Title: "A tale, told...."

Author: xof

E-mail: xof@rose.net

Version: UK

Pairings: Stuart J/OMC

Category: AU

Rating: NC17

Story Status: New, Insert to "Love is a Many Splintered Thing: Margo Edwards"

Feedback: Most assuredly. I've never guested before...lol.

Summary: Stuart gives voice to his secret past for the sake of his and Vince's future.

Spoilers: None - this is AU.

Disclaimers: Characters belong to Red and Russell Davies.

Notes: This is one person's take on how Stuart's code of shag conduct came to be. Margo asked for Stuart's voice...here's hoping that's what she got.

Introduction: An extra special, forever grateful, huge, THANK YOU, love you darlin’ to xof. For agreeing to be my first guest writer, and the absolutely brilliant take on something I’d had Vince allude to in an earlier series, but Stuart refused to tell me what happened. – Margo

Silence weighed heavily in the dark night air. Several minutes passed as Vince remained at the bank of windows, moonlight shining over his shoulders and his back still turned to the bedroom door. He could feel Stuart’s presence behind him; could feel the worry hanging between them that caused Stuart to stare his way.

But still Vince did not turn round, waiting in the silence for Stuart to say his peace. Slap or caress as he may.

Stuart’s voice split the tension as it sounded low in monotone as if he were reciting a list of facts that happened to someone else instead of revealing the darkened cause of his oft-held harshness.

"Brendan Harris. Professor. I still remember the name. Years of trying to put it out of my head and it’s still there." Stuart released a breath before continuing, "Lit professor my first term at University. Chestnut hair, tan skin and hazel eyes . . . pale but golden like lion eyes. Body hard from rowing. You’d never have thought he was forty, even thirty if he was a day. He was forty-two when he took me." His sad emphasis on the word ‘took’ made evident by the thickening of his Irish brogue, Stuart continued. "It was like he could look at anyone and pull them free of inhibition, free them to find the depths of whatever they strove to achieve. He inspired his students and fascinated me. Wanted him from the first sounding of his shoes crossing into the lecture hall. And being me, I set out to have him. Didn’t know it would end up being more than a moment, more than a shag. I just threw myself into what I later learned was a game played by a master, with me acting as pawn. Expendable but with a use."

Stuart’s words stopped for a moment, his feet bringing him forward without sound until he was at Vince’s back. He didn’t touch. He only stood close as the heat of his body bled forth to warm Vince’s back despite the distance between them.

"Two weeks in and the day came. I’d watched him every class . . . talking, teaching and moving across the hall. Watched his body until my focus was lost to the written word we were studying. And he knew. He knew I was looking, acting the twat. He called on me that day, asking a question I didn’t know the answer to for not listening. Told me to meet him in his office after. And all I thought was, ‘perfect.’ Showed up twenty minutes late thinking it would put me more in his mind. He was standing with his back to me like you are now. Rigid and fierce in the half darkness of his office. One light shining on the desk, and everything else in shadow." Stuart raised his hand, lightly teasing his fingertips through Vince’s hair - keeping a connection to his lover as his story was told.

"Me standing there, waiting what seemed like forever for him to turn or to say something. Put on my best smile so he’d see it when he turned, knowing what it did to most. But he just stood there; didn’t move and I started worrying. All of a sudden he’s around the desk and moving in on me fast. A head higher and all of him muscles, he came crashing against me. Drove me back until I was caught between him and the wall. I was trapped, staring up at him in shock like a mong. And all I can see were his eyes, almost glowing in the half light, looking through me with a focus I’d never known. He was all man, all want. No thought of danger. Just need. His hands claiming me, running over my body as he jerked my shirt over my head. Callused fingers ripping my pants open, clutching my cock. I had no say in what was happening. My brain was on hold, my body was his. The only thoughts in my head were, ‘ya a’right,’ and ‘yes,’ as he watched my face." Stuart ran his hand down Vince’s spine, feeling the tension underneath his lover’s skin.

