Title: "The Longest Dream"

Author/pseudonym: xof

Fandom: Queer As Folk (USA)

Pairing: Brian/ Michael

Rating: R

Status: New/Complete

Archive: Yes. Please. (Across The Pond, especially)

Series/Sequel: Seventh in Dreams Series.

Disclaimers: I don't own these characters. I presume Showtime does...

Notes: This is a missing scene from Season Two, Episode Twelve. As such it belongs to my Dreams Series. I recommend new readers read the other six stories in this series, "Only. Everything." - "Drifting" - "On Dreams of You" - "Mind's Eye" - "Home" - "Sense and Sensation." This story is my own answer to the thought that canon had ended my series before I was willing to say goodbye. A big thank you to Alexis for the beta. You are a doll, darlin'..

Summary: Handling the nightmare's aftermath..

Warnings: Spoilers for US QAF. Up through Season 2, Episode 12.

FEEDBACK is definitely desired. Would really appreciate knowing how you all feel on this one. Details gladly accepted.

Dream 7: The Longest Dream

Michael.

Alone in the dark. For hours it seemed, but really only a few minutes had passed. Since Brian had left.

Since he'd taken Michael's sleeve-worn heart to its limits.

Full to near bursting, his heart had held resolute with a strength that Michael had to wonder that he'd possessed. But still.... He felt no pride in turning Brian out. His desire to have him stay had equaled his desire to have him leave. It was the manner of Brian's touch that decided his course.

Crossing the line from dream to light, with an aggressive grope and a jarring come-on that lacked in resonance what he knew Brian could deliver to the nearest stranger. Words sounding false. Sounding hollow.

It hadn't felt right. Hadn't felt....

Hadn't felt the same as their dreams.

Michael knew what having Brian touch him with honest passion was like. What lived in their most private moments, the touches that drove them together under the pledge of it not infringing on their current reality - that was what he`d wanted to feel in Brian`s kiss. It's why for so brief an instant, Michael had given into the kiss. Had dove forward in the rush. But this tonight, had sounded forth with a glaring scream of nothingness in his head.

How quickly it had crashed down on him, the need to STOP what would be a betrayal to them both.

Watching Brian leave, hearing the last of his words sounding long after he'd gone - Michael had slid to the floor. He buried his head against his up-drawn knees to wait out the rush of his ringing ears, pounding heart and drying tears.

And still the minutes passed in silence . . . until Michael jerked at the unexpected ringing of his cell phone. Taking a breath, he reached into his pocket and took the call. Without a look as to who it was on the other line.

"Yeah, hello." His voice husked out in a quiet tone that fell even as it began.

Dead silence sounded back in return. That is until Michael heard a familiar sound that identified his caller.

"Brian?" When the man didn't respond, Michael smiled despite his ragged spirit. "I can tell it's you by your breathing, Brian. Deviated septum, remember."

Long sigh from Brian's end of the line. Then he cleared his throat. "We need to talk."

Michael couldn't help the shaky laugh that escaped. "You'd have thought we'd done enough of that tonight."

Brian answered in a distracted tone, "Too much and not enough."

They both stayed on the phone, not talking as each tried to think of what to say.

Running his hand through his hair, Michael frowned. "This feel as much like a nightmare to you as it does to me?"

Brian shifted audibly over the line, before he answered. In a voice filled with serious regard, "Come outside, Mikey."

Cutting the call without answering, Michael stood up. He didn't question that he'd do as Brian asked. It was a given that he would, for both their sakes. They couldn't leave things the way they had. Not when he had to face Ben in the aftermath.

Double-checking things before he shut down, Michael grabbed his jacket and opened the door.

Brian's jeep was parked just down and across the street, running with a soft purr in the cool night. Once he was close, Michael opened the passenger door. Brian didn't move. He looked forward, with his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. Finally when it became obvious that Michael wasn't getting in, Brian looked at him. "Come on, Michael. Your virtue's safe."

~~

Brian.

Wrong thing to say. That was evident in the tensing of Michael's body, and the way he ducked his head.

Shit. Brian Kinney - par for the course. Trying to make things better by making them worse. When the hell would he learn it usually didn't accomplish his intent with Michael. Not since they'd drawn the line between reality and living dreams.

