Title: Trikell's First Gift

Series: Through The Eyes of a Seer (#1)

Author: Rauhnee Ranshanka

Email: dragon@peak.org

Fandom: Star Wars; The Phantom Menace

Pairings: Obi-Wan/ Qui-Gon, Others Mentioned

Rating: PG

Codes: Slash (M/M), AU, Challenge Response (Sort of)

Status: New, Complete

Website: http://www.gatekat.net/index.html

Witnesslist Category: Inadmissible In Court

Archive: M_A Yes, Others yes by link to

http://www.gatekat.net/StarWars/_ST_Trikell_First_Gift.html

If you won't or can't archive by link, talk to me.

Summary: The planet Trikell is renowned for two things throughout the Republic; the enormous flying, fire-breathing Drakons that are its primary race, and the power of its Seers. It is here
Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Qui-Gon Jinn are sent to attend The Fifth Millennial celebration of Trikell's Queen Mother as an easy mission after the Naboo nightmare. But it turns into a mission of an entirely different kind even before it has even begun.

Disclaimers: If it's Star Wars, it's not mine. The rest is.

Dedicated to Master Elayna and Hiperbunny, for so many reasons beyond what's mentioned.

Notes: It's 100% Phantom Menace ... with Dragons :) Hey, this is Rauhnee writing, what did you expect; a Furry-free story?

Groveling many thank yous to Master Elayna who went *way* beyond the call of grammar beta duty helping me figure out Duck sex a little while ago, and listened to me whine and bitch though my latest writer's anxiety crisis. She's also the only reason this thing stayed in person and tense.

Thanks also to HiperBunny, for the beta, inspiration, and the reason I stay in the fandom when things get busy and I realize that 2/3 of my mail is SW and never read. Oh, and for telling me
this thing was 'SO COOL' after said beta.

Dixie, I know this isn't what you had in mind, but ...

| Seer Telepathy |

Through The Eyes of a Seer 1: Trikell's First Gift
by Rauhnee Ranshanka

:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: Tal'srt'a's sleeping den in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

Obi-Wan Kenobi. Qui-Gon Jinn. These are not names I would normally expect to dream of, for no Drakon would call their hatchling such a thing. I certainly would not expect to dream of
them so incessantly on the eve of our Most Holy Queen Mother's Fifth Millennium with her heir in some question.

But here I lay in my Septsilk and Mirrin-down lined nest night after night and dream of these two ... Humans. Jedi. Two souls in incredible pain by separation. Unable to speak the same
language or see the other for what he is, they fight side by side against the Great Darkness and do their best confronting the impossible. Then they face each other and their Light in understanding obliterates that Dark.

The Force wills me to be a matchmaker again. And it's not being all that subtle about it this time. I can taste the urgency and blunt power associated with this demand.

Now all I have to do is _find_ these two Jedi, and get them in bed. This had better not lead me off world. Jedi are harder to catch than flitbugs.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: Kundawren Gardens, Jedi Temple, Coruscant ::

My Master is alive. My competition is dead.

I almost cannot say which I am more thankful for.

For my Master's sake, I wish I could say in honesty that I was sorry to learn that Anakin died when he blew up the Trade Federation control ship, but I cannot. I am grateful to him for saving all of us. I wish him the best as part of the Force. I cannot grieve that he is no longer part of this world. That he is no longer a challenge to my place as Master Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan, a place I have always understood just how tenuous my hold on is.

For no matter what my Master said, I was not and am not ready for my Trials. The very fact that I can be glad for a child's death tells me this. For that, I would question my suitability to be
even a Jedi Padawan, but I have fought too hard and too long to have this braid. I will not surrender it without the demand from my Master, whether it be to my Knighting or my dismissal from the Jedi.

A demand he would have made by now if he was going to.

I almost wish he would, for either way, I could at least approach him with what I believe is in my soul. Even if he refused me, again, I have proven persistence can prevail on some level with
him. And I am nothing if not persistent.

Force, why must I desire the one creature in the universe that I find so impossible to understand?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: Great Library in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

"Yes, I know it is an odd request," I do my best to display my displeasure without actual fire. The books tend not to appreciate it, the bookkeepers even less. The small brilliant red male at the Central GalcNet Link has apparently not quite gotten the concept down that Seers may ask for anything, and get it quickly. But then I cannot expect one less than half a century old to be that well trained. Or maybe he's just not used to Seers as young as I am. "Just find their next assignment. I do not care how."

