Crystal Clear - Bondmates
by Doris Schmill
doris.schmill@berlin.de

Kirk winced as he shrugged into his uniform top. His shoulder wound, where a ricochet had hit, scraping his collarbone, still had not mended. It was a reminder of an incident during their last planetside assignment, when Spock had so nearly died. The healing trance he had eventually entered with Kirk's help had kept him alive - though just barely - until the Enterprise returned for them.

Both he and Spock had been in sickbay for two weeks. Kirk went back to light duty at his own request, but for once even being on the bridge of his ship did nothing to really get his mind off his worries. He was preoccupied and he knew it. Ever since the incident on that planet, Kirk had been plagued by worries he himself could not really define. The possibility of losing his Vulcan friend had been too close for comfort that time.

Thanks to McCoy's skilled surgery and the Vulcan's stamina, Spock had pulled through, and there wouldn't even be any permanent damage although he was still rather weak. It had been touch and go for several days, however, and Kirk wondered if the risk Spock had taken to save his life hadn't been one time too many. Yet Kirk knew that Spock would do it again, just as he had been willing to risk his life by melding with Spock so that he could initiate the healing trance.

The Captain remembered painfully that when Spock finally came to in sickbay his first inquiry had been about Kirk's condition. This time Spock hadn't been able to turn down the medical leave McCoy had prescribed for both of them. The surgeon would accompany them as medical supervisor, though Kirk doubted that that was his major motive. In spite of the reason for their leave, Kirk had to admit to himself that he was looking forward to it. It had been months since he and McCoy had been on leave, and the last of the rare occasions when he had been able to persuade Spock to join him dated back even further.

For the moment, however, Spock was not yet in shape to get any - even a Vulcan - kind of enjoyment out of their scheduled leave. Although he had been released from sickbay the same day as Kirk, he was far from recovered. His road to recovery was painful and slow. In the many off-duty hours that they spent over the chess board in Spock's quarters, to which McCoy had finally, grudgingly, released him, Kirk could tell that his friend was still in pain although Spock's Vulcan mask was firmly in place. It wasn't usual for the Vulcan's concentration to slip. Sometimes he had even had Spock apologizing on account of it.

Kirk squared his shoulders when he had finished dressing. Maybe tonight the Vulcan would feel better, though he would probably never put it in those words. Ever since the accident, Kirk had, in fact, wondered if his friend was becoming moody. At times the evenings spent over the chess board were not as relaxing as they usually were. Spock was trying to be "two hundred percent Vulcan again", as McCoy had put it, and sometimes Kirk could sense an underlying tenseness in his friend that had not been there before. It was at those times that Kirk almost loathed joining the Vulcan for their customary game of chess.

For Kirk himself, the planetside experience had taken on a nightmarish quality. He knew that he was blaming himself for what had happened to Spock, but then, there was nothing he could have done about it.

That night Spock was again as reticent as always since the accident, although Kirk found that the Vulcan's concentration was not failing him any more. Instead, his own mind began to wander. He was brought out of his reverie when he sensed the Vulcan's eyes upon him. He glanced up from the chess board, but Spock's face was expressionless again before Kirk could be sure what he had read there.

Kirk reached to move his rook and then set it down heavily. "What's wrong, Spock?" he asked. "Aren't you feeling well?"

"My physical condition is satisfactory. I should be able to resume my duties within a few days."

"McCoy doesn't think so, Spock. Besides, that wasn't really what I was referring to. I can see that something is bothering you. Why won't you tell me what it is?"

"Captain, I assure you there is no reason for concern on your part."

Kirk felt rejected, but in spite of the hurt he tried again. "Spock, please - let me help."

"I do not require assistance, Captain," Spock intoned. With a movement slightly less swift than usual, Spock pushed back his chair, straightened, and rose. "If you will excuse me, Captain. I suggest that we adjourn our game as I wish to meditate before retiring for the night."

Kirk could barely control his rising anger. "Damnit, Spock, you don't have to sweet-talk me out of your quarters. I'm glad to leave, and I won't come back unless... " Fuming, he broke off and stormed from the room.

Outside in the corridor, Kirk halted and reconsidered his action. Of course he shouldn't have behaved as he had just done. Instead of reaching the Vulcan, he had acted like an imbecile, perhaps creating a gulf between himself and his First Officer that could not be bridged. For a moment Kirk contemplated returning to Spock's quarters to apologize and attempt again to reach him, but Spock obviously did not wish to open up to him, and even if he did, Kirk doubted that in his present state of mind he would be much of a help to the Vulcan.

For a while, Kirk wandered the corridors aimlessly, knowing that he would not be able to sleep. It would not be the first night he went without sleep, Kirk thought bitterly. The past few nights he had wakened from a nightmare, beaded with sweat, and had been unable to go back to sleep. He never could recall the nature of his bad dreams. So far he had resisted the temptation of asking McCoy for a stronger soporific, for he knew that if he did, the Doctor was going to question him or even run psychological tests on him, a prospect he was not particularly keen to face.

Kirk's hand went up to his temple. The headache he had been able to push to the back of his mind during the day had started pounding again. The medication McCoy had given him for it was not helping. Resignedly, Kirk turned and headed for sickbay. If he got something to get rid of his headache and help him to sleep he would even be willing to listen to another one of McCoy's lectures. Besides, at that time of night, there was a fair chance that the good Doctor had retired to his quarters.

When the doors to sickbay hissed open in front of him, Kirk saw immediately that his wish was not to be. The Doctor was sitting at a computer terminal amidst a mass of forms and computer printouts. He looked up when he heard the doors opening.

"Well, Jim, have you come to rescue me from all this paperwork? Can't you put in a word at Starfleet Command that - " A second look at Kirk made him break off. "Jim, you look terrible. What's wrong?"

"Headache."

"Didn't you take that stuff I gave you last night?"

"I did, but it didn't work. Can't you give me something else?"

"Not before I have a closer look at you."

He led Kirk to one of the diagnostic beds. After busying himself with the instruments for a while ,McCoy looked up. "How long has it been since you last got a decent night's sleep, Jim?

"I... I don't know. Why?"

"Well, you come down here with dark rings under your eyes, complaining about a constant headache. Believe me, your kindly doctor knows the symptoms of lack of sleep when he sees them. Maybe it was a mistake to put you back on duty so soon. Is your shoulder giving you any trouble?"

"No!" Kirk snapped. Then, sitting on the diagnostic couch, he lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bones."

"That's all right." McCoy pointed towards his office. "We can talk in there."

Once they were seated comfortably inside McCoy's office over some brandy, Kirk took a deep breath. "It's Spock, Bones."

"Oh? So what's new?"

"No, Bones, I'm serious. I don't know how to put this, or if there is, in fact, any reason for it, but I'm worried about Spock. He's been acting so... strangely."

"What gave you reason to worry, and what exactly is 'strange'?"

"First I put it down to his injuries, but... I don't know... Spock seems to be... preoccupied at times, and I can't really reach him. - Do you think it might be... another bout of... a Vulcan biological need?"

McCoy grinned. "I can tell you have been around Spock quite a lot recently. Some of his speech patterns must have rubbed off on you. To answer your question, though, I don't think we have to worry about that. The Vulcan mating cycle occurs every seven years as you know. Spock's Human heritage may be an uncertainty factor, but it wouldn't recur after only a few months. Besides, signs would have showed up during all those tests I ran on him, and you know I'm still keeping a constant check on him."

"But then why is he so... "

"Vulcan? Come on, Jim, that shouldn't worry you. I don't think you need me to explain it to you. We've both seen it happen before. Down on that planet, Spock lost control due to that injury, and now he thinks he has to make up for it by acting twice as Vulcan as before."

Kirk considered that for a moment. "I guess you're right, Bones. But it hurts, it really does. You know, we're right back where we started. And yet, there is something... something I can't quite put my finger on."

"Don't worry, Jim. He'll snap out of it eventually."

"But then, why does he keep looking at me so... oddly... at times?"

"Look, Jim, this isn't getting us anywhere. You get some sleep, and maybe tomorrow when we talk it over we'll come up with something."

"I won't be able to sleep, Bones. That's why I came here in the first place."

"All right, I'll give you something to help you sleep, but you have to promise me that you'll go straight to bed when you've taken it, for the stuff is very powerful."

McCoy went over to a cabinet, took out a bottle from which he shook two pills, and handed them to the Captain. Kirk took them, nodded his thanks, and rose to leave.

McCoy remained seated, staring at the door which had closed after Kirk. Maybe he would be better to have Spock checked over once again. Kirk was incredibly perceptive to any change in his Vulcan friend. On a few occasions, Kirk had ordered the Vulcan down to Sickbay when he sensed that something was wrong, even if it was only a minor ailment that the Vulcan himself would never have complained about. McCoy smiled at the memory of having a rather grumpy Vulcan with a cold and tonsillitis in Sickbay for three days. Yet on that occasion, Spock had been on the brink of
pneumonia after getting drenched to the bones on a planetside assignment. Manning his post in an emergency, the Vulcan had successfully disguised the symptoms from all but Kirk, who had immediately ordered him down to Sickbay.

Afterwards, McCoy had argued with the Vulcan about the irrationality of his behavior. McCoy knew that the Vulcan was convinced that he could handle any 'discomforts' by mental disciplines and would report to Sickbay only in the case of something akin to Rigellian Fever.

For a moment McCoy pondered looking in on the Vulcan immediately, but then decided against it. He had checked him over only that morning, and although Spock's injuries would take time to mend fully and still caused him considerable discomfort, he was slowly but surely recovering. It would be sufficient if he examined the Vulcan the next day. Besides, he had been thorough, and it was just as likely that the strain was finally catching up on Kirk, making him see dangers where there were none. McCoy was determined to keep a close eye on both his friends. It was high time that they reached the planet where the two were to spend their medical leave.

* * * * *

Ten more days had passed before they had reached the planet of their destination. During that time, Spock's health had improved to such a degree that once in an ion storm, he was even able to man his post on the bridge. Afterwards, he had spent a few hours each day in the science lab studying the data collected during the storm, with McCoy's reluctant agreement.

Yet McCoy had to admit to himself that he had hoped the partial return to duty would draw the Vulcan out of the self-imposed isolation he had been in ever since the accident. The thorough physical he had subjected the Vulcan to the day after his talk with Kirk had shown nothing wrong with him aside from his injuries, which were healing as well as could be expected. Kirk seemed to have accepted the change in the Vulcan for the time being, but McCoy was worried about Kirk, nevertheless. For once, the Captain did not have a weight problem, but had lost a considerable amount. McCoy had hoped that the medical leave would put the matter right, although he grew increasingly sure that there was more to it than Spock's recent injury and Kirk's resultant concern.

The planet McCoy had selected for their leave while Scott was taking the Enterprise on some test trials after a major overhaul was an earthlike colony which had both the wild beauty of a frontier planet and the comforts and facilities only a Federation Outpost could offer.

They were staying in a three-bedroom log cabin which was equipped with a modern telecom unit as well as with an open fireplace. McCoy had hoped that the evenings spent in the cozy den in front of the fireplace would ease the tension between his two friends and would give each of them a chance to simply relax in each other's company. Instead, he found that he had come to dread those evenings.

During the day, each of them usually found something to keep himself busy. Spock insisted he had to catch up on some scientific works he studied over the computer outlet in his room. Kirk went on long hikes, and McCoy either busied himself around the house or studied the surrounding flora.

After five days spent planetside, McCoy found himself growing increasingly bored. The evenings spent together were anything but relaxing. The first two nights, Kirk and Spock had feigned to be silently absorbed in their game of chess, but when neither of them seemed to get any enjoyment out of it, they finally aborted it. McCoy had then determinedly tried to get a conversation going, but in the few cases when he did get a response from one of his friend, it usually was a monosyllable only.

Spock pretended to be exhausted and retired early. Kirk, on the other hand, that morning had finally done what McCoy expected him to all along. After getting drunk in the solitude of his bedroom the previous night, this evening he had set out to hit the town. Although he was worried about his friend getting drunk again, McCoy hoped that the change of surroundings and the change of meeting some pretty woman would snap Kirk out of his brooding. Kirk had announced that he was probably not returning that night, and McCoy silently wished with all his might that his friend would indeed find the relaxation and distraction he needed so much.

He pottered around the kitchen, fixing dinner for himself and his Vulcan companion while watching Spock through the open kitchen door. The Vulcan was sitting silently with his fingers steepled in front of the open fireplace. To all who did not know him well enough, he would have been a perfect study of Vulcan calmness, but over the years McCoy had come to know him well enough to sense an underlying tenseness in the stern bearing of his friend. It was as if his two friends were falling slowly to pieces, and, damnit, both really were his friends. McCoy could not completely pinpoint what was wrong, but he instinctively felt that something was amiss between the two, something that seriously endangered that unique friendship of theirs.

McCoy threw another glance at the silent silhouette of the Vulcan outlined against the fireplace in the dim twilight of the sitting room, and decided it was time that he and the Vulcan had a talk.

* * * * *

Kirk eyed his female companion somewhat warily. She certainly wasn't unattractive; a petite redhead whose slanted green eyes and long sideburns gave her a certain exotic, feline appearance. Though Kirk wasn't exactly sure which cradle she had sprung from, he didn't think there would be any irreconcilable anatomical differences... Yet he began to wonder if sex really was what he wanted that night. His mind was becoming fuddled although he had not intended to get drunk again that night. Either his tolerance level wasn't up to his usual standards or he had lost track in spite of himself.

