Title: Love Is

Author: Hergerbabe

Feedback at: hergerbabe@yahoo.co.uk

Fandom: Smallville

Sequel/Series: no, well I don’t think so

Pairing: Lex/Clark

Rating: NC-17

Category: angst, first time, romance

Archive: list archive

Notes: The quote is Antiphanes

Warnings: hard drug use

Disclaimer: not mine

Summary: Lex gets drunk, with some not so pleasant consequences

Love Is
by Hergerbabe

Staring into his glass, Lex frowned in confusion. How much had he drunk? And why exactly had he been drinking in the first place? Lex closed his eyes, swallowing hard as bile rose in his throat, oh yeah, Clark. When was the reason for him getting drunk anything else nowadays?

Or more specifically, Clark’s feelings for Lana, and now Chloe too, and God, shouldn’t he be a little less concerned about the crushes of a teenage boy? Lex felt his lips curl up in a sneer in an oddly detached way, like he wasn’t really in his body. Now that was a feeling that had become unfamiliar lately.

More teenage boy influence. And what was the point, really? That teenage boy was torn between two lovely girls, both of whom liked him back. He was never going to be more than the older friend/big brother figure he’d been playing.

Well, fuck it. Who the fuck cared? Why the fuck should he worry about what anyone else thought about him? Everyone always just assumed the worst of him anyway, Clark would learn soon enough, to do the same. At least Lex could do something to drown it all out, fuck his father, fuck the consequences and most of all fuck Clark!

Clark, with his trust and his friendship. What did that give him? Where did that leave him? Fuck it all.

Dragging himself to his feet, Lex lurched unsteadily out of the room and down to his lab, giggling a little at the blurry quality of his vision. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to get this trashed. But he wanted more, he wanted this pain, this raw, hollow aching gone.

Down in the basement was his secret, his lab, where he kept up with his experiments, most started while he was in college, interrupted abruptly by his father and LuthorCorp. But his lab was mostly his way of making sure he only took the best. After all, what was a better guarantee than making the shit yourself?

Somehow, he managed to light one of his Bunsen burners and wandered carefully over to his safe. Now, what was the code again? Oh yeah, Lex laughed bitterly, ‘flying’, how incredibly sentimental. He really should remember, he didn’t do that anymore, sentiments were for losers.

Lex nodded sagely to himself and opened the safe, sorting through various baggies of powder and pills. Hmm, what to choose, what to choose. His cell rang and he frowned, damned interruptions.

"What?!" he yelled, "Yeah, actually I am, fuck off." He threw the phone across the room and turned his attention back to the safe, pulling out one of the smallest bags, the really good stuff. Heading back to the burner, Lex snatched up the remote and started some loud music, swaying slightly.

He cooked up quickly and drew the liquid up into a syringe with practised ease. Strapping on a tourniquet, Lex managed somehow to grab the end with his teeth to tighten it. Then he stared at his arm, blinking, before slapping it and laughing again.

The needle slid in so easily, like a fish through water and he hissed at the expected flash of pain. The plunger depressed and he watched the milky liquid disappear into his body, could almost feel the heroin combine with his blood and rush towards his heart, ready to be pumped out to every cell in his body.

Lex pulled off the tourniquet and hurled the syringe across the room, sinking slowly to the ground. He took a deep, rasping breath and his eyelids fluttered closed as the pleasure hit, the sheer, all-consuming, life-erasing pleasure. He was floating now, breath coming in short pants.

Lex couldn’t even move or frown when he realised it was getting progressively more difficult to breathe, except really he didn’t care, because he was floating and nothing mattered. Definitely not the sight of Clark peering over him, worried expression suddenly turning frantic. Lex laughed before everything went dark.

Part 2

So he was moping, so what? Wasn’t that what teenagers were supposed to do? Of course, Clark wasn’t sure if that was what he was supposed to do. Sighing, he sat down, pacing wasn’t helping.

The problem was he wasn’t moping about what he thought maybe he should be, or what he’d expected. Things were weird with both Chloe and Lana; he really, really liked them both, but at the moment, that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was Lex. The way Lex had looked at him for a brief second when he’d admitted he liked Chloe too. Had he been imagining that flash of pain that had almost instantly disappeared? And why did it make him feel so weird… bad?

He hadn’t seen Lex since then and that somehow made him feel worse. Lex was his friend too, but not like Chloe and Lana, right?

Clutching his head between his hands, Clark sighed. He just wasn’t so sure anymore. Not since seeing that pain, not since he’d suddenly become aware that maybe Lex felt more than he was letting on. And Clark really didn’t know how that made him feel or where it left him and Lex.

Where was Lex anyway? Clark was starting to wonder if he was avoiding him. And if he was, what then? Clark was startled by the amount of pain that thought caused him.

"Have to talk to him," he muttered and ran back to the house. His parents looked startled, so he flashed them a quick grin, before grabbing the phone and racing to his room. Lying on the bed, he dialled Lex’s cell.

