Quantum Leap Slash

"Time Taking Over"

By Alia

DISCLAIMER: Sam Beckett, Al Calavicci and all things Quantum Leap belong to Donald P Bellisario and 'Universal' anything else eg; the words here in and the idea for this piece of fan fiction belong solely to me. No copyright infringement intended.

WARNING: M/M story rated NC 17 it contains course language, a masturbation scene and non-graphic interactions between two men.EXTRA WARNING: Recount, though not detailed of the opening scene from 'Dark Shadows Over Time' from Al's point of view.

SUMMARY: Exhausted and behaving irrationally Al is sent to quarters to rest, but with everything that's going on with Sam and his current leap it's far from easy for him to do so.

AUTHORS NOTES: "Time taking over." takes place during 'Dark Shadows Over Time.' Consider this piece part two of The Shadows Over Time series. You will need to read Dark Shadows Over Time to understand this fic.

DARK SHADOWS OVER TIME 2: TIME TAKING OVER

By Alia
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Stallions Gate, New Mexico. 15th of May 2001.

Al

Well here I am. Just where I was ordered, like I'm no more then a bloody ensign confined to quarters for the duration. Expert I'm not some wet behind the ears kid, I'm the one who's suppose to be running this show and now I'm here lying on my bed in my shorts and one of Sam's really old T-shirts. -Yeah so, my sleep attire has gone to hell along with everything else. Not that I'm expecting to actually get any sleep, but I'll it give a try, anything to appease Bena.

I'm not worth shit at the moment, running on empty like always and Verbena knows it. Condition normal you might say, but I can't even kid her into believing that's enough at the moment, because we both know it's not. No, things are far from normal or what usually passes for normal around here, haven't been since this leap started, and by reckoning there's more to come before this is over. In fact I have grave doubts things will ever be the same again for any of us.

I roll over on my side, trying to get comfortable and close my eyes. I'm still warm from the shower I've just taken so I haven't bothered with the covers on the bed even though I know if I do manage to get some shut eye I will wake up freezing. Which I think, struggling to pull out the top blanket from under me without getting off the bed and draw it over me will not help my mood when I do wake up. 'Rest Calavicci' I tell myself, try to relax.

Huddling down I try to do just that, but my body has other ideas. I'm tense, strung out like my nerves, frayed to the point there aren't much left. I think about Sam, big surprise considering that's about all I think about these days. Not the Sam I've left back in 1973, the one who thinks I'm the most selfish bastard on the face of the earth. Who thinks I've lost my mind cause I can't face what's happening to him. I have faced it, lived it for almost a year, except he doesn't know that and I'm sure as hell don't want to be the one to tell him.

No I think about how much I miss him right now, how I only want to keep him safe and what it's gunna be like when he comes home. I won't push him; he doesn't remember us so I'm not going to tell him. But sometimes I imagine what it would be like if he did remember and he was happy about the idea. He was in the beginning. Liked being with me. Loved me, he said.

I settle on that for a bit, remembering what it was like for Sam and I during those few months before he leaped. It shocked the hell out of me to begin with that he took to the whole thing as quickly as he did. But if I was to have been completely honest with him and myself at the time, I really should of known better. Having him say 'yes' just because his body was telling him it was okay was one thing, I just didn't figure his head would eventually tell him different and the conflict between the two would make it so difficult for us. No, I should of realized that Sam had been straight, very straight for forty odd years and that sooner or later he would find the whole situation too much for him to handle.

It wasn't all bad though, most of it was like having all my dreams coming true at once and that's what I focus on. I let myself relax a little more now, doing what I have done too many times to help me sleep. It's my favorite fantasy.

Reaching back I find the memory I like the most, the one when Sam last wore the T-shirt I'm wearing now. He's here lying on the bed with me. We've moved from the couch after things got too heavy and I want to spread out a bit. Show him how good it can be and he's more than willing, to start with. I take a deep breath, pushing away the emotions that rise up in me, blanking out what I don't want to remember by holding on to what I do.

Sam's on his back and I'm kissing him long and slow, putting everything into it. He's moaning as I move over him, my hands and mouth doing things to him he's never let anyone do before me. The T-shirts in the way so I push it up, licking his chest and sucking on his nipples as I spend a little time getting him use to the idea of going further. Sam's loving it, he's holding the hem of his shirt up giving me more room to move, gasping when I latch on to him and suck at his erect nipples one at a time. It's too much for him and I don't even bother trying to hide my satisfaction as he finally decides to loose the T-shirt and he struggles out of it and then throws it across the room. Laying back down again he doesn't say a word, just waits for me to remove my shirt also.

It's even better now skin to skin, feeling him this close is better then I ever imagined and I'm rubbing up against his thigh in no time. Moving down his body I discover that Sam's in no better condition than I am. I take hold of his cock. He's hard, his length clearly outlined through his jeans and I can't resist the urge to make him feel as good as he's making me feel by letting me do this to him.

"Gotta touch you Sam." I'm saying to him as I loosen his belt and undo the fly on his pants. "Want you so much, baby. Let me make you feel good."

