Title: Here's to Dandelions

ARCHIVE? Yes.

Summary: Kathryn Janeway feels a loss of femininity upon her menopause and all bets are off about her staying alone. Chakotay helps her through a difficult time as she comes to terms once again with her love life with another beyond Mark.

Disclaimer: Gee. All people here are theirs. Paramount is the God of Star Trek. They just let me play in their backyard.

Comments: This is a first attempt by me to write J/C or even.... any NC-17 material.. All comments welcome. I had fun. I write canon PG-13 as hobby on a Trek Writer's site.

Here's to Dandelions
by Anotherjaneway

"Push!" the EMH urged his patient.

*Grunt* "I AM pushi- ingg! Ugh!" Punctuated gasps filled the charged tension in sickbay to those awaiting just outside the obstetric medical field. Chakotay, Samantha Wildman and Kathryn Janeway stood discreetly out of eyeshot of the business end of B'Elanna Torres and her labor coaching husband.

"Don't forget to breathe!" Samantha offered.

"I AM if I am talking to you." came the succinct reply from B'Elanna.

Tom Paris, "Temper on full follows sarcasm. Right doc? Right on schedule..just like you said she would be."

"Glad to know I'm appreciated around here. It's typical Klingon physionomy to lash out under duress, .." the EMH leaned into B'Elanna's ear, whispering. "Keeps away social blunders..."

Chakotay added, "Come on.. seven minutes until the time I picked comes due.."

"Don't rush me..mmmmgh!!" Torres grinned tightly. "Already the impatient god father. Heartwarming to know you are making profits off your godchild even on her birthing day.. Oh!"

The EMH looked up from the drapes with a smile.. "And he's doing a great job keeping you from breaking your husband's metatarsals while you're seeing to it.."

Torres eyes suddenly flew open and she let go of everything she had been hanging onto during the contractions. "Oh, I am so sorry, Tom!" she gasped. "I-I didn't... did I? To think I am responsible for ending our ability to have....."

Paris straightened from the hunch he was curled into over her bed. Flushing redder than his on duty uniform. "He meant hand, B'Elanna not-"

"I know what he MEANT!! You pathetic PaTagh! agHHHHHHHHHHH! paant pantpant.. This iiiiss so stupid.. I thought my Klingon DNA was supposed to let me have an easy time of it.. doc.. there's" she laughed airlessly, "There's got to be an explanation for all this p---" The rise in B'Elanna's scream signalled the moment had finally come.

The ring of crew around Torres's delivery bed, let out the breaths they all were collectively holding until a lusty wail came forth, answering life after its first sting of reality..

SLAP! "WAHHHHhhhhh....* gasp* WAhhhhhHHHHhh RRRrwwwwwwwwwaarrrrr"

Sara'Be'Lon agreed most heartedly with her mother's reasoning, and let them all know how she felt it, with angry fists that flailed against the containment field around her.

"Oh,.. she adorable..." Kathryn sighed, drawing near to offer a pinky to the newborn's rage.

"Ah.. captain..." the EMH gently said, "She is quite strong.. she may injure you in spite of your good intentions..."

Janeway stopped her move, and the smile on her face shattered. She quickly recovered into a look of all business. "Of course, doctor.. I wouldn't presume to debate you.." And she stepped back reluctantly, still ambivalent, with such a glowing package of vitality so very near her. The infant was hidden from view in warm wraps, and gingerly, B'Elanna collected her daughter in softness. "Hellloo there..." she cooed, "You are quite the battler! Aren't you....? Hehhhhhhhee" she sighed.

Captain Janeway felt a stab, quite unexpected, of .... ::Jealousy?:: she thought. She folded arms about herself and saw Chakotay and Tom and the others wellwishing and handshaking whoever won the time of birth bet vigorously.

Kathryn heard but did not listen to herself offer congratulations and praises to Torres and Paris, feeling detached and curiously withdrawn emotionally. A pall drifted into her heart.

------------------------------------------------------------

She left for the bridge soon after. ::I-I have to analyze these ...feelings... I:: she sat down in the center seat,::I... didn't know I had them.. but what could I possibly be jealous of? It's not actually like, deep down, I wanted the mother of that little girl to be...::

"Kathryn?" a soothing timbre addressed her.

Janeway jolted one leg off the neat cross leg she normally used and her foot fell to the carpet a little loudly. "Y-Yes, Chakotay?"

He was silent for a few seconds, testing her discomforture he saw in her stance. Then his eyes carried a warmth to her that she caught like a life line. "I noticed you left sickbay, skipping the birthday celebration.." he said taking the seat to her left, signing off on a sensor report. "Tom and B'Elanna adored the quilting you gave them. Looks like you spent weeks making it."

The captain studied her hands, not looking at him, but a small smile crept into her chin, "I did. Had a hell of a time deciding the color scheme..B'Elanna's daughter is only the second child to be born on Voyager. But I knew what I wanted for her. I had to offer a piece of...tradition from the planet she's bound to meet someday. My grandmother did it for my mother, and her mother's mother for grand mama, in a line, following right down to me..." the light left her eyes and they filled with a moroseness that wasn't lost on Chakotay. He didn't rush her.

She stabbed a console panel for the next page in her daily reports. "So, here, now, ... I may never have a daughter to share that tradition with.."

The words were out even before Kathryn could blink and she met him fully in the eyes, her defense absent, and she was both vulnerable and sad.

Chakotay set down the pad he had been holding, his face rounded with concern when he realized she was giving in to a deeply personal admission. He was moved...but he didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Kathryn was not one for shallow placitudes so he showed he was absolutely there for her by not looking away. ::This is a side I've never seen in her.:: he wondered. ::What's changed? I didn't know Kathryn's thoughts centered with family memories lately.. I must be slipping.::

Janeway glanced around the bridge, usually the sole source of her passion and purpose, "Seven years.." she sighed wearily, "It's been seven long years since we've started Voyager on her journey." She threw up her hands, gathering her thoughts. "Is this all that I am meant to be, Chakotay? A captain for a crew that may never get home to their families? And now ...this." she smacked her own abdomen. She put a restless hand to her mouth, hiding her emotional reactions from others who might see her.

