Name: Truth Or Dare

Author: Sara

Rating: PG, mainly for language

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Summary: The Major Crimes gang play Truth or Dare. Blair and Jim win.

Disclaimer: This is an Appropriate Disclaimer. I wish I could claim these guys, but I can't. So I've just borrowed them. I'll give them back when I'm done, honest.

Notes: Part of the Sentinel & Guide Fuh-Q-Fest.

Beta: Singer and jm kept me in line, as always. Thanks, babes!

Truth Or Dare

by Sara

The party was winding down. The Cascade Police Department had hosted a New Year's Eve party for the children of several of the city's shelters for homeless and abused children, providing a safe and festive environment for the kids. Every department had sent some of it's members to the party, but Major Crimes was most well represented.

The only kids left at the party were the older teens from Ruth's House, a halfway house for runaways. Jim Ellison looked over at the group in the corner of the Major Crimes bullpen. A group of detectives and teens sat together on the floor laughing and whooping. He turned his hearing away from his conversation with his captain, Simon Banks, and focused on the group. One of the teens, a dark-haired boy named Drew, said, "Okay, Inspector Conner, I want to know what was the worst experience you've ever had…" giggles started from the other kids around the circle, then he continued, "…with an animal." Whoops and giggles erupted while Megan blushed a bright shade of pink.

"Truth or dare, eh?" she asked. "What if I opt for the dare?"

The kids looked around the room. "I don't know if we can really go daring cops to do anything," a girl named T'shana said, "so we're better off going for just the truth. You can't choose the dare."

Megan sighed theatrically. "Well, I was attacked by a wallaby once."

Blair Sandburg laughed. "A wallaby? What did you do to it?" When some of the teens looked confused, he explained for them, "A wallaby is like a small kangaroo. About so high." He indicated a height of about 3 feet. This was greeted with ‘Oh’s’ and nods.

"So what happened with the wallaby, Inspector?" Drew asked, pressing for details.

"I don't know what I did to the dam…er, darned animal. It was at a wild animal park in Sydney. I was just walking along with the tour and suddenly the wicked little beast leapt at me. It kicked me hard with its hind legs, knocking me into the bloke behind me. I fell. He fell. He and I landed all tangled up together with my hand on his...er, anyway, it had his fiancée glaring daggers at me for the rest of the tour. The wallaby hopped on my stomach, hard, ripping my best blouse, and then bounced away and set to nibbling on the grass, innocent as the day it was born."

Everyone laughed, especially Megan's two other co-workers in the circle, Rafe and Brown. Laughing herself, Conner turned to one of the girls and asked about the first person she ever kissed. At that Jim turned his attention back to Simon, who had noticed it wandering.

"What are the kids doing over there?" Simon asked, including four of his detectives in the category of ‘kids.’

Jim smiled a little. "Apparently they're playing Truth or Dare. The teens have decided, though, that they couldn't bring themselves to make a dare to a cop, so all the questions have to be answered."

"Ah. Well, I know Conner, Rafe and Brown started drinking when the youngest kids were taken home. Let's hope they maintain their decorum." Simon tried to look gruff, but the smile playing around his lips wrecked the effect.

Jim leaned against the wall, watching the group in the corner with some interest. Marly was just finishing her story about a ‘heavenly’ boy in her high school. Blair was smiling and nodding with the rest of the group, looking relaxed and happy.

When she finished her story, Marly turned to Blair. "My turn to ask a question. Detective Sandburg, have you ever been attracted to another man?" She giggled with the blonde girl, Sheila, sitting next to her.

Very interested in Blair's answer to this question, Jim watched Blair carefully in the reflection on the window of Simon's office. Blair swallowed hard and blushed before looking in Jim's direction, apparently unaware that he was under Jim's scrutiny. Blair's reflection squared his shoulders and faced Marly squarely as he said, "Yes."

Henri Brown guffawed and Jim would have listened further, but Simon said, "There must be something good going on over there."

Jim heard a note of wistfulness in Simon's voice and asked, "Would you like to join them, Simon? You could consider it a unique form of community building with the kids. I'm sure they'll never forget playing Truth or Dare with some of Cascade's finest."

Simon harrumphed and turned away, saying, "I'd probably wreck it for them. People just aren't that relaxed around their Captain, even off-duty."

Jim nodded. "I've been there, I understand. On the other hand, relaxing and letting your hair down with them can only help, right?"

They walked together over to the laughing circle. As they approached, Blair looked up, saw his partner approaching, and smiled broadly. "Hey, Jim," he said, sliding over a bit to make a space. "Why don't you two join us?" Jim sat down next to Blair, leaving room for Simon to squeeze in on the other side.

T'shana looked at Jim with a gleam in her eye, and said, "Well, I just spilled my guts so I get to ask the next question. Detective Ellison, what happened the first time you had to kill someone?"

Jim forced down an unwelcome memory of his time in Special Ops. He clenched his teeth a few times, then said, "That's classified. I can't answer."

T'shana pouted. "But this is Truth or Dare, you have to answer."

Several of the kids were nodding their agreement with her and looking at Jim with disapproval. Blair put his hand on Jim's shoulder, squeezing slightly. "Hey, if Jim says it's classified, it's classified. He was an Army Ranger and there are some things he just can't talk about," he explained. "I'm sure he'd tell you if he could. Ask him another question, T'shana."

