THE LION AND THE LAMB

by Alexis Rogers

Authors Note: This story is fanfiction based on "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea". Without knowledge of the first show of the series, "Eleven Days to Zero", parts of the story aren't going to make any sense. This is an Irwin Allen production, so the plots are hokey and the dialogue is sometimes stilted and the monsters are made out of garbage bags, but the show ran for four years and held the record of longest running sci fi show until "Star Trek: The Next Generation". I should know, I watched it. And it had something that I didn't really see in "Star Trek: the original series": relationship

The first time I saw the scene in sick bay with the Captain in bed and the Admiral leaning over and caressing his cheek, we didn't even have a name for it. Now we call it "slash".

"Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" is currently airing on Sci-Fi in the U.S. There was also a movie by the same name and the episode "Eleven Days to Zero" is one half of the plot of that movie but with different actors.

The players: Admiral Harriman Nelson -- Richard Basehart Captain Lee Crane -- David Hedison Lt. Cmdr. Chip Morton -- Robert Dowdell Dr. Fred Wilson -- Eddie Albert "Eleven Days to Zero"

Airdate: 09/16/64 (which means all of us were much younger)

Writer & Director: Irwin Allen

The pilot episode introduces the submarine *Seaview* and it's creator, Admiral Nelson. The opening narration describes the boat as "an instrument of marine research, while secretly the mightiest weapon afloat." [It was a *spy* vessel.]

Enroute to an emergency summit concerning unusual natural disasters, Nelson and the *Seaview*'s commander, Captain John Phillips (Bill Hudson), are ambushed and Phillips are killed. Nelson survives and presents his plan to counteract an impending earthquake using a nuclear device planted at the polar cap. The new captain is Commander Crane and he heads the submarine away at flank speed.

The plot has major holes and the military details are terrible inaccuraty. I used the show as cannon, while trying to keep historical data correct.

The VBS characters all belong to Irwin Allen and whomever gained the rights after he died, as do *Seaview* and the Nelson Marine Institute. It is not my purpose to infringe upon the rights of any of the legal owners. It is my purpose to fill in what I think are missing scenes.

"The Lion and the Lamb" is a little known piece by a well known performer. I didn't asked him if I could use it. The boys from Berkeley are mine, and include Charlie Bamia, Lloyd Lawson, Cary Roberts, Kenneth Powers, and Danny.

This story provides the beginning of my boys from Berkeley. I had to do some time shifting in order to bring those characters into the current time period for use with my "Cape" series, but the last episode of "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" provided me with a handy dandy time machine to do just that.

A special thanks to Bill for his editing. It was my intention to make this a *time* accurate piece but with the *cannon* of the show, that was not possible. Gay life is not quite right for the time periods shown and if I rewrite the story for professional sale, I will endeavor to correct that. I think gay fiction should represent gay life as accurately as possible. Since this work was just for fun and I wanted places for the guys to dance, I wrote it that way, although I understand there were no public places for gay men to dance in the 1950s.

by Alexis Rogers

Sat 22 Feb 64
Arlington, Virginia

"Ring, damn you, ring!" he ordered the phone as he paced the small living room of his Arlington apartment. In a fit of frustration, he snatched the receiver and dialed the operator. "This is Commander Crane. Will you please check this line?"

"Certainly, sir. Please hang up and I'll ring back."

"Crane," he barked as he grabbed the phone before it completed its first ring.

"This is the operator, Commander. Your line is working perfectly."

"Thank you, operator."

Damn it, Harry, where are you? He toured the room and stopped to caress the pewter model of the *Seaview*, the only thing of the Admiral's that he could display openly. It sat with a group of other model ships on a specially built shelf. Lee smiled as he remembered his time in Harry's command on the *Nautilus*. Then he had moved on to the *Scorpion*, then to XO on the *California*, and now captain of the nuclear submarine *Hyman G. Rickover*.

He and the Admiral were supposed to have had dinner tonight at eight, and it was now nine thirty. Harry had promised to call when he got to Washington so they could confirm the time. And no call. They had not seen each other in months, and this time it was only to be for dinner, because Harry had to fly right back to California.

Lee had hoped these new tight jeans would convince his lover to stay longer, but dinner was better than nothing. And now it looked like there would not even be dinner. What happened and where the hell are you?

He fingered the sweater he was wearing, a gift from Harry, purchased in Ireland. Lee thought about the last time he and the Admiral had eaten at Fultons. It was fall, before the world had ended, before John Kennedy had been killed.

The countryside had been a blaze of color and everything was perfect. Dinner. Old Town Alexandria. Fultons: a place that looked like it had been added onto every time a nearby space was available.

The restaurant was a rabbit-warren of twists and turns with intimate, darkened booths tucked in every corner. The discreet waiters never approached a table without a small noise to announce their arrival, so he and the Admiral had actually held hands.

After dinner they had taken Lee's 1963 red Corvette Stingray out on the highway, and drove down through Virginia until they found a charming inn that looked large enough to offer the anonymity they required. It was their habit to pick places at random to avoid anyone knowing their plans.

That night's choice had been decorated in old Victorian and the canopy bed had been wonderful. The Admiral's energy and enthusiasm left Lee breathless. The man was tireless and the sex was incredible. {So where are you tonight?} He paced and then sat, worried, wanting to go for a run, until he finally dozed off sitting on the sofa.

When the doorbell woke him, Lee jumped up and flung the door open. "Admiral?"

He ran his hand over his face and looked at his watch. Midnight.

"Afraid not, Commander," said a startled ensign whose name tag identified him as Collins. "May I come in, sir? I have urgent orders for you."

"Certainly, Mr. Collins." Motioning him inside, Lee closed the door. He was uncomfortably aware how tight and wrinkled his clothes were.

"I have top-secret orders for you, Commander. A car is outside and I'm to wait while you get your gear."

Motioning for the young man to sit down, Lee took the sealed envelope. It contained naval orders for him to report to Admiral Harriman Nelson in California as quickly as possible. A letter from the Secretary of the Navy explained that Captain John Phillips had been killed and *Seaview* needed a new captain. Now.

He was so startled that he almost dropped the papers.

"Problems, sir?"

"More like a surprise. Do you know anything about this?"

"No sir. I'm supposed to escort you to a helicopter at National Airport for transport to Quantico, ASAP. My boss said those orders came from the White House, so, sir, may I suggest you hurry?" Ensign Collins was clearly nervous.

"Oh, yes, certainly." Orders in hand, Lee hurried to his bedroom, packed a duffel bag and his travel bag, then changed into his uniform. The need for speed pushed all other thoughts from his mind.

As they rushed through traffic in a Navy car with lights flashing and sirens screaming, Lee barely caught a glimpse of the eternal flame as they crossed the bridge. He always went to the grave when he was home and he wondered if the pain would ever lessen. It must be even more difficult for the Admiral.

"Ensign, I understand the need to hurry, but don't you think this speed is a little ridiculous?"

"Sorry, sir," replied Ensign Collins, "but my orders are to get you there fast."

"Well, I don't mind driving fast, but I like it better when I'm in control." Lee hugged the door as they careened around a corner and slowed slightly before rushing into a private road at National.

"Your chopper's ready for take-off the minute you're aboard. Remember to duck, sir." Ensign Collins braked the car to a halt and opened the door. "Good luck, sir."

Before Crane was secure in his seat, the chopper was in the air. There was too much noise for conversation, so he sat back and wondered what was going on. The Admiral had not called or shown up for dinner, but instead arranged for Lee to be ordered to *Seaview*. As quickly as possible. Orders from the White House. John Phillips dead. No, John Phillips killed. And Harry needs me.

The helicopter set down next to a Navy fighter with its engines screaming. The helicopter pilot shouted over the noise, "That's your taxi, Commander. I was told to tell you to get over there P.D.Q."

Lee grabbed his bags, waved at the pilot, and ran to the fighter. He tossed his bags up to the fighter pilot and climbed the ladder. "Sure wish I knew why I'm needed in such a damn big hurry," he yelled. He tried not to smile when he thought that maybe Harry was just hornier than usual, but knew the Admiral would never abuse his power for personal reasons.

"Welcome aboard, Commander Crane. I'm Lieutenant Davidson. Ever been in one of these babies?"

Crane his bags into the second set, climbed in, sat down, strapped in and put the helmet on. "No disrespect intended, Lieutenant, but I'm in the Navy. I drive a boat."

Laughing, Davidson climbed into the pilot's seat. "Well, Commander, it seems your boat's in the Pacific and I'm supposed to get you there in one hell of a big hurry, and this baby can satisfy the need for speed. Want to tell me what all the excitement's about?"

"Less than two hours ago I received orders from the White House to get to California. But I'm just a sub driver and no one explains orders to me."

"Get comfortable back there because this flight has no amenities. I take you up, we refuel somewhere over Kansas, and I put you down in California." Davidson's voice cut off as he placed his helmet on his head. "Can you hear me on your intercom?"

"It's a little tinny, but you're clear." Crane settled back and secured himself in the seat.

"You said White House, Commander. Do you know the President?"

"Not this one. I worked with Mr. Kennedy and Admiral Nelson on several projects. The President was an extraordinary man."

"I can't believe that one crazy man could take so much away from us. I don't think this country will ever be the same," Davidson said, as he brought the engines to full power. There's still Bobby. Maybe we do have a chance, after all.

Crane was thrown back into the seat as the plane launched into the dark night. He closed his eyes and decided to sleep now because there probably would not be time to sleep later. Time passed but sleep refused to come. It had nothing to do with the screaming jet engines or roaring wind or shaky ride. He had slept under rougher conditions.

This wakefulness was the direct result of the questions and images flickering across the viewscreen in his mind, which Lee wished he could turn off. He was worried about Harry. What if whomever killed John Phillips had tried to kill Harry? What if Harry had been injured and that was why he had not called? What if, what if, what if?

Lee stopped himself and focused on the solid reality of the plane and his flight.

Lee opened his eyes and watched, fascinated, when the pilot announced it was time to refuel. When it was finished, and they were streaking over the clouds again, Lee smiled as he realized he had not thought of Harry in at least ten whole minutes.

"Go back to sleep, Commander. We've got about an hour and a half to go," the pilot's tinny voice informed Lee.

He sighed. Another hour and a half before he could hold his lover in his arms. Sleep was out of the question. All Lee could think about was Harry waiting, probably impatiently, for Lee to appear. Images of happy times they shared together flitted across Lee's mind and eventually coalesced into the treasured memory of his and Harry's first sexual encounter almost ten years ago. It was one of the most profound events of his life.
* * * * *

Wed 14 Apr 54
Pearl Harbor, Hawaii

The *Nautilus* had docked at Pearl Harbor for supplies, repairs and shore leave. Lee left the base with a group of other young officers, dressed in civilian clothes, and headed for the nearest bar. As the night wore on and Lee followed the group of men from bar to bar, he grew weary of the smell of stale cigarette smoke, sour beer, and dirty heads. He tried to fake an interest in the local girls, but they all looked too young to drink.

Growing restless and bored, he announced a trip to the can and slipped out the back door. He wandered aimlessly through the dark, narrow streets until midnight when, turning a corner, he caught a quick glimpse of two men embracing. He watched riveted, as they stepped through a door illuminated by a dim neon sign.

He waited a moment, then followed them in. It wasn't until he entered the murky, smoke-filled room that he acknowledged to himself what he wanted. The place was only half full but Lee instantly recognized the redhead sitting at the bar under the only electric light in a room of flickering candles. Even though the hair was tousled and the man had taken off his military decorum along with his uniform, there was no mistaking the identity or the order when Admiral Harriman Nelson stood and pointed a finger to a back corner, signaling Lee to join him.

"Admiral," Lee whispered as he dropped onto the bench in the booth across the table from Nelson, "what're you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." Nelson sipped amber liquor from a tumbler, and from the look in his eyes, it wasn't his first drink.

"Sir? How could you be? I didn't even know this place was here."

"Relax, laddie. Slouch a little. Don't sit *at attention* and for God's sake don't call me *sir*." He waved at the bartender when the man looked in their direction. "Bring me another and one for my friend."