I have to really concentrate now on the fantasy vision of that night; pushing away reality and letting my imagination take over. It's not easy but I add a little of my own reality to the moment by stroking my waking cock through my shorts. It works; remembering what it was like the few times Sam touched me there.

Working towards more contact I slip my hand inside my shorts and take hold of my heated flesh to aid the fantasy.

"Yes." Sam is saying under me, his voice barely recognizable, so filled with unsatisfied need. "Touch me Al." He whispers helping me with his jeans.

Between us we get them off and now Sam's beautifully naked. He's waiting for me to make love to him and the image he makes, so beautiful and trusting as he watches me strip out of the rest of my clothing makes me realize I can't hold back any longer. Stroking my dick faster I climax within seconds, panting into my pillow as I cum over my own hand, crying out Sam's name as the last of it pumps from my body.

Completely empty now I lay still. The after glow of my climax doesn't last nearly long enough. My body feels sated but I feel as I do quite often, ashamed that I am brought to this. That while Sam was with me I couldn't make him trust me enough to let go of his doubts and fears completely. Pressing him for more then he could given, even to me had been a mistake. Probably one of the biggest mistakes of my whole miserable life. Telling him about us especiaily after what he's just been through and what I have done to him will only make him run from me again and I don't want to do that. If I can't have him as my lover then I'll settle for his friendship and I'll spend every day of the rest of my life being grateful for it.

I lay for a while longer, wiping my hand on my shorts as I strip them off and drop them beside the bed. The possibility for sleep isn't lost and if I just focus on the more traditional relaxation techniques Verbena has taught me I just may accomplish my goal. All I need is a couple of hour's sleep and then she'll let me get back to Sam. He needs me now, needs me more than he's ever needed me before during a leap and I can't let him down. - Somehow I know though, it's already too late.

It's no use I realize after a few more minutes of laying in the dark I'm back to thinking about the last time I saw Sam and I can't push the thoughts away any longer. He hates me right now, hates everything I am and was. I can understand that, understand the shock he must feel each time he is thrust into a new life and is expected to just accept, without question the moralities of how they may live their lives. And sadly I think, if by some small twist of fate Sam doesn't hate me yet he will when he finds out his latest host is me.

Throwing the blanket off I get up to look for a cigar, stubbing my toe on the end of the bed on my way to the dresser. I should have turned the light on but it doesn't matter now I've found what I was looking for and extract a fresh Chivello along with a clean pair of shorts to put on.

Slipping into the shorts I do switch on the light because I can't find my lighter in the dark. I remember leaving it in my trouser pocket but I can't seem to locate which one. It's a mistake. My dress whites are draped over the back of the chair in the corner of my room, and the sight of them makes me cringe. Honestly I don't know what possessed me to put on my uniform in the first place. I have no right to wear them by navy standards and haven't since I met Son Lee Tran.

I change my mind about the cigar and turn the bedroom light off again, giving myself a moment to let my eyes adjust once more before I make my way into the kitchen and hit the light switch above the stove. Depositing my unlit Chivello on the kitchen bench I pull out a glass and the bottle of Bourbon I keep hidden in the back of the cupboard and I do what I have promised myself a thousand times what I won't, and pour myself a drink. Not giving myself time to think about the consequences I drain the glass and pour another double before capping the bottle and return it to it's hiding place.

The liquor hits the spot. Its fire slowly spreads to my limbs and my head notes the very beginnings of the numbness I require right now. It's a blessing I think, always has been when I don't want to feel and that's my intention, to feel as little as possible.

Crossing to the sofa I drop on to it. Nursing my glass I take a couple more sips and allow the Bourbon to continue to work it's magic. It's been months since I did this. I don't remember what it was over the last time but I know what ever it was, it was nothing compared to this.

After six and a half years of following Sam through time, we, Ziggy, myself and the rest of the team here at Project Quantum Leap are getting pretty damn good at what we do. And as unbelievable as it sounds we all try to remain as unaffected by what ever is thrown at us during the leaps as possible, take it as it comes and deal with each situation as best we can. There's no point getting emotionally involved each time, it doesn't help Sam and it doesn't help us. Of course we worry about him, but a long time ago we all realized having a sissy fit each time Sam had to handle anything more then getting a cat out of a tree wasn't gunna get the job done. Except I know different, no matter what I tell them and we tell each other, I of all people here know it's all a lie. It's impossible not to get involved when someone you love with all your heart is hurting and afraid and all 'you' can do about it is watch.

Taking another mouthful of my drink I try unsuccessfully to clear my mind. But I guess there isn't enough booze on the entire planet to do that. My heart feels like it's going to break any minute now and even though what's left of my rational mind tells that's impossible, that's exactly how it feels. I miss Sam so much, each day he's gone it gets harder and harder to convince myself he'll be okay, that some day we'll bring him home. A little under twenty-four hours ago I had thought for several terrible minutes that we would be. Finally bringing Sam home that is. That at any moment we would be receiving Sam's lifeless body in the waiting room and it would all be over for all time.