He looked again at his companion. He realized that they hadn't done much talking the whole evening, and suddenly he also became aware of the fact that he didn't even know his companion's name. If he was going to take her to bed - and he had promised himself that he was going to enjoy himself that night - he should at least know her name. Feeling slightly awkward, he leaned over to her. "I'm sorry, but I seem to have forgotten your name... "

"Does it really matter, cherie?" she purred. "Besides, you haven't told me yours, either. But if it pleases you, I will tell you... "

She snuggled up closer to him and trailed her fingers along his neck. Kirk began to feel slightly uncomfortable. He hadn't realized that he was that far gone. He had come to the bar to get a bit of diversion, but not to take advantage of a girl without even giving his name. Kirk felt himself blush. Managing a half smile, he said apologetically, "It's Jim. Jim Kirk. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. I'm not making a lot of sense, am I?"

Suddenly he felt panic rising within him. He had to get out. As he tried to untangle himself from her arms, she drew him even closer.

"Hush, don't let it worry you. Just relax, Jim. That's what we are here for. And you call me Burry... "

In his befuddled state, it took the words a moment to sink in. So his companion wasn't a lucky chance acquaintance but a professional... This certainly wasn't what he had had in mind. In vain he tried again to get away from her. When she covered his mouth with a long, wet kiss, however, he felt his resistance melt away and a warmth of desire began to fill him instead. After returning her kiss, he ordered them another drink.

Later, Kirk never remembered how many drinks they had had or how they ended up in the cheap windout that presumably was called a hotel. The small portion of his mind that had retained a certain degree of sanity felt vaguely embarrassed when Burry had to help him undress, but his body did not mid her attention in the least. When she had at last maneuvered him into bed and began to make love to him, he let go the last of his reserve. He didn't care any more if she was expecting to be paid for her service or not, even though he could not remember her making any such statement. This was his night - his chance to get away from all his worries for a while. He had not even told her he was a Starfleet officer. For tonight, all he wanted to do was forget. He felt her hands gently stroking his chest, moving upwards to his neck, and then reaching for his face, blurrily touching a half-buried memory at the back of his mind. Eagerly, he turned his face to meet her hands.

Then suddenly, as her fingertips reached his temples, he felt white-hot searing pain shooting into his mind, and he screamed.

* * * * *

McCoy pushed back his barely touched plate and glared at the Vulcan seated silently across from him. "I've had enough of this, Spock! We've got to talk!"

"As you seem to have already made up your mind about it, that seems unavoidable, Doctor," the Vulcan replied evenly.

McCoy felt anger rising, but realizing that that would not help the situation in any way, fought it down. He studied the Vulcan closely.

Despite Spock's outward calm, McCoy recognized the lines of worry etched around the Vulcan's mouth, the mask he usually wore only when Kirk was in trouble. He had no right to be hard on his Vulcan friend. He probably was under as much inner tension as Kirk, only he did not have any outlet for it.

"I'm sorry, Spock. I shouldn't have snapped at you like I just did," he apologized quietly. "Look, I have watched this going on ever since you came to in Sickbay after that accident back on that darn planet. What's wrong, Spock?"

"Doctor, there is nothing 'wrong' that we have to discuss."

"Well, bull! There definitely is something wrong between you and Jim. Even the most casual observer would have noticed that you and Jim have hardly spoken a word to each other ever since we came here. No, don't interrupt me! Damnit I'm your friend, and I have a right to know why you are doing this to yourself - and Jim. Can't you see Jim is fretting his heart out?"

McCoy's words were met only with silence, and for a moment he thought the Vulcan would give him no answer. Yet when he looked at him closely, he could see him swallow hard - that involuntary gesture that indicated that the Vulcan was tense or troubled. At the same time, it seemed that the dark eyes which now looked at him contemplatingly were even more penetrating than before. When the Vulcan finally spoke, it was in such a low voice that McCoy had to strain to hear what he was saying.

"You are very perceptive, Doctor, and yet you do not seem to see the obvious. You were down on that planet with us and saw what happened, but you fail to realize... When he melded with me, the Captain risked his life. Such must never happen again."

"Poppycock!" McCoy snorted. Wouldn't you do the same for him? Haven't you, in fact, done just that for him - several times? Or how do you explain taking that bullet instead of Jim down there?"

"I did what logic prescribed. I saved a senior officer's life and prevented our mission from becoming endangered. Had the Captain been injured, chances would have been that we were discovered by the natives as strangers. As you know, observance of the Prime Directive under such circumstances is of cardinal importance. The Captain, on the other hand, risked his life needlessly. In the cave, we were safe from discovery. An officer as valuable as the Captain must not sacrifice his life out of what I believe to be some sort of personal attachment. Therefore, a professional kind of detachment is necessary to prevent this from happening again."

"Damnit, Spock, Jim is your friend! Just a few months ago, you called both of us friends. Don't you realize that it is this special affinity between you and Jim that has made you into the best team in Starfleet? And even if you leave out the friendship aspect, your logic is more than flawed. When you took that slug meant for Jim, you took an even greater risk of violating the Prime Directive than if Jim had been injured. Remember that cold stuff in your veins masquerading as blood is green? Well, you should have remembered that the natives checked out 98.7% humanlike in their physical makeup on the ship's sensors. One of the likenesses is that their blood is iron based, which means that in all probability it is red. Now think of what might have happened had the natives decided to follow that nice little green trail you left trickling from your wound! Not only would we all have been discovered, but you would have given away that we were different, off-worlders. As for Jim's action, back then I didn't approve of it, but I was simply too scared about losing both of you to see the logic and necessity of it. Didn't it occur to you that you are just as valuable a Starfleet officer as Jim himself? And without the other, each of you is only half as valuable. Besides, there is the Human quality called loyalty and responsibility towards others. If Jim had not tried to save you, he would have blamed himself for not trying - as I would have, for that matter!"

McCoy broke off when he noticed Spock suddenly sitting boldly upright. His anger finally spilled over. "Have you bothered to listen at all? I think I could just as well be talking to the wall!"

Spock looked at him, blank-faced. "Something is wrong with Jim."

"Now he notices! That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. If you just cared to listen - "

"No, Doctor." Spock's voice became urgent. "It's more serious. Jim is..."

Suddenly Spock swayed and reached out a hand to the table to steady himself. Then his hands went up to his temples.

His anger forgotten, McCoy rushed to his side immediately. "What is it, Spock? What's wrong?"

The Vulcan was in no fit state to answer any questions, however. Even without a medical scanner, McCoy recognized shock symptoms. Spock's normally dry, hot skin felt damp and cold. Reaching for the Vulcan's pulse, only to realize that he could make no sense out of the almost non existent flicker under his fingers, McCoy placed a hand on Spock's shoulder.

"Don't move - I'm just getting my kit."

The Vulcan would not have been able to move even if he had wanted to. When McCoy returned with his medical pouch, he immediately ran his scanner over the Vulcan's form. Just as he did so the readings stabilized. The Vulcan straightened and tried to stand. McCoy immediately placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Just where do you think you're going, Mister? You just passed out on me, and you're certainly not going anywhere before I've had a chance to check you over." Without waiting for a reply, he pressed a hypo to the Vulcan's shoulder.

"No, Doctor... Jim... " The Vulcan struggled to speak. "I need to... " Again he attempted to get up. Swaying, he managed to shake off McCoy's hand, only to feel his legs almost buckling under him. "Stubborn Vulcan. Can't you at least ask for help?" Placing a supporting arm around the Vulcan, he led him over to the sofa.

At last Spock managed to focus on McCoy, and although forming the words was still difficult, he was able to communicate his need. "Jim... is in danger. Where did he go, Doctor? We need to find him immediately."

"Now just a minute, Spock. Jim went down town for an evening out. It's you I'm worried about, not him. Besides, what makes you so sure that Jim's in trouble? He's a big boy and can very well take care of himself."

"No time... got to find him... Doctor, what was in that injection? I cannot seem to think clearly."

"I've given you a sedative. You were on the verge of a shock, my friend."

"Please, Doctor, a stimulant..."

"All right, on one condition," McCoy relented, giving the Vulcan another shot. "You promise me you'll take things easy and tell me what's bothering you. If Jim is indeed in trouble, we shall notify the authorities." As the shot was beginning to take effect, Spock straightened, but made no move to stand. "You are right, Doctor. We must talk."

"You asked me how I know Jim is in trouble. I have reason to believe that the Captain and I are mindlinked."

When the news hit home, McCoy did not know which question to ask first. "How? I mean... over such a long distance... When did you find out? Why didn't you...? Never mind, what has happened to Jim and what do you propose we do?"

Now that he felt his strength and logic returning, Spock was again able to contemplate the situation calmly. "I do not know exactly what happened to the Captain. He seemed to call out to me, but his thoughts were not ordered. He seemed to be drugged... or intoxicated. As to the question of what course of action to take, I suggest we follow your earlier proposal and notify the local authorities. It would, of course, help if you knew what kind of entertainment the Captain intended to seek out."

"Gee, he didn't tell me, but knowing him and judging from the mental state he was in, I think it's a safe bet that he went for the nearest bar and some pretty woman."

Without letting on what he thought about that revelation, the Vulcan nodded. "That should indeed narrow the search down considerably. I will now - "

"Oh, no, Spock, you won't do anything. I will call the police, and we'll talk this out."

When the surgeon returned from making the call, color had returned to Spock's features. When he noted the expectant look on McCoy's face, he resigned himself to the inevitable and started to speak.

"Although I am not sure about all the factors myself, I will try to answer your questions as well as I can, Doctor. You asked how I know we are linked, and when I found out. That first question is easy enough to answer. Since the Captain and I have not had any mind contact since the accident, the link must have been established during the meld the Captain initiated with me down on that planet. I was not aware of the fact that we were linked until this last hour, however." There was a slight pause before the Vulcan continued speaking in an even lower voice. "What I have just said is not entirely true. I sometimes sensed... a presence in the back of my mind. I supposed it to be an after-effect of the deep meld the Captain and I shared, and... ignored it. I... may very well have aggravated the situation. I should have sought help... "

Sensing the distress this was causing the Vulcan, McCoy interrupted him. "Oh, come off it, Spock. How were you to know something you had not experienced before? Besides, if Jim really is in trouble, this link you say you have to him might even be helpful. The police said they would initiate a search for him, but it might take a while till they find him. Can you home in on Jim?"

For an instant the Vulcan seemed to look deeply within himself. Then he shook his head. "Negative, Doctor. I can still sense... Jim's presence, but he doesn't seem to be emitting any thoughts nor can I reach him. As I said, Doctor, I have no knowledge of the actual strength and nature of the link. For all the past weeks we never had any actual contact. Therefore, I presume the Captain must have been in acute distress when he was able to reach out to me. Shouldn't we therefore start searching for him as well?"

"In the middle of the night in an unknown territory? Where's your logic, Spock? Jim is probably only sleeping off his booze somewhere and called out to you when a particularly nasty bottle genie was haunting his dreams. Moreover, you are in no fit state to go searching for anyone, especially after this little breakdown you just had. The police promised that they would contact us as soon as they found a trace of Jim. So I suggest that we get some sleep before they call us to pick Jim up."

For a long moment McCoy thought the Vulcan was going to argue with him. Then, however, he inclined his head in acknowledgment. "Very well, Doctor. I shall wait here."

"You're as tense as a bowstring, Spock. I prescribed rest. Let me give you something to help you relax."

"Unnecessary, Doctor. A light meditative trance will accomplish the same purpose."

"The hell it will. You are going to get some rest." Before the Vulcan had a chance to protest, McCoy had prepared a hypo and pressed it to the Vulcan's shoulder.

When Spock had sunk back on the sofa, McCoy lifted up his feet and went in search of a blanket to cover him. Then settling himself comfortably in a chair, he tried to get the whole situation into perspective.

So his two friends were linked. McCoy didn't really find that idea particularly extraordinary as the two had always had a very special kind of rapport. In a way, this was the only logical outcome of a whole line of events that had led up to this point.

What McCoy was worried about was the reaction of the Vulcan. As a trained telepath, he should have suspected a lot earlier that the "presence in his mind" as he had called it was more than a residual memory of the meld he had experienced. Although he felt it hard to use the label for a Vulcan, the psychologist in McCoy recognized the denial symptoms. The Vulcan wasn't ready to accept that close a relationship with anyone, and from what he had learned about the nature of the meld, he knew it involved a stripping of all the shields Spock had so carefully built up, and he strongly suspected that it was this emotional openness towards another that the Vulcan dreaded most.

He knew that over the past few years Spock had gradually come to accept the friendship he felt for Kirk and also for McCoy, as he had discovered at that time when it was time for the Vulcan to "swim upstream". Realizing that this time it was his Vulcan friend who was facing the unknown, he decided that he would do all he could to help his friend - both his friends - through the difficulty. There had to be some good in the mess they were in!