"What?!"

The yell startled him, "Uh, Lex? I’m sorry, are you busy?"

"Yes," Lex slurred, "Actually I am, fuck off."

Clark’s eyes widened with hurt and then there was a clatter followed by a blast of music from the other end of the line. Clark stared at the phone. Something was wrong, really wrong. Even drunk, Lex had never, would never tell him to fuck off.

He dropped the phone and bit his lip. Should he go over? His friend sounded so… so not Lex. He had to. Clark got up and went back downstairs.

"Mom, Dad, I’m just going to Lex’s, there’s something wrong."

"And that’s your problem why?" his father raised an eyebrow.

"Dad!" Clark frowned, resisting the urge to shout, "He’s my friend." He didn’t wait for a reply, running out of the house and speeding to the castle.

The first place he looked was Lex’s office, then the sitting room, Lex’s bedroom and finally the kitchen. In desperation, Clark scanned the whole house. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Lex in the basement, on the floor.

Running down, he stopped in horror, taking in the burner, bag of powder, the syringe in the corner of the room, and worst of all the drop of blood making its way down Lex’s elbow.

Lex was struggling for breath, but it didn’t stop him laughing when he saw Clark.

"Lex!" He tried not to panic but he could feel his brain melting down and his heart stopping as his best friend stopped breathing. "Lex, God, Lex, shit," he whimpered.

Breathing in deeply, Clark managed to calm himself enough to check Lex’s heart. It wasn’t beating. Panicking again, Clark looked round frantically. "Can’t die, mustn’t die. God, oh God, what do I do?"

Seeing the open safe, he ran to it, breath hitching painfully in relief when he saw the adrenaline.

Speeding back to Lex, he ripped open his shirt and stabbed the syringe hard into his chest. He tried to use his X-ray sight to see Lex’s heart, but tears were blurring his eyes and he couldn’t control it.

With a huge gasping breath, Lex’s eyes flew open. Clark didn’t even pause, he pulled his friend into his arms, grabbed the bag of powder and speed ran to the hospital.

Part 3

Groaning quietly, Lex forced his eyes open. He had the hangover from hell and he couldn’t for the life of him remember what had happened. Frowning, Lex realised he wasn’t at home and he sat up. Hospital, shit! What the fuck had happened?

Sharp pain forced him back down and he groaned more loudly. His chest ached which was odd and Lex pushed aside the robe, staring in shock at the bruise over his heart. What the hell… with a resigned sigh, Lex checked his arm.

"Damn it!" he swore. What had possessed him to shoot up? And how had he ended up at hospital in Metropolis? Before he could make a move to call for a nurse, the door opened and a doctor walked in.

"Will," Lex’s eyes narrowed. Just great, one of his ex’s and one of his father’s pet lackeys.

"Hello, Lex," Will raised an eyebrow, "You’ve been a naughty boy."

"Oh fuck off," Lex growled, "Just tell me what happened?"

"You OD’d, good stuff too, very pure," Will snorted, "You’re lucky the kid that found you had the presence of mind to give you adrenaline and bring you straight here."

"Clark?" Lex gasped. Oh God, no! Clark hadn’t seen him like that, had he? Oh fuck.

"I think that was his name, yes," Will nodded.

"Can I see him?" Lex asked quietly.

"Well, you could… if he was still here. He left as soon as we told him you’d pull through. Man, was he pissed with you!" Will smirked, "He your boytoy of the week?"

Lex just managed to keep his features neutral, "No, Will, in case you hadn’t noticed, boy would be the operative word."

Will snorted, "Whatever you say, Lex, whatever you say." The doctor strode towards the door and then paused, turning to look at Lex with a delighted and smug grin, "Oh, by the way, your boytoy said not to call him when you get back to Smalltown."

"Smallville," Lex ground out in an effort not to either kill Will, or just give up and cry at the thought of Clark being that mad at him.

"Whatever," Will chuckled, "See ya, Lex."

"Not likely," Lex whispered. He clutched at the blanket despairingly. What was he going to do? He couldn’t apologise to Clark without explaining, and really there was no way to explain, not without revealing far too much. But shit, he was going to lose Clark anyway, if he didn’t do *something*. What the fuck was he going to do?

Part 4

Try as he might, Clark just couldn’t relax, couldn’t calm down. He was completely agitated, and it showed. His parents kept asking him what was wrong, and he couldn’t tell them because he wasn’t entirely sure…

Okay, so he was sure. But seeing Lex like that, not breathing on the edge of death, and self inflicted, that was more than he could take. Clark just couldn’t bear the thought of not having Lex in his life and it had hit him harder than he’d have ever thought before. No Lex… he might have just curled up and died.