Raising his brow even as he frowned, Brian changed his tone. "No worries, Mikey."

His friend gave a shrug, "I need to check in with Ben. I kinda bailed on him earlier."

Brian looked at him, intent and knowing. After a pause, Michael got into the jeep.

Passed the second red light Brian sped through on evacuated streets with not a word said, Michael asked. "Where are we headed?"

"Back to the beginning." After a moment, when it became clearer through the twists and turns of the jeep where he was headed - Brian added, "Back to where fantasy touched our reality for the first time." He turned to see Michael's expression as they pulled up to Michael's childhood home.

Confused, he wasn't. Resigned probably, and nervous definitely. But despite all, even how Brian had coarsely manhandled him earlier, Michael's face shown with trust. He would go where Brian led, needing the answers they both sought.

The understanding that would see them through and beyond.

The lights were out inside Deb's house. She was obviously on night shift again, and Vic wasn't in. Feet sounding loudly over the porch as they entered the house with Michael's key, Brian immediately went up the stairs with Michael in his wake. Straight to Michael's old room.

He leaned against the opened door until Michael came within. Brian deliberately held Michael's gaze as he closed the door and locked it from behind his back. Still not speaking, Brian jerked his leather jacket off his arms and threw it absently across the room. He walked towards Michael, brushing against his shoulder as he passed.

Brian took a moment to kick off his shoes and then sprawled over the small expanse of the single bed, lying on his back with his hands under his head. He didn't speak.

Michael waited briefly then asked, "What's going on, Brian?"

More silence.

Brian was intentionally drawing out the moment. And he didn't know why. He knew he wanted this to happen. And he knew that he hadn't a clue as to how it would end. Just that it had to occur.

Michael started to turn on a lamp, stopping as Brian finally spoke. "Don't."

"Why not?"

Sighing, Brian trailed a hand over the warm patch of skin exposed by his rucked up shirt - fingers unconsciously circling across his bare stomach. "Because we seem to handle darkness better than light."

Hearing a shuffle from beside him, Brian turned his head. Michael had taken his coat off and folded it over the chair at the desk. When he would have sat down, Brian held out a hand - indicating that Michael was to join him. Moving over to make room, Brian had to smile at the frown on his friend's face. Brian sat up and jerked Michael's shoes off as he'd done his own, disregarding the man's small protest as he came to rest on his side.

Michael remained on his back, internalizing the silence as Brian watched worry echoing on his features. The only light in the room was moonlight from the windows, and it shown over Michael's pale skin - reflecting in his dark eyes.

When Brian moved a hand towards Michael's waist, his friend jerked before settling again. "If you make for my crotch again, I'll do my damnedest to box your ears, Kinney." Despite the words, Brian's hand did find purchase on the smooth curve of Michael's stomach.

"I'm trying to make a bad dream better."

Michael shook his head, "No, it was real." He sounded so sad.

Brian nodded, ducking to rest his forehead on Michael's shoulder. "Real bad." He closed his eyes as Michael cupped his head, fingers tracing over the curve of his scalp as they rested. As time followed its course, they remained quite. Comforted by closeness, if not closure.

Michael voice murmured softly near Brian's ear, "It felt different."

"What?"

"You. From before. I didn't...." Michael paused before continuing, "It wasn't us like we are now."

Nodding as he hugged Michael closer, Brian drew back to look at Michael. Letting him reason out what he needed to say without input.

"I don't know what it was." Michael's confusion was evident in his tone.

Brian turned Michael's face his way with a hand on his friend's cheek, "What is was, was wrong." Smiling slightly, Brian continued. "But it is what most others get of me."

Releasing a breath he'd held for a bit, Michael grimaced for a brief second before asking honestly. "Why do I feel like a hypocrite?"

"You just need to see that what they get, what Ben had - it's nothing."

Michael asked softly, "Do you think we've drifted ourselves into a corner?"

Brian frowned, "We just toed the line too closely, Mikey." Running a hand through Michael's hair, he added. "Know what they say?"

"What?"

Leaning in to kiss Michael's forehead lightly, Brian answered. "Waking a sleepwalker suddenly can be a dangerous thing."

