Potion

By Sarah Saint Ives

*I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem*

There were twelve girls from the university’s chemistry lab, all wearing their labcoats, hair twisted on the backs of their heads as they entered the room where guest-speaker, Dr. Derek Rayne was sitting at the desk. He stood as they approached him. "Hi, girls. What can I do for you?" "We heard your lecture. We liked your theories on Theology/Philosophy. It was very thought-provoking." said Kara, their obvious leader. During the lecture, Kara had been the persistent questioner, the only one out of a hundred students. "Now, we'd like to run something by you that we have invented. Do you have any objections to being our test subject? We have created a truly scientific love potion and we need someone to test it on." He smiled and glanced at his watch. "I've got about twenty minutes. I have an appointment, but not until four. Show me what you have, girls." Harmless enough distraction.

Kara was wearing gloves. She stepped up to him with a container of lotion-like liquid and began to apply it to his hands and arms. He resisted at first, then surrendered and allowed her to smear as much of his arms as his sleeves gave her access to, then she attacked his face with the lotion.

"Kara, don't..." It was too late. She already had his lower face and neck covered with it. In annoyance, he let her rub it in. "What's this supposed to do?"

"It attracts the opposite sex."

He nodded. "If it works, remember there are twelve of you. I cannot possibly defend myself against so many women."

The group laughed and Kara stepped back. "It will take about twenty four hours to take effect. We want to know how it's working later. Can you call us and give us a report?"

"Sure." he said. "Give me your phone number." Then, after several giggles, he added, "So I can let you know how it is working." Kara handed it to him on a filecard and he slipped it into his breast pocket. "Have you tested it before?" he asked.

"We've all tried it. None of us are virgins any more." Kara said, smiling.

He smiled, too. "What if I get accosted by women I'm not attracted to?"

"That happens a lot." she said. "We had trouble with the no-good boys who hang out in the pool room all the time."

He sat down on the edge of the desk. "I'm dizzy."

"Oh, yeah, it doesn't last long." Kara took him by the arm. "It's already working. It took a long time for us." She frowned in concern. "Maybe this batch was stronger."

"Donna spilled more of the Aphrodite Chemical in it." one of the girls tattled.

Kara's mouth went wide. "How much?"

"Half the bottle."

"Donna? Why didn't you say something?"

Donna looked guilty. "I didn't think it would hurt anything. I thought maybe...if we were going to use it on a man, that he would need more of the chemical. He's the first man who's tried it, you know."

Kara gazed into Derek's eyes and saw that he was very near to passing out. "Sit down." she said, pushing him down into the chair. Suddenly, he was looking up into the circle of girls surrounding him. He took in a deep breath and experienced an internal tremor. He closed his eyes. Swirling, motion, queasiness, muscles that would not relax, gripped to the point of pain, then the softness of feathers, quiet, pink and white lights while he floated weightlessly. No more pain. Awareness left him for a time.

It was only Kara beside him when he opened his eyes again. He sat up, visibly shaken. "That's some potent drug you put on me, Kara." he complained. "I think I need to go home and take a shower now, before it causes some other terrible side effect."

Kara was gazing at his face. "Too late. You can't take a shower. You have to leave it on for twenty four hours. It smells pretty bad at first but it doesn't last long. Here, let me put some on your chest."

"No! You've done enough already!" he grabbed the front of his shirt protectively. "Go away now, girl, and leave me alone!"

She grinned and handed him a second bottle. "This is the catalyst, but it won't work until after twenty four hours. Take a shower and then rub this on all the places we put the other. Be careful and don't let this get in your hair. Let me tell you the dos and don'ts for the next twenty four hours, though. Can you remember all this?"

"Tell me." Derek said, in annoyance.

"Don't drink any alcohol, don't take any aspirins, don't eat any grain cereals or any seafoods, don't take a shower, and don't exert yourself physically. Also, don't have sex."

"Those are all don'ts. What are the dos?"

"*Do* sleep all you can. That's it. Sleep."

He shoved the bottle into his pocket. "Thank you." he said.

"I'll be going now." she said, backing away. "Thanks for letting us use you as a subject and....sorry for all the inconvenience."

He nodded, looking at his watch again. It was three fifty five. Her twenty minutes was gone. He had to hurry if he wanted to make the appointment with the antique dealer. Grabbing up his books, he made a fast dash to his Range Rover and pitched them in, then drove like a madman to the shop on Second Street, thirty two blocks from the San Francisco university. It was seven past four when he walked in the door. The antique dealer's name was Pete Mills. He and his wife Joyce had run the shop for a decade, mostly selling antiques, but other items as well. The sword Derek had come to buy was expensive, a sale that was very important to the aging couple.

Pete and Joyce met him with smiles. "You're late, Dr. Rayne!" Joyce said, moving to draw him into the curtained room behind the shop's front. "You look flushed. You're not sick, are you?" She was busily inspecting his face. "Look at him, Pete, he looks sick, doesn't he?"

Pete came to join them as they sat at a table in the back. "Let's see." He caught Derek's head in his hands and looked at his face, imitating a doctor's examination. "I don't see nothing wrong with him. He looks fine. You're paranoid, woman! Go get us some tea! That'll make him feel all better. It'll make me feel better, too, if you put some of that scotch in it."

Joyce nodded. "That's a good idea. Tea will perk you right up. I'll get you that special herbal tea." She scurried over to the kitchen area and it was then that Derek realized they lived here. This was not just their shop, it was their home. He mused to himself that these two reminded him of Archie and Edith from that silly old TV show. What was the name of that show, anyway....?

After a half hour of nonsensical, pre-sale banter, three cups of the scotch-laced herbal tea and a couple of doughnuts, the sword was finally presented, wrapped in a heavy Oriental rug. Derek carefully unwrapped it and lifted the precious item, gazed at it in appreciation. It was Oriental, too, from China, made by a Holy Man in the 1700s.

The hilt was decorated with a dragon, the blade gleamed in the light, razor-edged on but one side. He nodded as he stood back from them and swished it through the air in a few ungainly practice swings. "It's beautiful." he said, as he took his seat again.

Joyce pulled her chair up next to him. "So you want to buy it?"

"Yes." Derek answered. "I want to buy it."

Pete was sitting on his other side. "You'll pay the price I asked?"

"Yes." From his pocket, Derek handed him a certified check for one hundred and seventy five thousand dollars. "It's well worth it." Pete's eyes got wide. He showed it to Joyce, and her eyes got wide, too. She threw her arms around Derek kissed him on both cheeks, and went to get them some more of the spiked tea.

"It's good doing business with you." Pete said, shaking his hand. Before Derek managed an escape with his newly purchased sword, he was hugged repeatedly by Joyce, patted on the back and shoulders again and again by Pete and had drunk far too much of the herbal tea. His bladder was near the bursting point as he drove toward the ferry.

By the time he reached his home, a huge, ivied castle on Angel Island, he was not sure he would make it to the bathroom in time, and his head was buzzing with the liquor. His timing was precise getting to the toilet, but the buzzing continued. As he laid the sword on the bed, something in the back of his mind reminded him of Kara's warning to sleep, but he was to excited about the new sword to exercise caution. It had all been a child’s prank, anyway, he thought.

He changed into swim trunks and went downstairs to the indoor pool. He began to swim laps slowly, carefully, then became intense and driven. He wasn’t normally so fanatical about his swimming. He felt different. Strange.

His head was beginning to pound from the effects of the tea and the vigorous workout. He massaged his throbbing temples as he climbed the stairs again to his room. He found the bottle of pain relieving tablets in the medicine cabinet and popped the top, reading on the label to see that they were aspirin based. He laughed at the the memory of Kara's warning. College girls and their imagination, he thought. He took seven of the pills, then stripped off the wet trunks and took a long, luxurious shower.

He was celebrating his ownership of the new sword, so in tribute, he decided to have supper in San Franciso at his favorite Chinese restaurant. He called Nick in the control room, the only other Legacy member who wasn’t working in the field. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

"What kinda question is that? You know me." Nick answered.

"Can I buy you supper? Chinese?"

"Sure. Sounds great. I’ll get ready."

"Good. I've got something to show you."

Nick was curious. "What is it?"

"I bought a new sword."

"Like you don't already have enough swords around here. They’re on every wall."

"It's Chinese."

Now, Nick's voice was uneasy. "How much did you pay for it, Derek?"

"That's none of your business."

"Okay. If that’s the way you want it."

Derek sighed. "A hundred seventy five thousand."

Nick drew a long sigh and Derek could picture his troubled young face, the hand that combed fingers through his dark brown hair, the piqued shake of his head. "I've got to go change clothes. When are we leaving?"

"In a few minutes. Whenever you’re ready." Derek hung up the phone and went to take up the sword again, swung it around a few times before he got dressed for dinner.

Nick knocked on his door ten minutes later, a quiet look of disapproval on his face. "Let me see the sword." he said.

Derek handed it to him. "It's worth what I paid for it. Actually, it's worth more."

Nick wasn't convinced. He handled the sword, pitching it from hand to hand and swinging it a few times around the room. It was evident that he had handled a sword before. "It's light. Made in China, you say?"

