Title: Confessions of Salt and Sand

Author: JaimeBlue

Fandom: seaQuest (duh!)

Archive: Yes

Pairing: Tim/Nathan

Series: #4 - "The Secret Confessions of Tim O'Neill"

Disclaimer: The seaQuest and it's crew don't belong to me. Father Duncan, however, is all mine.

Summary: While giving guidance to a man in need of advice, Father Duncan has another memory of Tim O'Neill.

Note: *** starts and finishes the story, ***** divides ‘past' Father Duncan from ‘present' Father Duncan, and ########## starts and finishes Tim's story.


TO THEE I CONFESS MY SINS 4: CONFESSIONS OF SALT AND SAND
By JaimeBlue
***

Father Duncan knelt in the dirt, patting the soil around the roots of a rose bush he'd just planted in the front yard of St. Agnes' Church. Brushing the dirt off his hands, he knelt closer to the single yellow bloom on the bush and sniffed. Ah, he thought, this is truly one of God's greatest gifts.

Taking a deep breath, he started the slow rise to his feet, his joints not as flexible as they once had been.

"Here, Father, let me help you."

The priest looked up at the man, who himself couldn't have been much younger than Father Duncan, and took the proffered arm with a welcoming smile.

"Thank you, my son. What the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, and I fear I may never see my knees again."

The other man laughed as he helped Father Duncan into an upright position. "There you are. Will you be all right?"

"Of course, child. I may be older, but I'm not crippled. The Lord hath put me in your path for a reason."

"That I do not doubt, Father."

Father Duncan looked at the man with new eyes, seeing the tiredness and sadness that surrounded him. "My son, is there anything you would like to discuss with an old crippled priest?"

Both men smiled. "Perhaps there is, Father."

"Then, my child, if you do not mind, could we move over to the steps so that I may sit for a few moments?"

"Oh, of course." The man walked over to the church steps with the priest, not speaking until they had both settled onto the cool cement. "I'm not quite sure why I came here, Father. An old friend of mine used to come here often, and I guessed that if he could find solace here, perhaps I could as well."

"The Lord has a cure for whatever ails you, if only you take a moment to listen."

"Perhaps. I guess I should start by introducing myself..."

"If you wish."

"My name's Nathan Bridger. I'm, well, have you heard much about the whole incident with the seaQuest?" The priest nodded. "Of course you have. Well, I was its captain. A reluctant captain, but its captain nevertheless. I loved that ship. I loved her crew as well. Leaving them both was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I'm afraid it's all been for nothing. You see, Father, I heard that my son, who I thought had been killed, was in fact alive, and I've been searching for him. But so far, I haven't found anything. I'm afraid there may not be anyone to find anymore, that I'm too late..."

Father Duncan listened as the man told his tale. He'd known who the man was from the moment he'd first seen the bearded face. Tim had often spoken of the man with great respect and affection. The two men had had a very good relationship, based in part on their mutual concerns for a young boy and a dolphin. The closeness between the two men had the potential of becoming much more, in fact, one night it had. However, they had both kept the different parts of their lives separate, and in both cases, put duty above all else...

*****

Father Duncan took a break from his sweeping to listen to the angelic strains from the balcony above.

"Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come
Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home."

He continued his sweeping, listening to the members of the choir as they broke apart and descended from the balcony. Hearing approaching footsteps, he looked up to the face that had become a regular fixture at St. Agnes' for over a year.

"Hello, Tim. You sang beautifully today."

"Thank you, Father. I still get out of tune every now and then, but I don't think anyone else has noticed, so I'm safe."

The two men smiled at each other until Tim moved off to one corner, fetching the extra broom that was leaning against the wall, and started sweeping alongside Father Duncan.

"So, my son, how's the rebuilding coming along?"

"Oh, it's going all right. I've never actually been this involved in building a submarine before, so it's been a real learning experience. And it has been nice spending some time with Lucas and Na- Captain Bridger." Tim paused his sweeping a moment, smiling wistfully.

"You've become close to them, haven't you, my son."

"Yes, Father. And it's funny, but I'm getting into the habit of having to remind myself that Nathan's my superior officer," Tim said, not bothering to stop using his friend's given name. "It's just... I..."

"What is it, my son?"

"I find myself wanting something I cannot have."

Father Duncan nodded sympathetically. "Most of us have found ourselves in that particular situation. If you do not mind my asking, my child, what is it you want, and why can you not have it?"

