Title: Decisions

Author: Belynda

E-mail belindat@ihug.co.nz

Rating: NC-17

Parings: Paris/Kim

Status: New, Complete

Parts: 1

Date: June 27, 1998

Series: Love Life

Story Sequence: Love Life, Decisions, Dinner at Harry's, No Regrets, Time Off, Remember

Website: http://members.tripod.com/~belyndat/index.html

Summary: Harry has come to a decision about his love life.

Disclaimer: All characters, places and terminology that you recognize belong to Paramount. Anything else is totally mine.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! The following story is about a male/male relationship concerning Harry Kim and Tom Paris or does it? If you have a problem with m/m relationships or you are under 18, please leave now. You have be warned.

Harry arched his back up above the bed as Tom's hot mouth came down over Harry aching cock. As he had a large cock, both thick and long, Tom could only take in about a third. But what he couldn't take in, he lovingly stroked with his hand. And his tongue! It traced pattens up and down the length of him that he could take in. He withdrew his mouth and slowly drew the tip of his tongue over the large mushroom shaped head of Harry's cock.

Harry stilled at the delicate touch of his lovers tongue. He concentrated on the feeling of Tom's soft yet rough tongue tenderly touching his head. Then when he thought he was going to die from frustration, Tom took the head into his mouth and sucked hard. At the same time, his finger brushed against the puckered hole between his clenched cheeks. Harry whimpered then exploded into orgasm, shouting Tom's name out.

With Tom's name on his lips, he woke up to an empty room. Wearily he sank back down on to the bed, grimacing at the wetness on his thigh. He had the dream again. The same dream he had dreamt ever since Tom had told him that he wanted him. It had been four days since Tom had seen the pictures of Harry's first lover, Simon. Four days since Tom had declared his attraction of Harry. And four days since Tom had given Harry one hell of a passionate kiss.

Although Tom had given him time to think, he was still no closer to making a decision. One minute he was going to tell Tom yes, that he wanted to become lovers, and the next he wanted to say no, that he would rather stay friends. But he knew that Tom would want his answer soon.

Sighing he got up and went and got ready for his day. He was meeting B'Elanna in thirty minutes to have breakfast together. Hopefully Tom wouldn't be there.

What he needed was a distraction, someone to take his mind off Tom. Someone who had been in his thoughts almost as much as Tom had been over the last few days. Someone who he had been attracted to right from the start but had decided was to far out of his reach. He would have to think of someone else to distract him from his thoughts of Tom. Then again maybe he should take his lead from Tom and tell the person who he was attracted to about his feelings.

Sighing he got ready to go to the mess hall. He would have to think about Tom and the situation another time.

********************

"So B'Elanna, what did you do last night?" Harry asked while looking down at the purple food that was breakfast.

"Well Tom and I went to the holo deck where we did the usual stuff. But it didn't get interesting until we went back to my quarters."

Harry stilled with the fork half way to his mouth. "How so?"

She smiled. "Well, we talked for about an hour or so and by then we were a little drunk, so we got to talking about how we never got together. One thing lead to another and I kissed him."

Harry took in all of B'Elanna. She was excited, and there was a sparkle to her eye that hadn't been there in a long time. "You kissed him?"

"Yeah and I am starting to think that he isn't a pig after all. I mean a man who can kiss like that can't be all bad, now can he? I saw last night that there was more to Tom than I gave him credit for." Smiling like she had a secret, she gazed off into space for a minute not noticing Harry's expression.

Harry was hurt that Tom had kissed him like there was no tomorrow and had acted as if Harry was the only one he wanted, but here was B'Elanna telling him that she and Tom had kissed.

After the dreams he had been having over the last few days, he had decided that maybe the dreams had meant he and Tom were meant to be together. But now, he knew that he and Tom would never be together. Not when he wanted B'Elanna to have some happiness in her life for once. And not when it looked like Tom could be the one to give her that happiness.

B'Elanna didn't notice Harry's expression as she was involved in her thoughts of the night before. "You know Harry, I think that it could work out with Tom. What do you think? Should I give Tom and me a go or would I be wasting my time?"

Taking in all of B'Elanna's excitement at the thought of getting together with Tom, a part of Harry wept on the inside for opportunities lost. "Yeah I think you should give it a go. You deserve to have some happiness in your life and so does Tom. I think that if anyone could make him happy it would be you."