You see Sam had been out of contact for just over forty eight hours when yesterday morning Ziggy gives us the word that he has been located and we can be expecting a new visitor in the waiting room any minute. Well that's fine, cause I'm already in main control, checking in what's gone down through the night when this happens. So I wander into the waiting room not real sure what I'm gunna see when I get there, but I'm okay about it, cause, well I figure after all these years, I've seen it all before.

Wrong, dead wrong.

The first thing that happens is that the monitors start racing, pulse rate, blood pressure are all rising like their gunna go off the scale and then before anyone can work out what's going on the new host finally materializes in front of me. It's Sam of course, always is in the beginning, takes a couple of seconds for the link between him and I to adjust and I see the host for who they are. It doesn't register straight a way, who I'm eye to eye with. All I see is the pain in his eyes and then a split second later I know Sam's in trouble.

I leave Verbena gawking after me, and run. The Imaging chamber is up and ready and I waste no time getting myself centered on Sam. What I see when I get to him can't be put into words. It's an indescribable horror that only someone who's been in that situation will understand.

My first instinct is to scream and I don't fight it, except some how I manage to make myself form words and I get them out. I tell Sam not to move, and thank god he doesn't argue with me. He's frighten and confused, and I'm no better off.

After getting myself to finally move I go closer to him, I don't want to look at the scene we've landed in this time but I can't help seeing the others and hearing the sounds of lose as I cross the room. Whimpers of pain and hopelessness so profound and absolute ring in my ears and I can do nothing to stop them.

I can't help looking at the man behind Sam; the same man I prayed I would never have to see again. But he is here and like everything else happening I can't change that. I turn my head away from him and the other things going on and kneel down beside Sam and I do the only thing that may help him at that moment and tell him to hold on.

Somewhere during the time I knelt by Sam I manage to block out most of what was going on and by the time it was over I don't feel much of anything about what I've seen and heard. It's a strange sensation, like being in void.

I have procedures to follow at the beginning of each new leap, so I follow them. Check where the VC guards take the poor kid who's been an audience to my friends attack and get back to Sam as soon as I've figured it out. Tell Sam what he's gotta do to stay in one piece and ignore the rest. When I do look over at Sam, so confused, ashamed and most probably hurt I can't make myself think about what he's just been through, it's gone, all of it. I feel nothing. I have a job to do and I do it, don't think beyond that I tell myself.

Realizing I had the ability to remain neutral through what I had witnessed and Sam had endured made me determined; I could practice what I preached around here, and I would not let this leap ruin Sam, or me.

Well, I think, raising my half-empty glass in a silent salute to myself. Staying detached from the whole sordid side of my imprisonment with the Vietcong kept me going for a while anyway. But no longer I realize as I lower my shaking arm moments later and the images of Sam on his knees fresh in my mind takes the very last of my resolve and crushes it. The tears well in my eyes and I let them fall, letting go of all that I can not change but still pray that I could.

I cry for I don't know how long, only a few minutes I guess, not long in the scheme of things. Not when I considered all that has been lost to Sam and I. I know it's selfish to be thinking about myself, knowing Sam may never be the same again but I can't help loving him, honestly I can't and hoping one day he'll love me again in return.

This leap seems to have put an end to all of my hopes and but right now all I can think about is keeping Sam safe and the damage to both of us to a minimum.

I knew right from the onset of this leap keeping Sam in the dark wasn't going to be easy, he's not one to let anything go by. Especially anything he sees as wrong. He's right, it was wrong, he was wronged in the worst possible way but he doesn't understand and god only knows if I ever try to help understand it, it'll destroy us.

Verbena is another matter I have to deal with. She has figured out I'm not doing as well as I've been pretending and I know, like Sam, I can't keep her at bay much longer either. She's order me to rest and then I'm to meet her in her office to talk. Which of course is why I am here in the middle of the day instead of being in the imagining chamber where I belong so I can keep an eye on Sam.

Verbena knows about my feelings for Sam, has done for a couple of years now and in her own way has been supportive. I know she'll never put it in my file or anything like that, but I don't know about this. This is part of what she does, to create profiles of the people Sam leaps into; to include back ground information and if possible, bring the subjects details up to present date. But this isn't about strangers, this is about me, my life she's studying, and there's a lot more to be seen then the last time Sam leaped into me. Things I don't want to think about. Haven't thought about for close on thirty years. I've put them behind me and there not things I want anyone to know about. I trust Verbena, like I've never trusted anyone of her kind before, but I just I don't know how much she going to be able to leave out.

I'm frightened about what will be revealed about Sam and me during this leap and what the repercussions might be for not only us but the Project and all our futures as well and I don't mind admitting that, but I can't think about it any more. I don’t have the energy for it. I have to get back to Sam and try and see him through this.

I finish the last of my drink. I want another, but I know I can't risk it. Gotta try and keep him safe the only way I know how. I put my empty glass on the coffee table and go back to the bedroom. I need the head first, and after washing my hands and face I crawl under the covers on my bed. Sleep seems almost likely now and I feel myself relax the moment I get settled.

I roll over and close my eyes again. This time I picture Sam laying next to me, smiling and it's with this image that I finally find peace.

THE END