Title: The Cost Of Duty

Fandom: Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea

Author: Hayley

Rating: ? Not sure, sex but no violence. Angst but no death.

Pairing: Nelson/Crane

Archive: If you want to.

Notes: Please, I'm sensitive, if you don't like it just go on to the next posting and don't post any rude stuff.

By Hayley

Commander Lee Crane and his Executive Officer Chip Morton were relaxing in Crane's office at the Nelson Institute of Marine Research. Seaview had just returned the day before from a two month cruise and Lee and Chip were enjoying a coffee and a few quiet moments before tackling the paperwork piled on each of their desks.

"So what are your plans for this leave, Chip?" Asked Crane. "Even if it takes a couple of days to clear your desk you'll still have five or six days before you need to be back here."

"I've promised my mum to take a couple of days visiting her and dad and then I'm hoping to meet Jamie in San Francisco and we're planning to go east into the mountains to do some camping and fishing. Jamie claims to know lots of great fishing holes up that way."

"Sounds relaxing. You and Jamie eh?" Crane raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"He's just a good friend, Lee." said Morton, although inside he was hoping he and Will Jamieson, Seaview's Chief Medical Officer, would one day be more than friends. "What about you? You're not going to work right through are you?"

"No, the Admiral has several days worth of work to do what with meetings and lab work so I'm going to spend that time overseeing some preliminary work on that new ballast control system the Navy wants us to test at some point on Seaview. We're hoping to get some time over in Hawaii before we have to be back here for Seaview's next cruise."

Chip was pleased that Lee had finally started referring to he and Nelson as "we". Chip had been aware for the last couple of years that Crane and Nelson were lovers. He knew Lee too well not to have noticed the changes that came over him once he and Nelson started their relationship. Lee seemed to find an inner peace and happiness he had not had before and Chip was very happy for his best friend although he was still a little jealous. Although he knew Lee loved him as a best friend he wanted so much more and the thought that Admiral Nelson was taking Lee's slim, elegant body in his arms and making love to him at every opportunity still gave him pain. But he didn't begrudge either man their happiness.

"Well, let's get started on these reports," said Lee as he put down his now empty coffee cup "or we'll never get out of here." He stood and had just started dividing the reports, some for his attention and some for the Exec's when the door burst open and an agitated Admiral Harriman Nelson strode in.

"Oh good, you're both here. I've just had a call from ONI. You remember that top secret electronic tracking device we've been working on for the navy?" Both men nodded. "Well they've installed a couple of the test ones on some new bomb they've been developing. They weren't expecting to actually start using the tracking device, it's still in the preliminary stage, but some maniac named Gibson has taken one of the bombs and put it somewhere in the Inyo Mountains. He's threatening to blow it up if they don't give him $2 billion dollars."

"And where do you fit into this?" said Crane, concerned as always for Nelson's well being.

"Gibson doesn't know the bomb has one of our trackers in it. The navy wants me to take our prototype seeker and find the bomb and disarm it. I have to get going as soon as possible because the bomb's set to go off tonight. The idiots in ONI had been trying to bargain with this guy and I guess they were so sure that would work they didn't ask us for help till their negotiations fell through."

"How are you supposed to get there?"

"They're sending a Navy chopper for me. The chopper will let me off at an old logging camp and using the tracker I should be able to hike to the bomb from there. They know Gibson was in that area very recently so they're quite sure he must have placed the bomb near that location."

"I'm going with you." said Crane in a tone that brooked no argument.

Nelson smiled, "Thank you, hiking isn't my idea of a fun day and I'll be glad of someone to help me avoid all those tree roots, and more importantly, it takes at least two to disarm the bomb."

"Count me in too." said Chip. "It'll be a warm-up for my hiking holidays."

"Great." said Nelson, "we've got time to change into something more suitable for a hike. Let's meet at the helipad at 09:30."

As Lee headed towards the helipad to meet Chip and Nelson he heard Angie, the Admiral's secretary, calling him. "Lee, I'm sure none of you have thought of food, take this, it'll get you through the day." and she handed him a large package of sandwiches and fruit."Thanks Angie. I did remember water and Chip was going to bring some food bars but this will be much better."

"Tell the Admiral I've put off his conference call with Washington until tomorrow and please take care out there."

"Okay Angie, I'll give him the message and don't worry, we'll be back this evening. Hopefully before dark."

****************

They took off in the Navy chopper. Nelson had the tracking device and was still working on calibrating it as they headed east towards the Inyo Mountains. All three men were now wearing jeans and casual shirts with outdoor jackets instead of their uniforms. They had all chosen flannel shirts knowing that the mountains would be cooler than the warm air of Santa Barbara.

"Can we do anything to help Admiral?" Chip asked.

"No, just sit back and enjoy the view. I should have this working in a few minutes. Then we'll have a good idea how far we're going to have to hike."

Sure enough, only a short time later they heard the beeping of the tracker.

"Got it!" said Nelson triumphantly. "Now, let's see if we can narrow it down." He spent a few minutes using his compass and maps. "It looks like ONI was right. If we put down at the logging camp we'll need about an hour to hike up to it I should guess."

"Do you anticipate much trouble disarming it Admiral?" asked Crane.

"ONI gave me some instructions." Nelson patted his jacket's buttoned pocket. "It's a modification of one I've seen before so it should be relatively simple as those things go. It's a powerful bomb though, if it went off the damage would be extensive and so would the casualties. Still, if all goes well we should have plenty of time to enjoy our picnic lunch."

The three men sat quietly enjoying the view as they skimmed over the treetops with the tracker beeping reassuringly.

Suddenly there was a loud bang from above them and the chopper heeled violently to one side.

"We've lost power!" the pilot's voice came over the speakers. "I don't think I can hold it, tighten your seat belts, we're going down."

Nelson kept the tracker clutched to him. He tightened his lap belt and looked over to see Lee and Chip doing the same. They could see flames above them where the explosion had sounded, then they hit something, probably tree tops, and the chopper was rolling and crashing as it bounced between the trees. Nelson heard sounds of breaking branches, over stressed metal, someone cried out in pain and then there was only silence.

Chip was the first one to come around. He opened his eyes and found himself still in his seat but the seat was facing a different direction - or at least he thought it was. Carefully moving his arms and legs Chip was amazed to find he seemed to be only scratched and bruised. "Admiral? Lee?" He called as he used shaking hands to unbuckle himself.

Turning he could see Nelson right next to him, his seat at an angle. The older man seemed to be coming round. Nelson groaned.

"Admiral, are you all right?"

"I think I've broken my left wrist or arm judging from the pain but otherwise I think it's not too bad," he groaned as he shifted. "Where's Lee and the pilot?"

Chip was already moving towards Lee's seat which was over on its side, half out of what had once been their chopper.

As soon as Chip saw Lee he knew he was badly hurt. The Captain's face was very pale and there was blood soaking through his jacket on one side.

"Lee, can you hear me?" Chip gently touched Lee's face, then undid his seat buckles and caught Lee as he fell to the side. Chip laid him carefully on the ground.

Nelson had limped over, his left wrist now tucked into the waist of his jeans. "Lee!"

Chip moved away to let Nelson get next to Crane. "I'm going to check the pilot and the radio and look for a first aid kit."

The Admiral didn't even acknowledge hearing Chip, all his attention was focussed on the Captain. "Lee." Nelson laid his hand against Lee's cheek, finding his skin cool and clammy.

Lee's long eyelashes fluttered as he tried to open his eyes. "Harry?" his voice was a pain filled whisper.

"Right here love, don't try to move. Chip's gone to look for a first aid kit. Lie still, we'll get you out of here." He held Lee's hand in his, careful not to apply any pressure in case the arm was broken but wanting Lee to know he was there.

Chip was back, he hadn't had far to go. "The pilot's dead, the radio's in a thousand pieces and this seems to be all they carry as a first aid kit." It was the kind of kit one might take on a family outing. Chip could see the alarm on Nelson's face.