Over the last few months, his friends had had more than their share of trouble, and together they would be able to make it turn out to their benefit. McCoy desperately wished that his reassurance to the Vulcan turned out to be the truth. Kirk just had to be all right. McCoy sent a silent prayer to whatever gods there where while watching the Vulcan, now at rest in his drug- enforced sleep. He felt Morpheus' shadows closing in on him, and
made an effort to keep his eyes open. He wanted to stay awake... watch his friend's slumber... be ready when the authorities called. But then, he could do that later... just a little sleep wouldn't hurt... Nothing they could do at the moment, anyway...

And at last, the Enterprise's surgeon was asleep.

* * * * *

The object of his friends' concern lay sprawled unconscious across the bed. His female companion unsuccessfully tried to rouse him. Finally, when not even her slapping his face produced any response, she got out of bed, cursing under her breath. Not that she minded getting paid without rendering her full services, though she had to admit that ministering to this attractive stranger had not been an unpleasant prospect.

Out cold as he was, however, he was not able to give or appreciate any pleasantries, nor was she going to get her pay from him, for that matter. She should have insisted on being paid in advance as her manager always told her to. That would have ruined the romantic part of it, though, which she still enjoyed despite her experience in her profession. Besides, her client looked a bit like the shy kind who had trouble getting with it if they knew she only did it for money.

Suddenly she realized that she had never told this particular client that she wasn't spending the evening with him just for the enjoyment of it. But surely he had suspected... ? Then, glancing at his unconscious form on the bed and taking in the somehow boyish and innocent expression on his face, she decided that he had not known what was going on, particularly when she took into consideration his earlier unease and occasional embarrassment. Those guys only out for the one thing certainly didn't get embarrassed when they discovered they hadn't told their name!

Still, she had to get her pay, as her 'manager' expected his share. Determined, she began to pick up his discarded clothes from the floor and search them systematically. She would only take minimum charge from him and then leave him to sleep off whatever he had indulged in.

When her thorough search of his clothes produced nothing except a small plastic card giving not even the name of its owner but only a number, Burry began to get angry. How did that buster think he was going to pay for his drinks and the hotel bill? That wasn't her problem, but her boss would want his money, and the prospect of having to face his anger made her shudder. She would have to call him and somehow try to explain her way out of this mess. She threw another glance at Kirk, who had not moved at all while she bustled about with his clothes. He was hardly going to argue when she told Barnie that he had invited her and now turned out to be dead broke.

She made the call from the old-fashioned audiophone sitting on the single three-legged table in the room. Less than half an hour later, Barnie arrived. Taking in the scene at one glance, he grumbled,

"So sleeping beauty there ain't got no money, huh? But sure he has something; checks, banker's card, ain't he?"

Without waiting for a reply he began to shake out Kirk's clothes. When his efforts brought forth nothing, he turned to Burry. "All right, bitch. Where have you hidden it?"

Frightened, she shrank back against the wall. "He didn't have anything on him except that plastic card," she said, pointing to the card she had put on the table. "Honest, Barnie, I didn't take anything - "

"Oh shit!" Barnie had taken one look at the innocent-looking plastic card. "Where have you been, sister? That's a standard Starfleet credit card that's issued to the officers. What the hell rode you to take a Starfleet officer to bed? You know you're supposed to stay clear of them. You could lose your license for this!"

"He didn't tell me he was Fed! How was I supposed to know?" She began to cry, shrinking even further into her corner.

"Quit bawling!" he shouted. "You should know that don't work with me! The problem is how we get rid of him without alarming the Fed cops. So he didn't tell you he was Starfleet, did he. Did you tell him anything, like who you work for?"

Burry only shook her head between sobs.

"Well, good. It's a good thing he's pissed out of his mind. As for the pay, we'll keep the card. We'll see if we can't get it to work for us. He'll think he's lost it somewhere. For now, we'll see that your friend stays asleep until we can dump him somewhere. Gimme a hand with him."

Wordlessly, Burry obeyed and moved over to Kirk's bedside. When she saw Barnie produce a hypodermic needle from his pocket, however, she became alarmed.

"What are you going to do?"

"Worried about your super stud, ain't you. Bet he was a good lay... Don't worry, I'm just making sure he won't wake up and cause trouble. I'm shooting him full of halo so he won't remember nothing. Then we'll simply load him into the truck and dump him somewhere along the road. If he's lucky, patrol will find him. Otherwise, he will have a bit of walking to do in the morning."

Kirk stirred, but did not wake when the needle was inserted into his vein. Burry stood by awkwardly. "Are you sure this won't do him any harm?"

"Hey, you've really taken a fancy to him, haven't you? Now how is a little shot like that going to harm him? He's strong as a young bull. But you better help me getting him dressed, or he might catch his death of cold." With a dirty laugh he tossed her Kirk's clothes. "All right - you get your champ dressed while I get the car round the back," he ordered before leaving the room.

Obediently, Burry picked up the clothes and proceeded to dress the unconscious man on the bed. Yet she could not but worry when she looked at his face, which had turned considerably paler after he had received the shot. Maybe she shouldn't have called Barnie... But it was too late to worry about that now, and Barnie was probably right anyway. The stranger sure looked healthy enough to withstand a dose of halo and a night on the street. To reassure herself, she reached for his pulse, which was rapid but strong. He should be all right, she thought, wishing for a dose of halo herself.

She had just finished dressing her charge when Barnie returned. Picking Kirk up like a rag doll, he carried him out the back door and unceremoniously dumped him into the back of the truck. Noting that Burry still seemed uncertain, he passed her a small pill box. "Here - take one for Chrisesakes to quit worrying and then get going!"

After a moment of hesitation, Burry popped one of the tiny pills, got into the passenger seat of the truck, and leaned back with a sigh. Neither of them spoke in the half hour of driving that followed.

When they had reached a particularly dark stretch of the dirt road they were following, Barnie stopped the truck, went round to the rear, and unloaded their burden. Crossing the few yards to the edge of the road, he simply dropped Kirk into the ditch.

Upon returning to the truck, he found Burry lost in a private dream world of her own. He gave a mental shrug and started the engine. The next village was no more than half a day's walk away, so that Starfleet creep should be able to reach it all right. Not that he worried too much about what happened to him, but with his credit card - which Barnie was sure he could rig to give him a few benefits - he had paid his debt and therefore deserved at least a chance.

Then he turned the truck and disappeared in the direction from which they had come.

* * * * *

When Kirk finally regained consciousness, all he could make out around him was a gray haze. His head was throbbing and his body seemed to be aflame, yet he couldn't move. He found he could not form one clear thought. He had no idea how he had reached... wherever he was. His throat was parched and he desperately wished for a drink, but there was nobody around who could have given him one, and then he doubted that he would have been able to voice his need. He felt terribly lonely. His friends... Where were his friends? The one person he longed for most was not there. Why had they left him? Then he tried to reach down within himself for what little strength he had left to call out for help. He let out one voiceless scream. Then blackness and emptiness engulfed him again.

* * * * *

The new day stretched endlessly. When it drew dark again, McCoy began to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have given in to the Vulcan's urging and begun a search on their own the previous night. The Vulcan was silent and withdrawn, but McCoy could sense that he was tense and worried. Several times during the day Spock had tried to probe the tenuous link he believed he had with Kirk, but without any feedback. Once McCoy had ventured to ask if he thought something bad might have happened to Kirk. He had been able to allay that particular fear of the Doctor's, however, as he still felt the "presence" in the back of his mind.

McCoy was restlessly pacing the room when he suddenly saw the Vulcan stiffen. Alarmed, he crossed over to the Vulcan, half expecting him to pass out again. This time, however, Spock regained his composure almost instantly. Yet when he spoke, it was with a note of urgency in his voice. "Jim. For an instant his mind reached mine. He is in great pain. Doctor, we have got to get to him immediately."

All presence of calm was gone. The dark eyes that looked at McCoy were filled with despair. Responding in the only way he knew, McCoy gave the Vulcan's slim shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't worry, Spock. We'll find him. Were you able to draw any conclusions as to Jim's whereabouts from the contact?"

"I cannot be sure, but his call seemed to come from somewhere south of the city. I wish I could be more certain, but the contact was very short, and I have not had much previous experience in this area... "

"It's all right, Spock. A general direction is better than none at all. I'll get on the com and pass your information on to the police so that they can concentrate their search in that direction. Then I'll get myself a map and call for an aircar and start looking for him on my own."

"Doctor... " The Vulcan got to his feet hurriedly, swaying slightly. For only a moment, he considered arguing the Vulcan's fitness to accompany him on his search for Kirk. Then he wordlessly reached for his medikit and producing a hypo from it, pressed it to the Vulcan's shoulder. When Spock felt new energy flooding, he looked at the Doctor in silent gratitude.

After less than half an hour, they set out in the aircar with Spock at the controls in spite of the Doctor's protest. They were flying in southward circles at the lowest possible altitude. McCoy could do nothing but sit by idly and pray that they, or one of the patrols, found their friend soon. Finally, they reached the outer line of the radius Spock had calculated for their search.

The Vulcan lowered the aircar and let it hover over the ground. They peered out into the dark.

Only a narrow gravel road lay ahead of them.

"It's no use, Spock," McCoy said with a sigh. "We've done all we could. Let's turn back. Maybe one of the search parties was more lucky."

The Vulcan did not answer him. Instead, he was staring into the distance. When McCoy was just about to take the controls from the Vulcan's hands, Spock spoke in a low and strained voice.

"I believe I have been able to make contact with the Captain. He is off in that direction," he said, indicating the road ahead of them.

"You sure, Spock? What would he be doing here? It's hardly more than a stretch of dirt and - "

"Hurry, Doctor. Can't breathe... About six point eight kilometers... So cold... "

Sweat was beginning to bead Spock's brow. Fumbling to pry the controls from the Vulcan's cramped fingers, and turning the aircar into the indicated direction, McCoy swore under his breath.

"Why for Christ's sake does something like this always have to happen when we're on leave? Damn, Spock, don't black out on me now!"

Albeit pale, the Vulcan was staying conscious, though. He even seemed to regain some of his strength as they approached their destination. Huskily, he announced, "Slow down, Doctor. We're almost there."

When the Doctor had landed the aircar at the side of the road, Spock opened the door on his side of the car, and shrugging off the Doctor's restraining hand, got out of the car, although he was slightly unsteady on his feet. With an uncanny sense of direction, he turned towards the slope leading down to the ditch. McCoy followed on his heels, medikit in hand. After only a few steps they found Kirk.

He was barely conscious, his skin clammy, and his breathing labored and shallow. Paying no attention to the Doctor, who was getting to work with the medical tricorder, Spock knelt and, gathering Kirk's head in his arms, raised him to ease his breathing. Kirk managed to open his eyes, and when he recognized the face bending over him, a weak smile appeared on his lips.

"Spock... "

Now that their roles were reversed, the Vulcan seemed to have forgotten his earlier objections to showing his personal concern. Gently wiping the sweat from Kirk's face, he whispered, "Don't talk, Jim. I'm here, and McCoy is taking care of you." Then, looking at McCoy he added an inquiring, "Doctor?"

McCoy was preparing a hypo for Kirk. Without looking up from his task, he replied, "He's gonna be all right. He's got some dope in his system - and I don't think voluntarily - which he is allergic to. I'm giving him something to counteract the allergic reaction, which is responsible for his breathing problems. Still, we should get him to hospital as fast as possible so that the stuff is properly flushed from his system. - Damn, Spock - I forgot to bring along a communicator, and the car doesn't have a radio either."

"I should be able to carry - "

"And upset that half-knitted spine injury of yours? No, Spock. Besides, I don't really want to risk moving Jim without the proper equipment. His condition is stable for the moment, so you can stay here with him while I get help. I shouldn't be too long, and I'll leave you the medikit."

"Doctor, don't you think you would be better to stay with him and let me go for help?"

Before McCoy had a chance to answer, Kirk, who up to that point had seemed oblivious of the conversation, suddenly opened his eyes and weakly extended a hand, reaching for the Vulcan. "NO! Spock, don't leave... Bones, don't let him... "

Exhausted, his hand fell back. McCoy and Spock exchanged a silent glance. Then McCoy turned and climbed up the slope to the aircar, while the Vulcan drew Kirk closer. "Hush, Jim. I won't leave you. McCoy will be back with help soon. Rest now."

But Kirk was restless and struggled to speak. "Spock... so glad... you came... but not... like this... I... "

"Jim, please - don't talk."

"No, let me... Must... So much... to be said... "

"Talking is exhausting you too much, but if you'll permit..." Spock placed his fingers in the familiar position of the meld. For once he did not experience the immediate sense of warm welcome, but hesitancy and doubt - and beyond, a deep longing. Gently sending a thought probe into his friend's mind, he asked,

\Jim, why are you withdrawing?\

\Don't want to hurt you. You seemed to want your privacy again. And... Hurt.\

Spock received mental pictures of Kirk trying in vain to reach him, and then trying to accept his friend's obvious wishes. Spock then saw the events of the previous night unfold before Kirk's mental eye; his hitting the nearest bar, meeting Burry, their love-making, her reaching for his face and the agony following it. PAIN. EMBARRASSMENT.