Michael closed his eyes, murmuring into Brian's mouth as it brushed against his own. "I don't want to wake up."

Brian stopped Michael's words with a kiss, taking him sweetly. They both moaned as each opened fully for the other, tongues playing into rich warm depths that raised their blood's temperature. The complete opposite to the earlier assault. Brian pressed closer, grinning into their connection when Michael jerked Brian over his body - holding him by the hips as they moved together in a tease. With a groan, Brian pulled back.

Michael was looking at his mouth. Lord, when he did that it went straight to Brian's cock. Fighting himself for a moment of clarity despite the blood-rush, Brian made a decision. He sat up, straddling Michael's hips. Feeling the weight of his friend's eyes, Brian pulled his shirt open - the denim falling off his shoulders until it hung at his buttoned cuffs. He licked his lips as he slowly undid his jeans, the fly framing the dark curled hair beneath.

"Last time we were like this. In this room. I did all the touching, remember?" Quirking an eyebrow at Michael's murmured "yeah," Brian took his friend's hand and brought it to his chest. "Time to turn the tables don't you think?"

A breath taken as Michael failed to answer for a moment, and then his whisper sounded. "Sandman."

~~

Michael.

Looking up at Brian, seeing each sculpted line of him back lit by the shining moon.... There was no other response but yes.

Neutron Man could choose to take the power or save the world. All Michael could choose was not to choose. Take Brian, take Ben. Love Brian, love Ben. Live in the moment, as he felt the moment living through him.

He knew himself to be weak. Weak in spirit at the sight of this man and what he was offering. What they were once more allowing each to experience without consequence or repercussion. Michael was no superhero standing above the fray - he was a man in need of more. Brian would forever be his first fantasy. And the longest dream of Michael's life.

"Mikey...."

That one quiet call and Michael was back in his childhood room, spread out on the small bed that had held his body grounded through each emission, tear and laugh Brian's presence in Michael's life had caused in his youth. Back to now and the invitation in Brian's eyes.

Michael followed the course of his hand with a focused look as he teased a slow glide down the center of Brian's chest, fingernails pressing in as Brian groaned. Soothing the fiery line, Michael rubbed circles upward until he had a hand pulling Brian back down to him.

Faces inches apart, eyes locked - each to the other. Michael reached between them and pushed Brian's jeans to mid-thigh. He smiled in answer to Brian's grin, raising his head to kiss the upward curve of his friend's lips. Falling into their press and slide, feeling the whirl inside his system even as he remained supported by the mattress below him - Michael grasped Brian's hips as he tried to arch closer to the man.

Speaking into their kiss, Michael asked, "I want to feel you, pressing me down."

Brian bit at Michael's lip, drawing back from the tease slowly. "Skin to skin." He pulled Michael's green t-shirt up, trapping it above the nipples as he licked down Michael's chest and stomach to his waist. Brian ran his chin along the sensitive skin there, gently grazing Michael with his stubble as his friend sucked in a breath.

Michael hummed a pleased sound at the roughness, closing his eyes briefly as he felt Brian opening his jeans. Opening them again in surprise at the sudden jerk of Brian pulling the denim down quickly to his knees, Michael groaned in answer to Brian's quick move back over his body. The weight of him holding Michael trapped.

"Ahh, Brian. I.... Please." Michael couldn't finish the thought as Brian pulled him into another kiss. Gasping with pleasure as Brian tasted him, Michael arched up as his senses called for more. More of the beating of Brian's heart against his chest. More of their tangled limbs sliding together as their hips met. More of Brian's cock against his own.

But there was Brian, covering him . . . holding him still as their mouths lingered. Michael panted as he strained to touch more of his friend, as he felt the friction of their chests sliding slick with nipples tight. Brian grabbed Michael's wandering hands and held them captive at the sides of his head.

"Feel it, Mikey. Feel my cock riding over yours." Brian rasped the words while staring into Michael's trapped gaze. "You're wet with wanting this. So fucking hard . . . uhnnn."

Michael jerked against Brian's driving hips, stopping the words that would call him over the edge too quickly with another kiss. Desperate to calm them as they writhed like teenagers with no control, Michael went completely still. He dropped back from the kiss, opening his eyes. "Slow." The word carrying over them both - a whispered need.