She smiled brightly. "Thanks Harry. I think you are right. I've got to get to engineering but I'll see Tom later today. Don't tell him anything about this morning or my decision will you?"

Harry smiled, hiding his hurt away until he could be alone. "No I wont. And good luck B'Elanna."

"Thanks Harry. Bye." And then she was gone.

Harry looked down at his half eaten breakfast. A wave of pain threatened to totally absorb him, but with a deep intake of breath, he pushed it away and got to his feet. More slowly than usual he exited the mess hall in deep thought.

Only one person took this all in and wondered what could have been said to change a persons emotions from barley contained happiness to soul deep pain. Chakotay realized that there was only one way to find out what had been said between Harry and B'Elanna. He would quietly ask a few leading questions of Harry and if Harry didn't tell him then he would have to ask B'Elanna.

At least B'Elanna had left happy and excited. She had been bouncing in her excitement so much so that she hadn't noticed Harry's expression. But he had, and he couldn't help wondering at what had caused two extremely different emotions in two people who had been sitting at the same table. He vowed that he would get to the bottom of this as he couldn't have the senior members of the crew unhappy, whatever the reason.

********************

Harry avoided Tom's eyes when he arrived on the bridge after breakfast. Tom tried to make eye contact with him but he only ended up in receiving funny looks from the Captain. When Chakotay arrived and watched through out the day the looks Tom sent Harry, which Harry avoided, Chakotay was even more puzzled, as it now seemed that Tom was involved with the situation with B'Elanna and Harry.

At an unguarded moment Harry let his true feelings show which Chakotay saw and didn't understand. Harry looked at the back of Tom's head with a mixture of longing and pain. But also a look of resolve.

Chakotay now knew that he had to find out what was happening. And he wasn't going to tell the Captain until he knew for defiant what was going on. He knew that he wouldn't get the chance to check in with any of them during the day. He would have to wait until all of their shift's were over.

********************

Sighing Harry looked at the door to his quarters when his door chime sounded. He knew that it was Tom, after all he had been avoiding him all day, more so than usual, and while Tom couldn't do anything about it while he was on duty, he could certainly do something about it off duty. Harry knew that Tom's shift had ended only ten minutes ago and he had been waiting for this moment ever since Tom had left his quarters four nights ago. Although he had though this morning his answer would be different from the one he was now going to give to Tom.

Tom entered the room cautiously, very aware that Harry had been avoiding him over the last few days and even more so today. He only hoped that this was a good thing and that Harry's answer was going to be yes. He had hesitated between just entering Harry's quarters and ringing the bell. He decided that the circumstances warranted diplomacy. Harry called out for him to enter and he did so shyly. He had never been so nervous before, and it had been even harder for him since Harry wouldn't even look at him all day.

"So, how was your day?" Tom asked trying anything to break the silence.

Harry smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. "Sit down Tom. We need to talk about us and the other night."

Tom nodded and sat down on the edge of the couch. He swallowed passed the dryness of his throat and hoped for the best.

"Tom, I have thought a lot about what happened the other night. In fact I have probably never thought about anything as much as that night. And I have come to a decision about us. It wasn't easy, what with our past, our friendship and that kiss. I am attracted to you Tom, you are a very handsome man, and you are my best friend. It's because of our friendship that I will not jeopardize it. I've given this a lot of thought Tom, and I will not change my mind. I want us to stay as friends and only friends."

Tom stared at his best friend in shock. "Even after that kiss? The kiss where I thought I was going to go down in a ball of fire. The kiss where you kissed me back with equal passion. The kiss that made us both hard in our pants and almost made us continue it in the bedroom. And your telling me no? If you say no to us and a relationship that could be so beautiful because of the fact that we are great friends, then no I will not accept it!"

"Tom, it isn't only about us! There is B'Elanna who is falling for you more each day, especially after all you have been through together lately. But that isn't the only thing that is stopping me. There is also the fact that I am attracted to some one else."

Tom stood up angrily. "Who is she? Or is it a he? This has nothing to do with B'Elanna does it? You just want to be with this other person. Who is it?"

