Title: Top Bunk or Bottom

Author: Kaiburr

(kwanyin4@aol.com)

Timeline: Sometime during series 6v

Archive: Wherever stuff from this list (RedDwarfFic-subscribe@onelist.com) gets archived to, if you want it. Anyone else, just ask.

Category: SLASH, first-time, h/c

Pairing: Rimmer/Lister

Rating: PG

Summary: Rimmer and Lister re-evaluate their relationship.

Disclaimer: Grant Naylor owns Red Dwarf. I'm just a loyal fan who attends conventions, harasses her PBS station, and buys RD stuff. No money is being made, and no lemmings were harmed, by this story.

Feedback: This is the very first Red Dwarf story I have finished, let alone posted. Please be nice. I crave feedback the way Lister craves curry.

Flames will be cheerfully ignored.

BIG, FAT WARNING: This is SLASH. That means two guys (or girls) in a non-platonic relationship. If this isn't your thing, please use the delete key now. I won't take it personally, really.



TOP BUNK OR BOTTOM
By Kaiburr

Dave Lister sighed and tossed in his bunk. He thumped the pillow and rearranged the sheets, but it didn't help any. Sleep still refused to come within a several light year radius. He should, he knew, get up and go for a little midnight stroll. But that would mean climbing down from his upper-level bunk, and possibly catching a glimpse of Arnold J. Rimmer. And Lister was not about to do that. Not after what had happened that afternoon.

It had started out as yet another arguement, indistinguishable from the dozens he and Rimmer had daily. Stuck on a mining ship in deep space with anyone would be a trial, but with a complete smegpot like Arnie J, it was worse than going on holiday with Germans.

"No!" Rimmer had shouted.

"Look, all I'm askin' is..." Lister had continued in his most persuasive voice.

"And the answer is no."

"I just want to plug Krissie's disk into the AR machine!" I won't even switch you off."

"If I've told you once... No." Rimmer's nostrils flared in their familiar way, the way they always did when he thought he had the upper hand. And suddenly, right at that very moment, when David Lister was in the midst of an arguement over getting to see his old (albeit dead for three million years) girlfriend... he had the sudden desire to kiss Rimmer. To smeggin' *kiss* Rimmer! Alphabet head, smegpot, and all around git were some of Lister's fondest names for his companion. So why did he suddenly want a snog from those pursed lips?

Lister grimaced as he remembered. Maybe he'd been in deep space too long.

He couldn't tell Kryten, that was certain. Krytie would want to commit him. "You and Mr. Rimmer, oh sir... We'd best get you to the medical unit." He could tell Cat anything... since Cat would be too absorbed in himself to notice.

It would pass. He'd visit the AR machine... and it would pass. And Dave Lister swore he would never, *ever*, tell Rimmer what he'd been thinking. But he still couldn't get to sleep.

This *never* would have happened in the olden days. Back when he spent all his free time lusting after Kristine Kochanski, when they still had Red Dwarf and a crew of hundreds. But now everyone was dead but him, Earth was three million years away, his only companions were an android, an evolved cat, and the man sleeping beneath him was only a hologram of his bunkmate.

Rimmer had changed since his death. While Lister would never have admitted it, he did notice. Arnie was more caring, braver... the fact that they'd all survived this long must mean *something.*

Lister sighed and slammed the pillow onto his face. Smegging hell... he couldn't be falling in love with Rimmer. It had just been too long since he'd last had a good shag, that was all. Shag.... Rimmer....smeg, it was worse than he had thought.

He gave up on sleeping and decided to do what he always did when faced with unpleasantness. Lister was going to get blind drunk.

He stumbled out of his bunk and onto the cold floor. Turning toward the door, he made the mistake of glancing toward the lower bunk. Rimmer lay there, sleeping peacefully in his overstarched pajamas. Lister felt the oddest urge to run a hand through his close-cropped brown hair. He practically sprinted out the door toward the waiting cans of lager and oblivion.

*******************************

Rimmer jumped up and started his morning jumping jacks. "Listy, time to rejoin the human race! Or at least as close as you can get." Surprisingly, Lister's bunk was empty. Dave 'just give me another month or so' Lister had gotten up before him?

He shrugged and went about his jumping jacks.

Kryten rushed into the room, clucking like a mother hen. "Mr. Rimmer, it's Mr. Lister!"

"What's Listy done now, play his guitar?"

"He's gotten drunk again."

"Oh dear. He isn't tapdancing naked again, is he?"

Kryten shook his head. "No, it's... well, you'd better see for yourself."

Obediently, Rimmer marched after Kryten. They headed into the medi-unit, where Lister lay sprawled across one of the tables.

"I didn't think he could pass out. The man has curry and lager instead of blood." Rimmer looked him over carefully.

"I thought so as well, but somehow he managed to consume enough to put even him out."

"Won't he just sleep it off?"

Kryten checked a few readouts. "In a few days."