"Yes."

Nick played with it for a few more minutes, then put it back on the rug, wrapping it with care. Thoughtfully, he slid it under the bed. "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

Nick drove the Range Rover to the ferry that transported them back to San Francisco, and as they crossed the expanse of water, Nick caught a whiff of Derek’s breath. "You've really been hitting the sauce, haven't you?" His hazel eyes were now slightly worried. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. What makes you say that?"

"Because you've been drinking, and you act like you don't have a care in the world when you've just unloaded almost two hundred grand in one whop."

"The liquor was in the tea."

Nick nodded, knowingly. "And where did you get the tea?"

"From the people who sold me the sword."

"Of course. Now it all makes sense."

Derek laughed, untroubled. "Nick, stop trying to find something to be angry about. It'll spoil your dinner."

"I’m glad you can laugh about it." Nick muttered. Derek had clearly taken leave of his senses. "The Legacy is on a budget. I’ve glanced over the books. We can’t afford to spend like that."

"Nick, it didn’t come from the Legacy’s funds. It came from my own." Nick just stared at him in disbelief.

Nick's mood was better by the time their plates were set in front of them. They had ordered shrimp and rice, which was accompanied by many other lesser sidedishes. They ate until their stomachs hurt, and were grateful for the short walk back to the parking lot. They were uncomfortably bloated so they bought antacids at a convenience store. They felt better as they returned to Angel Island.

Derek took out the sword again, and carried it to the living room, sat holding it for a time as he and Nick discussed its origin and rarity. It was eight thirty when Nick yawned. "I have a lot of work to do." he said. "I need some coffee so I can stay awake."

"Let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll have coffee, too." Derek said.

Their pot of coffee was accompanied by whole-wheat/gingerbread treats. Nick noted with wonder that Derek could not seem to stop talking. He rattled on and on incessently about the history of the sword he had bought.

He included some very graphic Chinese history, even mentioned a few familiar names. When Nick asked about his lecture at the university, Derek’s answer was swift and evasive. "It went well." Then, he lunged into another very energetic commentary concerning Chinese history. Nick put his elbow on the table, leaned his chin into the heel of his hand and listened without interruption for over an hour.

**********

Derek was seated on the floor in front of the TV, wearing nothing but his bathrobe, a bowl of freshly-popped popcorn on his lap when Nick passed through the living room at midnight. With a smile, the younger man said, "You look comfortable."

"I am." Derek's brown eyes were dancing as he patted the floor beside him, showing him the popcorn. "Sit with me. This is a good movie. I haven't seen it in twenty years."

Nick laughed and sat down, took a handful of popcorn. "That long? Must be a good one. Okay. Why not? I've got nothing to do in the morning."

"Or tonight. Nothing important."

"Yeah, nothing important tonight." Nick caught his steady, smiling gaze and returned it. They watched the movie, held spellbound by the romance and the suspense. When it was over, another movie, just as old and just as corny came on, so Nick stayed to watch it, too. It was nearing four in the morning when the second movie was finally over, and Derek was still wide awake, full of energy.

Nick had made another pot of coffee, had poured his eighth cup. He studied his precept as the credits rolled. "You're not tired yet?"

Derek’s eyes were wide and bright. "No, are you?"

"A little." Nick admitted.

Derek did not know why, he was not accustomed to sitting up all hours of the night, but for some insane reason, he was not sleepy at all and these movies were of intense interest to him. He wanted to watch another one. "I think I'm gonna hit the sack." Nick finally said, setting his coffee on the square coffee table half finished. He yawned and stood, stretching to his full five feet nine inches, looked longingly up the stairs toward his bedroom. "Good night, Derek."

Derek looked disappointed. "Good night."

Nick sighed and hesitated. "Derek, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just....wanted you to stay and watch movies with me."

Nick was worried about him. His Obsessive/Compulsive behavior was not normal. "Tomorrow night. We'll watch movies all night if you want to, okay? I'll sleep late so I can stay up late. I got up early this morning - correction - yesterday morning, so I'm tired."

Derek nodded, understanding. "Okay." he said.

Nick smiled at him and gave him a quick hug. "Go to bed, Derek." he murmured in his ear. "I'll see you tomorrow."

To Derek, the hug was electric, but Nick seemed unaware. The precept nodded sadly as he pulled away. "Good night, Nick."

When Nick trudged up the long staircase to his room, Derek went back to his spot on the floor and watched another movie.

Derek sat up all night. It was nine o'clock when he went out again, this time for supplies. At a San Francisco department store, he loaded a cart with miscellaneous goods which included everything from underwear to drink mixes, paid over three hundred dollars at the register, then took everything home and put it neatly away. In the kitchen, he made a salmon loaf with eggs, onions, oats, mustard and ketchup and searched the liquor cabinet until he found the bottle of chablis he had been saving for a breakfast of salmon.

Just as he took the loaf from the oven, the doorbell rang. He opened it to Saundra West, another Legacy member and, coincidentally, a historian. Saundra was beautiful and had been Derek's date on several Legacy-related occasions, but she had never before visited him at his house.

She wore a pale blue skirt and matching jacket, one that enhanced her olive complexion. Her dark brown eyes were very large, her red lips very full. He found he could not take his eyes off her face.

He led her into the kitchen, apologizing for the mess. "I don’t normally cook. I don’t know what got into me today--I just wanted to make breakfast. Would you have some salmon loaf and chablis with me?"

She took off her jacket and went to pour herself some of the chablis, nodding in approval at the flavor. "Perfect for breakfast." she said with a flirtatious laugh.

They ate, and she explained her reason for the visit. "I was asked to give you this picture." She dug in her pocketbook and handed him a photograph. The ghostly face of a child looked pitifully into the camera.

"What is this?" he asked.

"The woman who took the picture says it’s her daughter." Derek waited. "The woman is in her seventies, and her daughter died more than forty years ago, at the age of seven. The picture was taken recently."

"So the child is coming back to her mother as a ghost."

"That’s what we can assume. The reason she has returned now, after so many years is what’s puzzling her."

Derek nodded. "People nearing death are more likely to see ghosts, especially the ghosts of loved ones."

"Nearing death. This is a very possible explanation." She smiled boldly straight into his eyes and finished off her wine in one gulp. Taking the photograph from him, she dropped it on the table top, forgotten. Her arms went around his neck and she kissed him. "You are very good at what you do, Derek."

He laughed. "Thank you. And I will have you to know that I am not so easily seduced....but please do not stop trying." He pulled her close.

She kissed him again. "How hard to you want me to try?"

"That's up to you."

She caught his hands and towed him toward the stairs. "Come on. Show me your bedroom. I have an hour to spare."

Saundra had gone and Derek had taken another shower. He was about to get dressed when his eyes fell on Kara's potion that he had taken from his pocket and set on the bathroom shelf. He took the bottle and unscrewed the top, musing to himself as he poured some into his palm. He smeared the green colored lotion over his lower face, his neck, his chest and arms, then, smirking to himself, also put it on his abdomen, hips and buttocks. He pitched the empty container in the garbage, got dressed and went to the control room to turn on the computer.

Nick found him there reading from the databases. "What are you doing?"

"Reading about my sword." Derek answered, very absorbed.

Nick reached over him to turn off the computer. "Let’s go do something." he suggested. "You look tired. Come on, Derek. Forget that sword a while. Let's go get something to eat."

Derek looked miffed but he followed Nick out the door. "Where do you want to go? This will mean another trip to San Francisco."

"How about the Chicken House?"

"The Chicken House? Why there?"

"Because Shawn works there and he asked us to drop by."

"Nick, I have a perfectly good salmon loaf in the kitchen."

Nick wrinkled up his nose. "I think I’d prefer the Chicken House. I’m buying."

"Are you sure you can afford it?" Derek’s sarcasm was uncharacteristic.

Nick gazed at him thoughtfully. "I think I can scrape up enough pennies to pay the bill." he answered.

"I’m sorry, Nick. I’m feeling very strange today. I don’t know what’s wrong."

"Don’t worry about it. Come on. Let’s go." Nick said.

They sat in a booth, facing each other, and Nick was troubled by the precept’s gloom. "Derek, there is something really wrong with you. I wish you would tell me what’s bugging you."

"I wish I knew." Derek looked up into the face of the waiter who stood ready to take their order. "Hi, Shawn." he greeted, recognizing the tall young man he knew to be one of Nick’s good friends. "Haven't seen you at the house in a while."

"I've been working." Shawn explained. "All the time. They're gonna make me the manager, so I have to stay a lot to look like I'm dedicated."

"How's your wife?"

"She left me." Shawn answered, not meeting his eyes. Scanning the table top, he said, "Hi, Nick."

"Hi, Shawn." Nick said.

"So, what do you guys want?"

"How about some chicken." Derek said.

"Ha ha." Shawn said. "Fried, broiled, barbecued, grilled or sauted?" Derek shook his head. "Fried. I'll take the two piece dinner. White meat."

"Me, too." Nick said. "Cokes to drink."

