Title: The Best Defense

Name: Danielle

Email: MichaelsPatience@yahoo.com

URL: http://geocities.com/iwantittobeyou/

Version: US

Pairing: Brian/Michael

Category: episode related, POV, angst

Status: new

Rating: PG13

Warnings: none

Summary: My take on Brian's thoughts and the reasons behind his actions on the stairs at Babylon

Notes: For all of the Brian and Michael fans out there who knew that those "rules" would get broken!

Spoilers: Everything and anything up to and including episode 211

Disclaimers: Not mine but I wish they were, all dialogue taken directly from the episode

Archiving Permission: My site, others please ask

Note: I apologize for all mispellings, didn't bother checking this time around, I'm still on a high from the events in this episode to care!

The Best Defense
by Danielle

He couldn't take it anymore. Ben was everywhere. He showed up for dinner at the diner, he hung out at Woody's to play pool, he was at Babylon almost everynight Mikey was there. Brian knew Michael's feeling for Ben were deeper than what he had felt for David, but he wasn't expecting, he wasn't prepared for this. David had kept his distance, and frankly no one cared much about it. David wasn't interested in involving himself in Mikey's life all that much, but Ben, fucking Ben was proving to be no David.

Brian leaned against the railing with his back to the dance floor, partially listening to the conversation going on around him between his friends about Emmett's new ass. His eyes were cast down but from the corner of his eye he watched. He watched Michael, his Mikey, leaning back against Ben with a happy smile on his face. Ben had his arms tightly wrapped around Michael silently declaring posession. There was a time when Brian would have been the one holding Mikey like that, but those moments were few and far between. Why? Because of Justin, because of Ben, but ultimately because of Brian and Michael themselves. Just a couple of weeks ago when Mikey had learned he was losing his childhood hero Brian and gone to him at the comic book store. He reached out to touch Michael but Mikey walked away. He had been so desperate, so needy to feel Mikey in his arms again herefused to let the moment pass. Brian had followed him around and slowly worked his arm around Michael's neck, he touched Michael repeatedly and saw as Mikey let down his gaurd and they immediately fell back into their old routine. He wrapped his arms around Mikey from behind, kissed him and nuzzled his face into his neck. Breathing in his scent.

The memory quickly faded when Ben commented on Michael's bare ass. His irritation boiled over to anger and he wasn't even sure why exactly. A small voice inside was whispering to him, "You know why", but he paid it no attention. Trying to distract himself he looked at the pictures Emmett was showing them of his potentially new ass and joined in the conversation. He turned and looked in their direction, he had no control over the movement of his head and the direction of his eyes. Michael was fucking smiling up into Ben's face. No, he was beaming. Christ there was even a twinkle in his eyes and it made Brian sick. Seeing Michael this wat was killing him. He had known Mikey for 16 years now and had never seen anyone make him smile like that before. Certainly not the Doc and definitely not Brian. And why would he? No matter what Mikey feels, or felt as the case seemed to be these days there has never been a reason for Michael to look at him that way. Ben was giving Michael everything he needed, everything he deserved, everything that Brian wasn't. Brian turned his back to his friends and looked out across the filled dance floor, his shoulders hunched down pretending to scope out the scene looking for a trick but he saw no one. Hie eyes saw nothing but blackness and the expression on Michael's face. Mikey was in love.

So when Michael remarked that Brian should be going to the wedding rather than The White Party he lashed out. The best defense is a great offence, words Brian has lived by his entire life.

"You'll be there, you can cry for the both of us", he said in his usual cool, calm tone.

Raising an eyebrow and giving Mikey a cocky look he turned and walked away. He turned away so fast his head spun, he didn't want to see the wounded look on Michael's face. He knew it would be there, Brian had caused that pained expression more times than he wanted to admit over the years. It was burned in his memory, had been since the first time he caused it. They were 14, had only known each other a short amount of time...not even 2 weeks before Brian had hurt him. Over what he didn't recall. He just remembered those big, brown eyes filling with sadness, he remembered the small pout on Michael's lips and the little crinkle forming between his eyes in confusion at Brian's hurtful remark. Brian's stomach lurched at the sight, he was sure Mikey would never come back from it. But he did, he always did. It amazed Brian to this day that someone with such a thin skin would continue to subject himself to more.