Jim relaxed under Blair's touch and, more importantly, his supportive words. He gave a small smile. "He's right. I'm sorry. Ask something else."

Nodding a little reluctantly, the girl fingered a long braid then said, "Okay. Was it a real problem being told what to do all the time in the army?"

Jim smiled more genuinely. This was a question he could answer. "No. Frankly, after being raised by my father, my drill sergeant seemed like a real pushover. And after a while I was in command of my own unit, so I was giving orders as well as taking them. And Captain Banks will tell you that giving orders is a lot more fun." The kids laughed at Simon's cartoonish nod.

"Okay, Jim, now you get to ask someone a question," Blair said.

Jim turned to Michael, a slight boy who seemed to be trying to hide in the group. "So, Michael, what was your best experience with your parents?" A lot of the kids at Ruth's House had run away from abusive homes; Jim hoped that asking for the best experience would not be too traumatic for the young man.

Running his fingers through his red hair for a second, Mike finally said, "When I a kid we moved from New Jersey to Cascade. We got here just before my 10th birthday and didn't know anyone here. I hadn't started school or made any friends or anything. Our furniture and stuff hadn't even arrived. So my mom made arrangements for me to have a birthday party at a McDonald's. She wanted something festive for me and there was no way to have that at our new house. The McDonald's had balloons and a cake and Happy Meal toys." He looked down and picked at a hole in the knee of his jeans. "It was really, really awful. But I appreciated that she went to the effort for me. Later on she was too drunk most years to even notice my birthday."

Jim could smell the salt of tears gathering in the boy's eyes and berated himself for asking the question. Before he could do anything to help the boy cover his unhappiness, Marly gave him a hug. The housemother from Ruth's House heard the quiet from their corner and bustled over, all maternal concern.

"Okay, folks, it's time to go home," she said to her charges, waving for them to get up and get ready to go.

"Aww, Miss Barbara," Michael said. "We never got to ask Captain Banks a question."

When the detectives joined the kids in asking her to let them stay long enough to ask Simon a question, she relented. "Okay, one question to Captain Banks, then we're leaving. It's after one."

Michael looked at Simon for a minute, then asked, "What's the worst thing you've ever done to your kid?"

Simon looked away and pressed his lips together for moment before answering, "I guess, I'd have to say divorcing his mother. Darryl and I were really close before the divorce, but now it's like we barely get along. I think we hurt him a lot."

T'shana and Drew nodded and Jim guessed that they were children of divorce as well. Jim smiled at Simon, "Well, you're not doing too bad then, Simon. Splitting with my mother is the least of the things my dad screwed up."

Some of the kids looked curious and Jim could see Drew's mouth opening to ask another question but Miss Barbara stepped in. "Okay, kids, it's time to go."

With chorus of ‘Aww’s’, including ones from Blair and Rafe, the teens gathered up their coats and left, taking most of the leftover food with them.

Before the people from Major Crimes could get up and leave, Simon said, "So I guess I get to ask a question now, huh?"

Brown looked startled. "Captain, you want to continue?"

"Sure. We're all off-duty now and we no longer have to set an example for the kids. Let's grab some beers and have some fun." Simon and Blair stood and brought beers for everyone, leaving a few extras in the center of the circle.

Simon sat back down. "I have a question, but everyone has to answer it."

Megan looked at Rafe and Blair. "Is this a different type of Truth or Dare?"

Blair nodded and smiled. "Yeah, sure. There are a lot of ways to play."

Jim sat back, downing about half of his beer in a single gulp. "Okay, Simon, what's your question?"

"What was the weirdest thing about your childhood?" Everyone chuckled and looked at Blair, but Simon turned to Rafe on his other side. "Brian, you start."

"Well, I was born in South Africa and lived there until I was eight, when I moved to the U.S. with my parents. We lived way out in the country, on the edge of a wildlife preserve and had a lot of strange pets. My mother had a gazelle she'd hand-raised. My dad was trying to coax a local jackal into eating out of his hand. My brother tried to raise a baby warthog, though it ran away when it grew up. My pet was a Geoffroy's horseshoe bat, Mims." Megan made a face and looked disgusted and Blair smiled and bounced a little in his seat. "It slept in a cage in my room and we let it out in the evenings to fly around the house and eat. Mother would put chunks of fruit out, hanging from hooks on the ceiling and dangling from branches of the chandelier for Mims."

Megan shook her head, auburn hair bouncing around her shoulders. "I can't believe you roomed with a bat, mate."

"Mims was okay," Rafe said. "Kind of like a puppy dog with wings. And a real ugly nose." At that everyone laughed and turned to Brown.

"Well, I didn't realize how strange this was until I was in high school and started taking a lot of shit for it. My mother lived with two men," Brown said, looking a little sheepish.

Blair smiled. "Heck, that's nothing. My mother lived with a whole bunch…"

Shaking his head, Brown said, "No, no. My mother lived with two at the same time. For years. One was my dad and the other was my ‘Uncle’ George. After I got to high school, I figured out that Momma, Daddy and Uncle George had a really stable threesome going on. As a kid I never wondered or noticed that sometimes Momma would sleep in Uncle George's room."

Jim and Blair chortled at each other then Blair looked over at H. with an, "Oh, ho!"

When Brown continued, "Once I started getting beaten up for it though…" Blair's face softened with sympathy.

