Title: Aftermath

Author: Shelly

Fandom Smallville

Pairing: Lex/Clark

Author's Notes: This is about the aftermath of JITTERS.

Rating: NC17 possible but not likely in this one.

spoilers: Spoilers always possible.

Archive: May be archived anywhere.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters..I just mess with them.

AFTERMATH

by Shelly
****************

Clark dropped off Lex's produce then turned to head back to the truck. Lex was his last delivery for the day and Clark didn't have to rush home. Normally he would have gone inside to at least say *Hi* to Lex, but today he didn't want to be chummy. Clark just wanted to be alone.

"Going so soon," a soft voice drawled.

"Hi, Lex," Clark replied, hiding a wince as he turned around to face his friend.

Lex studied Clark for a moment, noting that the boy's usually bright persona was rather dark today. The full lips were curved into a frown and Clark's amazing eyes glittered with shadows. "What's wrong?" Lex asked, inviting Clark to talk about it.

Clark sighed then forced a smile. "Nothing," he lied, and knew that he lied badly.

"Talk to me, Clark," Lex prompted, as he reached out and snagged the boy's elbow, leading him inside. Took Clark into his play room and handed him a bottle of Ty Nant. "I'm a good listener."

"It really is nothing," Clark insisted, as he twisted open the bottle top. He let silence hang between them as he took a sip then braved a look at Lex. The older boy was staring at him, intently. Almost as if he could see inside of Clark. Sighing again, Clark replied, "I'm just kinda..bummed."

Lex felt a surge of relief for he suddenly could guess why Clark was depressed. "Does your mood have something to do with your, impromptu, party the other night?"

Clark nodded. "I'm grounded...for two months," he replied. "I understand why they're upset and all, but two months is nuts! I cleaned everything up and I'm going to pay for all the broken dishes..not like that should matter since my Mom was planning on getting new ones next week anyway." Clark felt the dam inside him burst and he babbled on, not even caring if Lex was listening. He needed to vent and the party was an outlet for all the anger and confusion and pain that danced inside him. "Now they keep harping on me about trust issues and being responsible, and telling me that I'm not old enough or mature enough to handle things. They treat me like I was a five year old. Do I look like a five year old to you?" Clark asked of Lex, singling the older man out in this moment. Needing an answer, only he didn't wait for one, Clark simply rambled on. "Hell no!" he cursed. "I don't even look like a fifteen year old. They work me like an adult so they should have the decency to treat me like one!" Clark's anger wrapped itself around him like a vice and he had to clench his hands into fists to keep from lashing out and destroying something. "Sometimes I wish my real parents would appear and take me away!" Clark blurted out. And, for his efforts, he received a hard slap across the face.

Gasping in surprise, Clark glared at Lex. "Why did you do that?" Clark demanded, one hand lifting to touch his cheek. The slap hadn't hurt but it sure got his attention. And never in a million years would Clark have thought that Lex would ever hit him.

"I did that to try and *slap* some sense into you, Clark," Lex, calmly, replied. "Do you realize how ungrateful you sound right now? You should get down on your knees and thank God, every day, for giving you Parent's like the Kent's. For all you know, Clark, your real parents could be real bastards. But the Kent's love you...no matter what. Be grateful for that, Clark. And be careful what you wish for." Lex broke off at this point, hating himself for lecturing the boy, and hating himself for being near tears. God what he wouldn't have given to have a family like Clark's. But Lex had Satan for a Father. Or, at the very least, one of Satan's minions. At times Lex swore that Lionel Luther was the Devil's right hand man.

"You're right," Clark whispered, feeling ashamed. But he was still angry and it was because Lex didn't understand why he felt the way he did. Why he was angry at the Kents. "My parents are wonderful, Lex and I do love them. And I know they love me. But they won't let me grow up. They don't understand me...no one does. No one can..or ever will."

Lex frowned as he listened to Clark, seeing an abject sorrow glistening in the boy's hazel eyes. "What do you mean, Clark?" Lex prompted. "What don't they understand?"

Clark blink back a rush of sudden tears and shook his head. "Sometimes it hurts to care about people," he replied. "To love them when you know you're going to lose them."

"You'll never lose your parents, Clark," Lex stated, emphatically. "I mean...they'll die someday, but so will we all. For all you know they just might outlive you. It happens. Like with me..I should have died that day on the Bridge, but fate intervened."

"I know all about fate!" Clark snarled, feeling a tear slide down his face. He turned his back to Lex and wiped at his eyes with one shirtsleeve. "I know what my destiny is. I'm going to be alone, Lex! Alone!" The last word broke on a sob and Clark fell to his knees.

