Title: My Soul's Best Part

Author/Pseusonym: Tinnean

Fandom: Them!

Pairing: Ben Petersen/Bob Graham

Rating: NC-17

Status: New/Complete

Archive: yes, just let me know

Series/sequel: sequel to Sometimes the Dragon Wins

Disclaimers: These characters belong to the movie studio that gave birth to them (sorry can't remember which one). They're not mine, but I thought they could use a break after what they've gone through.

Notes: I watched this 1954 movie again after years, and was suddenly struck by the slash potential. This is one of those man screws up the earth type movies.

Summary: The final confrontation with the giant ants. Bob guards his heart too well. All things must end.

Warning: m/m sex, language, spoilers for the movie

"Can I forget the night that gave my soul's best part forever to the grave?"
-Gray

A Door Into a New World
Episode 6: My Soul's Best Part
by Tinnean

I woke up in the FBI man's bed, my arms wrapped around him, nuzzling the fine hairs at the nape of his neck. If I could only get through the wall he had build around himself. "Bobby..."

"No. I...this is as far as it goes, Ben. Once this thing with the ants is finished, then *we're* finished!"

"Why won't you give me a chance? Doesn't how I can make you feel in bed count for anything? Is it all the men I've fucked? I swear I'm through with that! You'll be the only one in my life!"

"Leopards can't change their spots, Ben. Sooner or later you'll grow bored with fidelity and start looking at other men. And its not only you. *I* can't deal with this, with *us*! My family, my friends, my job, I'd be trading all of that for you."

I felt as if something inside me was shriveling up and dying. "I see. And you don't think I'm worth it. Fine!" I rolled over and got out of bed.

"Ben..."

"Put a stone on it, Graham and get dressed! Like General James said, this is going to be a hell of a day."

It was the day from hell, thanks to those goddamned, fucking ants. It was filled with anxiety and tension and simmering passion as well.

And that was thanks to the man I loved.

I had nothing more to say to Bob. In spite of the fantastic sex I'd given him the night before, he believed...I don't know *what* he believed, but I *do* know it wasn't that I loved him. For some reason he couldn't, or wouldn't accept the fact that I spoke the truth.

And goddamn it, I had my pride! I didn't have to go begging some tight-assed FBI agent to love me. He was just a neophyte, a rank amateur when it came to the game of love! Whereas I've gotten any guy I wanted, just by looking interested!

I didn't need Bob! I would be back to my tom-cattin' ways in the blink of an eye!

Just as soon as I got over the big guy. And it wouldn't take me too long to do that, either.

Only about fifty or a hundred years.

****

Dr. Medford, Pat and the two generals were already at the command post by the time we got there. Bob walked over to Pat and kissed her on the cheek. His stride was so stiff, I would have sworn he had a roll of quarters up his ass. It took a conscious act of will to tear my eyes from him.

To find that Pat was watching me with dawning awareness. I bit off a curse and turned away, but not before I saw her regarding the FBI man's swollen lip with unconcealed interest. The last thing I wanted was to screw up Bob's life. If his superiors in D.C. ever discovered he had developed a preference for his own sex, he's be bounced out on that ass I admired so greatly.

Meanwhile, General James was giving the beautiful entomologist an extensive and thorough once-over. General O'Brien frowned as he observed the army man's appraisal. He draped his arm possessively over Pat's shoulders and pulled her close to his body.

Pat was so focused on the problem at hand that she had no idea the two male's were ready to square off over her. Her attention was riveted on the city grid that displayed the miles of storm drain that ran under Los Angeles, pointing out possibilities to her father.

Dr. Medford was aware, however. The old rogue rubbed his hands in delight. Bob might no longer be a contender in the marriage stakes, but here were two fine specimens of potent male! Whoever his daughter wound up with was immaterial to him. She might be unconcerned with starting a family, but he wanted her to settle down and produce a brood of little scientists.

And he wanted her to do that while he was still alive to enjoy them!

He smiled and turned back to the map, calling the two military men to join them. He made sure Pat was between their toned bodies. They might be generals, but they were both in excellent physical shape. Dark brown eyes dueled with fierce blue ones until Pat unwittingly made the choice by leaning against General O'Brien.

