Fandom: Queer As Folk

Title: I'll Be Coming Back For You

Pairing: VT/NM (platonic), SAJ/VT (implied)

Rating: PG in my mind, maybe PG-13 if swear words start getting out of hand...

Disclaimer: not mine, wish they were & all that jazz...<g>

Feedback: Yeah! Marvellous!... to the list or to kieren_56@yahoo.co.uk

Spoilers: I always find it useful to watch the full QAF, maybe you could do that and lemme know if there are any? No really, spoilers for QAF2's finale very likely.

I'LL BE COMING BACK FOR YOU
by Kieren

Nathan was bored. It wasn't the first time in his life, but it sure seemed the longest. He refused to admit it, but he'd been bored since Stuart had taken off with Vince. Very generous of them to leave him all this ghetto to cruise. He should feel grateful, really. But all he had was a sort of blind resentment. And it was starting to spread, to invade every aspect of his life. He was doing terribly at school, he couldn't even think about going on to college, he had fallen out with his mum...

Everything falling apart around him and yet that wasn't the worst bit. The worst bit was having got left behind. Why? Because he was a kid? Because it would be all wrong? Maybe, just maybe, they truly didn't have space for him anymore. Stuart didn't. Vince had never been the issue, and yet Vince was on his mind a lot these days. It was probably all that time he was spending at Hazel's. It was extremely hard to fall out with Hazel, so it seemed a good place to
be when he didn't want to think too much about... things. All sorts of things.

Hazel missed Vince, so they talked about him sometimes. Most times. Vince as a child, Vince at Nathan's age, Vince and Stuart. Nathan was starting to... no, not love... admire? Respect. He was starting to respect Vince. Respect can be all, if your life's getting emptier every day. But what good was respect from so far away... Where would Stuart have taken him? How far would Vince allow himself to be taken? Hazel didn't know. Stuart's parents? Very unlikely. His best bet would have to be Romey - Nathan simply couldn't believe they would have cut themselves from Alf completely. Vince wouldn't stand it, for one. And to be fair, Stuart wouldn't, either.

Romey was being her lovely self. Offered him coffee and all. Talked with him properly, not 'at' him, as Lisa would... He was happy for Romey that they had made up and all, but Lisa made him feel...inadequate. Good word, that one. It fitted so many situations right now.

"Stuart hasn't exactly kept in touch, you know? I'd be surprised if he had. But Vince sends the odd postcard."

"So you know if they're coming back?"

"Well.. Vince said he wanted to be here for Hazel's birthday, but I'm not supposed to tell. I guess Stuart's coming, too. I'm sure they won't mind me telling you..." she hesitated

"You mean, cos they probably didn't think of me at all? It's OK."

Romey could see it wasn't okay.

"They're old men, really."

"Yeah. Dirty old men. I'm better off with guys my own age. That's...so... It's.."

"Ageism? I think you'll find it isn't. Anyway, I thought you were over Stuart..."

"I am!" it came out much too quickly. "Honest..."

Romey gave him a puzzled look

"Yes. I think you mean that, so why are you asking?"

"I..just wondered. What with Hazel talking about Vince all the time and that."

"You won't tell her, though?"

"No, of course not. I'm glad he's coming, mind."


Was he, though? Hero-worship didn't become Nathan. But maybe he'd just been too narrow minded up to this...revelation. It wasn't as if he felt sexually attracted to Vince. He was cute, well more than cute - he was gorgeous. But this wasn't the main thing. He needed some reasonably well-adjusted gay adult, if only as a ... he shuddered...a 'role model'? Daft! He had the Ghetto at his feet. But he'd rather just have Vince to talk to, to ask for advice...for...Guidance. That was it.

He was reassured by the fact they'd be coming to Hazel soon, well fairly soon.

His feet traced a path to Canal Street. He was more than a little absent-minded. But he was determined to drown his sorrows in furious all-night partying. Promiscuous? At times, he didn't care a fuck, but this was a special event. He left early. Went to Hazel's, and promptly fell asleep in Vince's old bedroom. He woke up several times during the night. He couldn't help imagining some of Vince's glorious scent still hung about in the room. He breathed in, in urgent, gasping manner. Hoping for God know what. Nearness? A bond? Hope? Yes, all of that.

The memory of Stuart became increasingly blurred.

No! He would not love Vince! He'd talk to him, maybe. Take his advice, possibly. Nothing wrong in that - he dared not ask for more. For now.