Shawn went for their dinners, and when he returned, he sat down beside Derek. "I’ll come out and visit in a few days, soon as I get a day off from this place." he promised, leaning close and sniffing at his shoulder. "You smell good. What is that?"

Derek was unsettled by his nearness. "Soap." he said warily. He remembered the scentless catalyst lotion, wondered if it had developed an odor after mixing with his own personal scent.

"I like it." Shawn moved closer until his nose was in the curve of his neck. "Very nice."

Derek sat stiffly, watching him with an uncertain frown. "Shawn?"

Shawn backed away and met his eyes. "Hm? Oh, I'm sorry." He got up from the booth, pushed the drinks closer to them. "Here. Enjoy your meal and thank you for visiting the Chicken House." In embarrassment, he hurried away.

Nick watched his departure, then shook his head in confusion. "He's been working way too hard." he commented.

Derek cleared his throat and took a drink of Coke before he began his meal. "Either that or he's torn up by his wife leaving him."

Nick dismissed the matter. "So how late did you sit up last night?"

"Never went to bed."

"That's what I thought. You've got dark circles under your eyes. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. Never better."

"We'll see about that tonight. Let's see if you want to sit up watching movies all night again. I'll bet I can outlast you tonight."

"I've got plenty of coffee, lots of popcorn. Plenty of other snacks, too. There are some good ones coming on. I've already checked it out in the satellite TV Guide."

"Any action stuff? Thrillers?"

"More like drama."

"How about if we rent one?"

"You want to rent one when there are free ones on?"

"You can spend a hundred and seventy five thousand on a sword without batting an eye, but you gripe at the price of a movie rental. I want to watch something that doesn't put me to sleep."

They ate, playfully arguing and discussing the ghost situation in Virginia. Derek told him about Saundra’s visit, about the photograph she had brought. He did not tell him about the intimate relations he had shared with her before she had gone. Nick read between the lines.

As they rode home it seemed that everybody on the ferry from San Franciso to Angel Island, for one reason or another, had to touch Derek, had to get close to him. Women stepped up to rub against him. Men had to pat him on the back. He had never been so popular in his life. Two traveling dogs came to lick his hand, to sniff his leg, an act that made him very nervous.

By this time, he had decided that the potion the chem lab girls had rubbed on him was genuine and that he was definitely in trouble. He had done everything, every *single* thing Kara had warned him not to do. Evidently, *everybody* and *everything* lusted after him now.

He had changed, his entire disposition was different. He would have never begged Nick to spend the night watching old movies with him. He would not have been so easily seduced by a woman he only knew casually. He would not have been so utterly obsessed by a sword or any other antique, no matter what its worth. He had never stayed up a whole night seated on the floor watching boring old movies wearing nothing but a bathrobe. His own actions, as well as the actions of the people around him, were causing him panic.

"Man," Nick marveled, amazed at all the attention he was getting. "I feel like I'm privileged to be the one with you here. Everybody loves you. What's going on, Derek?"

Derek gazed at him. "The love potion. It works."

"What? Come again with that about the love potion."

"Kara and the other chem lab girls at the university....they put some lotion on me that was supposed to be a love potion they'd concocted. They gave me this other bottle of lotion to rub on afterward. I think it went haywire. Even the dogs are ready to jump my bones! Nick, I need to get home fast and call her!"

Nick thought he was joking at first, but when he saw the seriousness on his face, he cleared a path to the Range Rover. As soon as they were off the ferry, he stepped on the gas and drove home as fast as was safe.

Derek used the living room phone to call Kara, sat on the square coffee table as he talked. "Hello?" she said.

"Kara, it's Dr. Rayne."

"Oh, hi, Dr. Rayne, how's it working? Have you had any reaction?"

"I've had more than I care to think about."

"Tell me about it." she said, very interested. "How do you feel?"

"I’ve gone insane and I've made every man, woman, dog and cat within a mile horny." He sat on the corner of the table, watching Nick pace circles around him.

"It's not working right, then. You didn't take a shower, did you?"

"Well, yes, I took a shower."

"I told you not to take a shower! You weren't supposed to have sex, take a shower, eat any seafood or grain, drink any alcohol, take any aspirins or exert yourself physically!"

Derek took a deep breath. "I think I did them all."

"I told you to sleep."

"I haven't slept at all."

"Then it's your own fault. You should have listened to me." she said flippantly.

"Kara! What am I supposed to do?"

"There's nothing you can do except wait it out."

Nick moved to his side, leaned to sniff just below his ear. Derek shooed him away. "Kara, how long? A few hours?"

"A few days, maybe. You got a stronger dose of it than we took. It might be a couple of weeks before it all goes away completely."

Nick was on his other side, sneaking in to smell his aroma. Derek turned to whack at him. "Stop it, Nick!" Into the phone, he said, "There's nothing I can do to make it go away now? Kara, tell me lemon juice or vinegar or something."

"You're welcome to try both of them if you want to smell like that." she said.

"But they won't work." he surmised.

"No, they won't work. Nothing will work. There isn't an antidote. Sorry."

Derek hung his head, felt Nick close against his back. "*You're* sorry. Kara, I didn't know this stuff would actually work! You've caused a tremendous upset in my life!"

"Sorry. Nothing I can do about it. You'll just have to wait it out."

Angrily he hung up the phone and turned again to face Nick. "Will you stop it!" he thundered. "I cannot believe this! Weeks, maybe months, maybe years! Unbelievable!" He strode to the stairs, waving his arms wildly, past being verbal. Nick trotted along after him like a puppy. Derek pointed a finger at him as they reached the second floor. "Keep your distance!"

Nick gave him a loopy grin. "You really do smell sexy."

Derek put his hands over his face, sighing wearily into them. "Nick, please."

"Do you still want to watch movies with me tonight?"

Derek looked at him through his fingers. "Will you behave yourself?"

"Of course I'll behave myself. I haven't done anything wrong, Derek."

Nick opened Derek’s bedroom door and stepped inside. Derek followed, closing the door behind them. They stood for a moment, studying one another. Then, finally, Derek said, "I'm sorry, Nick. You *didn't* do anything wrong and I'm sorry I treated you like that. Forgive me." Nick took a step toward him, but Derek escaped any possible physical contact, moved toward the bathroom. "Do me a favor, Nick and leave me alone a while."

Nick looked dismayed, but backed out the door. "Okay. See you later." he said, very reluctant to go.

"Yes, later." Derek’s heart was heavy.

Derek showered again, then took a long walk, intrigued and horrified that his scent seemed to attract animals of every shape and form. He stooped to offer a squirrel an acorn, patted a friendly rabbit between its long ears, but shied away as a full-grown skunk waddled toward him. He hurried along to find small animals appearing from every tree and bush along his way. A buck deer, its head heavy with antlers, showed itself to him at the crossing. It blocked his way, snorted, pawed the ground. He took several steps backward, turned and looked for an escape.

A young doe slipped out from the shadows to lick his hand and Derek petted her head. Her large brown eyes went to the buck and she trotted over to him, grazed her body along his length. Then, she turned to stand side by side with him. Mirrored, except for the doe’s lack of antlers and smaller size, they moved in syncronization. Derek watched, fascinated. "Go on, the two of you. Go." he said, waving them away. As if they understood his words, the deer turned and bound off into the trees. Derek breathed relief.

He returned to the house, rushed to his bedroom and sat quietly pondering. He thought of his old friend, Alan, a long-time confidant. He felt an urgent need to talk to someone, and Alan was the best listener he knew. He dialed the number in Los Angeles, a winter home for him. Alan was originally from England.

The British accent came through the phone in smooth strains. "Alan Windham speaking."

"Alan! It’s Derek. How are you?"

"Doing marvelous, dear Derek, and you?"

"I’ve got a serious problem." Derek began. "Do you have a minute?"

"I’ve got all the time in the world for you, my friend." Alan said softly. "Do tell me the problem." Derek explained about the potion and its effects. "It doesn’t only attract others to me." he concluded. "I am affected, too."

"In what way? The animals that approached you, were you sexually attracted to them?" Alan asked.

"No, of course not." Derek said.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"Nick is here. We have spent some time together and his presence makes me feel so very...needful."

"So....it’s Nick. And this bothers you...why?"

Derek took a deep breath. "Because I cannot ....never mind, Alan. I really just needed to talk to someone."

"Derek, you know how I feel about you. Do you want me to come?"

"No, Alan. I don’t think that would be a good idea right now."

"Why not? We could go away together, stay at my little island hideaway for a few days until this ‘potion matter’ has disappeared. Then you could safely face Nick and all the other animals without worrying about getting ravished."

"I don’t think so." Derek said. "But thank you for offering, Alan."

"If you want to get away, dear boy, to be alone, the place is yours. You have the spare key. Take it and be alone a while. It may repair all the problems."

Derek thought about it. "That’s a good idea. I may take you up on that."

"Call me. Let me know how it’s going."

"I will." There was a female giggle in the background on Alan’s end of the phone. "Good luck, Derek." he said, and broke the connection. Thoughtfully, Derek put down the phone.

It was after dark before he went downstairs again. Nick was in the control room. "Hi." Derek greeted.