Spock sent calming thoughts down their link. \No embarrassment is necessary. No pretense is needed in the link. We both see and accept each other as we are. That female must have had some telepathic ability, and her touching you tapped our half-open link, thus causing you pain.\

\You mean we were linked?\

\Yes. I only recognized it when you called out for me in your pain. The healing meld we shared must have been unusually deep, and has left the trace of a link between us.\

\I'm sorry, Spock.\

\Don't be. I am grateful, for it enabled me to find you. I'm only sorry that I didn't recognize it sooner. Bones was right; I could have saved both of us a lot of hurt.\

\Spock... \ Warmth and happiness reaching out to him at last, Spock responded by letting his own gladness and relief spill over. Then, sensing pain and exhaustion nagging at the edge of Kirk's consciousness, he withdrew slightly. \McCoy will be back soon. You should rest now. All that is necessary has been said.\

\Don't leave, Spock.\ FEAR.

\I won't.\ CALM. CONTENTMENT.

\No regrets?\

\None.\ JOY. \Sleep now.\

RELIEF. \I will.\

As Spock sent calming thoughts through the link and eased Kirk's discomfort, he soon felt Kirk's thoughts becoming drowsy. When Kirk was asleep, he withdrew from the meld, maintaining only a light touch in order to control Kirk's pain. While guarding Kirk's sleep, he pondered the situation.

It had been illogical trying to fight the inevitable. As he had realized before, their two minds were often drawn together. The worrying agony of the past twenty four hours had taught him that he himself was not beyond the personal attachment he had accused Kirk of, and the thought of losing Kirk without knowing what had happened to him had made him realize that he cherished his friendship with Kirk above anything else. And McCoy was right - their special friendship made them the unique team that they were. He must never let his logic and unemotional detachment interfere with their friendship again. Logic fell short where his friendship with Jim Kirk was concerned; or maybe their friendship was logical. They were really like two halves making up a whole. His only regret was that it had taken his friend's being hurt to make him realize the value of their very special friendship.

Now that he contemplated it, he perceived that the past weeks had been hell for himself as well. How often during those weeks, when he saw Kirk's hurt and sensed his confusion and loneliness, he had longed to reach out across he chessboard and assure the Human that his care and concern were reciprocated. At that time, however, his belief of what was best for him and his friend had made him withdraw behind his Vulcan defenses. If only...

But regrets and self-blame were illogical and counterproductive.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, he carefully checked that Kirk was settled comfortably. Taking the scanner from McCoy's kit, he ran it along the Captain's body as far as he could without disturbing him. Kirk was sleeping peacefully, however, and the readings from the scanner reassured him that Kirk would be all right once they had got the drug out of his system. Therefore his worry was needless - but still...

Presently, he could make out the sound of aircars approaching from the distance, and before long a police patrol and an ambulance glider had landed. McCoy got out of the ambulance and supervised as Kirk was strapped onto a stretcher and lifted into the rear of the ambulance. All the while, Spock stayed at his side. When McCoy saw the Vulcan hesitate as Kirk was loaded into the ambulance, he said quietly,

"Come on, you're riding in the back with us."

The Vulcan gave him a grateful look before climbing in after Kirk's stretcher. On the ride to the hospital, he sat next to Kirk while McCoy busied himself over his medical instruments.

Once, Kirk woke. "Spock... ?" he whispered.

"I'm right here," the Vulcan replied, taking Kirk's hand and sending additional reassurance through the light mind touch he still maintained.

Kirk relaxed with a sigh. "Good." Then, catching sight of the Doctor hovering at the foot of the stretcher, he added sleepily, "Bones... You're here, too. What's up... ?"

McCoy joined the Vulcan at Kirk's side, and giving Kirk's shoulder a gentle squeeze, smiled. "We're getting you to a decent bed. How do you feel, Jim?"

"Tired."

"No pain?"

"No... Spock's taking care of me... "

Looking at the Vulcan, McCoy felt the quiet empathy flow between the two. So Spock was using the link to help Kirk. The Vulcan's face was relaxed, and he seemed to be... happy. And he could make out no sign of embarrassment in the dark eyes, even in front of him. Somehow he felt sure that now everything was going to be all right between the two.

"Bones... ?"

McCoy felt a pair of expectant, yet sleepy, eyes upon himself. Giving Kirk's shoulder another squeeze, he said, "Sorry, Jim. I guess your good old Doctor was daydreaming. Glad to have you safe. Now go to sleep."

Kirk returned the Doctor's smile, then obediently closed his eyes. And soon his even breathing indicated that he was asleep.

* * * * *

A few hours later, McCoy emerged from the local hospital's emergency room, tired but relieved. He crossed to the Vulcan sitting upright and tense on one of the benches lining the hallway.

The Vulcan's dark eyes looked up at him questioningly. "Doctor?"

That one word contained all the worry and hope that the Vulcan could not voice aloud. McCoy felt a wave of sympathy and affection for the Vulcan wash over him and longed to reach out and give him a warm and reassuring hug - as he would any Human friend. But knowing that such extensive physical contact and open display of emotion would not be appreciated, the only gesture he allowed himself was a light pat on the Vulcan's tense shoulder.

"Relax. Jim's fine. They have filtered the drug out of his blood. The equipment on the Enterprise or Starbase hospital may be more fancy and impressive, but for this purpose at least theirs is just as effective. Jim'll be out of here in a day or two."

"Can I see him?"

"Sure but he is sedated. Come on, they moved him over there to an IC cubicle."

Alarmed, the Vulcan looked at him. "But you've just said - "

"Hey, easy. I asked them to. Unlike in Sickbay, they don't have monitors on all the beds here, and I want Jim under observation just to be on the safe side."

An eerie glow from the instrument lights filled the intensive care cubicle. McCoy checked the instruments and then gave a satisfied nod in Spock's direction. "Everything's fine. This drip feed is just about finished, so I can take it off, then it's about time we got some shut-eye, too. You coming, Spock? Spock!"

The Vulcan was obviously not listening to him. For a long moment he just stood looking down at Kirk. Then he pulled the single chair in the cubicle up to Kirk's bedside, seating himself.

"You aren't going to tell me you're intending to spend the night in that chair, are you?"

"Doctor... "

"Oh, never mind answering that one. It was a rhetorical question. It's just that you look like death thrice warmed over yourself. You need some sleep, Spock."

"Doctor... Bones. Please. I have a promise to keep."

McCoy weighed the merits of further arguing with the Vulcan before he gave a resigned shrug. "I should have known, and reserved a double for you. - Sorry. I'll just get a blanket for you."

Soon McCoy returned with a blanket, which the Vulcan took silently. Clearing his throat, McCoy said, "Well, I'll be just four doors down the hall in the room normally reserved for the Doctor on call. Wake me if either of you need anything, and try to get some rest yourself, you hear?"

"I will, and... Thanks, Bones."

* * * * *

They had been able to take Kirk home the next day. Though still weak from his ordeal, Kirk was restless and eager to be out of the confinement of the hospital. Once McCoy had been sure that there were indeed no after-effects of the drug, he had been only too ready to agree with Kirk's wishes. Knowing Kirk as well as he did, he was well aware that Kirk would relax more easily in an informal and homey environment, and there basically wasn't anything wrong with him that a sufficient amount of rest wouldn't cure.

Returning to the cabin had also made it easier for him to see that the Vulcan got the rest he needed, for the Vulcan had seemed determined not to leave Kirk's side as long as he was in hospital. Kirk's trials had definitely taken their toll on Spock as well. The Vulcan looked haggard and pale, but as Kirk recovered over the days that followed, Spock also got better. At first, their activities had been restricted to playing chess in front of the fireplace or sitting on the patio if the weather permitted it. Soon, however, they were able to go for walks, and McCoy finally began to enjoy their leave.

As his friends were recuperating, he himself was able to relax in the simple joy of companionship. The tension between the two had disappeared completely. A lot of the evenings were still spent quietly in front of the fireplace with the two friends bent over the chessboard. Now, however, the silence was companionable.

Somehow he never felt left out. Kirk usually managed to draw him into the conversation quite easily, and as he spent more and more time with his two friends, he came to sense that the Vulcan also appreciated his company in his own quiet way.

Occasionally, however, McCoy chose to leave his two friends alone when he sensed that they longed to talk in private. The two certainly had a lot to talk over after the events of the last few weeks. It was on the last evening of their leave before the Enterprise was scheduled to pick them up that when he rose to leave his friends to themselves that they begged him to stay.

"Bones, please stay," Kirk said.

"Yes, Doctor," Spock added quietly. "We need your assistance. It concerns the link that was established between Jim and myself."

The Vulcan fell silent. McCoy sensed his unease and cast a look in Kirk's direction, only to see that no explanation would come forth from that quarter, for Kirk seemed to be at least as ill at ease as his Vulcan friend. Hoping that direct questions would make it easier for his friends, he turned back to Spock.

"Well, you know I'll give you any help I can, but it would help me if I knew a bit more about this whole affair. Look I don't want to pry, but what does that link of yours spell out exactly? Does it mean you can read each other's minds, or what?"

"Oh, no, Bones. I don't even really feel it. It's... it's just like... like a thread. I can't really describe it, Bones. The danger is that something like what happened with that girl might happen again."

"Danger?" There was alarm in McCoy's voice. "How can a link as light as Jim described it be dangerous? Spock?!"

"Although the contact we have over it is minimal, the link itself is very deep. The danger lies in the nature of the link. I cannot really be sure how it could happen. After the meld, our minds did not become completely separated; there was a... breach left open. As it was not intended, I have no control over it, although I can shield thought exchanges between Jim and myself. The danger is that it leaves Jim vulnerable to any telepathic interference such as with that female. I will therefore have to attempt another deep meld with Jim, in order to try to sever the link, once we are back aboard the Enterprise."

McCoy considered that information for a while, before asking, "All right, and where do I fit in there?"

"The meld required will be very deep. We therefore need you to monitor it, and interfere if necessary."

"Your faith in my abilities flatters me, but wouldn't it be better - and safer - for you if you consulted a Vulcan healer? I'm not exactly experienced in dealing with mind melds, you know."

"It would take several weeks to reach an outpost where a healer is available, and time is of the essence as it will become more and more difficult to close the breach the more time elapses. It was not possible to do it sooner, as you need the equipment aboard ship. I will instruct you exactly what you have to watch for and what to do."

Kirk leaned slightly forward in his chair. "There is one other factor, Bones. We want to have you there - as our friend." He looked at the Vulcan. "Both of us."

Spock nodded ever so slightly. "Affirmative... Bones."

"All right. Just one more question, then," McCoy said. "If this is as vital as you say, then what if you fail?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Kirk said, trying to keep his tone light. "I guess Vulcan with all its healers and specialists will still be there. For now, I could use a drink."

McCoy leaned back heavily in his chair. "Make that two."

It was Spock who went to his room, soon to return carrying three richly decorated goblets and a matching flask tucked under his arm. Quietly, he set out the goblets, filling them with the dark green liquid from the flask that glowed eerily in the firelight.

"Kandruru. Brewed according to recipes passed on orally from the clans from generation to generation since prehistoric times. It is said to return strength after a tiring battle and rejuvenate the spirit to face trying difficulties ahead." Raising one of the goblets, Spock allowed himself a small smile. "I believe 'sante' is the appropriate idiom for such occasions."

"Thanks, Spock." Kirk returned the Vulcan's smile warmly and reached for another goblet. "Here's to yours."

McCoy took the reaming goblet and sniffed at it cautiously. Then, seeing that Kirk took a deep swig from his, he did the same.

A moment later he regretted it. "Whoa!" he managed after a half-suppressed cough. Let me remind you, Mr. Spock, that Vulcans don't drink! This stuff could stand up even against Romulan Ale! What's in it and why haven't I heard of it before?"

Spock slowly drank from his own goblet before answering McCoy's questions. "I do not think you would know very many of the ingredients, Doctor. Rest assured, however, none of them is harmful to Humans. As for the availability of the beverage, it is normally used only in rituals or at traditional gatherings of the family or chosen companions. As you know the alcohol content does not affect us. Its main purpose is to conserve the strengthening herb components."

After the Vulcan had finished, Kirk smiled at McCoy. "All really shrouded in mystery, isn't it, Bones? It does make an excellent drink, though. Once you get used to the rather strong taste, you'll like it, Bones."

"Oh, I don't doubt that." Relaxing, McCoy took another, more careful sip from his goblet. "Jim's right, Spock. This stuff is very good. Thanks for sharing it with us."

"I am only consecrating it to its intended purpose," Spock replied, then adding before the Doctor had time to contemplate this, "would you like a refill?"

Sensing that the Vulcan did not want to discuss this further, McCoy gave in to the effect of the beverage which was rapidly beginning to cloud his worries concerning the planned course of action ahead in a pleasant haze. Idly wondering whether he was going to have a hangover the next morning, he gladly accepted the offered refill.

* * * * *

It was mid-afternoon by the time the three friends met in Sickbay for the planned attempt to break the involuntary link between Kirk and Spock. After the Enterprise had collected them there had been the inevitable debriefings as well as a small social gathering to welcome them back aboard.

Kirk felt tired, but also ill at ease about the undertaking ahead of them. All the certainty and confidence he had felt after his discussions with Spock had left him. When he stopped at the Vulcan's cabin to pick him up on the way to Sickbay, he looked at his friend.

"Spock, do we have to do this? Is there really no other way?"