"Oh, man, I've been there. I got beaten up because of Naomi and her ways more than once."

Brown nodded. "Well, they're all still together, even after 30 years. A little more openly now since they know I've figured it out. But I don't know many conventional marriages that have lasted as long as Momma, Daddy and Uncle George." He turned to Megan with a big smile on his face. "Your turn."

Megan looked at Jim and Blair for a second then said, "Well, my Dad’s a big believer in psychic phenomena. My auntie used to work professionally giving readings for people from our house."

Rafe looked confused. "Why from your house?"

"Oh, Dad liked to have it around, thought it gave the house a good aura. And we had a spare room with a separate entrance we fixed up for her."

Once it was clear that Megan was finished everyone turned to look expectantly at Blair, wondering what he'd come up with for the strangest thing from his childhood.

Blair smiled a little. "I don't think you are going to believe this. You all know that Naomi and I traveled a lot when I was a kid. I didn't really have a settled home until recently." Jim's heart swelled at the sweet smile Blair gave him. "Naomi had a new man every few months and we'd live with them. In between we'd go on spiritual retreats and stuff. The longest I lived anywhere until I was 12 was a Zen Buddhist commune in California. We were there for about 9 months."

Everyone nodded and Rafe said, "Okay, so what was the strangest thing?"

"C'mon, Sandburg, give," urged Simon.

"Hey," Blair said, smiling. "I'm establishing for you what was normal for me okay? So the weirdest part of my childhood was the year I turned 13. I told Mom that I wanted a Bar Mitzvah, which surprised her. She left me with some cousins in Texas so I could go through the required Hebrew and religious classes. I stayed with them for a little over a year and it was like Leave it to Beaver, man. It was the creepiest thing. Suburban house with a white picket fence, 2 kids, a dog and a cat. Absolutely nothing that wasn't perfectly normal, white-bread, middle America. I swear they were working out how to have that .3 of a kid. After my Bar Mitzvah, I couldn't get out of there fast enough."

Jim shook his head. "So the weirdest part of your childhood was the one year that it was normal, Chief?"

Brown laughed. "That sounds like our Hairboy all right."

Blair smiled and looked a little sheepish. "Yeah. Your turn, Jim."

Jim thought for a moment. After the dissertation disaster, his senses were more or less an open secret in Major Crimes, but he didn't feel like talking about it. "Well, there was the time I found my friend and mentor's body, but most of you know about that." Nods all around, except from Megan, who looked confused.

Brown leaned over to Megan and whispered that he'd explain it to her.

"It's not quite the same thing, but the most persistent mystery from my childhood is why Sally continued working for my father all those years. He's not an easy man to work for. He relied on her to take care of Stephen and me, to raise us, but he was constantly undermining her authority with us. I guess she stayed for Stephen and me when we were still at home. I just can't figure why she's still there."

Blair looked at him, surprised. "You don’t know, man? She loves your dad. I mean, I only saw them together for a few minutes, but it's way beyond a housekeeper's duties to fuss and care for your father the way she did after he was kidnapped. It looked real obvious to me. Of course, I don't think your dad would ever let himself love his housekeeper."

Shocked, Jim just stared at him, thought of saying something, rejected it, thought of something else, rejected that too and finally settled for sitting silent, contemplating how he could have missed something that was completely obvious to him now that it had been pointed out. Finally, he said, "Damn. You're right. Poor Sally." Jim had been feeling the pain of unrequited love for Blair for months and it pained him to think of Sally living with that for years.

Shaking his head, Blair said, "I think she gets enough happiness out of the relationship they have that she's able to deal with there not being more." He spoke with a solid certainty in his voice that made Jim wonder what it meant.

"It's my turn," Rafe said as he looked around the circle, obviously thinking. "I'd like to know what got each of you into police work." Jim rested his hand on Blair's back showing support for what had to be an awkward and painful moment. Inwardly, he cursed Rafe for bringing up a sensitive subject. When Brown looked at Blair with concern in his eyes, Rafe winced a little and looked embarrassed, but there was no way for him to back down from the question without making the moment worse.

Rafe turned to Brown. "Okay, H., you start."

"Well, my aunt was killed during a burglary of her house when I was a kid. The cops caught the guy in just a few days. Before the funeral even. I was torn up by her death and it felt really good knowing that the guy wasn't going to get away with it. So I decided to become a cop."

Megan nodded. "It was something like that with me. My brother was killed in a car accident and the officer who came to inform us was so kind and it was so comforting. I wanted to be able to help people like that."

Everyone looked at Blair. Jim felt totally helpless. He was certain that talking about how he came to be a police officer was going to hurt but there was nothing he could do to help. He moved the hand that had stayed on Blair's back up to the nape of his neck and squeezed very lightly. Blair cleared his throat. "You all think you know what led me to become a cop. But there's more to it than any of you know. Even if I'd finished my dissertation and gotten my Ph.D., I would probably have gone to the academy and joined the PD. A couple of years ago, I realized that the most important work I was doing wasn't teaching or writing research papers. It was helping Jim with his cases." He paused for a moment and looked at Jim with glowing eyes. "Riding with Jim the last few years has shown me that what my mother taught me about the police is wrong. Cops aren't jackbooted thugs marching around and beating protesters for no good reason. Most cops are good, hardworking people who are risking their lives and working their asses off to preserve decency and keep their cities safe. I don't think Jim understands what a good role model he is. I don't think any of you do." He looked down at his lap and let his hair hide his face.