"Yyes Seer Tal'srt'a." Now I couldn't have frightened him that badly ...

"You're up early, Tala." The Queen Mother's deep voice chuckles behind me, explaining without words why the little one is so nervous. Her silver scales glisten in the predawn light,
reflecting in this world, the Force and her Aura. That five hundred-foot length, beautiful as it is, is intimidating even to me, despite my years of close association and deep knowledge. It's just plain hard not to be a little awed at a woman whose eye is nearly as big as you are, and the Red is half of my size.

"The Force Dreams have gotten very incessant, Queen Mother. I could not sleep." I glance over the Red's shoulder to see the Jedi's Central Database come up. He's quick. I must remember to patron this one as I can. The GalcNet is one thing I just don't get.

He pauses a bit before saying what I saw over his shoulder. "They are scheduled to come here, Seer, Queen Mother."

"Well, that will save you a trip off planet," she smiles. My hatred of travel is legend in the Spires after that fire-rant in the Throne Room. "It is good that I requested Jedi attendance beyond my own children."

"Yes, Queen Mother, it is very fortuitous." It also explains why the Force chose me for this.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master ::
:: His quarters, Trikell Royal Transport ::

I know why we have been assigned this mission.

My behavior recently has been strikingly ... unJedi. I know the Council suspects what I did and has contacts with the Seers of Trikell, ready to find the truth within me in a way they cannot. I am not likely to leave this mission a Jedi, and I will hold to my oath to die as one.

It is almost ... disturbing how calming that thought is. To be one with the Force, to be without the gut twisting agony that my life has become. Ever since that day I couldn't stop myself from
hearing my Padawan talking to another. The words still sear my soul, "there is no way in hell I'll ever let another man fuck me."

How could I have missed his disinterest in male lovers? I thought he'd taken them, but now I cannot recall a single name. I know he has not in the past six years.

And then, then I could not let go of my desire of him. I still cannot. It is inexcusable of me, to put myself above my Padawan, but I cannot help it. I have failed twice now. I will not allow
Obi-Wan to pay for my failings as Xanatos did. He deserves better than me, he deserves so much better. And Force as my witness, he will have it.

I cannot even claim insanity or touching the Dark as the cause of what I have done; killing a child and nearly destroying the most promising Jedi the Order has seen in generations. All I have is my own failing, and especially my failure to deal with myself before it went this far.

I must not fail again.

And if the Force judges me corrupt, I deserve it. At least Obi-Wan will survive and do well under another Master.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: The Seers Hall in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

As First Seer it is my duty to keep up with what the others See as well as my own visions. I have never been so grateful for that duty and right, as I am now. The Force is shrieking bloody
deathfire at us all. No Seer I have spoken too has ever heard of it being this volatile.

The doors are locked, and all are in attendance. It is time to begin. "Settle Sisters." I sink into my cushions and face the eight Seers; all larger, older, supposedly wiser than me. But the Force chose me as the First Seer, and they obey its wishes, and mine. For when all is said and done, it is the rainbow of our unity that brings the greatest power.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi." One voice sings out, calling the pieces of our puzzle together.

"Qui-Gon Jinn." Demands another.

"Jedi."

"Love." I call, feeling our power gather, coalesce, lock into this moment and all that comes with time.

"Master and Padawan." Our power begins seeking patterns within us and without.

"Need."

"Pain. Betrayal." Information begins to come in.

"Confusion. Misunderstanding. Death."

"DEATH."

"Self-kill." I can hear my own voice scream as the information tears through us almost too fast to understand.

"Death."

"Many, his, his, child, guilt. Misunderstanding. Sith. Child. The Child. Padawan follows Master." The babble is relentless.

"Love. Pain. Hate. Guilt."

"Death. His. Theirs. Child. Sith. Jedi. Coruscant. Jedi. Republic. Death. Darth. Deathdeathdeathdeath. Chosen death universal death."

"Death must stop."

"STOP." I can hear our nine voices roar together as our unity and connection shatters. We have what we need, if only we can make it happen. Assuming I can make myself move this week. I
hate doing this. My brain always feels like gutfire afterwards.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: His quarters, Trikell Royal Transport ::

I am worried about my Master, I cannot help it. He has withdrawn further than ever before, I can barely sense that he is alive.

I know losing Anakin distressed him, fighting the Sith disturbed him, and my actions recently have done nothing to alleviate this. Perhaps I am not the good little Padawan I try to be, but
I cannot help but feel all that has happened recently is not a cause so much as an accelerant.

