An Appointment With Dr. Birch

By Scarlet

Series: TOS

Rating: NC-17

Codes: Kirk/McCoy

Summary: Kirk and McCoy play doctor.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the sickbay, the doctor, and the patient. If I could make any money from these fantasies, I would be filthy rich, not just filthy-minded.

An Appointment With Dr. Birch

By Scarlet

"You're in great shape, Jim. I can't believe you actually followed my orders this time."

Dr. McCoy beamed at the visibly pleased captain, who was standing in his underwear in front of a full-length mirror McCoy had brought into sickbay.

"See what the right diet and the right training can do? We all want you to stick around as long as possible, you know. And a well-groomed body can be useful on shore leave too, right, Jim?" McCoy winked.

"You're a dirty old man, Bones." Kirk grinned. "But I've had no complaints so far."

Suddenly, McCoy frowned. "Not yet, I'm sure. But if you really want to keep up your reputation as a ladies' man, there is something you should start paying attention to."

"And that is?"

"No -- it's really not my business. I mean, literally not. I'm a doctor, not a beautician, dammit."

Kirk chuckled, but he was getting a little annoyed. "You think I need a beautician? Speak up, man."

"Well -- " McCoy smiled reluctantly. "All right, just stop me if you think I'm out of line here, Jim. But I met a Swedish doctor at a medical convention on Rigel IV, and she introduced me to a treatment that she said was the best ever to preserve a nice- looking derriere."

"Nice-looking what?!"

"That's the word she used. Posteriors, behind, gluteus maximus. Don't tell me you don't know ladies admire a shapely butt, Jim."

Kirk started pacing a little. "OK -- OK. Who doesn't? But why do you think I should start paying attention to it?"

"Stand still, and I'll tell you. Back to the mirror. Turn around. Now, if you'll permit me -- "

McCoy grabbed a handful of Kirk's smooth, round buttock and squeezed. "This is what it will look like in ten years." He lowered his voice. "Cellulite, Jim."

Kirk looked at the bumps and wrinkles with horror. "And you can do something about this?"

"There is an old, all-natural way of preventing this harmless, but unaesthetic condition, and it's called birching."

Kirk gave the doctor a puzzled look. "Are you sure?"

"Sure as can be. The twigs of the birch tree are extremely pliant, and can be used for a type of -- massage -- that does wonders for the blood circulation in that difficult area of the body."

He winked at the captain again. "And my esteemed colleague who told me about this had the nicest little

ass in the quadrant, so how could I not believe her?"

Kirk cleared his throat, obviously interested. "And how is this -- massage -- administered?"

"Well, you can't do it yourself. You'll need a friend, or a doctor. And as I hope I qualify as both, why don't you lie down, and I'll show you?"

Kirk seemed uncertain, but McCoy gestured to one of the beds. "On your stomach, if you please. I'll get the equipment. My colleague was kind enough to give me one of those whachamacallits -- "

McCoy returned from a cupboard with a bunch of slender birch branches. He swung it around, and it made a soft whooshing sound.

"A rod. She called it a birch rod."

The doctor covered Kirk's upper body with a blanket for comfort, and then in a free and easy fashion removed the captains briefs. For a moment, he admired the perfect roundness, firmness and tautness laid out before him. Then, he had to turn around and bite his lower lip to prevent himself from laughing. He was going to give his captain a good birching, and in the name of medicine. God, sometimes it wasn't so bad to be a doctor.

McCoy let the rod fall. Kirk jumped.

"Sorry, Jim -- did that hurt?"

Astonished, Kirk waited for the pain to slowly fade to a burn, and then to a tingling. It took surprisingly long. "It -- smarts a little."

"That's the idea. It makes your blood rush to your skin, washing away any fat molecules or waste products that are clogging your system. But I'll try to go easy."

"Bones, I'm not made of porcelain. I trust your judgement as a doctor."

McCoy hoisted the bouquet of birch twigs again. The *whoosh* was followed by a soft *plaff* as it landed on James Kirk's naked bottom.

The branches were so long, and so many, that each stroke covered the handsome, muscular butt almost completely. It didn't take McCoy long to colour it a lovely shade of pink.