"The doctor told me "good news" on my last physical exam...

'You're forty five years old' he said, 'It was bound to happen sooner or later but in your case, it's sooner..

Welcome to menopause..Take two estrogen pills and call me in the morning." she shifted in agitation, barely masked, "He said it so matter of factly. Like he didn't care about my sense of femininity.."

Chakotay held up a hand gently at her then put a finger to his lips to protect her for their volume's sake.

"So, it's come to only that?" he frowned ruefully. "You're still the same person, Kathryn.." he grinned. "Don't make it sound as if you weren't. I've gone through a few physical alterations of my own. Honest truth now.
Did you see me pouting over the gray hair suddenly peppering all over my head last month?"

"I..."

"You are most definitely, not,...unvital yet, Kathryn. Long way from it.." He sat back with a resounding thunk in his chair, plying a flourish of pads to transfer her report to his conn station. Then he smiled just a tiny bit for her benefit. "I'd be the first to let you know if that ever comes true." he said firmly.

It was Kathryn's turn to be freshly surprised, put off kilter. She didn't rightly know how to handle his oddly worded zinger just then so she buried herself into her work but she was very aware the whole time of Chakotay's presence so near by her side.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

That had been the beginning, however tenuous, when they both knew it was time for their mutual changes to start governing them in ways beyond duty. ::Old age. Hell.:: Janeway snapped. :: It more like creeped up on the both of us than crashed down like some hormonal wave front...::

For them, they both agreed. :: No lies and no I'm-in-the-chain-of-command so I can't" excuses to use anymore.

All right with you, Chakotay? I'm tired of song and dance with love.::

Time had tempered them. The natural friendship Kathryn and Chakotay began on New Earth, finally, took bloom..

---------------------------------------------------------------

It was over their usual weekly dinner one night, pouring over crew evaluations, that their talks grew more personal and revealing. It was an experiment for both them. Each had seen the other take on other relationships in the past in a search for closeness from afar but they each also saw those attempts had also, almost always, end due to circumstances beyond their control.

Kathryn had finished lighting the many candles she favored for their amber glowing hue they cast around the room when she came home at night.

She and Chakotay were in the middle of twenty questions. ::Or is it, truth, dare, double dare?:: she wondered.

"So,..how did you like kissing a Borg?" Janeway plied mercilessly.

Chakotay made a face, puckering around his wine glass, "I wouldn't have called Iliana a Borg.. Beside, when we were together, I was suffering from a serious neurological head injury..I don't remember much... So...." he threw right back at her..."How's Michael doing these days..hmmm?"

Kathryn's fork clattered to her plate, "Now that's ..that's hitting below the belt here...." she chuckled quietly,.. "so.. everyone wants to know about the hologram..hmm?"

Chakotay held up innocent hands.."I only know about myself and about half a dozen other me's in the same pair of boots.." he said taking a bite of chard salad. "We WERE on that subject my "best'est" friend.. and I wasn't the one who chose the topic, now was I?"

Kathryn snorted. "If you were in my place last year, alone, with no recourse, what would you have done?" she laughed openly and rich. "..to answer your question though, things were.......mechanical." And a sip of chardonnay followed instantly into her mouth.

Chakotay shuddered, "God forbid..energy fields and tactile sensors... eoowWW..." he said in disgust.."What ever happened to the appeal of a human touch these days?" he sniffed, taking a bite of black bean soup.

Janeway fell silent.. and they both just ate a while. Then her voice came so softly he almost didn't hear it, "There hasn't been any I've cared about since.." her face was seriously thoughtful as if she just discovered that truth only seconds ago. "...the day you........ touched my hair.."

::What am I saying? He's my first officer..:: a part of her reasoned. A second part was stronger... ::But he's also your closest friend, no, he has been more than that Kathryn, Janeway, A.,commanding..::

It was out then, in the open..... her heart. Kathryn's own pounded in her chest and she swallowed, caught, like a doe in the headlight.

She took a breath,. then another.. trembling. Her first uncertain step.

The strong warm face she'd knew better than her own, regarded the idea, shaped into thought before (sigh) softening into acceptance. ::At long last..:: she then knew like spring birds on the wind. (Here it comes kiddies, don't rush me.)

"I've been waiting a very long time to hear that, Kathryn." He said. "I still remember how your hair smelled and and ... and how you felt against my skin on that night." He pshawed aloud, "Selfish really.. I felt as if I had almost taken advantage of you.. with my Indian mystique and mysticism.." he said exaggeratedly humorous, drawing two fingers over his head like eagle feathers, groping the other hand out in front of him. He waxed serious. "You were right to leave to go to bed."

A hideously cruel spell was broken and the stress Janeway had felt for so long evaporated with her laughter..

"Oh!.. is that what you really thought? I adored your warrior story.. I'm just sorry Tuvok had to cut in and rescue our butts before I learned how it ended.." she said stuffing a dumpling in her mouth tooo quickly. Chakotay had to pound her back to keep her from choking on it.

But they laughed loud and long, about various bits until the bottle of wine was empty. Their giggling jags were infectious. They only had to look at each other to set off even more paroxisms of gut wrenching mirth...

--------------------------------------------------------

Their emotional exploration of each other dipped into shared memories of experiences both encountered together on their journey to date.

It was a natural flow, there was no sign of holding back of all they had wanted to do or say or thought about each other but had never let on about beforehand. This hour it was about the matrix entity vulture crisis.

