbled their way into the house an arm around each others’ shoulders, by all appearances trying to hold each other up. Both were grinning. She barely recognized her husband. His hair had grown substantially longer, falling in curls half way down his back. His pencil thin mustache and goatee had grown into a rather bushy full beard that tried to hide a skin-darkened face. He was wearing a thin, royal blue head band that trailed down his back. But his eyes were all Will.

Jack, on the other hand, was pure Jack, though his hair and beard had some white streaks, and his clothes had certainly changed! He wore a black shirt and breeches, but over that had on a large forest green velvet coat with white trim. He also had a rather full-looking matching velvet bag over his shoulder.

“SHHHH! You’ll wake Bill,” Elizabeth hissed. She tired to quiet the two refugees from the all-nighter they’d obviously been to.

“HELLO ‘LIZABEFF!! Don’t ye have a kiss for yer favorite pirate?!” Jack obviously didn’t hear her.

Apparently Bill did, though. The crying started low, but soon reached tear-wrenching proportions. Will looked confused, and Jack didn’t seem to notice. Elizabeth ran from the room, returning with a rather loud, wriggly child. Will stared, dumbfounded. Jack finally seemed to notice something. “’Lizabeff, who’s yer friend?”

“This, my dear pirates, is Bill. William Turner the Third, to be precise.” She showed the baby to them. The child looked the spitting image of his father, though he had his mother’s eyes. Will sat down in shock on the floor, suddenly rather sober.

Jack stared at the baby, who had started playing with the beads in his beard. “How old is he?”

“Fifteen months. From what I can tell, he was a little ‘going away present’ from my husband on the morning you sailed.”

Jack lowered the bag he was carrying carefully to the ground and took the baby from Elizabeth. He cooed and played with the baby as if he was around babies all the time. “He’s a cute little pirate, Lizzabeff, and big fer ‘is age. ‘e’s as big as a two year old, isn’t ‘e?”

“Yes, Jack. I’m surprised. How do you know so much about babies?”

“I was a whelp meself once, y’know. Besides, I’m Captain Jack Sparrow!” He winked. “Well, we made it back when I promised, didn’t we? I said we’d be back a year from Christmas and I meant it!”

Will looked up at Elizabeth. “How could it happen?”

Jack looked at him sideways, one eyebrow disappearing into his scarf. “If you don’t know that, mate, I don’t think you should have married the girl.”

“No! I mean…I KNOW how it happened, but…a baby? My son? How…?”

Jack chuckled. “Whelp, shut up and hold yer son. I think he’d rather meet his father than an old codger like me anyways.” He passed the baby down to Will, who watched, fascinated as HIS baby started to pull on HIS beard.

“Ow! Jack, you were right. I don’t look right with this beard! Help!”

Elizabeth took Bill from Will. “Some brave pirate you are, Will Turner! I’ll put him back to sleep if you GENTLEMEN will keep quiet. She left the room.

Jack helped Will to his feet and they started looking around. The house had changed very little except for several toys littering the furniture. The painting they had commissioned of the three of them adorned the space over the mantle, on which sat the carving that Jack had made of the Black Pearl. But Will noticed something odd about the hat stand in the corner near the door. It had two men’s hats on it, along with a pair of men’s boots that he’d never seen before. He decided not to mention it right away, though, in case she decided to mention it herself.

Jack wandered into the kitchen. He saw many ingredients on the table along with a large mixing bowl and…”Don’t you even THINK of touching that rum Jack Sparrow! I’m making cookies for tonight!” Elizabeth appeared in the doorway, her hands on her hips.

Jack flinched away, looking scared of her. “No love! Wouldn’t DREAM of it! Perish the thought COMPLETELY! I LOVE rum cookies!”

Elizabeth walked over and picked up the bottle, smiling. “Good. Then you won’t mind if I actually use the rum for the cookies, and not pickling pirates.”

“Go right ahead, love. I don’t mind a bit! In fact,” he picked up the bowl and the eggs, “I’d like to help!” He gave her a big, innocent-looking grin.