Harry turned away from Tom. He knew that he couldn't tell Tom who he was attracted to. Not even when he hadn't told the person he was attracted to about his feelings. It wouldn't be fair to any of them. "Tom, that's not the point and you know it. The simply truth Tom, is that I don't want a sexual relationship with you because I believe that it would ruin our friendship. I'm attracted to some else and you are attracted to B'Elanna. There was never any way to avoid those facts. And I don't think that going over and over this will help anyone. I think its best that we forget about this and move on."

Silently he absorbed all that Harry had just said and knew that by looking in Harry's eyes that he meant every word. Sighing he got to his feet for the last time. He knew that once his best friend had made up his mind, that there was no changing it. "Okay. I accept all that you have said and I agree that I am attracted to B'Elanna. But know this Harry. I have been attracted to you since we first meet on DS9, and just because you don't want to be with me, doesn't make me stop wanting you. If you change your mind I will be here, waiting. But I wont keep on bugging you to take our relationship that one step further."

Harry relaxed. "I know that this is hard for you Tom so I think it would be best if we didn't see each other for a few days. But I will say this Tom. If I had known that you liked me in that way from the beginning, we would probably be lovers now."

"Actually Harry I could have done with out hearing that. I have only one question though. This person who you are attracted to. Do they know how you feel about them?"

Harry looked Tom straight in the eye. "Not yet Tom. But soon."

The clenching of Tom's fists at his side, was the only sign of his pain at Harry's comment. He turned and started towards the door then stopped. "If I have learnt anything about this Harry, it's that it pay's not to waste time. Tell this person how you feel. And I hope that it works out for you. Goodnight." And then he was gone, walking out the door without a backward glance.

"Oh Tom. If only you had told me how you felt sooner. But there is B'Elanna who is in love with you, and I wouldn't hurt her for all the credits in the world." Shaking his head, he looked around his quarters and realized that he had to get out and go somewhere quite where he could think and plan. Plan how he was going to make the other person on Voyager aware that he was attracted to them. And for that he couldn't be in his uniform. With that thought he strode into his bedroom and started to taking off his uniform.

********************

Chakotay was just about to leave the cargo bay after not finding Seven there, when she walked in the door. It had become a habit of his to check in on Seven every few days to see how she was fitting in.

"Commander. Were you looking for me?" She asked not really surprised to see him here because he did visit her often.

"Actually yes. How was your day today? I hope that your working with Ensign Kim is going well."

"Very well Commander. I find that being around humans is still a confusing matter for me, but Harry is an adequate work partner. However when I just saw Ensign Kim, I found him distracted and abrupt. I was wondering if I had done something wrong?"

He was surprised. He knew that Harry was a professional when it came to his job and that he took great care not to offend anyone. But maybe his attitude towards life was a little battered at the moment, he thought, thinking about the scene at breakfast he had witnessed between Harry and B'Elanna this morning. And later, the way he was avoiding Tom. Chakotay couldn't help but be concerned about Harry, a valued crew member who he also personally liked.

"Where did you last see Ensign Kim?"

"He was heading towards cargo bay one. I have noticed that he does spend some nights just sitting in there. I didn't think that it was my place to ask what he did in there. Should I have?" Seven asked, still finding human behavior puzzling.

"Thank you Seven. I'll handle it. Goodnight." Nodding at her, he left and headed towards cargo bay one.

He entered cargo bay one five minutes later, to find the room darkened. Looking around he was about to leave when he saw movement by the far wall where containers were stacked. He made his way through the column's of containers.

Harry was sitting on a container five feet up off the floor thinking about the past week and planning for the future, when he heard someone walking towards him. Surprised he looked up, seeing the commander walking towards him. He made a move to hop down when the commander waved him down.

"Don't get down Ensign. This is an informal visit. I was just wondering how things are going?"

Harry stared at him for a moment. "You talked to Seven." It wasn't a question.

"Yes I did. She said that when she spoke to you just before, that you were somewhat abrupt with her. I was actually on my way to see you anyway. Is there anything that is troubling you Ensign? Anything that you want to talk about?" Chakotay asked. While Harry appeared to ponder the question, he took in what the Ensign was wearing.