Kathryn stretched on the couch, in her long ivory relaxer, biting her lip with embarrassement.

He was next to her in a rust pullover and light trousers, sitting on the floor with a pillow in front of his knees, enacting out his past.. "You were in trouble for sometime.. the cordrazine hadn't worked, the fumes made me drag you out of there before I MYSELF got into trouble. In the grotto, I didn't think I was doing ANYTHING right to get you back to me. There was mud in my eye, my hands kept slipping out of position.." he gestured to the pillow,.. "and there you were.. right where I've always wanted you.. lip to luscious lip.. and you just had to spoil it all.... Just by the fact of your being ...." he pinched a tiny increment in the air, "slightly.... dead.."

She guffawed and wailed a second pillow at him in afront with no sting, but he didn't let up, enjoying her reactions..

"Took all the excitement out of the moment.." he said dead pan. "You even made me do all the work of breathing for you, too, on top of things. Now that's ..that's ....irony.. Talk about a backward fantasy..."

Kathryn laughed so hard she slid off the couch..feeling comfortable tipsy..and kicked the two pillows away. She brushed her short ginger hair out of her happy eyes.

When she recovered, she realized just where she was. "So tell me Chakotay..." she said leaning a chin on his shoulder while he sat below her with hands over his two knees.. "Did you bring real wine on purpose? I think I'm drunk.." her eyes sparkled in the candle flames.

He quirked a face, "Me. Big chief know fire water. Fire water give me squaw in no time.." he snigged, "You're not the only one who's had too much." he smirked, leaning backwards into a bone creaking stretch. His ribcage rolled under his shirt as he yawned contently, so she reached over and felt him breathe in, just in an excuse to touch him again. "I don't drink, remember?"

Kathryn thought his prominent dimples were adorable, so she traced them with her finger, not able to keep herself still. "That makes two of us.. You already KNOW what I like.."

"Shall I get some?" he asked, starting to rise.

"No.." she said, "I was just making conversation." She rested her head on top of his bushy one and they fell into companionable silence, feeling each other's closeness to the deepest possible extent while thoroughly buzzed. The candles burned much lower before she spoke again.

She sighed, lacing their fingers together across his chest. "This is nice.. the mood, the company.. but past memories for us stink, Chakotay. I know where we left off six years ago.." she whispered, her fake smile aging her in moments.

He fell silent and still, but the old warmth she remembered from back then, miraculously refilled his face.. He had instantly understood her cut off memory pang.. "I'll do it for you..Kathryn." He reached over to the low table.

The sterling silver hairbrush was still there where he had looked for it every week at their official weekly dinners. It was the same one Chakotay longed to pass over Kathryn's roasted nut hair ever since New Earth.

The past year had let Kathryn grow her tresses a little longer. They were still only almost to her shoulders, but it was long enough for him.

He whispered to her ear, "Let me braid? I've always wanted to do this." he said running slender fingers through her hair with a slow tenderness.

"ok.." she said after a full laden minute. But she tempered and kissed the tip of his tan nose
; waving a hand magnaminously in the air, "Who am I to argue with my first officer?" she sighed.

A sudden kiss grew into much, much more when he leaned over her tipping her head back to
suddenly taste her mouth.

When they broke away, Kathryn's skin was tingling. The brush through her hair felt like angel's breath. ::Front to back.:: she thought. "Back and forth.." she mused about them.

She felt like a child in her father's arms once more. Safe, and cherished. She sighed in sad release.. "Why did I hold you away for so long, Chakotay? I'm so ...stupid..sometimes."

Chakotay was listening fully, but he had his eyes closed, and he gently braided pleats into place solely by feel, his face inches from the braiding, drinking in her scent. ::It's still spicy:: he rejoiced inside.

But aloud he said to her. "I guess I just wasn't cute enough..but admit it, I almost won you over with my story telling.." he quipped and smothered her rejoiner in another kiss. He pulled her in front of him so she was sitting in between his legs with her back to him.. "Hand me a rose bud, would you?" he asked, pointing out to the bouquet in the vase on the glass table. "I'm almost finished.."

Kathryn reached without opening her eyes and found one, blind. She knew flowers better than anyone. "You could get anyone to do anything with this golden touch of yours. My skin's electric.. look, the hair's standing up.." she chuckled.

He chuckled, too. They stood, and the scent of roses covered them. Chakotay admired his handy work, and passed off the matching silver mirror to Kathryn so she could see.

He had tied off the braid with a special cord that she had not seen him take off from around his neck. It was of fine obsidian beadwork, interlaced with bright turquoise.. At her questioning frown he shrugged,"Chalk it off as another Chakotay Native American idiosyncracy. It's a soul speaker.. very much like one of your Earth friendship bracelets. And I needed the flower to honor the making of it.."

"And us?" she sighed, turning to him so that they were palm to palm, not...quite.. touching. She could feel the heat of his body like a second layer of clothes about her.

"And us.." he said, taking her hands into his.."But are you sure that this is what you want to do?" he asked. "After we ...change.., we can't rely on rank to shield either one of us from ourselves, or the rest of the crew.. Then there's the all mighty command arc decorum to think about."

Kathryn drank in his eyes, lightly tracing his tattoo and unnecessarily arranging his ebony hair into place, feeling ::friends:: fade into fiction, and newborn ::lovers:: emerge.

"I've told myself those same damned locked down reasons for years.. and for what?"

"Seeing B'Elanna's baby being born and then suddenly realizing that I can no longer have any of my own, quite frankly,.. scared me.. to the bone. As to why you are here with me, like this? I suppose I finally saw that I have no one at all, Chakotay.