Well, that settled her love life. Now if I could only do something about mine!

Bob was dressed in fatigues, and it was all I could do not to swallow my tongue. He settled a steel helmet over his light brown hair and strapped a pistol to his trim waist. "Colonel Kibby and I are taking the first set of drains. General James will be traveling with you. Keep your dick in your pants, okay, hot shot?"

I grabbed his arm. "Are you jealous, College boy?"

He stared pointedly at his arm but I refused to release him. Then he seemed to surrender and sighed. "Yes, I'm jealous. We're all wrong for each other, but I can't bear the thought of you being with someone else."

"You're the only one I want!"

"Right."

I dropped Bob's arm as if I was burned. I was *his* dammit! Why didn't he realize that?

He turned on his heel, his experience in the military evident in the fluid motion of his body. Colonel Kibby joined him, gave me a tight smile. They took a jeep and headed out to examine the storm drain Pat thought might be a likely site for the nest.

And I was left standing there with my dick in my hand.

'You *stupid*, *fucking* idiot!' I castigated myself, weary beyond belief. 'Did you really expect better from a college boy? Did you think he'd bring you home to meet Mom and Dad?'

Well, yes. I *had* thought that... hoped that.

I couldn't believe I had left myself open for such hurt! All these years, in the Navy, on the State force, I had protected my heart, knowing there was more out there, but not willing to risk reaching for it.

A soft touch on my arm jerked me out of the funk I had tumbled into. I pulled myself together. "Right, Pat! I'm good to go. Who's my partner?"

"My guess would be Bob!" Her eyes were so compassionate I had to bite my lip to keep it from quivering. "No, don't say anything. I only *look* as if I couldn't hold two thoughts together. Listen Ben. Bob is a good man, and he's worth fighting for."

"You didn't seem to think so!"

"It just didn't work out between us, Ben. And considering how he seems to feel about you, I guess now I can figure out why. Don't let him go. He needs to be loved so badly."

"And you think I'm a likely candidate for that?" I laughed harshly. "I wish he thought so, but he's already pushing me out of his life. Why would he want a New Mexico State police sergeant when there are high-ranking men in the FBI and the armed forces who would kill for a taste of him? And don't you think he knows that?"

"And men say women are emotional!" Pat shook her head and turned away as General O'Brien approached us. "Hi, Bob," she said softly, her eyes caressing his well-muscled torso.

General James watched them morosely, and suddenly I felt much better.

The General was my partner, not only in this bug hunt, but in the misery that kept us company as well. We got into our jeep and began scouting the drains, searching for any sign that the ants, or the two little boys were nearby.

And then I caught a whiff of an odor that caused my gut to tighten. "Stop the jeep!" I ordered in a harsh whisper as I fought back the urge to vomit. I was out of the vehicle and ghosting cautiously toward a join in the drain. General James had the sense to let me search out the terrain alone.

"Petersen?" The General was getting nervous.

"Oh, God, formic acid!" I sprinted back to the jeep to get the chart. My hands were shaking as I spread it out over the hood. "Radio Dr. Medford! Let him know where we are and tell him there's a strong smell of formic acid in this drain!"

I was trying to trace the line when the General came back. "They're converging on this site. They want us to wait until they get here!" Carefully he examined the schematic I was following. "It's 267."

"Huh?"

"This drain. It's 267. They're still working on it, and there are work lights rigged up the whole length of it!"

"Well, there is a God! Tell them to get the lights turned on!" I pulled a flame thrower from the back of the jeep and strapped it on. It's weight was comforting. "You wait here, Sir! Tell them which way I've gone. I'm going to look for those boys!" I paused for one brief moment. "If anything should happen to me...tell Bob Graham I meant every word I said to him!"

"You can't..." He grabbed my arm.

"Move it, or lose it, General!" I said shortly, glaring down at his hand. If I didn't act soon, I'd fall apart. I was so scared I wanted to be anyplace else but there.

"Petersen!"

I turned sharply from him and began to make my way to the joining drain. The odor was almost overpowering, and I put a hand over my mouth and nose and began breathing shallowly.

And then I heard that sound, that high-pitched scree, scree, scree and the muzzle of the flame thrower slipped in my sweaty palm. I needed two hands to hold it, and when I took my hand away from my nose, the smell washed over me.

