Title: Brotherly Love

Author: Tayla

Fandom: Simon & Simon

Pairing: Rick/AJ

Rating: R

Category: Angst

Status: Completed August 12,2002

Archive: Please ask first. I'll probably say yes

Feedback: Yes, please. All constructive criticism will be graciously accepted

Series/Sequel: yeah, I guess so. I can't write anything anymore that doesn't have a sequel.

Disclaimers: I don't own them, no money made, yada yada.

Authors Notes: It's so tempting when writing a Simon & Simon fic to have 'brother' in the title. I didn't want to do that, but I really couldn't think of anything else and, well, they are brothers and they do love each other and, well, there you go.

Summary: Rick gets drunk and makes a pass at AJ, and then passes out, leaving AJ to think about stuff.

Warnings: incest and m/m sex

Brotherly Love
by Tayla

He kissed me.

Okay, so he had been drinking. I didn't think that he was that drunk. I had to help him get from the car to the boat. He was leaning on me and every couple of steps he would hug me and say he loved me. That's okay, he's my brother, we're supposed to love each other. We don't often say it so that was a little strange, but hey, he was drunk. So I just said 'I love you too Rick,' and kept walking.

I got him into the boat and to his bedroom. I was about to ask him if he was okay from there, when he backed me up against the wall. I thought for a second that he tripped and shoved me accidentally, but then he was standing right in front of me with the strangest expression on his face.

And then he kissed me.

For a man who was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other, he sure had good aim with his mouth. I was shocked. Of course I was shocked. I had never in my life imagined Rick ever kissing me like that. He pulled away for a moment and looked in my eyes. He didn't seem all that drunk anymore. He said that he wanted me, that he had always wanted me.

Then he kissed me again.

I suppose I was starting to get over the shock because I tried to pull away, but I couldn't because he had one hand cradling the back of my head holding our mouths together.

His other hand was planted firmly on my ass, pulling me into him.

He was hard.

Oh god, he was so hard, and he was grinding into to me and thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I struggled harder to get away from him and I think I was making these little distressed whimpers in the back of my throat. Something got through to him because he suddenly released me and backed away, wide-eyed and shaking and whispering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". Then he turned and stumbled into his bathroom. I bolted for the door, but hesitated as I heard sounds of retching from the small room.

He is my brother. He had just attacked me and totally freaked me out, but he was still my brother.

So I went back in and eased the bathroom door open. He had managed to not make a total mess out of himself or the bathroom, but he had passed out and was lying half in the tub. I got him up over my shoulder in a fireman's hold and carried him out and dumped him on his bed. He was breathing all right and I didn't think there was any danger of him aspirating, so I left him where he fell. I don't think I could have handled undressing him right at that moment. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time he had passed out drunk and slept fully clothed.

Then I got the hell out of there.

************************

So I'm safe in my own bed trying to sleep. Yeah right. Like I'm going to be able to sleep after being assaulted by my brother.

Now I'm getting angry. How could he do that to me? How could he have possibly thought that I wanted that with him? How could he want that with me? We're brothers. Brothers aren't supposed to feel that way for each other.

My own thoughts echoing in my head brought me up short.

Brothers aren't supposed to feel that way for each other.

That's when I realized I was hard too. Still. I had noticed when I was at the boat backed up against the wall, but a man's body will react strangely in stressful situations.

But that doesn't explain why I'm hard now.

I can't help remembering the feel of him, pressed against me. His hard cock grinding against mine. And the taste of him, like bourbon and cigars and something undefined that was just Rick.

I wasn't struggling because I was disgusted. I was trying to run away because I was afraid. Afraid of unburying my feelings for him. Feelings that I think I've always had.

I remember back when I was a child. I was very young, maybe four or five, playing house with the girl down the street. Lord, I don't even remember her name. She said that she wanted to marry me when we grew up. I told her I couldn't marry her because I was going to marry Rick. I didn't understand why she laughed and called me stupid. Then she told me boys didn't marry
other boys, and besides, he was my brother.

I ran home crying and I never played with her again. My mother had asked me what I was so upset about, but I didn't tell her. Because that little girl had called me stupid and I didn't want my Mom to think I was stupid. I went upstairs and threw myself on the bed, still crying. Rick asked me what was wrong but I didn't tell him either. He just hugged me until I stopped crying.

He was only nine or ten at the time, but he took care of me, like he always did. He was never upset at me tagging along with him. He even seemed to like having me around.

And I certainly liked being around him. He was my big brother and I thought he was the best brother in the world. I was a little upset when I realized, thanks to my little playmate, that I couldn't marry him. But I still hung out with him as much as I could. I went to his football games, with my folks of course. Or at least Mom. Dad came whenever he wasn't stuck at work.

After Dad died, he became even more important to me. He tried to take over the role of father for me. He was only a teenager himself, and I know he missed out on doing some things with kids his own age so he could do things with me. He came to my little league games and my school plays, just like dad would have if he had been alive.

I was devastated when he joined the Marines and got sent to Vietnam. He told me that he was sorry, but it was something that he had to do. I was fifteen, I was old enough to take care of myself. But that didn't stop me from missing him and worrying about him and wishing he were around. I struggled through my junior and senior years without his support. It was hell but I got through it.

Then he was home and safe and our relationship took on a whole new dimension. We were both adults and I got to know my brother all over again.

Apparently I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. Because I never imagined that he would want me like that. I thought about that some more. I brought up all those feelings I had for Rick when I was a child. I still loved him as a brother, and my childhood would have been bleak without him.

But I'm not a kid anymore and there was nothing brotherly about what happened in Rick's bedroom. I reexamined my feelings for him from an adult viewpoint.

I wanted him to. Probably had for quite a while, but I had never let myself think about it. I guess it just took that little push from Rick to make me realize what was in my own heart.

I had been tossing and turning for four hours. I could see the sky beginning to lighten with false dawn. I wasn't going to be able to sleep until I talked to Rick.

************************

I'm standing in Rick's bedroom. I can hear the shower running and the clothes he wore yesterday are on the floor at the foot of the bed.

He's in the shower.

He's naked in the shower. Water streaming through his hair, down his chest, dripping from the end of his cock . . .

Oh god.

I don't think I want to talk anymore. I'm not sure what I want to do, but Rick probably has some good ideas.

I hear the water turn off and I pace for a few minutes waiting for him to come out. I turn to face the door as it opens.

He takes a few steps into the room before it registers that he's not alone. He stops dead in his tracks. Even if he smells better, he looks awful. His eyes are bloodshot, and the crows feet at the corners are more pronounced. He's staring at me, eyes all wide and . . . fearful. He's afraid of what I'm going to say, or do. I don't want him to be afraid of me, but I'm nervous so I'm standing with my arms folded over my chest. Really, I think I'm trying to keep myself from flying
apart, but I guess to him it looks stern and unforgiving.

His mouth is working like he's trying to say something and he takes a step towards me, but I hold up my hand and he stops immediately, a worried frown creasing his handsome features.

"I guess from the look on your face, that you remember what you did to me last night."

His frown deepens. "AJ . . ."

"Shhh."

He immediately falls silent, and I stare at him for a moment, trying to work up my courage. And then I whisper, "Do it again."


END PART 1