Hazel's birthday party was a huge extravaganza. Not on the Street. Stuart had rented a conference hall or two at some major posh Hotel. Vince made sure the walls were sound-proof, of course.

Nathan went with his mum. Janice was so happy for Hazel that she forgot all about being mad at Nathan. That was a relief.

Vince and Stuart were all over each other most of the time. That didn't exactly come as a surprise to Nathan, presumably they'd been acting like this all over the world, why not here? Stuart's family not being there probably made it easier. Not on Stuart, who probably didn't give a toss, but on Vince, who still seemed as if he might try to 'behave' if Clive and Margaret showed up. Or did he? They seemed to have grown closer together, if that was true of their souls, it was only naturally suppose their minds and social habits would have followed.

Nathan was troubled by the fact that in spite of all this evidence, he was still aching to get Vince alone and talk. Just, talk. Nothing wrong with that.

To his immense joy, Hazel grabbed hold of Stuart and proceeded to do a mad twirl with him that probably didn't qualify as any recognisable form of dance. It was a pure Hazelism. Vince was no wallflower these days. Nathan saw him move in the direction of Alex's new boyfriend
but intercepted him midway with what he hoped was a straight face and an air of concern.

"Vince?"

"Hiya! Having a good time?"

"Yeah...Sure, yes! Look, I really need to talk. Don't panic, it's not about Stuart!"

"Mum?"

"No, not yours, nor mine... I just really need your...advice. I realise this is not the best place, but for all I know you guys may have left by tomorrow..."

Vince noticed a certain despair. This could be serious. He might have told the boy to sod off, but it'd probably affect his sleep...

"The bar's still opened. I bet it's quiet, is it okay with you?"

"Fine, yeah."

They made their way to the bar in complete silence. Vince wasn't sure he should ask anything. Nathan was afraid to let out something that would send Vince back to Stuart's arms with a new joke to tell...

"So what are you having?"

"Coffee, please."

"That serious?" he turned to the barman "Two coffees please" and back to Nathan. Expecting some sign. Some word...

"I don't know where to start. I don't!..."

Vince went from surprise to surprise as Nathan now seemed on the verge of tears. He'd never seen him crying. What the hell was all this about. If it had been about Stuart he could just about
understand it, but Nathan had made that point very clear - it wasn't.

Vince risked it.

"Boyfriend troubles?"

After a brief hesitation, Nathan decided this was as good an opening as he was likely to get, what with Vince still in the dark...

"Yes...I suppose. You might call it that, yes."

Vince felt this was going to be much harder than he'd thought. 16? He tried to remember himself at 16 but gave it up. Nathan's was a different 16. Till now a far more extrovert 16. But it could just as well be a more mature 16 hiding behind all these serious looks.

"Anyone I know? I guess that's not likely..."

Nathan took a deep breath.

"Can we first discuss him...abstractly. You know, no names and that..."

"Of course."

"Here it goes then - I'm not sure it's love. I'm pretty certain he doesn't love me. He's older than me, but I've known him for ages...well, for a while, and I never thought of him as...

"As boyfriend material? This really isn't about Stuart, is it?"

"No!" it came out much too strong "Sorry... It's just... You just assumed it was. Why?"

"I was being stupid. Jealous. A twat." Vince was giving him a shy smile. Nathan weakened. He couldn't go on, yet - what else was there for him?

"'s okay. It's not Stuart. And it's not love. It's just someone I'd like to be closer to. Something like a friend, but just that bit more than a friend..."

"He doesn't get it, Nathan thought desperately. How can he possibly not get it? He must know the effect he has on me. Or suspect. Go on, give us a sign here, Vince..."

"About my age, this guy?"

Was this a sign? Was this a mere guess?

"There's no easy way to say this... It's you. It's you Vince. I'd like us to be friends, or more... Maybe I'm just confusing things. Respect, admiration - are those things Love?"

Vince was speechless. Almost unknowingly he was staring at Nathan, but Nathan was avoiding eye contact. Vince tentatively reached out his hand, Nathan wasn't crying. He was cold, freezing. And flushed. He was all sorts of other terrifying things inside, he barely managed to say "thanks for the coffee" and then he fled. Not downstairs, either. He ran and ran until he found his way out of the hotel, and went on running. Vince would probably think he was drunk and forget all about it. Or maybe he'd think this was Nathan's way to annoy Stuart, to get back at him for... for everything. He only stopped running when he reached Hazel's. He let himself in and knew it would be too painful to go up to Vince's old room. He sat on the stairs, his head buzzing, his body exhausted. There were no tears. That made the pain much worse.