Six years ago, on the rare occasion I could enter The Moment, I could clearly see our paths intertwined brightly farther than I could see, ever growing stronger in the Force and closer
together. It was this that made me determined to save something of myself for him. A silly gesture, maybe, but it was all I had to keep for him at the time. Did I make the wrong choice?
Should I have explored sex with a man before? It *can't* be that simple. But right after that choice, out paths grew dimmer, still intertwined, but so dim.

Now I look, and all the possibilities seem dark and short lived. One or two are brighter or longer, but not by much. I thought that it was going to be Naboo and the Sith that ended us. Now we are past that, but it is still dark. What can be worse than a Sith?

I am not looking forward to facing it, whatever it is.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: The Seers Hall in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

"Sisters," I wait for their attention. None of us feel very good right now. "Can we agree on what we have leaned?"

"We have learned that the Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Qui-Gon Jinn love each other but do not know it." Xan'ta'man'ki'ta opens wearily. Sometimes I envy her her size and the acceptability of walking on four legs it brings.

Her younger sister picks up the thread. "One will kill himself, causing the other to follow and great trouble for all."

"The suicidal one is likely Master Qui-Gon." By'ny'mu added. "Padawan follows Master and the universe follows them both."

"Yes," I agree. "There is a child, a misunderstanding and great guilt involved as well. I believe we should guard this Qui-Gon well while he is here, a Seer and a Guardian at all times. I will speak with him and his Padawan when the time is right."

"How do you intend to approach them?" Xan'ta'man'ki'ta voices the question I know they all hold.

"As bluntly as I can."

There are weary approving nods around the circle.

"As my grandsire was fond of saying about trouble," I push myself to two feet shakily. "Not on my shift. I will speak to the Queen Mother of this."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: Spaceport at the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

I am glad that we are just part of the group this time, the eldest Drakon Jedi, Master Ty'thri'ku'mo Mython is handling all the formalities, we just have to bow and move when appropriate.

Master is definitely not paying appropriate attention to the situation. He seem far too focused on that group of nine very bright eyed Drakons with their great wings folded over their shoulders to look like gossamer capes. They're a variety of colors, but all their manes are dark blue -- females.

The significance of this group, I haven't a clue. But it's very important to him, and his focus is disturbing. _Their_ focus is even morose. The smallest of them, a deep blue with the brightest eyes, I swear she is looking right through me, understanding every thought I have before it materializes.

And the Force signatures here ...

I've sparred, meditated, even had sex with a Drakon, but they were all Jedi Drakons. Now I understand what Imm'is'at meant by Jedi Force feeling odd at first. The Force resonates very
strongly here, and especially in those nine bright eyed Drakon females, but ... it ... it's like it's a different frequency or something. It's Force, but it's not the Force I know, not quite.

There is a lot that is not in the datafile about this world.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: Spaceport at the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

Here they come, the only two non-Drakons in the group. Qui-Gon is the taller one with the long mane of brown and silver. Obi-Wan must be the other, he looks so young with his mane cropped like that.

The Master is definitely the suicidal one; his deathwish energy ripples around him in an angry storm, muted only by the intense grief at its core. There is almost no life-energy left in him. This is going to be harder than I thought.

At least the Padawan seems to be in better condition. There is confusion and many fears, but no interest in leaving this life. I will start with him. His Light may be the only thing that can reach his Master at this point.

Hmmm, I'm sure it is.

I'm glad it is nearly night, I can approach Obi-Wan when they separate for their rest. By'ny'mu and Tr'ayth'am are to guard his Master for this shift. I hope he does not take too great an offense at this.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: His quarters in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

I must say I was a little surprised to find my bed to be a nest of silk ribbons and down feathers, but considering where I've sleep in just the past few weeks, it's very nice, if a touch hard to get covered up in. Not that the weather is that bad, even at this altitude.

I've almost gotten comfortable for the third time when the scratching of claw-backs is at my window again. Discourteous or not, I just use the Force to open the window and project my voice enough to be heard, "I appreciate your interest but I am just not interested in a bed partner right now if you don't mind."

"Have the hatchlings been bothering you?" A female voice chuckles in the night just outside. I can feel her Force signature -- it's the brightest eyed, dark blue female from the Greeting Ceremony.

"I'm sorry, I ..." I try to haul my uncooperative body out of its warm place.

"Stay, Obi-Wan." She half-orders as she hops in and curls along the foot of my nest. "We must talk, of very serious things." Her eyes glitter with pure Force-power and knowledge. I swear she's looking right through me again.