"Of course, in older days, these twigs were used freshly from the trees. Birch trees are filled with lots of sap, which was supposed to have all these beneficial properties. Nowadays, they prepare the twigs with various chemicals to keep them supple."

Kirk grunted something that was supposed to mean "that's really interesting, please continue". In reality, he felt as if every nerve in the lower part of his body was on fire. His buns were burning like a furnace, he felt his blood rushing, his arteries throbbing -- throbbing --

Oh no. Not that. Not now...

When the captain's behind was glowing red like a Vulcan sunset, the doctor decided to call it a day. This was probably as good as it would get. And it had been an experience good enough to sustain his fantasies for a week.

"You can get up now, Jim."

"I'd rather not."

Kirk was facing away from McCoy, but the doctor could easily see that the captain's neck and ears were almost the same colour as his backside. And his breathing had become shallow.

"Well, fuck-a-doodle-doo", McCoy muttered to himself.

"What's that?"

"What ever you do", McCoy said aloud, fetching a bottle of lotion, "you should get this treatment at least once a week." He started smoothing out the lotion over Kirk's bright red cheeks, and even dared a light touch between them. When Kirk didn't protest, McCoy made another move.

"While I'm in the neighbourhood, so to speak, Jim, you've never had any trouble with hemorrhoids?"

"Negative."

"You do spend an awful lot of time sitting in that command chair."

"I don't!"

"Maybe you don't think so, but you spend a lot of time sitting on your ass, if I may be so brazen. And I know there are more than a few starship captains who get that kind of trouble. It's easily cured, of course, but prevention is always preferable to curative medicine."

"Don't tell me birch twigs are involved."

McCoy laughed. "Don't worry, but you're on the right track. The answer is, again, improved blood circulation through massage. You sure you've never felt any pain there?"

"Never."

"Not even if I apply a little pressure -- here?"

A grunt and a shake of the dark blond head.

"And you don't feel any discomfort if I do -- this?"

Kirk moved, but not away from McCoy's touch. The experienced doctor had no trouble noticing that his captain involuntarily jerked his hips in a way that only facilitated the exploration.

McCoy's eyes widened. He had never believed he would get this far, but struggled to sound like his usual, professional self.

"Yeah, like I said, massage is the answer." He poured a generous amount of lotion into the cleft between those gorgeous cheeks. "There are numerous methods, of course. This is a device I bought in a medical articles' store on Betelgeuse V..."

Kirk's breath stuck for a moment in his throat when the medical article from Betelgeuse V was inserted into the most sensitive part of his body.

Too late to get out of this now. Too late to back away -- as if he could back anywhere in this position...

"Of course", McCoy said, the effect is highly enhanced when you turn on the vibration."

"Nnnghhh", agreed Kirk.

"And then you move it like this -- "

"Mmmmmhhhh... "

It was time to get a professional grip on the situation, so McCoy reached down and gripped Kirk's aching cock with his other hand. The doctor's strong, skillful fingers, combined with the powerful stimulation from within, took away the last remnants of the captain's control, and he groaned aloud as his semen spurted into McCoy's hand.

When Kirk could breathe normally again, he looked up with a lopsided grin that seemed to say, "why, you rascal, that was a dirty trick and I loved every moment" -- but then his eyes lowered and focussed on a point of interest on McCoy's anatomy.

"Bones! Is that a photon torpedo in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Not waiting for an answer, Kirk freed the doctor's hard-on from the restraining pants.

"You've been working too hard, doctor. You have a lot of tension in your body. Especially here."

As Kirk's strong right hand proved that two could play this game, McCoy moaned and arched his hips forward. "Open your mouth, Jim boy -- I have a protein drink ready for you."

Kirk let his lips and tongue play with the swollen head of McCoy's cock while he slipped a finger up his back passage. The doctor moaned again and came in Kirk's mouth.

The captain of the Enterprise licked his lips. "And this is part of the treatment, too, I suppose?"

"Dr. McCoy's Special Protein Tonic", the grinning doctor answered. "Does wonders for the -- for the -- oh, what the hell. That felt good!"

"I must say I feel quite refreshed myself, Bones."

"Remember, your health is important to all of us, not to mention Starfleet. Make sure to get your treatment on a regular basis."

"I'm going to get some sleep. Should I call you in the morning?"

"Just ask for Dr. Birch."

THE END