Title: ROAD TO CONTENTMENT

Author: Hondo

Rating NC-17

Archive: You may archive and or distribute this story freely, if it takes your fancy, just please leave the disclaimer, titles and my name attached.

Codes: Janeway/Chakotay

Rated: NC-17 eventually :-)

Summary: Chakotay is in need of a push in the right direction. He gets some help from a pair of unlikely match makers.

Disclaimer:Yes, I know they don't belong to me. I just borrowed them, honestly, Paramount can have them back now (for a while ). I always return that which isn't mine, eventually.

by Hondo

The haze began to clear, he could see a body lying on the floor in front of him.

Oh No, not her, please, not her.

He knelt beside the body and gently turned her over in his arms, cradling her as he did.

Oh my God, the pain ripped through him. No pulse. Nothing, she was gone and there was not a thing he could do.

He fell back to the deck, his body shuddering, still holding the one who was so precious.

He could not think, could not reason in any way. His head swam as he shook it, trying to clear his vision, but to no avail. The Captain, his Captain, HIS Kathryn had gone from this world to the next, left him all alone.

A blood curdling roar escaped from his lungs and resonated all through....

Chakotay was screaming, tears streaming down his face as he came to in his quarters.

His body shivering for some reason. As he looked up, trying to understand his feelings, he saw her stood there.

She who never left him, who always watched over him and guided him when the need arose.

The great wolf approached the man, and licked the salty tears from Chakotay's face, gently.

"You are troubled, Brother. Tell me, what hurts you so, what pain lurks in your heart, that has brought my Warrior to his knees like this......."

Chakotay looked at her with dread in his eyes, confusion inscribed across his face. "I was lost, somewhere........ do not know what happened, but as I watched I saw my Kat......my Captain.."

He glanced away, trying to shield his features, hoping his companion had not noticed the slip he had made.

"Chakotay don't try and hide your heart from me," the wolf chided. "I know that to your soul, she is and always shall be Your Kathryn."

"How could I hide anything from you Sister, you know my heart before I do"

Chakotay said as he gazed at the wolf with adoration.

Suddenly his face, contorted in distress as his Vision again surfaced.

He continued to tell his tale. "I found Kathryn, she was "... he exhaled to control his breathing.... "She was dead, had been killed in an attack on the ship, but I do not know how, why or when," His voice broke.

Chakotay had stood and began pacing the floor as he spoke. Finally he stopped his pacing and swung around to face his Guide.

"Sister, is this the future I see, what is to happen, or only what may happen. I need to know what I have stumbled across during this Vision Quest journey."

The wolf remained silent. That silence cut through Chakotay's heart like a knife. Longer, longer......the silence was drawn out.

After an agonizing twenty minutes, Chakotay could take the eerie silence no longer.

He turned to her beseechingly, hands clasped together in front of his chest.

"Please Sister, I must know, I have to know which it is." he begged of hisgrey companion.

"Why?" Was the only answer she gave.

"What do you mean why," Chakotay, by this time was becoming annoyed, something he rarely ever did with his Spirit Guide.

He sank back down to the floor in response.

"What I said, Brother" she replied, as she watched him, placidly. "Why is it so important for to know if what you saw was a true Vision of the future or only that which might be."

The wolf sat down right in front of him and looked Chakotay right in the eyes, her lecturing stance.

His answer did not surprise the old wolf, but once he had said it out loud, maybe she could get him to see the truth. She could only point him in the right direction, show him the right path to take. Inevitably, only Chakotay himself, could walk along that path which led to contentment.

Chakotay, had not yet answered her, his was staring off behind her, trying to decipher an answer. Trying to work out in his own confused mind just why any difference in circumstance should colour his response, change his reactions in any way.

"Well Brother, have you an answer for me. Why must you know"?

If a wolf could be said to smile, this one was. She would have the equivalent of a big grin that would extend from ear to ear. She spoke to unseen others in her mind. "Not long now, fellow Spirits, HE will realize soon, and then, then he will take the first steps along their journey he is destined to take.

"Brother, come now, it is not like you to hesitate, you are well aquatinted with your own heart and mind, why do you linger so?"

Not sure where this was heading, he finally gave her the answer he thought she was seeking. "I must know, for if it is the future that might be, I will redouble my efforts. Be more attentive to the ship and crew. Check and re-check every iota of information that comes through the sensors. That way I can guide the Captain, be there to support her."

As Chakotay spoke, his expressions softened dramatically. "Watch over her, to, care for her...."

Chakotay looked expectantly at his Guide, waiting for the response he thought would come.

However, she was not satisfied with his answer.

The wolf licked her lips, "Well, Brother, that was half the answer, will you tell me the rest, you cannot hide it forever"

Chakotay spun around on his heel, bringing his hands across his chest in a defensive posture. "Hide it, what do you mean, I am not hiding....."

"Are you not,... Chakotay, look deep within your heart, tell me, tell me truly, what the difference would be if you knew your Vision was that what will be?"

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes. It was not often she lost her temper with her chosen companion, rarely did she cut off his speech as she had just done.

Covering his face with both hands he took a couple of deep breaths as he searched his heart and relived the vision.

Over and over he went through the sequences that haunted him. His head snapped up, the answer occurred to him, flashed through his mind like a bolt of lightning. He looked at the wolf, and he knew just what it was she waited to hear.

He stood rigid, hands clenched.

"If I know SHE is to die, if I am sure I will lose my Kathryn." he stopped to calm his ragged breathing, again the Vision played itself out before his fearful eyes. He once again relieved those feeling of dread and ravaging pain.

"Yes Brother, go on, you are on the to understanding, now?"

"If I am sure Kathryn will be torn from me, if she will not be apart of my life" he paused eyes closed to center himself. "If all I treasure is to be torn from my grasp....I must...I ...would...I'd .. have..to...."

