TITLE: Oops

AUTHOR: Scorpio

EMAIL:scorpiofic@aol.com

ARCHIVE: Yes, if you would like it.

FANDOM: View Askew Universe (General)

For those who are unsure, View Askew Productions (Kevin Smith) consists of the following movies: "Clerks", "Mallrats", "Chasing Amy", and "Dogma". The 5th View Askew Movie, "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" is currently in production and is being filmed on the West Coast.

PAIRING: Jay/Silent Bob

RATING: R [extreme language - Thank you Jay!]

WARNING: language, adult themes

DISCLAIMER: Kevin Smith owns Silent Bob, Jay, Banky and Holden. New Jersey is it's own entity. The mistakes are mine.

SUMMARY: Jay's big mouth and his subconscious work together to Out him and his lover. Silent Bob thinks about things.

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Oops
by Scorpio
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"...and then the ditzy bitch with the red hair and the huge tits out ta here was all sorts of 'Ooooo. *My* boyfriend stood in line ta buy tickets ta see a movie that *I* wanted ta see for *two whole hours*, so I *think* we all *know* who's got the best man' and then the tall skinny broad with the
itty-bitty skirt that practically showed the whole fuckin' world her kitty says, 'That shit-head ain't a good boyfriend compared ta *mine*. *My* man put in ten hours of overtime at work ta buy me this necklace.' Then the little twat proceeds ta show off this gold chain with a little gold angel charm on
it..."

Jay grew silent for a moment, a pensive look on his expressive face. Bob didn't like that look. He knew it meant there was more to the story, but Jay was trying to figure out *how* to tell it. And *that* was un-Jay-like. Jay usually spouted things out in whichever way the ideas fell out of his brain.

Glancing over at the person who meant more to him than anything else in the world, Bob raised up one eyebrow and tilted his head in silent encouragement to continue. Jay just scowled at him briefly.

"All right, all right already. Don't get pushy."

Bob didn't say anything. He just waited for the lanky blonde to continue with the narrative. Finally, Jay drew in a deep breath and let it out in a half sigh-half snort of exasperation.

"*Fine*! I got pissed off. Happy now? I got pissed at those fuckin' cows braggin' on their men and I opened my mouth and... well I sorta stuck my foot in it."

Bob couldn't help it. He *tried* to repress it, to shove it back down deep inside, but it refused to be contained. He smirked. Wickedly. Even as a silent chuckle lightly shook his large frame. Jay scowled again, this time he included a glare as well.

"Yeah, laugh it up Lunchbox. You won't think it's so funny in a minute."

Jay's eyes lost their harshness and became slightly haunted as he looked away to gaze down the street. His shoulders slumped down in slight defeat.

"Ya see. I told those bitches that they didn't know Jack-Shit about what a *real* boyfriend was about. I said how I'd been with the same fuckin' man for almost ten years and we was still together and how none of *them* could even come *close* ta sayin' the same. I said how *my* man never hit me, never yelled at me and always watched my back, kicking ass left and right ta defend me and shit. I said how I didn't have ta worry about tryin' ta be a goddamned perfect *anything* 'cause *my* man loved me for *me*. The *real* me. Screw-ups and all. I'm tellin' ya man, I climbed up on my soapbox and preached for all I was worth. And then when I was done they just blinked and shrieked. In unison too. 'Oh! My! God! Silent Bob is *gay*!' and then they all just... took off and left me by myself... I'm *such* a stupid shit sometimes."

Bob stopped walking and just looked over at Jay. The blonde had a dejected sad expression on his face and just the hint of fear in his eyes as he waited for whatever Bob chose to send his way. But Bob didn't know. Didn't know *how* to feel or what to think about this. It was a... shock.

He needed time to let this situation sink in and become real to him. To delay a bit, he reached down into one of the voluminous pockets of his leather trench coat and pulled out his smokes. Taking one out, he reached for his lighter. A metallic click-rasp echoed through the empty side street and he lit his cigarette. Taking a deep drag, he let the acrid smoke swirl into his lungs and around his head as he considered everything.

He and Jay had been best friends since they were young children. They had been lovers since puberty had hit them. They had been each other's first, as they discovered the joy of sex together through the usual fumbling insecurity that all young teens suffer through. However, that hadn't been the end of it. As they had grown older and had slowly developed their places in the world, they had stayed together. They each had discovered an enjoyment and appreciation of the female form, and even now, they would each go off, together or separate, to spend a night in the arms of a beautiful woman, but they *always* came home to each other.

