Title: "Realisation"

Authors: Sara

Rating: PG

Catagory: A bit of Danny angst

Status: Complete

Spoilers: Little ones for the 'Stargate Movie', 'Shades of Grey', and a teeny one for 'Forever In A Day.'

Summary: Daniel's thoughts as he leaves Jack's house in Shades of Grey'.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did though, especially Jack.

He hates me.

I can’t believe he hates me. Our friendship has been built on a lie, a falsehood, a deception and I can’t believe I let him do that to me.

He hates me.

I walk out of his house, my vision blurred by the tears that have begun to sting my eyes. I can’t believe his words, that our friendship had no real foundation at all. I don’t profess to be a brilliant judge of character but I thought that I meant more to him than that. I admit that when we first met I just saw him as a hard assed military Colonel, the typical do or die stereotype, but then I began to see the other side of the man. The one who had seen and done things that no man should ever see or do, the one who had suffered in a way no one should ever suffer. I could never imagine how it would feel to loose a child, I’d lost my parents as a child and that had affected my outlook on life, but to loose something you helped create. To see him born and then grow from a squalling baby to a child, his first tooth, his first step, his first word, then to have that snatched away and know you were to blame. A part of yourself gone forever. When he walked back through the Stargate he was a different man and I hoped that I had played a part in giving him something to live for. I felt that although we would probably never meet again we had sown the first seeds of a lasting friendship and I would always think of Jack O’Neill with fondness.

That of course all changed thanks to Apophis and our lives were entwined once again. After loosing Sha’re and coming back to Earth I was welcomed into his life, his home and he returned the gesture of giving back his life by helping me get a sense of purpose. Although it was not to be he gave me the hope that one day we would be able to save Sha’re and I grabbed it with both hands. From that day I had a renewed sense of being and we became the best of friends or so I thought.

He hates me.

I get into my car and angrily wipe the tears from my eyes as they threaten to fall. I feel bereaved at the loss of my friend but will not cry, will not allow that weakness to show as his words come back to haunt me. I still can’t believe that he meant what he said, I can’t believe he looked me straight in the eye and all but told me that I was a fool and had fallen for his act. I won’t believe that after knowing each other for three years we have nothing in common at all. He knows that I trust him with my life and would follow him through the gates of Hell. Why then does he destroy that trust, that respect, that loyalty. I start the engine and, as my battered heart finally breaks, come to a realisation.

I love him.

THE END...... well what did ya think?