Once again the pain overwhelmed him, tears were flooding down his face. "If I am to lose her tomorrow, I would waste no more time today. I would make my heart known to her. Shower her with my feelings." Chakotay smiled, his wet eyes shimmering at the thoughts he was bringing to the light.

"Somehow I would overcome those walls she has built, brake down the barrier she uses to keep me out, smother her with tenderness, surround her with my love. Cherish all that she is, treasure whatever time we have left. I would take the chance, .....I .......would."

He tried to continue, but emotions ran rampant through his mind, conflicting confusing....fear.... love..... pain...desire, all mixed together until he could not separate them any longer.

He sat, shaking, his arms wrapped around his knees and legs, rocking himself for comfort.

He could not talk any more, he was sobbing to much to make himself understood. The she wolf came and rubbed her muzzle against his cheek, trying to ease his solitude to break through his pain.

She must have succeeded as a hand came up to ruffle through her grey fur then two arms wrapped tightly around her neck as her soul companion buried his face in her warm coat.

She had opened the door to enlightenment, now she must complete his lesson. A lesson destiny would wait no longer for.

"Chakotay," she whispered. "Chakotay, my Brother, look at me, please."

He lifted his head, slowly, to look at her, as he did he noticed for the first time that they were not alone. A small green Lizard was sitting expectantly by his legs, but, so intent on his wolf was he that he had failed to see it before. But something, some sixth sense, told him that the lizard had been there all along, witness to all his raw emotions.

"Yes Chakotay, I have been watching you" the lizard told him. "But I have been watching you for some time, some time indeed. You see, I had to be sure you were the right one." the lizard explained.

Chakotay exhaled deeply, he was too worn out to contemplate any more puzzles just now. "The right one for what," he asked, warily.

"You still do not understand," the lizard admonished, but the wolf snapped at it,"He will, he will, friend lizard, very soon."

More mysteries, more sentences unfinished, he could not take anymore for now.

They both turned and looked at him with mirrored, penetrating stares that sent a stream of shivers down the man's spine.

Now Chakotay, feeling frustrated at being treat like a child went on theoffensive with the Spirit Animals.

He was on the verge of loosing his temper at his own Guide and the interloper.

"Just what the hell is it you expect of me anyway," He pointed at the lizard, then with and outstretched hand turned the gesture onto his wolf, thus it was a cross between a threat and a plead.

"All I asked was one simple question, I only needed a small insight into what I should do.. how to react from here... and you both........" he cut himself off shaking his head.

After he had stopped talking he realized that they were both laughing at him, he could hear it as plain as day.

This, this really raised his ire.

There was a chance Kathryn could be torn from him, he stood to lose all that was dear to him. Kathryn Janeway was everything to Chakotay, the very air he breathed, all he held sacred, paled against his feelings and need for Kathryn. And here he could loose all that and his wolf, she who had guided him so well before, she sat there laughing at him......

Rage overcame Chakotay, he clenched his teeth, " What is so funny, Sister, do you mock my feelings, my love for Kathryn"....

Chakotay turned away before she could see the hurt in his eyes. So as she answered, she answered to his stiff back.

"Chakotay, my Brother, I would never mock that which is so important, so dear to you. It is you, yes , YOU who mock your feelings and you who betrays your love."

That stopped him in his tracks. He spun around to face his Guide in bewilderment. "Me. Me betray Kathryn, I would never.."

"I did not say you had betrayed your Kathryn, did I Brother".

"But...you...said..." he stammered.

"You betrayed your feelings, YOUR love, not your Kathryn, is what I said."

By this time Chakotay was totally confused his mind in utter turmoil. How could he betray his love without betraying Kathryn. It did not make sense.

The two were indistinguishable, weren't they?. If....but....maybe, thoughts kept swirling around his mind.....no nothing came. Once again he took to pacing the floor, to try and balance himself and restore the harmony that had alluded him but he so desperately sort.

Through the myriad of his thoughts he heard the Lizard call out to him. He walked to the creature and searched its eyes for a possible answer. "Look for understanding from your owns words, Chakotay, you know where, open those eyes of yours. Your search has ended."

My own words, he thought. What did I say. The only words I gave were the answers to the ques....

It came to him in a blinding flash...... They were right.

I have betrayed my love, I have first betrayed then hid and finally denied my love. I betrayed my love by maintaining the status quo. If Kathyrn was sure to die, I was going to expose my love for all to see, I would not have held back anything, for any reason, even if that meant contesting Kathryn's precious protocols. I would have beaten against her shields until she was too weary to keep me out.

But if she was to be safe, if the thread was only an imaginary one I would have left all as it is. Taken the easiest road.. He looked at both creatures with what looked like relief, holding his hands out in front of him, palms up, arms wide apart.

"That's my betrayal isn't it"? He asked both of them, even though he already knew what their answer would be.

Both Spirit Creatures were beaming at him, he had finally come to understand, had solved his own Quest. Chakotay's heart was beating so fast he felt sure it would burst from his chest.

Chakotay loved Kathryn Janeway. He LOVED Kathryn. No matter which way the wind blew, it should not affect his feelings. This was the lesson they had taken such pains to impart. Now he could carry on, take destiny in his own hands. Whatever the future held in store for them, he would love Kathryn, unconditionally . His Kathryn....

All of a sudden he groaned.......both creatures peered at him in surprise as he broke into peals of laughter.

Chakotay stood looking happy, pleased yet still a little perplexed. He showed them that lovely sweet smile that had innocence written all over it.

"Guides, I once again need your wisdom, how do I tell Kathryn, how do I make her see that I love her, that she is a much needed component in my life.

That we are incomplete apart."

However, Chakotay had a feeling that he would enjoy trying to solve this puzzle.