Brood odor! I had to be near the egg chamber!

"General, tell them I'm getting a strong brood odor, like in the nest in New Mexico!" I called back as I edged on down the tunnel. "Mike! Jerry! Are you there, boys?"

I held my breath and heard nothing. And then, 'Here! We're in here!"

My breath hitched in my chest and I closed my eyes and breathed a silent, "Thank you God!" I was so relieved. "It's all right, Mike. It's all right, Jerry! We're going to get you out of there! Just stay put!"

"Hurry! Please hurry!" I could hear the terror in the little boy's voice.

"I'm on my way, Mike!"

"I'm Jerry!" The reply was almost reproachful, and I gave a snort of laughter. He was a scrapper, and his quick thinking had kept him and his younger brother alive for over twenty-four hours.

"Sorry, Jerry. Hold on tight, I'm on my way!"

The drain turned once more and the join became narrow and low and I was down crawling on my belly. For about twenty feet I inched my way forward. It felt as if I was crawling inside Jonah's whale, it was so dark.

And then wonder of wonders, the lights went on! Just a few feet in front of me was the end of the tube. I edged forward until I was able to get a clear view of the chamber below me.

Twisted metal rods, slag heaps of broken concrete, loose sand. And there in the corner, cowering away from one of the larger ants, were the two Lodge boys. "Don't move until I say!" I ordered them as I eased the weapon into position.

"Okay, now!"

The boys scrambled out of the way and I triggered the flame thrower. The screeching reached a crescendo and then abruptly ceased as the ant collapsed and died, its appendages crisping. I swung my legs around and got my feet out of the tunnel and dropped to the floor of the chamber.

Still in a crouch, I scanned the large area. I could hear the ants, but I could see none. I bolted across the open space and got to the boys.

"You kids okay?" I asked as I gave them a quick pat down to make sure everything was in working order.

They nodded. Mike, the younger one, looked shame-faced as he ducked his head. "I threw up all over myself!" he whispered. "I was so scared!"

I put my arms around him and gathered him close, then pulled his brother into the hug as well. "It's all right, Mike. I want to toss my cookies myself every time I see one of these big babies!"

"You do?" The thought that an adult could lose his lunch when confronting the ants seemed to give him some consolation.

"How about you, Jerry? How are you?"

"I wanted to throw up, but I had to be strong for Mike. Daddy would have wanted me to!"

"Yes, he would, son. And your Dad would have been so proud of you."

"Is he...? His eyes were frightened, and I knew he didn't want to ask the question.

"We'll talk about that later. Right now your Mom is really worried about you. What do you say I get you back to her?"

Jerry buried his head in my shoulder and I could feel the material grow damp as he silently wept. He wasn't stupid. He had seen all that blood, and he knew his father hadn't made it.

The ear-piercing sound of an approaching ant had the three of us spinning around toward the direction it came from. "Okay, boys, time for all good little scouts to make like an egg and beat it!

I hustled them over to the opening of the drain and hoisted up Mike. The weight of the flame thrower encumbered me too much, and I had to put him down and wriggle out of the harness.

I could hear the ant somewhere behind us.

The boys were whimpering in fear. Escape was so close, but so was the ant. I boosted Mike back up to safety and then reached for Jerry, glancing frantically over my shoulder.

It loomed up, filling my vision, as big as the world, and I bit back a whimper of my own.

"C'mon, Jerry, let's get you up there with your brother!" I tried to keep my voice even, but my mouth was so dry I could hardly get a word out. Mike reached down to grab his brother's wrists and pull. "That's the boy, Mike. Pull hard. Jerry, here you go!"

The small boy toppled backwards as his brother catapulted onto him. They were safely out of harm's way.

I ducked down to pick up the flame thrower when the cement wall I was facing shattered and exploded, shards striking my face, narrowly missing my eyes. A piece sliced my forehead and blood poured out, obscuring my vision, but not enough that I couldn't see the huge mandibles draw back for another blow.

My hands were trembling as I aligned the weapon and managed to pull the trigger. A stream of flame rolled toward the ant, engulfing it. The chamber was suddenly silent except for the crackling of fire as the creature roasted.