It hurt so much he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Every second, his mind turned back to Lex’s face, pale, peaceful, and he wanted to scream, cry, hit something… it just hurt. And he was so angry. How could Lex do something like that… how could he?! Didn’t he know…

Well, how could he know, when Clark hadn’t even known. But he still would have been leaving his best friend behind, and Clark would never have had the chance to tell Lex that he loved him too.

Because now he knew, Clark understood the look in Lex’s eyes that had worried him so much, understood that Lex actually loved him. Knowing that made him feel slightly sick yet completely elated. But what was he going to do about it? He couldn’t see Lex right now, he was too angry, might even be tempted to kill him himself, but he was so worried too, would Lex remember anything, would he recover okay, would he come round despite the message not to bother?

Clark couldn’t help, deep down, hoping that he would. He still loved and needed Lex, no matter how hurt and angry he was. He wanted to shout at him, shake him. Tell him that if he ever did something so stupid again, he’d kill him. He wanted to hold him, kiss him, reassure him that he wasn’t alone, that he was loved.

But it was up to Lex; Lex was going to have to come to him, apologise and explain damn well before Clark could really forgive him.

Part 5

Lex stared at the bar for a long moment, before squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. No! He was not going to get drunk again. That was the reason he was in this mess, that *he* was this mess.

He'd been released from hospital pretty quickly and managed to avoid actually having to speak to his father face to face, which was a relief, although the confrontation had still been pretty draining.

Lex had tried to contact Clark immediately, to try and exlain, apologise, *something*, but his phonecalls were refused. If Clark answered, he simply put the phone down. Jonathan Kent told him where he could go with obvious relish, Martha Kent at least sounded sorry when she told him Clark wouldn't speak to him. Lex found himself hoping Clark would pick up so that he at least got to hear his voice. God, he was so pathetic, but he didn't even care anymore.

Town was worse though. If Clark saw him, he turned and walked the other way. Lex had taken it at first, until the pain had gotten too much and he'd run after his friend, called out for him, regardless of the curious eyes and ears. But Clark had disappeared, he disappeared every time Lex ran after him.

Lex never could have imagined how much it would kill him inside, not to have Clark's friendship, not to see that brilliant smile directed at him, not to be able to feel the warmth of his company. He missed it with a tangible ache.

So, that was how he, Lex Luthor, who had just about everything he wanted, and some things he didn't, had ended up sitting, half naked, on the floor of his bedroom, arms wrapped round his legs as he rocked, trying so hard not to cry, trying to pretend the Clark-shaped hole inside him hadn't grown so much that there was nothing left but need.

"Clark," he whispered, "I'm sorry, Clark."

Part 6

He wasn't sure how he'd ended up outside the Luthor mansion, but Clark was kind of glad. Even though he'd sworn to himself that Lex would have to make one hell of an effort before he forgave him. The only trouble with that had been, that Clark had barely seen or spoken to Lex in over two weeks, and he missed him. God, he missed him so much, it hurt. It almost hurt more to be without his friendship, company, that smile Clark just *knew* only he saw, than it had to see Lex in the hospital.

Clark knew he'd already forgiven his friend; how could he not? He loved him... God, so much. But he hadn't been ready to talk to Lex before now, even though it had nearly killed him not to. Putting the phone down had been easy... well, not easy at all really, but easy compared with turning and walking away when he saw Lex, when he had to close his ears to the sound of his best friend calling to him, an edge of desperation in his voice.

But, he couldn't take it any longer, he needed Lex, needed him to know that he loved him too. Clark gazed through the open french windows of Lex's room, heart breaking a little at the sight of his normally strong friend rocking himself on the floor, eyes shining and red rimmed, face a little gaunt.

"Clark."

Clark jumped at Lex's whisper.

"I'm sorry, Clark."

Clark's chest tightened painfully and his breath hitched. He walked silently into the room and knelt down beside the smaller man. "I know, Lex," he whispered.

Part 7

For a split second, Lex thought he might be dreaming. The warm presence next to him, the whispered words, "I know, Lex.", the hand that gently squeezed his shoulder.

"Clark?" he whispered.

"It's okay, I'm really here," Clark smiled softly.

Lex, somehow, managed not to launch himself into his friend's arms, instead, he closed his eyes again. "Why did you come?"

"Because I'm not angry any more."

Lex swallowed in relief. "Why did you come that night?" He still wasn't entirely sure what had happened.

"Because I was worried." Clark shifted beside Lex and strong arms wrapped round him, pulling him back against a solid chest. Lex barely held back the contented sigh.

"Why?" Lex whispered.

"I phoned you, you told me to fuck off..."

"I did what?!" Lex exclaimed, "I would never..."

"I know, Lex," Clark interrupted him, "That's why I was worried. You've never gotten *really* drunk before," Lex snorted and the arms round his chest tightened briefly, "Something was wrong, I just knew it."

"You knew I was drunk, yet you came over anyway?" Lex asked in surprise.

"I always know when you're drunk, even when you try to hide it," Clark replied softly.

