Title: Homeward Bound

Authoress: The Huntress

Email: Huntress62@aol.com or ONeillsWench@aol.com

Pairing: Jack/Daniel/Jonas

Rating: NC17...ER, Humor

Spoilers: Homecoming

Synopsis: Ambassador Jonas Quinn returns to discuss trade negotiations with Earth

Disclaimer: Boys will be boys...they play rough, have fun, and they belong to themselves. My Jack, Daniel and Jonas are so far from TPTB, that any resemblance is totally, and completely, nonexistent.


Homeward Bound
by The Huntress
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jonas Quinn should have been happy. He was welcomed back to Kelowna with open arms, given a hero's welcome, a nice apartment, a most generous stipend and a seat on the governing council; he also had the respect he had always wanted.

But he constantly remembered an Earth phrase he had learned: Be careful what you wish for.

For with all he had been given had also come boredom...*extreme* boredom. Following the negotiations with the other factions, things had grown quiet. He remembered another phrase Jack had taught him: Going whacko.

Which is where Jonas was sure he was going.

"DAMMIT!"

"Are you all right sir?"

Jonas groaned, wondering if he could have five minutes without Malchi, his aide. "I'm fine. Just...peachy."

"Peachy sir?"

"Yeah, peachy. It means...fine."

"Your vernacular confuses me sir."

"Yes, I'm sure it does. Now, what can I do for you?"

"The council has requested that you handle the negotiations regarding...."

Jonas' face lit up. "Where?"

"It has to do with that planet you were living on for the past year."

"EARTH?! When do we leave?"

For the first time in three months Jonas Quinn felt alive again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So, when is this guy getting here?" Jack asked. He and SG1 had been waiting in the briefing room for a half hour.

"The Kelownan Ambassador should already be here," General Hammond told his flagship team, picking up the phone. "He and his aide arrived about two hours ago."

Airman Dale chose that moment to open the door. "I'm sorry for interrupting sir."

"It's alright Airman." The General hung up the phone. "Where are the Ambassador and his aide?"

"They're right here sir."

SG1 looked over, to see an older man, mid-fifties, with a blank look on his face.

Daniel stood up. "On behalf of Earth, Ambassador, I would like to welcome you."

"I am Malchi, the Ambassador's aide."

"Oh," Daniel nodded. "Well, welcome anyway. And the Ambassador is...."

"Malchi, you have *got* to try these," a mumbled voice came through the door, followed by its owner, who was carrying a tray laden with food. "Fruit Loops. Now they don't taste like fruit, but...."

"Then what is the purpose of eating them?" Malchi asked.

"Sugar rush. This is a doughnut. Absolutely no nutritional value." Jonas looked around the room. "Hi guys. Long time no see." He sat down and stuffed another spoonful of cereal into his mouth, followed by a bite of the doughnut.

"Sir," Malchi started, "this is completely improper behavior for...."

"*You're* the Ambassador?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. What of it?" Jonas fired back.

"Nothing," Jack smiled. "Welcome back. And are you going to share any of those doughnuts? You have four."

"No." Jonas took another bite and followed it with more cereal. "Get your own."

"Jonas," Sam grinned, walking around the table. "It's good to see you."

He stopped eating long enough to stand and give her a hug. "Good to see you too Sam."

"JonasQuinn," Teal'c nodded. "You are looking well."

"So are you Teal'c. How goes the Treutonin?"

"It goes fine, thank you."

"Jonas," Daniel gave him a soft smile. In the short time they had known each other, they had managed to become friends. "I heard you had a good appetite."

"The only food on Kelowna is nutritional. They don't know what sugar is." Jonas finished his Fruit Loops and a doughnut.

"Just one doughnut," Jack whined. "You have three left."

"I said no." Jonas turned and smile at General Hammond. "Sir, I understand that you'd like some more Naquadariah...."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Three hours later Jonas had come to an amicable agreement with General Hammond. He'd also whacked Jack's hand twice when the Colonel reached for a doughnut.

"Sir," Malchi nodded, "it's been a long day and we need to return to make a report to the council."