"Do you know who or what I am?" She's lounging, her slender tail is curled around her legs and almost up to my shoulder along the nest's edge. Her forearms tucked into her ribs at the elbow and her serpentine neck is stretched up to look me in the face.

"I'm afraid not. I know you were among a group of nine females at the Greeting Ceremony."

"Very well, we will start there," she smiles. I think it's a smile at least, she seems pleased and a little more relaxed. "My name is Tal'srt'a Mython, I believe you know my cousin, Ty'thri'ku'mo."

I nod, how could I not know him? One of the only Jedi older than Yoda, and still a field operative. And almost impossible to miss with his shimmering black scales, nearly hundred foot length and wingspan two and a half times that. He's impressive to say the least.

"I am First Seer to The Queen Mother, a position of great power and responsibility. I am such at my age because of my gifts for foreseeing the future and what can be done to change it, and the Will of the Force.

"The Will of the Force, right now, amounts to fixing your Master's head."

She can't be serious.

"I am serious," her tail is flicking a little. "I've been having nightmares for weeks about you two, as have my Sister Seers -- the eight others you saw me with. This is serious enough that we
have placed a Seer and Guardian to watch your Master at all times to prevent any suicide attempts until this is resolved. It is _that_ serious."

She can't be serious, but Force help me, I know it's true. I can feel it resonate though us like nothing I've experienced.

"Now, let's start with you."

"Me?"

"Well, you're half of this puzzle. Tell me what you feel for Qui-Gon Jinn."

"I love him," the words are out before I can stop them. I can't help but suspect that Tal'srt'a has something to do with my sudden willingness to say it again.

"What do you think Qui-Gon feels for you?" There's a sharpness in her eyes that's a bit unnerving.

"I'm not sure."

"Okay, same question, different words. Do you think Qui-Gon loves you, as in a potential mate?"

"No."

"Do you think he could?"

"Possibly. What is the point of this?" I do not like the turn this is taking. I don't like this at all.

"Finding out where you stand. I know what must happen to avoid the Darkness that is coming. I need to know where we are to figure out how to get there."

"All right," I can't help but sigh. "What else do you want?"

"What _won't_ you do to help Qui-Gon. Answer carefully."

There's something in her expression that says I may not like the results of the only thing I can say; "anything." But it is true, I will do anything for my Master. Anything at all, even if I hate myself for it later.

"Then wait here until I summon you. Answer not even to your Master, for he is _not_ going to like what I am about to do, to save us all."

She just had to ask that. "I will do my best, but ..."

"We are going to show him the truth he already knows, and denies in his confusion and pain. He will face the Force in all its forms, and understand."

I have to ask. "And if he doesn't ..."

"That is not an option. This is not do or die, it is simply *do*." She watches me for a moment, I suppose judging my true willingness and slips out the window, wings wide as soon as she clears the wall.

The Force leads, I will follow. It's hardly the first time I've done something I didn't like in its name.

So much for a simple birthday party.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
:: Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master ::
:: His quarters in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

I have felt their eyes on me since we arrived. Force-seeing, Force-enhanced, Force-be-damned.

It's made it quite impossible to meditate, though, truthfully I have not tried very hard.

One Seer and another Drakon has not been more than a hundred paces from me once we disembarked. It is most aggravating, though they are good about making themselves ... less than
obvious. I do not understand, if the Council wished me under house arrest, why send me from the ... Oh. Because they do not wish for whatever this will become to sully those hallowed halls.

I suppose it is for the best.

It is well past dark in these high mountains, the royal palace of the Drakon. I hear one of my guards' voice for the first time. "It is time," she is speaking quietly, I suspect to the female next to her on the roof outside my window. Even I can hear the resigned dread in her tone.

Whatever this is, I will face it as a Jedi Master. I will not disgrace the Order or my Padawan any more than I already have.

The Seer opens the great door without knocking, I'm sure she is well aware that I have known of her watch and that she spoke, but I do not rise from my meditative pose to great her.

"Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, First Seer of The Queen Mother has requested your presence in the Seers Hall. Please come with us."

"Of course, Seer." I have little choice about following them, as this Seers Hall is one of the few places in the Spires that I don't know exactly how to reach.

She turns to give me room to leave, and the well-matched pair, Green and Purple, escort me to this tower's primary landing. The wind nips at my nose as they walk me to the edge, even with a
touch of Force, I cannot see the bottom.