Lex sighed ruefully. "Two things a man cannot hide, when he is drunk and..." Lex stopped abruptly, eyes widening in horror as he realised what he'd nearly said.

"And when he is in love," Clark finished the quote in a whisper.

"Fuck!" Lex squeezed his eyes shut again and tried to pull away, after all this, he was going to lose Clark anyway. "No," he breathed, "You weren't supposed to know."

Part 8

"Why not?"

Lex just shook his head, body trembling in Clark's arms.

"Why not, Lex?" Clark repeated gently.

Lex's breath hitched and he was obviously fighting for control. Clark's chest tightened and he swallowed, trying not to give into the urge to just kiss his friend until everything was better. It just didn't work like that.

They needed to talk first, Lex needed to know that what he'd done was unacceptable, that there would be no second chances, because Clark *knew* he couldn't survive that kind of pain again.

"I can't..." Lex started, "I couldn't lose you, Clark. I know you could never feel the same way, but I needed you to at least be my friend, be in my life."

Clark licked his lips and frowned, "What made you think I could never feel the same way?"

Lex laughed bitterly, "Two words, Clark... Chloe and Lana. Why so you think I ended up *that* drunk in the first place?"

Clark stiffened, "You can't do that, Jesus!"

"What?" Lex's voice was cautious.

Clark had to take a deep breath, he was so angry again. He shifted Lex round in his arms and gripped his chin. "You. Don't. *Ever*! Endanger yourself because of me! Do you get me?" Lex's eyes widened in shock and he nodded.

Clark continued regardless, "You can't self-destruct over me, I'm not worth it. Fuck, Lex! If anything happened..." Clark's chest and throat constricted painfully and his eyes stung, "If anything... happened to you..."

Part 9

Clark let go of his chin and dropped his head on Lex's shoulder as his voice broke on a sob. Lex blinked, eyes widening further. Then he wrapped himself round Clark's shuddering body and held tight. Could it really be? Was he hearing right?

"Clark, I'm sorry," he whispered, "You know I would never hurt you, don't you?"

"Do I?" Clark's words were muffled by tears and Lex's shirt.

"Yeah, you do." Lex gently lifted Clark's head until they were looking into each others' eyes, "I love you, Clark. I swear, whatever it takes for you to forgive me, I'll do it. No more drugs, no more drink... hell, I'll even stick to the speed limit."

Clark laughed a little at that, sniffing and blinking away tears, "Promise?"

"Yeah, Clark, I promise." Lex licked his lips nervously.

"I already forgave you, Lex, but I won't do it again, do you understand that?" Clark asked him quietly.

"Yes," Lex answered seriously, nodding.

"Good," Clark whispered, "And I love you too, Lex."

Lex shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, tightening his hold on his friend.

"There's just one more thing, Lex."

Lex stiffened.

Part 10

Clark felt the tension in Lex’s body, but forged on anyway. He had to clear the air, he just couldn’t lie to his best friend anymore, especially after what they’d just shared.

"There’s things we need to talk about," Clark sighed, "I can’t… there can’t be all these secrets, *lies* between us, Lex. I need to…"

"Oh Christ, Clark," Lex suddenly interrupted him, his voice tense and choked, "I know and I’m so sorry."

It was Clark’s turn to stiffen. He’d meant on his part. "Lex?" he asked quietly.

"I didn’t want to lie to you, Clark," Lex continued, seemingly not noticing that Clark was barely breathing.

"About what?" Clark asked in a low growl.

"Hamilton," Lex whispered. Clark sucked in a hitching breath and pulled away from his friend.

"Hamilton?!" Clark felt his jaw clench in anger, "You… he…"

"He is working for me," Lex had his head down, his voice muffled. "I didn’t know he was going to bring those flowers back, Clark, I swear, but I did know he was researching the meteor rock, I’ve been funding his research."

"You lied to me," Clark gasped, pain hitting him forcefully, "Point blank, to my face, lied?!"

Lex looked up again, steel suddenly back in his eyes, a flash of anger lighting them, "And you haven’t?"

The anger faded in a rush, because of course he had. Clark had been down right horrible to Lex when he’d lost his powers to Eric, lied to his face so many times. He looked away. "Yes," he whispered, "I have."

Lex seemed to relax slightly and he nodded, "I know. Do you know how much that hurt? That you didn’t trust me."

"Like you trusted me?" Clark snorted.

"Your father nearly died, your best friend could have died! Fucking hell, Clark, how could I tell you that essentially, it was *my* fault?!" Lex pulled away completely, turning his back and wrapping his arms round his legs.

"Lex," Clark said softly, "You’re my best friend, and you nearly died too, remember?"

Lex sighed loudly, his head dropping to his knees, "It would have been my own fault."

"No!" Clark exclaimed in horror, "How can you say that? You can’t take responsibility for another man’s actions."

"Without my money, it would never have happened, Clark," Lex replied quietly.