"Yes," Jonas nodded, "we do. But first I think we need to rest. Okay with you?" He saw Malchi nod. "Good. General Hammond, can I get one of those VIP suites? You know, the ones with actual mattresses? And a TV. I miss the weather reports."

"I don't see a problem with that," Hammond smiled. "See to it Colonel."

"Yes sir," Jack answered.

*GENERAL HAMMOND REPORT TO THE CONTROL ROOM*

"If you'll excuse me, I have other duties to attend to."

Jonas and Malchi both stood, Malchi bowing, Jonas shaking the General's hand.

"It's good to see you sir."

"Likewise Ambassador," Hammond agreed.

"Jonas, please."

"Jonas," Hammond nodded, leaving the room.

"Teal'c," Sam stood up, "I need your help finishing that redesign on the X-304. The Pentagon wants a working computer model by next week."

"The X-304?" Jonas asked.

"One step up from the 303," Sam grinned. "If you like, I'll show it to you."

"After I get some rest. I really want to see it," Jonas nodded, grinning back.

"JonasQuinn," Teal'c gave him a small smile, "perhaps you will join me later in my sparring practice."

"Sounds like fun."

Teal'c nodded and followed Sam out.

"I'll show you to your quarters," Jack said.

"Sir, if I may," Malchi started.

"Yes you may," Jonas interrupted. "Shoot."

"I don't have a gun sir."

"It means go ahead, you schmuck."

Daniel choked on his coffee and Jack just stared at Jonas.

"What is a schmuck?" Malchi asked.

Jonas smiled sweetly. "You're a schmuck."

"Thank you sir."

"You're welcome. Now, what do you need?"

"I shall accompany you to this VIP suite."

"Of course you will Malchi. A schmuck all the way."

"A schmuck," Malchi smiled. "Thank you again sir."

"No problem," Jonas replied, grinning now. "I think of you as the finest schmuck on Kelowna. A featherbrain, a nitwit."

"I have never been referred to as such."

"Well Malchi," Jonas nodded, "only someone that knows you as well as I've grown to know you would refer to you like that." He stood up, patting Malchi on the back. "You're also a dickwad."

Jack bit the inside of his cheek to stave off his laughter; Daniel left the room before his giggles overtook him.

Jonas just smirked.

They got to Jonas' suite, and Jack gave him a soft smile. "Maybe we can...talk."

"Not now Jack...Colonel." Jonas shut the door behind him, only to find Malchi standing before him.

"Sir, I don't think...."

"Then don't," Jonas sneered. "Now go away and leave me to rest. You have your own quarters. And before you say it, that," he pointed, "is a security camera and there is a guard at my door. You'll have one also."

"Sir, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone."

Jonas finally made it clear to his aide that he was safe in the suite and that Malchi could go off and do what he wanted, practically throwing the man out. Although reluctant, Malchi did as he was told. Jonas went into his case, taking out the jeans, tee-shirt and sneakers he had packed when he left three months before, went into the bathroom, closed the door, got changed, turned on the shower and looked around, spotting what he was looking for...a way out. It took him a while but he managed to undo the grating on the ventilation shaft, climbed in and began to crawl. Twenty minutes later he made it to an abandoned corridor, got out, and headed for the elevators. He was careful to make his move only when the security cameras were turned away from his direction; they'd spot him soon enough. He got to the first level and stepped out, smiling at the SF on duty.

"Hi Sergeant Frye, long time no see."

"Quinn! It's good to see you."

The two shook hands. "I have a few things to take care of, so I'll just sign out and be on my way."

As far as Frye knew, Jonas had just been offworld for three months. "No problem. It is *really* good to see you back."

Jonas nodded and took the second elevator to the surface. He had no problem signing out there either. Sergeant Bender was on duty upstairs and was familiar with him, also assuming he'd only been away for three months and waved him through. Jonas headed to Jack's jeep, the lack of keys no determent to him. Thanks to Jim Coburn, Jonas could hotwire it. He drove off the base with a last wave to the Marine.