Brian lifted up with a deliberate ease that belayed the arc of his arousal. He never let Michael's eyes find freedom, even as he worked the denim shirt over his own wrists. His body shimmered in the darkened room, its beauty both darkly menaced and lightly called seduction to bear. Brian took a breath, running his hands down the line of his chest and then over his thighs as he rose up on his knees. "Kick `em off."

As told, Michael worked his jeans off his legs until they fell to the floor. He watched as Brian did the same.

"And this...." Brian pulled Michael's shirt over his head, leaving them naked and free of obstructions. Settling back over Michael's legs, he took his friend's hand and licked the palm. Drawing their joined fingers down he asked, "Tell me, Mikey. I was the first, wasn't I?" He smiled as Michael moaned with the first stroke placed around his hardened flesh.

Thought running a race with sensation, Michael answered. "What? I don't...ahh. Oh shit." His fumbled words stumbling as Brian increased the rhythm over Michael's cock.

"The first man besides yourself to touch this, to feel it hard in my hand." Brian's voice was as addictive as his looks.

That voice that had tickled through Michael's mind as his conscience calling - in good times and bad, for more than half his life.

"You, you we.... Yes." Michael's voice dropped as his breathing hitched with the effort not to lose it. Moaning, he grabbed Brian's arm by the wrist. "You knew that already."

Brian lifted his captive hand from Michael's hard-on, bringing it to Michael's neck as he kissed him. Expression serious and eyes sharp, he drew back to confess, "I knew." Brian covered Michael's body again, their legs tangling together as they circled their hips and murmured pleased sounds at the contact. "It was all over your face, shining in your eyes and written across your skin in scarlet." Seeing Michael turning his head, Brian drew his face back with a touch to soothe the embarrassment his friend suffered. "And I loved knowing it, Mikey. And that's what DID count."

Michael was mesmerized by the determination in Brian's words, and he wondered at the man's need for him to understand how that moment had been unique for them both. Words failed as Michael drove his fingers into Brian's hair and pulled him down, kissing him with all the fervor of his pounding pulse. Calling for more as they arched and strained together, rhythm wild and frantic. Push forward, up - down . . . against the other as each panted and gasped.

It was as desperate as their first night, and as quickly coming towards the end. Brian grabbed the pillow under Michael's head, clutching it in a grip that would have marked his friend's flesh had he not sidetracked the need. The need to hold on tight, to merge closer as Michael circled his legs over Brian's thighs and cried out.... And Brian's body spasmed with the violence of crashing to heaven and falling through the sky.

Coming back from the otherness of bliss, Brian buried his head on Michael's rapidly rising and falling chest. He was smiling, and gasping his pleasure when Michael hugged him and laughed.

The laughter was infectious, leaving them looking at each other with humor's own tears threatening to fall - the mirror opposite of those on Michael's face earlier than evening. Michael closed his eyes and breathed slowly, his heart slowing as his skin cooled. Brian eased over to his side, staying close with a hand over Michael's waist.

Opening them again, Michael looked at Brian. His friend was biting his thumb and looking over at the memento board that held their high school picture. The quiet settled with a stronger sense of ease than Michael would have expected, and he knew now was the time.

"Sandy," Michael smiled as Brian raised an eyebrow at the variation of his dream name. "I'm going to tell him, Brian." He eased a touched over Brian's full lips, soothing his wild hair back from his forehead. "Not about this. It still belongs to us. But I am going to tell Ben how I feel. How I've always felt." Left unsaid was, `about you.' Though by the look on Brian's face, it was understood. "And that I love him."

Brian rested his chin over his hand, spread on top of Michael's chest. He didn't say anything for a bit, but then with a quick look away he said quietly, "More than me." The words weren't phrased as a question, but they sounded that way.

Michael ran his fingers down the line of Brian's arm, stopping as they fluttered a touch over the smoothed edges of Brian's shell bracelet. "No, but more than enough."

Pulling Michael over so that he rested against Brian`s body, both men on their sides, Brian murmured "Enough."

Michael agreed, but with a separate assurance. "Enough, but only for now."

Finis