“And do you even know how to crack an egg?”

“Of course, love!” He put the bowl down and cracked an egg into it with one hand, tossing the eggshell into the garbage, followed by the other one. “I cook as well as I pirate!” He smiled and grabbed the spoon, stirring the eggs. “Rum, love.” She handed him the bottle and watched. He pulled the cork out of the bottle with his teeth and poured a generous amount into the bowl, then took a swig himself. “Sugar?”

“Huh?” She seemed transfixed by his cooking skills.

“Hand me the sugar, love. And the molasses.” She handed him the ingredients as he requested them and watched as he juggled them into the mixture, all the while humming a Christmas carol and taking swigs of the rum between. He didn’t look at the recipe, and he didn’t measure, yet the batter looked perfect to Elizabeth.

Jack finished with his batter, and started shaping the batter into a bar, then chopped them into thin slices onto a cookie pan. When he finished with that, he opened the oven and slid them in underneath the turkey. He turned to Elizabeth, hands on hips. “So, Lizabeff, can you time that or do I need to do it meself? I think William will want a shave before he sees his son again, and as he’s drunk I think maybe I’d better do it for ‘im.”

“But aren’t you drunk too?”

“Nah. Will can’t hold his rum. We only went through three bottles the whole night.” He grinned and left the kitchen for his own room where he kept all his personal effects while at home. He still wondered that he had a land life at all, but Elizabeth and Will had insisted that he stay with them when he was in Tortuga, and it only made sense. He walked through the living room where he found Will lolled on a chair, asleep and holding a wooden wagon, then hopped up the stairs to his room. He bent down to grab the shaving kit from under the bed, and pulled himself up by the edge, to find himself nose to nose with…

“Captain Sparrow!”

“Commodore Norrington!” The commodore appeared to have been sleeping in Jack’s bed. Jack pulled a dagger. Norrington fairly leaped to the opposite end of the bed. He was wearing a nightshirt. He jumped off the foot of the bed to grab his sword, but found the knife at his throat, and Jack grinning. “And what, may I ask, are ye doin’ in MY bed, in MY room, in WILL’S house without us here, eh?”

“Captain Sparrow, it’s not the way it sounds! I come here once a month to baby sit so that Elizabeth can have some time to herself.”

“And exactly what do you get in return?” Jack grinned, though it never reached his eyes.

“Nothing that propriety would object to. I get my meals, and I get some much needed rest away from the fort.”

“You call watchin’ a fifteen month old whelp REST?”

“Yes, in fact I do, compared to the entire FORT full of two-year-olds that I have to try to train into proper soldiers! The crown has determined that I need more men for the protection of Port Royal, so they sent me 200 recruits from England. These boys are barely 16, and young Bill Turner is more mature.”

Jack laughed. “Aye, I believe that. Now, as for your plans for Will and myself: We don’t plan to go quietly, and this ain’t Port Royal.”

“No, of course not! I am here as a guest, not in any official capacity. Elizabeth and I had spoken long on this quite some time ago. While I refuse to call you a ‘friend’ as Elizabeth claims we should be, I can certainly be civil. And no, this isn’t Port Royal, and as such I have no authority anyway. Now, could you please put that dagger away?”

Jack looked at his dagger, not realizing he still had it out. He was rather fascinated by the turn of events. “Right, mate.” He put it away and offered
his hand. Call me “Jack”

Norrington shook it. “You may call me James here.”

“Not when we’re tryin’ t’sink each other?”

“Obviously not.”

“Well, I’ve got some shavin’ t’do. Ye might want to get dressed and come down. ‘Lizabeff has cookies comin’ out of the oven, and they’re me favorites, so if ye don’t grab ‘em fast, they’ll be gone.” He grabbed the shaving kit he’d dropped during the exchange and walked out. Norrington noticed a slight limp, but knew that any sailor might pick up an injury to the leg, and pirates more than sailors. He dressed quickly and followed.