The mists overtook him once again, but as he faded from that place he could hear the two creatures speaking to one an other. "Well my friend, that is the easy, now for the hard. Destiny awaits us. I think it is time to pay HER a visit friend Lizard, have you paved the way for our journey on thisQuest?"

Chakotay came around to find himself still sat on the floor of his quarters, his medicine bundle laid out in front of him. He must have been sat for awhile as his legs, still crossed were beginning to lose their circulation.

He slowly opened his legs and stretched them out before him, leaning back on his hands. "Well, that was a very enlightening journey," he said to himself. His stomach rumbled, letting him know that he had been gone longer than he thought and had missed dinner.

OK, he thought, let's go and see if Kathryn has eaten yet.

He was walking along corridor towards the Captain's quarters when he came to a sudden halt. His Vision Quest came flooding back through his mind. A big grin appeared on his face. Well now, maybe it is time to take that first few steps on the....... what had his friend, wolf called it...........Ahhh yes, the road to contentment.

He signaled his presence at her door. He stood for a minute waiting for her to allow him to enter. When finally Kathryn Janeway called admittance, he strode in full of confidence and determination.

This was the beginning of Chakotay's campaign. A campaign that one certain Captain surely could not fight for very long. Especially with the interference of two unyielding Spirit Guides who would help Chakotay at every turn, every time Kathryn called on her guide, which Chakotay encouraged vigorously. A battle that was the talk of a ship called Voyager, but that is a story for another time.

Road To Contentment 2

Captain Kathryn Janeway was tired, she felt the need for...... she could not define what she needed. Her First Officer had always told her to consult with her animal Guide at times such as these, so after her watch was over, she had secluded herself in her quarters and done just that.

As she recognized the place she had drifted to, a small Lizard was perched upon a rock basking in the sun. "Well Sister, you have been gone a long time, do you not need me any more, have you finally discovered the other half of your life force..

No , I can see you are still incomplete, search Sister, search around you for that which you blindly seek, it is right before your eyes, if only you look"

The Vision drifted away to the sound of a Lizard and a Wolf laughing.

Janeway stood, the scientist in her annoyed at her foolishness, the women in her aching for..... she knew not what, or did she?

She felt it was a desperate need, one she must conquer, she had to over come it and NOW.

She pulled her Captain's persona around her as a knight would his armor. She would beat this. She was the Captain, she did not need anything, she began to study the daily reports to give her mind something to focus on other than the words of her Spirit Guide, which combined with the animal laugh still reverberated around her mind.

Hours later Janeway, still dressed in her uniform, was sprawled on the couch in her quarters, all around her was PADD's which contained a myriad of information detailing just about every aspect of the ship's functions.

She was so shrouded in her thoughts that at first she failed to notice the constant 'beep' sound emanating from her door.

Beep, there, there it was again, this time she reacted, although still somewhat preoccupied.

"Come' she absently called into the thin air.

However, her door obeyed her summons and opened to admit a very cheerful looking XO.

Captain Janeway looked up briefly at the interloper who had entered her quarters, seeing it was only Chakotay she again turned her attentions back to the problems at hand.

"Commander, did you realize that the warp core efficiency rating could be increased a further four percent if we could only modify the total warp field geometry........" Kathryn broke off her lecture as she suddenly realized that Chakotay had not even spoken a greeting to her yet, something he was normally, never remiss about.

She looked up, "at that which was right before her eyes" a distant voice whispered, straight into his smiling face.

When he entered her quarters to see her sat there all flustered as she pondered her facts and figures laid out before her, his eyes lit up, and his heart began to make it's presence known.

Chakotay had already experienced a rainbow of emotions, connected to Kathryn with his sojourn in the Spirit World.

His Guide and a Lizard had led him on a merry chase around his own heart strings, now, stood there, with his arms crossed in that familiar stance of his, the one that had Chakotay stamped all over it, he again felt the turbulence in his heart.........

"Commander", Janeway began, but was not sure what to say. As her mind was having a discussion of it's own.

"Right Before Your Eyes."

"No, no not Chakotay, you are wrong, I can't......" But as she considered the look on her First Officers face....it was........somehow different, he was still Chakotay and yet, he was not.

Since last she had seen him, something had happened, something that had left it's mark on him.

His eyes spoke volumes to her. Telling a story she did not think she wanted to hear.

Janeway searched his face for a moment before she came up with a comparison.

Adoration, pure adoration entwined was a large amount of passion was emanating from his entire being, acting like a beacon, beckoning to her.

A beacon she could not ignore.

Stood there, with well muscled legs slightly apart, arms placed behind his back affording her a perfect view of his broad chest and chest that seemed to be rising and falling a little faster than usual, and at the moment seemed to mesmerize her warring emotions, that same look still on his face.

Kathryn felt a heat welling up in her entire body and a dampness seemed to be seeping into her uniform, making it awfully uncomfortable, silently, she took a hesitiant step towards her First Officer, then another. All thoughts of warp efficiency lost.

At this particular time thinking was the last thing on Kathryn's mind. She edged closer, still closer, to Chakotay, whose expressions had gone from surprise to expectation, then taking his cue as always from her, he was overcome by the same fire, his eyes smouldered.

She looked up into his face just in time to see the tip of his tongue play across his lips, her eyes widened, she held her breath for what seemed like an eternity. More heat washed over her and warmed the far reaches of her body from head to foot.

Chakotay's head was cocked just a little to one side, his breathing had increased immensly since she had stood toe to toe with him.

In the back of her mind Janeway was shocked at her seemingly wanton actions. This was her First Officer, a man she trusted to do his duty to her and the ship, and Protocols demanded that she segregate herself from him, from any onboard.

