Title A Season of Miracles

Author: Cherokeegirl

Author email cherokeegirl2000@hotmail.com

Author website: http://members.tripod.com/~cherokeegirl1/index-2.html

Disclaimers No copyright infringement is intended no money is being made

Pairing Fandom: Starsky and Hutch

Rating PG

Archive Yes

Summary: S/H spend the holidays together



A Season of Miracles
by Cherokeegirl

Hutch's Hanukkah Miracle

Hutch usually hated everything to do with the Holidays. The lights, the noise, the crowds and the commercialism all seemed to contradict the true meaning of Christmas. So much so that Hutch felt like he had forgotten what the true meaning really was. No, that wasn't quite true. The Christmases of his childhood before his Grandfather died, were what Christmas was all about. Hutch would go to his grandfather's farm every year during his school break. He and his grandfather would cut a tree and bring it indoors to decorate with cranberries and candy canes. There would be sleigh rides and neighbors would come to visit. His parents would come for Christmas Day and there would be a large turkey with all the trimmings. But mostly he remembered the love and sense of real family in his Grandfather's home. After his grandfather died he spent the Holiday in the city with his parents. Each year as they made the rounds of parties and charity dinners, Hutch grew to hate the holiday and everything that it had come to mean to him. But this year was different. This year his partner was alive to celebrate with him.

It had been a long year for Hutch. After Starsky had been shot, Hutch stayed at the hospital day and night. Starsky had grown so tired and sore from the endless pain and examinations from the doctors and nurses that Hutch was the only one who seemed to be able to sooth him. His hands the only ones able to care for him without causing him discomfort. Starsky came to depend on him for everything. And Hutch was there for him to help in any way that he could. When Starsky was finally released Hutch had moved in with him to continue his care. Even though the insurance would have paid for a nurse, Hutch wouldn't hear of it. Starsky needed him and he intended to be there for him. It had been months since the shooting but Starsky was still far from recovered. He was in a lot of pain and tired easily.

In addition to the physical pain, the months of illness had also taken a toll on him mentally. Starsky was usually like a little kid when the holidays rolled around. The Christmas and Hanukkah season were his favorite time of the year. He decorated everything, even the Torino. Though he was Jewish, he walked around in a Santa hat and sang Christmas carols. Hutch had always been irritated at his partner's wide-eyed enthusiasm for the season. But now, Hutch thought I would give anything if Starsky would show just a little of that holiday cheer. The closer Hanukkah and Christmas came, the more depressed Starsky became. But last night was the worse Hutch had seen.

Starsky had gotten well enough in the last few weeks for Hutch to go back to work. Dobey had put Hutch on desk duty so that if Starsky needed anything he could get hold of Hutch easily, that and the fact that Hutch had refused to be assigned another partner. Last night in order to surprise his partner Hutch brought home a small Christmas tree and decorations and set it up in the living room. When Starsky came out of the bedroom and saw the tree he didn't say anything. He just walked over, sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

Nothing Hutch could say or do would bring any kind of response; he just sat and watched TV as Hutch decorated the tree. When asked how the tree looked Starsky only shrugged and said, "I thought you didn't believe in celebrating."

"Well, that was before. I realized this year how much there is to celebrate. So tell me, Buddy, what do you want Santa to bring you this year?"

"You know what I want, Hutch," he shouted. "I want my life back! I want to be like I was before all this happened! Can Santa give me that? Can anybody give me that? You think I have cause to celebrate? What, Hutch? What am I celebrating, being a vegetable?"

And with that he went into the bedroom and closed the door. The next day Hutch was sitting at his desk trying to find some way to bring Starsky out of his depression. Suddenly, he had an idea and made a phone call.

Hutch left work early that afternoon to do some shopping. When he got in that evening he found Starsky asleep on his bed, so he sat about making his surprise. Tonight being the first night of Hanukkah, Hutch had called Starsky's mom to find out more about the traditions of the season. She had told him that there really weren't any special foods that must be served as long as the dishes were kosher. She went on to explain that traditionally people ate anything cooked in oil in order to commemorate the oil in the lamps lasting for eight days, and that one of Starsky's favorites was latkes, a pancake like food made of shredded or mashed potatoes. After Hutch had put on the large beef roast, he made a salad. After three tries, the first two baring more resemblance to burnt offerings than anything else, he had a plate of latkes sitting on the stove to keep warm. By sunset he had polished the silver menorah that Starsky kept on the desk by the window and dinner was almost ready. It was time to wake Starsky so they could get ready to light the Menorah after dark. He went into the bedroom and gently shook Starsky awake. "Hey, Buddy, time to wake up. Dinner's ready."