"Hi." Nick’s eyes rose to meet his, and the hazel color of the irises glowed a brilliant deep-sea green. He stood and walked toward him. "How are you feeling? Did you get some sleep?" he asked.

"No, I didn’t sleep. I went for a walk."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Yes, I think we should talk." Derek answered, taking a step back as Nick advanced toward him.

"Why are you backing away from me?" Nick asked. "I don’t bite."

"Are you sure about that?" Derek asked with a half-smile.

Nick grinned at him and Derek nearly lost his heart as he looked into that handsome face. He was so sweet, so sexy, so good looking that it was just melting. He shivered and closed his eyes, felt a total lack of direction. It wasn’t Nick he did not trust; it was himself. "Are we going to watch TV tonight?"

"If that’s what you want to do, Boss, that’s what we’ll do." Nick answered.

"I'll make popcorn and coffee." Derek said, and headed for the kitchen. Anxiously, Nick went to the living room and plopped down on the floor in front of the television and took up the remote control, reflecting. He did not turn on the power, waited until Derek returned with popcorn and coffee. The older man sat on the floor to join him.

Derek studied him a moment before he asked, "Is it the way I smell?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah. You smell like....I don't know....I can't describe it. Maybe flowery or something. It's different, but it's familiar. Weird."

"I don't smell it."

"Smell your hand."

Derek put his hand to his nose and inhaled deeply, then shrugged his shoulders, mystified by it. "I don't smell it."

Nick reached for the hand, put it to his nose and shook his head before the inhalation was complete. "It's like a drug." he said, holding his breath. "It *is* a drug."

Derek took away his hand and handed him the bowl of popcorn. Without a word, he went upstairs. Minutes later, he reappeared, and the smell hit Nick long before the precept was near, strong cologne, probably a whole bottle of it. His hair was wet, Nick assumed with the fragrance. "Do you still smell the drug?" Derek asked as he took his place in the floor again.

"No, but you're burning my sinuses." Nick answered, rubbing water from his eyes. "Damn, Derek, that's awful!"

With a short laugh, Derek asked, "Can you stand it?"

"Hell no! I can't taste the popcorn! Go take a shower and wash that nasty shit off!"

Derek sighed. "All right. But you know where the consequences may lead." "Where?" Nick's bright eyes were innocent. Derek got up and went into the shower, leaving him to ponder on it.

When he returned in a plush burgundy bathrobe, his hair was still damp, even the hairs on his long legs were still glistening with water. Nick stood to meet him as if out of respect, and the unsettling, amorous gleam in his eyes told Derek he was in trouble. "Nick, maybe we shouldn’t be together now. We can watch TV some other night. Don't you think it's a little too dangerous for you to be here with me tonight?"

Nick reached to take him by the elbows, his young face serious and affectionate. "Let me stay. What are you so afraid of? What do you think is going to happen? Do you think I'll take advantage of you or are you afraid of your *own* feelings here? Or am I so repulsive you can't stand the thought of me touching you?"

Derek stepped closer and put his arms around his neck, sighed in his ear. "You know you're not repulsive, Nick. You're extremely handsome and I am very fond of you. You simply don't realize how strong this potion is. What I should do is get myself together and go to Alan’s island hideaway for a few weeks until it disappears. I should do that, and not come back until it is safe."

Nick's hands were massaging his back through the plush robe, clenching the material in fisted handfuls, then slowly, one hand moved to his shoulder-length hair, the fingers gently slid beneath it and caressed the soft skin on the back of his neck. His breath was hot against Derek's lips as he brushed his own across them. On the return, he placed a soft kiss on his mouth.

"Oh, no, Nick." Derek moaned, deeply affected. "Stop it before it's too late."

"Too late." Nick said, nuzzling at his earlobe. "I don't think I *can* stop."

Derek groaned helplessly. He felt the gentle touches on his skin, the burning breath in his ear, the careful nibbles at his throat, the form of Nick's firm body pressed against him and he could not push him away, could not deny him what he craved, what he *himself* needed. He closed his eyes, his fingers in Nick's short hair, and swallowed down a lump that rose in his throat. He shivered involuntarily, gasped out loud as Nick's arm closed tightly around his waist.

"You are so sweet." Nick said quietly. "So sweet."

"Nick, please...."

"I have an idea!" Nick proposed, drawing back to look into his eyes. "Why don't you go and get that big, thick quilt out of the linen closet and spread it out here on the floor? We can lie on it while we're watching TV. How about that?"

Derek traced his jawline with his index finger, his _expression dark and doubtful. "That sounds cozy." he said. "What do you have in mind?"

His innocence intact, Nick answered, "Watching TV if there's anything on that's any good. What did you *think* I had in mind?"

With a shrug, Derek went to the closet and brought back the quilt, spread it on the floor, then went back for cushions and a blanket. "I thought maybe you had evil on your mind."

"*Ev-il*." Nick pronounced the word the same as Vincent Price had in a movie he had recently watched. "Evil on my mind, eh?" He laughed as he made himself comfortable on one of the cushions. "Do you really think I have evil intentions toward you, Derek?"

Derek sighed, feeling foolish. "Maybe I was wrong." He sat down next to him and smiled at him. "I'm sorry. Again, I find myself apologizing to you."

"Not necessary." Nick gave him an impish grin that gradually faded into a sedated gaze. "So, what I did was evil?"

Derek pointed the remote control to turn on the TV and turned up the volume. "I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about." he said.

They were quiet, watched the silly movie that was playing until a commercial came on. While a chihuahua advertised Taco Bell’s newest value-meal, Derek gave in to curiosity and asked, "So, you're not greatly affected by the potion?"

"Oh, yes, I am." Nick answered. "Very much."

"Then you're exercising tremendous resistence."

"I'm in bed with you. Is that exercising tremendous resistence?"

"But you haven't done anything."

"I'm here."

Derek snuggled close to him. Nick smiled, leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips. It was awkward and quick, then he settled in and held him, rubbed his back through the burgundy robe until the show came back on. Derek’s heart rate and respiration were out of control.

"Okay, here we go." Nick said, turning on his back to watch TV. Derek felt deflated. With a sigh, he put his head on Nick’s shoulder, no longer able to concentrate on the show. He could not believe himself. Here he was, after having scolded Nick for possible misbehavior, after all the fuss he had given him, and now it was *Derek* who felt the morbid disappointment when the simple kiss was all he received from him. He felt himself growing depressed about it. A few private tears coursed down his cheeks.

He realized why he had worn only the robe, because he was wearing next to nothing, the most erotic piece of clothing he owned and if Nick had so desired, he could have rid him of it in less than a minute. His body was warm and willing, and his mind was a jumble of passion, desire and fear. He knew the fixation on Nick was not right, but somehow, as in the stories of Cupid's arrows, Nick had been there at exactly the right time, had touched him, had kissed him at exactly the right moment. Derek wished the fire would burn lower. It was driving him insane. He drew in a long breath that did nothing to cool the heat and tried to think of something else. The potion was strong, too strong.

"Derek," Nick was shaking him, waking him up.

Derek grunted in refusal, unwilling to wake from his dreamworld. He shifted his position and cuddled closer. Nick laughed and shook him again. "Come on, Derek. Wake up. It's two in the morning. You're tired. You should go to bed. I should go to bed."

The words woke Derek instantly. A sense of panic seized him at the prospect of parting with Nick. He hugged him tightly. "Please stay, Nick. Stay with me."

"You really want me to?"

"Of course I do."

"Okay." He turned off the TV with the remote and made himself comfortable. "Good night." Gently, he kissed Derek's forehead. Derek laid contentedly in the embrace. The floor was not as comfortable as his own bed. He wished he had the courage to ask Nick up to his room, but was afraid that during the transfer, something would separate them. "Good night." he whispered.

Morning's light touched Nick's eyes and he sat up, yawned and stretched. He popped his neck first one way, then the other, then sat cross-legged gazing down at Derek, who was still sleeping tranquilly. Nick began to tease him, tickled his nose with the tip of his finger. Derek shook his head, rubbed his itching nose with the back of his hand, grumbled in discomfort. He turned over without waking and became still again. Grinning, Nick leaned over him to continue the torment, but thought better of it. He looked so peaceful lying there that he could not bring himself to disturb him. He got up, instead, and made coffee in the parlor. The smell of freshly brewing coffee was a good eye opener for most people. But not Derek Rayne. It took the ringing phone to rouse him.

Nick had answered it on the fourth ring, but Derek sat up, yawning. "He's getting up." Nick was saying. "Yeah, hold on just a minute."

Derek dragged himself to his hands and knees and crawled across the floor to take the phone from him. "Hello." he mumbled into it.

"I didn't expect you to have company there. It's not safe for others to be around you right now." It was Kara's voice. "Who's the other man there with you?"

"My friend. Why?"

"He will attack you, Dr. Rayne. You need to get him out of there before he loses control."

"He's been here all night and he didn't attack me, so there." Derek said obstinately. "Your potion is not what you think it is."

She sounded puzzled. "He was there all night?"

"Yes, he was."

"And he left you alone?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"He didn't attack you? He wasn't affected?"

