Title: Rolaids

Author: Ornery

Archive: YES

Pairing: Q/O

Rated: G

Category: Pre-Slash

Warnings: Spew, maybe.

Spoilers: No, it's pre-TPM

Summary: Qui Gon learns the difference between a good pilot and a good ground transport driver. Told from Qui's POV

Author note and Disclaimer: This is NOT mine, the characters aren't and the song sure as hell isn't. This is a songfic parody of an old trucking called by the same title.

I'm soooo sorry, I could NOT leave it alone. I tried to disturb as little of the actual lyrics to Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H. as possible…so the grammar is NOT mine.

Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.
By Ornery

Some folks say the galaxy moves on ships of steel
Some say it moves on FTL:
But if you *really* wanna know what gets you your peace from planet
to planet,

It's Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

Songs have been written bout us Jedi of the Road
How we go from the Temple to wherever with an extra heavy load,
On a packet full of rockets: Hey let me set this story straight…

We live on Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

Everybody thinks that living thru this crap is really great:
But my guts are blazing *fire*, my back always aches:
My old ass is just a'smoking from sitting 40 hours straight

GIVE me Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

The coffee in some spaceports is enough to kill a mule,
And the gas in my stomach could be used for rocket fuel:
I'm stuck to my seat by the time I reach our port:
And I *need* Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H!

You think there's money in this roaming life I lead?
Let me tell ya brother I spend more on what I need
Registration, insurance, fines for being late,
Plus my Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

Everybody thinks that living thru this crap is really great:
But my guts are blazing *fire*, my back always aches:
My old ass is just a'smoking from sitting 40 hours straight

GIVE me Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

Some day I'll settle down this big old rusty bod of mine
And watch as that little padawan I've got,
Finds out about Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

Obi Wan thinks that living thru this crap is really great:
But my guts are blazing *fire*, my back always aches:
My old ass is just a'smoking from sitting 40 hours straight

GIVE me Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.

Masters, I'm telling you, I have had it up to around the you know
where….
I would like to have me a big, padded old rocking chair:
And let me get a chance to put them *new* boys into some good stuff

Like Rolaids, Doan's Pills and Preparation H.!