Starsky woke and slowly started to get up. Hutch helped him to his feet and Starsky made his way to the bathroom to wash up for dinner. When he got into the living room Hutch had the table set and the wine poured. Starsky came over, sat at the table and looked down at his plate. He started to speak just as Hutch did.

"Hutch…"

"Starsk…"

"Hutch, please let me say this. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night. You didn't do anything that would cause me to blow up at you like that. I know I've been a real pain in the ass lately, it's just that it's so hard. There is still so much pain. It's been so long and I still don't know if I'll ever be 100% again. I know this hasn't been easy on you either. I don't know why you put up with me. You need to get on with your life instead of sitting here being my nursemaid. I keep thinking about where we would be right now if only this hadn't happened. There are so many things I want to talk to you about things I want to say to you. But, now I can't, after this. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us, Like, I love you, he thought. I've been in love with you for years, and now I can't tell you. You probably don't feel the same way about me anyway and I would end up losing our friendship, or you would stay with me out of pity. And even if you did feel the same, I can't, no I won't, tie you down to a life with only half a man.

"Look, Buddy, what ever you want to say to me you can say it. I'm here for you no matter what. Starsk, I want you to understand something. If anyone has the right to blow up, it's you. As for me getting out of here and getting on with my life. I'm right where I want to be. Starsk, don't you understand how much you mean to me. I still have nightmares about that day. I keep going over in my head what I should have done, what I should have said that would have prevented what happened. I'm your partner; I'm supposed to watch your back, but I just stood there while you were gunned down! If I could, I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I love you that much."

I have always loved you, he thought. I have always been in love with you I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

"Hutch, don't say that. None of this is your fault. You aren't to blame for Günther shooting me. You warned me to get down."

"Look, think about it, if it had been me, how would you feel right now? Where would you be if it had been me that got shot?

"Hutch, you're staying here out of guilt?

"No, I'm staying here out of love. Think about it. Now come on it's time to light the menorah, isn't it?" Hutch said as he got up and walked over to the desk where the Menorah was sitting. "I'm not real sure how to go about this, Hutch said as he got the box of candles and gave them to Starsky. "You're going to have to show me what to do. You know, I always thought of Hanukkah as the Jewish equivalent of Christmas, but it's totally different isn't it?"

"Chanukah is celebrated in memory of the victory of the Jewish rebellion against the Greek suppression of Judaism. Did you know that a Menorah was the original seven-candle lamp that burned in the Temple? This," Starsky said picking up the candleholder, is a Chanukah. It has nine candles and is specifically for this holiday."

"I didn't know that. I do remember something I learned in school. In the second century BC, Emperor Antiochus began a systematic suppression of the Jewish religion. Numerous decrees were made forbidding, on pain of torture and death, important practices of Judaism, such as circumcision, and compelling the Jews to worship the Greek idols. In addition, the Greek forces massacred and enslaved thousands of Jews and plundered and defiled the Holy Temple in Jerusalem."

"Yes, The Jewish rebellion against this oppression began as a small revolt led by the Hasmonean family, the priest Mattisyahu and his five sons. When Mattisyahu died he was succeeded by his son, Yehudah HaMakabee (the Maccabee). Yehuda led the Jews to victory, driving the Greeks out of Jerusalem. The Jews were then able to clean the Temple and to resume the Temple service. This took place on the 25th of Kislev.

At this point the famous "miracle of the lights" took place. Part of the Temple service is the lighting of the menorah. This requires ritually pure olive oil. Due to the Greek desecration of the Temple no such oil could be found except for one small container which contained enough oil to last for one day. Since it would take eight days to get more oil this was a serious problem. The Jews used this oil for the first day and it miraculously lasted for the full eight days till new oil was available. The most well known law of Chanukah is the requirement to light the menorah," Starsky said as he took one of the candles and put it in place. "The time for lighting the menorah is at nightfall, called tzeis hakochavim -when the stars come out. This is approximately an hour after sunset."