"Not in the least." Derek lied.

"Apparently he has no sense of smell."

"What if he was affected but restrained himself?"

"Then he has very strong self-control. Control like that is near to impossible. I’ve discovered that men are way more susceptible to this drug than women. Men can be downright dangerous. If your friend has that kind of control, he’s a hell of a man."

He glanced at Nick, who was holding two cups of coffee. "Kara, can you make an antidote?"

"No, there's no way, not with the proportions the way they are."

He slumped against the table. "Then why did you call me?"

"To tell you to stay out of public places. Don't go out, Dr. Rayne. You need to seclude yourself and stay there until it has worn off."

"And how long will that take?"

"Possibly a month."

"A month!"

"Maybe two."

In anger, he hung up the phone, seated himself on the floor, his back against the coffee table. He hugged his knees and looked up pitifully at Nick. "Maybe two months before this wears off!"

Nick handed him coffee. "What are you going to do?"

"Jump off the highest bridge I can find."

"Yeah, like that'll work." Nick said.

"Something has to work!"

"Well, don't do anything as radical as jumping off a bridge."

"Then I'll stab myself in the heart."

"That's a little better." Nick quipped, beginning to worry. "Drink your coffee first. You need to get woke up good before you kill yourself."

Derek laughed. "Nick, you're so clever you put me to shame." Nick gave him a hand up and when he was on his feet, Derek walked to a far window. "Tell me how you managed to contain yourself when we were so close. How did you do it?"

"Contain myself?"

"You did not ‘attack’ me, as Kara so put it."

"Did you want me to?" With another laugh, slightly embarrassed, Derek turned to find him close again. "I just want to know how you managed to restrain yourself from this ‘attack’. What did you think about that overwhelmed the temptation?"

Nick shrugged, looked truly perplexed. "I didn't overwhelm the temptation. You were right there in my arms all night."

"The kisses you gave me weren't even lover's kisses. Nick, you did absolutely nothing lewd. You're saying that's all the potion did to you?"

Nick put his arms around him. "Did you want it to be more?"

"I just want to know why the potion didn't work on you like Kara thinks it should have."

"I don't know."

"You weren't aroused by my nearness?"

The hazel eyes glanced away, then back. "Aroused? You mean did I get a.."

"Yeah, Nick, that's what I mean."

"Well, yeah."

"And you have this much control over your own hormonal urges?"

Nick drew him away from the window, found himself backed against the wall beside it. "I never got like that with another guy, you know? I don't know...it just never happened. But if it was ever with anybody, believe me, Derek, it would be with you. You're the one, especially with this love potion and all. That's pretty sexy, all right. You really do smell sexy."

"Then why aren't you turned on?"

"I am. Completely." Nick looked down. "Are you?"

Derek was verging on desperation. "Nick..."

"What do you want from me, Derek? If you would let me kiss you again, it would definitely happen now. You have to know that smell really turns me on. But I tell you what ruins it for me.....what makes all the difference in the world! I *can’t* get turned on,.....no matter how good you smell....as long as you've got me backed against this wall."

Derek dropped his hands and walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator. Nick followed him. "I'm sorry, Nick. Maybe you'd better go."

"No, I think maybe I'd better stay a while."

"I'm not asking you for sex, Nick."

"All right."

"I need companionship." Derek's lie sounded almost believable. He wanted to scream out his need for intimacy, his need for love, but he kept it to himself and spoke evenly. "It's the one thing I've felt in dire need of, and I can't explain why. It's the reason I've begged you to stay with me when I knew it wasn't a good idea."

"I can understand that."

"And, if it was the only way I could retain the companionship, I would even be willing for the sex."

Nick smiled. His cheeks were pink. "You would?"

Derek took out a plate of left-over salmon loaf and set it on the counter, sliced it and made them each a sandwich. "Yes, I would."

Studying him, Nick took a bite of his sandwich. "I think that's something a psychiatrist would be interested in."

"Nick, I'm serious."

"I know. That's what worries me."

"So you're really not interested in me in that way?"

"I never said that."

"Oh, this is a great conversation. I'm really accomplishing a lot here." Nick shook his head. "I love you, Derek, you know that. Way too much to mess up our friendship like that. Is that so hard to understand?"

Derek gazed at him in awe. "So that's the answer?"

"What was the question?"

He huffed. "The question, you idiot, is do you want me?"

"Then the answer is....absolutely. I want you to be my friend."

"But not your lover?"

Nick paused, redder. "Yeah, sure."

"You mean you do?"

"Is that what *you* want?"

"I asked you first."

"Why are you being so evasive?"

"Why aren't you giving me a straight answer?"

"Because the questions aren't straight!"

Derek blew out in frustration. "Do you want some orange juice?"

"With salmon loaf? Hell, no! I'll take some coke."

Setting the bottle on the counter with a thud, Derek said, "There, open it yourself."

"Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not angry!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not!" Derek threw his sandwich across the room. It landed on the floor, made a huge stain on the linoleum. He winced at the mess he knew he's have to clean up, then threw up his hands. "Okay, so maybe I'm angry!" He stormed from the kitchen, up the stairs to his room and slammed the door. Half an hour later, when he came out again, Nick was gone.

He sat weeping for hours, totally alone in his sadness until the rage was gone. But in its place was extreme depression. He packed for a trip, for cold weather, five outfits, a dufflebag full of rations, his new sword, plus some other supplies. He was ready to leave when the doorbell chimed. He groaned.

It was Saundra. She kissed him as she entered, then kissed him again before the door was closed. "You smell so provocative." she said, getting very close to him, taking in his aroma. "Mmm, I could just eat you up."

"Saundra..." He was miserable. "I'm just leaving. Maybe you could come back some other time."

"No, I'd rather stay and have a little bedroom romp with you today." she said boldly, then kissed him again. She doubled up on the kisses and her hands began to explore.

He was, in spite of his male attributes, very embarrassed. He backed away from her, tried to fend her off. "Saundra, please, not now."

She was aggressive, led him up to the bedroom and shoved him onto the bed, then pounced on him like a wildcat. "Yes. Now." She became brutal as she began to rip off his clothes and initiate the sex she wanted with him.

He heaved a sigh and gave in to her, letting her have what she wanted, hoping that when it was done he could get rid of her and escape before anybody else caught him. It occurred to him that he was a pushover, that his personality was fast diminishing. He hoped it wasn't permanent. He had noted all the drastic side-effects of this odd potion: his very real sexual attraction to Nick, of all people, his desperate need for love, the mood swings, his inability to say no. But the worst of these was his increasing dread of being alone.

"Hey, can you try to get your mind on this?" Saundra complained, snapping his head around and kissing him again.

He forced a smile, pretended it was all his idea. He thought of taking her with him to the island for company, but he knew better. He would have to endure this alone. And Saundra could, in no way, take the place of Nick.

Damn, he was sick! Nick? His weary mind refused to admit he was actually being raped; that had he denied her, a fight would most certainly have evolved. And Derek might have lost. He knew from past experience that, given the proper motivation, women could be more deadly contenders than men.

The phone rang again when they were getting dressed. He picked it up. "Hi, Derek, how's it going?" It was Charles, a neighbor on Angel Island and another close long-time friend.

Derek’s voice was emotionally drained. "Not too well, Charles. I was just leaving."

"So I heard. Nick said you would do that. He's pretty broken up about what happened there this morning."

It made him want to cry again. He leaned against the wall, drew in a long, trembling breath. "Yeah, so am I."

"I figured. So, you got any idea how long you'll be gone?"

"Nope. I'm just going, Charles. No plans other than that right now."

"I gotta go." Saundra whispered in his ear. "Be back later tonight."

He kissed her, nodded his head and let her leave without telling her he would not be home later tonight. "Who was that?"

"Saundra. She dropped in for a few minutes."

"Uh huh." Knowing.

"Well, I should go."

"Derek, stop in on your way. Call it scientific interest, but I'd like to get a whiff of that stuff. Do you mind?"

"That's not a good idea, Charles."

"I promise not to jump your bones."

Derek grunted in annoyance. "Okay. I'll stop in for a couple of minutes."

"Good. I'll see you in a few."

His bags were in the car. He parked in front of the stone/brick house and entered the gates, found himself accosted by a wire haired terrier on the sidewalk. He kicked free of the impassioned animal just as Charles opened the door for him.

"So you're that sexy, huh?" Charles asked, his eyes twinkling. "Even the dogs hump your leg." Limping, he led him across the room and sat with him at a table where drinks were already poured and waiting for them. "Damn, you do smell fresh." he commented.

"Is it what you expected?" Derek asked.

Charles reached for his hand, sniffed it, then sniffed it again. "Yep. I see what Nick was talking about. Yeah, it's pretty enticing, all right."

"Does it turn you on?"

"You kidding? I've got the biggest woody since I was in high school. Damn." Charles picked up his drink and downed it like a shooter, then turned to Evan, his housekeeper and nurse. Charles was a cripple, had suffered a broken back in an accident more than twenty years ago and now depended on Evan for nearly everything. "Bring the bottle over here. I think I'm gonna need it."