"We have discussed this before, Jim. Are you afraid? There is one... "

Realizing that he was giving too much away, the Vulcan halted his speech. As much as he desired it, he could not suggest the alternative, which was establishing a traditional bonding between himself and the Human. He had no right to bind a spirit as free and independent as Kirk's to himself. He had to try everything he could to release Kirk from the confines of this involuntary link. Therefore he said reassuringly, "Jim, McCoy will be monitoring the meld. The danger to you will be minimal."

Kirk took hold of the Vulcan's arm impulsively. "It's not my own safety I'm worried about. Spock, you said yourself that the meld would have to be very deep, deeper than any we've ever shared before. What if something like Kolos happens? You almost lost your life then."

"Unlikely, Jim. Kolos was a telepath many times more powerful than I. This time, I, as the only telepath, will be in control."

Kirk's anxiety was still not entirely eliminated, but he gave his friend a smile. "Oh, all right. I guess I'm really just stalling. Better let's get going before Bones starts thinking that we've been lost on the way."

* * * * *

In Sickbay, McCoy had all the equipment set up and was nervously waiting for them. After the Doctor had given Kirk a light sedative and settled him on one of the diagnostic couches, Spock explained the monitoring technique to him. It really sounded all quite easy. All he would have to do was watch two screens monitoring Kirk's and Spock's brain waves.

"As the meld deepens," the Vulcan proceeded with his explanation, "our brain wave patterns will change. When we reach the point deep enough for me to close the breach, our brain waves will become synchronized for an instant before separating again. It is this moment you have to watch for, Doctor. If our brain waves do not disengage after an instant, you will have to break the meld physically. After breaking the physical contact between Jim and me, you must slap my face as if to wake me from a healing trance. There shouldn't be any complications. Any questions, Doctor?"

"No, there's nothing to it," McCoy said as he began to attach electrodes to Spock's temples as he had already done to Kirk. "I just have to watch for the right moment to save my friends' sanity, possibly even their lives. I'm all happy and relaxed."

"Bones." The Vulcan caught hold of his hand held it for a moment in a reassuring clasp. "I realize the pressure on you is enormous, but... "

"Oh, it's all right, Spock. I'm really just grumbling to myself. You know," he said, attaching the last of the electrodes to the Vulcan seated on a chair next to Kirk's diagnostic couch, "this all looks like one of those old horror movies they made back in the twentieth century. All we need is a bit of thunder and some lightning coming down from the ceiling."

Catching the Doctor's mood, the Vulcan raised an eyebrow at him. "What purpose would that serve, Doctor?"

"Have you never heard of Frankenstein, Spock?"

"You're referring to the classic gothic novel by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, published in 1818, I presume? I am familiar with the contents although I have not read it in its entirety. No, Doctor, I merely consider our sources of energy more reliable than that collected from electric discharges in a thunderstorm."

"Oh, hell, Spock... " McCoy had to grin. Realizing that he was feeling calmer, he crossed over to Kirk, who was dozing on the couch. After rechecking that all the monitor hookups were attached correctly, he placed his hand lightly on Kirk's shoulder. "All right, we're just about ready. Good luck, huh?"

Kirk opened his eyes, and reaching for McCoy's hand, clasped it in his own. "Bones... we trust you."

"I know, Jim. I won't let you down. Spock... ? Good luck."

He stepped to his position at the monitors and watched as Spock placed his hands on Kirk's face in the position of the meld. Then his eyes became glued to the monitors.

The next few minutes seemed to stretch into eternity. All was proceeding as Spock had described it, and he had to admit that he would have given a fortune to know what was happening in the meld. Then abruptly the two wave patterns on the monitor screen became one, but instead of separating again as Spock had predicted, the one curve began to soar higher and higher. For just one second, McCoy was paralyzed with panic. Then he rushed over to his friends, sitting motionlessly lost in the meld, yanking the Vulcan away from Kirk began to slap his face quickly and hard.

For a few long, fearful seconds this seemed to have no effect. Then, however, Spock's face regained some of its composure, and finally he opened his eyes.

"Doctor... Jim? I'll... manage."

McCoy let go of the Vulcan and rushed to Kirk's side. The Captain's face was ashen, but when McCoy looked up at Spock it was with relief in his eyes.

"He's unconscious, but otherwise he seems to be all right."

Spock had followed the Doctor to Kirk's bedside and was standing there unsteadily. When he was about to sit in the chair again, McCoy shook his head.

"Oh no, Mister. You're getting onto that other couch. First I want to make sure that you are all right as well, and then you can tell me what happened."

Once he was convinced that the Vulcan was unharmed, McCoy allowed him to sit up. "All right, Spock. Now that you've scared the wits out of me, tell me what happened. After your brain wave patterns joined, as you predicted, they went haywire. I thought for a moment that I had lost you both. A mental burnout - that's what it looked like."

"That term, Doctor, might very well have been appropriate, had you not separated us in time. The Captain's mind is unusually powerful. When we reached a deep enough level, instead of severing the link, I was drawn down into his, beyond my control. We will need expert help - and fast."

Before McCoy had a chance to ask further questions, Kirk moaned and began to stir. McCoy returned to his bedside, and when Kirk opened his eyes, he found himself looking into a pair of anxious blue ones.

"How do you feel, Jim?"

"Lousy." Kirk's hand went to his temple while he struggled to sit up. Instinctively turning in the right direction, he asked, "Spock, did you... ?"

The Vulcan silently shook his head. Kirk swung his legs over the edge of the couch and got to his feet.

"Hey Jim, wait a minute! You look as if you could do with some rest - both of you!"

"Later, Bones." Kirk waved him aside.

Sensing that his friends needed to talk, McCoy offered no further protest. "Oh, all right then. Go to your quarters, but you're off duty for the next two days, both of you. And make sure you do get some rest!"

McCoy looked after them as the Sickbay doors closed behind his friends. What could he do to help them? If nothing else, he would write a medical report and make sure they got to a Vulcan healer as soon as possible. There just had to be a way to make this turn out positive.

* * * * *

They went to Kirk's quarters at the Vulcan's insistence that Kirk lie down immediately. While Kirk undressed and got into bed, Spock went to his quarters and retrieved a flask of the kandruru that Kirk had come to value. He pulled up a chair to Kirk's bedside and then filled a glass with kandruru for each of them.

Kirk drank deeply from his glass before looking at the Vulcan. "All right, what do we do now?"

"I will ask McCoy to put in a request for us to see a Vulcan healer as soon as possible."

"You still don't mention it. Spock, I thought we had agreed that there would be no more pretense between us."

"Jim, I don't understand... "

"Look, Spock. I hoped as much as you that you would be able to close this breach between us, since you obviously don't even want to talk about the other option, but now that you've failed, I have to bring it up - though I had hoped you would do it yourself. You said this breach occurred because our minds are particularly attuned to each other. Now these last couple of days during our leave I did some reading on Vulcan melds and such. Spock, wouldn't a... what you refer to as a 'bond' be the solution to our problem?"

"Jim, you mean you want to -" Spoke broke off. Then, after collecting his composure, he continued in a toneless voice. "Jim, you do not understand what this entails. A bond is - "

"A complete and permanent link between two minds. I've done my homework. Spock... I had thought that as my friend, you would have come to understand my emotions well enough that it wouldn't be that much of an embarrassment any more. I realize that a bond would render you open to a constant bombardment of my emotions, but... " Kirk broke off, turning his face away.

"Since when ," Spock said slowly, "have you known of the existence of bonding?"

"I don't really know," came Kirk's slightly unsteady reply. "Working closely with a Vulcan for the first time, I was curious and read as much as I could about your culture." He hesitated a moment before adding, "Especially when I began to think of you as a friend." Kirk fell silent and turned towards the wall.

Spock sat regarding him in silence. Learning that Jim Kirk had known of the existence of bonding all along had come as quite a shock to him. The experience of the last few weeks had but increased his desire to share a permanent bond with Kirk, if only for the sake of knowing that he was well when they were separated. Yet he had to admit to himself that his caring for Kirk went far beyond that. For the first time in his life he had found total acceptance. He was no longer afraid to show his... feelings... to Jim Kirk... Well, almost all of them. If they were to bond, even those last barriers would be removed, revealing those innermost feelings he would never be able to put into words. That aspect did not frighten him any more, though. He should have known his friend better and should have brought up the topic himself. He felt ashamed that he had not been completely open with Kirk, as he had resolved he would be - a long time ago.

A silent shudder passing through Kirk's body caused the Vulcan to abandon his train of thought. "Jim?" he asked with alarm in his voice. "JIM?"

When his exclamation produced no response but a muffled sound, he reached out and gently touched his friend's arm. Spock felt muscles tense under his touch. For a moment he lowered his mental shields and felt a wave of hurt wash over him. Since Kirk still made no sign of response, the Vulcan reached for his shoulder and gently rolled him over so that he could see Kirk's face. Kirk did not attempt to hide the tears that were running freely down his cheeks.

"Jim... What is wrong?" the Vulcan asked.

"Oh, Spock, I'm sorry. I'm so damned selfish."

"No, Jim, don't. I..."

After searching unsuccessfully for a way to find the right words to tell Kirk that it was he who had desired a bond with him for quite a long time, Spock reached for Kirk's face, placing his fingers in the familiar position for the meld. For one fleeting moment, Kirk seemed to shrink away from him, but then welcomed him in a glow of warmth. For an instant allowing himself to bask in the aura of warmth and affection, Spock lowered his mental shields.

\Jim. Do not be ashamed. It is I who have desired a bonding for a long time.\

\Is that true, Spock?\ DISBELIEF

\Jim, you know I wouldn't lie to you. Besides, in the meld I wouldn't be able to hide it from you.\

JOY. RELIEF. \But then, why didn't you ever mention it?\

\A bond, Jim, is the highest form of commitment, and as you know it is permanent, maybe lasting even beyond death. Jim, your mind is so free, so independent. I thought it unfair even to suggest it. Our minds are drawn to each other, but... \

\Spock, I felt drawn towards you since I first stepped aboard. Wouldn't a bond be the culmination, the completion of our friendship?\ Kirk gave a mental smile. \Wouldn't it be the logical thing to do?\

\There would be certain advantages to being bonded, such as knowing when the other was in difficulty, in case of separation. What also made me hesitate to suggest a bond is the fact that in Starfleet service, we are often exposed to danger - as you well know - and there is a certain probability that should one of us die, the other one would be drawn into death with him.\

\Good.\

\Jim? I do not understand.\

\You don't know how much I wished for something like this on Beta Cygni III. But I'm being unfair. The Human life span is so much shorter than that of a Vulcan. And if my death would mean death to you, I could never ask that you bond with me.\

Spock withdrew slightly from the meld. This was a perspective he had not foreseen. How often in the past, when Kirk had faced death, had he wished that he could have been in his place or join him death, should it come to that. Their friendship had come to mean more to him than everything else. Yet he had no desire to draw Kirk into death should something happen to him. As Kirk was a non-telepath, there was a fair chance that Spock would be able to sever the bond before he died. It would not be possible the other way round, but that was something he was grateful for. As Kirk seemed to desire a bonding at least as much as he, a half truth would have to serve to allay that one fear of his.

\As only I am a telepath, there is the possibility that the bond could be severed in time, although I will admit that there certainly is some risk that death would claim us together. Does that frighten you?\

\Frighten me? Spock, I always prayed that death would claim us together, but it would be unfair to you since your lifespan is twice as long as mine. - When can we get bonded? Do we have to go to Vulcan for it?\ EAGERNESS. EXCITEMENT.

\Jim, be patient.\ AFFECTION \The bonding does not require any specific location. It is a simple ritual conducted according to ancient tradition.\

\Then what are we waiting for?\

\Jim - the ritual does require certain preparations. And as I pointed out earlier, you... we ...need rest. After the strain of our earlier meld, I do not dare attempt another deep level meld for a few days. Bonding will indeed solve our problem. In this case, a few days will not make any difference. Rest now.\

Kirk still was not satisfied, however. \There is one more thing I want to know, Spock. When we melded down on Beta Cygni II, it was as if we had merged completely, each seeking out the other, and discovering his innermost self. What I don't understand is why we didn't find out that both of us wished, more than anything else, to bond with the other.\

\This thought also occurred to me, but I must admit I do not really have an answer, Jim. Having no experience with such a deep level meld between two highly attuned minds, I can only... estimate. The only possible explanation I have is that our mutual desire to protect each other from what we thought to be a dangerous and selfish wish was so great that both our minds erected a barrier around it that was impossible to penetrate even in the meld. It certainly shows that your mind is very powerful, Jim.

\I'm just glad we did acknowledge our wishes at last. I'm so stupid, I should have come to you... I...\

The turmoil of Kirk's emotions started to boil again. \Jim. Please. All is well now. Do not torment yourself any further. You must rest now.

As he slowly withdrew from the meld, Spock sent calming thoughts meant to induce sleep through the remnants of the link. Then he sat back and watched Kirk's features relax.

Though he had to fight to keep open heavy eyelids, Kirk struggled to stay awake. "Spock, when we're bonded, will we be able to 'mind talk' as we just did? Mutually, I mean? I... relished the experience."

"Certainly, Jim. Once properly linked, we will be able to use the link both ways to communicate, though you will also have to learn how to shield. But we can talk of all that later. You should sleep now."