"If `the festival of lights' lasts eight days, why are there nine candles?" Hutch asked. "And, the one in the center is higher."

"Tradition prohibits us from using the Chanukah lights for any other purpose. We cannot use them to read by or to light another fire. It is for this reason that it is customary to light an additional candle, called a Shamash, so that if we use the light in the area of the menorah we will be using it's light and not the light of the Chanukah candles. The Shamash should be placed somewhat higher than the rest of the menorah to distinguish it from the other candles. Traditionally the candles are lit from right to left. One, on the first day, two, on the second, and so on until all of the candles are lit. Before lighting we recite two blessings." Starsky lit the candle and began to recite:

"Blessed are You, HaShem, King of the world, Who made us holy with His commandments, and commanded us to light the candle of Chanukah. Blessed are You, HaShem, King of the world, Who did miracles for our fathers in those days, at this time."

The first time we light the candles we add: "Blessed are You, HaShem, King of the world, Who has kept us alive, and has sustained us, and brought us to this time."

"There is a tradition for children to play with a dreidel on Chanukah." Starsky said as he picked up the small wooden top that was lying next to the Menorah. "A dreidel is a four-sided top with Hebrew letters distributed one to each side. Traditionally, these letters stand for the sentence: A `great miracle happened there'."

Hutch sat and thought, Oh, yes. Thank you, HaShem, for keeping him alive and sustaining him, and bringing him here to this time. For a great miracle has indeed happened here!

*~*~*~*~*~*

Starsky's Christmas Miracle

Hutch sat at his desk trying to finish up his paperwork. All he could think about was getting home to his partner. Hutch always volunteered to work Christmas Eve so that the married officers could have the time off. Usually he didn't mind. But this year all he could think about was getting home to Starsky. Home, that's what it was to him. He hadn't felt like this about anyplace since his Grandfather had died. But since Starsky had been shot, Hutch had come to realize what his partner meant to him. After he had moved in with Starsky to take care of him, Starsky's apartment had become home. A real home, the one he had always dreamed of, not just a place to eat and sleep. All because of Starsky.

Starsky thought that Hutch was only there to help him out in his recovery. What Starsky didn't realize is that it was he that gave Hutch's life meaning. Starsky was Hutch's guiding light in the darkness. Starsky lit up the room with his joy and zest for life. They had spent other Christmases together, but this one was different. This year Christmas meant so much more. More than it ever had in his life. He had never felt this way about anyone, not even Vanessa. Still Hutch couldn't bring himself to tell Starsky that he was in love with him.

I should tell him, he thought. I shouldn't let another day go by without telling him how I feel about him. I have seen so much death since I became a cop, both officers and civilians, and the first thing I hear from those left behind is I never got the chance to tell them I love them. Starsky almost died and I never told him. I still haven't told him. No, time is too short and life too unexpected to pass up the chance to tell the people you love how you feel.

Hutch looked at his watch. It was nine o'clock he had two more hours to go on his shift. If the traffic wasn't too heavy he should get home before midnight. I'm going to tell him tonight, Hutch thought. I'm not going to waste anymore time. Even if Starsky doesn't feel the same way. I have to tell him what's in my heart. Hutch went back to work feeling a sense of peace at finally having made his decision.

~*~

Starsky stood in the living room and looked at the decorations and smiled. The little tree that Hutch had brought home was lit. The candles of the Menorah had already been lit and put out one-half hour later as per custom, so Starsky had lit some bayberry candles and scattered them around the apartment. He had the radio on and Christmas carols played softly in the background. There were a few packages under the tree for Hutch. Starsky had asked Huggy to take him shopping while Hutch was at work. He had also made a special dinner of roast chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. He had turned on the oven timer so that the chicken would be done by the time Hutch got home. Starsky had been so depressed and in such a bad mood lately that he was trying to make it up to his partner.

Starsky went to the couch and sat down. He had done more this afternoon than usual with the shopping and dinner and he was tired, so he thought he would rest before Hutch got home. He smiled again at that thought, Hutch and home. The two seemed like the same word to him. Because Hutch was here his apartment had a real sense of home now, something Starsky hadn't felt since his childhood. When he came to California to live with his Aunt and Uncle they tried to make him feel welcome and loved. But nothing had ever quite been the same, until now. Now, after all these years he had finally come home.