Jim blinked at him. "Well," he said, then paused and smiled. "Okay."

Blair chuckled. "Apparently that threw Jim a bit." He looked around at Megan, Rafe and Brown. All were smiling at him.

Jim pulled himself together. "I guess it's my turn. After Peru, I didn't really have the heart to be in the army any more, though I'd been planning on a career. But I had all these skills. There's a lot of training that goes into being a Ranger, hand-to-hand combat is only part of it. And I missed watching over the Chopec. I guess Sandburg'd say I missed having a tribe to protect. So I came home to Cascade and joined the PD."

Blair smiled at his friend, then looked at Simon. "How about you, Simon?"

"Well. When I got out of high school there weren't a lot of black role models out there. And most of them were actors or musicians and had a sort of rough, ghetto image. I wanted to go into a career where I could be a role model to young kids, black and white."

"So that's why the PD has the annual New Year's party with the shelter kids?" Jim asked. "I'd heard that this program was one that you really pushed through the Chief's office."

"Yeah. I want kids to enjoy spending time with cops. I think it's good for them."

Blair smiled and stage whispered to Megan, loud enough for everyone to hear, "He's also very involved with the Police Athletic Activities League in town, so he plays sports with the local kids almost every weekend."

Jim saw the heat in Simon's cheeks that signaled a blush that was hidden by his dark skin and stifled a smile.

Sounding gruff and annoyed, Simon turned to Rafe, "So what about you, Brian? How did you get into policing?"

Harrumphing a bit, Rafe said, "It's my question, so I don't have to answer." He smiled a little, "But I don't mind. I got into it from the other direction from most of you." He reached out and took one of the beers from the middle of the circle and fidgeted with opening it. "After we immigrated to the US, my brother got involved with a bad crowd and got into drugs. He's a few years older than me and my parents were in denial about the whole thing. When it was just a drug habit I was willing to live and let live, right, but when he started dealing crack and heroin to the local high school kids I just couldn't let that go." He fidgeted with his beer again, wiping the condensation off the bottle with his cuff. "I took some photos of him, found out who one of his suppliers was, and took it to the police. Dave was arrested and convicted. He's got another 20 years to serve before he's eligible for parole. My parents will probably never forgive me, though. They haven't spoken to me since he was arrested."

A silence fell over the group. Megan and Simon took the last of the beers. Finally, Henri broke the silence. "I'm going to get this party going again. I want to hear about how each of you lost your virginity and I want all the embarrassing details."

Rafe laughed and Jim was amused to see that both Blair and Megan blushed at that question. Blair's heart was pounding and Jim figured he must have something either good or embarrassing to say.

"Uh…I…" Megan looked pleadingly at H. "Still no dare option, eh, mate?"

Henri shook his head. "No dares, just the truth."

Megan swallowed hard then said, "Well, I was 16 and he was 17. It was his first time too and we were just curious. We were randy little teenagers, right, and we were just helping each other out. His family had a sheep station in New South Wales and we hid out in the shearing house." She blushed again and stopped.

H. looked at her confused. "That wasn't so bad, Megan. Why didn't you want to talk about it?"

Jim heard her heart rate increase before she spoke. "Well, he was my…umm…cousin."

Rafe whooped, Simon smiled, and Brown grinned. "Right, now that was the kind of juicy tidbit I was hoping for. Was it any good?"

Megan shook her head. "Is it ever the first time? Not really. But we both got over our first time jitters with someone we already trusted."

Megan turned to Blair, obviously eager to turn attention away from herself. "How about you, Sandy?"

Blair took a deep breath, then launched smoothly into his story without any hint of a stammer or blush. "I was 16 and Naomi and I were living in San Diego with a boyfriend of hers. I was just about to go off to college here at Rainier. He had a daughter my age, though she was still in high school. I was totally nuts about her. I took her out to the movies a couple of times and cooked dinner for her one night when her dad and Naomi were out at a concert. She mostly lived with her mom, but her dad got custody on weekends. After one of the movies, she and I drove to the beach and…you know. I left to go to college just a couple of weeks later. It was kind of ugly, because she thought I'd changed my mind about going to college and was going to stay in San Diego with her. I was so not going to do that."

As he spoke, Jim watched his friend, trying to figure out what was wrong. Blair's heartbeat was a little too fast, his respiration a little too shallow and he was sweating slightly. Not too surprising, given the embarrassing subject matter. When everyone nodded and turned to Jim, accepting Blair's story, Jim noticed Blair sag almost invisibly, as if tension in his muscles was being released.

Jim kept an ear on Blair's pulse and respiration as he told his own story, about his high school sweetheart and the last night before he went off to military school. Blair's heart rate slowed quickly as Jim spoke and as his breathing slowed and deepened.

Blair smiled and laughed a little too ostentatiously and Jim suddenly knew, he *knew*, that Blair had lied, though he wasn't sure how he knew. And he wondered why. He opened his mouth to call Blair on the deception, to insist that he tell the truth. Then he reconsidered. Though obfuscation and other flavors of untruth were part of Blair's approach to interpersonal relations, he rarely lied without a good reason. He wouldn't have casually lied in a game of Truth or Dare. Jim decided he would get the truth out of Blair later, privately.