"Admiral, I --"

Nelson grabbed Lee's arm and pinned it to the table. "Damn it, kid, you've been around this block before. You know the rules. If you have to call me anything, make it Harry."

"Well -- Harry -- just what makes you think I've been around any block, much less this one? Just what kind of man do you think I am?" Pulling his arm away from Nelson, Lee downed the scotch in one gulp. It burned his throat and slammed into his stomach. He waved the empty glass at the bartender.

"I've watched you for months and I know exactly what kind of man you are. I knew you'd be on the prowl tonight. Oh, you're good and you're certainly very careful, but then so am I. People like us have to be." The Admiral paused as the bartender set another drink in front of Lee. "When I saw you leave the base tonight, dressed in those pants, I knew where you were going."

"Admiral -- ah, how could you know anything, especially when I hadn't planned it myself? I just got restless and went exploring." Lifting his fresh drink, Lee watched warily over the rim of the glass.

"No, laddie. You're not that innocent. I've been doing this a lot longer than you have and I know exactly what you're feeling. Watching your friends pair off with the girls on the strip didn't do anything for you except define your own needs, until you finally gave in and searched for a place like this. You don't care what *man* you find tonight, but I wanted it to be me."

Lee downed the scotch while a hundred warnings screamed in his head. "Easy with that stuff."

"Admiral," he hesitated, "I've never fucked around with my commanding officer and I don't intend to start now." Lee rose from the bench.

Nelson grabbed Lee's arm and forced him back into his seat. "Sit, you little prick-tease and listen! And call me Harry," the Admiral hissed. "I'm risking my career just being here. I've watched you flaunt your perfect body and your perfect ass, fishing to see who might take the bait. I know all the signs and all the tricks of the trade." He downed the last of his scotch. "You don't care who fucks you tonight, so it might as well be me." He paused. "I hope to God you're worth it."

Lee was caught between the desire to run out of the bar and the fierce sexual response he felt to this man who held him riveted to his chair by the power of the fire in bright blue eyes, not by the restraint on his arm. "If I wasn't worth it, old man, you wouldn't be here."

"Follow me!" Nelson ordered as he walked to the bar and handed the bartender money for a key, then held a curtain open at the back of the room and waited until Lee preceded him.

In the narrow corridor were several doors marked *Men's Room* and *Exit*, but Nelson used the key to open an unmarked door, revealing a steep staircase. At the top of the stairs was another dim hallway with more silent doors. Nelson used the same key to open number five and invited Lee into the room.

Inside, a small lamp on a rickety table cast a dim pool of light on a double bed with a worn chenille spread. On the other side of the bed, a bamboo table held a stack of towels and a basin of water.

Emotions coursed through Lee. He was not in control of the situation and was disgusted by the sleazy surroundings. To get this personal with his commanding officer made him extremely uneasy. He was angry with himself for not leaving the bar. On top of everything else, he was so turned on that the stuffy air in this decrepit room was making him dizzy. He wished the window were open.

"How much skulking around back alleys is required to find a place like this?"

When Nelson glared at him, Lee added insolently, "Sir!"

"At least it's more discreet than those painted on pants and the stuffing. Or is the bulge in your pants the real thing?"

Tension crackled in the air. "Since you've obviously been watching me, probably in the shower and the gym, you know damn well I don't need to stuff my pants, Admiral. How about you? I expect to get as good as I give."

"Cocky bastard, aren't you? I can assure you experience is worth more than adolescent bravado and excess testosterone."

"Talk, talk, talk. I'd say it was time to put up or shut up. Sir!" He ran the tip of his tongue around his lips. "Get out of those pants." Clipped words of a man used to giving orders. "Or I'll make you come while you're still wearing them."

Staring into the Admiral's blue eyes, Lee felt the power of this man again. When the Admiral cupped Lee's balls through the fabric, Lee trembled and knew Nelson could make good his boast. Without breaking eye contact, Lee fumbled with his belt buckle.

With the Admiral's help Lee peeled his pants down his legs and left them, along with his shoes, on the floor. Standing in shirt and socks, Lee watched as the Admiral dropped to his knees and kissed Lee's cock. "Looks like you're more than ready for me. I'd guess you wait until your resolve is depleted before you go cruising and by then you're so hot you come the instant you're touched."

Lee thought about defending himself, but the Admiral's hands short-circuited his brain. "I'm going to have an appetizer, then you'll be ready for the real action." The Admiral licked drops from the tiny slit. "You taste so good." Nelson worked Lee's cock into his mouth ever so slowly, then released it.

Lee's senses were overwhelmed. His commanding officer and former teacher at Annapolis was another fag, and had quite deliberately set a trap to catch him; Lee hated being so turned on by the danger and the intrigue.

"You're incredible," The Admiral murmured, using the tip of one finger to trace a line around Lee's cock and over the wet head. After teasing the opening, the Admiral tickled the balls. Lee trembled and leaned forward to support himself on his companion's shoulders.

There was an urgent gentleness in the Admiral's touch that Lee had never experienced before. When Nelson took the engorged cock into his mouth and down his throat, Lee lost all coherent thought. Left in its place were sensations of color and heat.

After climaxing, Lee slumped against the Admiral's body and wished they were lying on the bed because he wanted to hold this man.

Nelson stood up and popped Lee's bare ass. "On the bed, laddie," the Admiral ordered as he pulled the thin cover off and dropped it to the floor. The sheets looked clean and very white in the darkened room.

Before pushing Lee toward the bed, the Admiral pulled Lee's shirt over his head. Lee flopped down across the bed, his arms and legs spread-eagled, revealing the body he worked to keep fit, trim and enticing. Holding eye contact with the Admiral while he removed his baggy clothes, Lee noticed that his companion hadn't bothered with undergarments either.

Having already experienced the intensity and strength the Admiral generated, Lee decided not to judge the man by his appearance. The Admiral was shorter in height than Lee by at least six inches, and was slightly pudgy with middle age. His body was covered with freckles and fine reddish blond hair that ran in a line down to a nice basket.

When the Admiral pressed his body on top of Lee's, he experienced the power of the man at every contact point. Even so, Lee was unprepared for the effect when his mouth was covered by the Admiral's, the taste of semen fresh and strong. With the Admiral's tongue in his mouth and the Admiral's cock covering his own, an electrical current shot through Lee. He wrapped his arms and legs around the Admiral's body, pulling the man as close as possible.

The Admiral's actions dominated and overwhelmed Lee's senses. Nelson reached beyond Lee and pulled a towel from the table. He pushed one hand under Lee's hips. "Lift. I hate sticky sheets."

"Don't you want me to turn over?"

"Then I couldn't see your face, and, my handsome young lieutenant, I definitely want to see your face."

"Sir, in my trips around this block, nobody wants to see anyone's face." Lee squirmed as the Admiral's fingers drew circles on his inner thighs.

"Well," Nelson said as he backed off the bed and rummaged around in his discarded clothing, "I guess we'll just have to add a detour on this trip." He crawled back onto the bed, kneeling between Lee's legs, and dropped oil on his palms. "I want you to watch everything I do." Holding Lee's gaze, "Understand?"

"Yes, sir." Lee gulped as his cock was stroked and his balls tickled. The Admiral slipped his hand under Lee's balls, and said, "Relax, laddie. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to start with my finger. Feel it go into your body. Look at me!"

"Yes, sir."

Nelson's blue eyes held Lee's with a power his mind didn't understand, but his body did.

"Make yourself useful, laddie. Use the oil. Get me ready."

Lee squirmed on the Admiral's finger as he reached for the bottle lying on the bed. The Admiral's cock was thick, hot and heavy, pulsing with life as Lee caressed it.

"Two fingers, now. Easy. Play with me. You have to take two fingers or you'll never take my prick."

Lee arched his back in response to the Admiral's fingers.

"Good boy. Can you take my cock?"

"Yes, sir," Lee mumbled as he squirmed to impale himself deeper on the invading fingers.

"Feel how thick my cock is? Do you want it?" Nelson pulled his fingers out, then rammed them in again.

Wrapping his hand around the Admiral's cock, Lee gripped hard and pumped. "I want it."

"It's going to get even bigger when it rams into your tight butt, laddie."

"You bastard. Stop bragging and just do it." Lee's body was on fire. "What do you want me to do? Beg?"

The Admiral's eyes burned with passion. "Yes, Lieutenant, *beg* me for it."

"Shove your cock up my ass! Now! I need it now!"

"Are you ready for me?" The Admiral's voice was husky with desire.

"Yes, damn it!" Lee shouted, then paused, lowered his eyelashes, and whispered, "Please."

"Lift your legs and put them over my shoulders. Here, scoot over just a bit so I can kneel here. Good." Removing his fingers, Nelson placed his cock at the entrance to Lee's body. "Watch me, Lee! Share what I feel when I take you." Fire blazed in bright blue eyes as the Admiral eased himself into Lee, moving slowly. "Okay, laddie?"

"Harder, damn you, I'm not made of glass!" Lee arched his back, then pushed his legs against the Admiral's back to force the rigid cock further inside. He cried out as the Admiral completely impaled him. Pain and pleasure crashed together, echoing in Lee's mind.

Holding himself inside Lee, Nelson leaned forward and captured Lee's mouth. Then, rocking gently, the Admiral whispered, "Move with me, watch me, talk to me. Tell me what you feel."

"Fire, Admiral, fire everywhere, especially where you touch me." Lee moaned, "I feel like I have lava in my veins."

"Good." Gripping Lee's shoulders, Nelson groaned as he pulled out slowly, then pushed in again.

"Harder! Don't tease me anymore."

"Patience, laddie. We'll get there. You need to catch up with me. I don't know how much time you need to recharge, so you're going to have to tell me when you're ready."

"Will you just shut up and fuck me!"

Thrusting slowly, "No, my handsome young lieutenant, I will not shut up and fuck you. I've waited a long time to do this and I'm going to make love to you, all night, if you have the staying power."

"Power? I'll show you power, sir." Lee reached forward, lifting his shoulders off the bed and reached around to grab his companion's buttocks, changing the force of the rhythm.

The Admiral whimpered, ramming himself hard into Lee and pressing down on Lee's groin. "Come with me, Lee, don't push me too fast." His words were hissed between gulps of air. "I'm going to spoil you for anyone else."

"Is that all you ever do? Talk?"

The Admiral drew in a deep breath, then brushed his lips over Lee's. "Laddie, I'm so good with words I can make you come without ever touching you."

Lee was immersed in sensations from the Admiral's physical touch inside and outside his body and the incredible images produced by the Admiral's boast. As Lee tried to keep his eyes focused on the Admiral's, his mind dissolved into billowing sheets of red and yellow flame. "Now! Admiral! Now!"

The force of Lee's climax caused his muscles to clamp even tighter around the Admiral's cock. The Admiral's body went rigid as he filled Lee's ass.

The hands on Lee's shoulders relaxed as the Admiral collapsed across Lee's chest, panting. When his breathing quieted, the Admiral stroked Lee's face and asked, "Fire out yet?"

"Mostly, sir, but there may still be some smoldering embers."

"Good. We're not through yet. But right now it's time for cuddles and kisses."

"Cuddles and kisses?" "Yeah, you know, laying here while our bodies quiet down and I can hear your heart beat and listen to you breathe and feel the life in your gorgeous young body. Recharge our batteries, so to speak." Nelson's lips touched Lee's eyes, cheeks and lips. Lee moaned into the Admiral's mouth.

After several long kisses, Lee's body trembled and he tightened his grip on the man in his arms. "You've never done this before, have you?"

"Kissing? Like that?" Lee was still breathless. "Not exactly, sir."

"But you do like it?"

Ignoring such a silly question, Lee pulled the Admiral's mouth back down to his own, exploring with his tongue.

"Easy, laddie, we have all night." Lee ran his fingertip over Nelson's lips. "Your mouth is so beautiful. Your lips are soft and warm."

"Careful, or I might get the impression that you're a romantic at heart."

"I don't think so, sir. It's just that in my world there's seldom time or interest for more than a quick suck or fuck."

"That's too bad because there are so many things to do, so many pleasures to explore and I'd like to explore them all with you." The Admiral drew his fingers down Lee's arm, then laced his fingers through Lee's. "Even lying here holding your hand is very pleasurable. You have the most beautiful hands I've even seen. Your fingers are so long and elegant."