This is what pushed me over the "edge" FOR us.. Picture me thirty years from now , in a silver bun of steel, snapping orders.." She adopted the voice of an old hag, pantomiming having only dentures.. "Only two more.. light years to go,..then we're home folks. Yep. Just in time to retire to Antares Prime. Oh, and keep in mind,..I'm still very proud of you all..."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. But he didn't dare laugh. Too much truth had flowed from her. He rested his square chin on her head while they snugged into a more comfortable loving. He held protective hands over her hair. "So? I'll make you dye that bun. This, I swear on my three sparkling pips, and every morning, you can rub conditioner on my face to keep my tattoo from sagging.."

Janeway laughed again.. softer, she grew recisive and tipped her face in reluctance when he reached for her hand. Sharp, sudden tears spilled down her face that she didn't wipe away. He stopped stunned by her wrenching change. "You're too good for me.. I don't deserve you, Chakotay.." she cried. "To tell you the truth..." and her face crinkled in pain, unable to talk.

"I know,... I know.." he soothed. "I think I've always known." Chakotay enveloped her into his warm grip, wrapping his heated arms around her, dwarfing her smaller fair body with his stronger mahogany one. She slipped composure yet again. "Hey.. None of that." he said lifting her chin. "You've spent far too much of yourself for your crew. For ....B'Elanna, Tom and ...Seven to name a few. Even for little Naomi Wildman. Denying yourself comfort for their sakes to the extent of harming your own health. Now, this moment is all about you. And only you.. Let's celebrate Kathryn for once.. "

"Just Kathryn, the lonely woman in command."

He felt her tears flow hot and she shook anew, even in his touch. "Shh.. Yes, it's true. You are alone. I can do something about that. Let me. Maybe being just being friends isn't enough anymore. I'm willing to take the risk of possibly growing apart if this doesn't work out but we've a long time to spend together on this ship. And I don't know who else I'd rather be with than you, Kathryn Janeway.."

-------------------------------------------------------

(The big show..*wink* If you are minor bait, SCRAM!)

Later, she wasn't sure if it was the wine from the bottle or the one from her shivering heart, but a true giddiness overcame Kathryn as they met for the first time in intimacy.

He slipped off her silken top to the waist and freed her halter from her breasts. They fell into the candle light. He drank in her shape without touching her, and she did the same to him after she undressed him to a similar stage.

Kathyrn stood still, and angled her jaw a bit in unconscious reflex at first, not fully knowing the reason why. But one thing was certain. She was not at all self conscious about his being there. He was there by her choice.

::The candlelight loves him.:: she thought. ::He's so smooth...::

And he admired the ripples of muscle in the flame glow of her upper arms, where away missions she had not attended by his order had held no consequential flaccidness. She was iron. And then, he saw the delicate lace of freckles that coursed down the side of one breast to her navel. ::Like a painting she is.::

Unspoken, they linked fingers in front of each other like they had before so long ago over the sanding table in the tiny hut. Then he drew her to himself and Chakotay felt her softness in the two warm mounds against his chest. He kissed her forehead with a feather touch, "..oh.." she trickled. Briefly he closed his eyelids to feel her against skin and embed her scent in his mind's eye.

Then he opened them.

Kathryn drifted, ::I am lost.:: Her blue eyes sank in his black velvet ones like water into fire. She wavered in his grip, and he caught her when he felt her knees give way. He held her in concern..feeling a pulse point in her arm. "I'm ok," she sighed. "It's just so good to be back in someone's arms again. You have no idea.."

"I have a very good idea, you're not the only one who's been reclusive." He drew them down to the carpet that crunched beneath their feet and then onto their knees. "Lie back facing up, I want to show you what I wanted to do back then, when we were stranded." he smiled softly.

Kathryn lay down on her stomach and he gently drew her ivory wrap off of her skin completely, setting it on the back of the couch. Then he too, unabashedly undressed , all of him, bare.

"Massages are the stuff of angels, my mother used to say. Always, they can heal the worst hurts of the heart. I sincerely believe that still. So let's share ourselves that way before we know each other. This will be the start along the road that heals you Kathryn." he said.

She saw his desire evident in his body for her but was touched at his restraint to see to her needs before his own. He, as yet, wouldn't let her touch him even she tenderly tried. So she let him love her in his own way.

So her first officer roved and she simply felt ...everything. He massaged her scalp, her neck and her temples. Then reaching over, Chakotay carassed a cool rose down Kathryn's back in a slow trail, skipping all the modest parts of her.

She laughed,.."Chicken..?" she challenged.

"Shhh.." he hushed.

His gentle caressing began to work a magic inside of her. Tingling spread from her skin under his touch to spread to her buttocks and then tickle-ached into her groin. Loose muscles she wasn't aware of clenching melted.. "ohhh.." she sighed.."Where did you learn how to do THAT?"

"My people are not shy about loving even when sex isn't involved. Pleasure giving's typical around fourteen. I learned at any early age that touch is a balm when used unselfishly.... Like this.." he indicated the two of them, "It is only when love is involved that sexual desires later surface among lovers. Before that it is all simply sensual experiences shared in a familial bond."

He stroked her shouldersand traced freckles around her shoulder blades and finally to her rounded buttocks, and down each leg, pausing at the sensitive patch behind both knees.. He kissed her toes, drawing them one by one into his mouth rolling them around inside with his tongue in hot circles. He attended each in turn but stopped when Kathryn laughed suddenly, "I'm sorry, I hate that... reminds me when the dog used to catch me dripping out of the shower at home."

He giggled, setting her feet down, "ooo, not sure if I like that image.." But he didn't stop his motion.

He stroked her and drew lines up her body in long tickling waves until she was completely limp. Her skin was only lightly flushed in relaxation.. Her breathing was still slow and even.. She even drifted off a bit, feeling the tingle of his caresses envelop her senses.

He suddenly ceased.

"Don't stop.." she urged, flipping over.

