Title: The baton.

Author: philtre

Disclaimer: Not mine and all the more's the pity since I'm just *full* of ideas.

Category: Humour, Established Relationship.

Rating: G

Spoilers: Vague references throughout.

Players: Lex, Clark, Martha, Lana, Chloe, Jonathan, Lionel (the whole damn cast).

Summary: OmarG (the boss of me) said in his (outrageously hilarious) recap of Duplicity, '*I would love to see an episode where people just come in and out of Lex's office and he just gets flummoxed every time*.'

Author's note: My muses went into overdrive. The plot bunny does *not* belong to me. Oh, and canon be damned - the Magnificent Bastard (Lionel) is magnificent and not blind.

Feedback: Send your love my way.

Thank you: my angel of a beta, Kathryn. I lay claim to all the lingering mistakes.

The baton.

by philtre

"Lex!"

"Yeah?"

Lex looked up from his laptop. His eyes were burning from staring at the screen for hours. Ah, Clark. A sight for sore eyes if there ever was one. Except for that hideously over sized flannel shirt. Lex made a mental note to burn that shirt at the next available opportunity.

"I just wanted to drop by in case I didn't have any time before going back to Metropolis."

Lex circled the table and leaned against the back of a chair. "I'm so sorry I was working all weekend, but if I don't move fast on this..."

Clark promptly cut him off with a tender kiss, licking and nipping at his lips. Lex resisted the urge to purr as he molded his body against Clark's, relishing the gently massaging hands on his shoulders and neck. Clark could make any day seem like Christmas.

"I don't think I'm coming home next weekend. The 2nd floor at residence is having a floor party and Paula in 203 makes the most amazing Pina Coladas."

Clark was missing Lex's birthday for Pina Coladas? Lex wondered if it would be more satisfying to remind Clark that he had forgotten his birthday right then, or perhaps after. After definitely opened the possibilities of almost endless making up on Clark's part.

"Well, have fun then."

"Alright. I'll call you when I get back to Metropolis." A quick peck on the lips and Clark was out the door.

Lex picked up a bottle of Ty Nant, fingering the smooth glass as he frowned at the door. It seemed strange that Clark would forget his birthday. Clark never forgot anything. It was particularly odd considering that Clark had always made a big deal out of his birthday ever since they had started dating almost 4 years ago.

"I guess everyone has their off days," he muttered.

He sat down and tried concentrating on his report again. Two page-downs later, Martha strolled into his office.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Martha?"

He walked around the table to greet her and to relieve her of the box she had been carrying.

"Hi, Lex. Clark mentioned that you've been working really hard lately, so I brought you some cherry pie."

Martha loved mothering him, and with the likelihood of pie being part of that mothering, Lex would be a fool to object. Especially when the pie smelled this good.

"Thanks, Martha. You didn't have to."

"Why don't you have a slice now?"

Lex frowned a little, but supposed that a little pie break never hurt anyone. "Sure. I'll go get some plates..."

"That's okay. I have everything we need in here."

He watched as Martha unpacked the pie, a knife, two plates, and two forks.

"You're very...um...prepared."

"I'm a mother. Of course, I'm always prepared." She was cutting him an extremely huge slice. "Here you go, dear."

"Thanks."

They sat down on the couch as Lex dug into the pie. "This is outstanding, as usual."

"Thank you." Martha was sitting next to him, hands folded on her lap, watching Lex eat.

He swallowed uncomfortably. "Don't you want some pie too?"

"Oh, heaven's no. I've made so many of these that I'm quite sick of them."

Lex didn't know how one could become sick of pie, but he nodded anyway. Martha was still smiling serenely at him. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about, Martha?"

"No. I was just thinking that you need to come over for some home cooked food more often. You're too thin, dear." Martha reached out to touch his cheek.

Martha's cooking! "You're going to regret the invite, Martha. I just might start showing up every night." Lex laughed. He was half joking, okay, maybe slightly less than half.

"Well, you're always welcomed at the house."

Lex smiled, and proceeded to quickly finish off the rest of his pie, since it seemed as though Martha had every intention of watching him eat every last crumb. He stopped short as he sent a quick furtive glance at Martha. She wouldn't try to poison him, now would she? No. Jonathan maybe, but not Martha.