"It’s okay, Vince. He just took me by surprise. I still wanted him. Just didn’t know until later that surprises were his kink of taste. Surprises and risks, they were what Brendan liked best. Second only to control." Tracing his fingers along the length of Vince’s arms, Stuart twined his hands palm to palm with Vince’s own before continuing. "He had me there, pants gone and shoes yanked off … pinned bare-arsed to the wall before he even snogged me the first time. Brendan tasted of Cognac, always did though I never saw him off his head. Just when I’m finding my bearings in the kiss, he jerked his hand to his pants and freed his cock. I could tell he was doing something, but he wouldn’t stop snogging me. Next thing, I’m half in the air. He lifted me up by the hips and I’m clutching at him with hands and legs trying not to fall but he’s got my back braced on the wall and my weight in his hands. Then I felt it, his cock pressing between my cheeks. I’m thought, how the hell did things happen so fast. There was never a question of who was getting shagged once he rushed me. Somehow I’d known that, but the reality of it had me leaking like some git getting wanked for the first time. He pulled my hand down between my legs so that I could feel he’d sheathed and lubed himself. I was groaning like a fool when he started pressing inside. It’d been forever since I’d been shafted. He took it slow, staring into my eyes…drawing it out as I felt every inch till he was balls deep and I’d run out of air. There’s me hanging off him as he drove into me, slamming inside so damn good. And he was huge, this man. Felt like he was gonna shove up through my throat. Never felt so possessed and used in all my life and I loved it. I loved the helplessness of it, the command of him and the giving over to how it made me feel. I came so hard without even touching my cock, spunk staining his sweater as he clutched me close and gasped out the only word he’d said during the whole scene. He grunted, ‘Fuck,’ and then he came as he slammed me back into the wall."

Winding their clasped hands round Vince’s waist, Stuart bowed his head to rest on his lover’s shoulder. "Back was a mess of blues and blacks after that, but it didn’t matter to me. I’d tasted the fire in him and cared little for the singe. Threw all my ‘had him’ thoughts out the door and chose not to think about what going back for more meant. The change in me after . . . I didn’t care to reason. All I knew was he wanted me again. Six weeks gone thereafter and I’d done anything he wanted. No matter how bizarre or risky the place, the timing or the act as long as a condom was in reach. I wasn’t in control of any of it. Opposite all my familiar inclinations to have ‘em all and only once. He was the fix for my addiction as my grades dropped, as I stopped going out and as I stopped coming home to visit. But I didn’t see any of that until it was too late. I didn’t see that he never talked to me, that he never acknowledged knowing me in public or that as the days fell back, he stopped wanting to see me as much. The only thing my brain knew was one day we were fine and the next thing, I was cut off entirely."

Stuart squeezed Vince in a hug as he finished. "I was half mad after that. He’d refused to see me. Took up following him back to his one night and then I saw everything so fucking clear. He was with a man, younger than me even. Brendan had him naked across his lap with hands tied and blindfolded, shagging him. I stood watching through a window…seeing my own replacement being fucked just as I had been before. And I knew my self again. I knew what I’d let happen, how I’d given over in the rush and willingly stayed lost in him. Saw clearly how I’d gone wrong. Was running the list of don’ts through my head the whole walk back to my room. Don’t shag older men. Don’t shag anyone again, if I’d had him the once. Don’t get close to those you do shag. Don’t give up control. And don’t get caught. My mantra set in stone."

Turning Vince in his arms, Stuart whispered. "You’re the exception to every rule, Vince. Older," he laughed before getting serious again. "More than once. Oh so close. And I’m thankfully caught. As for giving up control, you are the only one I trust. It’s time to find myself in surrendering to you. With you. Help me, Vince. Help me give over. Tell me what you want."

. . . and the story will continue with Part 5 of "Love is a Many Splintered Thing".