"You just figured out why." he said, "You're becoming too used to me on that side. I saw sleep calling. Hope I'm not boring you." he said by intentionally baiting her.

She snatched for him then and he shifted his leg so she missed. "I'm certainly not bored Chakotay, know that.. Just how can you be there, cool as cream, with your body so set for me. And yet you won't let me do a thing FOR you?"

"It's my way. I get equal pleasure giving as taking. So indulge me. No doubt you'll turn the tables soon enough."

"In about two seconds if you weren't twice my body mass." She canted her tone to blunt her quip. He sighed as he once again had to direct her arms to the floor to protect himself. "Please." he stated mildly, sitting back.

Kathryn, smiled at his boyish statement. "God I hate perfect manners."

"Never knew THAT.. Might come in handy next time we argue over a command decision on the bridge."

"You wouldn't! she gasped, tapping him in a light slap on the chest.

"Try me..."

"You won't LET me.." she fired right back, raising both eyebrows, matching them with an amused smirk.

Chakotay shook his head and bent to kiss her breast. "You're impossible."

"Only when I know I'm right.." she added, teasing his hair as he drew a nipple into his mouth.

"MMmmph.." he grunted sarcastically.

"Don't try to get in the last word.. You'll lose everytimmmEEEEEE!!" she squealed when his hand goosed her. "No fair.."

He looked up from his gentle suckling. "You wanted to do that to me.."

"Hmmm..." she considered. "Point taken...."

And then there was no more need for words. Chakotay took things to a new level.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The candles had followed them. Steam wafted up to the ceiling and a deep jacuzzi held the new lovers in golden foam.

Kathryn cricked an arm as she and Chakotay settled down onto the submersed seat to a pretzel of human-ness, each around the other. She asked, "Just who let you in here to make changes to my private bathroom?"

"Barclay.."

"What?!" she said angling around so she could reach her wine glass and his. He pretended oogle eyes when the foam slicked off her top end when she moved. "Oh, stop.." she teased.

"He's the computer program we used to get out of that scrape last year. I discovered a new variant in his programming. Holo designing by portable site to site transporter pad. Tom let me in on his little engineering secret.."

"You and he were planning US?" Kathryn warned, only half honey..

"Not at all. I just put two and two together on my own. Mind you. I might do the reverse hinting for him once the new baby bedroom blues begins.."

"You're incorrigible..!" Kathryn said. "But, I think, I'm gonna love you anyway...It's that goddamned sexy smile of yours.." her smile faded and a hint of her earlier doubts returned with her slight hangover.. "It ....goes right through me...." she trailed off..her face drawing in a seriousness that he knew plagued any of her lovemaking still.

He let her curl into his lap on her side, buoyed by the water and stroked her shoulders and sides tenderly in a chaste caress. ::She's remembering Mark.:: He realized. Gently, he kissed the top of her head. "I know no one can replace the love you had in your fiance, Kathryn. And I won't even try. He was a part of your life that helped make YOU who you are."

Kathryn set their glasses on the tub's rim and met his eyes in a seriousness that sliced right through him. "Just who am I? " she said uncertainly. "My sister Phoebe and I had just this same question the week before I shipped off to assume command of Voyager. We were at a picnic in a field of dandelions even though she hated them. They set off her allergies..." "She snatched one up that had already gone to seed and she said, 'Kathryn.. If you go on that mission into the Badlands without knowing all the facts,..Thing's'll turn on you.' And I told her how foolishly young that sounded.. right to her face. She then blew the flower's fluff into the wind and showed me the naked stem. 'That is you when you skip steps, sis.' Pheobe said. 'Your control goes out the window and your dreams become just like those flying seeds we can no longer see against the sky..'

Kathryn choked off as she recalled that day, and the heat of their bath did nothing to warm her. " I... Those were the last words I heard from her.. because she stormed off angry that I wouldn't listen to reason to reconsider my hasty decision to go."

Kathryn rested her head against Chakotay's shoulder and shivered a little. He poured hot water over her to stop her chill. ::It's not a physical one.:: he knew. She spoke again, like hollow ice, "I feel I am like that ...DYING ...weed of hers. The only one in the whole lawn and I am set apart by the grass just for being me."

Chakotay knew the time for silence. They said nothing for a while, and just listened to the bubbles soaking them both while the water mingled their scents into one. Kathryn was almost asleep and he twice had to keep her head from slipping underneath the water. "Kathryn.." he called out. "Look at this..."

He took the crumpled rose from her hair and tried to straighten out its creases, so she helped him fix it with her one free hand.

Then he held up the sorry rose over the fire of one of the candles. "This.. in summer.. is a dandelion. When it's dark she folds upon herself as a survival instinct for warmth .. for she only has herself to rely upon, being what she perceives herself to be; .......The only weed there is. Ugly compared to the grass around her." He touched its petals to the flames and it blazed.. Gold and platinum and silver white as it was utterly consumed, then a puff of smoke, and it was gone. He caught her hand as she tried to reach out to where the flower used to be and whispered. "But when sunlight touches her face, she is the most beautiful treasure in existence.. even if for a single moment..to the eye that beholds her."

Kathryn's smile lifted him like no other had before at that exquisite moment. "Are you saying that you are my sunlight?"

"If you'll have me." he said playing with the sweetness of her hair. "You know? You are the ugliest dandelion I've ever seen." he said breathlessly. His voice was gold in her ear. He wiped a crystalline tear from her cheek. "So grow, Kathryn. Stop your doubting,.and this thinking that you are just a weed. Come be a part of me, for this sunlight I'm speaking of...know it's just my love....for you. You sparkle like a diamond to me."

The last barrier fell in Kathryns' heart at that simple declaration. She knew truly loved this man, who seven short years ago was a dossier sitting o her desk. He was much much more, by far...right now, than in any other moment she had ever known him. "Oh, Chakotay.."