Jonas drove straight to Jack's house, waving hello to the neighbor, chatting with her for a few moments, before going back to the house, picking the lock, knowing how to bypass the alarm and let himself in. He took out a bottle of whiskey, poured a shot and drank. This was quickly followed by a second. The first two turned his stomach, but after that, he didn't even notice.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ambassador?" Malchi called, cautiously opening the door. He heard the shower, knocking softly. "Sir?" Walking in, his eyes widened and he began to scream.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You have lost the Ambassador!" Malchi was fuming.

"We didn't lose him," Jack sighed. "He left of his own accord. See...." Jack punched up the security video.

"How did he get out Colonel?" Hammond asked.

"Neither Frye nor Bender knew that he wasn't a member of the SGC anymore. They thought he had just been offworld."

"How did he go anywhere?" Hammond added. "Did he fly?"

"No sir," Jack winced. "He stole my jeep."

"He stole your jeep?" The General's eyebrow went up.

"Where is he?" Malchi demanded.

Daniel went to the phone, putting his hand up. "Hello, Mrs. Markett, hi, it's Daniel Jackson. Yes, from next door. Yes, the cookies were delicious. Mrs...yes, Jack enjoyed them also. Have you...no, we had no idea the Carson's made those types of movies. Mrs. Markett, can you look out your window and...oh, he did. I see. Well, I don't know. Yes, he is a nice boy. Yes, Mrs. M., Jack will be happy to mow your lawn. Bye."

"I'm not mowing her lawn Daniel. She grabs my ass."

"Jack, the woman is ninety-two years old. If she wants to grab your ass, you let her."

"GENTLEMEN!" The two looked at the General. "Have you located Mister Quinn?"

"Yeah, er, yes sir," Daniel nodded. "He's at Jack's house. That was our next door neighbor. She saw Jonas and spoke with him."

"We must go and retrieve him immediately," Malchi said, running out the door.

"Sir, we can't let you...." Hammond began.

"General, we'll be responsible for the Ambassador's aide. Won't we Daniel?"

Hammond rolled his eyes. "Get Jonas back here. I don't need a diplomatic...incident."

"We will sir," Jack responded with a crisp salute.

As they left, Hammond heard them talking....

"Jack, the Carson's are filming in their backyard again. Can we watch?"

"No Daniel. Mrs. Carson keeps asking you to appear in their movies and I don't think the military would approve."

"Aww, but Jack, I look good in whipped cream."

"I know Danny. But only for me, okay?"

"Okay Jack."

Hammond just buried his head in his hands, wondering why he was being punished.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So, Malchi," Jack turned to the back seat, "how long have you and Jonas...the Ambassador, been together?"

"Since he was given the position."

"What exactly do ya do?"

"What needs to be done."

"Yeah, okay." Jack gave up on conversing with him, instead explaining to Daniel why Angel and Spike should sleep together, while Daniel took the view of Angel and Wesley.

When they got to Jack's house, they saw the lights on, walking inside to see Jonas sitting on the couch with a half empty whiskey bottle in his hand.

"Oops. I've been found out," Jonas said. "The party's over."

"You have to come back to the Mountain," Jack told him. "Your superiors expect you to return."

"I'm not going back," Jonas whined morosely. "They don't leave me alone. *He*," Jonas pointed to Malchi, "is everywhere."

"But sir...." Malchi started.

"Stuff a sock in it!" Jonas snapped. "You are such an...ass-kissing pissant. Don't even let me take a crap in peace."

"A crap?" Malchi asked, not understanding.

Jonas managed to stand, albeit weaving slightly. "A crap, a bowel movement, relief...a fucking shit!"

"Jonas, watch your language!" Jack scolded, more then a bit shocked at Jonas' choice of words; somehow it wasn't natural for the young man to speak that way.

"Oh, and you," Jonas turned to him, "you let me leave. Didn't even try to stop me. All those nights we spent together and I say I'm leaving, expecting you to ask me to stay, but do you? Nooooo."

Jack flushed pink and Daniel chuckled. "Jack, I thought you said Jonas' leaving was a mutual agreement."

"Well it was."