"Lee, let me take a look, what hurts most, I can see there's rib damage but what else hurts?" Chip had undone Lee's jacket and shirt. At least one rib had broken right through the skin and the way the blood was bubbling he knew a lung must be punctured. Chip used his handkerchief to cover that spot but he didn't have enough bandages to stop all the bleeding. He was pretty sure Lee's right arm was broken too and a gash on his head was dripping blood despite the handkerchief Nelson had applied to it.

Quickly removing his shirt and jacket Chip used his shirt to make more bandages to try to stop the bleeding from the chest injuries then he re-buttoned Lee's jacket to apply some pressure putting his own jacket back on. Nelson had spotted a blanket under a seat and between them they wrapped it around the injured man.

Lee hadn't answered Chip's question, he seemed to have drifted into unconsciousness. As Chip buttoned his jacket though his eyes opened, "Harry, you and Chip...okay?"

"Just bruises Lee, we're fine. How are you feeling?" Nelson was holding Lee's wrist, the pulse was weak and rapid.

"Hurts...hard to breath." Lee coughed and couldn't stop a moan of pain escaping his lips. He tried to control the coughing but couldn't, Chip gently raised him up to help him get his breath but the coughing left him in agony and too drained to do more than gasp for air. Carefully Chip lay him back on the ground, drawing the blanket around him again.

Chip could see his concern mirrored in Nelson's eyes. Lee was hurt badly and they had no radio and no way to get medical help. Chip could not remember ever feeling so helpless.

Lee Crane was well aware of how badly he was hurt and the predicament he was in. His whole chest felt like it was on fire and it was becoming a struggle to breath and stay conscious. But he had to stay awake, he had things to say.

"Harry...time?"

The Admiral was holding Lee's undamaged hand and stroking his hair. "10:30"

"Harry,...go."

"Lee, I'm not leaving you."

"Got to. I'm not going to make it, Harry. Bleeding inside...I'm sorry." It was an effort for Lee to speak but he knew he had to make it clear to Harry that there was no point staying. He could feel his eyes stinging at the thought of never seeing his beloved Admiral again, his blue eyes gazing at Lee with love. He squeezed Harry's hand. "Love you...best years of my life. Thanks. Chip...you've been best friend I could have...please, take care of the Admiral." The effort of saying what he had to say left Lee gasping.

Nelson had tears in his eyes. "Lee," he bent down and brushed Lee's cheek with his lips. "I'm not leaving you." He kissed the cool lips."Harry...please...duty...go." Lee's eyes closed and his head fell to one side.

"Lee!" Nelson felt for a pulse. It was still there but so weak he could barely find it.

"Admiral," Nelson could hear the pain in Chip's voice, "he's right. We have to go. It will take us hours to hike to that bomb and we don't know where exactly it is." It was killing Chip to have to say that. All he really wanted to do was gather Lee in his arms and hold him and he knew it was all Nelson wanted to do.

"Chip, I can't leave him alone. Help must be on the way."

"Admiral, we don't even know if the pilot had time to send out a may day. It could be tomorrow before help arrives. Without immediate attention..." Chip couldn't go on, tears were stinging his eyes. His best friend was dying and he could do nothing, not even stay with him. "Please, Admiral, don't make me say it. You know you couldn't disarm the bomb on your own even if your wrist wasn't broken. We have to go together. Lee knows that."

"NO! The damned bomb can explode, I don't care. I am not leaving him!" Nelson gently caressed the pale cheek.

"Admiral, a lot of people could die if the bomb explodes, including us. You're the only chance for all those people."

Nelson said nothing, he stroked Lee's hair. Chip realized the Admiral was crying, he'd never seen Nelson cry. "Okay, Chip," he said softly."we'll go. Duty calls doesn't it. Please, help me lift him up, I want to hold him."

Chip carefully put his arms under Lee's shoulders and raised the unconscious Captain and settled him onto Nelson's good arm. Chip leaned over and kissed Lee's brow, "Goodbye, Lee." It was all he could manage. "I'll wait for you in the woods, Admiral." Chip gathered up the tracker which was still beeping along with his back pack in which he shoved a few sandwiches to go with the water he already had. Then he climbed through the wreckage to the trees to wait for Nelson.

Nelson rested his cheek on Lee's head. "Damn you, Lee for being right, damned duty. I don't want to leave you here." Harry knew Lee couldn't hear him but he had to say it. "I love you, Lee, you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't know that I'm going to be able to go on without you. Please Lee hang on, we'll come back for you." Nelson said it but he knew it was hopeless. Lee would die long before they could bring help. Even now he barely seemed to be breathing. Nelson realized that if Morton hadn't been here he would have just lay down with Lee and been quite content to let the bomb explode and kill them both. It would be better than going on without Lee in his life.

Nelson carefully laid Lee back down and adjusted the blanket so that it covered Lee all the way to his face. "Goodbye my love, I'll be seeing you again. Wait for me. If Heaven's full of great looking men you just stay away from them and wait for me, y'hear. Oh God, I love you so much." His tears were falling freely now. He caressed Lee's cheek again, and leaned over and kissed him. Then choking down sobs and feeling as though his heart would break he stood up, turned and left the aircraft. He limped towards Chip and right past him. Chip understood and fell in behind the Admiral, silently following and making sure they were headed in the right direction. Neither man spoke as they followed in the path their duty took them.

********************

Unbeknownst to Chip and the Admiral their helicopter crash had been seen by someone who did have a radio. Elaine Dawson and Jack Field had been up in the mountains practising for their winter jobs as ski patrollers. In order to keep fit they liked to go out a couple of times each summer carrying all their regular equipment most of which was medical equipment to treat the various ski injuries they encountered each year. Elaine and Jack might not have noticed the chopper go by but they heard the bang and had seen it fall.

Fortunately as they were on a ski hill their view had not been totally obscured by trees. Jack had radioed in their position and a request for aid, then they headed for where they thought the chopper had gone down. It took them over an hour and a half to reach the site. They arrived about 45 minutes after the Admiral and Chip had set off into the forest.

As they approached the downed helicopter Jack called out but they received no response. Jack had gone round one side and found the pilot well past any help. Jack was quite sure he'd been killed instantly.

"Jack, quickly, bring the bag." he heard Elaine from the other side of the wreckage. Moving fast he went round to find her next to a man wrapped in a blanket. Elaine was already calling instructions. "Quick Jack, get that oxygen out and on him fast, I'll start an IV. His pulse is almost non-existent." They worked efficiently, Jack put the oxygen mask over their patient's mouth and nose while Elaine inserted the needle to start the IV. Elaine had already seen the chest wound. Now she applied a pressure bandage to stop any further blood loss.

Next they carefully examined the rest of Lee's body for damage. They gently moved him to one side to move his arm which Jack splinted. Elaine did a quick walk around the neighbouring forest looking for other survivors. By the time she returned Jack had been on the radio again. A rescue chopper would be there in less than half an hour and would lower a basket stretcher for them. Their patient's readings were a little stronger but they both knew it was serious.

"What do you think happened to the other survivors?" asked Elaine "How could they leave this guy when he was so badly hurt, he wouldn't have lasted much longer if we hadn't been nearby."

"Maybe they decided it was better to go for help. If they didn't have a radio they might have thought it best to head down and hope to find a road eventually."

"I guess so." said Elaine. She had always hated the idea of dying alone and that someone had left this man to do just that seemed cruel to her but perhaps they'd thought if for the best to try to get help.

She took the man's hand in hers. "Look for some ID Jack, then I can talk to him. He may hear us at a sub-conscious level."

Jack found a wallet in Lee's back pocket and opened it. He let out a low whistle. "This is Lee Crane, Captain of that submarine Seaview."

"Wow." Elaine had heard of Seaview. Like Jack she lived near Santa Barbara and one of her college friends worked at NIMR.