But the woman in Kathryn could only react to the magnetic pull that seemed to be coming in waves from the darkly handsome man looking down at her. She heard the 'Captain' calling out in the back of her conscience, "Kathryn, don't do this, Kathryn, you will regret it if you do. How can you look him in the eyes on the Bridge tomorrow, if you do this now"

As her mind battled with itself, her body had ideas of its own. They were acting purely on basic animal instinct. On something she had ignored for far too long, she had tried to fool herself that she had triumphed over it but she knew now that she was wrong. Here in the presence of this attractive male animal, that primal need surfaced and quelled any other considerations that might have been apparent in one Kathryn Janeway.

Janeway felt herself become flush, her temperature rising to boiling point, she could not help herself could not save the Captain from herself. Still he had not spoken, yet she was moving closer to him, mesmerized by his silence, crushed up against his body seeking ...what?

Her senses were reeling, she inhaled a musky, manly fragrance, she felt his heat it seemed to be radiating from his whole body......Crushed so tightly against him like this she could not help but be aware of another of his manly attributes.

She could feel his rampant erection jutting against her hip as Chakotay absently swayed his body back and forth...back and forth...blindly automatically seeking pressure, friction, release...

Two strong arms were wrapped around her shoulders, "Kathryn."

Ahh, he spoke her name as if it were a caress. " Kathryn," He finally spoke.

"Chakotay" she leaned slightly into him her head beginning to lift, all of its own violation. His face, his lips were right there, waiting for hers to merge against his. Lower. Closer.

At first gently, tenderly he kissed her.

Chakotay spread his legsa little more to maintain their balance, his arms dropping from her shoulders to her waist, crushing her to his chest.

Chakotay's thoughts, well what little of his mind could concentrate at the moment could not believe she had come to him so easily, he was sure he would have to slowly claw against her outer defenses, until she could bring herself to trust him to accept all that he offered her, his trust, his honour, his love, his life.

Not knowing why she had come to him now, did not stop him from thanking the Spirits for delivering his hearts desire unto him.

His eye lids closed, heavy with emotion, and he had to swallow a lump that had settled in his throat at the thought of his beloved resting her head against his broad, heaving,chest.

As he tightened his arms that encircled her waist and pulled her even closer to his ....

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway, your presence is needed on the bridge. Tuvok to Commander Chakotay, your presence is needed on the bridge"

The blood was surging through Chakotay's veins and at first he made no attempt to move, as he felt the heated sensations give way to frustration.

He felt Kathryn give her head a shake as if to clear her thoughts, to pull herself together.

And Chakotay knew he must to, so as obligation took over his already drenched senses he began to control his breathing, to slow his beating heart, to pull the mask of duty over his passion filled features.

Then he opened his eyes and looked at his Kathryn, tried to convey that all would be well, that until this problem was solved he would be her Commander again, but then, then when it was over, Chakotay and Kathryn would return.

They could then immerse themselves in each other, saturate one an other with emotions that had been held at bay for far too long.

All would be well now....Or so he thought.......

Kathryn Janeway pulled herself away and looked up at her First Officer with astonishment.

"What was I thinking...." Janeway, stammered (that's the trouble her captain's mind echoed, you weren't) and tried once again to pull herself together.

"I am sorry, Commander, I do not know what came over me... I... We have to get to the Bridge."

She turned so quickly as she abandoned Chakotay, that she did not see the look of pain that swept across his dark features.

His large frame slumped.

For a moment, he looked defeated, beaten down again. Forsaken once more, how many more rejections could he suffer. His dejected body swayed a little from side to side as he realised he had thought wrong.

He ran his fingers, through his close cropped hair and back down to his face again, bringing his hands to cover his eyes. There his fists clenched, and his jaw tightened as he for new resolve. To try once again to drink from the well of patience.

Kathryn was not going anywhere, he had time, plenty of time....

A feeling of acceptance overtook him.

He was a Warrior, an Angry Warrior at that. He had been Marquis, since when had he admitted defeat, he had always faced the worst of odds and had survived to tell the tale.

Now he may not be so Angry but he was still a Warrior, and this battle was already won.

Kathryn had yet to admit it, that is all.

He quickly left to catch up to the Captain. Chakotay smiled, his mind, body and soul were whole once again. He had witnessed and insight into Kathryn's feelings, he had taken the next steps on the Road to Contentment.

As the Captain dashed out of her quarters, still all flushed. she did not notice a red and black uniform standing down the corridor talking to a pretty young ensign.

Well, thought Tom Paris, the Captain looks like the devil is chasing her. I wonder what's up.

But before either himself or his companion could comment a noise caught their attention.

All of a sudden, the same doors swished opened and out of the Captains quarters strode one First Officer, looking awfully pleased with himself.

Paris quickly flattened himself against the wall, he did not wish Chakotay or his Captain to notice him loitering around the senior quarters, especially after what he had just witnessed.

Once the Captain and Chakotay had entered the turbo lift, Paris moved forward and realized he had been holding his breath. His first thought was to call Harry and B'Elanna and tease them with the latest bit of gossip he had picked up. And Tom felt sure that as far as rumours went, this was the tale that would rattle the entire ship.

It was a common game that all three seemed to enjoy, trying to trump each other in the rumour stakes. But just as he turned to say good-bye to the young lady he was talking to, Tuvok once again called, this time for Paris, and the rest of the Senior Staff.

Oh well, thought Tom , I can still make them aware that I know something they don't know.

Actually, he thought this might even work out better. A little anticipation never hurt anybody. Might even earn myself a few Replicator Rations out of this.. Good one Tommy boy, play your cards right and we could do very well out of this..

Of course that's providing Ensign Catto does not realise what she witnessed. Likely she 'll just assume the Captain and Commander were having a meeting or something. Nice one indeed..

