Title: Gratitude
Author: Shanna Seamachai
an AU Red Dwarf fic
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister (transgender)
Rating:
Authors Note: At last! my first RD fic ^_^
Warnings: so far, no warning of any type. ^_^
Feedback: hope you like! C&C desperately needed. pulse2@crosswinds.net
Gratitude
by Shanna Seanachai
taking place sometime before Legion
The whole idea had been barmy in the first place.
"I've almost got it rigged up," Holly said confidentaly. Rimmer scowled. Holly being confident didn't mean anything; there was a 99% chance of a cock-up in anything that he did anyway. But the temptation was too great - he had to try this! He had to!
One month previously, while exploring the blasted out hull of an crashed ship on rocky, uininhabitable moon, He and Lister had a made anastounding discovery.
"What's this then?" Lister had wondered, poking around in the rubble. He'd come across a long, coffin shaped metal box of sorts, with a glass lid that had been smashed in. Lister cleared dirt and ash away from the sides, looking for clues. "Mor -mortality migration unit? What the smeg - Holly?” He’d held up his arm, where he sported a wrist-com. Hollly’s face peered out from the tiny screen.
“Mortality migration unit. Let me mull that over.” He made some appropriate mulling-over noises. “Well, basically, it’s just techno-babble for a life generator.”
“A what?” asked Rimmer, his heart (or the simulation of his heart) suddenly beating madly.
“If I’m correct, I think it could give you a new body, Arnold.”
Rimmer stood for a moment with his mouth open. He seemed to be in shock.
“But it’s broken!” Lister protested.
“Oh, it can be easily fixed, with the help of few scutters.”
“Really?”
“Oh, sure. Easy-peasy.” Holly had grinned gauntily. “There’s only one hard part, and luckily, you have to deal with it.”
“What’s that, Hol?”
“How to move it into the Dwarf.”
--
After several unsuccessful attempts with the skutters and a large lever found with the mining equipment, the Life Generator was painstakingly carried onto the ship, and there they began the lengthy process of repair. It wasn’t easy, when the only help was Lister, whose engineering expertise didn’t go far beyong the robotic goldfish kind; a few skutters; and the Cat, who was so useless as to just not be there. And with Rimmer constantly hanging over them like the Black Death as they worked, it got very frustrating very fast.
“Lister! Didn’t Holly say that red wire was supposed to be connected to the blue one? What are you doing with that green transistor?? Lister, if you bust this thing permanently, I’ll never forgive you. This is the chance of a deathtime. You can’t screw this up for me!”
Lister sighed, craddling his head in his grease covered hands. “Smeg, Rimmer. Will you leave me alone? I’m doing this for you.” He sighed, picked up a spanner, and went back to work. “I’d think you’d be grateful!”
“Of course I’m grateful, you goidt!” Rimmer snapped. “But I’m also very nervous. If this works - I’ll be alive! I’ll hold the future in my hands! I’ll hold a lot of things in my hands,” he added, grinning. “But if my normal strain of luck runs true, this will all go to hell, and I’ll be stuck with nothing.” He crumbled.
“Oh, Rimmer,” Lister. “You’re such a pessimist. Everything will be fine. I guarantee.”
--
And now here he was, ready to get his life back.
“All right. It’s one-hundred percent functional. Ready to go?”
Lister nodded, walking over to the hologramatic projection unit.
“We need to feed your hologramatic disk into the unit, Arnold,” Holly explained, and Rimmer, sighing, nodded. “Well, here goes nothing,” he said, and then disappeared as Lister ejected the disk.
“Now, Dave, you have to put the disk in that slot there on the right side of the Unit. Then just leave it up to me.”
Lister shrugged, slipping the disk inside. “Are you *sure* you know what you’re doing, Hol?”
“Are you doubting my intellectual grasp, mate? Well, I assure you, I know *exactly* what I’m doing.”
Lister sighed as he stepped back. “I hope so, Holly. I sure do.” The Unit erupted in electric beeps and a glowing light emerged from the glass lid. “If something strange happens, Rimmer will never let you hear the end of it...” He trailed off, biting his lip. If something strange happened, Rimmer’s disk could be permanently ruined and he would never be able to regain hologramatic status again. And then he wouldn’t be able to scream at anyone.
A humming noise emanated from the unit, and Lister sat down wearily. There was no going back now.
--
Three hours later, and Lister was sleeping in the chair when the humming stopped and the catch release popped on the lid of the unit, leaking smoke into the room. A few moments later the lid was slowly lifted, and a figure emerged from within, slowly, stiffly. It climbed slowly from the Unit, and sat on the. It held out its hands, studying them. Then it reached out and touched the unit...and then the floor...and then brought them to its face in amazement.