"Lee." she called gently, "just hang on. We've got help on the way. Just keep breathing Lee." She squeezed his hand and pushed his hair back from his brow.

Jack had taken out their insulate blanket and they wrapped that around Lee as well. Jack also pulled out a scarf and wrapped it round Lee's head - anything to keep his body temperature from getting too low, they knew he was in shock.

A short while later they heard the chopper. Jack fired a flare to allow them to pin-point he and Elaine. The basket stretcher was lowered with one of the helicopter crew. Between the three of them they carefully lifted Lee into the basket. A few minutes later they were headed for the hospital.

****************

Chip and the Admiral were making good time as they hiked down the hill towards the bomb location. Neither man had spoken, their private thoughts right now were too painful.

By the time the helicopter had arrived to pick up Lee they were several miles away, well into the forest, and the sound didn't reach them.

Finally Nelson stopped. "Chip, could I have some water?"

"Of course, Admiral." Chip was worried about the older man. He looked awful, practically grey, and he was limping on his right side. "Eat one of the sandwiches too sir, we're going to need our strength. Can I do anything for your wrist? I might be able to make a sling with your shirt sleeve."

"My wrist?" Nelson looked down at his hand. "No, it's okay, Chip, I can hardly feel it." Nelson ate the sandwich mechanically. He checked his watch. "We should reach the bomb in another couple of hours, that `s good, it'll be easier to work in day light. Let's get going."

Sure enough it was about 15:00 when they found the bomb. It was in what must at one time have been a storage building for the logging camp. Nelson took a few deep breaths as he walked around the bomb.

"As we thought, it's do-able but it's awkward. I'll need you to hold it at an angle. The wiring is underneath but you can't tip it over, that can set it off. Let me go over the notes again." Nelson pulled the notes out to re-read. When he was ready Chip rolled the bomb at an angle and settled in against his hip while Nelson went to his knees to get to the wiring. Using the tools he'd brought with him he removed the cover and got to work. After about ten minutes he asked "how you doing, Chip?"

"Fine sir, no problem here."

"It's taking me a while working with just one hand but it shouldn't be long."

"Whatever it takes, Admiral. I can manage."

After ten more minutes he heard a sigh as Nelson announced "That's it, it's done. Roll it back."

Chip rolled the bomb back onto it's centre. Nelson had already turned and walked out of the shed. Following him Chip found him staring back up the way they'd come. "He'll be gone won't he, Chip?"

Chip looked at his watch. Almost 16:00. It had been five hours since they'd left Lee.

"I'm sure he was bleeding internally and I think he knew it. That's why he said goodbye. It would take us many more hours to get back to him than it took to get down here sir and we don't have any lights.

We wouldn't even get there til morning. Admiral, he was barely breathing when we left. I'm sorry. You know how sorry I am. I think we should keep going while we have a little light and get to that logging camp. If the pilot did send a mayday I think they'd send a chopper there for us and we could direct them to the crash site. If not, there may be a radio and at least we'd have shelter for the night."

Nelson was still looking up the hill. Chip gently took his good arm and led him down again. Down towards the logging camp. After forty minutes they came to a logging road. Following that they reached the logging camp around 17:30. With the mountains and the angle of the sun it was already getting dark. The first building they found had obviously been a bunk house. Chip sat the Admiral on one of the bunks and gave him water and another sandwich. "Eat this sir, I'll go check out the other buildings."

****************

When he returned twenty minutes later Nelson was sitting as he'd left him. Chip had found something to use as a splint and used that to make the Admirals wrist more comfortable. "There wasn't any radio sir, I think we're best to stay here til morning. I'm sure they'll send help by then. Why don't you lie down, Admiral. Try to sleep."

Chip lay down on one of the narrow beds. He'd found some mothball smelling blankets and eaten a couple of sandwiches. He knew sleep would be a long time coming. This was not the first time he had had to face a life without his best friend in it. There were other times when Lee had been critically injured or missing and they thought they'd lost him - and those incidents had been almost more than he could bear. But to have had to leave Lee to die alone made his heart ache. And if it made his heart ache, it could be killing Nelson.Nelson would have agreed with Chip. He certainly felt like death right now would be welcome. He and Lee had always agreed that duty came first. Duty. Harry wasn't sure he ever wanted to hear that word again. Lee was his life, his reason for living. The thought of never again seeing the hazel eyes sparkling at him, never seeing that smile that always brightened Nelson's own mood even if he was at his grumpiest - it was too much to bear. To never see Lee's long, golden tanned limbs in his bed, god, he had to stop thinking about it. Like Chip there were times when he thought he'd lost Lee, but to have had to turn his back on his dying lover and leave him to die alone in a cold helicopter wreck. Harry didn't think he could stand it. Nelson tried to tell himself that time would soften the pain but right now he had no desire to ever step foot on Seaview again. Nor did he want to return to NIMR, he just wanted to sit on a beach somewhere and stare at the ocean. As for the word duty, if he never heard it again it would be too soon!

Morning came and neither man had been able to get much sleep. Chip checked Nelson's wrist and made him drink some water and eat the last sandwich. As they emerged from their cabin they heard the unmistakable sound of a helicopter.

The chopper landed in the field near them and Al Baxter of ONI emerged. "Great work, Admiral! Thank you! We were sweating bullets late yesterday. We knew the chopper was off the screen but we didn't know what had happened to you. It was a tense afternoon." He was leading the two Seaview men towards the chopper but neither one was paying much attention to him. "We realized our best bet was to fly in here this morning as that had been the original destination so we took off at first light. Now, I can see you're hurt, sir. I'm sure you both need to be checked out. It would be quicker to take you to the base hospital but you probably want to go to the one they took Crane to."

Both Chip and Nelson's heads snapped around at that. They had just climbed into the chopper. Chip found his tongue first. "What do you mean `took Crane to'?" They must mean Lee's body, perhaps they had located the crash site yesterday.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking! You wouldn't even know. A couple of ski patrollers saw your chopper go down and headed for the site. They had all their emergency equipment with them. They treated Crane and called for help. Now, I know his condition was very serious but he was alive at the last report I received."

The Admiral had been moving towards a seat as Baxter spoke, Chip was reaching out to help him to his seat as Baxter let this last piece of information out and Chip just managed to catch the Admiral as he passed out.

It was almost 14:00 hours when the Admiral woke up. He was in a hospital bed attached to an IV. His wrist was in a cast and he could feel that his knee was bandaged in some way. Chip Morton was sitting beside him and as soon as he saw Nelson's eyes were open he leaned forward and placed his hand over Nelson's.

"Admiral, Lee is alive. He's in serious condition but they're optimistic. They had him in surgery yesterday evening to repair the chest injuries. His arm was broken and he has a concussion. He lost a lot of blood but they're guardedly optimistic. I've been sitting with him til about a half hour ago when they said you were close to waking up. How are you feeling sir? Do you want me to take you to see Lee?"

Chip had expected Nelson to be all smiles on hearing this news but he remained serious.

"Yes please Chip. I'm fine now I've had some sleep."

Nelson sat up and looked around for his clothes, Chip passed them to him. Not waiting for a nurse Nelson removed the IV and slowly got out of bed.

It was only a short walk to Lee's room. Chip held the door open for Nelson and said "I'll go get you something to eat Admiral and let Angie know you're awake."

Nelson ignored him, intent only on Lee, he took the seat next to Lee and just sat looking at him. Lee looked very pale but although a respirator was providing him with extra oxygen he seemed to be breathing well on his own. His left arm was in a cast and there was a bandage on his forehead where they must have stitched his cut.

Harry had to fight the desire to take Lee in his arms and hold him. Hold him and never let him go. He wanted to kiss those lips and lose himself in the familiar mouth with it's taste of ocean and spices.