His desire enflamed hers.

She swept up some of the bubbling water and washed away all her tears, drenching them both. And then they came together at last.

Kathryn's world dwindled to a complete awareness of his hands on her body. She drew one to her breasts and felt him respond to the other with his mouth. "...ahh.." she sighed softly as he suckled. A jolt shot through her pubic region and she pressed against his thigh with her groin, subtly thrusting. The heat between them grew. "I'..I'm sorry... I.." Chakotay met her mouth and their tongues tasted both their wine and sweat, seeming not to get enough air to sustain them. She broke away saying.."Chakotay,. I need--" He responded, easing her onto her back into his lap. Kathryn could feel the firmness of him beneath her, throbbing with his pulsebeat. But he
didn't want to be inside of her just yet. Kahtyrn felt cool air above and hot fluid mix below where they slid against one another. She felt him hold back from her.

Kathryn gasped with frustration at being thwarted in their nether embrace.

Chakotay quiesced. His fingers traced the inside of her thigh in a motion rising upwards towards her tender center.. where her own hand lingered. They intertwined hands, one over the other and Kathryn directed the motion over her soft parts where her fleshy center lay. "There.. oh.. Right there.." She was close.. Their hands worked up and down, and Kathryn's hips moved against them with the pulling and releasing. She moaned again, impatiently.

Chakotay slipped a finger a little deeper and lifted.. inside of her, just as he bit her nipple. She jerked beneath him crying out in a short jolt of pleasure-pain.

She felt his throbbing member against her thigh in an exquisite brush of heat. "What about you?" she asked huskily.

"I can wait.." he answered. "How?"..

She showed him how she wanted him then. Her fingers flicked lightly her core and he echoed it with the palm of his hand and finger nails. Roughly.

Sharp daggers rocked her and she gasped in pants, pressing her hips against his hand. She gave her tongue to his and hungrily, they smothered kisses over each other's eyes, cheeks and faces while their hands rubbed for Kathryn's pleasure. She rose up, riding up and down, in the steaming water on his hand then, clenching and unclenching inner muscles deep inside, around his questing fingers, nesting him completely within her.

Chakotay moaned as her sweaty scent excited him even further. Kathryn face was pinched in concentration as she focused on her motions upon him. He felt a stab of tenderness for her so long abstinence, that he held her closer, chest to chest, so he could feel their thudding hearts beat in concert. Then he felt a gush of warmth flood out of her and her head arched backward with a silent cry...

::Oh God.:: she thought. It had been forever since another had given her sexual release and the climax that shook her drove wave after wave of shuddering, shooting joypain right through her. The bright explosion that followed filled her being with white heat and her thighs trembled as she came. "Oh.. Like that. Oh..hh." And the crest washed over.. He took away his hand on her as she rested, gently stroking her face.. "Never better, eh?" he asked her.

"Oh, you can say that again. Flying solo doesn't hold a candle.." she gasped.

He took one then and studied her eyes in its flame.."You're beautiful, Kathryn. Never forget that." he chuckled.. She smiled back, offering up a kiss to him.

Nothing but their breathless gasps followed as they clung to each other..first quieting, resting again. Then she moved to fulfill his need.

Chakotay felt Kathryn's hands softly take him; stroking his length gingerly between them, kneading. She was very much easygoing, as he was tight with need of her. She let the water caress him as she gently rolled his tender end with two fingers. "Ah.." he gasped, and he clamped his hand over himself to guide her exploration.

She drew a tongue down his chest, tasting his musky sweat and he felt her groin move against his leg somehow wetter than the water. She slid her hand up and down him, pinching and teasing. "That could be very-- " he said, a little ticklish when the touch grew feather light.. His buttocks tightened and then she gripped them possessively.."Uh" he grunted only once.

"Now that's a switch, a hundred and twenty eight pound woman holding a man twice her size at bay.. I'd say I'm doing things right then..." she giggled... drawing him into another cascade of hungry kisses to which he ardently responded. Her ministrations of him continued for long fogging moments, then, "Get up on the rim...Chakotay.." she said without releasing him.

She urged him up to his feet and set him down, seated again, rump out of the water. She stayed within, steam wafting around her head surrounded by his knees. "Kathryn..I".. He couldn't see her.

"Shhhh.. It's all right.." He moaned as a hot 'O' encircled him. He looked down, and saw.. She had taken him into her mouth. A sucking pull swept rhythmically. She tasted him deeply with a swirling tongue on the sensitive bottom. And his hips bucked and unknowingly, he thrust into her mouth to increase his sensation. He pressed her head against him with his hands, "I- I'm.."

Her lips opened further to cup his scrotum into her loving range and she grazed his sac lightly with her bottom teeth. He cried out and he gripped her hair in his hands. The slow ring of moist heat returned, up and down, and he felt her lips crinkle in his public hair when she took him in even deeper. Her breath on him grew hotter as his own heat came upon him, faster and faster. He began to buck harder and he tilted his head back when the pressure was almost out of his control. "St--stop... wait.."

She did and the surge receded just a bit, extending the half pleasure burn he felt in his scrotum. Her warm breath on him gave him shivers and he felt himself convulse just a little there. It felt so good.

Kathryn held him still in her lips and she watched his face from where she was in the water. ::Chakotay is truly stunning.:: His thoughts ran mercury liquid fast at the same time. ::Having a woman to bed at all is heaven but to have Kathryn loving with him for this is heaven beyond compare.::

The mere thought of her shape and scent and feel almost finished him.

She caught an awareness of his closeness and she let him go, ending the stimulation so he could gain control. He was completely male in Kathryn's senses and his musk sent a new wave of desire through her. She took him once more to task.

