Title: Under My Skin

Author: JaimeBlue

Archive: Yes, if you'll have it.

Fandom: seaQuest

Pairing: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, yadda yadda yadda

Summary: Thoughts of an unrequited love.

WARNING: This story contains a major squick. If you have any kind of major squick and have no tolerance for anything slightly squicky, than this story may not be the best for you. There is ABSOLUTELY NO SEX involved, just affectionate and slashy feelings.



UNDER MY SKIN
By JaimeBlue
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I relish in the feel of the salt water against my skin, the feeling as second nature to me as breathing. I need this. It reminds me of who I am, of where I came from. It's so easy to forget sometimes...

I heave a mental sigh, the heaviness in my heart pushing away any comfort the water could bring me. I know I'll have to go back. I can't stay away from my family, even if it means having to go on as if my entire world had not collapsed on top of me.

Why did this have to happen? This love, this affection for them all, and especially him... Why could I not live my life alone, or at least with my own kind?

Because I'm not quite like my own kind. And that is why I will forever be alone in the truest sense of the word. I may live among others, of my kind or of theirs, and yet I will be different from them all.

But for a short time, that had changed. I felt him, and he felt me. I know I touched him in a way that no one else ever could. The pain was just so great, and even though we didn't yet know each other well, I knew he could help. And he did. He confronted one of his greatest fears just to help me, and I will forever be grateful. Since that day, he has had my gratitude, my respect, and yes, my love.

How I would ache to see him more than I did, just to catch a glimpse of those brown eyes so full of kindness, the windows to a spirit I longed to touch again. But it was not possible. He had his world, and I unfortunately had mine, and the two met so rarely. I still shiver when I remember the few times he'd run his hand along my back in either comfort or greeting.

I take a sharp turn in the water. I should stop this, stop thinking about him, about his fingers against my skin, about his spirit... It's so hard! It's impossible! This torch I carry is burning so strong that it can't even be put out by the salt water running against my skin.

I shouldn't be angry with him. Why should I begrudge him the love of another when I couldn't even tell him how I really felt? Oh, but to find out that way, passing by their room and spying those two writhing bodies on the bunk...

I take another turn. I have no right to be upset. We were... are good friends. Even if I had told him how I felt, he never could return my affection. Our two worlds could never meet in that way and deep down I know that. I just don't want to believe it. Believing it would mean giving up on this dream of he and I.

But I have to give it up anyway, don't I? He's found in his best friend all that I wanted to give. They make each other happy, and I know I want him to be happy. I just wish it could be with me.

Oh Tim, how I wish you could spend just one day in my world, one day where our differences would melt away and I would have the courage to love you as you deserve to be loved.

But that is ridiculous. It will never happen, and to even let myself think that it could is a fantasy. One I hold dear, but a fantasy nevertheless.

I'll go on. Every day I see you I will act as if nothing had ever been different. Even worse, when you come to me for advice, which I know you will, I'll help you as much as I can.

You see, this love for you will never die, even if it is unrequited. I will love you in the only way left to me, by helping you in your love for another.

I just hope Miguel takes good care of you, though he could never be as good to you as I could have been.

I should go home. Nathan and Lucas will worry if I'm gone too long.

I'll just have to accept it. There is no love left in this world for a dolphin like me.



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JB