Evan brought the bottle, and his wide green eyes shone as he came in smelling distance of Derek. "Will there be anything else?" he asked, edging closer to him.

"No, that'll be all." Charles answered. "Thanks, Evan."

Evan didn't leave. He leaned over Derek, his nose in his hair and spoke intimately to the man he knew only casually. "You are so delicious. I've got something for you, baby. Come with me and I'll show it to you."

Derek looked up at him; the wrong move. Evan kissed him furiously, over and over, his hands on his ribs, threatening to violate other areas of his body. The kisses were forceful, the hands were hard.

He fought, feeling futile. Shoving hard, holding him off with crossed arms, he glared angrily at the big man. "Get away from me, you bastard! What are you doing?"

Evan backed away, shook his head and looked very shocked at his actions. "I...I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." In shame, he hurried to the wine cellar and shut himself in.

Derek was wiping the slobber off his face. His hair and his shirt were disheveled. "That was horrid!"

"Yeah," Charles agreed, glaring after him. "That's what *I* wanted to do."

"I think I'd better go." Derek was on his feet.

"You haven't finished your drink."

"I don't want it."

"Do I get a hug before you go?"

Derek paused, then leaned over to hug him, knowing it was risky. "So long, Charles." he said, detained by the lingering embrace, by the hand that was feeling out the muscles in his back, by the hard kisses that were bestowed on his throat.

Charles was breathing hard. "Okay," he said gruffly, "What you do now is walk away, because if you don't, I'm going to be just like Evan. That potion really works and if Nick didn’t go for it, he’s a stronger man than I am."

"Good bye, Charles." Derek broke the bonds and walked away from him. At the door, he said, "If you see Nick, tell him I'm sorry."

"I will." Charles said.

As he went out the door, he collided with a woman just entering. It was Charles’ daughter, Hanna. Before he knew what was happening, she had him in a stranglehold, kissing him dead on the mouth. He pushed her away, but she was quickly back upon him, not put off by the resistence. Her hand was rubbing him between the legs, unzipping him.

"What the hell are you doing?" a deep male voice demanded. A tall man ripped her off Derek and shook her violently. Derek recognized Hanna's husband and had a moment of panic, but the jealous husband pitched his wife into the house and closed the door, leaving her uninjured. Then, he took Derek by the head and kissed him savagely. His advances were harder to fight off because Derek's back was against the bricks and the big man's knee was firmly between his legs, a physical block that held him in place.

Before he finally managed to twist out of his clutches, the man had kissed him several times and his hands had touched him everywhere. Derek had never felt so defiled. When he was free, he ran to his car, got in and locked the doors as his attacker gave chase. He skidded his tires as he drove away.

He hoped no one else would come close. His last encounter was with the woman who took his money for the boat rental, an elderly lady with gray hair, too slow to catch him. He was soon on his way to the island where he would be completely alone until he decided it would be safe to return. He wished he could sleep until it was over.

His true wish was that Nick could be here with him. It was totally absurd and he knew it, knew what a dangerous state of mind he had entered. Yes, sleep was the solution. He should try to sleep the time away, let it pass until the drug had worn off, until he could act himself again. The island was cold and a depressing shade of gray. Derek climbed into the feather bed inside the cabin and fell into a deep, disturbed sleep.

*Why be difficult when with a bit more effort, you can be impossible?*

Eight Days Later:

Nick turned off the computer and sat in the darkened control room, thinking. He had done a lot of thinking in the last few days, since that splendid, cozy night he had spent with Derek. He had much considered going to Alan's island to see him, to talk to him.

It had not escaped his memory what Derek had said about needing companionship, but neither had anything else Derek had said, including the mention of sex. He wanted desperately to go to him, to spend time with him. He was evidently the only one who could be with him without trying to rape him. He had heard the story from Charles what had happened when Derek had paid him the visit.

Nick could not get that bewitching aroma out of his head. He had become a hopeless addict and had suffered physical and emotional withdrawl. He had survived without it far too long now. He had to see him again, whatever the outcome. Alex was home now, so he wouldn't be leaving the house unprotected. After explaining things to her, he went to the helicopter and started its engine. Once he made up his mind to go, his haste was consequential.

Derek was sitting at the edge of the water pitching pebbles, pondering the ripples when he heard the helicopter approaching. He squinted into the setting sun, spotted the gleaming aircraft, shielded his eyes with a tilted hand until he was forced to look straight overhead to follow its flight.

It was Nick! Derek's heart pounded with excitement, but he controlled his facial muscles, did not let it show. Nick lowered the chopper on a flat scrap of ground closeby, cut the engine and stepped out to face him as the propeller ceased. "Hi, Derek." he said nervously.

Derek took his hands. "Nick, what are you doing here?"

"I had to see you. I felt like you needed me here."

"Are you telepathic now?"

"Something like that." Nick hugged him.

Derek sighed in his ear. "Is it still there?"

"Yeah, still there." Nick answered with his nose in his hair. "Very nice."

"I'm sorry I got angry with you."

"I'm sorry, too."

"I don't know what I expected you to say. You didn't know what I expected you to say. It was what we used to call a communication gap."

They laughed together. "Yeah, that's what it was." Nick agreed. "But I've been thinking about everything you said and I've sort of figured out a few things."

"You have?"

"Yeah, and I think we need to talk a little more." Nick reached into the helicopter for his carrybag, threw it over his shoulder and they walked toward the cabin with their arms around each other.

Derek was amazed with him. "You're so different from all the other people I came in contact with, and I don't understand it. Even Charles. People everywhere I went couldn't keep their hands off me. I got kissed by everybody along the way, everybody tried to get into my trousers. But you're different. What makes you different, Nick?"

"Maybe that I love you." Nick theorized. "Because you're the most important person in the world to me and I would rather die than mess up our friendship."

"So you really do feel the power of this aphrodisiac."

"Yeah, I do."

"And you do want me?"

"More than anything, and you know why I left?"

"No. Why?"

"More than one reason. I was feeling a little too weird, and you were getting totally hostile. And you said you would be willing for sex to have companionship. I thought we were both too weak and too horny to be together."

"Then why are you here now? Nothing's changed."

"Because I couldn't stay away."

"What if things happen?"

Nick stepped up on the porch shaking his head. "I'll try to watch myself."

"But you're here. How long are you planning to stay?"

"That's up to you."

"I want you to stay, Nick, forever if you will. But what if things happen?"

"What if they *do*, Derek? This is exactly where we were that morning."

Derek carried in a log for the fireplace. "Yes, it is."

"If I made a pass at you, would it mess up our friendship?"

"I don't know."

"I want you, Derek, but because of my own convictions, I feel *guilty* about wanting you. I wish I could feel free about this. I wish, for one minute, that I could forget that you are my boss, and that we're both male, that you're nearly old enough to be my father....so many other things I wish I could forget...."

As he knelt in front of the fire, Derek glanced up at him. "What are you talking about, Nick?"

"I don't think I can tell you in a few words." Nick went to sit on the furs that had been piled a few feet in front of the fireplace and blew out a hard breath. "I couldn't stay away from you, Derek. I couldn't leave you alone. I got too much of it that night we spent together. The truth is, I need something from you, something very intimate." Derek moved to sit beside him.

Nick hugged him hard. "I am literally obsessed with you." he said.

"I love you, Nick." Derek held Nick tightly, slowly massaged his back. Holding him was wonderful.

Nick's lips touched his neck. "I can't believe how good you taste." He nibbled on the flesh beneath his ear.

"Nick, I'm not edible." Derek chuckled.

"I could argue with you on that point." Nick said, licking and kissing his throat from ear to ear.

Derek leaned back his head and sighed in appreciation. "I'm so glad you are here."

"Did you really think I would stay away?"

"I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see you again. I have been so very alone, moreso than ever before in my life, and I cannot seem to overcome this sense of emptiness."

"You were here alone for eight days."

"That was the longest eight days I have ever experienced."

"You won't have to be alone again. I'll stay and keep you company."

Unable to stop himself, Derek kissed him delicately. "You don't know how much that means to me."

"Yeah, I think I do." The kiss ignited a fire in Nick. His arms closed around Derek again and, for the first time, he kissed him with passion. It went on for long minutes before they drew apart and gazed gently into one another's eyes.

Derek smiled, the sweetest smile he had ever seen. "You can have anything you want from me." His offer was precious. "Anything, Nick."

Nick kissed him again, then again. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything."

"We can make love?"

"Yes, of course."

"You will give yourself to me?"

"If that's what you want."

"What do *you* want, Derek?"

"I want you, Nick. You."

"In what way? Have you thought about how you want me?"

"Yes, I have. If you are asking if I want to be the top or the bottom, I don't really care. I want you, I need you....any way I can have you." Nick kissed him again, taking the stronger position in their embrace. "You can have me, but I don’t want to be the bottom. I don’t want to be in that kind of compromising situation. That would be just a little more than my fragile macho ego can take." he whispered.

"Then be the top, Nick. I understand that you have this complex, this fear of being dominated. I have no such fear. You can have anything you want from me. Just love me. I was worried that you were only feeling this attraction to me because of the potion, but I don’t care any more. I need you."