Paris could not help but rub his hands together with glee as he headed on up to the bridge, a light tread to his step. A great smile on both his lips and his eyes spoke volumes to any who knew Tom Paris, not his best poker face to say the least.

Paris followed in the direction the Captain and Chakotay had taken a short while earlier. Feeling very pleased with himself.

Once the door to the Turbo lift had closed Chakotay turned to Janeway as if
he was about to speak.

The Captain, still shaken by her near actions in her quarters, forestalled any comment he might have been about to make.

'Commander, we have been in a very quite region of space for some time now, I think, maybe the crew have become a little complacent. Would you see to it that all duty stations hold Red Alert Battle Drills inter spaced by six hour periods over the next few days.

"Aye Captain". Chakotay looked down and across to her his brow raised just enough to distort the outline of his tattoo, a dead give away that he was not at all pleased. That and the fact that he had now turned away from her and his back was ramrod straight, with his arms down by his side. There was no animation to his body at all, he knew she was only using delaying tactics.

If he was to organize drills on such a scale, it would keep them apart. There would be no chance to talk about what had just happened, what had nearly just happened.

But she was the Captain and if she wanted drills, drills she would get.

He steeled himself to talk to her one final time before they arrived at their destination, the Bridge.

"Kathryn", she swung around at the use of her name so close to her bastion of power, but did not comment on it. "Kathryn, you can run, but you cannot hide, not from me, not from us, not forever, I will still be here, waiting."

Chakotay's eyes were alight with emotion, he seemed to stare through her to the core of her very exsistence.

Kathryn could feel her body tremble slightly at his tone of voice, the gentleness with which he spoke. Even his voice had an alluring quality toit.

Just as he finished talking the Turbo lift doors whooshed open and the Bridge personal came into full view.

The Captain however, did not make a move to exit the lift. Her mind was all in turmoil. Her hands were clammy, small beads of perspiration were forming at the back of her neck.

When she saw Tuvok approach, it dawned on her that Chakotay had gone to his customary place on the Bridge, but he had not sat down.

He turned to look at her, a look that promised ........

No, pull yourself together woman.

Janeway again asserted herself, trying to get back on an even keel. She strode forward and called to Tuvok. "Mr Tuvok, Report."

Yet she could not bring herself to walk down and sit in her chair, next to her First Officer, who by now had seated himself and was seemingly absorbed in the reports on his console.

ROAD TO CONTENTMENT 3



Tuvok looked at his captain with concern, but answered her all the same. "Captain, sensors have picked up a Nebula ahead of us, that if we change course to avoid will add approximately two months to our journey".

Janeway, still walking the rear of the bridge, spun around from her
contemplation of Harry's console. She looked straight at Tuvok, her glare, one of surprise.

"Tuvok, why didn't this information register on the previous sensor sweeps that have been run. What has the crew been doing whilst I was off the bridge, taking my absence as a sign to relax and ignore half of their duties."

The captain was really annoyed at herself, however. Whilst she was fawning over Chakotay, almost abandoning the balance, the respected harmony of command, without which the crew would surely crumble. Her ship had come across a problem that should have been obvious long since. They should have discovered the Nebula and had a 'battle plan' as it were already to initiate.

Now however....

"Captain....are you alright?" Tuvok was at her side, and unaccustomed as he was to touching anybody, at any time, He had his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing, to gain her attention.

At this level of familiarity, Tuvok picked up on the conflicting waves her emotions were exuding. Anger and confusion but that was tempered with love tinged with lust and desperation.

And Tuvok knew his captain well enough to realize there was a battle royal going on inside his captain and friend. And he also knew what, who, was the one who elicited this turbulent wash of emotions.

He had to get her off the bridge, to her ready room or quarters where she could calm herself and once more bring everything under control.

And if that failed, it would be time to have a serious chat with Mr. Chakotay.

"Captain,....... captain, you were deep in thought , are you well?"

Janeway looking a little startled up at Tuvok, failing to notice the alarming look that spread across the First Officers face.

Chakotay had involuntarily took one....two...three steps towards the upper deck and his beloved captain before he realized what he was doing.

he stopped himself by gripping the rail and pretending that he had walked over to lean on it.

Tom Paris, (he of the eagle eye)however, had witnessed not only Chakotay's unbidden movement but also the look the was inscribed all over the First Officer's face during that unguarded moment.

After Paris had assured himself that the captain was fine, or at least in safe hands between Tuvok and Chakotay, he once again had facts and figures and odds roaming around in his head.

So far that's two for two Tommy boy, I think we have enough evidence here to start up the latest 'are they or aren't they' poll.

And I think the five replicator rations a bet should start the proceedings off nicely."Paris to B'Elanna."

"Yes Tom, what is it?" came the rather brisk reply. "I'm up to my elbows in phase transition coils and molecular imaging scanners at the moment and don't have the time to spend in idle gossip with you fly-boy."

"Oh that does seem a pity, cause I know something you don't know." Paris replied trying to sound sneaky but actually coming off in a more childishmanner.

This only served to annoy the Chief Engineer even more. "Tom, go and bother Harry or Neelix, I have too much to do to play your stupid guessing games today."

"Oh really, even when it concerns your best friend and the captain?"

Paris knew he had her hooked when he heard the sound of a metallic object, a tool of some kind, drop to the floor from a height.

"Oh well, since you are obviously too busy and are not concerned about my news, I'll just leave you to.."

"Paris," B'Elanna hastily called out, "Can you meet me in the galley at the
end of your shift. And you better be telling me the truth, buster, or you'll regret it." She left her threat hanging there, which was just as well as the captain was starting to act like her normal self and had called all senior hands together for a meeting.

At the table Tuvok finally got a chance to explain that the sensors had not picked up the Nebula before, due to its unusual composition. It was not till a ship was on the outer most outskirts of the Nebula that the sensors became
aware of it existence.