She pressed a hand to herself, feeling the cool moist stickiness give way to heat as she caressed her own essence hub between two fingers. Chakotay saw that she was needy again as he began to move himself while tightly bound by her mouth. He lightly brushed feather touches over her buttocks with splayed fingers, that tickled her innermost folds.

The renewed massage made Kathryn start to groan.. but she did not stop on him. She met every thrust of his orally, until then she felt him tremble in her mouth at the height of one of them. A few seconds more then.. she shifted, foregoing her own release, for his. She gave him a sharp slap on the rear. And he spurted copiously with a cry.

Just before he gave, she slid him free from her mouth and he spilled his essence into the water instead, collapsing back into the tub as he came. He held a hand over himself until the shuddering ceased and she hugged him from behind in an embrace that was stronger than he could ever hope for.. "Oh, woman..what you DO for me.." Then he rested, one hand protectively draped over her as she bathed him clean.

They both relaxed in the bubbles of the jacuzzi, their spent bodies intertwined once more. Time passed without notice.

"Been a long time for you, too." she said after a while.

"That was unexpected at the end." he said mildly accusingly of his chosen love. He tickled her skin with his nails until she slapped him away from her floating breast.

She shrugged, letting him brush sodden hair out of her eyes. "Sorry about that. I had this overwhelming image of a jockey getting a last leg out of his racehorse.."

"I'm no racehorse.." he frowned ruefully.

"And I'm no jock." she joked.

They both laughed together, in harmony for the first time.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A long nap refreshed them both in her silver satin sheets. They still had many hours left to them before reality intruded once more into their new found idyll.

She leaned, half asleep from their last love making just listening to the muffled beat of his heart. He kept her warm with his body nested right along hers belly to belly. His cheek rested on her stomach and her braid had long since fallen out, but the necklace was safely enscounced around her throat. Her legs rose and fell with every breath of his, wrapped around him in a bearhug. He could still feel her soft, moist self under his chest. She sighed contentedly.

"So. You decided to cast your lot with me?" he said, rubbing a hand down her arm affectionately.

She started ticking off points on her fingers. "Let's see. Tom's taken. Tuvok's only once every seven and Harry's too young.. Sure. I'll nibble. I need someone my own age." She said rubbing a sleeper out of her eye.

"Hhhmmm. So, there wasn't much competition, eh? I don't know whether to feel really really good about that or really really badDDDDDDngh*." She squeezed him with her muscular legs until he had to work to breathe.

"That was for the goose!" she slugged him one.

"I thought I was the dandelion. You know, the delicate hoard in the daytime.." She decided to let him have some air, which he graciously accepted, both eyebrows raised as he recovered from suffocation by squeeze. "That's beautiful treasure in the sunlight..." he pointed out.

"Whatever.." she glossed it all over. "The point being is that I don't just give myself away to just anybody.." She blinked a few times at him before she added, "Wait a minute.. you didn't hear me say that. I don't want to set myself up for another walked-right-into-it-kathryn Chakotay comment again."

"Whatever you say.. this is your day..." he smiled, settling back onto his hands over his head. She thunked a pillow onto his face and pretended to do murder.

"Hey.." he laughed. "I didn't do anything.." he said freeing himself from pillow and thighs, he insisted belying the very words in his mouth.

Kathryn returned his amused chuckled. "You didn't have to. All you had to do was think about doing it."

"Think about doing what?" he said innocently.

She smiled quiet tolerance for a whole four seconds. Chakotay was impressed.

"Show me something about yourself that I don't already know.." she said brightly, drawing the sheet up to her neck so he would concentrate on conversation.

"I thought after the past two hours that you would know me ....fairly well..by now.." Chakotay said lacing his fingers together in the air above them.

"oh.... you..." she sputtered with a smile. "That's not what I mean. You know what I mean."

He drew her close and kissed her. "Of course I know."

He got up and padded over to the nightstand. Kathryn sighed in appreciation and wolf whistled at Chakotay's in-the-buff.

He shot a look over at his former just-captain and waggled his butt but he didn't forget to retrieve what it was he got up for. A combadge. He tapped it.

Kathryn started in alarm, "Chakotay.. You know they can tr-" she broke off as the channel chittered open.

He spoke, =^=Computer. Tandem beam contents of 70:85:03 to two meters in front of me. Authorization Chakotay Beta Nine Five.=^=

"You can't do that kind of fine tune beaming unless you have capt-" she blurted. =^=Does the captain concur? Please specify authorization.=^=

Kathryn froze, knowing that this order would be recorded to Tuvok's board in a minute or so. Any betraying sound would tip him off as to recent events. She did some fast acting.

"I so concur, Janeway, Kathryn, Pi Alpha Three. Mark."

"Mark,.. huh. I thought you didn't like him anymore cause he's so far away.."

"SHHHHHH!!!!!" she hissed, she stifled a giggle.

The Computer bleeped and the com went dead.

Soon after, shimmering sparklets materialized on the bedspread in front of them.

A slender wooden flute rested there.

Chakotay held up a hand, "See? Worked. He never knew what hit him." And he scooped it up.

Kathryn was thoughtful.. "Maybe it didn't. Tuvok could've figured us out easily and just decided to go double Vulcan on us. We'd never know.. God forbid that lusty humans should shock him anymore."

"Hadn't thought of that angle..." he admitted. "What do you think he might do?"

Kathryn threw up her hands and Chakotay craftily inched the sheet to her belly button. "I don't know,.. stare at the back of our heads when we're not looking on the bridge.."

She pulled the covers back up.

Chakotay leaned on an elbow, "I wouldn't worry about it too much. I only did that beaming to crack his shell."

He brought the delicate flute to his lips.

She sat up in bed on top of the sheet, crosslegged, folding her hands together in expectancy... Her previous modesty was so much space dust. "Ooo, what are you going to play?"