I dropped the flame thrower and jumped up to catch the lip of the opening. My toes scrabbled for a foothold and I began to chin myself up to the shelter of the drain. Blood dripped into my eyes and I tried to clear my sight by mopping it up on my shoulder.

The boys' shrill cries rang in my ears, but I resolutely ignored them. Just a couple of feet now, just a little bit farther.

And then something closed around my ribs and began to squeeze. The blood rushed to my head and a haze of pain blinded me. It was so great I couldn't even scream a protest. *Not now*, not when I had finally found the one man I had spent my entire life looking for!

It was becoming harder and harder to breathe as the pressure on my ribcage increased.

A shout of rage pierced the cloud that was enveloping my senses, and the rat-tat-tat of a machine gun vied with the ant's high-pitched screeches.

And then there was just the sound of the burp gun as the ant died and the mandibles went slack, releasing me. I dropped to the floor of the chamber, waves of pain washing over me.

"Ben!" Somehow, Bob was there. "The boys, Ben!"

"Safe," I choked out around a mouthful of blood. I spit it out and winced as I tried to breathe. "Up there."

The boys were looking down from what seemed like a million miles away. Bob switched on his radio. "The boys are safe. Tell Mrs. Lodge we have them. And get me a goddamned medic!" He left the channel open.

"You forgot to say 'over,'" I laughed weakly.

"Ben, you're going to be all right!"

"Don't think so, big guy. That was one huge, fucking ant! I think I'm about ready to buy the farm!"

"No, you can't die! I WON'T LET YOU DIE! BEN!"

I opened my eyes. It couldn't be raining, we were underground. Another drop fell on my lips, and I could taste the salt.

Tears. "Bobby, 'sokay. I love you, big guy. Never lied to you about that. I lo..." It was too difficult to speak. And I was so tired. I'd just sleep for a little while. When I woke up, I'd find some way to make him believe me. I'd...

****

The two figures stood in the doorway of the hospital room. "You'll make sure he gets my message?" Bob was saying to Pat.

"As soon as he comes to. You know he's doing much better now. The doctors are confident he'll make a complete recovery. Are you sure you don't want to stay and give him the message yourself?"

"No. There's no future for us, with me in Washington and him in New Mexico. You can't have a bi-coastal relationship. It just can't be done!"

"I think you're just too afraid of your feelings to give it a chance." She held up her hand to forestall his protest. "I'm won't try to argue you into anything Bob. Just do me a favor: remember how you felt with me, and then remember how *he* made you feel." She reached up to kiss his cheek.

The FBI agent looked torn, twisting his hat in his hands. "It's better this way Pat, believe me. Whatever we might have between us, it just wouldn't work. Can you see how my father would react if I brought him home to dinner? Can you imagine how J. Edgar would respond if I took him to a company function? No, I can't do this!"

He walked over to the bed. The hand placed limply on the covers was losing its tan. Bob touched it, then took it in his own hand and raised it to his lips. He pressed a brief kiss to the palm and closed Ben's fingers over it. "I do love you, Ben. I know it doesn't look like it, but I do. Take care of yourself" He leaned over and kissed the pale forehead, marred with scars
that would be a while fading.

"Pat." There wasn't anything left to say. He returned her kiss and left the room. She listened until she could no longer hear his footsteps.

General O'Brien joined her. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

She rubbed his cheek gently. "You're a dear, Bob. Can you get him reinstated at the Bureau?"

The General smiled and put his arm around her shoulders. "There's no need for me to do that. Haven't you been reading the papers? He's a national hero! Hoover won't dare deny him a promotion. The President has already announced his plans to honor Graham with the Congressional Medal of Merit! Hollywood wants to make a movie about the whole thing!"

Pat shook her head and smiled tolerantly. "That's the most amazing aspect of this terrible, horrible experience! A movie!"

"Well, we can relax about it now, but it really was a close call. You found those queens hatching out just in time to destroy the whole egg chamber. One more day..."

"Yes." She shuddered. "Don't think about it, Bob. It didn't happen."

"No, it didn't." He drew a deep breath. "So, when are you going to marry me?"