"You don’t know that. Hamilton has been researching the rocks for years," Clark pointed out, reaching out briefly towards Lex before pulling his hand back.

"Clark?"

"What?"

"You don’t sound very angry," Lex whispered, a note of hope in his voice.

"I’m angry that you lied to me," Clark sighed, "But I can’t blame you for what happened if that’s what you’re thinking. Why, Lex? Why didn’t you just tell me?"

Part 11

"Lots of reasons," Lex sighed, turning back to face Clark. He couldn’t read his friend’s expression and that worried him. Half of him wished he hadn’t said anything, let Clark finish what he was going to say, before making assumptions and jumping in. But the rest of him knew that if this didn’t come out now, he could really lose Clark, if he hadn’t already.

"I wanted to know why. Why the meteor rocks affect people, what happened to me, what happened to you. You can’t deny, Clark, that they affect you too."

Clark nodded, but his lips tightened as if he was trying not to say something. Lex frowned, but continued.

"I didn’t want to tell anyone, because it may all come to nothing," Lex looked skywards, "Then there’s the small matter of the embezzling…"

"Embezzling?" Clark interrupted him with a shocked look.

Lex sighed and nodded, "You think I’d be able to get the funds for this through normal channels? My father doesn’t give a rat’s ass for the meteor rocks and I’m not about to draw his attention to the fact that they *do* things, especially as they involve you too. I will not have you put in that kind of danger, Clark."

Clark was frowning at him, eyes thoughtful, but still mostly unreadable. "So you’re stealing from him?" Lex nodded. "And you don’t think when he finds out, he’s going to be *very* interested?"

"He won’t find out," Lex met Clark’s disbelieving gaze, "He won’t, I’ve made sure of that." Lex sighed again, "Clark, how could I tell you I had anything to do with what happened to your father and Pete? I couldn’t risk losing your friendship, okay?"

"You nearly did anyway, Lex," Clark shook his head. "All this," he waved a hand generally, "All this lying and… God, who am I to talk?" Clark sighed. "You know I’ve lied to you, but it’s not what you think, Lex. I’m not a meteor mutant."

Lex felt his chest constrict painfully and he had to count to ten before he could speak. "Right," he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. If Clark wanted to keep on lying to him, what the hell could he do about it? "Fine, never mind. Go away, Clark."

"No." Clark gripped his arm suddenly, painfully.

"I said, go away, Clark!" Lex snapped, trying to wrench his arm away, "Just leave, I can’t take anymore lies from you, not from you."

"No," Clark said again, more forcefully, "For God’s sake, Lex, will you just listen to me, I’m not going to lie."

"You just did," Lex whispered.

"No, I didn’t."

Lex opened his eyes and glared at Clark, "You just told me you weren’t a meteor mutant, Clark, how can you expect me to believe that?!"

"I…" Clark sighed, letting go of his arm, "Lex, I don’t really expect you to believe me at all, but I will tell you the truth."

The note of sadness bordering on despair, Lex found more painful than the thought of Clark lying to him, and he moved back next to his friend, putting an arm round him.

"Why don’t you just tell me, Clark?" he whispered softly.

Part 12

Clark lay his head on Lex’s shoulder, taking strength and comfort from his friend’s embrace.

"Yes, the rocks affect me, and yes, I can do things normal humans can’t. You know all that, I realise, if you think I’m a meteor mutant. But you see I’m not," Clark lifted his head to press his face against Lex’s neck, he wanted somehow to relieve the tension in the smaller man’s body. Lex still thought he was lying and Clark couldn’t bear to hurt him. When he felt the shudder course through Lex’s body, he continued.

"I can’t be a meteor mutant because… well, because I’m not human." Biting his lip, Clark waited for a reaction. He got nothing. "Lex?"

Lex went limp suddenly and fell backwards, away from Clark. Terrified, Clark leant over him, "Lex?!"

Lex stared at him blankly, then out of nowhere he started to laugh, "N-not human? Not human, h-how? Like as in you’re a dog, what? Come *on*, Clark."

Clark blinked in shock, this wasn’t really what he’d expected. Lex either hadn’t made the connection, or he thought Clark was still lying, that it was too preposterous. The laughter was starting to get hysterical and tears were rolling down Lex’s cheeks.

"Fuck off, Clark, just fuck off."

"Lex…"

Lex sat up again, sobering completely. He shook his head, "I said fuck off. No more, Clark, I spilled my guts to you. If you had any idea how that went against the grain, how fucking hard it was for me…"

Clark glared at him, furious again, like this wasn’t hard for him?! "Shut up," he growled.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said shut up. You want to talk hard? Hard is growing up like a freak, but still thinking you’re human, then one day getting hit by a fucking car and walking away. Hard is finding out that your parents have been lying to you for twelve years. Hard is finding out that you’re not just a freak but an alien. I’m not human, Lex, okay?!"

Almost blinded by hurt rage, Clark stood up, dragging Lex to his feet and shaking him.