"Oh no it wasn't," Jonas shook his head. "I told him they wanted me to help 'em rebuild, and he was supposed to say, 'No Jonas. Stay here. Me, you and Daniel will work something out.' Or 'Okay, but the team goes with you.' But did he? Uh-uh. Just sends me on my way. Not nice *Jack*."

"Yeah!" Daniel nodded quickly. "Not nice *Jack*. We *could* have worked something out. You know I'm open to just about anything."

"Shut up Daniel," Jack told him.

"You bottomed for me," Jonas pouted.

Daniel snorted and quickly put his hand over his mouth.

"What is bottomed?" Malchi asked.

Jonas began to giggle. "It means, you asexual eunuch, that he lay beneath me and I...MMMPPPFHFH." Jack's hand covered his mouth.

"OWWW!" Jack shouted. "He bit me!"

"I had sex with him!" Jonas announced. "And he had sex with me and it was good. Not that *you'd* know anything about it, you emasculated flake." He picked up the bottle, drinking straight from it.

Jack grabbed it. "I *really* think you've had too much."

Jonas snatched it back. "I haven't had enough Jack. I loved you, but you obviously didn't love me. Daniel, Jack said he loved me. But he let me leave."

Daniel sat beside him, rubbing his back. "I know. He's an insensitive clod sometimes."

"I don't wanna go back!" Jonas wailed. "I want asylum!"

"What is asylum?" Malchi asked, confused.

"AAARRRGGHH!!" Jonas jumped up, slid his hands around Malchi's neck and began to squeeze. "I...want...to...stay...HERE!" He dragged Malchi to the floor, squeezing harder.

"Jack, do something," Daniel pleaded.

Jack just watched, amused. "Aww, c'mon Daniel. Jonas obviously needs to get some of this energy out. And remember that shade of blue, because that's what I want to paint the bedroom."

"Jack, the man is turning purple now."

Jack knelt down. "Jonas, ease up. I need to see that blue again."

"JACK!"

"*Okay* Daniel, lighten up. Jonas, let the man go."

"He's not a man," Jonas growled. "He's an asswipe!"

"I know Jonas," Jack soothed, taking Jonas' hands in his.

Jonas lay his head on Jack's shoulder. "I want to stay here. Kelowna has no Weather Channel."

"Primitive bastards," Jack muttered.

"No Twinkies, no Ben and Jerry's...no Disneyland," Jonas lamented. "I miss 'The Soprano's' and 'Will and Grace'. They confiscated the Mad magazines I brought back and..." Jonas began to sniffle. "...they burned my Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue." He looked up. "Jack?"

"Yes Jonas?" Jack replied with a soft smile.

"I'm gonna be sick...."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jonas woke up, holding his head. "It hurts."

"Well of course it hurts," Jack whispered from beside him.

"Aspirin?"

"I'll get you some."

Jonas felt the bed dip and cracked his eyes open a bit more. "I'm not going back." He took the aspirin, almost choking on the water. "I won't go. If you try and make me I'll...."

"You're not going anywhere," Jack smiled. "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"Yeah. I told Malchi what I thought of him."

"You also told him about us."

"I know. Also called him a few choice names." Jonas blinked. "And what do you mean I'm not going anywhere?"

"Just what I said. The 'emasculated flake' reported everything to your high council. Once again, you're not exactly their favorite person."

"They're all dickwads."

"Your language has gotten a bit more colorful," Jack observed.

"I know," Jonas smirked. "It made them crazy. And they burned the fucking Mads also."

"Jonas, could you curb the language? It just doesn't seem proper when you use the 'F' word...actually, when you curse at all."

"Oh, sorry. I've grown so used to doing it for the shock value alone."

"Jonas I have to...apologize."

"Yes, you do."

"I KNOW THAT!" He watched Jonas grab his head. "Sorry."

"Say it Jack. *All* of it."

Jack took a deep breath. "I was wr...wr...."

Jonas just glared at him.

"I was wrong. Happy now?"

"YeahSureYouBetcha," Jonas nodded smugly. "Uh, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Why am I naked?"

"Because you threw up all over yourself...and me. Daniel and I cleaned you up and put you to bed."

"I'll never drink again."

"Damn straight."

"So, did Malchi return to Kelowna?"