They shared another kiss. Nick's hands began to wander, to caress all the erogenous zones, until Derek was writhing beneath his touch. "You are *so* sexy." the younger man said, watching him in fascination. "So sexy." He slowly stripped Derek's wool sweater up and over his head, turned the sleeves inside out as it was removed. Leaning over him, he kissed his nipples, first the right, then the left, biting them gently. "So sexy." He kissed his stomach, his ribs, his chest. His hand went to the trousers to undo them. Slid them down, took off shoes and socks, pulled the trousers free and pitched them away. The underwear followed, which left Derek lying naked on the furs.

"You’re sure about this?" Nick asked, still doubtful, but before Derek had time to answer, he was kissing him again.

Derek’s hands were undressing him, and when he could speak again, he murmured, "I’m sure, my love. Are *you* sure?"

"I’m absolutely positive." Nick answered. His hands caressed Derek’s body, learning it, growing familiar with it. "You are beautiful."

Derek was looking into those brilliant hazel eyes. "*You’re* the one who’s beautiful." he argued softly.

Nick laughed. "I feel completely strange right now. This is really different."

"What’s different? What are you talking about, Nick?"

"It’s just....different with a man."

"The only real difference, other than the body hair, is that I don’t have the compatible female parts. It just means we have to be a bit more creative."

"Creative. I don’t see a whole lot of options. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to choke you, or vice versa. What else is there?"

Derek smiled. "Nick, let me show you." "What are you going to show me?" Nick was pensive.

"Everything." Derek answered as he kissed him. Carefully, he pushed Nick’s back to the furs and kissed him again.

The temperature dropped considerably in the next hour and it began to rain. The sound was soft on the rooftop, which made their night even more romantic. Covered by thick furs, they slept in each other’s arms. With peace deep in his heart, Derek opened his eyes the next morning and smiled up at Nick, who was hovering just above him. "Good morning." he said.

Nick kissed him gently, then kissed him again. His fingers were combing carefully through Derek's curls. When he drew back from the second kiss, his breathing was torrid, his eyes were full of longing. "Good morning." he returned.

"The fire went out." Derek said, not really caring.

"I'll fix it later." Nick was being so tender with him that Derek melted in his arms. He kissed him again and it lasted a long time, soft and sweet, unhurried passion.

Derek felt the desire rising in him, felt the hardness pressing against his thigh. His hand caressed up and down Nick's ribs, cupped his butt. The kiss continued, hotter and hotter.

Derek’s hand slowly rounded his hip to the front and touched his penis. Nick raised up from the kiss and looked him in the eyes. "Do you really want to do that again?" he asked.

Derek shivered. His dark eyes were steady. "I want you, Nick." His hand closed around Nick's manhood.

Nick smiled, gave him another kiss. He rose to his knees, which temporarily broke the contact. Derek clung to him, kissed him passionately until he laid down beside him again. Suddenly, they were lost in a slow-motion chimerical fantasy. They fondled one another for a time without the frenzy, with only unhastened, gentle love while they kissed again and again. Nick’s mouth trailed over Derek's chin to his chest and he began to suck carefully on his nipples, first one, then the other. Simmering, keeping the flames low, they let it last until they were both at the point of eruption. They made love, softly, gently, completely, and it was the most beautiful love either of them had ever experienced. Throughout one brief eternity, they were suspended in utter ecstacy.

When they were expended, they gazed into each other’s eyes in splendor. Sweaty and sticky, peaceful and sweet, hopelessly in love, they listened to the rain.

Derek spoke first. "I love you, Nick, love you so much."

"I love you, too, Derek." Nick smiled. "You know what turned me on the most?"

"What?"

"The way *you* were turned on. So hot, so horny, so full of need... That was the biggest turn-on I ever saw in my life."

"Your touch drives me crazy, Nick."

Nick kissed him on the ear, then on the cheek, then on the lips. "You drive me crazy, too, Derek and I think you always did. I think I always wanted you. I just didn't know it before. Not only am I crazy in love with you, I’m completely obsessed with you. You're the only person I have really ever loved like this."

Derek pulled him close and kissed him passionately again. "You’re all that matters to me, Nick, the only one who will ever matter to me. You are the love of my life. Promise me you'll never leave me."

"I'm not going any place." Nick said. "You promise me."

"Oh, Nick, I want to be with you like this you forever."

"Then tell me."

"I'm yours forever. Forever."

"I'm gonna hold you to that. Not just until this stupid potion wears off. For the rest of our lives." Nick said, touching his nose. Then, he kissed him again.

Nick built a new fire while Derek lit the Coleman stove and started coffee. The rain was now coming down in torrents, so hard it made them want to go back to bed, just snuggle close and listen to its constant drum on the roof.

They sat huddled together in front of the fire in just underpants and tee shirts with cups of steaming coffee, a fur draped over their shoulders. Both men were firegazing. "You know what I want for breakfast?" Nick said without taking his eyes from the flames.

"What?"

"You." Derek laughed as Nick playfully moved in and kissed his chest. "What are you doing, Nick?" he asked.

Nick took up the hem of his tee shirt and lifted it high, put his lips on a nipple and kissed it. "Give me your coffee." He took the cup and set it on the floor, then pushed Derek down on the furs. He kissed the nipple again.

Derek swallowed down the ripple of eroticism created by the act. He felt the hands on his back that lifted his chest up to the warm lips, the firm suction, the flicking tongue that gave him pleasure. He moaned out loud and rubbed Nick's short hair, gripped his back and shoulders. "Don't stop. Don't stop yet. Oh, Nick, how are you making me feel this way?"

When Nick raised up and went to the other nipple, Derek was drunk with ardor. He wanted it to go on forever, but the rumbling in his loins quickly grew. He felt a white-hot surge of eroticism and cried out in the throes of a violent, extraordinary orgasm. His seed shot forth onto his stomach, some onto Nick’s shoulder, the first time in his life he had ever achieved a climax without having been touched. Nick raised his head to watch Derek's savage release, very pleased that he had caused such a reaction. He continued fondling and kissing him until Derek's cries faded, so hot he could barely contain his own.

When Derek had recovered, he lifted himself over Nick to return the favor. He began with his lips and kissed his way down his body, finally taking his throbbing organ into his mouth. Nick laid back and enjoyed it, realized as he laid a soft hand on the back of Derek’s head, that he was less apprehensive about letting Derek touch him. In fact, Derek’s touch was becoming more and more appealing every minute, from any position. Nick’s shouting release lasted more than a minute, longer than any Derek had ever witnessed. He was amazed at Nick's resilience. He was more than just verile, he was incredible.

They laid still for a time, and when they got up, Nick went outside to wash himself in the rain. Derek drank his cold coffee and fixed the fire, looked up as Nick returned soaking wet. "You're crazy!" he said with a laugh. "Come over to the fire! You’ll have pneumonia tomorrow!"

Nick grabbed him and danced him around in front of the fire. "But I'm tough. I never get sick! Tough guys don’t get pneumonia!"

"You’re full of shit, Nick." Derek hugged him tight, dried him with a towel. "Does it do for you what it does for me? Making love?"

"I never felt anything like it, Derek. I don't even feel guilty about it any more. Making love to you is the love I always dreamed of. I never want anybody else. That's what you've done for me. You've ruined all other lovers."

"So have you for me." Derek put his forehead to Nick's. "You turn me on more than anything I have ever known. Everything you do turns me on. Your very touch against my arm makes me hot now. I am madly in love with you, Nick."

Nick smothered him with kisses. "You want some more coffee? Yours got cold."

"In a minute. I just want to hold you a while."

The while became a long, long while. They laid down again and cuddled close, lost in kisses.

*****

A month later.....

The days and nights seemed to fly. They had no way of knowing whether or not the potion had worn off as they had been together every minute since Nick’s arrival. But it did not matter. They were in love and that love had not been daunted in the least; in fact, it grew more every time they made love. Their eyes were just as soft when they met, the smiles just as fond. For thirty days, they existed alone in their own private world, loving each other more and more every day. They spoke of spending the rest of their lives together as a couple, of their unfaltering love and how the world would greatly hinder their relationship once they returned to life on Angel Island.

They heard the motorboat’s engine in the distance on another very gray day and went to the shore to watch its approach. "Three people." Derek counted the dim figures in the fog.

The boat drew closer and Nick frowned as he recognized the occupants. Their neighbor, Charles, Alan Windham and Saundra West. Saundra! Her presence at this time was more than he could handle.

Saundra and Derek had made love. No. They had had sex, but, being a woman, she would interpret it as love. She would, no doubt, try to reclaim him and if she got her way, Nick would be left standing alone. His guts growled with the most frightening unease he had felt in weeks. Alan bounced from the boat and helped Charles out, but let Saundra fend for herself. Nick reveled in the reverse Chivalry! The man was a true gentleman.

The three of them came to greet Derek. Saundra kissed him, then as an afterthought, kissed Nick on the cheek. Alan and Charles both hugged Derek, then stepped back and shrugged. "You're not sexy any more." Charles said. "It's gone."