"Please lay on my back and hold on to my mane or neck," the Seer draws my attention. "The Seers Hall can only be reached by flight, it is my duty to see you there."

"I understand," Though I have my doubts that a Drakon barely twice my height could lift me to the tower she is looking at.

"And the Force decreed through the First Queen Mother that all will fly and bear the load that is required of them." My second guard intones in a way that must come from their scriptures.

But she says something of the truth as I feel the Force gather around us, aiding the Seer I am holding on to lift us gracefully to that particular tower.

I do not like what I see on the way. Nearly forty Drakons are airborne with us, circling the tower. I recognize every single Drakon Jedi, all sixteen of them, among the flyers. There are
several Seers as well by their Force signatures.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: The Seers Hall in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

This is not going to be pleasant.

I can feel it in the Force and in his posture when By'ny'mu leaves him standing in the center of the room and takes her place along the shadowed outer walls with us.

"Greetings Qui-Gon Jinn," I draw his attention to the shadow I am in. "I am the First Seer of The Queen Mother. By the Will of the Force I have called you to attend this Celant Ceremony under the full Sisterhood of the Queen Mother's Seers."

He stands very quietly, bathed in the small circle of light in the center of the room. If I couldn't see him for what he is, I would believe this was a perfect Jedi Master. He certainly fakes it well. The ease with which he accepts this is not good.

"Do you understand what that means?" I finally prompt him.

"It is a truth-finding ceremony, based on the Force." He replies far too calmly. "I understand, and I submit to it."

I can _see_ the Force swirl around him, chaotic ... wrong. Ah.

I reach out for my Sisters, feel them reaching for each other, forming a web of Truth-Force around all of us, centered on the human and me. And the strain as it begins to drain each of us,
rip us apart with the power we draw. No lie, not even one believed, can exist in the spoken word while we can maintain the field. And I can hear the unspoken ones.

It is time. And there is little of it.

"Qui-Gon Jinn." I raise my voice with my body, it is odd to hear it resonate with the power of all of us. The urgency in this is electric as he sinks to his knees. "Do you love Obi-Wan Kenobi as a mate would."

"Yes." He does not even try to hide his shame, but ... there is no shame at this, but something related.

"Do you seek your own death?"

He fights us for a moment before speaking "Yes."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, stand by Qui-Gon Jinn if that is your desire in life." He barely looks my direction before joining his Master. It's ... amazing how much brighter the Force sings with them together, even just standing in the same room. But the Dark disturbance is not weaker.

It's not exactly standard procedure, but this is hardly a standard event. The effect is rather startling on his Master; I can feel the fear radiating off him, then shame, guilt, acceptance and a deep wish for death.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, do you love Qui-Gon Jinn as a mate would?"

"Yes." There is no shred of hesitation in him.

Qui-Gon looks up, totally confused. A memory flickers to the surface of the Force-net, stretching our limits. It's powerful enough to form a dim image for all of us to see with eyes as well as minds.

Obi-Wan speaking to another, "there is no way in hell I'll ever let another man fuck me." Then Qui-Gon's guilt surges to obliterate the fragile illusion.

"Master, please tell me that this is not what has caused you so much pain." Obi-Wan is clearly begging, pain and guilt flaring in him as well.

"One thing," I can feel him fight the pull of the Force-truth, fight it hard.

And the cost is going to be high. Already one Sister has lost touch with her body.

"Master, hear me. Know that I cannot lie here and now. Six years ago I said, 'Because I love my Master, there is no way in hell I'll ever let another man fuck me.' I was putting an end to a persistent attempt to get me in bed with the one thing that would work, the truth. I have been waiting for my Knighthood to approach you. It hasn't been an easy wait. I doubt it will get any easier."

"You don't have to wait," Qui-Gon's voice is barely a whisper as Temple law and tradition swirl around us. "I do, but you don't."

"Do you love me, Master? As a lover might?"

"Every way I can. Yes, I love you."

"Then why do you still seek your own death?" I grab hold of the fact that though the pair is together, the Death-echoes have not gone from him, and we can ill afford to maintain this net for
much longer.

He struggles much more, but on some level, he obviously wants resolution. It is very strange, even not knowing him, I can feel how wrong this level of honesty is to him. How can creatures
exist like that? "I have failed. Both my Padawans, my own honor as a Jedi, a child that trusted me is dead because of my words, words spoken because I could not be the Master and Jedi I have to be."

Memories flicker up at random.