It was silent in the room as Nelson stroked Lee's fingers.

"And then what?" Lee asked.

"And then my eager young lieutenant," the Admiral raised his head and looked into Lee's eyes, "you're going to make love to me."

"Oh?" Lee shivered. "Ever done that before?"

"Well . . ."

"That's what I thought. Your education is seriously lacking. I'm going to teach you to double your pleasure. The most important lesson you need to learn, laddie, is that making love is ever so much more enjoyable than just fucking. There's a world of difference between them, and I want you to know and understand that. I told you that experience was more important than youth, and I'm going to prove it to you. Before this night is over, I want to feel you inside me. I want your long cock so far inside of me that it reaches my heart."

Lee could hardly wait. He had occasionally thought of trying to fuck one of his bar pick-ups, but they were always such quick encounters and Lee could not get beyond the need to have his own ass penetrated. He only wanted to satisfy his own particular needs, then hide from them again.

After long minutes of lying quietly in the dim room, the Admiral rolled off the bed and washed his hands in the basin of water. "This is where I'd like to take you in the shower, but we don't have one."

"No shower? How about a john, Admiral?"

"Down the hall. But don't clean yourself, I want to do it."

"Everywhere?"

"Yes, laddie, I want to clean every part of your body."

Dropping a kiss on the Admiral's mouth, Lee wrapped the bedspread around himself and slipped out the door. When he returned, the Admiral had straightened the sheets, fluffed the pillows, and closed the window. Nelson took the bedspread and left the room. Lee stared out the window into the dark night thinking about how crazy life was.

A few minutes later, he heard the door open and click shut again. "Lee," the Admiral whispered into his ear, "ready to come back to bed?"

"Yes, sir. What's next?"

"You lie down on the bed so I can wash you." The Admiral wet a towel in the basin and grabbed a dry one as well. He sat on the bed next to Lee and began under his chin, wiping in slow wide circles. When the Admiral reached Lee's nipples, he substituted his mouth for the wet towel and worked each nipple until it was pebble hard. Lee's cock stirred. The Admiral then used the wet towel on the sticky mess all over Lee's flat belly, and patted the area dry before he kissed Lee's bellybutton. Stroking gently, the Admiral used the towel to clean Lee's genitals and inner thighs thoroughly, then blew slowly to dry the area.

By the time the Admiral had finished the intimate cleaning, Lee was hard again. "I'll bet no one's ever done that to you, either, have they?"

"No, sir."

The Admiral tossed the two towels on the floor and lay next to Lee. "Okay, laddie, I'd like for you to clean me now."

"Yes, sir." Lee turned on his side and cupped the Admiral's face. He kissed the Admiral's eyes, his nose, then his mouth, again and again. Lee worked the Admiral's nipples to hardness, then carefully wiped all the evidence of their lovemaking from the rounded tummy and carefully washed his companion's cock and balls, paying particular attention to his inner thighs.

The Admiral responded to the caresses. "You always were a fast learner," Nelson mumbled.

When Lee finished, he cuddled up to the Admiral for another long, sweet kiss. "Now what, professor?"

"There are so many choices. What do you feel like doing? What would your partner enjoy? You're only limited by your own imagination."

"So I'm learning." Lee licked and kissed the Admiral's cock. "You taste wonderful."

"Ummmmm," the Admiral moaned. "That feels so good. You give great head."

"So do you," Lee murmured, stopping long enough to kiss the Admiral's mouth. When Lee broke the kiss, he was trembling and his voice was shaky. "I want to make love to you, and I want to make it special for you."

"You will, as long as you prepare us both properly. And, my dear Lieutenant, preparation is half the fun." The Admiral stroked Lee's cheek and smiled encouragingly.

Lee found the bottle of oil, soaked his fingers and teased the Admiral's tight ring of muscle. Lee was intrigued by the sight of his finger penetrating Nelson's body. The Admiral's body now seemed beautiful. "I want you so bad." Lee worked his finger in and out for several minutes, then applied more oil and inserted a second finger. Nelson moaned and moved his hips to force Lee's fingers in deeper.

"Look at my cock, Admiral. I'm about to pop just finger-fucking you. Never knew how hot it could be to do this." Lee removed his fingers and poured more oil in his hands.

"Your cock is so beautiful, long and hard and elegant, just like you. Silk over steel," the Admiral whispered. Lee blushed. "Get us ready, Lee, before we come looking at each other. Remember, the difference between fucking and making love is the pleasure you give to yourself and to your partner. There's a place for both. I want this to be special for you."

"Admiral, you're crazy. Or I am, because for the first time I can remember, I want this to be good for my partner. I want to please you. You made it so good for me."

"Then work those fingers, loosen the muscles. My body won't have any trouble accepting you."

"I feel like I'm fourteen years old again," Lee said as he followed the Admiral's instructions.

"Was that your first time?"

"Yes, sir."

"Bad?"

"No, not really. And it made some other things in my life a little easier." Lee pushed the bleakness away; there was no place for it in this room.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No, sir."

The Admiral stroked Lee's cock, teasing the wet head. "Okay, then let's talk about what we're doing right now. Are you ready?"

"I think so."

The Admiral's hands were driving Lee wild. "Okay, laddie, place the tip of your dick at the entrance as you slip your fingers out. Easy. Push past the resistance. Tell me what you feel."

"Oh, God, Admiral, you feel so good. It's like you're gripping me with your hand, only much harder. You're so tight."

"Look at me and push yourself all the way in. One stroke, Lee. Do it!"

When Lee had buried himself in the Admiral's body, he drew a shaky breath and leaned forward for another passionate kiss. "Jesus, sir," he gasped between short shallow breaths.

"You think you could call me Harry? I'd like to hear you say my name," the Admiral implored.

"I'll try, sir."

The Admiral's body rocked as he breathed words into Lee's mouth. "Don't just lie there. Fuck me." Nelson wrapped his legs around Lee, slamming Lee back each time he withdrew. It went on and on, the Admiral's body gripping and squeezing with exquisite pressure. Heat surrounded Lee's body until he felt engulfed by flames. He pushed himself in and out, fast, then slow, until there was no thought in his head but the Admiral.

"Look at me, don't close your eyes!" Nelson ordered.

"I can't, Harry, I can't," he yelled. "It feels too good. I can't wait. I'm going to explode." Lee almost fainted from the intensity, but the Admiral was holding him so tightly that Lee knew he was safe
* * * * *

Thu 15 Apr 54
Pearl Harbor, Hawaii

The first rays of light poking through the cracked window woke Lee. He stretched and the arm holding him tightened. Snuggling closer against the Admiral's body, Lee thought about the last few hours. He was more sexually satisfied than he had ever been, warm, secure, relaxed. His body ached deliciously and he was covered with sweat and sticky semen. He smiled when he remembered that Nelson hadn't felt like cleaning them up after that last time. They had both been totally exhausted and Lee never wanted to move from this spot.

"Morning, laddie. Time to get up and return to the real world."

"I like it here just fine," Lee murmured as he touched his lips to the Admiral's. "And since you're qn admiral, you could order me to stay here and spend all day like we spent all night."

"Can't do that."

"Ah, come on, Harry, let's play hooky this one time."

"Can't do it." The Admiral dropped kisses on Lee's face. "Let me up. You have to clean up and get back to the boat. Now scoot."

Wrapping the bedspread around his body, Lee peeked into the hallway, then dashed for the door at the end of the passage. He washed his face and wondered what other surprises the Admiral had in mind. {Amazing. Twenty-four hours ago you were the Admiral, my superior officer, my college professor. Now you're all that and much more: You're Harry.}

When he returned to the bedroom, the Admiral had wrapped a towel around his waist and was standing at the window, staring out, with a cigarette in his hand. The sunlight highlighted the golden streaks in the red hair and the sight made the breath catch in Lee's throat. The Admiral's body was limned in gold.

Walking up behind him, Lee dropped the bedspread and wrapped his arms around his new lover, his chin on the Admiral's shoulder. "The sunlight loves you. And if you'll come back to bed, I'll see what I can do for you as well."

"No, my handsome young Lieutenant. It's time for you to go."

"Regrets, Admiral?"

"Not for me, but I intended for you to be out of here before daylight. You were so beautiful sleeping in my arms that I couldn't bring myself to wake you. It's getting late and you must go quickly. You can't afford to be seen outside the normal off-duty areas and I don't want your career marked by this."

"So I went wandering around and got lost." Lee slipped his hand around the Admiral's cock, finding it hard. "Harry, we both know this wasn't a one night stand, so you better tell me the rules before we get back aboard. I've never been involved with anyone I work with."

"Me either. That's why I resigned my commission yesterday."

Lee whirled the Admiral around to face him. "You what?"

"I resigned from the Navy. Lee, I'm not going back to the *Nautilus*. I violated more rules and ethics and oaths than I care to count in order to spend last night with you. I'm prepared to pay for my actions."

"That's crazy!" Lee said, his voice tightly controlled.

"Maybe I am crazy, but at least I'm happy crazy." He wrapped his arms around Lee and kissed him. "You're worth the price and I don't regret paying it."

"Well, if we aren't going to be seeing one another later today, then come back to bed so I can take care of you now."

"No. I've satisfied my lust and put you in enough jeopardy. I can't risk causing you more harm." The Admiral trembled in Lee's arms.

"Well, maybe you think your lust is satisfied but your body has a different idea. Admiral, Harry, please come back to bed." Lee stroked Nelson's back and pressed himself close for another long kiss.

"Lieutenant, I order you out of this room and back to your boat."

"Sorry, sir. You resigned your commission and I don't take orders from civilians." He shoved the Admiral forward, forcing him onto the bed.
* * * * *

It was nearly noon when Lee made his way back to the *Nautilus*, ready to face the wrath of whomever was in charge now. The Admiral was gone and no amount of persuasion would make him reveal his destination. Lee felt as if he had found a new life and then lost it all in one night. Whatever happened on board could not change that, or the fact that his body still ached from his hours with the Admiral. Lee knew when those pains were gone, there would be a deeper ache in his heart because he already missed the beautiful redhead.

He squared his shoulders and boarded the ship, almost saluting the deck officer before he remembered he was in civilian clothes.

"Lieutenant Crane, you're late. Commander Morrison's orders are for you to report to his cabin the moment you step on board."

"Yes, sir. As soon as I change."

"Lieutenant, your orders are to report to the commander immediately."

"Yes, sir." Lee made his way into the ship, feeling strange on board in his disheveled cruising clothes.

The door to the Commander's quarters was standing open when Crane arrived. "Sir, you wanted to see me?"

"Lieutenant Crane, you're late and you're out of uniform."

"Yes, sir."

"Explanation?"

"None, sir." Thinking that maybe Nelson had lied, he added, "Permission to see Admiral Nelson, sir."

"Under normal circumstances, Lieutenant, that request would be denied. However, since the Admiral flew to Washington last night, your request is not only denied, it's impossible."

The commander showed signs of stress. {Last night, Harry?} "Then he's really gone?"

"You know something about the Admiral?"

"No, sir. Just heard a rumor, sir."

"It's an unexpected situation. I ordered shore leave canceled for all officers when I learned of the Admiral's departure. Shore Patrol couldn't locate you in the designated area, Lieutenant. Where were you?"

"I got bored with the bar scene and went exploring." He looked at his feet. "I got lost, sir." He tried to sound sheepish.

"You're restricted to the ship for the duration of our time in port and restricted to your quarters when not on duty, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." He turned to leave. "Sir, may I inquire as to the status of Admiral Nelson? Will he be back?"

"No, Lieutenant, you may not. Dismissed."
* * * * *

Sat 22 Feb 64

Aboard the F-14 jet Lee's cock tingled as he remembered that long-ago night which had had such a profound effect on his life. He remembered the feel of Harry's lips, his strong arms, his incredible body, and the love. He wondered where his life would be today if he had been able to consider the Admiral a one night stand, a fantastic one night stand, but nothing more.
* * * * *

Thu 3 Feb 55
Annapolis, Maryland

It had taken Lee almost ten months to find the Admiral. Being underwater in a submarine for many of those months made the search slow and frustrating. Lee had hit dead end after dead end in his investigation until he had been transferred to Norfolk and discovered the Admiral was teaching at Annapolis.