"What I want... what I want is to take a chance, to explore these feelings I have for somebody close to me, to find out if there is room in my life for the possibility of love. I cannot have it because of who he is, and who I am."

"Which one, my son?"

Tim's eyes met Father Duncan's. "You know me too well, Father. To some degree, both. But while the feelings for the one I can set aside, I can no longer do so with the other. You see, I know now what I'll be missing." Tim looked down at the floor, missing the sympathetic look from the priest. "I told you they've been inviting me over for dinner almost every night after working on the seaQuest. Well, the last time turned out a little different than usual..."

##########

"When should we be getting that shipment of cables?"

"Another week or so. Sorry."

"Isn't there any way to speed it up?"

"Take it easy on him. He doesn't exactly have Mr. Krieg's contacts."

"But I thought he could speak any language?"

"I seem to be lacking in the language of money, Lucas."

The three males grinned around the forks they continually moved back and forth from their mouths to the plates on the table. Lucas raised his arm to peek at the chronometer on his wrist, then dropped his fork onto his plate. He quickly rose, carrying his plate to the kitchen and all but tossing it into the sink, then went to grab his coat off the rack.

"Lucas, where are you going?" Bridger asked.

"I've got to meet some of the guys in town. I might be out a little late, so don't wait up for me."

The teenager left, leaving two stunned adults in his wake.

"Who are these ‘guys' he's talking about?" Tim asked, perplexed.

"Some kids he met up with a couple of weeks ago," Nathan answered, brushing a hand over the light bristles on his chin. "I'll tell you right away I don't like them, not at all, but the more I object, the more he takes off to go with them. I feel better with him at least telling me where he's going than having him take off in the middle of the night for who knows where. I figure if I'm cool about it long enough, he'll figure out for himself why I'm not too fond of them."

"I just hope that isn't too late," Tim sighed.

"So do I."

The men grinned wearily over their plates, no longer hungry for the little food that remained. They both rose and carried their plates to the sink in the kitchen. Tim automatically rolled up the sleeves on his plaid shirt and started running the water. He was stopped by Nathan's hand on his arm.

"I thought I told you enough times, Tim. As long as you're a guest in my home, I won't have you doing anything. Lucas will take care of it when he gets back."

"But, Sir, it's the least I can do to repay..."

"Hold it right there. First of all, I've already told you there are no Sirs in this house. It's Nathan, or Bridger if that's more comfortable for you. And second, you repay us enough with your presence at our table — and your ability to talk to Lucas about all the work he's doing. Even I get lost with him every now and then. He's lucky to have you around, you know that."

"You too S- Nathan."

Nathan smiled and clapped his hand on Tim's shoulder. "Now that that's settled, why don't we go for a swim? The beach is beautiful at this time of the year, though we probably won't see much of it this late in the evening."

"But S-Nathan, aren't we supposed to wait an hour first? After all, we just ate."

"That's just an old wives' tale. And anyway, on my beach, I just happen to have the best lifeguard I could ever hope for."

Tim's eyebrows rose up. "Darwin?"

"Umm hmm. And he's missed you. You usually don't stay long enough for our night-time swims."

"Well," Tim resigned, "I guess we could, just this once. But I don't have anything to wear."

"I'm sure a pair of Lucas' trunks will fit well enough. He won't mind."

Nathan led Tim to Lucas' room, showed him where to find some swimming trunks, then left to change in his room. The two men met up in the living room, Nathan passing Tim a large towel before leading the way out to the beach.

As they approached the water's edge, they heard an all-too-familiar chittering coming from among the waves. Tim's feet immediately sped up, pausing only so he could throw off his t-shirt and take off his glasses before wading into the cool salt water. His steps grew slower as the waves began lapping against his hip, his initial excitement dimmed by the disturbing sensation of navigating the waves without his glasses. He was filled with relief as he felt a hand on his elbow, leading him out into the water.

"Umm, thanks."

"That's what I'm here for."

Tim could feel a disturbance in the water immediately before him and smiled. A rubbery nose poked into his stomach and he immediately reached out to greet his old friend.

"Hey, Darwin. How do you like your vacation?" The dolphin's chittering was his only response, but Tim felt a slight tingling at the back of his mind. It was a very pleasant sensation, something like happiness felt from a distance. "Yeah, me too."

"You know," the voice to his side spoke, "if I didn't know better, I'd think the two of you talked about me behind my back."

"Who, us?" Tim exclaimed with mock sincerity. "Never."