"You try living with a secret like that. You try living with the fact that you are responsible for every bit of pain those rocks have caused. You try living in constant terror that someone’s going to find out and take me away from my home, from my parents. You try lying to everyone you love." Clark’s voice broke on a sob and he let go of Lex, barely registering the other man stumbling backwards and nearly falling.

Sinking to the floor, Clark squeezed his eyes shut. "That’s hard," he whispered.

Clark almost didn’t notice the arms slipping round him until he was pulled firmly against Lex’s body and a gentle kiss was pressed to his forehead. He wanted to pull away, but he couldn’t. Clark wrapped his arms round Lex in return and buried his face in his neck.

"I’m sorry, Clark. God, I’m so sorry," Lex whispered into his hair, "You’re right, I didn’t believe you. Christ, Clark, how could I have? It’s just so…"

"After everything that’s happened in this town, was it really that hard to believe?" Clark asked quietly.

"Yeah, Clark, it was," Lex sighed. "But you really are… aren’t you?"

Clark nodded.

Part 13

It still wasn’t really sinking in. Lex wasn’t sure he was even that happy that Clark finally had told him the truth, because it was just so… fuck! It was *so* big, huge. Lex wasn’t sure he deserved that kind of trust.

"You’re not though," Lex whispered.

"Not what?" Clark had stiffened again, but Lex held tight, despite knowing Clark could easily overpower him, especially after the slightly frightening display of strength he’d just been through.

"Not a freak, Clark. And you’re not responsible for those rocks either," Lex said quietly. Clark’s despairing outburst had been what had finally convinced him, but the self loathing tone had really worried him. "How can you say that?"

"Because they came down with me," Clark whispered.

"And you were what, three years old?" Lex asked in disbelief, "Oh yeah, in that case, they were totally your fault. Come on, Clark, it was an accident. If you *have* to blame anyone, blame whoever sent you here."

Lex bit his tongue hard as he realised what he’d just said and Clark seemed to shrink in on himself. "I’m sorry," Lex sighed, astounded by just how many times he’d apologised that night.

"I wish I knew," Clark mumbled.

"Knew what?" Lex asked carefully.

"What I could have done, what could have been wrong with me that they sent me away." Clark’s breath was hitching quietly and Lex pulled him as close as he could.

"Nothing, Clark, you did nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t even realise, do you? God, Clark, how can you not *know* what a, a beautiful person you are?" Lex shook his head.

"Then why am I here?" Clark lifted his head and Lex didn’t resist the urge to gently wipe the tears from his face.

"I don’t know, Clark, but I’m glad. Your parents are glad, your friends are glad," Lex lifted Clark’s chin and leaned forward slowly, giving him time to pull away if he wanted. He’d never felt so relieved when he didn’t. Gently, Lex kissed his young friend, just a brief, soft kiss, but enough to make his heart flip over in his chest.

"Oh," Clark sighed, blinking at him. "Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"Do that again."

Unable to help smiling as he did so, Lex leaned into Clark again, clasping the younger man’s neck as their lips met a second time. He pushed gently at Clark’s lips with his tongue and they parted with a quiet sigh. The taste of Clark was warm and sweet, instantly addictive as Lex pressed deeper, exploring gently.

Almost hesitantly, Clark’s tongue slipped into his mouth and Lex moaned quietly at the tentative touch. He sucked gently, encouraging Clark to move even closer until their bodies were pressed together tightly.

Clark pulled away again with a gasp and Lex licked his lips nervously.

"I, I want you, Lex," Clark whispered, heat suffusing his face.

Lex had to close his eyes for a moment. He wanted Clark so much, he was hard and Clark had just kissed him, just had his cock digging into his hip, but… emotionally, with everything that had happened that night, was it really right for him to take advantage of what could be confusion on Clark’s part?

"I don’t think…"

"I don’t want you to think," Clark interrupted him, "I want you to admit that you want me, I want you to take what you want. Lex, I want to feel you inside me, I want you to touch me, I want to touch you… please?"

"Jesus!"

Part 14

Clark flushed almost painfully. He wasn’t quite sure where he was finding the nerve to say this out loud. Judging by Lex’s expression, he wasn’t sure either. But Clark *needed* this, needed Lex.

Lex had his eyes closed, fists clenched, jaw tight. Clark frowned worriedly. "Lex?"

Lex shook his head and opened his eyes, "Clark, I can’t."

Clark bit his lip hard as his heart plummeted. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. After everything they’d been through, Lex was rejecting him? "You don’t… you don’t want me?"

"Oh Christ, Clark, you have no idea. Of course I want you, but tonight has been *so* intense and only two weeks ago you were agonising over Lana and Chloe…"

"Lex," Clark interrupted him, trying to control the hurt and touch of anger at Lex’s presumption of knowing his feelings, "I’m not a kid, you know. Yes, tonight has been really hard, but I thought we’d straightened things out. I thought you’d listened to me, I *love* you.

