TITLE: Inner Jedi

AUTHOR: Scorpio

EMAIL: scorpiofic@aol.com

ARCHIVE: Yes, if you want it. Just tell me where.

FANDOM: View Askew (General) / ST:TPM (sorta)

For those who are unsure, View Askew Productions (Kevin Smith) consists of the following movies: "Clerks", "Mallrats", "Chasing Amy", and "Dogma". The 5th View Askew Movie; "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" is currently in production and is being filmed in California.

PAIRING: Jay/Silent Bob - Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan (sorta)

RATING: NC-17

WARNING: graphic m/m sex, language, erotic dreams [Thanks boyz!]

NOTES 1: I'm a voracious reader of TPM slash, however, my muse *refuses* to channel our favorite Force Boyz and their lovely bodies, so... I'm filtering them through Jay and Bob's drug-addled brains.

NOTES 2: ~indicates Jay's private thoughts~

DISCLAIMER: Kevin Smith owns Jay and Silent Bob. George Lukas owns Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I own the mistakes. No profits asked, no profits made.

SUMMARY: Silent Bob channels his Inner Jedi Master and then talks in his sleep.


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Inner Jedi
by Scorpio
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The hockey game officially over, Jay drained the remainder of his beer and flicked off the idiot box. Standing up, he indulged in a long, sensuous, bone-popping stretch. Feeling tension wash away only to be replaced with weariness, the blonde sauntered over to where his lover sat at the computer, dropping the empty in the recycle bin on the way.

"Hey man... ready for bed?"

He got a head shake 'no' for an answer.

"Why? S'up?"

Leaning over the large man's shoulder, Jay could see that the computer's screen was filled with nothing but words. No pictures, no graphics. Just words. ~What the fuck is he readin' *this* time?~

"Wha'cha readin' Lunchbox?"

"Slash... um... from the 'Dueling Lightsabers Jedi-Fic Archive'. S'kinky... I like it."

Jay rolled his eyes affectionately and turned his head to steal a quick kiss.

"You and your fuckin' Jedi shit... I swear Lunchbox, you're a freakin' perv man."

He received a low throaty chuckle in reply. He couldn't help it. He grinned.

"That wasn't a denial man... Anyway, I'm fuckin' beat. I'm hittin' the sheets. Don't wake me unless you plan to fuck me. Ya hear?"

"G'nite babe."

He got another kiss out of the deal and then turned to saunter off into their bedroom still grinning at his boyfriend's bizarre-o kink. ~Jedi erotica! Only you Lunchbox!~

~~~~

"...mmm... Obi-Wan..."

A low murmured voice tickled across Jay's sensitive ear, pulling him closer to awareness then he really wanted to be. A slight furrow etched itself between his brows as he tried to brush it aside and slip back down into his dreams.

Warmth and a comforting presence beside him slowly lolled him and he once more succumbed to the call of the Sandman.

~~~~

Jay snapped instantly awake as a large hot hand flopped onto his chest. He only felt a half-second of panic before his sleep-addled brain informed him that it was just Bob turning over in his sleep and cuddling up close. Slowly relaxing, he let his eyes drift shut again.

They popped back open when his lover's warm hand began a light teasing journey down his stomach and along his hip. He wasn't sure if it tickled or not, but whatever... it felt good.

"...mmmm..."

A slight smile forming on his lips, he lay still as the hand gentle trailed across his warm skin and wrapped lightly around his soft sleepy cock.

"...Obi-Wan... ...mmm... *feel* the Force..."

Jay's smile shifted into a frown and his eyebrows crinkled up as he realized that his lover was doing it *again*. Both it's actually. The first it being dreaming about *another* man and the second it being talking in his sleep so that Jay could enjoy ~or suffer through~ all of the gory details.

With a long suffering sigh, he tried to push the big idiot fan-boy away. He didn't succeed. Bob wasn't willing to let go of his prize.

"...the Force *flows* through you..."

Jay sighed in exasperation.

"That *isn't* the fuckin' Force you Bitch. That's my fuckin' *cock*! Either play with it the right way or let me get the fuck back to sleep."

Jay glared at his lover in the darkness, but it didn't matter anyway. Bob was sound asleep and couldn't truly appreciate his patented Sith Lord Glare of Doom. However, when his dippy lover neither moved nor began mumbling praises to George Lukas in his sleep again, Jay decided to just let it go.

~Release your anger into the Force, for that is the way to the Dark Side.~

He snorted at himself in disgust.

"Thanks Tubbs. Now you've got *me* doing the Jedi Master shit. Fuckin' cocksucker, I swear..."

No answer from the sleeping man beside him, Jay sighed the sigh of the long suffering and slowly drifted back to sleep, his flaccid cock nestled in his lover's large warm hand.

~~~~

Jay was literally *yanked* awake by the sensation of his cock being squeezed tightly and then twisted painfully.

"Obi-Wan! Look out! Battle droids!"

Jay "eeped" as his cock was yanked on once more. Without thought, he reached out and *smacked* his idiot lover on the arm as hard as he could.

"Let go! You stupid shit! That's *not* a fuckin' *lightsaber* man! It's my *dick* and I *don't* want it fuckin' ripped the hell off!"

Reaching down to his groin, Jay tried to pry Bob's thick fingers from around his cock. Unfortunately, Bob refused to let go. Instead, he squeezed. Tears pooled in his eyes and he let go of his grip on his lover's arm. Thankfully ~I'll be good from now on God. I swear.~ Bob loosened his grip considerably.

More than a bit miffed and very wary of dreaming stoners who obviously overdosed on Star Wars Slash, Jay rolled over, turning his back to Bob. This didn't deter his lover. Bob simply dragged his whole body in close and kept a ~thankfully loose~ grip on his recently abused dick.

Mumbling dyer threats and promises of retribution, Jay drifted back into a, now, uneasy sleep.