It suprised Brian when Michael followed him down the stairs and confronted him. Another sign of Ben's influence in Mikey's life he guessed. Brian expected to see anger in those brown eyes and steeled himself for an argument, but it wasn't anger he saw. He wasn't sure what it was exactly. Pity? Concern? A plea?

"You know what?", Michael said, "Everytime something big happens, my moving away, your fucking 30th birthday party, you pull the elusive Brian Kinney bit and bail. Why is that."

Brian felt a sharp, white hot pain shoot through his body. Of all the things Michael could have said in this moment he certainly never expected this.

"You know that's a rhetorical question not requiring an answer. Pardon me while I take a leak."

Brian said the words with his usual sarcastic and dismissive tone and moved around Michael to leave. But Mikey wasn't having it, he quickly took hold of Brian's arm and turned him around so they faced each other. Michael placed his hands firmly on Brian's shoulders, Brian felt the heat from his hands through his shirt. There was such sincerity in his eyes when he spoke next.

"Do you know what I think it is? I think you're afraid to let anyone know that you love them..."

Brian felt the bored look on his face fall away, his mind was trying to rebuild the wall Mikey had just kicked down but he wasn't done yet. Michael's hands quickly went to the back of Brian's neck and squeezed and than slid back to hold onto his shoulders again.

"...that you have feelings just like the rest of us," Michael leaned in close and softly spoke into his ear, "It's okay to be human ya know."

Brian pulled away from the hot sensation of Michael's breath against his skin, the light touch his lips made against Brian's ear when he spoke. Michael was looking down at him with such care, there was a knowing look in his eyes and again Brian refused to acknowledge the desire to lean into Michael and hold him. The desire to let Mikey know he was right. Instead he followed his gut reaction and started replacing that wall.

He made sure his voice dripped with sarcasm when he spoke, "Okay! You really wanna know the reason I bail?" he asked a bit more calmly

Michael didn't back away from the anger in his voice, he only pressed his hands more firmly into Brian's shoulders. Refusing to back down Brian said,

"The truth is I'd rather -get - laid", he said and emphasized the last two words. He took a breath and when Michael didn't say anything he asked, "Are we done?"

Michael looked so deeply into Brian's eyes that for a moment, for a heartbeat, Brian was unaware of everything but his friend. Mikey's hands felt so good pressing against him, the pained expression in his eyes was ignored by the love Brian saw there. He didn't want to label what kind of love it was, it was still there. Just for him. Ben may be able to draw that twinkle out but Brian was able to draw out all the empathy from inside Michael. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not. It didn't matter and he doesn't care. It was his.
He was the one that brings this side of Michael out. That amazingly caring and concerned human being he has known since they were kids. Mikey. His Mikey who has taken so much shit, so many hurtful words and actions from Brian for half of his life, was still here. Michael always absorbed the hurt, he took it all in and was still there looking at Brian with such love and devotion. Brian felt his heart swell with pride that this man cared about and loved him. That this man in front of him was his best friend. He never truly understood why. He knew, he saw the hurt slowly chip away at Michael's heart and smother his self confidence and self worth over time. No, Brian wasn't to blame for everything, but he knew he's the root of the problem. Pulling Michael closer only to reject him over and over.

Despsite knowing this, he needed to express himself to Michael. He didn't have the words, he didn't know what words to even use with their situation..their relationship being so confusing. So he moved towards Michael, reaching out with his arms and pulling Michael to him and kissed him. He kept his eyes open and so did Mikey. They looked into each other's eyes, they watched each other as Brian kissed him smoothly, pressing his lips fully and firmly against Michael's for the first time in ages. He didn't want to break the contact, he wanted to lean his forehead against Michael's like they always have and just be in the moment. His mind registered that their friends were only feet away. Justin wasn't watching but Ben was, and he was inching his way towards them. He pulled back and took another look at Michael, letting some of the joy he felt from the kiss show through before he turned and left.

As Brian moved away he heard Ben's voice, "Does he always kiss you like that?" he asked Michael.

Brian didn't bother trying to hear the answer, he didn't want to hear Mikey's response in fear of what he would say. He only knew that there were too many comflicting emotions coursing through him. Something needed to be done. A course of action needed to be set.

Brian had a secret.

Something involving Ben.

Something that had the potential to blow them apart.

Question was, who would be blown apart by this revelation?


END