Vince had gone back to the party. Most of all he was puzzled. It hadn't exactly been Love, but Nathan seemed to be declaring some feeling for him all the same. He tried to avoid Stuart, Janice, Hazel... The easy way out was to attach himself to Alex, so to speak. Alex would be too pissed to notice Vince's awkwardness. Fine.

Bernie was back early. Probably needed to sleep it off. Nathan got out of his way. It was a blessing that they'd all been drinking themselves into a stupor. Nathan went out to get some fresh air. To think things over. He felt much worse now that he'd told Vince...but told him what? What was Vince to make of it? Nothing. It'd been too silly. Too... contrived. But Vince had been just as sober as Nathan. There'd be no easy way out of this one...

(...)

Vince made a point of driving his mum home. And of sending Stuart back to one of the posh hotel's suites promising he'd be back soon. Not a problem - despite what Stuart thought, he wasn't all that good at holding his liquor. That's to say, he held it, but brain & body demanded he collapsed onto a bed in a state not fit for human consumption...

Hazel was merely bursting with joy, so Vince pushed her into her room and left it at that. He peeked into his old room. The light by his bedside was switched on. And sat on the floor in the nearest available corner was Nathan. Still awake. Still not crying.

Vince had been thinking about their... talk, was it? He'd been thinking about it all the way back here. He still didn't know how to approach Nathan, but at least in his mind he was sure Nathan hadn't been playing any games. Not that mind games were beyond any of the people he knew these days. Except Alf and Romey, possibly. Still, he had to be the first to say something, right?

"Nathan? I thought I might find you here..."

"Look I know this is your room, I haven't touched a thing...I just..."

"Was my room. I'm happy it can be of some use now."

"To the homeless boy?"

"To you."

This one caught Nathan off guard.

"Didn't think you remembered me, well I'm sure you don't in that great big world of yours."

Vince blushed. Like he used to ages ago.

"That's not fair..."

"I know. It's below the belt. I was just trying to get some kind of reaction, I was... I'm sorry, I have no idea where these feelings came from. And I sure as hell don't know how to handle them."

"Get up, let's sit somewhere more comfortable."

"God, I wish that was a come on!..." but then he just smiled. Na innocent, awkward smile.

"Let's say it's not that good, but it's not terrible either, okay?"

"Yeah."

They sat on Vince's bed, Nathan's bed. Time ceased to have meaning. This could be now, tomorrow, 15 years ago.

"Remember when we first met?"

"Yeah, you called me "Stuart's stalker"... Couldn't get rid of me fast enough..." contrary to Vince's expectations Nathan's smile was more relaxed now.

"I was an idiot, a jealous bastard. I still relapse. But it's not like that now. I... I think you're good, a good person. I'd like to help you. Or at least try..."

"I'm a lost case Vince. I'm not in Love with you, but I do love you. Still with me?"

"Yep."

"I... I wish I could deal with lots of things in my life, mum, school... I wish I could be a little more like you. And I think you're great. Great and gorgeous! Not fair!" - Nathan was laughing,
but maybe that was just to disguise the tears that were finally pouring out

"Sure this is me you mean?" - it wasn't self-mocking Vince talking. It was pleasantly-surprised Vince - all the difference, isn't it?

"Oh yes. It's you. But I don't see how you can help me at all... or even begin to try."

Vince did somethinh then that he'd never regret. He kissed Nathan's forehead, ran his fingers through Nathan's hair. Felt the boy tense up, and then relax as teir lips entwined.

"Come with us Nathan... Not a threesome, you know that. This was hello and goodbye in one kiss - but I'd like us to be friends, too - and that means spending some time together, right?"

"How does Stuart feel about that?"

"You just leave Stuart to me. Can't I invite my friends to come along with us?"

This was much more than Nathan had thought possible

"Maybe I'll find True Love in that huge world, right?"

"Very likely. The Mancunian ghetto is no place for a friend of mine!..."

"You mean that."

"I do. Pack your things, and we'll pick you up tomorrow morning. Is 10 okay with you?

"Fine! Vince? Thanks... So much..."

School? He could repeat. Family? They always forgave. Friends? He'd found one.Or two.

They mightn't have showed up of course, but they did. And Stuart had to put up with the back seat. And with Nathan between himself and Vince on the plane. But he bore it well. The overall amount of happiness in their circle of friends & relations had increased considerably - and it would have been very mean of Stuart to begrudge that. After all, he was Lovely, wasn't he?

HAPPY OPEN END