Elizabeth brought out the cookies, still hot from the oven. Jack scurried over like a little boy, eyes twinkling and a hand out to grab a cookie. Elizabeth allowed him ONE cookie, slapping his hand away when he tried for a second before the first was eaten. “Leave some for everyone else, Jack. I swear, I’ll have to make three more batches just for you!”

Jack took a bite and had a yummigasm right there, moaning in pleasure. “That ye will, love. I told ye, I LOVE rum cookies, and I dare say, these are the rummiest!”

“I’ll say. You put in three times the rum I had planned for them.” She took a nibble of one. “They are delicious though.” She took another bite and put the plate of cookies on the table, then she noticed Norrington. “James! You’re just in time for cookies.” Jack looked at her, frowning, though his eyes twinkled. “Oh dear! Jack, it’s not what it looks like!”

“And what does it look like, dear ‘Lizabeff? You have a friend who wishes to help with the baby and you’re blushin’ like you have somethin’ t’hide.”

“I mean…you KNOW why he’s here? Oh thank God!”

Norrington smiled. “Jack, you know why I’m here, but why do you have a room in the Turners’ house?”

“It’s cheaper than a brothel, mate, and I usually end up helpin’ William home anyway, so why not just sleep here? That, and ‘Lizabeff and William made me promise. Said I needed a family life, so now I’m basically father to them.” He thought a moment. “And grandfather to the little one, I guess.” He grabbed the plate of cookies. “Have a rum cookie, Jamie! They’re from me own secret recipe!”

James tried one. He somehow believed that he could get drunk on these. “Quite a bit of rum in them, isn’t there?”

“Of course! They wouldn’t be rum cookies without rum! Which reminds me. ‘Lizabeff, was that bottle the ONLY bottle of rum in the house?”

“Yes, Jack.”

“Then I’m off to fetch some more. Jamie, could you shave Will for me? He’s a mite unconscious right now, so I think it might be easier to shave him that way instead of wobblin’, don’t you?” He grabbed three cookies, handed the plate to Norrington, and fairly skipped out of the house, though James could still see that he was favoring the one leg.

James set the plate back on the table, taking another cookie and eating it as he fetched the shaving kit from where Jack had dropped it. First, he took the scissors and trimmed the beard back to a good shaving length, though he left a tiny piece at the tip of Will’s chin alone, thinking he may want a braid like Jack’s. Then he got the shaving brush wet and built up a good foam, then smeared it all over Will’s beard area, leaving the mustache for now. He took the straight razor and began at Will’s ear, going down to the chin area, leaving a smart looking goatee. He started the other side, but as he got to Will’s neck, Will woke up.

The first thing that Will saw was Commodore Norrington standing over him with a straight razor. His eyes went very wide, and he pushed hard to get some distance between them and reached for his dagger. “My God! Elizabeth, grab the baby and get out of here! He’s not taking us. Jack!”

James sighed and brought out the pocket mirror from the shaving kit. He tossed it to Will. “I was SHAVING you, Will. Per Jack’s own orders. Now put that away before you hurt yourself and let me explain while I finish SHAVING you.”

Will looked into the mirror dubiously. Half of his face was clean-shaven; the other was partially done. Confused, he put his dagger away and relaxed a bit. “You’re not here to arrest us?”

“No, Will. I’m here as a guest.” He moved in with the razor. “Now let me finish and see how you like it.” Will relaxed, listening while he got shaved.

* - * - *

When Jack returned, he found Will looking rather good with his pencil thin mustache back, along with his tiny goatee, but with the addition of a single braid from the center of it, with a bead at the end. James was looking pleased with himself, and Elizabeth was busy running her hands along her husband’s newly shaven face, kissing him. The cookies were gone. “Good thing I brought a keg, then. Drinks all around!” He rolled the keg in, heading for the table.

"Kitchen, Jack!” Elizabeth was tapping her foot.

Jack sighed, and rolled it into the kitchen. Several minutes later, he came out, two plates of cookies in his hands, his eyes twinkling.