The Admiral knew it was going to take some time to come to grips with all the emotions he had felt in the last couple of days. Logic told him he should be overjoyed at finding Lee alive and of course he was. But he felt, not numb no, but an overwhelming anger, anger at a job that had required him to leave Lee alone in that wreck. Harry realized that having Lee back had not erased the black depression caused by that action.

The door opened and a Doctor came into the room. "Admiral Nelson? I'm pleased to meet you sir. I understand we have you to thank for disarming a bomb which would have done serious damage to our hospital and no doubt killed and injured many of our patients and staff."

Nelson just nodded. "How is Captain Crane Doctor?"

"Coming along quite well, sir. He's lucky those ski patrollers found him. Another hour and it wouldn't have made any difference. But the surgery went well and all his vital signs are already markedly improved. I think he'll recover fully with some rest. He should be awake by tomorrow. We've got him pretty heavily sedated for now."

"When can we move him to the Institute Clinic?"

"Well, let's talk about that in about 48 hours shall we." The Doctor gave Nelson a patronizing smile and Nelson was about to make a remark about just how "we" felt about that when Chip came in. The Doctor took his leave.

Chip had a big smile on his face. "It sure is good to see him isn't it sir?" He stood looking down at Lee.

"Yes Chip, it is."

Chip turned smartly to look at Nelson. The Admiral sounded so tired."Is something wrong sir? Did the Doctor have bad news?"

"No, Chip, good news. We should be able to take him back to NIMR in a couple of days."

Chip was worried and puzzled. He and Nelson didn't really have a close rapport but he felt he had to say something.

"Admiral, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Mr. Morton, just fine!" snapped Nelson. Inside he thought `as fine as anyone can be who left their lover, their best friend, to die alone.' Taking a deep breath he turned to Chip. "I have some calls to make, can you stay with Lee for a while? Then I think you should get on with your vacation."

"I can change my plans sir."

"No, Chip, you need that rest and relaxation even more after all this. I'll know where to reach you, you can call him. The Doctor said he'll be awake by tomorrow. I'll need you ready for that next cruise, I doubt Lee will be at 100% that quickly."

"Well, if you say so sir, but I'm not leaving till he wakes up. I need to see his eyes looking at me to know he's okay."

Nelson called Angie and had her clear his schedule for the next month. To say she was shocked was an understatement. "Sir, what's wrong? I thought the news on the Captain was good!"

"This has nothing to do with the Captain's health, yes, they say he'll be fine with some rest. It's just something I need to do, Angie. I'm going away for a while. I'd rather you not tell people that, just tell them I'm unavailable."

"What about the next cruise on Seaview sir. It was scheduled for the end of next week."

"I won't be going, Angie. Chip will probably have command. If Lee feels up to it he may go along, that's up to Jamieson. But I won't be going."

"Yes sir, I'll take care of your schedule."

"Good, I may be back there tomorrow, I'll clear my desk and help you with alternate arrangements. List all the most urgent items and we'll go through them."

"Admiral," Angie sounded concerned, "Are you all right sir?"

"I'm fine Angie, just tired. I'll see you late tomorrow."

**************

Three days later Lee Crane was sitting up in his bed at the Institute Clinic planning his escape from the place he least wanted to spend his leave. He knew he was still weak and in pain but he was well enough to go home and stay in bed there and he felt he needed to get home to figure out what was wrong with Harry.

The Admiral had been at his bedside when he'd woken up in the hospital and he'd looked so happy, his bright blue eyes smiling at Lee. But even then he'd seemed subdued and in the two days since Lee had seen very little of him.

Now Lee slowly got out of bed. He put on his robe and slippers and headed for the door. No-one would be checking up on him, they thought he was having an evening nap.

Lee knew how to get from the Institute Clinic to Nelson's apartment via the underground tunnels and elevators and he had his security pass with him. He had left a note in his room telling them he would be at Nelson's, that the Admiral's guest room was more comfortable and no-one would wake him to stick needles in him.

He let himself into the penthouse. He'd expected to find Harry reading in the living room or perhaps enjoying a post dinner coffee. Instead he heard what sounded like an electric shaver coming from the bedroom and two suitcases were by the door.

Puzzled and a little concerned Lee headed for the bedroom. The sound of shaving stopped. "Harry?"

"Lee! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed." He took Lee's arm, guiding him back to the living room and the couch. "Did you just walk out? Andy told me tomorrow at the earliest."

"Harry, where are you going?"

Harry hated the innocent look in Lee's eyes. "Lee, I was coming down in a bit to talk to you. I'm just going away for a few weeks."

"Now! Tonight? Where? Why? Harry what's wrong?"

"Lee, calm down please. It has nothing to do with you or `us'. It's me, I need some time away. I'm truly sorry to be leaving when you're still not 100% but it's something I have to do."

"You aren't even going to talk to me about it? It must be something pretty big Harry. Does it have something to do with the events of the last few days?"

Harry snorted, "It's entirely that. Lee, I know we've talked many times about duty and not letting our love come before our duty - to Seaview, to our country. At times, it's been very difficult but we've managed. But, Lee, leaving you in the helicopter wreckage to die alone, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I can't do it anymore."

"Oh Harry," Lee pulled the Admiral into his arms carefully, mindful of his protesting ribs. He kissed Nelson gently on his cheek and pulled the Admiral's head down onto his shoulder, stroking the silky hair. "Harry I'm fine. I know it must have been awful, it would break my heart to have to leave you that way but life goes on, we've got our jobs to do."

Nelson pulled out of Lee's arms. "That's just it, Lee, I can't go on with my job. Not right now, maybe never. Andy says you'll be up to light duty when Seaview sails at the end of the week so Chip can command and you'll be there too."

"And where are you going?"

"To Hawaii for now."

"What about NIMR?"

"I've rearranged everything for now. Angie will be calling you if something comes up she can't handle."

"Can we call you?"

"Emergencies only, like you or Edith are seriously ill."

There was silence for a minute or two.

"Harry, what are you going to do? You can't leave Seaview."

"I don't know yet Lee. I may go back to teaching or spend more time helping Edie with some of her projects."

"What about us, Harry?"

"We'll work it out, Lee. None of this is your fault, I still love you more than anyone or anything. I'm not giving you up, Lee, even if I'm going to have to see you less. Please, let me have the time I need to decide what I want to do."

"Can I have a hug, Harry, a real one?"

"Of course love, a gentle one, I don't want to hurt you."

Lee lay down on the couch, his arms out to Harry. Harry wrapped his arms around Lee and stroked the curly hair. "Harry, I've never even considered this, not having you in my life every day."

"Other people manage it, Lee, we could too."

Lee was silent. In truth he was a little overwhelmed. He'd been anticipating a quiet night in Harry's arms and falling asleep in their big bed. He didn't think he was up to any sexual gymnastics but he had looked forward to losing himself in Harry's warm mouth.

Now his world was coming unravelled.

Finally Harry said "Come on love, I'm taking you back to the clinic. I've got a plane to catch."

"I can stay here, Harry."

"No, Lee, I'd already talked to Andy. He was going to release you tomorrow, that's why I was going to come down there to talk to you. As it is I'm glad you came here. It made a difficult task slightly easier. I wouldn't have been able to hug you down there now would I?"

Lee sighed, "Okay I'll go back. I had a lot more in mind than just hugging, Harry. I don't like this, I'm going to miss you and I'm going to worry about you."

"Don't, I'll be fine, it will all work out for the best. You'll see."

**************

Three weeks later Lee Crane sat in the observation nose with a stack of paperwork as Chip Morton guided Seaview to her berth. The two and a half week cruise had been one of those routine cruises they seemed to have so few of. The three scientists they had as guests had been counting seal numbers on the Oregon/Washington coast and Lee and Chip had spent most of their time trying to practically follow every herd they saw. It had been tiring but trouble free.