Altering a blood sample reading in a desert night.

Turning on Obi-Wan, trying to send him away because the pain was too great.

Standing before the Jedi Council and claiming the impossible in hope of being turned out himself.

A dark haired child slowly turning Dark and nothing done to stop it -- the Truth-Force called to falsehood, guilt warping an old memory from its foundation.

| Hold on Sisters. |

| I cannot. | One replies, slipping into complete connection with the Force around us. It gives us the power we need, but Force what a price.

Obi-Wan, to his credit, stays silent at his Master's side through this all.

"Beyond death, what will ease this guilt?" I force the words out in the painful silence.

"I ..." he drifts into silence. Not even the Force seems to know this answer when the child does.

"Master," Obi-Wan touches his face. "Understand this. I will follow you; as Padawan, as Knight, as Master, as civilian, as Sith, as _ghost_. As anything we become. I do not care. If
death is what must clean your soul enough to accept my love, I have no problem with it. This is a beautiful world full of the Living Force. I can think of few places that could be a better choice."

"No. No, Obi-Wan, you cannot die." Qui-Gon shakes his head. "You have a great destiny in the Jedi. The Sith ..."

"Then understand. I. Will. Follow. You. Anywhere. As. Anything."

Qui-Gon knelt in silence for a long moment, "I understand."

"Good," I keen the break. Two sisters for the universe.

| Fair trade. We will be back. | I hear them call as the last strands dissipate and they flee to their new bodies.

Maybe.

"Go to your rooms, we must rest."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: Qui-Gon's quarters in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::

"Master, we must discus this." I barely wait for Fry'Tu'ma'ka to get out of hearing after he dropped us off at my Master's balcony. I have no doubt they expect us to stay together for a
while after that ... whatever that was beyond disturbingly enlightening. "What do you see as our future?"

"I have not seen a future for us in many years, Obi-Wan." He turns away from me, settling into a meditative position. "I no longer know what I saw as our future."

"Then, my Master, what have you dreamed of between us?" Persistence Obi-Wan, persistence will get everyone through this. That and perhaps the ceremony will have a small residual effect.
"For it is very apparent knowledge of that has survived."

That earns me a sharp look, then a shallow nod as he focuses elsewhere. "It is your right to know." He does not look at all comfortable doing this. I guess I can't blame him, though. "I
have dreamed of us being lovers, Bonded, and Partnered Jedi so that our paths may never part."

Well, I can't fault him for small dreams at least, and Force be praised on what they are. "I share that dream, that we are lovers, Bonded and Partnered, never separated."

"But you still refuse to ask me." I can feel his unease at treading so close to this law.

"Master," I hope I emphasize the title enough. "As long as I am your Padawan, I cannot know with absolute certainty how much of what I feel is truly in my heart and how much is enhanced by the bond we already share. Try to understand, I love you, I desire you, but I am unwilling to enter into a relationship with you until I know for certain how much is real. I care about you and
myself too much to enter into this blindly. I know I would not survive learning that I did not love you enough to make it work if I had already laid with you, possibly for years."

"You have thought about this a great deal, Obi-Wan."

I nod, though I sense no true approval from him. "Often, since I was fourteen and first recognized my feelings for what they might be."

"Is it truly so terrible to ..." he closes his eyes, I can almost feel the Force vibrate with his attempt to reach his center.

"Master, Qui-Gon, if my feelings are true, they will survive my Knighting. If they are not enough, I will know it then."

"How?" Pure disbelief is encrusted in that single word.

"Because I loved Imm'is'at and Cali-Mira as well, but I did not love them enough to stay with them. I am not willing to make that mistake with you." Please, Force, let him understand this
concept.

"I see." His voice is low, heavy with pain.

I hate to see him like this, but there is nothing I can do.

"I will meditate now, Padawan, to see the wisdom of your choice. I will keep my word."

"Yes, Master." This is not going to be a pleasant few years, but I see no other choices. I too will meditate on this in my quarters, for it is very clear you cannot handle my company just now.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:: Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master ::
:: His quarters, Trikell Royal Transport ::

Two more lives bright in the Force are gone because of me. I know they thought to conceal the Seers' deaths from me, but I felt them flee the Hall just after Obi-Wan pulled me out and to the waiting senior Drakon that took us back to my rooms.

He is so much stronger than I am. I can feel the strength of his desire, but it seems nothing to him to deny it even longer.

Force grant me the strength to match him. To keep my word this one time.

End: Trikell's First Gift...