Hutch was strong and supportive yet kind and gentle. Hutch was so confident in his own strength that he could reach out to Starsky with that loving heart and show him how much he cared. If it hadn't been for Hutch, Starsky didn't think he could have held on through all those weeks in the hospital and months of recuperation.

I've got to tell him, Starsky thought. I shouldn't let another day go by without telling him what he means to me, how much I need him, how much I love him. Life's too precious to take for granted. Even if he leaves, even if he hates me, I need to tell him. But in the deepest part of his soul he knew that Hutch would never hate him, even if he didn't feel the same way, they would always be friends and partners.

Starsky lay down and watched the blinking lights of the Christmas tree. As the day started to take its toll on him he drifted off to sleep thinking of Hutch and home.

~*~

Hutch opened the door at eleven twenty, the traffic had been surprisingly light and he had made the drive from the precinct in good time. He smiled as he looked around the apartment. The blinking lights of the Christmas tree, the soft flickering of the candles, the softly playing carols, all seemed to be saying `welcome home'. He saw Starsky lying on the couch asleep.

He was curled on one side with his head nestled in the crook of his elbow. Hutch sat down on the coffee table and watched him sleep. His lashes were dark against his still pale cheeks. His curly hair that had grown too long during his convalescence framed his face and reflected the light of the flickering candles. He was wearing an old, ratty looking sweater and faded jeans. Hutch's breath caught as he looked at him. He is absolutely beautiful, he thought.

Hutch just sat and looked at Starsky drinking in the sight. Starsky was tough and streetwise. He was handsome, strong and masculine. But as he slept there seemed to be a softness there; a vulnerability. He looked at Starsky's full and sensual lips; lips that he would love to kiss, the beautiful mouth he would love to taste. As Hutch reached out and stroked Starsky's hair his eyelids fluttered open.

"Hutch." Starsky started to sit up.

"Hey, Buddy, I didn't mean to wake you. Just lie still."

"What time is it? I meant to have dinner ready when you got home."

"It's okay, just relax. You must be tired after all you've done today. The place looks great. I see you've been shopping. How in the world did you manage that?"

"Huggy. I wanted to surprise you. I kind of wanted to make up to you for the way I've been acting lately." He looked down unable to meet Hutch's gaze. "I'm sorry I've been such a jerk."

"Well, I'm certainly surprised. But, you are not a jerk. You don't have to make up to me for anything, you've had a right to be depressed after all you've been through."

"Hutch, I'm glad you're here."

"So am I, Buddy." Hutch reached out a hand and caressed Starsky's cheek, then carded his fingers through his hair. Starsky leaned into Hutch's hand and relished his touch.

"Starsk, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time but I never could get up the nerve."

"Hutch, there's something I've been wanting to tell you too."

"No please, let me say this while I've worked up my courage. I love you, Starsk, I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time. I've been afraid to tell you. I didn't want it to destroy our friendship. After the shooting you were going through so much that I kept telling myself that you had to concentrate on getting well, that you didn't need any extra pressure, but the truth is I just couldn't get up the courage to tell you. But I've realized after everything that's happened, you can't take anything for granted. I just want you to know that even if you don't feel the same about me, we'll always be
friends. I'll always be here for you no matter what." Starsky reached out and took Hutch's hands and pulled him toward him. Then he put his hand in Hutch's hair and pulled him down and softly kissed Hutch's lips. Hutch kissed him back again and again, each kiss longer and deeper. Soon Hutch's tongue slid between Starsky's lips and the passion deepened. Starsky pulled back and looked at Hutch. He saw such love on Hutch's face that he wanted to weep with the sheer joy of it. After several minutes of their tongues exploring each other's mouths, Hutch started raining kisses on Starsky's jaw and then traveled down to his neck, then as much of his chest he could reach through the v- necked sweater. "Oh, God, Hutch! I love you! I just can't do much right now to show you." Starsky whispered.

"Buddy, we've got the rest of our lives. I'm not going anywhere."

They cuddled together by the flickering candlelight listening to the carols playing softly on the radio.

"You know what, Hutch? I've loved you for so long it seems like a miracle we're finally together after all this time."

"Well, Starsk, this is the season of miracles. Merry Christmas, Buddy, I love you.

"I love you too, Hutch, with all my heart. Just Me and Thee."

"Just Me and Thee Starsk"


~*~*~*~*~
Happy Chanukah & Merry Christmas