After requesting leave, Lee planned his encounter very carefully, making all the arrangements in advance; no sleazy back alley room for this rendezvous. All he had left to do was seduce an admiral who seemed to have gone to elaborate lengths to make himself unavailable.

Arriving before the Admiral's afternoon Marine Biology class, Lee placed a bright red apple in the center of the instructor's podium. He took a seat in the lecture hall where the Admiral would have no choice but to see him and he remembered all the hours he had spent in this room without understanding his teacher. His only regret today was that he had to wear his uniform instead of his tightest jeans, but civilian clothes would have made him stand out among the students and he did not want to be that obvious.

When the hall was about half full, Admiral Nelson walked in with several students. He noticed Lee immediately and stopped the conversation in mid-sentence. "May I assume, Lieutenant Crane, that you have permission to be in my classroom?"

Lee smiled, lowered his eyelashes, and watched the Admiral blush. "Certainly, sir."

"Then I'll expect you to participate. If I remember correctly, you did quite well in this class."

Lee shifted his hips in the chair as the Admiral spotted the apple. "Yes, sir." Lee smiled again and tossed a mock salute.

During the lecture, Lee never took his eyes from the Admiral and when he made eye contact, Lee would suck on his own finger or run his tongue across his lips. By the end of the hour the Admiral was leaning across the podium, gripping the sides with his hands. He stayed that way as students drifted to him with their questions after class. When the last student had left the hall, Lee stood up and walked slowly to the other side of the lectern. "'lo, Harry."

"What're you doing here?" Nelson whispered.

"Seducing you." Leaning forward, Lee whispered, "Something I should have done when I was your student."

"Why?"

"Because, you beautiful man, neither of us would have spent so many dark nights alone."

"I didn't know about you then, and even if I had, I wouldn't have pursued one of my students." The Admiral's words were shaky.

"But you seduced a junior officer."

Squaring his shoulders, Nelson replied, "Yes, Lee, I did, with premeditation, but I knew the price and was willing to pay it."

"And if I had approached you?"

"Lee, don't."

"What if I'm willing to follow you to the ends of the earth?"

"Why?"

"Because you spoiled me for anyone else, just liked you promised. I can't seem to think about anything else but you." He leaned further across the lectern. "And I'm going to kiss you right here if we don't go someplace more private. It's been so long since I kissed you. Strangers don't take the time for kissing."

"Lee, be reasonable. You're committing professional suicide." Nelson's hands were shaking as he gripped the wood.

Lee ran a quick finger over the stars on the Admiral's shirt collar. "I thought you resigned?"

"The Navy talked me out of leaving and offered to let me teach and do research here."

"And what do you do, Admiral, when you get the urge to seduce young officers in back-street bars?"

Nelson turned quickly and walked away. "Lee, please, don't be cruel."

The pain in the Admiral's voice was so strong, Lee felt it like a dagger in his heart. "Admiral, Harry, I'm sorry," he whispered as he followed the man across the room, "Please, have dinner with me."

"Lee, this is crazy. I told you I couldn't see you again."

"Admiral, I've had ten months to think about what happened between us and I want a chance to change your mind. I can't get the feel of you out of my mind, my body, or my heart. Maybe it won't be as good the next time around and we can part company knowing we aren't right for each other." He placed his hand on the Admiral's shoulder. "Dinner, please?"

Nelson shook his head.

"Turn around, Harry. Convince me that you don't feel anything for me and I'll walk out of here."

"You know perfectly well that I'm so turned on I might come in my pants. I'm angry and humiliated that you did this to me in public. Everyone in my classroom must have noticed how distracted I was today." Nelson turned, no, anger flashing in his eyes. "Are you satisfied?"

"No, I'm not satisfied. That'll have to wait until after dinner." Lee was overwhelmed by the visible pain. "Right now, I'm just asking you to share a meal with me. And then I want you to try to convince me that you haven't thought about me every minute of every day for the last ten months. Tell me that you don't project a picture of me in your mind every night when you go to sleep, that you don't feel my kisses on your lips, that you don't remember my cock pounding your ass when you jerk yourself off. Go ahead, Harry, tell me."

"It would be pointless to lie to you."

"Yes, sir, that's the way it looks." Gently touching the Admiral's shoulder, Lee headed them toward the door. "Can we please go someplace more private?"

Nelson led the way to his office, a small room tucked at the end of a hallway. It was as military tidy as if the Admiral was on board ship.

Inside the room Lee locked the door and embraced Harry, kissing him, slowly and gently. Lee was surprised that his own impulses were dampened by Harry's needs. "Professor, I think I need more lessons in how to make love. I don't seem to be able to do it right without you."

Not stepping out of the circle of Lee's arms, Nelson whispered, "I made a promise that if I could have one night with you, I'd never see you again."

"Who did you make this promise to?"

"Myself. It's my weakness and I won't hurt you."

"What if you're hurting me by shutting me out of your life? Harry, don't I get a vote? It's my life, too, you know." He rubbed his hands up and down the Admiral's back.

"Laddie, you're still wet behind the ears. You don't have a clue as to what living a secret life like this involves, what kind of hell you'd be putting yourself into."

"Admiral, I decided how to handle this side of my life when I first knew I wanted a naval career. And I was doing just fine until you seduced me in that bar in Honolulu."

"You think I don't know that?" Agony was strong in the Admiral's voice. "It was supposed to be one night, Lee. One night. Your way of handling your secret life was one-night stands in dingy bars, never knowing your partner's name. You've probably even hated yourself for your urges. You only knew you had to get fucked every now and then, or you'd go nuts. Well, I wanted one night, too, but I wanted a little more out of it. It seems we got more than either of us bargained for. But, Lee, it needed to end when we parted that day."

"Maybe you're that strong, Admiral, but I'm not. What you made me feel has driven me beyond all my self-control. I've picked up more guys in more bars these past months than I care to count, because I kept looking for you, for what we shared. Damn it, Harry, you did spoil me for anyone else. I need to know if what we experienced was really that special or some illusion I've carried in my head for the past ten months." He released the Admiral and went to stare out the small high window at the back of the room. "Dinner, Harry, please talk to me." Nelson slumped down in his desk chair. "Does it matter to you that you're driving me crazy?" Lee turned to face the Admiral. "Does it matter to you that you made me crazy that night, and every night since then?" When Nelson didn't respond, Lee pressed him, "Admiral, this isn't your problem or my problem, it's our problem, and the only way we can solve it is to work on it together."

"So you want me to meet you for dinner and problem solving?"

"Sir, I think it's the best place to start. Maybe you can hide here in these hallowed halls, but I can't."

"Okay. Dinner. Where shall I meet you?"

"My first choice is room service at the Monticello," he held up his hand when Harry started to protest, "but there's a nice little restaurant near the hotel. If you wear civilian clothes, we could look like two businessmen in a public place."

Running his hand over his face, Nelson nodded. "Okay. I have some things to do. Seven okay?"

Leaning over the Admiral in his chair, Lee stroked Harry's face and ran his fingertip over Harry's lips. "If you disappear on me, I'll resign my commission and hunt for you."

"You haven't been in the Navy long enough to resign."

"Then I'll get caught in bed with a redhead I'll pick up in a bar one night and face a court martial." Sternly, Lee warned, "If you're so worried about my precious career, don't be late." He turned and walked out the door.

Sliding behind the wheel of his car, Lee took several deep breaths. What if that night was just a fantasy? Or worse, what if these feelings are real and I'm doomed to live the rest of my life without Harry, trying to replace him with nameless strangers and glory holes sucks? Sitting up straighter, he glanced at his watch and decided he had time for a long run that should exercise the tension from his body.
* * * * *

At six forty-five Lee checked his appearance in the mirror before heading downstairs. Having worn a uniform of some kind most of his life, he always felt strange in civilian clothes. For tonight he had chosen a dark gray suit because it seemed the least conspicuous. Dinner reservations were made and preparations for later, if there was a later, had been handled. Now, if the Admiral would just show up.

Lee paced in the lobby, frequently glancing at his watch. It was five minutes before seven when the Admiral arrived. Lee walked across the lobby and shook hands, "Good evening, sir. It's good to see you again."

Harry didn't respond and Lee thought he looked cool and distant, with all his defenses in place.

Seated in a secluded booth in the restaurant, Lee ordered scotch for both of them while the Admiral played with the menu. After the drinks arrived and they had ordered dinner, Lee waited quietly for the Admiral to relax.

"You know, Lee, I wasn't really hiding from you. I just couldn't do what I did and stay in active service. It was a violation of everything I believe in."

"Okay, I accept that. But do you accept the fact that you had no right to make decisions regarding my life without my consent?" Lee chose his words very carefully. If he mis-spoke here, he might not get a second chance.

"What do you want from me? Are you looking for a replacement for your father?" Nelson drained his glass and waved it at the waiter.

"What?" Lee sputtered, caught off guard. "What's my father got to do with this?"

The waiter brought fresh drinks and their dinner salads.

"Lee, your Annapolis record is spotless. Top of your class, good athlete, no reprimands. You were a gifted student with the potential for a great Navy career, so why would you risk your whole future for someone like me who's old enough to be your father -- unless you're desperately searching for a father figure to replace the real thing?"

"My father has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings for you. Why would you even think he does?" Lee chased a cherry tomato across his plate with his fork.

"I pulled your service record. You're a lonely little boy with a lot of money and no one to care about you. You're too needy. If I'd done that research all those months ago, I might not have given in to my urges. But I'm not a shrink and I'm not made of stone. I made a mistake, one I don't want to repeat."

"Sir, I'm not a little boy and you didn't force me. And you're not old enough to be my father. Something happened that night in Hawaii and I need to know if it was real or some kind of bizarre fantasy. I need to know if what I feel for you can be a part of my future or not. Right now I can't make any kind of decisions about anything because every time I close my eyes, I see you, I feel you, I smell you, and I taste you. Every night I go to sleep holding a pillow, pretending to cuddle with you." He pushed his salad plate away and folded his hands in his lap to avoid reaching across the table.

The Admiral looked defeated. "Maybe I'm having so much trouble dealing with this situation because I never dreamed you could feel this way. Lee, I'd watched you and wanted you so desperately that I was willing to give up everything in my life for one night with you. You're young and beautiful and I'm old and worn out. I naturally assumed you'd never want to see me again, and I planned things around that. It certainly never occurred to me that you'd be interested in seeing me again."

"Oh, Harry, you're beautiful and sexy. You have no idea how incredible and irresistible you are. How could you push me out of your life without asking me if I wanted to go?"

"We're Naval officers, Lee. There's no room in either of our lives for a lover. One-night stands are safer."

"Begging the Admiral's pardon, sir, but who made that rule?"

"The Navy, the United States government, our fellow officers and crewmen. All of the above."

"What about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Isn't that what we're protecting when we put on a uniform?" Lee sighed as the waiter took the salad plates and placed the main course on the table.

"You're so young. After a while you'll learn that walking outside the normal boundaries has heavy consequences."

"So does spending every night of your life alone when you don't have to." Lee had no appetite and pushed his plate away. "This isn't working, Harry, I need to get out of here. There are some things I need to say that shouldn't be said in public."

"You said dinner, Lieutenant, in public. I've given you that."

"Sir, you made a decision for me based on your own delusions. You said that you expected me never to want to see you again. Well, I do want to see you again! And again and again. Deal with that!" Lee threw money on the table as he stood. "My room number is twelve forty one." It took every ounce of his control to walk slowly from the room.

Upstairs Lee paced the floor, a drink in his hand. He hadn't intended to lose his temper but he wanted Harry and he was tired of the bullshit. He pulled his clothes off and slipped on his sweat pants, knowing he would spend half the night running if Harry failed to show up. The fabric was soft against his bare skin and he didn't bother with shoes or shirt. {Harry, how could you run away from me? How could you assume I wouldn't want to see you again? How could you make decisions without asking me? How could you?}

Lee was halfway through his second drink when the Admiral knocked on his door.

"Okay, laddie, you wanted to see me again. Here I am. I guess I owe you that." He walked in and closed the door behind him.

