Title: After Thor Got His Hammer Back (Viking Person)

Author: Scarlet

Series: TOS

Rating: R

Codes: K/S, A/U

Originally titled "Viking Person", this short story is a sequelto "How Thor Got His Hammer Back", but also a contribution to the "Rude Person" series that has been running on the ascem newsgroup (alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated) for some time.

The series started with "I'm Norra Rude Person: Pon Farr Wi'out A Lass" by JessinEngland, a story in Yorkshire dialect about Kirk, Spock, a malfunctioning shuttlecraft, and an unexpected attack of pon farr.

This plot has been re-written in accents Minnesotan, Italian, German and Californian; it has been told and re-told by marxists, lumberjacks, Vulcans, Jewish mothers and post-modernists. We have seen K/S as it would have been written by Joseph Conrad or Jane Austen.

This is the Old Norse version, a Viking tale that never made it to the written records.


After Thor Got His Hammer Back
by Scarlet

I thank you for giving me shelter from the snowstorm and for sharing with me your good food and plentiful drink. In return for your hospitality, I could perhaps entertain you with a tale from my homeland.

Have you all heard the tale of how Thor got his Hammer back? You have. Did you also hear of the strange events that occurred during his journey back to Asgard? No?

Know, then, that as Thor, the Thunder God, and his good friend Loki, the Trickster God, were riding homeward in Thor's chariot after retrieving his Hammer from the thieving Giants, one of his magnificent he-goats injured its leg and the chariot plunged to the ground.

The two Aesir Gods found themselves in a desolate part of Midgard, the home of Mankind. And it was late autumn, and it was cold, and it was raining.

They sook refuge in a cave, did the Aesir friends, and their goats. Thor carried the wounded animal across his broad shoulders.

Now behold, if you can, in your mind's eye, the two divine beings, lost in the land of mortals: The bright Thor and the dark Loki, both still in women's clothing, for as you remember, they were forced to disguise themselves as women to reclaim the stolen Hammer. Thor was a stunning sight as always, with the green gown, now wet from the rain, clinging to his well-muscled body. Looking at him from behind, Loki had a vision of two perfect meatballs wrapped in a green cabbage-leaf on a smorgasbord in Valhalla.

"What is amiss, my friend?" Thor asked. "You look not well."

"Something is amiss, alas", admitted Loki. "Something having to do with -- biology."

Thor groaned. "Have we had this conversation before?"

And indeed they had. Loki's mixed heritage was the cause of many a biological oddity about him. He was the father of the Death Goddess Hel, the sea serpent Jormungandr and the mischievous grey wolf Fenrir. He was also, through some shape-changing magic Thor really did not wish to know about, the *mother* of an eight-legged horse named Sleipnir.

And then there was the age-old curse: Every seven years, he must take a mate or die.

"I see your predicament." Thor frowned. "But this is not a matter in which I can assist you."

"But not long ago, you spoke of our friendship -- "

"What you want of me is not possible. "I simply can not allow it."

"Do you mean -- "

"You can not have my goats. Certainly not the one which is wounded."

Loki made a small, choked sound. "I do not covet your goats."

"Then what -- ?"

"Thor -- would you not raise your skirt for me?"

Thor had never raised his skirt for another man in his life.

But then, he had never worn a skirt before in his life.

"What about your Hammer? What about about the wall around Asgard? What about the time I tied a live goat to my own testicles to appease that vindictive Giant lady?" Loki half pleaded, half demanded.

"You do indeed get my goat", Thor muttered between clenched teeth.

"I clearly said I did not want -- "

"Come, and speak no more."

Thor laid down on the floor of the cave, and one does not have to be all-seeing like Odin or all-knowing like Mimir to understand what followed next. Let it only be said that the Gods live by the Viking Law, stating that every gift requires a gift in return.

And then, a golden chariot landed outside the cave.

Thor ran out to greet the driver. "Heimdal! How the Hel did you find us? Will you take us home? And what shall we do with my wounded he-goat?"

"I am a Sun God, not a healer", Heimdal snapped. "But gather your skirts and your goats, and I will take you in tow back to Asgard."

"And the next time you plan to perform the Ride of the Valkyries, I expect an invitation."

Thank you for listening to my tale. Now, would somebody pass the mead horn?


END