Jim turned his attention to the end of Simon's story, involving parking with the daughter of the school principal at the local lover's lane and a lewd and lascivious conduct charge. "I'm not really sure that counts as my first time, since we didn't really finish what we'd started," Simon concluded.

Brown laughed. "It counts enough for me, Captain. After that, I'm sure the next time was tame."

Blair turned to Rafe. "How about you, Brian?"

Brian looked as embarrassed as everyone else had. Then Jim realized what was wrong with Blair's delivery of his story, he hadn't looked or acted embarrassed. It had been presented completely smoothly. "I snuck into her house when her parents were asleep. We were so quiet, trying not to breathe even so we wouldn't wake up the parents. It was the summer before our senior year in high school. Unlike the rest of you guys, Mary Anne and I stayed together for three years. Even went off to the same college. I was heartbroken when she dumped me in college. If she'd have had me, I'd probably still be with her." He looked glum.

Blair looked around at the circle and noticed the empty beers. "Here, while Megan's asking her question, I'll go get more beers for everyone." He stood up and collected empties from people. "I'll answer when I get back."

Jim stood up next to his friend. "I'll give you a hand. It looks like we need to bring back half a dozen or so."

Blair almost dropped one of the empties and turned a smile to Jim. "Thanks, man, it looks like I could really use the extra hands."

They dumped the empties into a recycling bin and Blair hunkered down to the cooler and started handing beers up to Jim.

Jim squatted down next to Blair and said very quietly so the others wouldn't hear, "This is supposed to be Truth or Dare, Chief. Why did you lie?"

The beer in Blair's hand dropped into the ice water in the cooler with a splash and Jim could hear his heart suddenly racing. "Jim?" Blair said, with a voice steadier than Jim would have thought possible, given how fast his heart was beating.

"You know you can't lie to me, buddy."

Blair turned pleading eyes to Jim. "Let it go, please, Jim."

Struck by the anxiety in the big blue eyes, Jim relented. "Will you tell me later?"

Blair's shoulders sagged and he sunk his hands into the ice water again, fishing for another beer. "If I have to. At home."

Jim nodded, even more curious. "Okay," he whispered, then continued in a louder voice, "We'd better hurry, sounds like things are getting ugly over there."

Blair quickly pulled another couple of beers out of the water and they walked back to the group. Blair looked deflated, his visible comfort with the situation and the group gone. They passed the beers around and sat.

Jim smiled at Megan. "So what was the question, Conner?"

The Australian smiled cheekily. "I decided to go for a real simple question. How many people have you had sex with?"

"So what were the answers so far?" Jim asked. Blair seemed to be shrinking into himself even more.

"Well, Simon said 'four'. Rafe was our surprise when he said just two."

Brian sighed. "I spent years pining for Mary Anne. I guess I still feel like I cheated on her with that other woman."

Before Rafe could get too maudlin, Megan continued, "H. tried to feed us a bunch of poppycock by claiming more than he can count." H. grinned. "He eventually settled on 11."

"What about you?" Jim asked, sensing that Blair needed a little more time to get himself together.

"Ah, ah, ah. It's my question, that means I don't have to answer." Megan smiled again, then turned to Blair. "So what's your answer, Sandy?"

Blair grinned. "How many women in the PD secretarial pool? How many TAs at Rainier?"

Brown laughed and said, "From Hairboy, I'll believe it's more than he can count."

Blair nodded, still grinning. Jim could see hints of distress in the expressive eyes, could hear the racing pulse that told him his friend was lying again.

Blair continued, saying, "Hey, sorry I can't be more precise but you all heard about my childhood. It was free love all the way."

Rafe laughed. "Except for that year in Texas?"

Blair nodded enthusiastically, his curls bobbing around his face. "Exactly."

H. looked at Jim. "What about you, Jim? How many notches on your bedpost, man?"

Jim shrugged, thought for a moment, then said, "Nine."

Jim noticed Blair nodding. He was staring rather fixedly at the floor. He could hear Blair whispering names "Carolyn, Jane, Michelle…" and counting on his fingers.

Simon interrupted Blair's ruminations, asking, "So, Sandburg, what's your question?"

Blair thought for a minute. "Well, I'm not normally the one to be getting a conversation out of the gutter, but I think we've wallowed enough for one evening." A chuckle went round the circle. "So how about the strangest food you've ever eaten?"

Jim grimaced. "Well, I don't really know for sure. I know I ate strange stuff with the Chopec, but I don't know what a lot of it was in English. The strangest thing I've eaten that I can name was fried jellyfish. I can't tell you much about the situation, that's classified, but the cook where I was discovered that I liked these crunchy things on my salad. Later when I saw him with a jellyfish I asked what it was for and he told me that when dried and fried it became that salad topping."

H groaned. Rafe shook his head, and asked, "So once you knew what they were did you keep eating those salads?"

Jim nodded. "Sure, I liked them. Knowing what it was didn't change that."

Blair smiled at him and said, "Yeah, that sounds like Jim all right." That got another chuckle from everyone.

Simon smiled. "I can't top jellyfish. The strangest thing I've ever eaten was sushi. Darryl dragged me out to a Japanese restaurant and made me try the raw fish." He rolled his eyes with a ‘the things we do for our kids’ look. "It actually wasn't bad, really. Though if any of you tell Darryl that I'll deny it and have you writing traffic tickets for a week."

