Title: "Repercussions"

Author: Sara

Email: savap@cableinet.co.uk

Rating: PG.....although a couple of naughty words.

Category: A bit of Jack and Daniel angst.

Status: Complete.

Spoilers: 'Shades of Grey'

Summary: This is the epilogue to Realisation and Realisation II. Jack and Daniel's thoughts in the gateroom at the end of 'Shades of Grey'

Archive: JD archives and Area 52 if you think it's worth it. Anywhere else, just let me know.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and all titles and names related to it are the sole property of Showtime, Gekko and Double Secret. NO infringement is intended and no money is made in the writing of this story.

Notes: Again this has not been betaed so I apologise for the spelling or grammar mistakes.

Series note: Here's the epilogue for Realisation and Realisation II and I hope you guys like it. Again I wrote it for my best buddies and sometime partners in crime Sekh and QS

He’s mad at me.

I can always tell when I’ve pissed off our intrepid anthropologist. He gets a certain look in his eye that warns those that know him to stay clear. He’s got that look now, but there’s something else, something I can’t quite put my finger on. I’m glad General Hammond has stayed to explain why I’ve been a bastard these last couple of weeks and not the happy go lucky Colonel the SGC know and love. Okay the love part might be a bit over the top but they all like me, well most of them do. Suddenly the General leaves and I am left alone with my team, what do I do. Humour, that’s the answer. I open my arms wide, "I’m back" I grin at them, hoping that I’m at least partially forgiven but I can see they’re not buying it and so I use another strategy. I look sheepishly at them and apologise for my behaviour. I can see that Sam and Teal’c, although still hurt by the fact that I hadn’t confided in them have come to understand my reasons and being more of a military mindset know about orders and all that ‘need to know’ crap but Daniel, Daniel is another matter.

He’s mad at me.

I cringe inwardly as I recall the hurt and sorrow on his face as I pulled his heart from his chest and crushed it. What is it they say, the pen is mightier than the sword and words can do so much damage. Words that I would give anything to bring back, words that have replayed in his memory no doubt, causing sleepless nights and angst filled days. Words meant to hurt, wound and finally kill a friendship. Words that I need to take back.

I gesture for Daniel to come over to me and like an obedient puppy he does, his shoulders slightly slumped and a wary look on his face, his eyes showing hurt and confusion. I want to reach out to him and show him that our friendship is as solid as ever, maybe more so because I’ve realised how important he is to me but I have to take this slowly.

I begin to explain that what I had said to him in my house was not true that it was said to protect him. That I didn’t want Maybourne and his goons to use him to get to me, that my house was bugged and he nods and says he understands. Then I tell him how important it was for me that he had come to see me, and not Teal’c or Carter, hoping to give him a clue as to how important he is to me and how much I want him in my life but he stops me cold.

"We drew straws" he says with that earnest ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ look and a glint in his eye, "I lost".

His words silence me, I feel a stab through my heart and for a second I begin to wonder if my attempts at reconciliation are in vain. He walks away leaving me standing with my mouth open, like a fish out of water. The rest of my team walk past, Teal’c sticking his nose in the air and Carter with an apologetic smile, both looks saying ‘you asked for that’, and they are right.

I stand there for a few moments knowing that I have a lot of work to do in order to restore the trust and respect that my friends had for me. They’re worth it, especially Daniel who I have hurt the most in all this and although he may have started to forgive me for my cruel words and actions, it will be a long time before I can find it in my heart to forgive myself. On that day I may be able to bring myself to tell him what he really means to me and how much I love him.

DANIEL'S bit

I’m mad at him.

How can he stand there looking like the hero of the hour after what he said to us, what he said to me. The bastard. He looks warily over at me and I know that I’ve got that pissed off look in my eyes. That’s probably why he’s hiding behind General Hammond. I’m shocked by the events of the last few minutes, seeing Colonel Makepeace arrested as a member of the renegade group and Jack’s return. General Hammond explains that Jack had been on a covert operation but I am only half listening, watching the man in question as he watches us, whilst he watches me. He hurt me by what he said and I can’t believe that it was just an act. He looked me straight in the eye and lied to me making me believe that our friendship was a sham and that I was a gullible fool to believe that I meant anything to him. I’m suddenly aware that General Hammond has left and I can tell that Jack is apprehensive about how we will respond to him now that we know the truth about the last few weeks. I can’t believe that from the time we met with the Tollan council we were all part of a subterfuge. Part of the plan to enable Jack to do his bit and I suddenly feel bitter towards not only him, but the military in general.

I’m mad at him.

They tricked me, played me as a fool and I now realise just how naive I am to how the military works. "I’m back" he says as if that will make everything better, as if that will remove the hurt and betrayal we’ve all felt since this all began. We’re not buying it and he knows it. He tries a different tact, he apologises and Teal’c and Sam seem to accept the reasons that he did what he had to do, he had to distance himself from us all. The CO protecting his team but I don’t understand, I’m not military and I can’t see how destroying a friendship can be categorised as needed to be done. He must see the doubt in my eyes because he gestures for me to go to him and I obediently follow him over to the door.

He begins to explain that what he had said at his house was not true and that our friendship is still solid, that he believed his house had been bugged and just wanted to protect me. I look in his eyes and can see the anguish there and realise how much this has hurt him. Suddenly I’m aware of how much Jack has suffered through this, the gamble he had to take and that he had no choice. The fact that he was prepared to risk everything in order to preserve the treaties we have with our allies.

I inwardly shudder as I think of what could have happened if things had gone wrong, if Maybourne had realised he was being set up. My anger towards him begins to diminish but I still feel hurt that he couldn’t tell me, hadn’t given me a clue. I replay our conversation at his house and realise that maybe he did try but I was just too upset and angry at the time to notice. I’m not going to let him off the hook that easily though. He begins to say how much it meant to him that I had been the one to come over to his house to see him and I can’t resist "We drew straws" I say and he stops talking, "I lost". I walk away a smile threatening to form on my lips and I know that Teal’c and Sam are following me. I also know that it will be awhile before our friendship is back to how it was but he’s worth it. In time I will be able to forgive him and on that day maybe I’ll tell him how much I love him.

THE END.... what did ya think?