When he cleaned his plate, Martha reached out to grab the plate. "Another slice?"

"No. I'm good. I should really get back to...ah." He gestured at the mess on his table.

Martha sent him another in a long string of serene smiles. "Alright then. Why don't you come over for dinner on Wednesday?"

"Okay."

"I'll see you then, dear. Have more pie later, okay?" Martha gave him a quick kiss on his forehead.

"Bye." Lex watched as Martha left the room. Unusual that Martha would visit him, but at least he got some excellent pie out of the deal.

He sat down in front of his laptop again. The acid test ratio from the previous two years looked good, but he still wanted to check if the inventory quoted was liquefiable. Lex had just pulled up the right file when Lana came gliding in.

"Lana?"

"Hi, Lex. Are you busy?"

Lex glanced down at his table.

"It's about the Talon."

He gave her a grim smile. Five minutes, he told himself mentally. "What about the Talon?"

"I have these great ideas that I want to run by you."

"The Talon is yours to do whatever you want to." It was true. Lex couldn't care less about the place as long as it stayed in the black and had plenty of lattes whenever he wanted them.

"I wanted to talk to you about the renovations that you said we could do."

Lana looked so excited that Lex almost felt bad. "Can we do this another time? I really have to read this..." Lex felt like a world-class asshole as he watched Lana's crestfallen face. "Alright. Let's see what you got."

He strolled to the couch and sat down. Half an hour and two dozen sketches later, Lex was convinced that Lana had gone insane. Half the designs that she suggested would require more than 5 times the budget that he had allocated them, and the other half were frankly bordering on outlandish.

"So, what do you think?" Lana had the brightest smile on her face.

"Why don't you do what you think is best?" Lex was tired and he really didn't want to think.

Lana looked happy, placated. "Okay. I'll send you the final proposal once I have all the details figured out."

"Yeah. Do that." Standing up with the hopes that Lana would take a hint.

"You're amazing, Lex. Thanks." She grasped his arm in a friendly manner and gave him one last dazzling smile before drifting out of the room.

He had spent way too much time with Lana. His father would have a fit if he knew that Lex had barely waded through half the material he had sent to Lex.

"Uh, Lex?"

Who now? He turned to find Chloe smiling unsurely at the door. "What can I do for you, Chloe?"

"Sorry to bother you. Clark mentioned that you had a limited edition copy of Antony and Cleopatra with notes by Howard Bloom. I was wondering..."

"Yeah, sure." Lex fingered the spines on his bookcase, finally resting on a slim copy. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Chloe was smiling happily as she flipped through the book. As she started to look up at him, she stopped short. "Oh my God!" She pulled a book out excitedly. "I can't believe you have a first edition of The Old Man and The Sea. I *love* Hemmingway."

"Take it." Lex told himself that it wasn't because he liked seeing Chloe happy, but rather that he wanted to get rid off her.

"Are you sure?"

By the look in her eye, Lex was convinced that she had no intention of returning the book even if he wasn't sure.

"Of course I'm sure. In fact, keep both of them."

"Thanks, Lex. You're the best!" She gave him a quick kiss before turning on her heel and making a quick exit.

He sure was getting a lot of affection today. Lex rubbed his cheek subconsciously. What the hell was going on? No time to think about that.

"Lex!"

What the fuck? Was there a line outside his door?! He turned around with every intention of snarling at his visitor, and then stopped. Jonathan? It was never a good sign when Jonathan was at the mansion, but sure enough there he was. No shot gun in hand, that was good.

"Jonathan?" He would never get use to calling Clark's father Jonathan. "Is there something wrong?"

"I need to talk to you about the refinancing of our loan."

It was on the tip of his tongue, but Lex really didn't have it in him to kick Jonathan Kent out. Wuss. "Sure." For the hundredth time that day, he found himself on the couch.

"These are some of the numbers that I've been throwing around."

Jonathan spread what looked like an endless list of numbers and started explaining each entry with painful detail. Lex gritted his teeth and nodded occasionally, barely registering what Jonathan was saying by the time he got to the bottom line.