Jim didn't pay a lot of attention as the others gave their answers. He was busy trying to figure out Blair's strange behavior earlier. He couldn't figure out why Blair would lie about his first time. And Blair had evaded Megan's questions, allowing H's comment to end the discussion. Blair was looking and acting comfortable and happy again, fully at peace with his position in this ‘Dirty Harry’ world, though Jim could still sense the tension underneath the surface, the occasional skipped heartbeats, the smell of stress coming off his Guide.

After a minute everyone was looking at him, waiting for a question.

Jim picked up his beer and took a slow drink, buying himself some time to think of something to ask. Something that might help him better understand Blair. He had an inspiration and resisted an impulse to smile. He swallowed slowly. "Okay. This is going to sound really strange coming from me, but I want to know whether you've ever been in love, really in love, not just lust or infatuation. And like H., I want to know details."

He smelled another wave of stress scent coming off Blair, heard another skip in the still too fast pulse. He kept his eyes on Simon as he felt Blair turn to look at him, the ripples in the still air of the station showing him as clearly as his eyes could have.

Simon started the answers, talking about Joan and how much he loved her. Jim knew that while his own divorce from Carolyn had been something both of them desired, Joan had chosen to leave Simon over his objections, his willingness to work things out. Brian talked about Mary Anne, the woman who had been his first. Jim tuned them out. He was watching Blair carefully, hoping that Blair would answer this question honestly.

When it was Blair's turn, he sighed deeply before speaking. "Yeah, I've been in love. No, truth time. I am in love. I'm pretty jealous of all of you, though. You've at least gotten a chance to share that love. The person I love doesn't return it." His voice caught slightly, so slightly that Jim was certain only he heard it. Blair looked down and shook his head, brown curls swinging in front of his face like a veil. "That's all."

Jim wrestled with an impulse to put his arm around Blair's shoulder. He could smell the tears, hidden from the others behind the waterfall of hair, and hear the tiny gasping breaths as Blair fought off tears. He refrained, afraid that a gesture of caring might tip the balance toward the tears.

Jim looked down into his beer and rifled through his memory, remembering the unswerving loyalty and devotion that Blair had given him, from the first time they met and Blair had saved him from the garbage truck, to the halting, pained delivery of his press conference denouncing his dissertation, to the resolute determination with which he faced the academy and its harsh hazing for a cadet who didn't quite fit in. All through those years, Blair had supported him, cared for him, been there for him in large ways and small. There was no one else in Blair's life that had been gifted with that. No one else in Blair's life that was even close.

Guided to the answer by Blair's halting admission that he was in love, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Blair loved him. Blair loved him and believed that he didn't return that love. He smiled a tiny, secret smile.

A gentle touch on his arm snapped him back out of his reflections. "Jim, man, don't go zoning on me, okay?"

Jim put on a gruff face and grumbled, "I'm okay, Chief, just tired."

Smiling, Blair said, "Got caught by the beer bottle, eh? You are tired, maybe I should drive home."

Jim nodded, allowing Blair to think that he'd started to zone rather than telling him he'd become lost in his thoughts. He stood and gave Blair a hand up. Their imminent departure seemed to signal the end of the party as everyone else was rising as well, gathering bottles and other rubbish to dump in the trash cans as they went.

As people went to get their coats and disperse, Simon stopped them all with his ‘Captain’ voice, "One thing, people. Nothing we've said here tonight gets repeated."

Brown protested, saying, "You mean I can't tease Conner about her cousin?" Conner groaned. "Not even the Wallaby Incident? C'mon, Cap." Megan gave Simon big, pleading eyes in the background.

Simon just glared at the big detective. "What part of nothing are you having difficulty with, Brown? No teasing, no talking. Nothing."

Megan sighed in relief and smiled. "Thanks, Simon."

With that they dispersed. Jim noticed that Blair was relaxed and animated in the truck, chattering about the party and the kids they had met. The tension and increased heart rate he'd been noticing earlier were gone and Blair was his normally chipper self. Jim wondered what had happened.

Once they were in the loft, Blair hung his coat on the hook by the door and waved at Jim. "Good night, man. I'm going to crash. What time do we have to be in tomorrow?"

Jim smiled. Since they were now working the same schedule, Blair trusted him to be the timekeeper for them. "Since we 'worked' the party tonight, we don't have to be in until noon tomorrow."

Blair looked happy at that. "Cool. A full night's sleep. I can get with that. G'nite." He turned toward the bathroom, untucking his shirt as he went.

"Wait a minute, Chief, aren't you forgetting something?" Jim asked, leaning against the island in the kitchen.

Blair stopped in his tracks and scratched his head. "No, I don't think so. Brush teeth, strip, bed, to station by noon. Seems pretty comprehensive."

"You haven't had enough to drink to have forgotten. You said you'd give me the truth about your first time."

The fear scent rolling off Blair hit Jim's nose just seconds after he heard the increased pulse. Blair turned to him, face showing pale to Jim's eyesight even in the dark. "Hey, man. You heard what Simon said, no talking about anything we said tonight."

"I think Simon was trying to spare people being teased about the truths they revealed. Doesn't quite fit in this situation." Jim walked closer to Blair. "C'mon, Chief. Same rule applies, I won't say anything to anyone." When Blair backed up a step, Jim continued, "I promise."