Tim sensed a hesitation in Nathan just before the man spoke. "I think the waves are starting to get a little choppier, and it's nearly pitch black. I think we should head back."

"Yeah, you're right." He patted the dolphin one more time. "It was nice seeing you, Darwin. Take care of yourself out there." The animal clicked once before heading off beneath the water. Tim allowed himself to be turned around.

"Okay, Tim, we're facing the shore. What do you say we race for the it?"

"Well, I don't know. It's pretty dark and... Hey, why is Darwin coming back?"

As Tim felt Nathan turn to see if the mammal was returning, he dove into the water before him and headed for what looked like the shore. Moments later, he thought he heard the word ‘cheater' before hearing a large splash following him. He knew he'd swum in the right direction when he felt the gentle sandy slope beneath his chest. He unsteadily got up onto his legs and walked up the beach, only to turn, close his eyes, and land on his back, sand flying on impact as his body recovered from its exertions.

His eyes opened as he felt droplets of water falling on him from above, just in time to see Nathan flop down onto the beach right next to him. Both men rested for several moments, staring up at the clear and starry sky as they caught their breath.

"I thought Catholics didn't cheat?"

"That's an old wives' tale." Tim grinned at being able to throw the words back at their owner. "There are a lot of things those old wives say we Catholics shouldn't do, but we do them anyway."

"Oh? What kind of things?"

Tim was glad the night was already dark, lest Nathan see the blush on his cheeks. "The kind of things only old priests know about."

"Old priests? Why them?"

"They're the ones we confess to."

"Oh. And what kind of things have you had to confess to?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Tim mumbled. "Nothing much," he lied.

They continued in silence, gazing at the stars above. All of a sudden, Tim felt Nathan's hand resting gently against his. His breath caught in his chest as he became aware of a not-altogether- unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a shooting star and followed it with his eyes until it disappeared.

"Make a wish," Nathan spoke softly.

Tim turned his head slowly so that he was facing Nathan. Even with his blurred vision, he could still see the man's face clearly at this close distance. "I don't need to. I've got almost everything I need right here."

"Almost?"

"Well, I will when the seaQuest is done."

"Ah."

Their faces remained turned toward each other, but Tim felt the hand next to his own shift so that it lay face-down over his open palm, their fingers automatically intertwining. As their palms touched, a slight tingle traveled up Tim's arm, causing him to gasp.

"Tim, I..."

"No." Tim shook his head. "You don't have to say a word."

Nathan nodded. He lifted a sandy hand, the one that wasn't holding Tim's, and raised it to the younger man's cheek. Tim leaned up into the touch, oblivious to the grainy texture of the sand, and closed his eyes as he felt the fingers trace along his jaw, only to rest a single finger on his thin lips. He felt movement at his side, and the finger on his lips was soon replaced by the feel of warm breath on his skin.

Tim's eyes opened to meet Nathan's, barely aware of the shortening distance between their faces before their lips finally met. Tim felt electrified as the initially hesitant kiss turned ravenous within seconds, both men reaching out desperately to take hold of the other. Their hands gripped onto each other's bare backs as they attempted to devour one another. Through his lusty haze, Tim became aware of the heat in his groin as he felt a strong thigh part his legs, pressing into his rapidly hardening cock. He gasped for air, giving them both a reason to break apart, if only for a moment.

"Of all the places for this kind of thing," Nathan gasped, "this is probably one of the worst."

Tim simply nodded, thankful one of them was able to think at all. He could barely believe his reaction to this man and he definitely did not want to think about that. He debated the pros and cons of changing location. On the one hand, if they moved there would not be no sand to ruin the mood. On the other hand, Tim would have to go for several moments without Nathan's furred chest pressed against him and the feeling of that thigh between his legs.

The decision was made for him as Nathan rose from the sand, reaching out a hand to lift a reluctant Tim to a standing position. The strong arms encircled Tim once more as their heated mouths sought each other out for one more kiss before Nathan pulled back and all but dragged Tim back to the house.

Tim allowed himself to be led through the bungalow until Nathan stopped to open the bathroom door. Once the door had closed behind them, they fell together once again, trying to taste as much of the other as possible as Nathan maneuvered them over to the bathtub. Somewhere in the whirl of hands and feet, both men had lost their swimwear, their naked bodies pressing against each other in desperation.

Tim almost jumped as he felt the first spray of water hit his back. He felt himself pushed back until the water flowed over him, Nathan's hands tilting his head back and helping the water to take away all traces of salt and sand. He shivered as Nathan's tongue traced droplets of water running down his long neck, grasping onto the man's hips to keep himself from collapsing onto the hard porcelain and forcing their groins together with the movement.