Jack snickered. "Yeah, he did. 'Asexual eunuch'?"

Jonas shrugged. "I don't think the guy's ever had any. And where's Daniel?"

"Daniel is out scouting for another Sports Illustrated for you. By the way, what did they do with your Playmate calendar?"

"Oh, it was stolen before it could be burned."

Jack slid his arm around Jonas, pulling him closer. "Was it that bad?"

"Yes, it was. They're so fuc...stiff. I never noticed that most of my people don't have a sense of humor. They make Teal'c look like a comedian."

"You do realize that now that you're back, you're going to be traveling the galaxy again."

"SG7 has always wanted me."

"SG7?!"

Jonas buried his head in Jack's shoulder. "If you yell again, I'll be forced to hurt you."

"*You'll* hurt *me*?"

"Well, I'll cry."

"Oh, anything but *that*," Jack snickered.

"Jack, did you...think about me after I left?"

"Everytime I surfed past the Weather Channel."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. And Daniel hates the zoo. He makes me go to museums."

"I thought you liked museums Jack," Daniel said sarcastically, handing Jonas his magazine. "Here, Jonas. A new issue filled with half-naked women."

"So, you like naked women now?" Jack asked lightly.

"I like naked *anything*," Jonas replied with a quick nod. "The only thing naked I saw on Kelowna was myself."

Jack peeked under the sheet. "Nothing wrong with that." Jonas ignored him and Daniel rolled his eyes. "What'd I say?"

"Jonas," Daniel smiled, "would you like a cup of tea?"

"What about coffee?"

"You like coffee?" Daniel grinned.

"Something else Kelowna doesn't have. I miss caffeine. Almost as much as I miss sex."

"They don't have sex on Kelowna?" Jack asked, taken aback.

"Of course they do. They're backwards, but not that backwards. But anybody I met wanted more. They all wanted political favors. I wasn't going to sleep with anyone for the hell of it."

Daniel nodded in agreement. "You shouldn't. Now, I'm going to go make some sludge."

"Sludge?" Jonas questioned.

"Coffee; twelve scoops to one pot. Oh, I spoke with General Hammond. We got lucky. The Kelownan's will still keep their end of the trade agreement." He went downstairs to put the coffee up.

Jack peeked under the sheet again. "We could fool around until the coffee is ready."

"What about Daniel?"

"Daniel doesn't care," Jack grinned.

Daniel went back upstairs, standing quietly in the doorway, watching in fascination; the knowledge that it had happened in the past, that he was well aware of it, didn't take away from seeing the act itself.

Jack lay on the bed, eyes closed, Jonas' mouth wrapped around Jack's dick, sucking hard. Jack wound his fingers in Jonas' hair, moving Jonas' head up and down his shaft, the way a puppeteer moved his doll. There was no resistance as Jack roughly pulled Jonas' head from his dick and pulled Jonas to his mouth for a deep kiss.

Daniel's eyes got wider as he watched Jack work. His mind just wouldn't accept what he was seeing.

Pulling Jonas up, Jack rolled them, covered Jonas with his body and began to kiss, starting at his lips, slowly moving down. He got to Jonas' chest and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking hard, nipping at it, while his hand played with the other. Then he switched his attentions to the other nipple, repeating his motions.

Jonas began to moan and looked down, wanting and needing more. Understanding, Jack knelt between Jonas legs, smiling when he saw Jonas' dick standing erect. Jonas was pushing up at him, his eyes asking for more, which Jack was more then willing to give. Jack's mouth went back to the nipples, this time biting at them, giving Jonas the pleasure he wanted. His tongue continued on it's downward trek, reaching Jonas' dick, and he gently sucked the head into his mouth, licking the slit, the taste of the precum causing him to breathe harder. In one swoop, he took Jonas' dick all the way down his throat, sucking it, while his tongue ran along the creases, tasting.

Daniel's grew hard at the sight and Daniel, without even realizing it, instinctively unzipped himself, pulled his pants slightly down, releasing his dick from its confinement and began to stroke.