As he sat drinking coffee and completing as much of the paperwork as possible - the rest would follow him to his office -Lee realized how much he was looking forward to getting home. For one thing he was exhausted! The Admiral usually acted as host for visiting scientists and although Lee had done it before he didn't enjoy it, it was so time consuming. There always seemed to be something they needed done in the lab or something they needed explained to them about the ship and its crew. So many of their "guests" seemed to think working on

Seaview was going to be like working on dry land and were surprised when they found there were restrictions placed on them, that equipment was perhaps different, it just seemed to go on and on. Twice Lee had found himself placating Cookie when the scientists had just assumed they could request whatever food they wanted when they wanted it. The first time Lee had been polite in explaining meal times but the second time he had been quite blunt in telling them Seaview was not a hotel with room service!

On top of those problems he seemed to have spent every free moment worrying about Harry. The Admiral had called once - just to say hello he said, and make sure Lee had fully recovered, and it had warmed Lee's heart to hear him. But it had not alleviated his concerns. The Admiral had said nothing about returning to Seaview and Lee hadn't wanted to start a discussion on the phone.

If when he returned to NIMR Harry had not left word to say he was coming home then Lee was going to have to go and see Harry and make some decisions of his own.

Chip Morton came and sat beside Crane pouring himself a coffee."Thirty minutes to docking Skipper. I'm letting O'Brien take her in."

"Fine, Chip, good idea."

"You want me to take any of those reports?"

"No, I'll manage."

Chip didn't say anything more but he looked closely at Lee as he worked. The Captain was still pale and he'd also lost weight this trip instead of regaining it. Lee had obeyed Jamie's light duty rule for the first week or so but had just spent the time he wasn't in the control room helping the scientists. The weight loss Chip attributed to Nelson's absence. There was no doubt his friend was fretting about the Admiral. He knew that on more than one occasion this past week the night crew had found the Captain in their midst checking up on his boat. Lee sometimes did that to keep the crew on their toes - and to be a little more visible for the crew who saw him the least. But in this case Chip knew it was more because Lee wasn't sleeping, he was worrying.

None of the crew were concerned about Nelson's absence, his duties at NIMR or in Washington sometimes caused him to miss a cruise. Only Crane and Morton knew that in this case the absence may turn out to be permanent and Chip had only had his suspicions confirmed the previous night.

Chip had been up late overseeing repairs to a panel in the circuitry room. As he had headed back to his cabin he had noticed a light on under Nelson's cabin door. Knocking quietly he had heard Crane's equally quiet "come", Lee had been sitting at Nelson's desk apparently not doing anything as the desk was clear.

Chip had taken a seat and looked at his friend.

"Okay, Lee, what's going on with the Admiral? He was acting strangely right after that bomb incident, then he takes off for no apparent reason. I know he was deeply upset and his leaving before you were even out of the hospital screams of desperation on his part. Is he coming back?"

"What do you mean he was acting strangely?"

"Well, obviously leaving you at that wreck was painful for both of us" a flash of pain crossed Chip's face at the memory and Crane leaned over and patted his hand where it lay on the desk. "I know Chip."

Chip took a deep breath. "When we found out from that idiot Baxter that you were alive he fainted. No wonder really, he was exhausted mentally and physically. But when I saw him in your room at the hospital I knew something was still wrong. He didn't seem happy. I had a grin on my face I couldn't wipe off but he looked like a grey cloud was still hanging over him. It really affected him having to leave you didn't it?"

Lee sighed, "Yeah, he said he never wanted to hear the word `duty' again. He just wanted to escape from it all for a while and re-assess his goals."

"He'd never seriously consider giving up Seaview?" Chip sounded shocked.

"A couple of months ago I'd have laughed that off as ridiculous, but now I don't know what to think."

"But what about you..." as soon as Chip blurted those words he'd regretted it.

The Captain laughed mirthlessly, "I have to admit that question had crossed my mind, but I guess I've been pretty lucky to spend as much time with the Admiral as I have. Let's face it, in this job it's pretty difficult to maintain any lasting relationship. We're so rarely on land for long periods. I don't know how I'd feel if he said he was staying on land." Crane was silent for a few moments, then continued in a more upbeat tone, "I just can't believe he'd do that Chip, he loves this life, he loves the excitement. He'd hate teaching full time...I think. Come on, I can't sit here all night with these maudlin thoughts. Let's go down to the gym and do something useful."

Now as he sat in the observation nose Chip asked "so what will you be doing for the next few days."

"Hmph! The first two days Angie tells me I'll be in Nelson's office. I hate being in charge of that stuff. It's all admin reports but I have to read them all before I sign off. I'm always worried Building Services will try to slip a new parking lot past me and the Admiral will kill me. Then I've a scheduled one day meeting with Admiral Starke and some staff at COMSUBPAC. In fact I was going to ask you to join me. It's about our next cruise and the Admiral had already arranged the time - we're to be away five or six weeks as you know. But I don't know much about the project and I'd appreciate you being there. Usually the Admiral handles the questions and I do logistics while they talk. You're better at logistics anyway."

"You're supposed to be taking it easy Lee, if you don't put on that weight Jamie is going to take you off the duty list."

"There's still three days after that Chip. If the Admiral hasn't come home by then I guess I'm going to Hawaii." Crane smiled but it looked strained to Chip.

"Okay Lee, I'll go with you to COMSUBPAC and I'll be in my office or on Seaview for the next couple of days. Call me if you need anything. Maybe I'll come by NIMR and drag you out to dinner." He stood up, "I'll go make sure O'Brien hasn't dented anything."

Lees smiled but inside his stomach was in knots, that seemed to have become a permanent feeling of late! He missed Harry so much every day. If he could keep really busy it wasn't too bad. But off duty, or if he found himself in the lab or even here in the nose, he was accustomed to having Nelson nearby. Even if they couldn't touch he could feel the subtle warmth of Nelson's bright blue eyes bathing him in their glow. And when they were off duty, he wanted to be in Nelson's arms. He wanted to kiss that pale, soft skin and take the Admiral's hard cock in his mouth or in his ass - watching Nelson's face as he writhed in ecstasy, listen to his moans. God, Lee had to get his mind off Nelson while he was sitting here in the nose, he could feel his body starting to respond. He could get rid of it quick enough, all he had to do was think of his empty bed and his fear that the Admiral wasn't going to return. What the hell would he do.

*****************

Harriman Nelson was enjoying his daily walk along the beach in front of his rented beach house. It was another lovely day in paradise!

Despite the hat he wore and the sunscreen he applied to his freckled skin every day he knew he was more brown than he had ever been. He had been here now for almost four weeks and he felt he hadn't progressed very far in coming to terms with his jumbled emotions.

Although he was over 50 Nelson still had lots of energy and lots he wanted to do with his life - but how to do it without returning to the sometimes violent world he'd been living in where duty required you to leave the most precious person in your life to die alone.

That Lee hadn't died did very little to relieve the pain he still felt.

He had several options. Hire a couple of well respected marine scientists to do the front line work on Seaview and confine himself to scientific research on shore, or spend some of his time teaching at Annapolis, they were always asking him. Or he could spend sometime on Edie's charity projects and even move to Europe as he'd hoped to do one day. At least two universities had asked him to work in their research facilities, he was always receiving such offers.

At this point Nelson usually muttered to himself "Nelson, you're an idiot." None of these plans worked if he wanted Lee in his life - and he did. Life without Lee Crane was inconceivable. If Nelson left Seaview he would hardly see Lee at all. It would be a handful of days over the year. He wasn't sure if he could do it, but he thought he'd have to try. It was better than watching Lee die again.

He was just no further to resolving it. Harry turned and headed back to the beach house. He had to admit that even with the unresolved quandary over his future, he felt in large part very relaxed. He spent time every day reading or writing, he shopped, cooked his own meals, listened to music and swam. If Lee had been there he'd be very happy. He'd always thought he would hate retirement, maybe he was wrong. Harry looked at his watch, time to go and meet Lee.