****

I was miserable. I thought with enough time, enough space, I'd get over Ben. But it was almost a year later, and it constantly surprised me that I could walk around without a heart. Apparently, I had left mine in a Los Angeles hospital room.

J. Edgar hadn't been too happy to see me back at the Bureau. He *still* didn't understand that I would say nothing about what had happened.

President Eisenhower was so pleased with my performance, and how it reflected on the Bureau and his administration, that I was reinstated, with a raise and a promotion, and all lost back pay!

And J. Edgar watched it all with a sick smile on his face.

He was back to giving me the tough assignments no one else could handle, but
that was all right with me. I didn't have much to live for anyway.

I had just returned from the latest investigation, this one in Alaska. An unidentified flying object was reported to have crashed and sunk into the ice, and it’s pilot had been recovered. He? It? Whatever it was had somehow managed to survive.

According to the small band of scientists and military personnel who were stranded at the base by severe weather, they had been under some kind of assault. Dr. Carrington, the chief scientist, had suffered injuries from the attack.

Actually, the injuries he sustained were caused by me, when he tried getting closer to me than I liked. Since Ben, there had been no one, neither female nor male, in my life. Or in my bed.

My arm had been broken when I tripped over my own feet, during the final confrontation with whatever had piloted the craft.

Of course, human know-how had triumphed, and Earth was once again safe for all mankind!

****

So, now I was back in D.C., my feet up on an ottoman, a scotch on the rocks in my good hand. I was scheduled to get a partner, the first time I had ever been assigned one, and I was in a generally sour mood.

All I wanted was Ben. I figured I had fucked that up so royally, I could kiss any chance of having him again good-bye.

But I was getting desperate. As soon as the cast came off my arm, I planned on flying back to New Mexico to see if there was anything I could do to win him back.

I lost myself in my favorite daydream, the one where I wasn't such a coward and took Ben back to Washington with me. The one where he let me fuck him, sliding my cock into his ass and stroking him as he had often stroked me, making him beg and plead, until he cried out with fulfillment.

I was hard, and I put down my drink to do something about it, when there was a soft knock on my door. "Fuck!"

"Bob? It's Pat! Let me in?"

What did Pat want? She had let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she was most unhappy with my behavior toward the New Mexico cop. I wasn't in the mood to get chewed out.

Unless Ben was doing the chewing.

For a moment, I sat silently, hoping she would think no one was home. Then, "I *know* you're in there, Robert Arthur Graham! Now let me in!"

When Pat used my full name, it didn't pay to try to fight her: she meant business. I sighed and went to the door. "Hi, there, Pat!" I said, a false smile pasted on my face and jocularity in my voice.

"You look like hell!" Never one to mince words, Our Pat.

"And I love you too!"

"No, you don't. You never did! You're still pining for that cop out in New Mexico!"

"That's my affair, I believe," I said shortly. "Why are you here, Pat? I thought you and the General were on your honeymoon."

Her face glowed. She had never looked like that when she was keeping company with me.

"We were. We are. I just had to stop by and see you. How is everything going with you, Bob?"

I shrugged and picked up my drink. "Want one?" I offered.

"No, I shouldn't have any."

"You're not pregnant are you?"

She looked affronted. "Of course not! I have a very important seminar I am giving tomorrow and I will need to be extremely alert!"

"Oh. So, if I'm not about to be an uncle by proxy, what, exactly, did you have to see me about?"

"Well, J. Edgar wanted you to meet your new partner."

"Now? It couldn't wait until my wing heals?"

"Listen, Bob Graham!"

Hmm, she was still angry, but not as much as before.

"Dad went to a lot of trouble to get this guy transferred into the Bureau, and he had to pull even more strings to have him assigned as your partner. *I* had to spend a lot of time tutoring him so he could graduate with the rest of his class! So a little appreciation on *your* part would be nice!"

"Oh, really? Why? Why should I be so excited about a partner, especially since I don't want one, and I don't need one?"

Pat went to the door and flung it open with a flourish.

"Bobby."

The glass fell from my hand.

He stood there, dark, curly hair, and blue, blue eyes, crushing his hat in his hands.

The door closed quietly behind Pat, but neither of us noticed.

We were locked in each other's arms.


End