"That's it? You guess you owe me?"

"That's it, Lee. If this is the only way I can convince you there's no future for us, then the evening is yours." Nelson tossed his jacket over one of the chairs. "Fix me a drink."

Dropping ice into a glass, Lee tried to organize his thoughts. As he handed Harry the glass, Lee brushed his lips over Harry's mouth and his hand over Harry's groin. "Professor, you made your biggest mistake when you taught me the difference between making love and fucking. If you'd just fucked me that night, we probably wouldn't be here now. But you couldn't, could you?"

Harry shook his head. "No, Lee, you're too special for that."

Lee put his glass down and sat on the bed. "Please sit beside me."

When the Admiral sat down, Lee took his glass and set it on the bedside table. "I want to undress you. I want to kiss you. I want to see your body ready to take me again. I want to relearn all those things you taught me."

As he reached for Harry's tie, Lee pulled their mouths together. Harry tasted of cigarettes and scotch. {Slowly, go slowly. If this is the last time you ever make love to this man, make it good.} "I'm going to kiss you all night," Lee mumbled into Harry's mouth. "Okay." Stopping for air, Lee pushed Harry back on the bed, fumbling with buttons. "You taste so good," he mumbled as he nibbled on Harry's earlobe, "but I wish you didn't have on so many clothes."

"You're an imaginative type, you'll figure out something." A tiny smile played around Harry's mouth.

Lee removed the tie and tossed it to the floor, then undid all the buttons on the shirt front and cuffs, only to find he still had to remove an undershirt. He resisted the temptation to rip the material to shreds and carefully undressed the Admiral.

Lee kissed the Admiral's neck, looking for sensitive spots, then moved to the nipples, sucking until Harry moaned and squirmed. "Okay, sir, I need you to scoot your ass to the edge of the bed." Lee slipped to the floor on his knees between Harry's legs and took Harry's cock in his mouth, while searching for the best angle to take it down his throat. He fondled the Admiral's balls. Sucking and stroking, he listened to the Admiral's breathing and small groans of pleasure. Not wanting Harry to come too soon, Lee slowed the pace and placed a kiss on the wet head of Harry's cock. Lee licked the fingers on his left hand. "Move your butt, sir, so I can finger fuck you. Come on, slide around here. Oh yes, sir."

Harry squirmed and pushed himself down on Lee's fingers. "Now, Lee! Suck!"

Lee took the cock into his mouth again, working furiously with fingers and tongue and throat and lips. The Admiral arched and spasmed, filling Lee's mouth with warm, delicious cream. Without removing his fingers, Lee sucked more gently, savoring the last drops.

Forgetting his own needs for the moment, he petted and stroked Harry's groin. "I love doing this to you. I love the taste of you, the smell of you, the feel of you, everything you are."

Visibly relaxed, Nelson reached for Lee. "Come up here with me. I need to hold you. But get rid of those sweats." Harry moved around on the bed as Lee dropped his only garment before stretching out beside his lover.

Reaching up to kiss Harry, Lee pressed his erection against Harry's leg. "Ummmm, I really want to cuddle, but I need other things first."

"So I see, Lieutenant." Nelson stretched his body. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Fuc-- making love to you." Lee knelt between Harry's legs and lifted his hips, then placed a kiss on the small pink opening. "Oh, laddie..."

Licking and probing with his tongue, Lee asked, "Like that, do you, old man?"

Thrashing on the bed, Harry moaned, "God, yes."

When Harry whimpered, Lee grabbed the towel he had left on the bed earlier and tapped the Admiral's ass. "Lift." When Nelson complied, Lee slipped the towel under him, then teased the entrance to Harry's body with one finger. "Oh, you're so ready for me, you beautiful sexy man, you're so ready for me."

"I'll always be ready for you."

"Always?" Lee couldn't control the longing in his voice. Harry smiled. Leaning forward, Lee kissed Harry, needing all the closeness possible. Then he sat back, took a bottle of oil from the bedside table and dribbled it on Harry's cock. He rubbed the oil on Harry, then on himself.

Lee lifted Harry's legs, then paused when Harry asked, "May I make a suggestion?"

"Only if it'll increase your pleasure, sir."

"I think it might increase our pleasure, laddie. Put my legs on your shoulders, then you kneel on the bed, yes, like that."

"Ready, sir?"

"Do it!" Harry sucked in a lungful of air as Lee penetrated.

Leaning forward, Lee placed his hands on the Admiral's shoulders and thought of nothing but the pleasure he wanted to give the Admiral. When the sensations exploded in his head and his cream filled and overflowed Harry's tight tunnel, Lee collapsed onto Harry's chest. "I knew this had to be real, I knew you weren't just a wet dream. Harry, please tell me the earth moved for you, too."

Harry's fingers played in Lee's hair. "Oh, my young genius, of course the earth moved. So what do you want to do now?"

"Cuddle. Kiss you a lot. Take a shower, together. Then come back to bed. Make love all night and for all the nights of our lives."

"And if I agree to all that, you have to agree to obey my orders about where and when. If we're crazy enough to get involved with each other, then I insist that you act with caution and care and that you do nothing to jeopardize your career."

"Sir, to be with you, to make love to you, I'll accept your experience and advice. Just tell me that you won't hide from me again. Ever."

"From now on, we hide together. But we must constantly be careful, and if you can't do that, we can't see each other."

"Starting with this weekend?"

"Lee..." Harry's voice trailed off.

"Sir, I can pick you up after your last class and we can head out of town on any road you choose. We're just two guys who could be going fishing together, or something." Lee ran his fingers across Harry's flaccid cock. "I might even let you out of bed."

"I can't."

"You have a date?"

"No."

"Then go with me. We'll find a wonderful secluded room somewhere and make some plans while I learn all the sensitive spots on your body." Lee ran his finger lightly over the entrance to Harry's body, causing him to tremble. When the Admiral nodded, Lee kissed his lover's mouth
* * * * *

Sunday morning,
23 Feb 64
Santa Barbara, California

It was still dark when the plane landed at Point Mugu Naval Air Station, near Santa Barbara, where yet another helicopter was waiting to take Lee to the Nelson Institute. His heart was racing. He could hardly wait to see the Admiral, the most important person in his life.
* * * * *

Sun 23 Feb 64

Aboard the *Seaview* Lee looked at his watch, it was twenty two hundred hours, the end of his first watch as *Seaview*'s new captain. He marveled again at how much his life had changed in such a short time. A mere twenty-four hours ago he had been pacing in his living room thousands of miles away, wondering where Harry was. And now, in the blink of an eye, he was serving on *Seaview* and working with the Admiral again.

He shook his head in wonder. His gaze roamed around the control room for the thousandth time. There was so much to learn, so many details to take in, and so many new faces to get to know. It was an exciting challenge, one for which he had trained his entire life. He realized he had even more of an incentive now than ever before, since he wanted to do a good job for Harry, to make Harry proud, and to keep Harry around forever.

The events of last night and today were a blur in his mind, since everything had happened so quickly. When he had finally arrived at the Nelson Institute for Marine Research in the early morning hours, he had walked into chaos. There had not even been a chance for a private word with the Admiral. Crewmen and officers were rushing around in all directions loading supplies and checking systems. The Admiral had been in various meetings with advisers or Institute personnel, or on long distance calls to people at the Pentagon. Lee wasn't sure, just yet, of the overall picture, but he knew there was a very serious problem that only *Seaview* could solve, and it was extremely urgent. He wished he could talk to Harry.

Besides the Admiral, there had been two familiar faces in the sea of strangers when Lee had arrived at the Institute last night. Chip Morton, his old friend and roommate from the academy, was a delightful surprise. He had not known that Chip was serving as XO on the *Seaview*, but Lee knew the Admiral could not have made a better choice. It would be a pleasure to work with Chip, and it was comforting to have a friend here.

The second familiar face Lee had encountered was one he was not as happy to see. In fact, Fred Wilson was a man whom Lee had prayed never to see again. They had been involved in an unpleasant incident several years before, and Lee realized he still hated and feared the man. He hoped he could maintain a professional detachment toward Wilson for the duration of this voyage. Lee certainly did not want the Admiral to notice or question either his, or Wilson's, behavior.

Lee smiled as he recalled his unorthodox entrance this morning. Everyone at the Institute had been busy and nobody was paying any attention to him, even the Admiral. Lee was disconcerted by that. All he knew was that his predecessor had been killed and there was a crisis.

To make his presence felt, establish his control over his crew, and maybe to get Harry's attention, if he were honest with himself, Lee had decided to test security by sneaking on board *Seaview*. He had actually managed to make it, too, before a team had jumped him in the control room.

The Admiral was furious at Lee's audacity, and Lee had been outraged at the lax security which had allowed him to get as far as he did. They had gone to the Admiral's cabin to discuss it, and Lee was pleased when Harry had not stayed angry for long. It was there that Harry had given Lee his orders and explained the dangers involved. It was Lee's first glimpse into Harry's world, a place full of surprises.

With the crisis at hand, time was short. Lee managed a hug and a few flushed kisses before reporting for his first watch with the taste of his lover on his lips.

Lee glanced at his watch again. Finally, it was time to turn the conn over to Chip, after a whirlwind day, rushing full speed to an earthquake epicenter near the North Pole without being able to tell his new crew where or why. He was captain of the *Seaview*, and now he had to live long enough to enjoy the realization of his dream.

What are the chances of stopping earthquake forces with a nuclear bomb?

While Crane and Morton were making a final course check, Admiral Nelson's voice boomed over the intercom, "Captain Crane."

Picking up the microphone, Lee answered, "Yes, sir?"

"Will you stop by my quarters after your watch?"

"Yes, sir." Crane returned the microphone to its holder and smiled at Morton. "You have the conn, Mr. Morton."

"Aye, Captain. I hope the Admiral doesn't keep you too long."

"No problem, Chip. It's good to be serving with you again."

"Yes, sir. I agree. Sure wish it could be a permanent assignment, Skipper."

"Who knows, it may be." Crane flipped a salute and left the control room, anticipation and excitement running high. The last twenty four hours had produced a lot of excitement and no sleep. His body tingled, and not all of it was adrenaline. It would be so good to serve the Admiral on his own vessel.

Walking slowly, Lee savored the sights and sounds on this very special one-of-a-kind submarine. He pictured the Admiral's quarters, which also served as his office, as they had been this afternoon: neat and military tidy. The bed was built into the wall, storage space conveniently below, and heavy drapes for privacy. Perfect. Just like the Admiral.

He took a deep breath before tapping gently on the door. The Admiral had been so formal all day, even to wearing a tie and his uniform jacket. Earlier, in this room, Lee had felt like a young midshipman across the desk from Nelson, reading sealed orders that could mean the death of every man aboard. But tonight, his thoughts were much more personal.

"Come in, Lee," Nelson commanded absently. Not a good sign.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Crane closed the door, but remained standing. The Admiral was an admiral, after all.

"Did you leave Mr. Morton in the control room?" Nelson didn't get up from his desk chair, nor did he lift his eyes from the file folders stacked on his desk.

"Yes, sir."

"Good man. Do you know him well?"

"We roomed together at the academy, sir, and we both hated your classes."

"Worked your butts off, didn't I?" Harry chuckled.

"Yes, sir, and we threw darts at your picture and plotted ways to keep you out of our lives. I should have pulled you into bed then."

"Lee..."

"Harry, we were both also at Chip's wedding. I was his best man. He's a trusted friend and I'd trust him with my life." Lee added, "or my deepest secret."

Harry looked up, surprise written on his face. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

Nelson stubbed out his cigarette.

"No, sir. But I could trust him with the secret."

Motioning with his hand, Nelson said, "Sit, sit."

"Yes, sir." Crane sat at attention in the chair across the desk from Nelson, who appeared distracted. Lee was disappointed. He had hoped for a warmer reception.

Tapping the stack of file folders, Nelson looked directly at Crane. "I meant what I said this afternoon about this crew. It's a good crew. And I want you to get to know them. Start by going over the personnel files with Mr. Morton. By the time we reach our destination I expect you to know each man." Short, clipped words, almost like the Admiral was in pain.