“It worked,” it whispered. “I don’t smegging believe it. It worked!!!”
It spotted Lister asleep in the chair and ran over to him, shaking him awake and laughing as its hands connected without passing through the man’s body. “Lister! Listy! It worked, it worked, I’m alive!”
Lister blinked awake, looking around curiously. “Rimmer?” he murmured, staring at the figure before him. Then he sat up and blinked. “Rimmer!?!?! Is that *you*?”
“Of course it’s me, you stupid gimboid. Isn’t it a-smegging-mazing? I’m alive!”
“Rimmer....” Lister stood up uncomfortably. “Rimmer, have you looked in the mirror?”
“Why?”
“I think Holly cocked up a bit.” He winced. “More than a bit, actually.” He reached out and pulled a long strand of hair from Rimmer’s shoulder and held it up. “A lot, maybe?”
Rimmer grabbed the hair from Lister’s hand. “What the smeg is this -?”
Lister sighed. “Rimmer,” he explained. “You’re a girl!”
Rimmer stood stock still for moment. Then she looked down at herself; screamed; and promptly fainted.
******
Gratitude 2
by Shanna Seanachai
This bit's for Kim Ashford, without who's nagging it never would have been finished, likely.
********
Rimmer came to a few moments later, groaning. Lister was standing over her, arms crossed. “Tell me this is some kind of a bad dream.”
Lister shook his head.
Holly fizzed onto the screen opposite them. He looked a bit nervous. “Now....Arn - Arnie...” he said. “Don’t be upset. But...there was a *slight* mistake.”
“Slight!” she hissed, jumping up. “Slight - you complete and total ass! How could you do this to me!”
“There was a bit of confusion. I believe that for a short time I must have been remembering the instructions for assembling Lister’s toaster instead o -”
“Oh my god....” Rimmer groaned. “I don’t believe this has happened to me!” she doubled over, her face in her hands.
“Isn’t there some way we could fix it, Hol?” Lister asked. “Like, couldn’t we redo the whole....transference thing?”
Holly’s face gave the appearance of a shrug. “Not unless Arn...ie...cares to die again.”
Rimmer sighed and walked dejectedly towards the door. “Just my luck. Just my smegging luck...”
Lister followed her, lighting up a cigarette as he went. “Look on the bright side of things, Rimmer. I mean, you’re alive again. Essentially, it worked. And really, it could have been worse.”
“And how is that?”
“Well...you could have come out some kind of a monster, couldn’t you? All green and slimey-like. Right?” He left the cigarette in his mouth and pulled a terrible face, demonstrating how ghastly Rimmer could have looked. Rimmer scrunched up her nose, a gesture which Lister had to admit was pretty cute. In fact all of her was cute. He didn’t want to think that, but he couldn’t really help it. Long curly red-brown hair, full, round lips, large, expressive eyes...he shook his head. “And then you could have been...” he added, trying to occupy his mind with other thoughts. “You could have been erased. Permanently. I think changed existence is a little better than non-existence, right?”
Rimmer opened her mouth, to agree or argue, he didn’t know, because just then the Cat appeared.
“Hey hey hey! The Cat is back, after a long snooze, and he’s ready to....” he paused, studying Rimmer. “Looks like a beautiful lady...” Rimmer flushed and frowned severly. The Cat smirked and continued. “...but smells and acts like old goal post head.” He laughed. Rimmer put her fists on her hips, scowled, and walked past him down the hallway.
“That was in very poor taste, Cat,” Lister said, smiling.
--
The next day Rimmer appeared in the drive room, dressed in a crisp green uniform that fit her amazingly well. Lister raised his eyebrow. “Broke into the female technicians’ sleeping quarters, huh?”
Rimmer flushed and looked away. She pushed hair away from her face irritably and pointed her finger at Holly. “We have *got* to find some way to fix this. There must be something, someway we can....”
Holly sighed. “I’ve told you, Rimmer...there is *no* way we can...” Suddenly his eyes widened. “Unless -”
Rimmer’s head snapped up. “Unless what?”
“Unless we can make a copy of your hologramatic disk, reprogram it, and after putting you in the Unit, try to reconfigure your atoms to fit the new code.”
“Really? You really know how to do that?”
Holly smiled. “No.”
Rimmer groaned, covering her eyes.
“Hold your horses. I said I didn’t know how to do it - I didn’t say I couldn’t learn how. Give me a few months, and who knows what might happen?”
“I’ll go smegging crazy, that’s what,” Rimmer muttered, and sighed, smoothing her shirt and staring straight ahead. She still got a bit dizzy everytime she looked down at herself.