Lex was beside him in an instant, gathering Clark into his arms and letting him weep. "Clark..you, of all people, will never be alone," Lex replied. "You have friends and wonderful parents. And once you get past being all shy and awkward, you're going to have women falling at your feet. Trust me on that one. There is something special about you, Clark," Lex continued, holding on tight as the boy trembled violently. "Something...unique."

Clark swallowed back a sob and tried to stop his tears, but the burned down his face. "I'm different.." he whispered. "Different in a way that means I can never be normal! I would be give anything...to be..normal."

"What's so great about normal?" Lex countered, and he was starting to worry now. Clark was still shaking and Lex could hear a rising hysteria in Clark's tone. The boy was losing it. Something was scaring Clark, something dark. "Normal is hard to define, Clark," Lex continued. "It depends on the situation and people involved. You have what passes for..normal..in my eyes. A nice home, a wonderful family, good friends."

"It's all an illusion.." Clark whispered. "A lie. I'm a lie!" In this moment, Clark desperately wanted to tell Lex the truth. And, had it been his secret alone, he would have. But Clark couldn't put his parents at risk, even though a part of him blamed him for all of this. The part of him that was confused and aching with fear.

Lex eased back so he could cup Clark's face in his hands. Even with his eyes red from weeping and his face wet, Clark was beautiful. Surreally so. "What about you is a lie?" Lex queried. "Tell me."

Clark closed his eyes. "I can't," he breathed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lex. For everything." All the guilt that was bottled up inside of Clark came rushing out. He shook with the intensity of it, feeling as if his even his bones would break from it. His Father had told Clark there was nothing he could do to make this feeling go away, but that it was what made him human. For once, Clark wanted to be anything but. "God..I wish I was dead.." Clark whispered.

"Don't say that!" Lex hissed, his body going taut with suprise and fear. He could tell Clark meant it and that terrified him. There had been times in his life when Lex had wished the same thing, but with him it was different. Clark was the exception to all rules. He was goodness and innocence and purity personified. Deep down Lex believed that there should be some holy edict proclaiming that people like Clark Kent should be immortalized at birth. The Clark Kent's of the world should live forever. "This world needs you, Clark. Don't ever wish you were dead. You hear me?" Lex tone was harsh and he almost shook Clark to emphasize his words.

"I don't want to be alone.." Clark whispered.

Lex watched another tear slide down Clark's face and suddenly he understood what the boy feared. All his life Lex had been alone. Even in a crowded room he was alone because there was not one single person in his life who was more to him than an aquaintance. No one, real, friend. And Lex had made it that way. Had hardened his heart at an early age after realizing that everyone, at some point, would betray him. Everyone...except Clark. That sudden realization startled Lex. And made him realize just how fine the line was between love and hate. "You won't be alone, Clark," Lex replied. "I promise."

Clark almost called Lex a liar, but then he remembered Cassandra's vision. None of the gravestones had had Lex's name on them. Maybe it was true. Maybe Lex had been right that day when Clark had returned the truck. Lex had proclaimed that they had a future together. Clark wanted to believe him. "I'm sorry," Clark whispered again, wishing he could tell Lex why.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Clark," Lex responded. He hugged Clark again, feeling the boy's trembling ease. "You believe me, don't you?" Lex prompted, after a long moment of silence had stretched out between them. "About not being alone."

"I believe you," Clark whispered, as he snuggled deeper into Lex's arms. He felt safe here, and protected. It should have been odd since Lex was smaller than he was, obviously not as strong, and didn't seem at all to be the nuturing type. But Clark didn't question any of that. He just wanted to feel safe.

Clark's three words were like music to Lex's ears. He had said the same thing on the catwalk at the Plant, believing that Lex hadn't know about Level three. And before that Clark had let Lex know that he never once believed him to have robbed the local bank, when the rest of the world would have. And now Clark Kent trusted him to keep his word and Lex would do that, no matter what the cost. Shifting Clark a bit in his arms, Lex did something he had been dying to do since the day Clark saved his life at the bridge. He curled the fingers of one hand in the boy's thick hair, then bent his head to steal a kiss.

After a moment of surprise at the feel of Lex's mouth on his, Clark gave himself up to the kiss. He knew it was Lex's way of cementing his promise. Yet it was more than that and held the promise of things to come. Clark was innocent in many ways, but not Naive. He knew that Lex wanted him him in a physical sense and a part of Clark wanted Lex too. Needed him. For a part of Clark wanted to believe that once he became one with Lex, he would never be alone again.

THE END