"I don't want to... shield. In the meld we could talk... without restrictions... " Kirk was becoming drowsier, but still fought to continue. "Spock... I am... happy. Thank you. Sleep... tight... my friend... "

At last, sleep had claimed the Captain of the Enterprise. Spock rose and drew the blanket up to Kirk's shoulder. Then, once again touching his fingers to Kirk's forehead, he projected \The same holds true for me, t'hy'la.\

* * * * *

Finally the day of the bonding hat come. Kirk still could not believe that at last their friendship would find this fulfillment. Although he had not enjoyed the events of the past weeks, now that they had led to their fully acknowledging their feelings for each other, he was almost grateful for them, in a way. Now that he thought of it, it seemed silly that both he and Spock had longed for a bond for such a long time without daring to mention it to the other.

Over the last few days, Spock had thoroughly filled him in on all he needed to know about the bonding ritual. The previous night he had taken a long relaxing bath in hot water scented with sweet Vulcan herbs after a long and strenuous workout in the gym and a long stay in the ship's sauna, which was meant to cleanse both body and spirit. For the bonding itself, Kirk was now dressed in a richly decorated Vulcan robe which Spock had given him. The robe was made of light white silk with blue embroidered symbols running down the front. Kirk wondered what Spock would be wearing
for the occasion.

Kirk once more pulled his robe straight before leaving for Spock's cabin where the ceremony would take place. He had to admit to himself that he did have some butterflies going wild in his stomach, even though this was what he wanted most in his life. Well, you didn't get bonded to your First Officer and best friend every day. Later, when the bonding was completed, they would meet with McCoy.

McCoy. He had been delighted when he learned of their intentions. Kirk remembered he had been worried about how the Doctor would react to that revelation. He had feared that their mutual friend would feel hurt and left out. Instead, he had encountered only deep understanding and delight; even something like I've-tried- to-tell-you-to-for-a-long-time. Could it be possible that McCoy had seen this for two of them even before they themselves did...?

Kirk took a deep breath and sounded the buzzer at his friend's door. When the door opened to admit him, Kirk held his breath for a moment. Spock wore a robe matching his own, only the colors being reversed. "Boy," Kirk said, letting out his breath as the door closed behind him. "Anybody ever tell you look terrific?"

Spock raised an eyebrow at him. "The could be said for you, Captain."

"Will you stop 'Captaining' me, Spock?" "I ask forgiveness. I presume Vulcans are creatures of habit."

Kirk felt some of the tension he had felt earlier ebb away. He gave the Vulcan a grin. "Well, my Vulcan friend, do we remain standing here at the door?"

"That would prove to be rather inconvenient." The Vulcan led Kirk over to the table where he had laid out a meal.

"Hey, Spock - I thought we were getting bonded tonight, remember?" Eyeing the arrangement o fruit and other dishes, he added, "You said nothing about a feast."

"I did indicate that the bonding required certain preparation. This meal will give strength and help to bring us into the right state of mind."

While Kirk seated himself at the low table, the Vulcan turned down the lights so that the cabin was illuminate only by the Vulcan firepot. He then slipped a tape into the player, and soon the cabin was filled with a strange but oddly relaxing music. They ate in companionable silence. When they had finished, Spock filled their glasses with light green Vulcan wine. Raising his glass, he said somberly, "To your health and the everlasting
kinship of our minds, t'hy'la."

Kirk returned the toast, looking up curiously as the Vulcan got to his feet. As he moved to follow suit, the Vulcan shook his head. "No, Jim. Remain seated. I will be back in a moment."

Spock soon returned with what Kirk recognized as the instrument that was to be the centerpiece of the bonding. For one silly moment it reminded him of the tea-warmer he had seen at his grandmother's house. Then, discarding the thought, Kirk took a closer look.

The centerpiece square was measuring about eight inches on each side and was about two inches thick. It was intricately carved from heavy brass, having a hollow on each side and a slight elevation holding a wick in its center. The hollows would be filled with the water offering, and the wick was to be ignited with the psychic flame. Kirk felt a shudder run down his back. Although he trusted Spock implicitly, he doubted his own ability
as far as contributing to lighting the psychic flame was concerned.

Spock must have read his face, for when, he set down the centerpiece on the table, he looked questioningly at Kirk.

"Afraid, Jim?"

Kirk slowly shook his head. "No, I'm not afraid. My only fear is that I might mot be able to do my part in this."

Don't worry, Jim." Spock said, seating himself across from Kirk. "Together, our minds will create the flame easily."

Spock proceeded to clear the table and lay out the things they would need for the ceremony. He placed the centerpiece in the middle of the table, arranging the small flask containing the water offering and a small pipette next to it. Being rare on the desert planet, water played an important part in the bonding ceremony. Spock had explained to him that a few droplets would be placed in the hollows on each side of the wick. Once the psychic
flame was ignited, the water would evaporate, and through the power of the flame, a crystal would form in each of the hollows, which they would then wear on their IDICs as a symbol of their bond.

It had all sounded so easy, but now that they were about to initiate the meld needed for forming the bond and lighting the psychic flame, he felt frightened. What if he let his friend down? Spock seemed to have infinite confidence in the power of their link, but...

When Spock's fingers gently touched his face in the position of the meld, all his fear and doubts dissipated, however. He felt calm, joy, and the warmth of friendship flood himself, and as they entered deeper and deeper into each other's minds, lowering all shields and mental barriers, he was engulfed in pure, genuine love. Then they became one, and soared higher and higher on the wave of their oneness. Finally, for one moment, there was a red- hot searing flame shooting through his mind. Then his mind regained its independence; but he could clearly hear Spock's voice in his mind.

\Concentrate on the wick now, Jim.\

Through his mind's eye he saw a blue flame form and light the wick on the centerpiece, flooding him and his friend with its warmth. For a long moment they basked together in that warmth. Then Spock slowly guided him upwards and finally broke the meld, but Kirk could still feel the warmth within himself.

Tentatively, he sent a \Spock?\ through the bond link.

\Yes, it is done, Jim.\ he heard the reassuring voice in his mind. \Look at the flame.\

Awed, Kirk gazed at the blue flame on the centerpiece. \It continues to burn because our bond is complete,\ explained Spock's voice in his mind. Kirk felt a tear of pure happiness running down his cheek. To his amazement, Spock picked up the pipette, and catching the single tear with it, added it to the water offering in the flask. Then he took the flask and poured a little water into one of the hollows.

Kirk did the same, and together they watched the water slowly evaporate and the crystals form in the hollows.

When the last of the liquid had evaporated, they poured the remnant of the water in the flask over the wick, extinguishing the flame. Spock then reached out to take the crystals which had formed in the hollows.

When he held them up against the light of the firepot, he raised an eyebrow in astonishment. "Fascinating."

In his surprise, the Vulcan had spoken aloud before he was even aware of it. Still unsure about using the bond link, Kirk too
spoke.

"What is it, Spock?" Kirk could feel alarm rising within himself.

Sensing his friend's unease through the link, Spock immediately sent reassurance through the bond. \It's just the color of the crystals. Jim, please turn on the lights.\

As Kirk touched the light switch, a wave of amazement came over the link. Kirk hurried back to his friend's side to find him peering closely at the crystals. "What about their color, Spock?"

"You remember I told you the color of the crystals would indicate the depths of the bond established, ranging from a dark opaque to crystalline white. These are crystal clear... " Spock's voice faded. Instead, Kirk suddenly felt Spock's voice booming in his mind. \Jim! Crystalline white means we have achieved the deepest bonding level possible! This has not been accomplished since the time of the ancient legends. In modern history, the deepest level of bonding reached has been light blue. The implications of this...\ Kirk then felt the mind voice become unsteady, and when he looked
at his friend, he saw that Spock's face had turned pale. Kirk stepped forward and caught his friend in an embrace, leading him to the bed.

\We're really something, aren't we? Hell, you're pretty well shook up. You stay right here while I get us a brandy from my cabin.\

Spock did not offer any protests. When he had reached his cabin, Kirk experimentally probed the bond link.

\Spock, can you hear me?\

\Affirmative.\

\Hey, this really works! It's no illusion, is it?\ AMAZEMENT

\What did you expect?\ AMUSEMENT \It would have to be a mutual illusion, and Vulcans are not prone to fall prey to illusions.\

AWE \I'm so happy! Spock, stay right where you are. I'll be right with you.\

\I know.\

When Kirk returned to Spock's quarters, he found that the Vulcan's face had recovered some color, but Kirk still insisted that he accept some of the brandy he had fetched. As they relaxed over the brandy, Kirk looked expectant. "You mentioned something about the implications of the color of the crystals... ?"

"Well, Jim, I am not expert on such matters, but I do know that we have accomplished something thought not possible before. I will eventually consult with one of the Maters. For now, however - " Spock smiled, then, slipping back into the mind voice, \we should finish what we have begun.\

He reached out and took a black leather case from his night stand. He opened the case to reveal two IDICs. The Vulcan carefully inserted each of the crystals into the corresponding fixture. He then slipped the necklace over Kirk's neck, touching the fingers of his right hand to Kirk's in the Vulcan gesture of affection. Kirk did the same to him, but after a moment moved to hug Spock tight in a warm embrace.

\I'm so happy, Spock, I could burst!\

\I share your happiness, t'hy'la. However, I would not recommend the latter as we have an appointment with Bones. Since he wanted to make sure we have suffered no adverse effects, I do not think he would appreciate it if you ruptured.\

\Spock, you're pulling my leg.\

\I am not aware of having done such a thing, Captain.\ TEASING

\Oh, to hell. Come on, let's go and see Bones!\

* * * * *

McCoy felt intense relief when he saw his two friends entering Sickbay side by side. They had told him they intended to perform the bonding ceremony that night, and although he had not let them see it, McCoy had been worried as hell about the outcome, especially after having witnessed the unsuccessful attempt to break the link. McCoy had been delighted when the two had told him they wanted to bond. It seemed so perfect, so right for them, McCoy had wondered why they'd hadn't thought of it before, particularly when Spock had mentioned that bonding earlier would have prevented all the trouble triggered by the deep healing meld between him and Kirk.

The affinity and closeness between his two friends just called out for a bond complete with harmony. McCoy had read up as much as he could on Vulcan bonding, and knew that such a bond as his friends wished to form was rare but highly respected by Vulcan culture. It dated back to the times of old warrior traditions, when two warriors who complemented each other well would become bonded as Brothers of the Sword, making a team it was almost impossible to outguess in battle. Later, when wars were replaced by the teachings of Surak, the tradition had been carried on in case of those selected few whose minds were extraordinarily attuned to each other. Such cases had become more and more rare, but such a bond was considered highly desirable as it symbolized the philosophy of IDIC as two individuals joined to create a more perfect union while retaining the strengths of each individual.

When he had found no information on Human/Vulcan bonding in any of his sources, marriage bonds such as that of Sarek and Amanda being the only exception, McCoy had questioned Spock on the subject. The Vulcan had acknowledged that the bonding between himself and Kirk was indeed unprecedented.

McCoy had seen in the past how well his two friends matched each other and how easy it was for them to form a meld. Yet a Vulcan full bond was something entirely different, and McCoy could not help but worry about what effects it would have on them, especially on Kirk. After having seen how deeply shaken they had been after that other deep meld, he would have preferred to monitor them during the bonding, or better still have it done under the supervision of a Vulcan healer. He understood and respected, however, that it was too private a thing for the two to have witnesses intruding on their very special ceremony. The best compromise he had been able to come up with was asking them to report to Sickbay as soon as the bonding was complete.

Now that they were approaching, McCoy didn't need his instruments to tell that they looked more happy and relaxed than they had in ages. Kirk seemed to be bursting with excitement and happiness, and even the Vulcan was not entirely successful in hiding his pleasure and contentment.

McCoy got up from his desk and went to meet his friends. "Well, you two, you seem happy enough. So no difficulties, I presume?"

Suddenly McCoy found himself clutched in a bear hug by the Captain of the Enterprise. "Oh, Bones, it's wonderful! I can't begin to tell you what it was like. Spock said we accomplished the very deepest form of bond possible! Bones, I... " Kirk's voice failed him, and McCoy felt his eyes becoming suspiciously moist when he sensed the intense happiness radiating from his friends. It was something that lay beyond words, and McCoy wished for a moment that he could see just a glimpse of what those two shared.

"Well, I'm happy for both of you," he said gruffly, "but you've come down here for me to give you a once-over, so make yourselves comfy on the couches."

For the next half hour, McCoy busied himself running various tests on both Kirk and Spock, including a full electroencephalogram. When he was finally satisfied that there was indeed nothing wrong with his two friends, he shut off the instruments with a flourish. For a moment he tried to retain a businesslike expression on his face, but his emotions got the better of him, and he broke into a happy grin. "Well, this calls for a celebration. I still should have that old brandy bottle hidden somewhere... "

"Is that your diagnosis, Doctor?" Spock raised an eyebrow at him, but there was a new sparkle in his eyes.

"My diagnosis is that both of you are more healthy than I had dared to hope. Spock, your days of idleness are over. You've still got to take it easy, but I'll let you back on light duty. As for the meld, it doesn't seem to have caused any ill effects to either of you. If anything, you're the better for it, as all the signs of strain I previously detected in you - yes, Spock, in you as well - have all disappeared. Now, what about celebrating?"