“Well, you’re just gonna have to stick it out, Rimmer,” Lister said. He couldn’t help but wanting to laugh a bit. It was really quite funny, once the shock wore off.
--
“Do you know what today is, Rimmer?”
Rimmer, dressed in a white undershirt and pajama bottoms, laying on the bottom bunk, looking over a magazine whose cover she had carefully hidden behind the covers, blew her breath out noisily, disturbing stray hairs on her face. “I don’t know. What is it?”
Lister peered down at her from the top bunk. He felt kind of weird sharing a room with her, but she didn’t seem to notice anything odd about it. Or maybe she did, and just didn’t want to mention it.
He cleared his throat. “Well, it’s...well, it’s kind of like...”
“Spit it out, smeghead,” Rimmer said, turning a page.
“It’s kind of my birthday.”
Rimmer looked up. “ ‘Kind of’ ? How can it be ‘kind of’ your birthday?”
“Well, I was found, you know. In a cardboard box in a pub. So I don’t know my exact birthday. Should be right about his time, though.”
Rimmer leaned on one elbow and held her hand up to her face. “How old will you be?”
“Twenty-six.” He grinned. “Aren’t you going to get me a birthday present?”
Rimmer thought for a moment. “Your cigarettes are behind the solar panel on the 45th level. All of them. The ship’s entire stock. They’re yours. Happy birthday.”
Lister blinked. “Hey! Thanks, Rimmer. You’re not so bad, you know.” He grinned, and started to climb down.
“How kind of you,” Rimmer replied dryly, rubbing a piece of hair over her lips as her eyes tracked the print on the page before her. “I’m sure I will forever treasure that as one of my all-time favorite compliments.”
“You want to go for a drink?”
“Not particularly.”
“Aw, come on, Rimmer, it’s my birthday.” He leaned over her. “What are you reading, anyway? A new issue of Fascist Dictator Monthly?” He grabbed for the magazine jokingly. He wasn’t really going to try to take it. But Rimmer dived for it desperately, spurring him on, and he tugged it out from her arms and looked at the cover. His eyes almost boggled out.
“Women’s Day? Why are you reading Women’s Day???”
Rimmer tried to snatch it back, but Lister held it up out of her reach. One thing he found highly amusing about the whole fiasco was that Rimmer, who had always towered over him, was now almost a full foot shorter. “Come on, Rimmer. Why are you reading Women’s Day?”
“It’s none of your smegging business!” she said, blushing. “Now stop being ridiculous and hand it back!” She looked at him pleadingly, her face crimson. Lister felt a little guilty.
“Alright,” he acquiesced. “But *if*, and only if, you come down to the bar and have a drink with me to celebrate my birthday.”
Rimmer groaned. “All right. I’ll go. Now give me the damn thing.”
Lister smiled amiably, folded the magazine in half, and tucked inside his pants. “Not till we get to the bar. Come on, Rimmer.”
Rimmer made a sound of frustration and put on her robe. “Well, I’m only having *one* drink, got that, smeg-for-brains? One. Then I’ll leave you to get disgustingly drunk, as you wish.”
--
Several hours later, Lister stumbled up to the sleeping quarters, and, after mistaking the toilet for a chair, sat down at the table.
Rimmer was asleep, having had her one obligatory drink and receiving her magazine from Lister. He looked at her, curled up on the lower bunk, one hand grasping a large hank of hair, the other trailing off the bed. Her face was lax from sleep, but he found he liked it this way - there was no superiority, no arrogance, no tension. It was a wholly new expression on Rimmer’s face, and Lister found himself wishing he had seen it more often.
Just then, her face twitched, and she wriggled a little on the bed. She yawned and her eyes flickered open. “Mmmm...Lister?” She lifted her head up. “What time is it?” She blinked and then gave him a disgusted look. “God, you’re drunk, aren’t you?”
Lister propped his elbows on his knees. “So, Rimmer - you never told me why you had that magazine.”
Rimmer scowled. “Leave me alone, you smelly ape-faced git.” She rolled over, turning her back to him.
Lister got up and wandered over to her. “Come on, Rimmer. That magazine is filled with stuff like - “Lifestyle Options”. “Ask Dr. Dora”, and “How to Get a Hysterectomy”. What were you reading it for?”
Rimmer scrunched up, moving away from him. “Why do you think, you goidt?”
“I don’t know. It’s what I’m trying to find out.”
“Look.” She sat up. “The chances of Holly finding a way for me to get a male body are near nil. It’s probable that I may be stuck in this body forever. A lifetime being a girl! And,” she flushed, depleted. “and, well, you know...”