They lived together, slept in the same bed, drank from the same glasses and ate from the same plates. Their clothes tumbled together in the same dryer and they shared the same shampoo. They were a couple. Lovers. Best friends. Yet, until earlier today, no one knew.

That was something that they had agreed on almost a decade ago when they first began to share each others bodies. Two fumbling frantic thirteen year olds who would sneak off to engage in frontage and mutual masturbation and were too unsure and frightened to come out and say that they would rather have sex with each other than with the head cheerleader or the leading lady of the latest blockbuster. So they had agreed to not say anything to anyone and to cultivate a reputation for liking the ladies more than they really did. Their plan worked. It also followed them into adulthood.

Now here they were, both twenty-three years old, still together and still keeping it a secret from the world. Hiding their feelings and the true scope of their relationship until they were safely behind the locked door of their own apartment.

However, Jay's loss of temper earlier had ended that. They were Out. The secret had been told and it couldn't be contained. Bob knew those girls and he knew that their heads would explode if they tried to keep Jay's announcement a secret. By the end of the week, *everyone* would know that he and Jay were sleeping together. Most people wouldn't care. About 90% of the people that they dealt with were buyers and those guys didn't care *who* or *what* he and Jay fucked as long as the dope kept coming their way. A few would probably be offended on general principle, unthinking prejudice being what it is, but Bob wasn't too worried about that. If they came down too hard on Jay about it, he'd remove their spine for them. End of problem. It was their close personal friends that concerned him.

He didn't think that they'd be too upset about the whole gay thing. It was the lying to them for almost a decade thing that would be hard to get past. After a while, Banky might come around, but Bob was worried about how Holden would take this situation. And more, how Banky would handle Holden's reaction. It was plain to everyone but Holden that Banky was in total and complete love with the man...

Bob sighed and flicked the smoldering cigarette butt onto the street and glanced back up into the face of the man he loved. Jay's nerves were stretched to their limits and he looked like he was about to go off on one of his famous rants. It was probably not evident to anyone else, but Bob could tell he was worried about how he would react to the blonde's earlier slip-up. Jay was the outgoing one, the one that everyone but their closest friends dealt with while he was the silent back-up hovering behind, but when it was just the two of them, Bob called the shots. In truth, he always did. Jay could read his body-language with perfect ease and seemed to know what was going on with him without the use of words. But right now, he was worried. Upset and afraid. He wouldn't even look at Bob.

"We should tell Banky and Holden ourselves. They shouldn't find out through the grapevine."

Jay stepped back a step and gaped at him in shock.

"What the fuck? That's *it*? We should tell Holden and Banky. That's *all* you've got ta say? What? No yellin' at me for openin' my big hole and trashin' your rep? No tellin' me I'm a stupid fuck and that I should've known better than ta say shit like that out loud?"

Bob shrugged slightly, his eyes softening.

"It's time to move forward. You know that and now, so do I. We're not thirteen anymore. Evolve or die. Our relationship has to grow or it stagnates. It's time to move forward. I still want to move forward with you at my side. Do you?"

A myriad of emotions flitted across Jay's expressive face one after another, almost too quickly to catalog. Confusion. Relief. Fear. Understanding. Joy. Determination. Finally, the thin blonde offered up a slight smile, the one expression reserved for Bob and Bob alone.

"Yeah. I always want you with me Lunchbox. Always. No matter what."

Bob grinned back and Jay let loose with a small chuckle.

"I'm glad you're not mad Lunchbox. I mean it. You're more than just my Muscle, ya know? I'm talkin' through thick and thin, richer or poorer, good weed and bad, till the cops do us part. Ya know?"

Bob felt his heart flutter in his chest and his grin widened into a full blown smile. He reached out with one large hand and grabbed a fist full of Jay's oversized tee-shirt, yanking the tall thin man towards him. Jay stumbled forward slightly and Bob wrapped his other thickly muscled arm
around his lover's back, pulling him up tight against his broad chest. He looked up into sparkling eyes.

"Me too."

And then they kissed. The first kiss they ever shared away from the safety of closed and locked doors. It was to be the first of many.



END: Oops
Scorpio [8th sign of the Zodiac]
scorpiofic@aol.com