He looked at his friends expectantly. Although Spock's face was expressionless, an inner battle seemed to take place. Then both his friends' expressions became distant. Undetected by McCoy, the two discussed the subject. It was, in fact, Kirk who felt more uneasy about the suggestion. Knowing that their newly established bond was very special to the Vulcan, he was not sure if Spock would appreciate close contact with the Doctor so soon. Instead, he thought that Spock would want first to savor the bond in private only. He himself wished to become more familiar with the bond before he let anyone else in on it. Although they would register their bond officially on Vulcan, they had not yet decided if they would tell anyone else but the Doctor about it. With McCoy, though, it was very different. He already knew, and Kirk didn't want him to feel left out. The Doctor had, in fact, helped them to find their way, and Kirk wanted to share at least some of his newfound happiness with his old friend.

He finally directed a thought at the Vulcan.

\Spock, what do you think? If you would rather have your peace and quiet now, we'll simply say we're tired \

Sensing Kirk's emotions in addition to his words, Spock answered, \Bones is our friend, and as such I welcome the opportunity to celebrate our union with him. However, you do require some rest. I would therefore advise that we schedule this event for a later date.\

\Thank you, Spock.\ WARMTH \When would you like 'later' to be?"

\This evening would leave you sufficient time to rest, I believe, and it would still be the day of our bonding.\

When he did not receive a reply immediately, McCoy almost regretted asking his friends. After all. the bonding was a very private thing for them, and why would they want to have an old country doctor around to celebrate it? He imagined that Spock, especially, would prefer his privacy. "Hey, look - if you don't really want to, I understand. It was silly of me... "

Just then, his two friends began to speak in unison. "Tonight would be... " Realizing that they both had spoken, they stopped, and Kirk began to laugh.

"What we meant to say, Bones," he finally managed to gasp, "is that we would very much like you to join us tonight."

"We? I don't quite get this. Are you sure? Spock?"

The Vulcan inclined his head gravely. "Yes, Doctor. We have discussed this in detail, and we would both be honored if you came to my quarters to do honor to our bonding, which you, as our closest friend, are entitled to share."

"You discussed it? I didn't hear - Oh, boy, I forgot all about that bond of yours. You know, it'll take me a while to get used to it. For an innocent bystander, it sure is spooky... " Suddenly McCoy broke off as the full impact of Spock's words hit home. For the second time that day, McCoy felt his eyes sting. He cleared his throat noisily. "The honor is mine, Spock. Are you really sure you want me around?"

"According to Vulcan tradition, Bones," the Vulcan said with only the slightest hesitation at the use of McCoy's nickname, "a bonding is celebrated in the circle of the immediate family or, in the case of a friendship bond such as ours, in the company of the bonded pair's closest friends. Not to do so would be a breach of tradition. Please come, Doctor."

McCoy helplessly looked from one friend to the other, at a loss for words. Kirk gave him a grin in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "Don't forget to bring the bottle , Bones. You promised it, remember?"

"Don't worry, I won't forget it." McCoy returned the grin, but then quickly crossed the few steps that separated him from his friends, and he drew Kirk close into another embrace. Finally, his emotions got the better of him, and his withheld tears spilled over. Kirk returned the hug, and when McCoy looked into the Captain's eyes he saw his own emotions mirrored there. "I'm sorry. This is a happy occasion. You're really right with what you've so often told me, Spock; I should really learn to keep my emotions in check."

Suddenly McCoy felt a third, slightly warmer, hand on his shoulder. "Emotional restraint is not always desirable, Bones. The past events have been strenuous for all of us. We do appreciate your care. For now, however, it would be advisable that we all rest."

Sensing the emotional turmoil in McCoy, he withdrew his hand from the Doctor's shoulder, reaching for his face instead. "If you will permit, Bones... "

McCoy looked incredulously at the Vulcan for the fraction of a second, not really believing that he had given up his dislike of physical contact for him and was offering him a meld - something which in extreme emergency had been reserved only for Kirk. Unable to speak, he only signaled his permission with his eyes.

He then felt a featherlight touch in his mind. He felt all his nervous tension disappear and the turmoil of his emotions ease. From somewhere, he also sensed Kirk's presence, but Spock withdrew the link before he had time to assimilate any of the input. Yet the brief touch had shown him some of the beauty the meld held, and he felt the warm friendship coming from both Kirk and Spock. It was hard to believe that he had once been afraid of the telepathic contact.

It took him a moment to adjust back to reality. Straightening, he simply said, "Thanks, Spock."

Spock gave him a small smile in return. "You are welcome, Bones,"

Kirk felt that he, too, would have a hard time dealing with his emotions and tagged Spock's sleeve. "Come on, my Vulcan friend. You said we should get some rest, and we won't get that hanging around here in Sickbay. Besides, you promised to play me some music on your lyrette before I go to sleep. We'll see you tonight, Bones.

Although he was overjoyed for his two friends, McCoy also felt a sense of relief when the Sickbay doors had closed behind them. McCoy agreed with whoever it was who had said that too much of anything, even happiness, could be hard to bear. He did not know how he would have managed had the Vulcan not helped him.

Spock. McCoy smiled fondly at the thought. The supposedly unemotional Vulcan had been concerned about the peace of mind of someone who, by strangers, had sometimes been thought to be an enemy. It had taken them a long time to acknowledge their friendship, if only through their mutual bickering, let alone in words. McCoy would always have trusted the Vulcan with his life, but so far had not been sure about the extent of their friendship. He had always considered their shared friendship for Kirk as the one stabilizing factor in their relationship. The events of the past weeks had let him reconsider and re-evaluate their relationship.

What passed between Kirk and Spock was more than mere friendship. The two were the closest friends and were what was poetically called 'brothers of the soul'. It seemed that, though Spock would probably never admit it to him, he had learned the meaning of the word 'love'.

McCoy now regretted that he had once accused the Vulcan of not having that word in his vocabulary. Maybe he did not pronounce it, but he lived it all right. Come to think of it, it had been Spock who was around Kirk most of the time in the first few days and weeks after he had lost his android love, and it seemed that Spock had been able to help Kirk come to terms with his loss.

So why did it almost have to cost his friends' lives to make them and him fully realize and acknowledge their feelings for each other?

Dwelling on past mistakes, however, does not help but only wastes precious time and is unproductive.

Now where had thought come from? His mind was beginning to sound like Spock! Those speech pattern must really rub off.

Tiredly, McCoy stopped his train of thought and rubbed his eyes. Spock had been right; they all needed rest. Knowing about his friends' planned bonding, McCoy had been unable to sleep the previous night. Wondering if he would be able to settle down to sleep now, McCoy walked over to the medicine cabinet. When he opened it to take out a bottle of sleeping pills, though, he felt a pleasant feeling of tiredness come over him and a yawn escaped him. He put the bottle back in the cabinet. He would be able to sleep without the dubious aid of drugs. That brief mind touch of Spock's must really have done the trick. Maybe Kirk would not need sleeping pills so often...

Closing the cabinet, McCoy stifled another yawn. Never had the thought of his bed - without some pretty company - seemed so attractive. He would have to catch up on his paperwork later. Leaving Sickbay, McCoy made straight for his cabin without even considering visiting one of the rec rooms for an early lunch.

Once he had reached his quarters, McCoy just pulled off his boots before lying down and pulling the cover up to his chin. A wonderful warmth began to spread through him, and within a few minutes, he slept.

* * * * *

Kirk and Spock walked in silence down the corridor to the turbolift. Instead of talking, Kirk was almost constantly testing their communication through the bond. Spock could feel Kirk's excitement bubble, and he was also aware that the mental exchanges were wearing Kirk out as he, as a non-telepath, was not used to them. Yet he knew Kirk would never admit just how tired he was, and knowing how excited he was Spock guessed that he probably did not even feel it at the moment. Spock had been hard put to it to convince Kirk that it was not wise to stop at the mess to eat. Only reminding him of the evening ahead had made him accept the idea that the food dispenser in his quarters would also provide him with a meal and possibly an additional hour of sleep.

Once they had stopped at the door to Kirk's cabin, Spock wondered if he should maybe use the link to help Kirk sleep as he had done for McCoy. Kirk, who was becoming quite good at picking up Spock's thoughts, immediately sent a protest through their bond.

\No, Spock! You promised you would play me to sleep on your lyrette. You know how much your playing relaxes me. Please.\

Kirk's wishes were becoming illogical because of his tiredness. Yet he did not want to escalate it through a lengthy discussion, which - knowing Kirk - would probably be fruitless anyway. Also he must not allow Kirk to tire himself any further by continuing to use the mind voice. Without shutting the Human out completely, Spock gently shielded his mind. Shielding would become imperative soon, anyway, since Kirk was learning to read him even faster than he had expected, and an excess of this kind of exchange could be harmful to their individuality.

For the moment, though, the most important thing was to persuade Kirk to get the rest he needed so badly. The easiest course of action would probably be to humor him.

It was not to be easy, however. Kirk had sensed the erection of Spock's shields, and there was hurt in his voice when he spoke.

"Why are you shutting me out, Spock?"

"Jim, please. I am not shutting you out. You should still feel me in your mind. Both of us will have to learn to shield our thoughts, however. As you are a non-telepath, being in constant contact places great strain on you. It will become easier as your mind becomes accustomed to the bond. Also since both our races use speech as the main means of communication, it is advisable that we maintain it as such, particularly in public."

"You aren't having second thoughts, are you?" Kirk asked in a small voice.

Aware of his friend's need for reassurance, Spock switched back to the mind voice. \Jim, we went through this before we bonded. You are very tired and should rest.\

"You're right, of course, Spock. I should be grateful instead of doubting your motives. I'm sorry." He smiled sheepishly before adding mentally, \And I'll be a good boy and get ready for bed.\

\While I get my lyrette,\ Spock flashed back.

When the Vulcan had left, Kirk undressed, carelessly tossing his clothes on the floor. He stepped into the shower, allowing himself the luxury of a hot water shower. As he stood under the running hot water, he slowly felt tight muscles relax and some of the strain disappear. He had not really realized just how tired he was. He just hoped that he hadn't the Vulcan. Spock had told him about the necessity of learning to shield before they bonded.

He had not thought he would get used to the close link so fast or so easily. It had only taken him a few hours to interpret the 'emissions' from the Vulcan. When Spock had shielded some of his output, he had felt something very akin to panic. The closeness was so beautiful, so special, that he did not want to miss any of it. Yet Spock was right, of course. They had to keep functioning as two individuals, and shielding was necessary.

Besides, there might well be some thoughts he himself would rather not let Spock see. Somehow he had the feeling that Spock would not appreciate sharing his fantasies about some pretty women... Kirk smiled and began to hum to himself. They still had a lot of learning to do, but it would sure be rewarding.

By the time Spock returned carrying his lyrette, he could hear Kirk's loud but not too melodious voice singing disharmony with the splashing of the running water. The Vulcan was just considering returning after Kirk had finished his shower when the sounds stopped and Kirk emerged from the bathroom, clad in his bathrobe. On bare feet, he padded over to his bed. Sitting down wearily, he began to rub dry his hair. Then he slopped into bed and pulled the cover up to his shoulders.

Turning onto his side he looked at Spock expectantly. "I'm so glad you're here. I love music." When he noticed Spock's eyebrow rise slightly, he grinned. "You caught me singing in the shower, didn't you? I hope I didn't assault your hearing too much, my friend!"

Spock pulled up a chair and dimmed the lights. He began to play softly, and soon Kirk's eyes began to close. When the Vulcan slowed his play, however, Kirk's eyes opened again. "Please, Spock, don't stop," he begged in a sleepy voice. \Please stay... \

\I'll stay until you're asleep,\ came the reassuring thought in return.

After a while, Kirk's even breathing told the Vulcan that he was asleep. He continued to play softly, nevertheless, watching the sleeping features of his friend. The mind union with Kirk was closer than he had dared hope for. In his mind, he could feel Kirk's presence and well-being. At last he would no longer have to worry when they were separated. He would sense it immediately if something was wrong with Kirk. He was not sure over how great a distance the bond would allow them to reach each other; only time would show and their bond being as close As was indicated by the psychic crystals, no-one could yet tell what they were going to accomplish. Kirk's powerful mind was one of the main contributing factors to the depth of their bond.

Spock could not help but feel amazed at the ease with which Kirk was adapting to it. Already he was beginning to use the link as a natural means of communication, as was indicated by his using it just before he fell asleep.

A happy smile appeared on Kirk's lips, and for a moment Spock wondered what was passing through his sleeping friend's mind. He could have 'listened in' on Kirk's dream, but that was a temptation Spock did not even think about. He sat gazing at Kirk's bedside viewer, which was displaying a view of space - Kirk had turned it on before he lay down, as he usually did.

The stars were beautiful indeed. Amount them, he had not only found a home, but also friends. And... love. He had always suspected that it had been the same with Kirk, and maybe that, in part, explained their special affinity.

After touching the lyrette to produce a final note, he laid it aside and got up to pull the cover back up to Kirk's shoulder from where it had slipped when Kirk had moved in his sleep. He bent over and turned off the viewer. Then, picking up his lyrette, he cast one final look at his sleeping friend. He, too, would require a period of meditation before taking care of the preparations for tonight's celebration. He walked over to the door quietly, turned out the lights, and left.