Jonas was thrusting against Jack now, his release close. Sensing this, Jack lifted his head and kissed his way back up Jonas' body, until he reached his mouth. Jack took two fingers and gave them to Jonas to suck on, Jonas' tongue swirling around said fingers, getting them wet for Jack to complete his journey of lust.

After a few moments, he removed them, replacing them with his tongue, taking possession of Jonas mouth and thrust the fingers deep into Jonas' waiting tightness. He pushed in and out for a few moments, preparing Jonas for the pleasure he was about to give him.

"Please...please Jack...give it to me now...I want you now...PLEASE!" Jonas was beyond rational thought at this point his mind focused on one thing. He wanted Jack fucking him, and fucking him hard.

Jack looked at him with an evil grin, removed his fingers and replaced them with his dick, sheathing himself in one move. He began a slow methodical fuck of Jonas' ass, reveling in the moans that Jonas was giving him.

Daniel was nearing completion himself, his hand stroking his dick faster, his rhythm the same as the two other men. He watched as Jack took Jonas' dick into his hand, stroking him harder with each thrust.

Jack pulled Jonas' legs over his shoulders and began to pound into him, his eyes closed, his head thrown back, throwing himself into complete and utter ecstasy. Jonas shot his load into Jack's hand, but Jack wasn't finished yet. Almost lifting Jonas off the bed, he fucked him harder, and came with a scream.

Daniel came as well, shooting into his hand, not to mention all over himself. His breathing was quick, his eyes still on the sight before him.

Jack gently removed himself and gave Jonas a smile, which was returned. "Care to join us Danny?"

Daniel walked toward the two men, the smell of his own come strong and when he got within arms reach of Jack, Jack grabbed him by the waist, pulling Daniel's crotch to his mouth. Jack nuzzled, causing Daniel to grow hard again and with one motion, Jack tossed him onto his back. Before Daniel was aware of what was happening, Jack had removed his pants and brought his mouth down upon Daniel's hardness.

"God Jack," Daniel moaned. "You feel so good."

Jonas was not remaining idle. He stroked his dick until he too was hard again, straddling Daniel's chest, bringing his dick to Daniel's mouth. Daniel's eyes met his, and he opened for Jack, taking him all the way in. Daniel moved his hands to cup Jonas' cheeks, pulling him deep. Jonas fucked Daniel's mouth, pulling all the way out, before plunging back in.

Daniel groaned in emptiness when Jack removed his mouth, but moaned when he felt first one then two fingers enter his ass, fucking him, spreading him. He shouted with joy a moment later, when Jack entered him, slowly sheathing his dick within Daniel's tight hole. He gently pushed in and out until Daniel began to thrust up at him like a wild animal. Jack matched Daniel's thrusts and began to fuck him harder. He put his hand over Daniel's dick, stroking him hard and fast, in time with his thrusts.

Daniel was totally lost in the sensations he was receiving. His eyes closed, he could only feel. Feel Jonas' dick fucking his mouth. Feel Jack in his ass, Jack's hand stroking his dick. Feel his own release coming.

Jack knew the moment Daniel was ready to come. Jonas turned and his lips met Jack's, tongues intertwining, dueling within each other's mouths. Jack grabbed Jonas around the waist and began to push his dick deeper into Daniel's mouth, at the same rhythm he was fucking Daniel.

Jonas came first, shooting his load down Daniel's throat. He continued to stroke himself until Daniel drank every last drop of come.

Daniel came next, his seed shooting in the air, over Jack's hand, over himself.

The sight caused Jack to come, deep into Daniel and he continued to pound until he finally collapsed.

The three men lay there for a moment, a satiated pile of mush. They reluctantly broke apart, arms and legs akimbo, three pairs of sex-drugged eyes looking at each other.

Jonas pulled Daniel's lips to his, his tongue winding it's way into Daniel's mouth, tasting himself, sucking on Daniel tongue, trying to take back some of what he had given Daniel.

"Did you like that, my sweet Daniel?" Jack asked, eyes gentle and yet feral at the same time.

"Oh...oh yeah," answered Daniel. "that was amazing."

"Do you want some more?"

"I do," Jonas grinned.

Within a few minutes, all three were making love all over again.



FIN