Nelson leaned against his car as he waited for the NIMR jet to taxi to a stop. This was the longest absence he and Lee had faced in the three years they'd been together. It had been too long, Nelson wanted nothing more right now that to take Lee into his arms and spend all day kissing those soft, sensuous lips, god he'd missed him.The door of the plane opened and Lee came out, turning as he did so to say something to Jerry the pilot. Harry walked towards the steps as Lee turned to look for him. The Captain's face lit up with pleasure as he spotted Nelson.

Lee was carrying two briefcases and a carry-all. He dropped the bags and reached out to shake Nelson's hand in a warm grip. "It's good to see you sir."

"Good to see you too Lee, thank you for coming." They were both mindful of Jerry's eyes upon them. As Nelson picked up one of Lee's briefcases Lee turned and gave a wave to Jerry, then headed with Nelson for the car.

The Admiral started the car and headed for the main road. Once they were away form the airport he reached over and squeezed Lee's thigh. "Love, you look exhausted, put your head back and rest for the twenty minutes it will take to get home."

"Umm. Maybe I will, can't hold you while you're driving anyway."

Although Nelson had made the offer he didn't think Crane would accept it but Lee seemed to fall asleep almost immediately. When he pulled the car up to the house and turned off the ignition Lee awoke with a start.

"Alone at last?" Crane grinned at him and leaned over and pulled the Admiral into his arms. For a moment they just held each other, then Lee started kissing Nelson's cheeks, his eyelids, his brow and soon his lips. Harry quickly realized that the memory he'd had of Lee's kissing was no where near as good as the reality! Their tongues met, each wanting to possess the other. They were soon gasping for air. Harry pulled away first. "You know there's a nice bedroom in there" he angled his head in the direction of the house.

"Okay, I guess we'll just end up steaming up the car windows if we stay here much longer." Lee grabbed his briefcases and Harry picked up his carry-all and they headed into the house. Harry went into the bedroom to drop Lee's bag and turned to find himself in Lee's arms.

The Captain's mouth was on his kissing him urgently. Lee pushed his leg between Harry's thighs and started rubbing against the erection he already felt building. "Oh Harry, it's been way too long," he gasped "I've got to have you now." and he was unbuttoning the Admiral's casual shirt as fast as he could, his hands practically shaking.

Nelson undid his own trousers and pushed them and his shorts off, "Get your clothes off Lee before I tear them off, you're not the only one about to explode".

In less than a minute they were both naked, their clothes a tangled heap, and Crane pushed the Admiral back onto the bed. Lee was sucking and nibbling the Admiral's nipples while his hands fondled the heavy balls and the already iron hard erection. "Lee, please..."

Harry was moaning, his head rolling from side to side his hands locked in Lee's dark brown curls, holding the Captain's lips against his nipples.. If the Admiral was any where near as excited as he was Lee knew he wasn't going to last so he quickly slid down and took Harry's cock into his mouth. How he'd missed the feel of it, soft silky skin over an iron hard core. He licked up and down and then drew all of it into his mouth. "Oh Lee, love you so much, missed you...Lee!" Now that he had Harry's cock where he wanted it Lee slid one hand under Nelson and inserted two fingers into his body, searching for the spot he knew would cause Nelson to explode. He was right, as soon as he touched the prostate a scream tore from Nelson's throat and his cock was exploding in Lee's mouth. Nelson's hips came off the bed as he tried to move further down Lee's throat, Lee sucked for all he was worth wanting to milk the Admiral of every drop of cream.

As Harry fell back on the bed Lee moved up to kiss him and share the taste of his cream with Nelson. Lee's own cock was throbbing so much it was almost painful. As they kissed Nelson reached down to touch him and Lee jerked back even from the light touch.

"Come on, Lee, I want to taste you too," Lee didn't need to be asked twice, he moved up so that his knees were on either side of Nelson's chest and slid his erection into the warm, welcoming mouth. Like the Admiral he was too excited to last long, after only a few thrusts he felt his balls getting tighter and tighter and as the Admiral reached up to scratch at his nipples he came. It seemed to last forever and it left him so drained that it was all he could do not to fall on top of the Admiral. He managed to withdraw from the hot mouth that was still licking at him and fall to the Admiral's side where he fell asleep murmuring Harry's name, one arm draped protectively over the Admiral's chest.

Harry woke to the sound of his stomach rumbling. It was after lunch and he hadn't had much breakfast. He gently disentangled himself from Lee's arms, grabbed his robe and padded into the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later he was back settled into a chair by the bed with a sandwich and a glass of juice.

Watching Lee sleep, especially after they'd made love, was one of his favourite pastimes. There was never time to do this on Seaview, he could only indulge himself this way when they were on shore.

Looking at Lee now Harry was overwhelmed with both tenderness and concern. With his face in repose and his hair all curled, Lee looked so young. He was lying on his back now with one arm raised, his curled fist against his brow. The sheet was pushed down almost to his hips and Harry watched the rise and fall of his chest. His concern stemmed from Lee's obvious exhaustion, and the fact he had definitely lost weight. The Captain's cheeks were more angular than usual and even his normally golden hued skin was a little pale. The scar from his recent chest injury was still red and Harry knew he'd only recently had the cast removed from his arm.

Harry was quite sure that his own absence from both Seaview and NIMR had added to Lee's workload at a time when he probably wasn't really up to it. Nelson knew that over the next couple of days he had to come to some decision about his life, he couldn't let Lee continue to carry both jobs.

A couple of hours later Harry was sitting on the deck looking out to sea. The deck ran along the entire front of the beach house. Harry had his feet up on the sun bleached wooden railing, his mind engrossed in his thoughts.

Suddenly warm arms were wrapped around him and Lee's mouth was nibbling at his left ear lobe.

"Decided to wake up did you?" Nelson chided him.

Lee stopped nibbling and stood straight quickly. "I'm sorry Admiral. I know we have a lot to cover. I'll go get the brief cases." And he was heading back into the house before Harry could even respond.

Harry followed him in "Lee, I was kidding. What's this `sir'stuff".

"Oh sorry Admiral...Harry. I guess it's just that there really is so much to do in the next two days. I've brought a couple of reports form the Institute that I really do need your input on and there are some items re Seaview I have to go over with you. Then at COMSUBPAC yesterday we talked about that next mission and I know you've already okayed it but listening to all their expectations Chip and I realized we'd need to make some modifications to the lab and I need you to look at those..." there was a pause as though Crane was considering his next words. "...unless you're not returning. In that case there are a whole lot of other things to discuss"

When Nelson didn't respond to this Lee felt his stomach tie itself up in knots again. Damn, today had been the first day in quite a while that he'd actually looked forward to eating - that hadn't lasted!

"You're not coming home, Harry?"

"No, Lee, I don't think I am. I'm turning Seaview over to you but I'm going to add a couple of marine scientists to the staff to go with you sometimes to help oversee the experiments or scientists - I know you hate coping with mad scientists."

He wasn't surprised when his attempt at levity failed. "For myself, I think I'll have to spend six months at NIMR deciding what I want to keep and what I want to pass on to other staff members. Eventually I want to teach. Lee, are you all right?"

Crane's already pale colour had now faded to white and he almost staggered. He fell into the closest chair and dropped his head into his hands.

"Lee!" Nelson put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry, I know this means a big change in our lives, but we can do it. I love you, I don't want to lose you. We're just going to have to be aware of each other's schedules and grab every spare moment. I can fly to you sometimes and vice versa and sometimes we'll meet in between. Please Lee, tell me you'll give it a try."

"Harry, I can't do that. This last month has been awful. No, if you want to do these things, I understand. But I'll have to change my life too. I'll quit my job and get something on shore, near you."

Nelson was shocked, he hadn't expected this. "I can't let you do that, Lee, you love your job, you're brilliant at it, Seaview needs you as much as you need Seaview."

