THE TOP 12 WAYS TO ANNOY A TREKKIE

12. Paint his Spock ears red for that "

11. Interrupt James Doohan's convention speech by shouting, "Beam me up, Tubby!"

10. Tell her you've seen butthair more realistic than Kirk's toupee.

9. Tell him that it sounds like his Geo Metro's antimatter injection tubes are out of phase balance with the warp coils, then watch him go nuts trying to run a level one diagnostic.

8. Wear the Star Fleet badge upside down and loudly proclaim, "I am the Anti-Kirk!"

7. Point out that asking a women if she fancies a Romulan ale whilst wearing your Klingon head prosthetic and ill-fitting Federation Uniform is a terrible way to pull chicks.

6. Ask him why the phrase "gettin' to third base" is curiously absent from his Klingon glossary.

5. Tell him that in a parallel universe, women don't get nauseous at the sight of him.

4. Constantly remark that the relationship between Spock and Kirk has definite homosexual overtones.

3. Say "Captain, I'm sensing a profound feeling of... geekiness.

2. Haul him into to court and threaten to end his virtual monopoly on PC operating systems.

1. When she asks if you'd like fries with that, reply, "Make it so, ho!"