Title: My Space Monkey

Author: Tayla

Fandom: Stargate SG-1

Pairing: Jack/Daniel preslash

Rating: PG

Category: Drama, missing scenes.

Status: Complete May 30, 2003

Archive: Yes to WWOMB/Peja. Yes to Area 52. Yes to JDFX. All others please ask

Feedback: Yes, please. All constructive criticism will be graciously accepted

Series/Sequel: no

Disclaimers: "Stargate SG-1" and its characters belong to Gekko and Double Secret and Sci Fi channel. No copyright infringement is intended. The author makes no profit.

Authors Notes: For my first ever Stargate fic, I thought I'd use the famous Space Monkey scene

Spoilers: "The Serpents Lair"

Summary: Jack's thoughts and feelings about Daniel, before he knew that he was still alive.

My Space Monkey
by Tayla

I was prepared to die.

There have been times in my life when I have been willing to die. Defending my country, doing my duty.

There have been times in my life when I have been eager to die, and I put myself in positions where it was likely I would be killed.

This time I was prepared to die. I knew it wouldn't be quick. The gliders had been damaged in the explosion that blew up the mother ships. So we were going to die as a result of the explosion, but it was going to take a while. Wasn't looking forward to suffocating to death, but I was prepared. Hell, with Daniel gone, I didn't have too much left to live for. Just duty and country and my team. But my team was going to die with me. Shame that. Carter had a long illustrious career ahead of her. Teal'c probably could have gone on for another hundred years, if we could have kept him supplied with larvae. My career was
winding down anyway. I had hoped to go out in a blaze of glory. This was close enough.

Then the damn shuttle had to show up.

**

So we're sitting on the military transport, taking us from Houston to Colorado. And now I have time to think. I hate that. The thinking thing. If I had died in space I wouldn't be going through this now.

But he deserves it. After all, the guy did die saving the world; the least I can do is think about it. About what I did wrong. One little mistake and he paid for it.

Four little words.

"Daniel, watch our backs."

Not that I don't...didn't...trust him to watch our backs. But he isn't...wasn't...a soldier. He wasn't trained for combat. He managed to hold his own. I made sure he had training on the weapons, and in hand to hand. But I shouldn't have left him out in that corridor all by himself. I should have kept him with me and left Teal'c to guard the corridor.

At the time it seemed like the better option. We were rushing the control room. I thought it would be safer for him out there for the few moments it was going to take for us to subdue Klorel and his personal guard.

I was wrong.

When I went back out to check on him, he was down. I could smell the charred flesh of the staff wound, and I thought he was dead already.

But he wasn't. He still had a little life left in him. He told me to leave him behind, that it didn't matter because I would be dead soon too.

I looked into his eyes. I didn't see any recrimination. Just affection. Maybe even love. I gave it right back to him. Then I touched his cheek.

And that was it. I left him behind.

"You shed tears for your lost comrade?" Braytac asked me from the seat across the aisle.

I didn't even realize that I had been crying. I just nodded as I wiped my eyes.

He shook his head sadly. "He was not a warrior. He should not have been there."

That sparked my anger. "Don't say that. Don't you say that. He wasn't a soldier, but he was definitely a warrior."

Braytac looked at me skeptically. "He was a scholar."

"So? He was a smart warrior. He's the bravest man I know, just by virtue of the fact that he isn't a soldier." The knife twisted in my gut when I realized I had used the present tense again.

I took a slow deep breath and tried to explain myself to the old guy before I wound up punching his lights out.

"He wasn't a soldier. He wasn't trained for this like you and me. But he never shirked. He learned how to fire a gun. He learned how to defend himself."

"Apparently not well enough."

And then I exploded. Yelled at Braytac, even though the old coot is more than a match for me. I couldn't let him pick on my Danny like that.

"Shut up! Just shut up. You didn't know him." I was on my feet, and the old Jaffa was standing toe to toe with me. I tried to shove him. He didn't budge. He also didn't punch my lights out. For which I am grateful, I guess.

"I meant no disrespect for Dr. Jackson. He was a brave man, and a good man. But good men die. We move on."

Just like that. Just move on.

Right.

I threw myself back into my seat, and stared out the window, trying to ignore everyone around me. Teal'c was trying to decide whether he wanted to defend me or help Braytac beat me up. Carter was sending me
looks that alternated between sympathy and accusation.

I shut my eyes. Tried to erase the past few hours. Or the past few days. Since Daniel had been lost through that mirror thingy. And all of the sudden I am hit with another wave of regret. I never apologized. Which isn't unusual since I never apologize for anything. But now that he's dead, I wish that I had apologized for not believing him.

Yeah, that would have gone over well.

Gee Daniel, sorry you discovered a parallel universe and saw the whole world get blown up and I didn't believe you.

Sorry that you were doing your best to save our world, and you didn't get any support.

Sorry Daniel that I never told you how I feel.

Should have told him after we got him back from fishface. Hell I should have told him when we went back to Abydos. Although it might have been more effective if I had told him during the first mission to Abydos, before he got married.

God this hurts. Hurts fully as much as when Charlie died. That was my fault too.

I lost my son.

Now I've lost my friend. And my heart.

**

We make it back to Colorado in short order. Military transports are fast. Before we disembark we find hats for Teal'c and Braytac. The truck takes us back to Cheyenne Mountain. Time seems to move in a blur, and we're in the 'gateroom, saying goodbye to Braytac.

I feel strange. Kind of numb. A few short days ago, we were sneaking are way through the gate, off to save the world on nothing but Daniel's say so.

We did it, Dannyboy. We saved the world. Wish you could have been here to see it.

The General is saying something about someone wanting to see us. Probably that jerk, Major Samuels. Jeez can we just get this over with, so I can go get drunk.

Got a bottle at home with my name on it.

And then I see him. Once again, Daniel Jackson rises from the dead.

He's walking up to me now, eyes glued to my face, and I just can't stop grinning. And then I'm touching him, hugging him and I can feel his breath in my ear and my hands are in his hair, and I have no idea where "Space Monkey" came from.

But it kind of fits him.

I let him go before I make a total idiot out of myself, and I don't think I've ever seen a stupider grin on his face. We hold each other's eyes for another moment, and I see all the love and affection I have for him
mirrored back at me, before Carter gets in my way to get her hugs in.

Maybe I'll have some company in getting drunk tonight. After all, the bottle actually has both our names on it.

And maybe I'll finally tell him.

end