This was too much for Crane. The strain of these past few weeks was catching up with him. "I find your profession of love a little empty, Admiral. You love me but you're quite happy to see me what? Two or three times a year?" He knew he was almost yelling. "What the hell kind of relationship is that? You can't stop me if I want to make my own career change!"

Nelson found he was losing his own temper."Yes I damn well can, there won't be any point to quitting your job if I won't see you!"

"That's what this is really about isn't it, you don't want to see me any more!"

"I didn't say that." They were both angry now. Lee had risen from the chair and was glowering at Nelson and Nelson had his most belligerent look on his face as he glared back at Crane. "Harry, listen to me, three visits per year will not work!"

"It's bound to be more that three visits per year and it's going to have to work `cause it's all I can offer."

"Really, well if that's the best you can do I don't want it. It would be like the last four weeks and I haven't enjoyed them. I'd rather end it now, Harry. It may hurt like hell but at least I know where I stand."

Lee turned and stalked towards the dining area where he had left the briefcases. Picking them up he headed for the door. His head was pounding and he felt sick to his stomach and he knew he had to get out of there before he broke down and started sobbing. He may have been able to cry in front of Harry, but not in front of Admiral Harriman Nelson.

Nelson was still angry. "Where do you think you're going? You can't just walk out."

"Watch me!"

"What about your luggage?" This was said to the door as Crane had already slammed out.

"Keep it!" Crane yelled over his shoulder as he headed for the roadway.

*************

Two hours later Harry was sitting in the living room with a glass of scotch still trying to figure out how the conversation had gone so wrong. He heard the sound of a car pull up and his heart leapt, maybe Lee had come back! He jumped up and headed to the door. There getting out of a car was Jiggs Starke.

"Jiggs! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, that's a friendly greeting! I'm at Pearl for some meetings. Crane had told me how to find this place so I thought I'd drop by and take the two of you to dinner." Starke saw Nelson's brow darken.

"I'm the only one here Jiggs. He left, slammed out of here a couple of hours ago."

"What! I expected to find the two of you making up for lost time! I'd planned on waiting out here leaning on the horn."

Nelson smiled wanly. "Well, you won't have to worry about that will you."

Jiggs had come up on to the deck. He pointed at Nelson's glass of scotch, "Okay, you can pour me one of those and tell me what the hell's going on starting with how much longer you're planning on hiding out here."

Forty minutes later when Nelson finished speaking Jiggs just stared at him until finally Nelson asked "cat got your tongue, Jiggs?"

"No, Harry, I'm just too stunned to speak. Maybe the sun has damaged your brain." He took a sip of his drink and put up a warning hand to stop Harry protesting. "Listen to me for a minute, Harry. This whole idea you have of giving up your life in Santa Barbara is nuts. Maybe if your health had suffered some serious setback I'd encourage it. But not because you've suddenly decided to avoid the kind of hellish situation our jobs sometimes put us in. I know that must have been awful for you, Harry, to have to leave someone you love to that fate. But you've sent Crane on missions that could have killed him, you've made decisions yourself that could have cause his death - you told me about firing on the sub Vulcan for example. Harry, you would be bored out of your mind teaching, you're an adrenalin junkie.

"I've been here a month and I haven't been bored."

"That's because you were mentally and physically worn out when you came here. This has been a wonderful opportunity for you to rest - you're tanned, a little too fat, and relaxed. But the holiday is over, go back to what you love best. You think you aren't going to be bored standing in front of a bunch of idiot students. Harry, most of them will be totally incapable of understanding you and you don't have a lot of patience. Years ago when you did a bit of teaching you were slightly more patient than you are now and you used to complain then that hardly any of them appreciated the education they were receiving."

"And as for Crane, well what did you expect him to say to your stupid offer? The man is totally worn out Harry, he looked exhausted the other day. He comes out here and no doubt -like me - he's expecting you to give him the good news that you're flying home and instead you're offering a long distance relationship. If you really think that would work than I think he's right. It's over and you had better cut your losses."

"Of course three or four visits a year isn't enough. Every day for the rest of my life won't be enough but it was the only way to make him stay on Seaview."

"So you're going to leave your very attractive, charming Captain alone? You think he isn't going to be lonely? You think no-one's going to make a play for him? There's a woman on my staff goes ga-ga every time he's in our office. He's not made of stone, he'll be very vulnerable - and so will you. I'm sorry to be going on this way, Harry but really you can be such an idiot. You've let the most important person in your life walk out the door." Jiggs leaned forward and said more quietly "I made that mistake forty years ago and I still regret it in my heart of hearts."

Nelson knew Jiggs was talking about his love affair with another man, a relationship he had broken off so he could join the navy. Jiggs almost never made reference to it, in fact Harry thought he was the only friend who knew about it.

"Jiggs, my brain believes you but my head keeps seeing him in the chopper wreckage."

"Then go and find him and start making new memories. Over time that one will fade - you know it will, Harry."

"I don't even know where he's gone, he could have flown back to NIMR."

"Then follow him. This place is rotting your brain. Where's your phone?" Starke phoned the institute and reached Angie. "This is Starke, have you heard from Crane, I need to get ahold of him....Look, I know he's not with Nelson, I'm with Nelson. I know he'd let you know where he is, he takes his job too seriously not to let someone know. Here's Nelson, I'm sure you can trust him!" he thrust the phone at Nelson.

"Hello, Angie, I really do need to get ahold of the Captain this evening...okay, no I understand. Uh huh. Thanks, Angie, I'll see you in a few days."

"Okay, he's at the Fairmont Hotel, I've even got the room number."

"Great, let's go before you think of anymore excuses. I'll drive behind you. Don't worry, I'm not following you all the way, I just want to make sure you're really going."

Nelson took some time to change and gather some of his and Lee's belongings. The he let Jiggs hustle him out of the house.

"I'll expect you to call me tomorrow. Just leave a message that all is well. You can thank me later. Bye, Harry."

*************

Nelson knocked on the door of Lee's 10th floor room. After a few moments he heard "Yes, who is it?"

"Lee, it's Harry, can I come in please?"

There was silence, then the door opened. "What do you want, Harry?"

Nelson quickly entered the room and pushed the door closed and took Lee into his arms. For over a minute he just held him tight. Then he loosened his grip and held Lee at arm's length. "After you left Jiggs came by. We talked and he wasn't any where near as polite as you've been. He told me a few home truths and made me take a hard look at what I'm doing, especially to you. Lee, I'm so sorry. Please will you try to forget this afternoon. Let me have tonight to try to put things right. I don't want to lose you, you really are all that matters to my life. Somehow I lost sight of that."

Lee was leaning back against the door watching Nelson intently. He decided the remorse in Harry's eyes was genuine and he knew he didn't really want to end their relationship, he couldn't even imagine a life without Harry in it - that was the whole problem. "Okay, you know I don't want us to be apart. I wouldn't offer to quit my job for just anyone. That wasn't an offer I made lightly, Harry." Lee leaned over to pick up his bag but dropped it again as the room spun around him.

"Lee!" Harry grabbed him as he swayed.

"I'm okay, Harry, really. I just missed lunch and threw up breakfast."

"You look like you've been doing a lot of that lately. You're way too thin."

"Well, my stomach's been in knots a lot, and since we docked I've been doing my Director of NIMR impression which doesn't leave much room for meals or sleep as you know."

Harry had helped Lee over to the bed, "Okay, everything off." Harry pulled one of the plush robes out of the closet. "Put this on, I'll order something from room service."

While Harry was on the phone Lee undressed slowly. He really was feeling rather shaky. After leaving Harry's he'd walked a couple of miles until he reached a gas station with a phone. He had decided against calling Jerry, he couldn't face going back to Santa Barbara yet. Instead he had called a taxi and checked into the Fairmont deciding to stay a couple of days and try to pull himself together.

He knew he could do it. When necessary he could hide his feelings behind what he knew Harry and Chip called his "navy facade." Lee preferred to think of it as being stoic. It rather played havoc with his temper and appetite but it could be done.