"A few days?" The thought of a few days without having to deal with Listy's chirpy, gerbil-faced optimism should have cheered him up. Instead, he found it oddly depressing. Without thinking, he reached out to pull all of Lister's braids off to the side and straighten the blanket.

Lister was, after all, the closest thing Rimmer had ever had to a friend.

Even in a coma, Dave's face had a cheerful look to it. Sometimes it amazed Rimmer that despite all they had been through, Lister could still always look on the bright side of a situation. He still hadn't lost his dreams. Rimmer envied him that.

Rimmer envied him a lot of things, though he never would have admitted it. Once you got past the bum exterior, Dave had values and a sense of honour. He also exuded a "trust me" sort of charm and sense of humour that always won him friends. And Dave Lister may have smelled like Indian takeout, but he was the sort that cried during "It's a Wonderful Life."

***************************

The next few days went by very slowly for Arnold J. Rimmer. Every time he looked around, he expected to see Lister. It wasn't the same without him in the pilot's seat, making jokes or showing off with a maneuver that left Rimmer's hair standing on end. Considering Rimmer's hair, this wasn't much of an accomplishment, but Listy had been the sort to fly through meteor storms on a lark or a dare from Cat. And Rimmer prayed that nothing would come up that required heroism, Dave was the group's fighter. And for some totally, totally unfathomable reason, he had trouble getting to sleep at night without Listy's comforting snore.

What on Io... was he really missing Dave? He should be enjoying these guitar-free days, he told himself.

Kryten came into the cockpit blubbering.

"Oh Mr. Rimmer... I'm not sure how much more of this I can take!"

"What are you smegging on about, Kryten?"

"The ship's just not the same without Mr. Lister. I don't have to cook his morning curry, or do his laundry...or any of the other little tasks that used to brighten my day."

"How is Listy doing, anyhow?" Rimmer tried to sound unconcerned.

"According to the readouts, he should be up by tomorrow."

"Thank God for that." Rimmer mumbled.

"What was that, sir?"

"Nothing, Krytie."

********************************

In the course of Rimmer's morning jog, he found himself at the door to the medi-bay. He jogged in, stopping in front of Lister's bed.

"Still sleeping, smeghead?" he asked a voice that was unusually loud and offensive, even for him. Quickly, he looked around and checked the readouts. No one around, and Lister still dead unconscious.

Quietly, he leaned down and added, "Hurry up and come out of this. Everything's different without you. Cat doesn't notice, but Kryten does, and I do."

Rimmer wasn't comfortable with guestures of affection, no one had ever given him any, not even his parents. So awkwardly, he patted Dave's hand. He wanted to... he didn't know. A manly hug, a punch in the shoulder... he wanted to touch Dave, to show the sort of comfort and support that he couldn't put into words. Instead, Rimmer contented himself with looking down at his friend, his hand over Lister's. And watching as Lister breathed in and out.

After what could have been minutes or hours, Lister's brown eyes opened. Rimmer reacted instantly, dropping his hand away from Lister's as though it were on fire, and switching his expression back to its usual smugness.

"Wha' day is it?" Lister asked tiredly.

"Thursday."

Lister considered that for a minute or two.

"What month?"

************************

The first thing Lister saw was Rimmer. And maybe it was just 'cause he'd been dead drunk for three days, but just for a second, Rimmer had looked... nice. Concerned. Then Lister had rubbed his eyes, and Rimmer had been back to his usual snide self. Dave started to get up, and almost fell off the bed. Rimmer caught him and helped him back onto it.

"I'm surprised any of your muscles still work."

"I'm not sure they do," Lister admitted honestly. "Haven't gotten drunk like this since the crew died. Well, if you don't count that time last month."

"You shouldn't do this sort of thing... it's not good for you."

"Since when do you care?"

Neither noticed that they were still touching.

"I...." Rimmer started to say that he'd missed Lister, than he was a friend, and that he cared for him. Instead, what came out was, "don't, really."

"Good to see nothin' changed while I was out." Lister remarked sarcastically.

"If anything, things were... better."

"Oh yeah?"

Rimmer nodded. "Much. No guitar playing, no eau de vindaloo...."

Even as they spoke the familiar insults, words so old they had a tone of easy banter about them, each moved imperceptably closer to the other. And because David Lister had been dreaming of this even in his drug induced stupor, and because Arnold Rimmer wanted to know that Dave was really back, and because of emotions neither was willing to acknowledge, their lips met, gently.

Lister discovered the the lips he was used to seeing as pursed and disapproving were in fact quite soft and appealing. He kissed harder, pulling Rimmer against him. Arnold's hair felt soft beneath his fingers. Lister decided that he should consider getting drunk more often. Anything to wake up to this.

***********************

Rimmer discovered that Dave's mouth tasted faintly spicy, and decided that Indian food wasn't so bad after all. Was he really kissing Lister? He should have been appalled... disgusted. Instead he just enjoyed the feel of Dave's lips against his own, and Dave's arms around him.

*****************************

Kryten bustled into the room carrying a tray meant for Lister's long delayed breakfast. "Good to see you up again, Mr. Lis....." The tray clanged to the floor.