The day went by quite enjoyably. Jack opened the bag he’d brought and presented gifts from Singapore to Elizabeth, who ogled over the beautiful statues, clothing, and perfumes. After a while, Bill woke up and they let him run around and play. He was a veritable bundle of energy, and both Jack and Will could understand why Elizabeth would need help to take care of him. He knew who his father was; Elizabeth must have shown him the painting and pointed out who was who. He called James “Uncle James”, but his favorite new toy seemed to be the one he called “grampa.” Jack smiled at the name. It was nice to be loved by one’s family, though he’d never admit it on the Pearl.

By evening, everyone was rather drunk on cookies and rum (except Bill, who was drunk on attention), and as they ate dinner, Jack told Elizabeth and James stories about their trip to Singapore. Will was listening, making sure that the pirate captain didn’t OVERLY embellish it, and making sure he didn’t make up something about Will that he wouldn’t want his wife to hear. He did notice that Jack’s language had changed between what he said at the bar the previous night and what he said in front of the baby. He chuckled to himself about it. Big pirate. Yeah. ‘Grampa.’

James put Bill to bed at a reasonable time, staying with him till he was asleep. They talked into the wee hours of the morning, and finally, Elizabeth yawned, declaring that it was time for bed.

Jack looked at her, then at James. “Well, mate, you’re used to me bed now, so I guess I’ll just sleep on the floor. It’s not like I haven’t done that in the past.

“No no, Jack, it’s your room. You take the bed and I’ll sleep down here. I’ll be fine. I’d planned on that since we saw the Black Pearl sail in.”

Jack shrugged. “Either way, mate.” He watched the Turners go up the stairs together, and smiled.

James noticed. “Why the smile, Jack?”

“It’s nice to have kids, James. A family. I never really had one of those. It feels good.”

“I understand.” He looked at him seriously. “What happened to your leg? I saw you favoring it.”

Jack stopped smiling, looking sad. “Just age, Jamie. Just age. When ye get to be my age, the joints tend to get a mite rusty. Me hip tends to predict the weather now, and we’ll have rain in the morning.”

“Have you thought of giving up piracy?” James seemed sincerely interested.

“That’s what I’m trainin’ Will for, Jamie. One more successful venture and I’m out o’the business. Now that I have a family, I can settle in and relax in me old age.”

“Why not just retire and let Will take up blacksmithing here? Then you’d have the whole family here at once all the time. I would think that you’d enjoy that a lot more.”

“Jamie, what I have done for the last ten years is far more important than anything I’d done before. The trip to Singapore was to make sure that Will can take care of long voyages and their singularly interesting perils. He can, and more. But the real business of the Pearl is far more sinister and insidious than your ‘King and Country’ mind could comprehend. And Will is almost to the point that he can be bloodthirsty enough to make sure that there are no witnesses. But it’s important to me to keep the Pearl’s name clear, so I’ll keep trainin’ ‘im till he has it down. There are no others that I would trust with this job.”

“What ARE you doing, Jack?”

“Nothing I care to share, Commodore. Like I said, I’ll keep the Pearl’s name clear no matter what, and I don’t want to have to kill you. So go to sleep, Jamie, and have good dreams of trying to catch the fastest pirate ship in the Caribbean.”

“I won’t tell anyone. You have my word as an officer and a gentleman.”

Jack looked at him closely. James looked quite sincere, and Jack knew he was one to wear his thoughts on his sleeve. “We hunt and kill slavers, Jamie, and let the slaves go free. Nothin’ in this world is more evil than stealin’ money from the crown, eh, Jamie? Even if it frees them wot never done anythin’ wrong but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s what we do. And if word gets back to me that ye’ve told anyone, I’ll prove yer a liar by sacking Port Royal flatter than a lake in still wind. Savvy, Commodore?”

“I savvy completely. And between us as men, Jack, I hope you never get caught. Good night, Jack.”

“Good night, Jamie. And Happy Christmas to ye.” Jack took the last cookie from the tray and nibbled on it on his way up the stairs to bed.



* - * - *
End