Lister stared at her. “You were trying to find out how to be a woman, huh?”
Rimmer looked away. “Kind of.”
He laughed. “Rimmer - I’m sorry, but that is just so you. You can’t find a manual about being female! Things just don’t get solved that way.” He sighed and put his head in his hands. “Anyway...smeg, I’m beginning to get a hangover already.”
Rimmer sighed and got up. “Alright, alright,” she said, and gestured to the sink. She turned the taps on and ran a towel under the water. “You know,” she said, putting the towel over his head, “I just don’t understand you. One minute you’re being a smeghead with about as much intelligence as a custard pie. The next you’re spouting philosophy as if you were Aristotle.”
“Maybe it’s the drink,” he muttered, as he absently stared at her from under the towel. He couldn’t help but notice...certain aspects of her anatomy. There were some definite curves under that shirt. And the way her pajama pants fit her hips - smeg.
Rimmer gave a little laugh. “Possibly,” she murmured. She moved away and he heard the water run again. A few seconds later she lifted the towel away from his face and handed him a glass of water and some sleeping pills. “From the way you look,” she observed as he swallowed, “sleeping it off is the only way out.”
She was too close. He could smell her, and it was a nice smell, that was for sure. Her leg kept touching his arm. She leaned forward and took the glass from his hand, and her hair brushed against his skin. It was driving him crazy - it had just been too long! He pulled the towel off of his head slowly and looked at her. She was remaking up the bed on the lower bunk. “You can sleep on my bunk. You’ll probably break your neck if you try to climb up to yours.”
“Where are you going to sleep?” he asked, standing closer to her.
“In your bunk, of course. I’ll probably choke on the fumes, but that’s a sacrifice I’m prepared to make -”
“Why?”
She turned to face him, and blinked when their noses almost bumped together. “I - well - because -”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“I - I don’t know,” she almost whimpered. She looked a bit nervous, like a cornered animal. She looked so vulnerable and beautiful and...
When he kissed her, he felt as though all the pressures that had been on his shoulders for so long were lifted. He blotted out everything else except for the feel of her against him. Amazing...
She pulled back, sputtering. Her eyes were blazing.
“Bastard!” she said. “You stupid smeghead...what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She started to pull away, but on instinct he grabbed her arm, keeping her close to him. Her vulnerability made him angry, now. “You wanted to know what it’s like to be a woman? Then I’ll show you.” He kissed her again, and she fought back furiously.He tried to be gentler; despite his anger; he didn’t want to hurt her. He softened his kiss and stroked her arm, trying to calm her. To his surprise, she stilled, exhaling into his mouth. Lister deepened the kiss, and suddenly, amazingly, she let out a low, hungry moan.
That was too much. He pushed her onto the mattress, letting go of her arms, and ran one palm up and down her torso. This was incredible! Was that her arm slipping around his back? Was that her kissing him back? Was this really, really happening?
It was all too surreal, and he separated himself from her, breathing heavily. Her eyes had a dazed, lost look in them, and she whispered, “Don’t stop.” One hand came up and stroked his face.
They kissed again, and then Lister began to slide his hand up his shirt, kissing her neck. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he felt dizzy for a moment. It was the sleeping pills kicking in, but he wanted this too badly. His hands went to the hem of her pajama bottoms and pulled them down with her underwear.
“Oh god,” Rimmer was repeating. “Oh, god.”
Lister was fighting to keep his eyes open, and also fighting not to ram into her right then and there. He put one hand down between her legs and touched her, and she cried out, her eyes shut tightly. Her hands came around to his front quickly and began to fumble with the zipper of his pants. Then they were open, and she was pushing through his boxers and holding him, yes, he had to. He removed his hand from between her legs, and she put both of her arms around him again, steadying herself. Then he slid into her.
“Ohh...my god!” Rimmer screamed, her eyes suddenly very wide and white. Her hair, her hair, it was strewn all over the place, and he shoved his face into it, smelling her, so sweet and hot and tight, and she was crying out with each thrust. He was losing his breath and losing his consciousness; it was like a dream, everything soft and fuzzy, except for the pleasure, which was beginning to overflow him, like water. Beneath him, he felt her stiffen, and give a soundless gasp; her back arched and she tightened on him, and he knew she had come. He was following her, swiftly; he could feel it coming up on him, like death, almost, and then there it was, obliterating him, and he was pushed so deep inside her he was sure he must have become a part of her somewhere along the line. Yes, that could be the only explanation. Her hand was stroking his back, her breath uneven, and he could feel sleep drawing him, as surely as orgasm had, and then he was out.
-end part 2-