"Certainly, sir, but aren't we on a crisis war-type mission? I mean, somebody tried to kill you." And when I know who it was, they'll have to answer to me. "And they did kill Captain Phillips. I'm sorry, sir, I know how much you respected the Captain." He wanted to reach out and touch the Admiral's hand, but Harry's mood was too difficult to read.

Lighting another cigarette, Nelson stared at the far wall. "Lee, I believe we're going to be successful. I have every faith in our ability to complete this mission." His eyes were everywhere but on Crane. "I know someone's trying to stop us, but we must succeed. Our world depends on it."

"Can you explain what's going on?"

"We have determined that two earthquakes centered in the Arctic are going to occur within a short time of each other. The combined forces of those earthquakes will cause massive tidal waves, which will wreck havoc and destruction along the coastlines of the Pacific and the Atlantic Oceans. Millions of people will die and many of the countries of the free world will be thrown into chaos," Nelson explained.

"But the Communist countries will also be affected."

"Not as seriously as the U.S. and Europe. England could be completed destroyed."

"And the men who killed Captain Phillips?"

"It's my guess they were agents of a country which doesn't want to see *Seaview* succeed."

"Is that why you requested me? I was certainly surprised by my orders. Overwhelmed, in fact."

"I didn't request you." Nelson flipped ashes towards the ashtray, an unusually sloppy action. "You know we discussed serving together again and decided it wouldn't work."

"Pardon me, sir, but I remember you decided we couldn't serve together." Lee was confused. "So why am I here?"

"Fate." Nelson sucked nervously on his cigarette and Lee couldn't keep his eyes away from the Admiral's mouth.

"Fate?" Lee's throat was dry.

Nelson ground out his cigarette, folded his hands, and looked directly into Lee's eyes. "I wrote those orders myself a dozen times. I've wanted you here ever since the day I put this boat in the water." He paused and looked at his hands. "But, Lee, I'm afraid. And then, with Phillips dead and the crisis at hand, you were assigned to me."

"Afraid of what, Harry? Assigned by whom?"

He placed his hands on the desk in front of him. "Yes, I'm...", he faltered, then continued, "afraid that every time I look at you, everyone will know. But since you were assigned by the Chairman of the Special Committee to the President, I didn't have the option of declining." He lit another cigarette.

"Harry, I don't understand. Who'll know? This isn't the Navy. And I've already been told that this crew worships you and the deck you walk on." {And if you understand that the crew worships you, why can't you realize that I worship you, too? I just have the privilege of demonstrating my affection in a more intimate way.}

"Doesn't matter. Ugly rumors might not hurt me, but they'd ruin you."

"I'm a big boy, Admiral. I've even been known to make decisions for myself. And I want to be with you. Admiral, I'm an officer in the United States Navy." He twisted the ring on his finger. "I do know how to behave myself."

Nelson looked so forlorn that Lee didn't know what was going on.

"So what do you want me to do? Pretend to be friends?"

Pain crossed Nelson's face. "Aren't we friends?"

"Oh, Harry, of course we are. That isn't what I meant. We can think of something, just give us a little time to get used to living so close together. Dealing with our own feelings while surrounded by more than a hundred other men will take some practice, but being here is something I've wanted for a long time."

Nelson was silent for a moment, then chuckled.

"From sad to happy in under a minute? What gives?" It thrilled Crane to see a sparkle of glee in Harry's incredible Irish eyes.

"I was just thinking that Fred Wilson said you're an unimaginative, by-the-book officer. If he only knew just how imaginative you can be."

Crane groaned. "Wilson."

Nelson met Crane's eyes in a manner that allowed no options. "Tell me the whole story."

"It's not important. Not anymore." The subject made Lee angry.

Nelson stared harder. "You've never been able to lie to me."

"Yes, sir, I know. But it isn't anything I really want to talk about."

"Did he fuck you?" Harsh words pushed through clenched teeth as Nelson ground out the cigarette he hadn't smoked.

"No."

"But he did try, didn't he?"

Anger flashed brightly in blue eyes. "Yes."

"Captain, I want a full report."

"Admiral, don't pull rank on me; this is personal. Doctor Wilson made advances I didn't like. I dealt with it. End of report." Lee looked at Harry's hands, then pulled the right one into his own. "There's no one in my heart but you, and there hasn't been for ten wonderful years." He took a deep breath. "I've gone out with women over the years, especially when I was in college, and there have been other men, which you already know about. You know the encounters were to release sexual tension and had no other meaning. I've tried everything we talked about, but no one can take your place in my heart. I only want to be with you. Waiting forever until I can catch shore leave with you. Going months without seeing you. And then these orders came and I thought you'd finally worked through your own demons and wanted me here."

Nelson took both of Lee's hands in his, kissing the fingertips. "I've always wanted you. Jesus, Lee, you know what I was willing to give up for you. But I don't think you have any idea what you're giving up to be with me."

Lee sighed, "Harry, we've been over this before. Why is it so terrible for me to be here? That is, other than the obvious problem that you think the little Admiral is going to give you away?"

Harry continued stroking Lee's hands. "Lee, if this arrangement works out and if, a very large if, we find we can work closely together without broadcasting our feelings to the entire crew, and if your posting here should be made permanent, you'd be giving up your Navy career. Don't you understand that? You'll never make admiral."

"Harry," Lee tried to keep his voice level, "I want to be where the action is, commanding a boat, preferably a submarine. That's what I've always worked towards. The rank is only important in achieving that goal. I never wanted to command a desk. My naval career is not as important to me as my long-time goal of being the captain of the world's biggest and best submarine. This submarine. So, you see, Harry, I'm not giving up anything to be here on *Seaview*, because it's the place I really want to be. Of course," he smirked, "the fact that you're also here is the icing on the cake." Harry looked unconvinced. "Well, no decisions have been made yet, and there's plenty of time to think things over. Besides, we have a world crisis to solve."

"Okay. Fate put us together, so let's see what happens. You know how I feel about you making decisions for me, and I don't plan to change my mind about being here. I'm tired of catching you on shore leave, whenever I can. Maybe I'd like to spend more time with you and maybe you're the most important thing in my life."

Lee's body was on fire from the touch of Harry's fingers and lips.

"If you could see your face right now, you'd understand why it's dangerous for us to be together, except in quiet little hideaways."

"Harry, at this moment my face isn't the only thing that would give me away." He smiled, then squirmed in his chair. "But we're alone. And the door's locked. I haven't embarrassed you since I came aboard, have I?" He wanted to pull Harry across the desk to kiss him.

"You locked the door?"

"Yes, sir. I thought you wanted to see me -- ah -- alone." He pulled his hands free and stood. "I thought you wanted..."

Nelson pushed himself out of his chair as if he had a great weight on his shoulders, then moved around the desk. "Lee, of course I want you. Haven't I proven that over and over?"

Without breaking eye contact, Crane leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly across Nelson's. After one touch, Lee pulled Harry into his arms, unable to stop the kiss that followed. He lost himself in the taste and feel of Harry. Tightening his arms around the Admiral's shoulders, Lee pushed his knee against hardening flesh, delighted when Harry's response was a gasp and crushing hug.

When Lee reached for the buttons on Nelson's shirt, the Admiral inhaled deeply and pushed him back. Nelson said in his best command voice, "Captain Crane! This is my boat and there are some rules here that you must obey."

Hands at his side, Crane stood ramrod straight. "Yes, sir." He sighed."I'm your Captain. The safety and effectiveness of this boat and crew are my responsibility. I give orders. Even to you, sir, but I also know how to obey them."

"I knew you'd feel that way, but I still have the power to issue orders you may not agree with and I expect you to follow those orders. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." {But your mood swings are driving me nuts.}

"Very well. The most important order in this cabin is that the man who rips the buttons off is responsible for sewing them back on. Is that clear, Captain?"

Crane gasped, then laughed. "What?"

"You heard me, Captain. You get that gleam in your eyes and the next thing I know my shirt's on the floor with half its buttons missing. On my boat, I'm not going to do my own sewing. Is that clear, Captain Crane?"

"You know your problem, sir? You have no idea how sexy you are or what you can do to me, with just a look. You kiss me and I take leave of my senses. I want to rip your clothes off."

"With maturity comes patience. Unbuttoning a shirt builds character and teaches control." Harry wagged his finger in Lee's face, a twinkle in his eyes. "You rip, you sew."

"Control? I'll show you control. Sir." Lee wrapped his arms around Harry, covering his mouth, and lost himself in the cigarette taste that was Harry's own special flavor. His body pressed into the Admiral's, hard flesh crushing hard flesh.

Several minutes later Harry pulled free, breathing hard. "Whoa, sailor. Take a deep breath and relax."

"Is that another order? Sir!" Lee's body was ready to explode and there was only one way he wanted to relax.

Harry stepped to the bed and switched on the lamp. He unbuttoned his remaining shirt buttons, then checked the lock on the door before turning off the overhead light. Moving deliberately, he draped the shirt over his desk chair, removed his shoes, and then slipped off his pants.

Lee stared at the obvious bulge visible through thin cotton as the Admiral folded his pants and placed them over the shirt. {Harry, you're driving me crazy. What's this hurry-up-and-wait routine?}

Clad in underwear and socks, Nelson went to the bed and sat on the edge. "Why don't you join me, Captain?"

"Yes, sir." Lee, his pants uncomfortably tight across his groin, sat facing Nelson. He cupped the Admiral's face and kissed him again. Nelson reached between them to loosen Lee's tie, then started on the buttons. "Oh, you beautiful sexy man," Lee exclaimed as he slid the briefs off Harry. The cock was hot, hard, and throbbing with life. The balls were full, heavy, and warm.

As Lee massaged them, Nelson gasped and ripped the remaining buttons from Lee's shirt. As they pinged across the floor, Lee laughed into Nelson's ear. "Hope you have plenty of extra thread."

Ignoring the taunt, Nelson pulled at Lee's clothes in direct response to Crane's hand. "You have on too many clothes. Get them off."

"Orders," Lee laughed, "always orders. Don't rip my buttons. Take your clothes off."

But the Admiral was hot, his blue eyes glazed with passion.

Instead of removing his own clothes, Lee yanked Nelson's undershirt over his head. He found a nipple with his mouth while his hand massaged the Admiral's erection.

The Admiral lay back, pushing feebly at Lee's clothes. "Lee, please."

"Please, Admiral? No more orders? Please what, sir? What happened to maturity and patience?" He stroked the demanding cock, rubbing his thumb across the deliciously wet head.

Gasping for air, Nelson said, "Captain, if your mouth isn't in my lap in ten seconds, I'm going to make you walk the plank." Holding control over this man was wonderfully delightful.

Chuckling, Lee pointed out, "Admiral, submarines don't have planks." He tickled the sensitive spot just above Harry's hip as he rearranged their bodies, giving himself a better position to service the Admiral.

"I'll have one installed. Oh, Lee, please, now." His tone indicated that pleasure was slipping into pain, so Lee replaced his hand with his mouth and ran his tongue over the smooth head, lapping the salty fluid. Holding the Admiral tightly, Lee felt the tremors in his lover's body. Urgency was evident. Lee pulled the engorged organ deep into his throat, relaxing and thinking of nothing but the pleasure he knew how to bring. Faster than usual, the taste of Harry filled Lee's mouth, causing, as always, a sexual response from Lee's own body, which made him uncomfortably aware that he was still fully clothed.

Harry relaxed in a limp heap. "Cuddle me, please," he mumbled.

Squirming around on a bunk designed for one, Lee pulled himself into a sitting position with his back against the wall and drew Harry across his lap, cradling the man. "Better?"

"'cept that you have on too many clothes and I can feel your need through your pants," Harry whispered into Lee's chest.

"It's okay. I can wait -- for a little while, Mr. Control." Lee rubbed the Admiral's back. "Want to tell your Captain what's wrong with you?"

"Hmmm? No. Yes. Already did."

"Could you be a little clearer, sir?" Lee could still feel tremors throughout the Admiral's body.

"Afraid," Harry mumbled.

"Yeah, you said that. Afraid of what? Me? Us? The end of the world? Talk to me."

Harry pulled his head away from Lee's chest and looked into his eyes. "Look at me. You're still dressed and I've lost every shred of control I ever had."