Kryten couldn't believe his optical circuts. Mr. Lister and Mr. Rimmer.... kissing? Mr. Lister's tongue firmly planted in the mouth of the man even Kryten referred to as a smmeee heee? At the sound of the tray hitting the floor, both had broken off the embrace, and gone straight into blush mode.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting... anything." Kryten said, engaging his lie mode. Mr. Rimmer and Mr. Lister both shook their heads vigourously. Then Mr. Rimmer dashed from the room. Lister stood up to follow him.

"Rimmer, wait!"

Kryten moved to block the door. "Mr. David sir, you're not well enough yet to run around. You haven't even had your breakfast."

Dave sighed and sat down again.

Kryten smiled as he served breakfast. He knew that Mr. Lister deserved better than Mr. Rimmer, and it was up to him to see that things stayed as they were.

*******************************

Arnold Rimmer sighed and tossed in his bunk. This past month ranked right up there with the gazpacho soup incident for sheer misery. First Listy's stay in the medical unit, and now this. He and Lister hadn't said two words to each other since the 'incident' in the medi-bay.

Kryten had insisted that 'Mr. Lister' stay in the medi-bay far longer than was necessary, and had been guarding him like a mother hen. It had been a bit of a relief, not having to talk to Dave after what had happened. But the relief had swiftly turned to annoyance, and then frustration. He didn't know what exactly he wanted to say to Dave, only that he smegging well wanted a chance to say it! Sod Kryten, Rimmer thought as he climbed out of bed. He was going to go see Listy.

Just then, Dave Lister came into the room.

"Lister?" Rimmer stood, shocked.

Lister shut and locked the door behind him before turning to look at Rimmer.

"How did you get around Florence Nightendroid?"

Lister grinned, the lopsided grin of a perennial optimist. "I detached his head. He was drivin' me nuts."

Once they had gotten past this formality, both seemed to remember the last time they had been together. Rimmer sat down on the bed, and Lister leaned against the wall. Neither knew what to say.

Rimmer spoke first, seeking refuge in a topic just on the edge of what he really wanted to discuss. "So why is he acting like this?"

Lister shrugged. "Might have somethin' to do with him findin' us.... you know."

Rimmer nodded. The mention of it had brought the memory of that kiss back to him. He'd enjoyed it more than any kiss he'd ever had... not that he'd had all that many. He looked down, then back up at Dave. The look on his companion's face told Arnold that he wasn't the only one remembering.

"We kissed, didn't we?" Lister asked gently, seeking confirmation.

"We did."

Lister's nervousness made his Scouse accent even more pronounced. "Well now tha' Krytie's gone... d'you fancy doin' it again?"

Rimmer's eyes widened. "You're asking me to kiss you?"

"Well.... yeah. Sort of."

Rimmer laughed. It started as a low chuckle, then developed quickly into a full-blown belly laugh. "Are you mad?" He grinned at Dave. "I didn't think you'd ever ask."

Quickly they closed the distance separating them and embraced energetically.

"I missed you." Rimmer whispered, before covering Lister's mouth with his own.

*************************

Afterward, they laid in each others arms, enjoying the warmth.

"What happens now?" Arnold whispered.

Dave traced the lines of his lover's face with his fingertips. "I'll talk to Kryten. We're together, and there's nothin' he can do to change tha'."

Soon after, they drifted off to sleep together.

**************************

The next morning, Lister awoke bright and early and headed over to the medi-bay. It only took a minute or so to screw Kryten's head back in, and reboot the system.

"I'm sorry I had to do tha', Krytie, but you were keeping me prisoner in here."

"But Mr. Lister, I was only doing what was best for you."

"Why'd you do it?"

"I saw you and Mr. Rimmer... and I had to do something! Mr. Rimmer isn't good enough for you, and I thought..." The look on Lister's face was enough to silence Kryten. "Oh dear."

"Kryten, I spent the night with Rimmer. *With* Rimmer."

Kryten went into shock mode. "You and he... Mr. David, how could you? And with such a smeee heeeee."

Lister leaped to his defense. "He may seem like a smeghead, but if you get past that he's very sweet." Quietly, he added "And I'm in love with him." It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud. "So you'll just have to get used to it." he finished.

"Are you sure you're happy with him?"

Lister answered honestly. "Happier than I've ever been." He turned and walked out of the medi-bay, leaving Kryten to adjust to the news... and ran into Rimmer.

"Were you listenin'?

Rimmer smiled. "Sort of."

"Then you heard all that?"

Arnold's smile was unfamiliar because it was genuine. "I love you too, Dave."

They kissed passionately, oblivious to the mechanoid sobbing in the next room.

Lister grinned. "And to think, we only took three million years."

"We got it right in the end."

"Which means there's only one thing left to decide." Lister's grin widened until it engulfed his entire face.

"What's that?" Rimmer asked, puzzled.

"Top bunk or bottom?"



The End