Although Lee was very glad to see Harry he was still waiting to find out just what Nelson had to say.

Nelson came over to the bed. "They said it should only take about 20 minutes, think you'll last that long? I ordered soup and sandwiches, something simple, and wine."

"Sandwiches and wine?"

"Well, I may need to get you drunk to have my way with you." Harry sat beside Lee and pulled him into his arms, he lowered his lips onto Lee's and started kissing him. What started as gentle light kissing soon progressed to the passionate stage with Harry sucking Lee's tongue into his mouth. Harry moved a hand under Lee's robe and starting pinching an already hard nipple. Lee was moaning into Harry's mouth, he grabbed Nelson and pulled him as he rolled them both over on the bed. Lee ended up on top of Harry, panting and trying to catch his breath. "God, Harry, I'm definitely going to forget this afternoon if you keep this up." He bent to kiss Nelson and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Lee," Harry pushed at him and squirmed out from under Lee, "I'm going to have to open the door in a couple of minutes and I don't want to be too obviously about to fuck you. Now, get into bed!"

"Okay, okay, I probably haven't got the energy to do all the things I want to do so I'll wait for the food."

"Are you still hurting love?" Nelson stroked Lee's left side where his ribs had been damaged.

"Aches a bit sometimes, nothing much. There's nothing wrong with me that can't be fixed, Harry by hearing the right words from you." Lee looked up at Nelson from under his lashes as he said this.

Harry took a breath to reply just as someone knocked at the door.

Harry tipped the room service clerk and pulled the trolley into the room. He took the bowl of soup over to Lee and handed him a spoon. "Eat." he said sternly.

By the time Lee had eaten the soup Harry had opened the wine and brought the large assortment of sandwiches over to the bed. He passed Lee a plate and a glass of wine. "Dig in."

They sat quietly eating the sandwiches and sipping the wine. When Lee was full he leaned back against the pillows. "Thanks, Harry, I needed that." He sipped the wine and smiled at Nelson over the rim of the glass.

"You're full?"

"Very full."

Harry piled everything back on the trolley - except the wine - and pushed it out into the hall. Then he returned to the bed and sat alongside Lee. "Okay, now that you're not about to pass out from lack of food - Jiggs said a few things that maybe helped me put things in perspective. Most of them were things you said as well but I guess I didn't want to listen to you because I know you always put my needs first and yours at the bottom of the list. But I guess I am being unrealistic to think I won't miss Seaview. Let's face it, I love my work and I love the excitement. But most of all I love you and I'm an idiot for risking what we have. I'm not going to say it isn't still painful thinking of what the future may hold, but Jiggs is right, I've got to make new memories to bury that horrifying one."

"Thank you, Harry." Lee said quietly. He leaned over and kissed Nelson softly, holding Harry's face in his hands as he kissed his eyelids, brow and then lips. After a couple of minutes he stopped, Nelson opened his eyes to see Lee looking at him, a devilish smile on his face. "I think I'll start creating those memories for you right now." He shrugged out of the robe and quickly straddled Nelson where he sat on the bed leaning back against the pillows.

Lee leaned in against Nelson's lips and this time his kisses were more intense and Harry felt his body responding. Not only was Lee trying to swallow his tongue and bite his lips, he was rubbing his groin up and down over Harry's groin and his cock, already iron hard, was prodding Harry's stomach. Harry felt his own erection growing as he lost himself in Lee's hot mouth.

Lee pulled back gasping, he grabbed Harry's shirt and too impatient to disrobe him slowly, tore it open. "Lee!"

"Sorry, Harry, been wanting you for so long and this morning was more like an appetizer, need you, need to be in you." He already had Harry's belt and trousers undone and he quickly peeled them down and threw them to the floor to join the shirt.

"God, Harry, you look wonderful, and you're tanned! But I still like this pale area best" and he dove down to Harry's groin. Harry gasped as Lee took his swollen cock deep into his mouth and started sucking. But Lee only kept it up for a couple of minutes.

"Harry, I can't wait, I have to be in you!"

"Then go ahead love, I want it as much as you."

Lee looked around the room and spotted his bag, he was off the bed, reaching into the bag, then back on the bed before Harry had a chance to miss him.

"Need this Harry." said Lee as he uncapped their tube of lubricant, "because it's going to be hard and fast." Crane was rubbing the gel over his own cock. He bent to Harry's chest and fastened his lips on Harry's left nipple, his right hand moved between Harry's legs and his well lubricated fingers moved into Harry's ass, twisting and probing to get Harry ready for his entry.

"Oh Lee..." Harry was writhing on the bed, "please, hurry." he gasped.

Lee raised up from Harry's nipple and looked into Harry's eyes, their bright blue seemed to be alight with sparks and sweat glistened on Harry's brow, his auburn hair on the white pillows contrasting so beautifully with the bright blue eyes.

"Won't be long sweetheart." Lee bent to Harry's right nipple as his fingers continued their ministrations in Harry's ass. When he nudged against Harry's prostate Nelson almost came off the bed.

Lee withdrew his fingers and positioned himself between Harry's legs. Pulling Nelson's legs around him he slid into Harry in one smooth motion. "Oh Harry, so soft and warm, want to stay like this forever." Lee started thrusting inside Harry. Harry looked at him from between his own slitted eyes, Lee's eyes were closed, "Look at me Lee," Nelson asked, "I want to see your eyes."

Lee grunted, "Not going to last long, this is too good and it's been so long.." he'd already picked up the pace of his own movements. His right hand gripped Harry's iron hard cock and stroked it, he leaned over and kissed Harry hard. For several minutes the only sound in the room was the sound of flesh slapping against flesh and kissing and moaning. Suddenly Lee straightened up, his grip on Harry's cock tightening and his other hand stroking Harry's balls.

"Come with me, Harry," he gasped. Harry felt his own climax building as Lee picked up his stroking of Harry's cock and he leaned over to once again take one of Harry's nipples into his mouth.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming Lee, squeeze me harder, do it harder.." Harry was gripping the sheets trying not too explode until Lee did .

Lee was thrusting into him so hard the bed was hitting the wall "..oh God, I'm coming." and as he exploded inside Harry, his head thrown back, Harry also came, his seed spilling onto his stomach and chest.

The force of his orgasm had left Lee dizzy and he leaned over Nelson for a minute or two trying to bring his breathing back under control. Once he had control again he leaned forward to lick some of Nelson's cream from his chest and moved up to kiss him deeply, sharing the taste with Harry. "Harry, love you so much, that was great." he was still trying to catch his breath as he lay beside Nelson. "I couldn't only do this a few times a year, Harry, and I don't mean just the sex, much as I love it. I love you in every way, mentally, spiritually and physically. I need to see you, talk to you and hold you as much as possible, every day is just about perfect. Three or four times a year would have broken my heart. You really are coming back aren't you?"

Harry sometimes forgot just how vulnerable his commanding, practical Captain could be. He turned on his side and pulled Lee into his arms, Lee tucked his head onto Nelson's shoulder. "Yes, Lee, I'm coming home, I lost track of what really mattered, lost it in the horror of that helicopter crash. I'm not going to forget that easily, Lee, but I'm willing to try."

"Thanks, Harry," Lee kissed Harry's shoulder. "I'm going to have a nap now, okay?"

"Go ahead love, I'll be here when you wake up." Nelson pulled a blanket up to cover them both as Lee settled down, his head against Nelson's shoulder. The Admiral heard him give a contented sigh and within minutes his soft breathing told the Admiral that his Captain was asleep.

Nelson kept his arm wrapped protectively around Lee's shoulder.

Jiggs was right, he needed to build new memories, he would return to his normal life and continue his adventures on Seaview, his beloved Captain at his side. Feeling more cheerful that he had in many weeks

Nelson too drifted off to sleep.

END