Jim could see the appraising look Blair was giving him as he stood outside the doors of his room, could see that Blair was fighting an impulse to bolt to the safety of his little cave under the stairs and lock the door. Whatever had happened his first time, Jim suddenly felt it must have been bad. "I've still got a security clearance, Blair. I'll keep your secret."

Blair gave up the struggle he was fighting with himself and walked toward the living room. He looked like someone going to trial, not to a talk with his best friend.

Trying to cheer Blair up he said, "Hey, it can't be worse than getting busted for lewd and lascivious conduct, can it?"

Blair didn't respond to the joke, just shrugged and sat down on the small sofa. "What do you want to know, Jim?"

Jim grabbed the yellow armchair and pulled it close to the sofa, close enough to make the conversation feel intimate, safe, without being too close, without crowding. "Just what H. asked. Tell me about the first time you had sex."

Blair shrugged. "Nothing to tell, man."

"Nothing?" Jim wasn't prepared to let Blair get away with not answering. "You told me earlier you'd give me the truth."

"Do your lie detector thing on me like you did at the station. I'm telling you the truth, there's nothing to tell." At Jim's confused look, he continued, "Really. I've never had sex. At least not all the way. I could tell you about the first time I made out with someone. I could tell you the name of the first girl I kissed. But I've never done the deed."

Jim's senses told him that Blair was telling the truth, pulse steady, no sweating, no dilation of pupils, respiration strong and deep. The truth. He still had trouble believing it. "Never?"

"Never."

"What about all those women? What about Chris? What about Maya and Molly? Fuck, Sandburg, you're almost thirty!"

Blair moved to stand up, looking suddenly exhausted. "I've told you the truth. Are we done?"

Jim reached out to Blair, not wanting this conversation to be over yet. "Blair, wait. Why are you so stressed about this?"

Blair turned and looked at him, incredulous. "All I've ever wanted from you is your respect, Jim." Jim knew Blair was lying, apparently before Blair did. "Well, that and your friendship." He was still lying but this time didn't seem inclined to amend his statement. "I really didn't want you to know about this."

"Why not?" Jim asked, genuinely confused. "It's not like there's anything wrong with being a virgin. It's just…unexpected. You go to a lot of effort to make people think you're a super stud."

"Look, there's not a lot of street credibility in being the oldest living male virgin in history, right? I can't really pull off a reputation as a fighter, don't really want to. Being known as a lover is almost as good. That rep helped me make a place for myself at the station. Even before I became a cop, I had people's respect, grudgingly in some cases, but I had it. Playing at being a stud just helped with that." He leaned forward and rested his forehead on clenched fists. "If I'd been open from the beginning about being a virgin do you think I'd ever have been accepted fully by Brown and Rafe. What about Simon? I'd never be able to get past him thinking of me as a kid."

"So what about all those women?"

"I like women, Jim." Jim's heart sank, but he kept himself quiet as Blair continued, "Look there are two kinds of people in the world, loosely speaking, heterophiles and homophiles. You're a homophile…"

"Huh?" Jim said, wondering where this was going. Could Blair suspect…

"This doesn't have anything to do with who you're sexually attracted to, man. No one's questioning your heterosexuality. This is all about who you like to hang out with. Your friends are male, like Simon and Danny and me. For most of my life I've been a heterophile. I like hanging out with women, I enjoy the conversations I have with women. Right now, this period in my life, I have more male friends than I ever have." Blair paused, then smiled a little ruefully. "Sorry, I'm lecturing again. Anyway, mostly what I've been doing with all those women over the years has been talking. Enjoying their company."

"That's all?" Jim asked, quietly, curious.

"Well, I'm not completely inexperienced, Jim. There have been a few over the years that I've been sexual with. Way fewer than you think, I bet." Blair sat, looking down at the floor between his feet. His heart rate had calmed. Apparently, once he started talking he was prepared to keep going with it.

"Why?"

"Why am I a virgin? Different reasons at different times. When I was first in college, I was just a kid, not even legal. I was a 16 year old in a world where the next youngest was 18. No one was interested in a scrawny, bratty geek. I was a lot like Alec. Can you see him getting laid his first few years in school?"

Jim smiled a little and said, "I can see that, I guess. What about later? After a while that two year age difference would stop being so important."

"Yeah." Blair broke off his study of the floor and focused on the French doors to the patio instead. "Around then, I guess I had something of a revelation. I spent part of the summer after my junior year with those normal relatives in Texas. It had been 6 years since I'd been there before, and I was blown away by the fact that my aunt and uncle were still together. None of Naomi's relationships lasted 6 months, let alone 6 years." He stopped and closed his eyes.

Jim prompted him for the rest of the story that he could sense there with a soft, "It sounds like there's more."

Blair nodded. "I've always wanted a father, you know. A real father, not just another of Naomi's men, taking me to the World Series to get in good with her. Someone I could count on, could make proud of me."

Jim held his silence, touching Blair lightly on the arm in sympathy and comfort. Jim had known his father his whole life, but neither of them had a father they could count on. This pain was very familiar to him.

"I was there for Father's Day and I saw how genuine the feelings of love and *gratitude* my cousins had for their dad were. I saw how proud he was of them. They gave so much to each other's lives. For the first time, I guess, I saw what I'd missed all those years with Naomi." He stopped, drawing in a shaky breath, expelling it in a rush, words tumbling out over each other, "I was so fucking jealous, Jim! So jealous and angry. I hated them. I hated myself. I hated Naomi. I couldn't stay there. I managed to hook up with an expedition to the Amazon the next week and took off. I couldn't stand it."