A pair of blue faded jeans which were skin tight, molded his muscular thighs and cupped the promising large bulge at the apex of his thighs. Flushing Chakotay lifted his eyes higher to Harry's white loose shirt, which was unbuttoned down far enough to give a glimpse of his hard and hairless chest. Flushing even harder now, he looked up until he found himself looking into Harry's eyes. Caught of guard, he looked away, silently telling himself that he wasn't supposed to have these kind of feelings like the ones he was currently experiencing towards the young ensign.

Harry had been about to answer the commander when he noticed that the commander was looking at his body. And in the way that he knew that the commander was attracted to him. When the commander looked into his eyes for a brief second, Harry had seen the desire in them, desire that was aimed at him. He hadn't realized that the commander had felt that way towards him. Then again he hadn't known about Tom and Tom was his best friend.

Inwardly smiling, Harry moved to the edge of the container. His knees were eye level with the commander, so it was a fair bit of a drop. He knew that he could easily climb down the way he got up but he wanted to touch the commander. And he wanted the commander to touch him.

"Commander do you mind?" indicating that he wanted to use the commanders shoulders to hold on to while he dropped off the container.

Chakotay hesitated for a moment then moved closer to the container and Harry.

Harry leaned forward, and putting his hands on the commanders shoulders he came off the container. Letting gravity and the momentum of his body carry him into the commanders body, Harry slid his body down the length of Chakotay's. He immediately felt the harding of the commanders body against his. Keeping his hands on the commanders shoulders until his feet touched the ground Harry looked straight into the eye of his commanding officer. Keeping their eyes locked for a moment, until Chakotay broke the eye contact, looking away.

Taking his cue from him, Harry let his hands fall off the commanders shoulders, but not before trailing them down the commanders chest. Feeling the shiver that shook the commander, he allowed a small smile to grace his face for a second as the commander looked away. Stepping away from the commanders warm body, he remembered what he had been asked.

"I know that my behavior hasn't been normal during the last couple of days, but I have had a lot on my mind. However I don't think that the cargo bag is the right place to talk about them."

Banishing all thought's of Harry's hard sexy body out of his mind, he slipped back into a councillor's role. "You are correct about that. Where would you like to talk?"

Harry appeared to think about it for a minute. "Commander, have you just come off your shift?" At the commanders nod, Harry took a step towards the doors. "In that case you can come and have dinner at my quarters and we can talk."

Chakotay was pleased for some unknown reason for about one second but then he remembered who he was and his position on the ship. "I don't think that would be appropriate Ensign. How about my ready room?"

Shaking his head, Harry took another step towards the door. "That wont do commander. We both need to eat dinner and your ready room isn't equipped to eat a meal properly. My quarters or nothing."

Taking in his options, Chakotay told himself sternly that he was going to be as professional as he could about his situation. He was not going to keep looking at Harry as if he was his last meal before he died, and he was not going to keep on thinking what it would be like to kiss Harry's full pouting lips. "Okay. But a quick meal, which I'll pay for and then we can talk. Deal?"

"No. Wont do. I'll pay for the meal if you pay for the wine."

"Wine?"

"Of course. I was going to have a vegetarian Lasagna. And you can't have a pasta dish without wine. It just isn't done."

Chakotay laughed at Harry's exaggeration. "Okay, okay. I'll pay for the wine. Vegetarian Lasagna you say?"

"Yes. And it's my mothers recipe to . You'll be begging me for the recipe before you've finished your meal." Harry grinned, in a better mood now that he was going to be spending a evening with the one person, besides Tom of course, who he greatly admired and secretly wanted. Turning, he headed towards the door, making sure that he wiggled his bottom a bit more than usual as he walked. He knew that the jeans outlined everything including the fact that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

The commander followed a bit slower behind Harry. Unable to tear his eyes away from Harry's swaying hip, Chakotay took in the fact that Harry was not wearing anything but the jeans. Catching the moan of desire before it left his lips, he bit his lip, to remind himself that he was acting as the ship's councillor tonight and he could not indulge in his secret fantasy, not even if it was staring at him in the face and shouting come and get me. No, he had to remember to keep his hands to himself and to not look at Harry below the neck.

With that thought Chakotay bit harder on his bottom lip and followed Harry out of the cargo bay doors. *He was certainly going to remember this night for a while,* he couldn't help thinking before he entered the lift with Harry. There was no doubt in his mind about that.