* * * * *

When McCoy woke in the late afternoon, he felt refreshed and relaxed. He was looking forward to the special evening spent with Kirk and Spock, especially as Spock had said that it was to be held according to Vulcan tradition. McCoy was not exactly sure what to expect, considering that Spock did not usually talk too much about Vulcan customs. McCoy briefly wondered if he should wear his dress uniform to honor the occasion, but dismissed the idea. After all, he was spending an evening with his friends, and wearing the hated dress uniform would only make him feel stiff and out of place. Instead, he finally decided to wear not even his standard uniform, but civilian clothes. He simply felt more comfortable in corduroys and a cardigan, and he was sure that the thorough Vulcan would have informed him if any special attire was required. The only thing he was worried about was that a traditional Vulcan meal might include plomeek soup.

The best way to find out would be to get going. Glancing at his wrist chronometer, McCoy saw it was time to leave anyway. He certainly did not want to be late for this, his friends' special evening!

When the door to Spock's quarters opened to admit him, he stood in awed silence for a moment. Spock and Kirk were a sight to behold. They wore identical Vulcan robes, the only difference being that the colors were reversed. Then the two stepped forward to welcome him. McCoy found himself clasped in a tight bear hug by Kirk while the Vulcan almost shyly clasped his hand. After extracting himself from Kirk's hug, McCoy cleared his throat and withdrew the brandy bottle from the pocket of his cardigan.

"Well, I'm not sure what to say on such an occasion, but you know you have all my best wishes."

Kirk took the bottle from him and smiled warmly. "We're glad to have you with us tonight, Bones." Not wanting the atmosphere to become over emotional again, he quickly indicated the bottle and grinned. "You know, this alone is well worth it."

"Indeed." Spock gravely inclined his head. "Yet I hope this will not keep you from trying some Vulcan beverages tonight, Doctor."

"Kandruru?" McCoy asked expectantly.

He was rewarded by a slight smile from the Vulcan. "Among other things, yes. Now come."

McCoy was led over to a low table laden with dishes. The meal that followed lasted for over two hours and was shared in companionable silence. To McCoy's great relief there had been no plomeek soup. The Vulcan dishes that had been present were all recipes from Spock's home - except for Kirk's favorite chocolate chunk ice cream and a large butter cream cake - and were delicious. McCoy had never thought he would be able to enjoy strictly vegetarian food to such an extent. Spock told them that he had had the food processor especially programmed for this occasion, and it had been well worth the effort.

When the dishes were all empty at last, McCoy, with a sigh, leaned back on the cushions arranged on the floor. "Spock, that was the greatest meal I've ever had, but I'm so full I think I'm going to die."

"I think not, Doctor. I have recently had the opportunity to study Humans and their eating habits more closely, and if a rich meal were fatal to them, Jim would be dead a hundred times over."

Kirk grinned accusingly in the Vulcan's direction, sending an affectionate, \So you've used me as a guinea pig!\ through the bond link before turning to McCoy. "It's true, Bones. Ever since we came back from our medical leave, Spock's been stuffing me with all kinds of different Vulcan treats. If it continues like this, you'll soon put me on diet again. I've found, however, that drop of kandruru has helped me in case of indigestion, so I suggest we have some."

"Gladly," McCoy said, studying the Vulcan as he rose, got the flask and the goblets, and filled one for each of them. The Vulcan's features were relaxed, and McCoy was sure he detected a sparkle of amusement at their exchange in the dark eyes. It was hard to believe, but with his guard lowered somewhat, the Vulcan was able to tease and enjoy a teasing in return. Not that it made him any less Vulcan! McCoy had observed the same kind of behavior between Sarek and his wife. He was happy, though, that Spock had finally relaxed enough in his presence to allow him to see this trait in his personality, which he normally kept so carefully hidden. Judging from the look in Kirk's eye's and the answering affectionate glow in Spock's darker ones, another amusing thought had just passed between them. If only he could share for just one second... But that was an unfair wish. You didn't pry on the thoughts passed between two who were as close as his friends. He should be - and was - grateful that they were willing to spend the evening of their bonding with him.

McCoy took the goblet holding the kandruru that Kirk offered and drank slowly. He watched his two friends do the same, and when they had finished, both got to their feet in unison and started to clear the table. McCoy made a move to help, but Kirk placed a restraining hand on his shoulder while the Vulcan said, "Don't, Doctor. Tonight you are our guest, therefore you must not bother about such tasks. Jim and I will be back with you in a moment."

McCoy lay back with contented sigh. In the beginning he had found it strange to eat seated only on cushions on the floor, but soon had begun to appreciate the relaxed atmosphere it created. At informal gatherings such as this, the Vulcans returned to the ways passed on over the centuries, and this sure was to be preferred to a meal spent sitting on those hard, high-backed chairs McCoy had come to know and hate on his few visits to Vulcan.

Presently his two friend returned, with Kirk carrying a beautifully carved chandelier holding incense candles while Spock had brought his lyrette. The Vulcan seated himself in a chair and began to tune the lyrette softly. After lighting the candles, Kirk sat on the floor, leaning against Spock's chair.

Now that he thought of it, McCoy realized that it was the position Kirk almost always chose on the rare occasions when the three friends spent an evening together and Spock decided to play for them. Then Spock began to play, and McCoy became lost in the music. Time ceased to exist as he floated upwards with each note Spock played. Although he had heard the Vulcan play before, and admired his talent, this was the most beautiful music he had ever heard.

McCoy had lost all sense of time when the music finally stopped. He seemed too relaxed even to move an eyelid, but when he finally did open his eyes he found Spock's dark eyes gazing at him with an expression of open warmth. The air had become heavy with incense, and McCoy wasn't sure at first if it hadn't clouded his senses. Then Kirk, too, opened his eyes and smiled at his confused expression.

"I see you enjoyed yourself, Bones. We did too, didn't we, Spock?"

Spock broke into one of his rare smiles. "Indeed we did."

Finally McCoy found that he could trust his voice again enough to speak. "Spock, I don't know how to thank you. This was the most beautiful music I have ever heard. But tell me, how did you do it... ?"

In response, Spock gave him another almost shy smile. "It seems that since being bonded to Jim, I am more able to appreciate and create... beauty. I am not entirely sure why, but.. Jim has been contributing to my playing."

Kirk had risen and refilled their goblets. Then he reached McCoy, he touched his arm briefly. "Bones, I can sense that there is something you... need. If there is anything we can do, just ask."

McCoy felt that yearning for unity rise again, and had to admit to himself that de did feel left out, just a little. Lost in his thoughts, he had not noticed Spock move with swift grace to stand at his side as well. Then the Vulcan sat on the floor next to him and spoke quietly.

"There is no need to be ashamed of your longing, Bones. And do not feel left out. We are both your friends."

Sensing what the Vulcan intended, Kirk flopped down on the other side of McCoy. Now that he and Spock were so close, they had to take great care not to hurt their mutual friend. McCoy was just as lonely as they had been.

He was amazed that Spock was already willing to share some of their precious closeness with their friend, but it would be the perfect solution to show McCoy that he was still appreciated and needed. Knowing that Spock might be embarrassed to put into words just how much he cared for the Doctor, Kirk spoke for both of them.

"Bones, there is something we would very much like to share with you. If you'll agree, Spock can initiate a three way meld, a way to affirm our shared gift of friendship."

McCoy had great trouble fighting down the lump that was beginning to form in his throat. When he could speak at last, it was in a rather hoarse voice.

"You can't begin to imagine how much I would like that, but... I... I can't ask that of you. Your bond is so new... so precious and unique... I have no right to pry into it."

"You won't pry, Bones," Kirk said. "We want to share this with you. You belong..." His voice trailed off, at a loss to put into words what he felt and what he thought of their special triad relationship.

Kirk turned to Spock, but before he had time to ask for any assistance, the Vulcan was acting on his own. He reached out a hand and gently turned McCoy's face towards himself.

"Bones, Jim is right," he said softly. "You do belong with us, and you will not 'pry'. The meld I can offer will only help us... acknowledge our feelings for each other. You are our closest friend, and... You know I have great difficulty... "

When the Vulcan fell silent, McCoy responded in the only way he knew at that moment and drew him into an impulsive and very Human hug. The next moment McCoy regretted his impulsiveness, for he feared that the Vulcan would resent the physical contact.

However, instead of tensing under the embrace as McCoy had expected, he shyly, if slightly awkwardly, briefly returned the hug. Then he moved and gently touched his fingers to Kirk's and McCoy's temples, instructing them to do the same. In the beginning, McCoy only sensed a vague feeling of warmth in his mind. Soon, however, he could make out two presences in his mind, and the two gently guided him on his discovery of the maze of their inner beings.

McCoy saw himself pictured through the eyes of the others; buddy and confidant for Jim Kirk, respected colleague and trusted friend for Spock. Then Spock showed him how their friendship had developed.

First there had been mild professional curiosity how a Human as eccentric as McCoy had earned such brilliant reputation in Starfleet. Then, as they worked together, open respect for the other's abilities had arisen. After the first couple of months their mutual friendship and concern for their impetuous Captain had drawn them together. Gradually, friendship and mutual affection had developed out of the respect, turning finally into unspoken but underlying love. Then, as they were at last able to acknowledge their feelings for each other, Kirk's essence joined them, spreading a soft, warm golden glow over his two friends, filling their minds with affectionate laughter.

The part of the mental trinity that was McCoy felt a sense of wonder at the immense closeness and love shared with his friends. This was a gift of pure love. Presently, he felt his thoughts mirrored and reflected back by the other two. Suddenly, the last of his subconscious resistance was gone and he was truly one with his friends. For an eternity, all three drifted, enveloped by the sea of love as they had done before with the music. Only this floating was more intent, and then it was as if music was born out of their mental union, softly at first, becoming more and more intense. It seemed to consist of three different parts, joining together to form a piece even more beautiful than the music Spock had played before.

Finally the music faded slowly, and with it the closeness with his two friends. He felt intense regret at having the unity with his friends broken, but the rational part of his mind told him that closeness such as he had just experienced could not be maintained over a longer period of time.

Gradually the meld diminished in intensity, and at last all McCoy could feel was again just a feather like touch and a gentle warmth caressing him. When the contact was broken, a warm sense of well-being stayed with him, but to his amazement he felt emotionally exhausted and physically so relaxed that he couldn't move. He felt strong hands easing him back against the cushions. Even to speak seemed to much effort, but he felt he had to express his gratitude.

"Jim, Spock," he whispered. "I can hardly... "

Simultaneously, Kirk reached out and placed a gentle finger on his lips, hushing him, while Spock chided mildly, "No need to speak, Bones. This was shared, therefore there is no need to put into words what you felt, as we each felt the same."

"I... " McCoy tried again, but Kirk said softly, "Quit being silly, Bones. You heard what Spock said. Just relax. I know you must feel exhausted. I'm closely attuned to Spock, yet this has drained me."

Kirk stretched out on the cushions next to McCoy, punching the Doctor playfully. "It feels good to be so totally relaxed, doesn't it Bones. You really feel a bit like a rag doll!"

McCoy felt himself growing rapidly sleepy. Already half asleep he mumbled, "I don't want to leave... "

"We don't want you to, Bones," said Spock's voice quietly, and McCoy felt a blanket being snugly wrapped around him. The Vulcan then moved over to spread another blanket over Kirk, who smiled his thanks at him. Kirk too had to battle his tiredness, but he caught the Vulcan's hand, which was tugging the blanket around his shoulders, and squeezed it tightly.

\Spock, I know you'll say I'm not logical, but I want to thank you nevertheless, especially for Bones. I've been so afraid our new found closeness would hurt him... I'm just so glad for all of us.\

\Jim, you are being illogical. Through the melds and our bond, you know that I share your affection and concern for McCoy. But I, too, am grateful... Humans do have that need to have reassurance of how others feel about them, and I... \

\And my unemotional Vulcan couldn't express in words what his heart felt. Just take it from this very illogical Human, I'm so happy we have this, and I felt the Human need to communicate my gratitude.\

\I know and I understand, Jim. However, I also know you were exhausted by this meld and require rest.\

\I don't want this evening to end, Spock. Therefore, although I'm tired, I don't think I want to sleep just yet.\

\I don't think I'll ever be able to follow that particular way of reasoning you employ on occasion.\ AMUSEMENT \I think I will be able to help however.\

Spock picked up his lyrette and began to play softly. Soon the awareness of Kirk in his mind became dimmed by a haze of sleep. He continued playing for a while longer. Finally he put his lyrette aside and for one fleeting moment considered retiring to the sleeping section of his cabin; then dismissed the idea and gave in to his illogical desire to stay and watch his friends in their sleep.

Only time would tell how their relationship was going to develop. With time, his bond with Kirk would probably even deepen in strength. When they had learned to use it to its full extent, it could become an enormous help in their work as well. Yet Spock had to admit to himself that that was not the aspect he savored most. At last the part of his inner being that had always been longing had been filled.

One night when he was little boy, when he had been heartbroken and on the verge of tears after a particularly sharp taunting from his classmates, his mother had gathered him in her arms, and pointing to the stars she had told him that somewhere out there there were friends for everyone, and Fate would bring him his just as she had met his father.

He had had to wait for a long time, but the reward of his oneness with Kirk and the friendship with the Doctor had been well worth the waiting.

He was content.



The End