"Oh God, Tim," the voice moaned against his throat, "I need you so much."

Tim's stomach fluttered at the words and he felt a rush of energy, steadying him and giving him the nerve to maneuver Nathan up against the wall of the bathtub. He blindly reached out for the shower head, which he removed from its bracket and used to wash away what remained of the salt and sand on Nathan's body. Every inch he cleaned was then kissed, licked, and nibbled with equal attention until the older man was panting.

Tim crouched, finally having reached his prize. His blurred eyes took in the straining cock, briefly amazed that it stood for him but didn't stop to think about it. Moving the water along the strong thighs, Tim reached out his tongue to stroke the underside of the cock before him. He reveled in Nathan's gasp at the contact and continued, not letting an inch of the organ go without his tongue's attention. As Tim lapped at the pearly drops at the slit, a pair of hands grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him up against the wet body, causing him to drop the shower head.

"What are you doing to me," the husky voice asked rhetorically.

"Only what you're doing to me," Tim managed to answer before his lips were swallowed up into another kiss. He moaned as he felt a hand wrap itself around his own painfully stiff cock.

"I don't think I can wait any longer, Tim," Nathan said against Tim's ear once their lips had finally broken apart. "I want you, need you so much, but I..."

"Then take me. I've been yours since the moment you kissed me." Tim felt he would burst as gentle hands stroked along his sides.

"I... we... I need... something..."

Tim had never been happier at his Captain's inability to form a coherent sentence. He pulled back a moment to let Nathan move away from the wall to search for ‘something,' but remained facing the wall, resting his arms on it at eye level. He heard a small cry of victory before feeling Nathan's heat at his back. He arched as a hand stroked from his neck down his spine, finally resting on and kneading his ass. He felt the sting of whiskers grazing against his cheek as Nathan pressed himself full-length against Tim, seeking the younger man's mouth with his own.

As their tongues entwined, Tim felt a slippery finger enter him. He breathed deeply into Nathan's mouth as he adjusted to the sensation, pushing back when the initial discomfort faded into pleasure. Soon a second, then a third finger entered him, stretching him until he was bucking and on the verge of begging Nathan to take him.

To Tim's relief, the digits were removed and replaced by the head of Nathan's cock. It slowly pushed into him, pausing as he gasped against the pain and continuing only when he nodded. Finally, he could feel Nathan completely inside him, and both men groaned.

"Tim," Nathan gasped, "so hot, so tight."

After a few moments, Tim relaxed as the fullness inside him brought him more pleasure than pain. He gently pushed back against Nathan. "I need you," he whispered into the mouth next to his.

In response, Nathan rocked gently against Tim, over time lengthening and quickening his strokes. Before long, both men were writhing against each other, Nathan lost in Tim's tightness, and Tim jolted with every brush against that spot inside him. When Nathan reached around to take Tim's cock in his hand, it was Tim's undoing. The touch of Nathan's hand was all it took for Tim to cry out as he came. His body pulsed around Nathan's cock, milking it until he too came.

Neither man moved other than to lean more heavily against the wall and each other, basking in the lingering heat from one another. They might have remained there for the rest of the night had they not been jolted by the ice cold spray against their feet. Nathan reluctantly pulled out and away from Tim, shutting off the water and reaching to a nearby rack for a towel. He ran the material up and down Tim's body, eventually relinquishing it so Tim could dry him off.

Nathan took Tim's hand in his own and lazily led him to the master bedroom. Tim was the first to fall bonelessly into the bed, followed only seconds later by Nathan who then wrapped himself around the lithe figure.

"That was..." Tim marveled.

"It was," Nathan agreed.

"And we can never do this again, can we."

"Let's not talk about that right now..."

"I'm sorry, it's just..."

"I know. But at this moment, we're Tim and Nathan. No titles, no ranks..."

"No nosy Admirals and teenagers?"

Tim felt a gentle laugh against his neck. "Exactly. If we start dwelling on tomorrow, we might start feeling sorry this happened."

"Are you? Sorry I mean."

"I could never be sorry this happened, Tim. Never. Not even when I go back to being your Captain and you go back to being my commtech, and especially not when I remember that we had this for one night, which is more than some people get." Nathan sighed, his arms tightening around Tim. "Are you?"

"No. Though I don't think I've ever hated that fraternization rule more than I do now."