"Fuck, Lex, do you know why I couldn’t get it straight in my head with Chloe and Lana? Because I love *you*, I just didn’t realise… I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t let myself realise.

"I was already questioning my feelings, but seeing you… you *died*, Lex! You died and I," Clark’s breath caught painfully in his chest at the memory of watching Lex stop breathing, his heart stop beating. "I thought, God, I *wanted* to follow you."

"No!" Lex gripped his arm tightly, eyes fearful, "No, Clark, you must never think like that, I’m not worth that."

"I didn’t think it, Lex," Clark almost laughed, tears welling and an urge to shake Lex again almost overwhelming him, "I felt it, in here." Clark tugged Lex’s hand off his arm and pressed it over his chest. "I knew I couldn’t go on if you left me," he whispered.

Part 15

Lex pressed his hand harder against Clark’s chest, more than a little overwhelmed. He wasn’t altogether sure this wasn’t too much for him. His fingers tensed unconsciously, curling in Clark’s shirt, and he was actually startled by how close he’d pulled his friend when he looked up again.

The intensity and depth of feeling in Clark’s eyes, took his breath away. Suddenly, he wasn’t at all sure he was going to survive the night if he made Clark leave.

"I…" he started, swallowing hard, "Don’t you even want a little time to wait? To be sure?"

Clark laughed humourlessly, "I’ve had two weeks to be sure, to miss you so much it hurts. Don’t ask me to go, please."

The begging tone sent a shiver down Lex’s spine and arousal pooled in his groin again. "I can’t," he whispered, almost desperately. Clasping Clark’s face, Lex dragged him into a rough kiss, thrusting his tongue straight into Clark’s mouth, licking and exploring inexorably, barely aware of the younger man lifting them both from the floor and carrying him to the bed.

Clark’s weight on top of him shocked Lex out of the frantic kiss and he stared up at Clark. "Sure?" he whispered, needing to confirm this, needing to feel like he wasn’t taking advantage… he just couldn’t do that.

Clark rocked against him, hardness at his groin digging into Lex’s hip. "Completely," Clark whispered back, breathlessly, "Love me."

"I do," Lex groaned, thrusting back up against his soon to be lover. He did, more than Clark would probably ever really know. With a well practiced motion, Lex rolled them over so that he was lying on top, staring down at the younger man questioningly.

As if reading his mind, Clark nodded, "In me, I want it, I want you."

Lex squeezed his eyes shut for a moment till he regained control, the heat Clark’s words had produced almost overwhelming him. Rearing up, Lex tugged at his pyjama top, dragging it down his arms as Clark sat up and pulled off his t-shirt.

Clark reached out and touched his chest tentatively, fingers trailing gently over his skin, pausing over his nipples.

"Yes," Lex hissed, back arching to encourage the touch. Clark stared at him, half smiling, half shocked. Lex waited to see what his friend was going to do, or say. Sending a hot shudder through his body, Clark’s hands swept down his chest, following his ribcage round to his back and then down to his legs.

"Oh God," Lex couldn’t help moaning. Clark’s fingers traced up his calves to come to a stop on his thighs, just next to the edge of his shorts.

"No hair," Clark whispered, "A-anywhere?"

Lex stared very carefully into Clark’s eyes. He had to see, to know if the younger man would be as disgusted as previous lovers had been. Relief flooded him when all he saw was a mixture of simple curiosity and shy lust.

Lex smiled, "I have very fine eyebrows and eyelashes, that’s all the hair on my body."

Clark’s breath hitched and he rocked up against Lex’s groin, "Oh God, can I, can I see?"

Part 16

Clark watched in breathless anticipation as Lex shifted off his legs, tugged his boxers down and kicked them over the edge of the bed, leaving him naked. Naked in more ways than one.

Clark had to moisten his dry lips as he stared, and his jeans got more than a little restrictive. There was such a difference between Lex’s body, and the body of other men he’d seen, the pale, smooth skin and utter hairlessness made his friend look oddly vulnerable and so… beautiful.

Strangely, Lex still looked a little nervous and Clark smiled hoping to reassure him. Slowly, Lex reached over and undid his jeans, Clark lifted his hips to help him pull them down his legs. It was such a relief, he gasped.

Lex was staring at him.

"Lex?" Clark frowned worriedly. "What is it?"

"I’ve never had anyone turned on by just me, did you know that?" Lex grimaced a little self-mockingly.

Oh. Clark winced internally, he’d never really thought about Lex’s sexual past, except of course with Victoria. Besides, it would never have occurred to him, because, well, Lex was gorgeous.

"Were your lovers blind?" Clark asked quietly.

Lex laughed suddenly, snorting a little, "Ah, the bias of love."

"I’m not biased, Lex, and you’re not a freak either, okay?" Clark reached out to cup Lex’s face and pull him closer, "Okay?" he whispered against the older man’s mouth.