Derek sighed relief. "Good." he said. "You don't know how happy I am about that."

Saundra shook her head at him. "The potion couldn't have been all that, Derek. I mean...Nick was here with you all this time and nothing happened, right?"

Derek looked at her without _expression. "Could I offer any of you some coffee?"

Charles rubbed his cold hands together and blew on them. "You could offer me some." he said. "We should have brought Alan’s yacht instead of this thing." He indicated the motorboat.

Alan laughed. "We thought we'd come see how you were faring, Derek, since you got attacked by the world. I’ve heard all about your misadventures. How are you?"

"I’m fine. Come inside." Derek led the way to the cabin. Saundra hurried to put an arm around him. Nick, instead of challenging her, simply walked a step behind the others. When they were inside, he put on the coffee while they all found a seat.

"How did things go between you and Nick all this time?" Alan asked. "Are you still friends? It appears that you are."

Derek glanced at him sharply. "Of course." he answered.

Nick wondered what Derek would tell them. It didn't matter. If he wanted to confess that they were lovers, it was perfectly all right with Nick. In fact, he wanted Saundra to know. He wanted to tell her himself. She tilted her pretty head and asked, "So, if the potion was really that strong, and Nick has been here all this time, does that mean....that the two of you....are...a couple now?"

Derek used the poker to roll a stick of wood in the fireplace. "Saundra, what are you asking?" he asked, as if he didn't understand.

"You know very well what I'm asking." she said defiantly. "Are you and Nick lovers?"

"What if we are? What are you going to do...go back and tell the world?"

She gazed at him, wondering, then looked at Nick. "No, I won't tell anybody."

Nick went to his lover’s side as he turned to face them. "You know, Derek, you don't have to tell us anything. It's none of our business really." said Alan.

"You're right about that." Derek said.

"But you're going to tell us, aren't you?" Charles asked, very interested. Derek closed his eyes and pressed his face in Nick's collar. Nick gently played with his hair.

"You know, Charles," he said, his hazel eyes on their guests. "I wish we could just stay here forever, just me and him. He’s mine here. Mine, Saundra. Not yours."

Saundra gave him a quirky little smile and nodded her head. "Sure, Nick. I understand. You two love each other. Right?"

"Right." Nick answered. "Exactly right."

Derek drew away from him and faced them again. "Right." he confirmed.

"So you've made commitments?" Alan asked. "Very much." Derek answered.

"Sorry, Saundra. Sorry, Alan." Alan raised his eyebrows and sighed.

"Oh, well, nothing lasts forever." Charles stared at him.

"You mean *you* were with him?"

"It begins to look as if everybody has been with him, Charles." Alan answered.

Nick was a little surprised, too, but he said nothing. "I haven't been with him." Charles said. "I guess I'm the one person who hasn't jumped your bones, right, Derek?"

Derek shook his head in embarrassment. Charles chuckled, a sarcastic sound. "How many men have you been with, Derek? I didn't know you were into men and I thought I knew a lot about you."

Derek looked down. "How many, Derek?" Charles persisted.

"Do you want names and dates?" asked Derek.

"Sure. Fill me in." Charles knew he wouldn’t name them.

Fearfully, Derek met Nick's eyes. "I'm sorry, Nick, that I didn't tell you about them."

Nick was still playing with his hair. "They were before me. You love *me* now."

"I do. I do, Nick. I love you and you know it. I love you forever. And I'm yours wherever we go. Wherever we go! Not just here." Nick kissed him, uncaring of the eyes that pierced them, scrutinized their every move.

"Wow. You guys are for real." said Charles. "Derek, would you have fallen for Nick if it hadn’t been for the potion?"

"I have always loved Nick."

"Even when he was a little boy? You’ve known him his whole life. That seems a little perverted to me, you know what I mean?" Charles said.

"Tell me, Derek, how many men *have* you been with?"

Derek looked straight into his eyes. "I don’t kiss and tell."

"Really?" Alan spoke up. "You just told them about us. What are you going to do when you and Nick decide to go your separate ways? The two of you won't live together forever. You can't."

"And why not?" Derek asked angrily. "Why can't we love forever?"

"You haven't loved anybody else forever." Alan said.

"What we have is different." Nick said.

"That's what we all thought." said Alan, waving toward Saundra. Nick’s eyes flashed an emerald green. "Did you tell him you were in love with him?"

"No. The words just never came up."

"But you made love to him?"

"I made love to him, yes. It was casual."

"Then don't be jealous." Nick said. "I don't believe in casual love, or in casual sex."

"How old fashioned." Saundra said. "In what century did you get your education, Nick? You should know better."

"I know what I have with him is not casual."

Derek spoke up. "He's right. What we have is extraordinary. I'm willing to make a lifetime commitment to him. Have I ever said that about anybody else? I want him forever. Forever."

"So you both feel this way?" Saundra asked.

They nodded. "You realize it could be the potion that makes you feel this way." Charles said. "And when all the affects are gone you will wake up in bed together some morning and be completely mortified."

"The affects have evidently been gone for some time now. We love each other no less." Derek said. "Why are you needling us? Let us love each other. If it turns out badly, we've hurt no one else. But it won't. It cannot because I would die before I would lose him."

Alan smiled. "It sounds like love." he said, then stepped forward to hug them both. He lightly kissed Derek’s lips. "Okay. I'll offer you my congratulations."

"Thank you." Derek said.

Saundra stood, too, kissed them both again. "I hope you're happy together." she said in defeat.

Then, Charles raised up to hug them. "Good luck." he said.

After coffee, they got back into the boat and sped away again, leaving Nick and Derek to think about what they had told their friends. Nick could not get it out of his mind what he had learned about Derek’s past.

It was raining again. Nick sat idly, cross-legged on the furs, gazing down at his lover as he slept. He was beautiful. Beautiful. Nick was completely in love with him and could not seem to get through a minute without touching him. It was almost obscene how obsessed he was, almost spiritual.

Derek opened one eye and grinned at him. "I can feel your eyes." he said softly, then stretched and yawned. "You woke me with a look."

Nick kissed him. "I love looking at you." he said. "I could sit right here and do nothing but just look at you the rest of my life."

After several passionate kisses, Derek sighed. "Okay, what's on your mind?"

Nick sighed, too. "I'm just...thinking about those other guys you were with."

Derek sat up and straightened his hair. "Does it bother you, Nick?"

"A little." Nick admitted. "I’m intrigued. I thought I was the only one. You've been with a lot of men?"

"A few. But none like you. I love you, Nick."

"Did you love any of them?"

"I cared about them, yes....I thought I loved them at the time, but the difference is vital! My love for them never drove me to passion as you do, none of them. You are the single most important person in my life, past or present, and the only one I want in my future! I'm in love with you, Nick and I will be faithful to you from now on. I want nobody else, man or woman, ever again. Just you. And it's more than just love I feel for you, you are essential to me, moreso than my own arms or legs, moreso than the heart that beats in my chest. I need you, I cannot live without you. I would die if you turned away from me now. Tell me you're not turning away, Nick."

Nick kissed him ardently. "I'll never turn away from you, Derek, never. Never. I couldn't live without you, either. I don't *want* to live without you."

"Then we're all right? Things are good between us?" His hand rested on Nick's cheek.

"We're wonderful. Wonderful. Did you think I wanted to break up with you over old lovers? I'll shoot them if they ever try to take you away from me. You're mine."

"I'm yours, Nick. And you won’t have to shoot anybody to keep me."

They sat there holding each other, secure in their love, in their future together, realizing everything they were likely to face, every prejudice, every scorn, and the love outweighed it all. They were strong enough to handle anything because they would always love each other.

Derek sighed, ran his hands through Nick's hair. "We have to go back soon. We're running out of supplies."

"We could just make a run and get more." Nick suggested.

"Yeah, we could."

"But you’re right. I think we should go home."

"We’ll do whatever you want to do."

Nick smiled at him. "What do *you* want to do?"

"I want to go back. I miss my home. I’d like to take a real shower. I'd like to hear a telephone ring again, to check out that case Saundra was talking about. A woman took a picture of her daughter, a child who died over forty years ago. We should investigate that case. I'd like to hear the toilet flush and have running water and make coffee in the coffee maker. I'd like to have a drink with Charles and come home late, and sleep in my own bed snuggled up in your arms."

"Sounds good to me." Nick kissed him again. "But what if people talk?" Derek gave him a smile.

"Let them talk." he said. "What could they say?"

"Look, there go the gay guys!" Nick answered. "The gay Legacy members."

"Don't be ridiculous. Nobody knows we're Legacy members."

They laughed, then sat looking lovingly into each other's eyes. Finally, Nick said, "I just can't give a damn what other people think or what they say. The hell with them. If they run their mouths it's probably just because they don't have love of their own and they're jealous."

"You're smarter than you look, Nick." Derek said.

"Do I look stupid?"

"No, you look hot."

"I do?"

"Yeah, hot."

"I am. For you."

"Show me." Derek challenged him, in his arms. He kissed him sensuously. They made love again, then packed their bags and took the helicopter back to Angel Island.

the end.....maybe

*No matter where you go, there you are.*