~~~~

A slow sleepy smile crept across his face. He wasn't sure just what it was that was pulling him from his dreams this time, but it was *certainly* a lot better than *last* time. Without opening his eyes, Jay began to catalog the sensations that his body was feeding his brain.

Warm muscular chest pressed enticingly against his back.

Large hot hand gently and slowly stroking his semi-hard cock.

Big fat stiffy snuggled in tight between the globes of his ass.

Soft beard bristles rubbing lightly against his neck and shoulder.

Soft husky voice murmuring in his ear.

Grinning like a fool, Jay nestled back into the loving warmth of his boyfriend. Tilting his head slightly to better enjoy the nuzzling at his throat, he tried to listen to whatever sweet things Bob was whispering to him.

"...uummm... Padawan..."

Jay frowned as his sleep soaked brain tried to define that word while his lover began distracting him by starting to hump his erection against Jay's naked ass. The wonderful sensations and the late hour threatened to make his mind melt out of his ears, but he concentrated. He *knew* that word, but from where?... Then it hit him.

Muscles locking up with jealous tension, he hissed from between clenched teeth.

"I am *not* Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm *not* you're... you're... *Padawan* Lunchbox!"

"...mmmm..."

Bob began to nibble lightly on his ear and he felt his anger melt away.

"Call me Qui-Gon my Obi-Wan..."

Jay didn't know whether to be pissed off that his man was dreaming about having sex with another man, a *fictional* man at that, or if he should laugh about being stuck inside one of Bob's porno fantasies. Glancing down at his very interested and throbbingly hard cock as if to consult with it on the whole subject, Jay finally decided to just go with it, to play into his lover's warped dream. He cast about in his mind trying to remember the last time they had watched Episode 1 together so he could fake Obi-Wan's cultured accent. Hoping he had it right, Jay turned his head and whispered at Bob.

"Yes, my Mahstah..."

He was rewarded with a strong thrust against his ass. He grinned evilly.

Reaching over his shoulder, he placed his hand flat along his lover's body and *shoved*. With a moan, Bob flopped over onto his back. ~You are *so* going to owe me for this Bitch. It's a good thing I love you, ya know, or you'd be in a world of hurt over this.~

Turning over to once more face the large man, Jay carefully scrambled up and over until he was straddling Bob's hips. Taking care to line up their erections, Jay thrust down lightly, rubbing their hard shafts along each other.

"Oh Mahstah... Qui-Gon..."

Jay snickered, half hoping-half afraid that Bob would wake up. He didn't. Still asleep, the larger man reached up and wrapped his arms around Jay, pulling him in closer.

"Obi-Wan..."

Not trusting himself not to break down into mood-killing giggles at the ridiculousness of it all, Jay figured that he'd keep his big mouth shut and just enjoy a little frontage with his tripped out and loopy lover. With that thought in mind, he braced his arms on his elbows along either side of Bob's head and spread his legs wider, grinding his cock against it's mate. He was rewarded with a shivery wave of pleasure up his spine.

Bob moaned in his sleep, still locked in his erotic Jedi dream, thrusting up against his lover.

"...Force..."

Jay squeezed his eyes shut and let the sweeping rush of tingles wash over him, drowning him in sensation and dragging him into his lover's fantasy.

"Padawan... oh Obi..."

Thrusting and grinding, sweat began to trickle down his back. Heart racing, blood pumping he panted and gasped, writhing above his sleeping lover.

"Oh... oh... I'm gonna come..."

Jay picked up the rhythm, moving faster and faster, thrusting harder and harder, pre-come from his and his lover's cock making their flesh slick. Then suddenly, his whole body shuddered in ecstasy and his muscles trembled.

"*Mahstah*!"

Hot wet come pumped out of his twitching pulsing cock to bathe Bob's groin. His lover woke up, grabbing his ass tightly and grinding up against him, a cry on his lips.

"*Obi-Wan*!"

Panting and trembling, his body almost overcome by aftershocks, Jay watched at shock, then confusion, and finally painful embarrassment flickered across his lover's face. He smirked.

"You're right Mahstah Qui-Gon. I *can* feel the Force flowing through me now."

Bob's face was a study in sated lust and humiliation. Jay allowed his smirk to melt and soften into a true smile. Slowly, Bob's embarrassment turned into wry amusement. His dark eyes twinkled in the low light. Finally, they both began to giggle. The giggles turned to laughter and Jay's arms finally gave out and he draped himself across his lover's broad sweaty chest.

"Jay?"

Turning his face in towards his lover's neck so he could whisper in his ear, he giggled and snickered his reply.

"Yes, Mahstah?"

He was rewarded with a playful slap to his left ass cheek. He giggled some more.

"Promise me... Promise me you aren't gonna tell the guys about this. Kay?"

Jay snickered a bit, then drew in a deep breath to calm himself down.

"No prob Lunchbox. *Trust* me on this when I say that I have *no* plans to become known around the neighborhood as your Padawan..."

Bob sighed in relief and Jay couldn't contain one last snicker. Then, cuddling down against the warm body of his lover, he settled back into sleep.



END: Inner Jedi
Scorpio [8th sign of the Zodiac]
scorpiofic@aol.com