Lee leaned forward, brushing the Admiral's lips with his own. "And how often have you turned me on so much I lost all control?"

"That was different, Lee. We were hidden away somewhere safe."

"And we're not safe on *Seaview*?" Nelson pulled himself into a sitting position and squared his shoulders. "Lee, this is my boat, and I'm responsible for everything that happens here. Right now we're in the middle of a crisis that could destroy our country. Look at me. All I can think about is you and getting into your pants. The taste of you in my mouth. Hell, I've had to wear my uniform coat all day just to hide the fact that all I can think about is you."

"Admiral. Harry. Look at me. I love you, and that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Lee stroked Harry's arms with his fingertips and enjoyed the shivers the action produced. "Don't you think you're being just a little hard on yourself? After all, you do have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. You have a right to shrug once in a while."

Nelson looked up, uncertainty written in his blue eyes. "What?"

"Pay attention, sir. We have a major world crisis, for which you offered a solution that not everyone liked. On the way to meet with President Johnson's special committee, unknown attackers killed your men, Harry. Your men, including John Phillips." Lee tightened his grip on Harry and took a deep breath before he made his probing remark. "Tell me how John Phillips died."

"Not now."

"Have you talked to anyone about this? Charlie, maybe?"

Harry shook his head. "There hasn't been time for me to even call Charlie. And there isn't anyone else I trust."

"Then you're going to tell me. I know how much guilt you assume when you think you're responsible for a situation." Lee pulled Harry into his arms.

"But I am responsible. Those men worked for me."

"Tell me." Lee kept his voice stern but soft. "Tell me everything."

Looking up, Harry tried to wiggle out of Lee's embrace. "I don't want to do this."

"That never works for me, and I can assure you that right now, it's not going to work for you." Lee ran his hands in circles across Harry's bare back.

"Lee," Harry pleaded, pain visible in his face.

"Talk," Lee ordered, prepared to be firm.

Trembling, Harry buried his face in Lee's chest. "The crisis had started, we knew the earthquakes were going to happen. I was to get to Washington as quickly as possible. An Air Force jet was waiting for John and me. We left the Institute in an official car, escorted by motorcycle security. We had barely cleared the gates when I heard the shots. A helicopter was hovering above us and firing at us."

"Easy, Harry, I know this is difficult, but you have to tell me." Lee kissed his lover's shoulders and neck.

"I saw John fall but I was too busy trying to get a shot off, then somehow I was thrown from the car just before it rolled over and caught on fire. But I couldn't do anything because the guy from the helicopter was still shooting and I had to stop him.

"Base security was on hand in record time, but it was too late. Five of my people were dead and I haven't even had time to call their families. I had to turn the whole incident over to my security people because I still had to get to Washington."

"It wasn't your fault." Lee kissed Harry's ear.

"Those men worked for me, and that makes them my responsibility. I still haven't had a chance to call John's wife. Or any of the families of the men who died that day."

"Harry, I know what you must be feeling, but please understand that you were doing what you had to do, and so were the men who died. They must have understood the dangers inherent in their jobs. You're working so hard, as you always do, to insure the safety of the country, and those men had to know that. You have the right to be stressed, especially since you don't trust this President the way you trusted Mr. Kennedy, but you don't have the right to feel guilty."

"My mind agrees with you, but my heart is still in mourning. How can I ever forget the horror of those men burning in that car and I couldn't save them?"

"You don't ever forget, Harry. We both know that losing good men under your command is one of the biggest drawbacks to this dangerous life we've chosen. It's a sad fact of life, but it happens sometimes. You can take responsibility for orders you give, but you can't be responsible for every crazy out there. Mourn your friends, Harry, but don't lose yourself in misplaced guilt."

"What makes you so wise, hmmm?"

"I had the best teacher, of course," Lee smiled.

Harry signed. "Life was certainly simpler when all I had to do was teach chemistry and marine biology to a roomful of fresh-faced midshipmen, when I didn't have to worry about saving the world or juggling priorities or convincing the President of the United States that I should be trusted." Harry's face looked sad.

"Trust works both ways. The world hasn't learned to trust the new President."

"Yes, but he has the weight of the office on his side. It's far more important for this President to learn to trust me. This mission is obviously important because the safety of our country is at stake, but also because a successful conclusion may convince our new president that I'm a man he can count on and that may help assure the Institute's continued funding. I can't be walking around my boat with my feelings hanging out of my pants. I'm supposed to be a strong leader and inspire trust and confidence in everyone else. I can't allow the crew to see how weak I really am." Harry sighed.

Holding in a chuckle, Lee continued to stroke the Admiral's body. "Sir, you are the Admiral, and a brilliant scientist, and possibly the savior of the world, but my dear Harry, you're still a human being with feelings and reactions."

"I should be able to control my feelings and reactions. I always have before -- at least in public."

"Do I make you feel safe, Harry? Do you feel secure in my arms, the way I do in yours?"

Harry looked up, meeting Lee's eyes. "Yes." Harry tilted his face up to Lee, offering his mouth.

Lee let emotions course through him, wishing he were naked, because he wanted Harry so desperately. When he released Harry's mouth, he whispered into Harry's ear, "Do you love me?"

The Admiral wrapped his arms tightly around Lee, "Yes, I guess I do."

"Do you think that with me here, your body decided to issue a few orders of its own because your heart trusts me?"

"I've never needed anyone to take care of me before -- I was never afraid, before..."

"Before you fell in love with me?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't know that love could tear a man up inside like this. I didn't know I could be so needy and insecure and afraid."

"Admiral Harriman Nelson, insecure? I don't think so, sir. I think you'd reached your limit of heavy responsibility and you needed someone to lean on, but you thought you had to deny yourself the right to lean on me." He shifted Harry's weight in his lap. "And, sir, I have to confess that right now I need you in the worst way." He nibbled at Harry's ear. "Maybe you could help me out of my clothes without ripping off any more buttons?"

Harry laughed, blushing, and his whole body relaxed. "I can't believe I did that."

"And you're going to sew them back on."

"With pleasure. Now, laddie, your uniform's all wrinkled. Let's get you out of it." Harry slid off the bunk to stand on the floor, then pulled Lee into a standing position. He carefully unbuttoned Lee's cuffs and gingerly removed the shirt. With great speed the rest of Lee's clothes dropped to the floor. The Admiral, in charge again, stretched out on the bed and pulled Lee down on top of him. Harry wrapped his arms around Lee and pulled their mouths together, which also brought their groins together.

Finding the Admiral hard again, Lee decided to enjoy every moment they had. After all, if the Admiral's plan failed, they could all die in a few days. As Harry's hand found its way to Lee's genitals, the Captain groaned, thrusting himself into Harry's hand and his tongue down Harry's throat. He pressed his body into Harry's, trying to make them one. Breaking the kiss, Harry stroked Lee's back, and whispered into Lee's ear, "Can I do something for you?"

"You bastard. You've teased me, confused me, ordered me, left me dazed and unable to breathe. I'm about to explode so just do what you do best."

"Certainly, my dear Captain." Harry rolled Lee onto his back and settled between his knees. Leaning forward Harry licked Lee's demanding cock before engulfing it, while his fingers teased the tight ring of muscle.

Lee bit down on his own fingers to stop his usual moan of pleasure when Harry slipped one, then two fingers, inside his body. Squirming under the onslaught, Lee hissed, "Now, goddamn you, now."

Harry lifted Lee's legs, stroking the backs of his knees before positioning himself for entry into Lee's body. "Look at me!" the Admiral ordered. "Watch me take you. Know that I'm taking you."

Arching his body, Lee met Harry's eyes. "Please." His body was speared, spreading heat which radiated in all directions. He gripped the bed covers, wanting to voice his pleasure and understanding that he could not. Awareness of the Admiral and that he was on the Admiral's precious submarine, at least for a little while, made this time extraordinary. His body accepted the Admiral as it always had, with joy and wonder, and rocketing passion. His mind stopped processing data as his body took over, careening over the edge to oblivion.

When his breathing had returned to normal, Lee cradled the Admiral, who lay spent across his chest. The warmth and weight were as much a comfort as the sexual release. He rubbed the stickiness that glued their bodies together, licking the substance from his fingers, and was lost in the wonder of what this man could do to him. "I think you've regained your world-famous control, Admiral." He collected more spilled cream on two fingers and offered them to Harry, who sucked them greedily.

Still breathing hard, Nelson blew gently into Lee's ear. "Not so long as my body responds every time you walk into the room. I can't handle it. I can't walk around my boat with my feelings visible to everyone."

"There's an easy solution to that: adjacent quarters with a connecting door."

Chuckling, Harry gently pulled away and rolled onto his side. "And just how would that help me when we're in the control room together, or when you slither down the circular stairs, or, God forbid, when you put on those ridiculous little shorts to run or exercise."

"I do not slither, and my shorts aren't ridiculous! They're merely practical," Lee objected.

"Well, you may think of them as practical, my dear Captain, but they have a profound effect on me every damn time. They're so short that your attributes practically hang out. As to your slither, I'll have to study that further." He stroked Lee's face. "I can't let my feelings for you become so obvious that I put my boat, or the lives of my people, in jeopardy."

"Admiral, I'm in charge of this vessel, at least temporarily, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you, or to it, but I'm damn sure not going to compete with this hunk of metal for your attention. I will, however, serve you both to the best of my ability." Lee reached up to stroke Harry's face, feeling the tenseness return.

"I know you will, Lee. It's not you I'm worried about, it's me. How can I allow myself to love you and perhaps order you to risk your life? My feelings are bound to interfere with my responsibilities."

"Relax, Admiral. My job duties and demands here aren't so different from those on the *Rickover*. This isn't the first submarine I've captained. I'm an experienced naval officer, not the young, green lieutenant you seduced."

"I seduced, Captain Crane?!" Nelson ran a finger over Lee's belly, drawing circles in wet cream, then sucked his finger clean before he said, "I think you have your facts confused. If anyone did any seducing, we both know it was you -- with your tight ass and cocky smile."

"No, Harry, you seduced me, and we both know it," Lee insisted. "I may have been looking to get fucked that night but certainly not by my brilliant and handsome commanding officer. I'll admit that I didn't object once you put your moves on me. It was one of the most incredible nights of my life. You didn't just open my body up to wonderful new feelings and experiences, but my mind and heart as well. If you'd been wrong about me, or if I'd refused your advances, my life would have been a whole lot simpler, but barren in a way that I'd never have understood. I wouldn't want to live my life empty like that." Lee stroked Harry's face.

"I caused you a lot of pain, although I didn't know it at the time," Harry objected.

"Yes, but you also gave me incalculable pleasure. The pain's not important. It's all in the past now. And besides, we'd never have met our wonderful friends in Berkeley."

"You're right, of course. Still, I'm glad that the past is past. Getting back to the present, are you certain you want to stay in command of the *Seaview*?"

"Harry, I've always wanted to be where you are. You're the one who decided we couldn't work together. You're the one who's afraid for us to be together, and it's a fear I don't understand. You're giving me mixed signals that go from being strictly military one minute to being passionately intimate the next. Plus, you're the one so worried about my career. As much as I want to be here, I can't stay unless you allow me to." Lee closed his eyes, knowing that his assignment as captain was out of his hands and that the Admiral was the one to make the final decision. "But please, Harry, let me stay."

The Admiral stroked Lee's body and watched it respond to his touches. "I want you to stay, I just don't know how to live with you here. My crew will know, the Navy will know, everyone will know and we'll be banished to some deserted island for being so perverted."

"Sir, life on a deserted island with you is not exactly my worst nightmare." He kissed Harry softly before continuing. "I know how the world thinks. I've been around the block a few times, as you well know. We can make this work."

"Okay, how do we solve the first problem?"

"What problem?"

"That you want to stay with me all night."

"I already solved that problem, sir, with a connecting door."

"Oh, and how do I explain to the work crew that I need my Captain so close that I require a connecting door into his cabin?"

"The last time I looked, sir, admirals didn't explain orders; admirals just gave orders." Lee ran his fingers through red gold hair, tired of talking. "Besides, you're a genius, and I know you can solve any problem you put your devious mind to."

Harry's hand closed around Lee's hard shaft and squeezed. "You mean like this problem?"