And the Voyager's Federation sensors, were no different.

Fine, that answered that questio. "So my crew were not holding a tea party on the bridge after all in my absence?" the captain had tried and succeeded in explaining her unusual behavior on the bridge, away with this burst of jocularity.

"Now people, that just leaves us with a few questions." Janeway switched pace into lecturing mode.

"How long will it take to detour around the nebula?" She was about to go on when she turned to Neelix instead. "Does this particular nebula have a name that you are aware of Neelix?"

"Well, Captain, I have heard tell, from various traders I have met, of the existence of the Tri-kky Nebula. Only the exact coordinates for the nebula are never the same, but we are in right general direction, I suppose, if we average out all the different coordinates. But when buying second or third hand information what can you expect.."

"All right, Mr. Neelix, we get the picture. But didn't you think this was worth bringing to our attention," Janeway cut him off or he was more like to rave on and on getting completely off topic and taking up too much valuable time.

Neelix had no answer for her, he just looked away from her imperious gaze, embarrassed, wishing he could slink away and hide for now.

"We will assume then that this is the Tri-kky Nebula, OK, How long will it take to detour around the nebula. Tuvok, is it advisable to change course
immediately."

"It seems, captain, that we have another problem to add to the equation before that question can be addressed." Despite Tuvok's stoic appearance, Janeway noticed by the flavour of his words that she was not going to like what came next, that they were possibly heading into trouble.

Janeway's roaming had taken her all around the room and she had come to a halt behind the chair that habitually contained Commander Chakotay, unbidden by conscious thought she had laid her hand across Chakotay's shoulder and at Tuvok's statement had squeezed her hand tightly.

In the back of her mind she was trying to decide if this action was for reassurance or an attempt to tap his strength, but whatever the reason she felt a great deal of comfort.

That is, until her conscious thought caught up with the internal discussion and she realized that she was semi-holding her First Officer from behind, for all her senior bridge crew to witness, not to mention the First Officer himself.

Janeway tried to retreat to her chair with dignity, a hard feat when your
entire bridge crew are all giving you calculating stares and your XO is calmly looking at you as if your actions were the norm, but his eyes are talking volumes. And saying, 'I told you, you can't escape it, we are destined to be together, why fight it any more?'

She turned her attention back to the meeting. After giving Chakotay a look which read, 'We will deal with this later.'

And she debated with herself, Kathryn started with "First things first, my lady, sort the ship out then we can address or should that be undress Chakotay" and the captain came back with "belay that order, after the ship is out of danger, we will have a long talk with to MR. Chakotay and get things straight once and for all."

Janeway, now all back to business gave Tuvok her full attention as he explained the second problem. "It will take approximately 8 weeks to circumnavigate the Tri-kky Nebula. From all available data to date there is no satisfactory M-class planets along the route to restock our already dwindling supplies. Should there not be any useful elements to the planets we encounter going around the nebula in about three weeks we will have all but exhausted our current supplies."

"Well, that does not give us much room for maneuver, does it?"

"Do you concur with Mr. Tuvok, Neelix" she asked.

"As far as the food situation is concerned with careful planning and stretching the ingredients a little I would have but it more in the region of five weeks."

He shook his head in a gesture of confusion and even a little impatience before going on. "Still, you Starfleet people are too soft in your dietary intake. That is probably where Mr. Vulcan and I arrive at different figures. If only you could all change you eating habits or the way you look at food, then maybe you would begin to appreciate what you have here instead of continually complaining of a lack of this and a lack of that...."

"Thank you, Mr. Neelix," Janeway conceeded by throwing her hands up in the air. "I take the point, we will all definitely try and curb our eating practices, but I think for prudence sake we had better take Tuvok's assessment as our guide in this matter."

The captain next turned her attention to Ensign Kim. "Mr. Kim, what do the latest sensor readings on the Tri-kky Nebula reveal."

Kim cleared his throat before he answered as he knew she was not going to be pleased with his answer.

Just beside him Tom Paris, who had momentarily stopped contemplating his Captain and Commander and their reactions, not only to the emergency but, more importantly to his betting pool, to one another, had to stifle a laugh as he noticed his best friend.

After all this time Harry was still nervous when the spotlight shone on him. You'd think he would be used to his place by now and would take the captain's questions in stride, but no, he was still the kid of the family, worrying whether or not 'mother' was going to approve or not.

"Ahhem.. Sensors are having a great deal of trouble penetrating the nebula, captain. And where they do, their range is extremely limited. My recommendation would be..." Here Kim stopped and looked around as if for support or for forgiveness even for being the one to bare the news ..... "To continue to travel through the nebula but not to engage the warp engines, that way we can safely navigate the nebula using the limited sensor information to navigate by."

Chakotay spoke up for the first time during the meeting. "Excuse me, ensign, but I believe Mr. Tuvok stated that the time needed to go around the nebula would be two month., What is your best assessment if we are to continue on straight through the nebula using impulse engines as our only means of propulsion?"

"Yes sir. As far as we can estimate, and allowing a few days either side for
sensor error, under the circumstances, it will take five weeks." Harry
answered as sweat began to gather under his collar.

"Well, that is still cutting it a bit fine, Ensign. We will run out of supplies in-between three to five weeks, why then should we risk entering this 'Tri-kky Nebula' which by your assessment will take us around five weeks to clear?" Chakotay declared.

"Sir, I failed to mention that the sensors show what could be a small class M planet about six days into the nebula," Harry stumbled in reply, he couldn't believe he had left that important bit of news out of his report.

He was thankful that the Commander had chosen not to come down on him for it.