"Another bit of Native American mystical mumbojumbo." he started to say but broke up into laughter at the end at an image of her he didn't share. It earned him another slug.

"Allright.." he answered. "I wrote a melody for you on New Earth and I'd thought that someday you'd like to hear it.."

Kathryn was quiet and still.

"Only now?" she said, a tiniest wisp of the old sad found her voice.

He washed it away with a flight of music that took her heart away.. It was both breathy and earthy and it was all Chakotay. She heard his people singing out to her from the music and then ...and then.....she heard sunlight..straight from his heart.

She was captivated. He had indeed surprised her again. His sand art and carving and story telling were nothing compared to the power of this.

He was.. spellbinding.. and he was utterly in love with her .. HER of all the weeds in the lawn. Inwardly, she choked a glad joy.

When the song was over, Kathryn drew the flute down and she drew her face slowly in, closer and closer, to his lips.

She hung there, not touching, feeling the barest distance keeping them apart burn them until she broke the spell over all and they dropped into another loving. It was like the first time all over again. She was already moist under his hand when he found her. He slowly stroked her in a slow river like he knew she wanted as she explored him with her eyes.

He was darker than most and his scent was uniquely spicy. One that she liked. She saw his outline in amber against the candles glow and drew a hand down his ribs, side, thigh before it came to rest on his source of pleasure. She kissed the tip.

Then Kathryn laid back against the bed, sighing, her hips already twisting a little under his hand's ministrations. He plied both skillfully, to spread her soft parts open to him and he lapped her fleshy center, once with his tongue.

"OH!" she exclaimed, pulling away. He held her buttocks tightly under his palms as he bent to work.

Chakotay made love to her with his lips, tongue and teeth, twisting and teasing her moist hub rapidly when she thrust herself back to him and more slowly with suction when she resisted. "Oh, yes..!" she cried out.

He felt a surge of slight wetness and felt himself grow harder at the scent of her readiness. He pushed his own hips into the bed without thinking. Kathryn shifted, not letting herself leave his lips as she, too, addressed his need, and encircled him into her mouth..

They lay with her on her back, him on his stomach with his body slightly lower down on her chest so she could play with him in her mouth easily..

His heavier weight was no burden to her. It was a delicious feeling having her breasts pinned beneath him as she felt them both sliding and slipping together. They gauged each other's timing to their closeness to resolution.(yes. pun intended. J/C forever!). He bit, holding her raw center and pulsed his jaw, slightly.. She nearly shot off the bed, and she froze in a haze of sharp pleasure, giving tiny cries as he drove her closer with nibbles to the near top.. Another course of wet rewarded him and he eased off slowly, spreading away her essences along her thighs for what was to come.

Kathryn wasn't through. She had to set him as well even as she fought her own body. She could feel his soft tongue stab down, filling her with a delicious coil of heat, and she moaned anew. He stayed with her no matter how she sought to escape him. He began returning to the center only when she relaxed to caress his black hair or began to watch him love her.

He was enjoying her eyes. They were half lidded in distance and their centers were luminous in the candlelight. He reached up shifting her and himself onto their sides so they could change sensations.

Then she started again on him and he had to close his eyes. She nibbled on his tip as he had for her, taking him in thrusting, up and down, a hot ring of pressure. It was too much to endure for long. His chest heaved as he fought for breath under the strong loving. "nnnn" He lost himself to the beginning throes, letting go of her breasts.

Kathryn lifted herself away from his lips and thrust herself lovingly against him as she got off. Without opening her eyes and said, "Now." Instinctively, he lowered onto his back and they locked eyes. He spread a little of their loving wetness on her thighs and himself and she kneeled over him.."I need you.. like this , Chakotay.."..

He nodded and carefully, Kathryn fitted herself over his length, sinking down onto him, moving slowly, her mouth in a pleasured OH as she felt him fill her. He caressed her buttocks and she leaned down to give him a breast. He suckled her as he started to thrust into her softness, his cries muffled by her flesh.

He kept a hand free for her to push against so that she was expertly rubbed while against his pubic bone. She leaned elbows on his chest as she rode up and down, concentrating on the heat building between them. She smothered him in kisses and he let a breath go into her mouth by accident when she clamped down on him with inner muscles. He froze, stock still, lost in a paroxysm of half haze/half release as he helped her use both their hands to bring her to the same height of readiness.

Then, in seconds he drove deep into her and she into him and in a deep flurry, they came as one.

He held onto her breasts, pinching them, as she flung back her head in orgasm just as he had his. His hot spurts filling her core only heightened her thundering ecstasy and they hung for one long delicious moment to each other before the crest peaked and was gone.

Their thrusts slowed and she fell next to him, their bodies still joined and they kissed, calling each other's name tenderly, as sleep took them right then into a balm of warm comforting darkness.

-----------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Kathryn was in uniform. And he into his, both ready to face Tuvok's suspicions.

He had helped her undo the braid he had fun putting there while they bathed earlier. And he brushed its locks back into the bridge style she usually wore.

"You know what , Chakotay?" she said, when he was finished. She placed his toast and tea in front of him at the coffee table.

All of the candles had long burned out around them. But none of the warmth of the two affirmed lovers' fires inside had diminished in the slightless.

"What's that, Kathryn..?" he said making sure her combadge was in its proper place.

"I don't feel so much like a weed anymore." she admitted.

A heavenly smile made both of his dimples wink at her, sending a thrill down her spine and his oh-so white teeth flashed at her. "Glad to hear it."

She sat down by her plate and she looked up at him in contentment, feeling young and vital for the first time in forever. She tilted her head at something he wanted to share further before they ate their first breakfast together. "Hmm?"

"I have to say.." he whispered quietly, "I really like being your sunshine.." He raised his mug of tea to her coffee in an inpromptu toast.

"Here's to dandelions, Kathryn.." he winked.


FIN