Title: The Return

Author: Gypsy

Fandom: Red Dwarf

Pairing: Lister/Rimmer

Rating: PG

Status: New

Archive: WWOMB; anywhere else please ask.

E-mail : Gypsy_gray@msn.com

Series/Sequel: This is the first part of an untitled series.

Disclaimers: Not mine. Wish they were. Things would be more fun. Not making any money, just playing around.

Notes: I've never written a complete story in this fandom, just a couple of snippets. Please let me now what you think. I'm very nervous.

Summary: Rimmer comes back, Lister gets protective.

Warnings: Kochanski bashing. Spoilers for the entire series up to season 7. This fic was inspired by Lister's dream in the episode "Blue".



THE RETURN
By Gypsy

"Hello Listy."

Dave Lister sat straight up in bed. He'd just had another one of those dreams. After the first he'd kept them to himself, but he'd been having them ever since. He'd convinced himself that they were the product of missing both his friend and his sex life. His subconscious had just got the two confused. But now, here he was in his quarters with the real Rimmer. His subconscious may not be the only thing that was mixed up.

"Rimmer? What are you doin here?"

"Passing through. I'm on my way to check out a nebula that appeared on the other side of this sector of space. Thought I'd stop in and say howdy as I went."

The hologram was back to his usual blue suit and his own brown hair. He looked just the same as he always did. So Lister was having trouble figuring out why he couldn't take his eyes off the other man.

"You're not wearing the wig? Don't wanna be a blonde anymore?"

"I'll put it back on when I get there. The stupid thing itches like a pair of y-fronts full of biscuit crumbs."

Lister let himself laugh. It was the best laugh he'd had since Rimmer left. The hologram was the only person who ever said things like that. Hell; he was the only one who could make Lister laugh no matter how bad things were. If Rimmer had been in the ducts with them Lister would have been too busy trying to out snark him to get claustrophobic. He really missed the guy.

"I missed you too Listy."

"I said that bit out loud ey?"

"Fraid so. Well, aren't you going to take it back. Go on, tell me what a smarmy git I am and how happy you've been since you got rid of me."

"I've missed you Rimmer."

The hologram smiled. Not his usual smirk, just a smile. Crooked and happy, and the nicest thing Lister had seen in a really long time. They sat that way for awhile. Smiling at each other. Then Rimmer stripped down to boxers and an undershirt and climbed into his old bunk. Dave got back into his own bed and soon they were both asleep. It was the first night in weeks when there were no dreams.

Morning found them both in the galley drinking coffee and arguing over whether or not scrambled eggs needed hot sauce and jalapeno peppers to be edible. They were so involved with each other that they didn't notice the others arrival. Kat, Kryten, and Kochanski stared in stunned fascination as the two men teased and tormented each other with the insults and jibes they used only on each other.

"You raving gimboid! Don't you dare try making a curry out of my omelets. Keep your spices to yourself."

"Don't be a git Rimmer. How can you eat eggs without madras sauce? Hand it over Holoboy."

"Back off, you living pile of toxic waste. Those are my eggs. I cooked them and I'm eating them."

Kryten reacted first. He solved the egg debate by ushering them both out of the kitchen and promising to make some for everyone. The others settled down at the table and waited. Kat was the first to break the new silence.

"What are you doing here Goal-post head? I thought we got rid of you?"

"I'm just visiting you stupid prat. Why don't you go perm your nostril hairs."

"Hello Rimmer it's nice to see you. How's death?"

"Peachy. How's menstration?"

Lister nearly choked on his coffee he was laughing so hard. As it was, he'd managed to soak the table. Kochanski looked like she'd just been hit over the head with a pipe and Kat was trying desperately to save his coffee stained jacket.

"Dave? Are you just gonna let him talk to me like that? Well!?"

"Well what? One rude question to another. Seems fair to me."

"Well I'll tell you what's fair. I am the ranking officer on this ship and I order you to leave Rimmer. Clear out Gespacho Man."

"Why you..."

"Shut the hell up Kris. You may have rank on me, but if you talk to him like that again I'll send you back to your Dave in a waste disposal unit. If anyone needs to clear off it's you. Nasty little troll bitch from hell. With your superior attitude and your self righteous shite. Well bugger off slag! No one here wants to here it. Come on Rimmer let's get out of here. I'm not hungry anymore."

They made it back to Lister's quarters without interference from the others, and Rimmer stared as Lister paced back and forth. The shorter man stomped from one end of the room to the other, ranting and cursing as he went. The hologram had never seen the human this angry. Something was very wrong.

"Listy? You do realize that you just insulted a superior officer. Not just an officer, but Kristine Kochanski, the love of your life. She who was meant to breed sweater wearing dolphins."

"Shut up Rimmer."

"What's wrong Lister? David!"

That got Lister's attention. Rimmer had never called him that before...except in his dreams. Shaking his head in confusion, he lit a cigarette and laid down on his bunk. He wasn't surprised when the hologram sat beside him. Rimmer could be as patient as death and as pushy as Kat when it came to keeping Dave together. That was something he'd figured out about the taller man after he left. Rimmer took the task of keeping him sane seriously, and there wasn't much he wouldn't do for the sake of it. It made him miserable when he'd realized just how much the man had done for him, especially when he thought of some of the things he'd said and done to him over the years.

"I'm alright Rimmer. You didn't have to come all the way here to check up on me. Although, Kochanski's bitch enough to drive anyone barmy. I don't see how the hologram me stands her."

"She always was a bit overbearing. I never understood what you saw in her."

"Knew what it was once, not sure now. She's not the Kris I remember."

Rimmer rose from the bed and climbed into the one above. Silence filled the room for a long time. And when Rimmer finally spoke it was in a whisper.

"I found a new Ace. Another hologram me is already playing the part. I'm not leaving again."

"Why? Didn't you like being a hero?" Lister's voice was equally quiet, and he had to take deep breaths to calm his racing heart.

"Yes, but I didn't like being alone."

"Welcome home Rimmer."



END PART 1