Janeway made the final decision before any further debate could be made. "People, there is only one thing we can do, it is a risk to re-supply the ship no matter which option we take. If we go around the nebula it will be eight weeks until we come across an M-class planet. Yes we could pick up a few things off any other class planets we find, but it is not a certainty. We know there is a planet six days into the Tri-kky nebula which shows all indication of being M-class or as close to as needed. So, into the nebula we go, if we have to take a gamble."

Janeway smiled and turned to look at Tom. "What would you say, Mr. Paris? After all, this is your specialty, at least let's try and hedge our bets a little in our favour."

Tom Paris had a great smile plastered across his face, "Yes, Ma'am, I
couldn't agree more, Captain," he said out loud.

And he was thinking along the same lines to himself about his latest betting pool.

"Fine, I think that is about it, anyone have anything to add" Janeway asked.

"No? Good. Then lets do it people. Dismissed."

She waited until she thought all of the crew had left then turned around and started to walk out of the room.

She walked straight into a well muscled red and black chest. Telling herself to keep control, she could handle this, after all she had been for years now, she took a deep breath and looked up.

All her good intentions went out the window as she raised her head and looked into those deep clear eyes belonging to her First Officer.

Just being in such a close proximity to him again made her catch her breath, small shivers went running, unbidden, throughout her body, and she was angry at herself and at Chakotay.

Angry at Chakotay for sneaking up on her without warning, giving her no chance to drape herself in her iron will, her captain's persona.

Angry at herself for her lack of control, for making it so obvious to Chakotay that he was right, she couldn't fight him any longer.

For admitting that Kathryn had needs that must finally be meet as well.

When she did pull back from him, Chakotay knew he was one step closer to his hearts desire and sent a silent prayer of thanks to his animal guide, his crafty wolf, for giving him the courage to finally pick up the pace in their little battle of wills.

He gently framed her face in his large hands, and utilized just enough pressure to make Kathryn look up into his eyes. They both stood there mesmerized, time seem to recede to the point where it stood still.

Nothing else mattered.

So absorbed were they in each other that they did not notice or hear the door open as B'Elanna returned to retrieve her forgotten PADD.

She froze, her eyes taking in what to her, was the best sight she had seen for such a long time.

Knowing Chakotay as well as she did, and then coming to like Kathryn since she took the time to really get to know her, B'Elanna knew that they were meant for each other.

Her and just about every other member of the crew. That's why everyone was always laying bets on........

'Shit, I bet that's what Tom was hinting to earlier, the little kap'laht. Wait until I get my hands on him, keeping something like this from me'

Quietly exiting the room, the PADD still sitting forgotten, once again on the table, B'Elanna came to a halt in the corridor as soon as she heard the door seal shut.

It was at this point that she realized that she had been holding her breath all this time. Turning on her heel she headed straight for the galley and Tom Paris to partake in a few choice words with him.

Still oblivious to any external stimuli, Kathryn, in an attempt to moisten her dried up lips, ran her tongue across them, to Chakotay however that was enough, he could not withstand the emotions and the sensations building up inside him any longer.

The time had come to act.

Slowly, so slowly, he lowered his mouth, until his lips met with hers and he gently began to kiss her.

Tenderly, he silently poised the age old
question, seeking permission to fulfill her.

As Kathryn's eyes closed, it was all the answer he required, her head tilted back slightly as he began to deepen the kiss. Once she had opened the gate, the flood of he pent up need surged to the fore, nearly sweeping them both away with it's intensity.

How long had they stood there, kissing, devouring, tasting each other's essence, neither of them knew, yet neither of them cared in this point of time.

Chakotay's lips had traveled down to her neck and behind her ear and back again, over and over and over. His thigh made it's way, seemly of it's own violation, between her legs as she began to rock back and forth, rubbing herself against it.

The friction and pressure on her vagina, her swollen clitoris was ambrosial.

Chakotay, picking up on her resperation, her yearning need applied a little additional pressure, just where she needed it the most.

Kathryn no longer breathed, she was panting, her breasts were straining under her uniform and they too demanded equal attention.

So she twisted slightly to the right as Chakotay's hands glided down the front of her uniform, making sure his hands ended up where she wanted them, target met.

Chakotay massaged her hardened nipples. The tide came up the shore, she felt herself getting caught up in it, overwhelmed by it, knowing it was time she surrendered herself to it.

The universe exploded all around her, her orgasm overwhelming her so much, that if it was not for Chakotay's hold on her she would have slumped to the deck.

Her body was tingling she was soaring in a world of her own making a world of perfection and unadulterated pleasure.

Kathryn had never lost control like that before, for that matter no man had ever had this effect on her. Chakotay had induced one hell of a climax from her with only ......foreplay, they had not really done anything yet.

As she was coming back down to reality, she opened her eyes as she rested her head on his chest.

The first sight that caught her attention was Chakotay's bulging erection, and his patchy breathing.

In the back of her mind, she marveled at his strength of will, of how he had held himself in control even in this state.

Well, she thought to herself, 'I think it is time we addressed this matter.'

Slowly she looked into Chakotay's face and her eye's revealed a hint of mischief that often lurked behind the captain's facade. She continued to watch Chakotay as her hand traveled up his thigh to brush across, seemly accidentally, his restrained erection.

At her touch he gasped, and his body began to tremble slightly and an.... ooohhh..... so small moan escaped from his lips. At this point the mischief disappeared from her eyes and pure erotic lust replaced it.

Sinking to her knees, she ran her hand down his body as she went. Adding a little more pressure as she skimmed his manly nipples.

Sweat was beading on his forehead, she knew there was no going back now, she had evoked his passion passed the point of no return, all she had to do was bring him safely home, oohh eventually, she was in no particular hurry, after all it HAD been a while.

First things first, running her hands around the waistband of his trousers she began to clear away the obstruction of his clothing.

