Title: The Peach Bubble Bath Infestation

Author: Jungle Kitty

Contact: kittyjungle@earthlink.net

Series: TOS

Posted: 3/17/01

Part: 1/1

Codes: TOS, humor

Rating: PG

Feedback: Yes, please. If you post comments to ASC, please cc: me at jkitty@accesscom.com. My newsfeed is unreliable.

Archive: ASC and WWOMB yes, all others please ask

Summary: Ok, so I'm reading this girly-to-infinity-and-beyond fanfic story and it's not Trek but it's got peach-scented bubble bath in it for god's sake and honest, I just meant to write one little snarky comment to share with the dear friend who pointed me towards this demon-spawn of Mr. Bubble...

The Star Trek characters and universe are the property of Paramount and Viacom. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not intended to infringe upon that. The copyright applies only to the author's creative content.



THE PEACH BUBBLE BATH INFESTATION: A BAD DAY IN FANFIC
By Jungle Kitty (c) 2001


WEEEEoooooooWWEEEEEEEoooooooWEEEEEEEEEooooooooo!

"Triple peach girly alert! Clear the area! Damage reports!"

"Sick bay reports most of the crew has choked to death on toxic peach nectar fumes, sir."

"Captain, the girly compensating dampers canna take much more!"

"Divert all power to something else and don't distract me while I'm mooning at my first officer...Sigh."

"Captain, sensors report that the Klingons are boarding. The crew members that are still conscious have all run into the bathroom crying."

"Dammit, Spock! How...didthishappen? I! Want! Answers!"

"I regret that I have no explanation."

"I'll tell you how it happened, you pointy-eared sandalwood-sucking braid-chewing angst-ridden half-breed outcast! If it weren't for you mincing around wearing blue eyeshadow, throwing looks that mean god-knows-what at Jim every time you can't remember your lines and being sexually ambiguous and intriguingly inaccessible, no one would have ever thought of slash! And now look what's happened! There's not a male character on TV who's safe from the overwrought imaginings of every silly twit who couldn't get a date to her prom and has access to a keyboard!"

"Doctor, I must congratulate you on your analysis--"

"Oh, shut up and kiss me, you boney-assed hunk of mint jelly!"

"Now wait a minute, Bones, hands off my man or I'll scratch your eyes out!"

"Yeah, you and what army, Jim boy? If you can't keep him, then just back off and let someone else do the job!"

/Ah this is most satisfactory. The two hottest men on the ship--other than myself of course--are about to fight over me. At last I understand why T'Pring made the choice she did./

"Look, Sulu, a catfight! They vere inwented in Russia, you know."

"Oh goody goody!"

"ALL RIGHT, SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU!"

"Huh?" "Huh?" "Huh?"

"As the only person aboard this ship who hasn't been reduced to a quivering mass of teenage insecurities, I'm taking over!"

"But that's mutiny!"

"And about time! ATTENTION ALL HANDS--THIS IS YOUR NEW CAPTAIN SPEAKING. GRAB SOMETHING AND HOLD ON TIGHT. All right, Scotty, open all the airlocks and blow those Klingons into space! Mr. Sulu, flood the ducts with FDS to neutralize that damn peach smell! And Mr. Chekov, so help me god, if you scream once more, I'll make you go to sickbay and listen to Chris Chapel whine for at least a week."

"Uhura, I'm frightened."

"That's Captain Uhura to you, pretty boy."



[The End]