Lex swallowed audibly and he nodded jerkily. "Okay," he whispered back, leaning into his hand before arching up to press his lips to Clark’s. Moaning, Clark slowly lay back, pulling Lex on top of him, not breaking the kiss as his lover sucked on his bottom lip, sending a jolt of need through his whole body.

Lex wriggled on top of him until he was settled comfortably, their cocks pressed together, making them both groan. The slide of Lex’s smooth skin against his was so hot it was warping Clark’s brain, all he could do was mutter against Lex’s mouth incoherently.

Part 17

Lex opened his eyes and pulled back slightly so he could hear what Clark was mumbling.

"Love you, need you, please," was repeated over and over with little variation.

Hands skimmed over his body as Lex rocked slowly against the smooth hardness of Clark’s erection, stopping to clutch every so often, punctuated by a gasp.

Lex just watched, the light flush, darkened eyes, open, panting mouth, Clark was absolutely gorgeous. "Love you," he whispered before leaning back down to claim Clark’s mouth again. Those big, strong hands moved again and clasped his head oh so gently, the very tips of Clark’s fingers stroking lightly over his scalp.

He’d never much liked having his head touched before, but with Clark it made his blood rush straight to his groin in a series of pulses that made his cock jump against Clark’s hip.

Rearing up again, Lex stroked Clark’s chest, sliding his fingers over taut nipples, strong abdomen and down to the line of hair where his cock was lying, hard and leaking. Lex met Clark’s eyes and grinned, dipping his finger into the pool on his stomach and then sucking the liquid off.

Clark’s eyelids fluttered and he groaned loudly. "God, Lex you gotta… please."

Lex felt his dick jump again, his need for Clark was growing ever greater. If he wasn’t careful, he wasn’t going to last long enough for what they both wanted, Lex buried deep in Clark’s body.

He reached for his bedside table and pulled out lube and a condom.

"No."

Lex looked up in surprise and withdrew slightly, worried that somehow he’d misunderstood. "Clark?"

"No condom," Clark pleaded quietly.

Frowning, Lex shook his head, "Clark, we should…"

"No, Lex. I don’t get ill, I’ve never gotten ill. I just need you," Clark’s voice grew steadily softer, the need in his tone, reflected in his eyes.

Swallowing, Lex nodded. "Okay," he whispered. He carefully pushed Clark’s legs apart and swept a hand down over his groin and ass gently. Clark sighed, shifting slightly to get closer. "Clark, I swear, when I don’t need you quite so badly, we’ll do this properly." A finger on his lips stopped him from continuing.

"I know, Lex, just please, hurry."

Lex nodded again and squeezed lube hurriedly over his shaft, spreading it quickly. Gently he slipped his fingers along the cleft of Clark’s ass, rubbing the excess gel onto his skin. Clark shuddered.

"Please," Clark whispered again.

Part 18

Clark sighed when Lex leaned over him, dropping a gentle kiss onto his lips as the head of his cock pushed at his ass. Relaxing, Clark breathed deep and pulled Lex inside him.

"Oh my God," they whispered in unison. Lex’s hands clutched at his hair and they kissed desperately, Clark’s eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of completion. Finally, finally everything had come together, the slide of Lex inside him the final piece, fitting them together. Now Clark knew, absolutely, that Lex would be safe, even from himself, because he was there to protect him.

Lex didn’t pause, pulling out almost completely, leaving Clark feeling strangely bereft until the sudden slamming thrust back inside him. He gasped into Lex’s mouth and his hands slipped down Lex’s back to grasp his ass, encouraging the pace his lover was setting already with his mouth.

They both needed this, a confirmation that they were both alive and together, loved and accepted. Silent but for moans and gasps, harsh breathing and the slap of skin against skin, they moved together fast and frantic, Lex plunging into his body endlessly. Heat, almost painful tension and pleasure coiled in Clark’s gut, and he rocked up more forcefully against Lex’s thrusts.

A hand somehow worked between them and gripped Clark’s cock making him groan loudly. He opened his eyes, and Lex pulled away enough to meet his gaze, eyes locking together as Clark’s back arched up with the explosion of his climax. He jerked against Lex, never taking his eyes from his lover’s.

"Clark!" His name sounded like it had been wrenched from Lex’s throat and his lover pushed even deeper inside him, with one last hard thrust. Warmth filled him and Clark sighed happily as Lex collapsed on top of him.

"Thank you."

Lex lifted his head and frowned at him. "Thank you?"

Clark smiled, "Yeah. For everything, your promise, your confession, your love, thank you."

"Oh," Lex blinked at him, then smiled back, bending his head to kiss him. "I… you’re welcome?"

Clark laughed quietly and pulled Lex back down on top of him, kissing the top of his head. "Just one thing though."

"What?" Lex‘s tone was only a little wary.

"You don’t have to stick to the speed limit." Clark grinned as Lex laughed.

FIN!