Once exposed she took a moment to contemplate the jutting erection in front of her, and she liked what she saw, now she hungered to devour it, but for Chakoytay's sake she would reign in her appetite.

Kathryn started at his belly, running her tongue around and in his naval with delft thrusts, causing Chakotay to shudder uncontrollably.

Teasingly she began to kiss and lick her way down to her ultimate destination. Her tongue swirled around and around the base of Chakotay's manhood and she raked her teeth in his groin, whilst her hand caressed the inside of his thighs causing spasm's of delight in her First Officer.

Kathryn's heart was rapidly beating, she could tease no longer, it was time to lay claim to her plunder, her battle trophy, as it were. For even though she had lost this battle of wills with Chakotay, she had won in reality, this was one battle she didn't want to win when all was said and done.

She kissed the tip of his penis and tasted the drop of pre-cum that slid onto her lips, it drove her senses wild. She cupped and rolled his balls in what would normally be a bit of a harsh grip, but Chakotay was so far gone in ecstasy that it heightened his pleasure rather than hurt.

Finally she took his manhood into her mouth. Chakotay, leaned back against the wall and his hands automatically began clenching.

His ragged breathing, so irregular now as he unfurled his hands and tangled his fingers into her hair as he tried to guide her further, to have her engulf his whole manhood to the hilt.

Kathryn began sucking the head, the sensitive ridges explored and given the utmost attentiveness, she took more of him in, deeper, deeper, then extracted his manhood to blow on the tip.

Chakotay forced her head back towards his penis, spoke for the first time, almost begged her, "Kathryn please, p-lea-se,... finish, Ka-th-ryn", the agony of longing brought a small sob from him and Kathryn could keep him from his release no longer.

She took his full eight inches into her mouth and throat. Sucking, frenziedly up and down his luscious manhood, faster and faster, his wet shaft straining in her mouth, thrusting to meet her with every stroke, Chakotay called out to her as he writhed and reveled in passion.

Just as she thought he was ready to cum she added a little pressure to his balls and with her other hand, pumped up and down his length in rhythm with her mouth, her tempo getting faster and faster until.....

Chakotay shuddered out of control, gave a final thrust and came with such an intensity that he did not even realize that he had not pulled back or withdrawn from Kathryn's mouth but had spilled his seed in her mouth, not the gentlemanly thing to do.

Still Kathryn did not seem to mind as she drank every last drop of her lover's juices.

Her lover, yes, there was no turning back now.

Things were not always going to be easy, but she could no longer deny it. She was Chakotay's just as he was hers.

Pulling herself up Chakotay's body, she kissed him soundly on the mouth. He returned the pressure tasting himself on her lips.

Hugging her tightly, as if he was afraid to let her go, afraid that if he took his arms away she would retreat from him. Retreat and regret what had happened.

As if reading his mind, she brought her lips up to his ear and then she just about stopped his heart. She whispered the words he had waited so long to hear and had almost gave up on.

"I love you, Chakotay. I have loved you for what seems like forever. You are right, we are each only half of a whole, incomplete without each other. Have you every heard of the Betaziod term 'Imzadi'? You are my imzadi and more, there is no single word, no term that explains........You are my life and I love you.....forever."

The universe stopped for a short time, a cunning wolf and an audacious lizard looked at one another and grinned.

"DONE AND DONE," they both exclaimed. The wheels have finally been set in motion for their destiny. Their sojourn along the Road To Contentment well under way.

And together their peregrinate will be a lot easier. Hardships, to be faced no doubt, but with he and she now one, the road will be a easier to travel. The final destination more effortless to achieve.

Back in the room on the Voyager two people were ecstatic. Chakotay looked deep into his captain's, no. his Kathryn's eyes. "My love, I pledged myself to you along time ago, you know that. But, I will tell you again. I love you, Red. You are my all, my reason for existence, for every breath I take. I want to fulfil that need in you that you have for so long refused to acknowledge, to be your strength, you comfort, when you need a friend, and yes I long to be your lover, Kathryn...What I am trying to say.."

Chakotay looked down and away from her intense stare as he was not sure of how his declaration would be received. He had never, ever, pledged himself to the extent that he wanted to be joined to his Kathryn.

Taking him in her arms, she kissed him softly then bade him look at her. As his gaze met hers, he was confronted by a smile that could compete with the sun itself for brightness.

"Chakotay, the time has come, I think, my dearest, when there should be nothing but honesty between us. When we should be able to say what we truly feel yet have kept chained in submission for far too long. My fault I know."

"No Kathryn, not all your fault," Chakotay replied. "I could have pushed things a few times myself, but decided discretion was the better part of valour and let things drop."

As Kathryn began to speak again, he held his fingers to her lips.. "SHH please, Kathryn, let me say what I need to say."

Once again his large hands gently held her face cupped in them. Hands that could easily crush her face, tenderly cradled her instead. His thumbs rubbing her soft cheeks. "Kathryn, I offer you my heart..my love..my life...all that is mine to give, for now..forever...for eternity."

Having finally bared his soul to her, finally telling her how she felt, he felt phenomenal.

When she did not reject him as she was want do to in the past, this joy transcended any other feeling he had ever experienced in the past.

He took her to his shaking body and all but crushed her to him as tears began to quietly fall down his face. When he went to kiss her once again, he noticed that she too shed tears of joy and that glorious smile was back on her face.

Another thing they were both doing, unbeknown to the other, was offering up a pray of thanks, each to their own spirit guide, for helping them find what amounted to salvation for them, and in a round about way for the whole crew of the Voyager.

For with them finally in complete harmony, all else they would confront, they would confront together united as one.

Surely nothing could overcome a pair such as Captain Janeway and her Commander Chakotay.

******

FINI
( or maybe not )