"What do you think?" Jonathan was looking up expectantly at him.

Fuck. "Ah. You know what, why don't you leave these with me and I'll have my accountant take a look at them?" Lex started gathering the papers as quickly as he could.

"Alright. That sounds good, son." Son? "Let me know what you decide."

"Uh, yeah. I will."

Did Jonathan Kent just thump his back? Lex was still frozen in place when he heard the door close. Something was going on and he'd be damn if he didn't find out.

Lex strode purposefully to door and threw it open, stumbling back when he found himself face to face with his father.

"Dad? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Milan."

"And what do you know - I'm not." His father swept into the room as he always did, gracefully sprawled onto the couch. "Get me a drink, Lex."

Lex walked wordlessly to the bar. His father never showed up without an agenda and Lex dreaded finding out what it was that time. Lex handed the drink to his father and frowned. His father looked way too happy, it was an omen of the apocalypse.

"Your standing offends me, Lex. Take a seat." Ever the commander.

He sat apprehensively next to his father. At least the couch was getting good use. "What can I do for you, Dad?"

"Can't a father just visit his son?"

Not when the father was Lionel Luthor. "Uh huh." He didn't bother keeping the suspicion out of his voice.

"Ah. This is very good scotch."

"Yes, it is." Pregnant pause. "As fun as this is, I still have to read through the material that you sent me about Cameron Industries."

"What Came...ah, yes." He could have sworn that his father had looked confused. "Is it a good investment?"

"Hostile takeover." Something smelled fishy, and he was sure that he had changed his socks that morning.

"That's what I meant." His father looked guilty. Lex wasn't even aware that guilt was in Lionel Luthor's emotional lexicon.

"What's going on, Dad?"

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Really?" Lex started walking towards the door.

"Lex." He turned around to see his father scrambling to his feet. "Um. How is that Kent boy?"

His father was asking him about Clark?! Now he *knew* for a fact that something was going on. He flung the door open, glancing up and down the hallway. Then followed what sounded like people talking excitedly. He could hear his father trying to catch up with him.

Finally, he stopped in front of the ballroom, tilted his head at his father rushing down the hallway and opened the door.

A huge banner with the words 'Happy birthday, Lex' hung precariously against the wall. What the fuck?! He could feel at least fifty sets of eyes staring at him.

"Lex! What are you doing here?" Clark was running across the hall, eyes widened.

"I...uh...what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Clark. I tried to distract him."

Clark sent Lex's father an accusatory glare, then softened at the obvious apology on his father's face. His father was picking up emotions at an alarming speed. Impressive. "That's alright, Lionel." Then turned back to Lex with a bright smile. "Well, I guess - surprise!"

Lex frowned as he heard smatterings of 'surprise' from behind Clark. "My birthday isn't until next week."

"Yes, I know. But if we had done it next week, you would have totally guessed." Clark was beaming.

"Okay." Lex couldn't help breaking into a smile. The most inane things made absolute sense coming from Clark's mouth. Clark grinned back at him. There was something hopelessly endearing about a happy Clark.

"Happy birthday." Clark pulled Lex into a warm embrace.

***

"I can't believe you got your parents and my dad in on the rouse." Lex and Clark were standing on the balcony overlooking the ballroom, watching the last of the guests dance to Aerosmith's Lay It Down.

"Believe me, I was flabbergasted. They actually *volunteered*."

"You're joking! I can't get over the fact that my father made me read through pages and pages of information on a bogus company."

"Lana said that at one point you looked as though you were going to poke out your own eyes."

Lex laughed. "She's perceptive, that one."

Clark smiled easily as he grabbed Lex's shirt and pulled him closer. "You know you made Chloe really happy by giving her that Hemmingway."

"I'm glad she liked it."

"Liked it? She *loved* it. I think she wants to marry you."

"That's good." Lex would be happy to spend the rest of his life in Clark's arms.

"So, did you have fun tonight?"

"I had an amazing time." Lex leaned in to kiss Clark lightly, then pulled back. "Are you really not coming back next weekend?"

"Of course I'm coming back." Clark was trembling with laughter. "But that will be a very..." Kiss. "...*private* celebration."

***