"I'm not sure how this connects," Jim said, genuinely puzzled about the connection between this and Blair's reasons for remaining celibate. Until it came to him. "You didn't want to father a…" he trailed off.

"It's okay, you can say it. I didn't want to father a bastard like me. I didn't want some little kid to go through his or her whole life without a father. I couldn't do that to the kid. I couldn't do it to myself. I didn't want to father a child that I'd never know." Blair wrapped his arms around himself, holding himself like he was afraid he'd fly apart if he let go. "And I learned the lesson of High School sex ed. classes way too well. Even the most reliable forms of birth control can fail. I wasn't willing to take the risk." He tried to breathe deeply, but the expelled breath was shaky. "I'm Naomi's worst mistake. I didn't want to burden a woman with that, or a child."

Jim's heart ached for his friend, the friend he loved with all his heart. Did Blair really feel that he was a mistake? Had he lived with that knowledge his whole life? "Oh, Chief." Jim reached out for Blair's arm, but was stopped by Blair suddenly rising and walking to the balcony doors.

Jim asked, "What about men? I heard your answer to Marly's question."

Even in the darkened loft, Blair's sudden blush reflected in the glass like a beacon to Jim; the pounding of his heart sounded like thunder. "That's a kind of recent development. Last few years, really."

"So what's your reason for not doing the deed with one of the men you've been attracted to?" He stood and moved close to Blair, subtly crowding his personal space.

He could tell that Blair was trying not to react to his physical presence, trying hard to control his breathing, to stand still. But he couldn't hide the increased body temperature, the slight lean toward Jim, the subtle scent of musk and pheromones. The confirmation of his suspicion from earlier that Blair was attracted to him gave Jim confidence.

Blair stepped away and again looked like he was about to bolt for his room. "Please leave it alone, Jim. I've answered all your other questions." He turned to Jim, the plea visible in his eyes, in the set of his shoulders, in the tension in his hands.

"What don't you want to tell me, Blair?" Jim prodded. "I know you've had thoughts about other men." Jim looked down at his hands, reaching out toward Blair, asking him to stay, then back up at Blair's frightened face. "Would it help if I told you that I've been attracted to a man as well?"

Blair nodded, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.

"I have been, for years. Would it help if I told you why I've never acted on that attraction?"

Blair nodded again, curiosity shining through the misery in his eyes. "Why?"

"The guy I'm attracted to has always gone to a lot of trouble to convince everyone who knows him that he's a completely straight super stud." Jim moved slowly toward Blair, as if he were approaching a shy stray cat who might bolt or lash out at any second. "Everyone knows that he has a new girlfriend every couple of weeks, has dated everyone in the secretarial pool, every TA at the university. It's common knowledge that he can't count the number of lovers he's had." Blair lifted his eyes and met Jim's gaze, blue eyes locking and holding as Jim slowly moved closer. "I don't want that kind of relationship with him, though. I want, I need, love and commitment and forever with him."

Whispering so softly that only a Sentinel could have heard him, Blair asked, "Why haven't you told him this? Maybe that's exactly what he's been waiting for his entire life. Maybe you're what he's been waiting for."

Jim nodded and moved another step closer. He could now reach out and touch Blair, but he held back. "I know that now. I know. I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. In my defense, I thought what he wanted me to think."

Blair smiled and looked down at the floor. "Sort of shot himself in the foot, did he?"

Jim chuckled. "Yeah. Sort of."

Blair looked back up at Jim, now standing just a few inches away. "So now you know the truth are you going to make a move?" Blair leaned toward Jim, his eyes moving from Jim's eyes to his firm, strong lips.

"Yeah." The word was breathed over Blair's lips as Jim lowered his mouth to brush lightly against Blair's.

The kiss was warmth and comfort and security, all the things that Jim associated with his friend and Guide. His senses felt supercharged. Each tiny wrinkle in Blair's soft lips was territory to be explored with his own. Blair's scent, so familiar to him, was warmed and enriched with the musk of his arousal. When Blair moaned, a whisper of sound that Jim felt as much as he heard, Jim deepened the kiss, licking at the soft lips, slipping his tongue inside when Blair opened to him in silent invitation.

The kiss ended with both of them breathless, leaning against each other for support. Jim pulled Blair close and sighed in contentment as Blair's deceptively strong arms wrapped around him.

Blair buried his face into the crook of Jim's neck nuzzling the tendons there for a moment before speaking softly, "I love you, Jim. I've loved you for so damned long."

Jim smiled and squeezed tighter. "I love you too, Blair." He stroked Blair's head, enjoying the silken feel of the curly hair as it moved around and over his hand like a living thing.

Suddenly, Blair chuckled, then said, "I guess we won." He moved back in Jim's embrace just enough to be able to see his face.

Jim smiled at the obvious delight and happiness there. "What did we win?"

Blair smiled, lighting up the dark loft with joy and love. "The game of Truth or Dare, man."

Jim pulled him close again and claimed his mouth in a gentle, but searingly passionate kiss, letting his hands roam over the compact body. When they stood breathless in each other's arms again, he said, "Yeah. I guess we did, Chief. I guess we did." Jim took Blair's hand in his and led him toward the stairs to the loft bedroom.

THE END