"Just remember," Nathan said between kisses to Tim's shoulder, "the Captain and the Lieutenant will have to have a professional relationship, but Nathan and Tim, now they are granted the luxury of enjoying each other for a few more hours..."

##########

"We spent the whole night in each others' arms. I avoided looking at the clock at all costs, knowing the sooner it was morning, the sooner it would all end."

"He was right you know, Tim. There are many people in this world who have never known in their entire lifetimes what you knew for one night. Was everything all right between the two of you in the morning?"

"Oh, yeah. We'd talked about it a little bit, which helped. We're fine with each other, though I wish I could say the same about my relationship with someone else."

"What happened, my son?"

"I feel so guilty, Father. Usually I try to be kind and considerate of everybody, but that night I was so blinded by my feelings." Tim took a deep breath before continuing. "I woke up after only a couple of hours asleep and decided to let Nathan get some rest. I borrowed one of his robes and went to the bathroom. The whole time I was in there, I didn't notice that our swimming trunks and the towel we'd used had disappeared. I got out and headed for the kitchen, and was surprised to find there was some coffee already made. I poured myself a cup and walked into the living room, only to find my clothes from the day before folded and piled on the arm of the couch, topped by the t-shirt and glasses I'd left on the beach the night before. I finished my drink, then took the pile to the bathroom so I could get dressed. I came out and went to stand by the large window that overlooked the beach, and that's when I saw him."

"Lucas."

"Yes. He was sitting in the sand in his shorts and a loose shirt, and even though his back was turned to me, I could tell he was really upset. That's when it hit me that it was him who had gathered my clothes. Even if he weren't a genius, he would have been able to figure out what had happened."

"I'm sorry, my son."

Tim shrugged resignedly. "It's okay, I guess. It could be worse. He still talks to me, tries to act like he knows nothing. I even think he's convinced Nathan that he has no clue. However, each time I catch a glimpse of his eyes, he looks so sad..."

"It's still early, Tim. He needs time to adjust to what's happened."

Tim nodded. "I guess. I just hate knowing that somehow I'm the cause of that sad look in his eyes. He looks like he's just lost his best friend, and for all I know, he has."

Father Duncan placed a sympathetic hand at Tim's back. "Lesser friendships have survived worse hardships, my son."

That comment brought a small smile to the commtech's lips. "I hope so, Father." He looked at the chronometer on his wrist and sighed. "I've got to go, Father. I promised I'd treat Katie to dinner the next time the Clinton docked nearby."

"All right, my son. Go and enjoy yourself."

Tim placed his broom where he had fetched it and started down the aisle for the church's entrance.

"And Tim!"

"Yes Father?" he asked, turning around.

"Say three Hail Marys before you go to bed tonight."

"I will," Tim replied, grinning as he made his way out of the church.

*****

Father Duncan nodded as he listened to the last strains of Nathan Bridger's story.

"You must not give up hope, Nathan. The moment you give up hope is the moment you truly lose your son."

"I know, Father. It's just so hard — life can be so hard." Nathan breathed deeply, unsuccessfully trying to get his emotions under control. "Why are we faced with such difficult choices, Father?"

"Because if we choose wisely, then the rewards more than make up for any hardship caused by the decision."

"Then I don't think I've chosen wisely, or else I wouldn't be spending half my time worrying about people other than Robert."

"There is nothing wrong with worrying about those you care about. That is not the sign of a bad decision."

"It's just, we were thrown into this world and this war, and most of them stayed to fight an unknown enemy. I'm afraid... I'm afraid Lucas is going to become so hard because of this. He was always so protective, always on the defensive, but I know he's just going to get worse. And then there's Tim — he just doesn't belong here."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, Father, you probably know him as well as I do. He's kind and gentle, and definitely the last person who should be stuck in this damned war."

"Perhaps someone like Tim is necessary if we are to ever end this war."

Nathan looked up at the priest with raised eyebrows. "I never thought of that. I just hope he breaks this war before it breaks him." Nathan rose from the steps, brushing the dirt off his pants. "Thank you for listening, Father."

"I am here to help. I wish you luck in the search for your son."

"Thank you."

The two men shook hands then nodded in parting. Father Duncan watched from the steps as Nathan Bridger made his way down the street. The priest knew he was in for a long bout of worrying himself. He desperately hoped he heard from his friend soon. From the former Captain's words, it appeared Tim may be more in need of guidance than he'd ever been before.



***
END