Moaning, Lee pushed into the Admiral's hand. "Yes, sir."

"Then we'll handle this problem now and tomorrow's problems tomorrow."

"Yes, sir. Please carry on, sir."
* * * * *

Wed 26 Feb 64

Aboard *Seaview* Several days later, Lee sat on his bed, propped up against pillows, floating in a mist created by pain pills. He wondered if he would feel worse if he had been the squid's snack. It was all such a blur now. The swim to recover the sonar array, the shark, the squid. Oh God, the squid.

Back inside the boat, Fred Wilson holding that damn sonar array and announcing he was the best diver on board and then coming over to help Lee out of his diving suit.

Everything was fuzzy in Lee's mind. He remembered being embraced by giant tentacles squeezing the life from him. Now his body ached and fear floated in his memory.

When he had returned to the *Seaview*, he had desperately wanted the strong hands of his lover to remove his diving equipment and reassure him that all was well. Instead, the hands on his body had been Fred Wilson's and Lee had a clear memory of the Admiral watching for a moment, then walking away. {Harry, where are you now when I need you so much?}

Somewhere in the far distance was a tapping noise. It did not matter. He could not move, even if he wanted to. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

When he woke up, Admiral Nelson was sitting in a chair with his stocking feet resting against Crane's bed. "Been here long?" Crane managed to croak.

Nelson went to the credenza and poured a glass of water, which he handed to Crane. "A while." He laid his hands on the edge of the mattress, his head down. "You could've been killed. I watched you swim away and I had the most dreadful feeling that I'd never see you again."

Crane pushed himself up, trying not to let his pain show, and set the glass down. The Admiral's anguish was heart breaking. "Harry?"

"Yes, Lee." "I could really use some help here. I need to go to the can and I'm not sure I can make it."

Nelson put his arm around Crane's waist and eased him off the bunk and into the room's private head. "Can you stand or do you want me to come in with you?"

"I think I'll be all right, but you can still come in with me." Lee tried for a teasing tone, but the Admiral was too serious. When he was back on his bunk, Lee tried again. "Look, Harry, sometimes we'll have assignments that might be dangerous. You can't lock me away in the basement in order to keep me safe. We're in this together, for better or worse."

"I can't handle this. Either sending you off into danger or the sight of Fred Wilson helping you undress. I couldn't stand that man's hands on you. Lee, I've never felt like this in my life."

"But Harry," Lee protested, "you've seen me in far more intimate situations with other men when we've been on leave together. Does your reaction to Wilson have anything to do with what I told you about him?"

"I guess so," Harry admitted. "After what little you told me, my imagination went to work and made him into a lecherous, depraved, sex pervert preying on beautiful young men like you. Whether that's true or not, I let my emotions get away from me when I saw him helping you out of your wet suit. I mean, he needed to get out of his own wet suit and there he was with his hands all over you."

"Come sit with me." Lee patted the bed. "Better make sure the door's locked."

"It is. Has been for several hours. Mr. Morton has the conn and the ship's moving at full speed. As a matter of fact, Mr. Morton ordered me out of my own control room. Said I should worry about you someplace where I wouldn't be in the way." Nelson slumped on the bed, not touching Lee. "I can't control my thoughts or my emotions, I can't control my boat, I can't do anything but think about you."

Lee studied his hands before he answered. "I thought we'd been all through this. If you didn't know I was in danger, you couldn't worry. I've been in more dangerous situations than my encounter with Mr. Squid. Why now, Harry? Why all the hand wringing now?"

Looking around the room, Harry hesitated, "Maybe I'm beginning to realize how much you mean to me, how empty my life would be without you. I'm sure Chip Morton's concerned about my sanity, but he was right there with me when we watched you swim away. I could feel his support as though he had an arm around me." Suddenly, Harry faced Lee, eyes blazing. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

Reaching out for Harry's hand, Lee said calmly, "No, Harry, I didn't tell Chip anything."

Nelson pulled his hand away, trembling. "I told you I wouldn't be able to conceal my feelings about you. I can't control my body or my face or my jealousy. I can't stand to have you here and I can no longer tolerate the thought of you being any place else."

"Admiral, please look at me. We can handle this. Once this crisis is over, you'll be fine. This race against both the clock and Mother Nature, while someone tries to kill us, is difficult on everyone. Please relax. Lay here with me. Let me help you like you've helped me."

"You're hurt and I'm a basket case. Lee, I'm losing my mind."

"I'll bet I can fix that if you'll just come over here and cuddle with me." He carefully changed positions so that his back was resting against the wall. "I'd feel much better if you'd hold me. And so would you."

Before the Admiral could move, there was a quiet tapping on the door. "Skipper? It's Chip."

Nelson was surprised at the interruption, then schooled his face and unlocked the door. "Mr. Morton, what's the problem? Are we under attack again?" He scrambled for his shoes.

"No, sir, there's no crisis, at least not in the control room. May I come in, please?" Morton stood at attention in the doorway.

Leaning carefully around the side of the bunk, Crane said, "Come in, Chip. And close the door."

"Yes, sir." Morton stopped just inside the door, bracing himself against the wall. "Admiral, Captain, permission to speak freely, sirs. And off the record."

"Chip, we've been friends for a long time. You always have permission to speak freely and off the record." Crane pulled himself to the edge of the bed, legs dangling over the side. "You'll forgive me for not getting up."

"Yes, sir. Are you feeling better, Lee?"

"Like I went ten rounds with a giant squid." He laughed and regretted it.

Morton, watching the Admiral put on his shoes, commented, "Admiral Nelson, sir, if you'll forgive me, you look like you went a few rounds with that same giant squid." He took a deep breath. "Sir, will you sit on the bunk next to the Skipper while I say what I have to say? I want to be able to see both your faces, in case you decide to court martial me."

Crane snickered. "No court martial, Chip. The Admiral's thinking about making us walk the plank instead."

When Nelson's fair skin turned pink, Lee realized he should not have referred to something the Admiral had used in a sexual situation. He changed his tone of voice and continued, "Well, Chip, let's hear what you have to say that's so important that you had to leave the control room in the middle of a crisis."

"Skipper, this is a finely trained crew. The control room is manned, Mr. O'Brien has the watch. The boat is fine, running under your orders to our destination. But I think we have another problem closer to home that could be just as disastrous to the continued harmony on the *Seaview*."

"You mean besides the fact that we're headed into a double earthquake that could destroy our country unless we detonate a nuclear bomb at the precise minute of the second earthquake, and someone or some power's trying to kill us to stop us?" Lee drew a deep breath as his sore muscles contracted.

"Yes, Lee. I've served with the Admiral long enough to trust him to do the job we're out here to do. But I'm not sure I can trust either of you where your feelings are concerned."

Nelson slipped down from the bunk, anger flashing in his eyes. "Mr. Morton, my feelings are none of your business."

"Admiral, sir, I beg to differ. You see, sir, I like serving aboard *Seaview* and would like to continue to do so. I've served in your command a long time and I trust and respect you. I also trust and respect the Skipper. But I hate to see the way you two are behaving. Maybe I'm way off base in my observations, sirs, but I don't think so, just because I know you both so well. Or at least I thought I did." Morton's voice trailed off.

"Admiral," Lee whispered, "I think we should listen to Chip."

"Why?"

"Because I told you I could trust him with my deepest secret and I think I may have." When Nelson turned and glared, Lee added, "I didn't tell him anything, at least not with words."

"That's right, Lee. I drew my conclusions from the way you two have been acting ever since we left Santa Barbara. Don't get so upset, Admiral, it may be that my own personal experience allows me to see things that other people can't."

"Just what is it you think you've observed, Mr. Morton, that some special personal experience has allowed you to see?" The Admiral's tone was sarcastic and guarded.

"Well, sirs," Chip glanced at both of them and straightened his shoulders, "I know you're friends, but I've begun to suspect you may be more than that. I've known you both for so many years, since we were both at the academy, Lee, where the Admiral was our teacher, and I'm seeing behavior since you came on board that I never expected to see. Mostly from the Admiral, but partly from you, too, Lee."

The Admiral cleared his throat. "Be more specific, Mr. Morton," he ordered.

"Well, how about the way you two look at each other when you think no one's looking. The way each of you lights up when the other one enters the room. The way you're suddenly so careful about not touching each other when you've done it so casually in the past. Especially you, Lee, you're always touching people, but since you came aboard this boat you treat the Admiral like he had the plague or something. Only your eyes tell a different story." He paused to wet his lips and glanced at both of them.

Lee could feel the Admiral's anger brewing like a hot summer storm, but he wanted to hear what else Chip had to say. The unexpected revelations were surprising, but Lee realized the biggest surprise was that he wasn't reacting like Harry. The only emotion he felt was curiosity. Nodding at Chip, Lee said, "Go on. There must be more."

"Well," Chip paused, "I guess the clincher was when you left the boat, Lee, to search for the sonar array and ended up battling the squid. Admiral, you practically panicked. Not a normal reaction for you, if I may say so, sir."

"You don't think I might have merely been concerned about the safety of my new captain?" Harry muttered through clenched teeth.

"Sorry, sir, but I think it was a lot more than that. When we stood there and watched Lee swim away, your misery was palpable. The look on your face, well," Chip looked uneasy, "let's say that to me it looked like you'd lost the most important person in your life. And your actions since Lee came back injured have only reinforced my belief that at some point in the past, you two became closer than friends, and are probably, uh, well, ah," Chip blushed crimson, "lovers."

The Admiral remained silent, but managed to glare his disapproval. Lee was still curious. "Chip, do you think anyone else has been able to see what you've seen? Reach the same conclusions?"

"Probably not, Skipper. Perhaps because I'm more conditioned to spot this type of behavior."

"But Chip, you're married. I was your best man. How could you know anything?" Lee was confused. Maybe it was the pain or the medication.

"That's right, Skipper, I'm married and happy about it, but my older brother had different needs. He was caught in bed with his male lover and couldn't deal with all the hassle, so he killed himself. He was a wonderful person and I watched him suffer for something that shouldn't have made any difference. I lost him and I don't think I'll ever get over it. And I don't want to see anything similar happen to either of you." Chip's words were hurried, as if talking faster would lessen the pain.

"Chip, I'm sorry. You never told me, never said a word."

Morton shrugged. "It's not something you talk about. And I'm not sure that's right. Admiral, will you please stop pacing and sit down where I can see you? This is difficult enough, sir, trying to say what I think needs to be said when I know you can turn me into fish food."

Lee, trying to lighten the mood, winked at Morton. "He hasn't installed that plank yet, Chip. But even so, I don't think he intended anyone to walk it but me." He reached out a hand in Nelson's direction, "Come here, Harry, I think we're among friends."

When Nelson was again seated on the bunk, as far away from Crane as he could get, Morton looked at Lee. "So are my suspicions correct? Skipper, do you love the Admiral? I mean, like I love Carolyn?"

"I don't know about the comparison, but I do care for him more than any other person I've ever met. I know I want to be near him all the time, that I want to share his life." He looked at Nelson and smiled.

Morton then looked at the Admiral. "Sir, do you love the Skipper?"

Looking at the floor, Nelson mumbled, "That's a very personal question, Mr. Morton, and I'll admit that it makes me uncomfortable for you to ask it. I appreciate your concern, and I know it must have been difficult for you to come here and say these things." Harry paused and cleared his throat. He raised his head to look directly at Chip, and Lee noticed the blush staining his cheeks as the Admiral continued, "Chip, based on my many years of observing your integrity, compassion, and honor, I'm willing to admit that your observations have some basis in fact. As to love? If having my life turned upside down, my control shot to hell, and my thinking scrambled means I'm in love, then I guess I love Lee. I don't know how to handle it."

"Could you two move a little closer together and maybe hold hands?" Morton took a deep breath and clasped his hands behind his back. "When Carolyn and I decided to get married, we were required by our priest to go through some counseling sessions. I resented the hell out of it at first, but it didn't take many sessions before I realized they were very helpful. A lot of what we discussed wouldn't have any meaning here, but I think some of it would really help both of you with the problems you're trying to solve right now. A lot of it is knowing what questions to ask." He looked at the floor and whispered, "Maybe if my brother had had some counseling, he wouldn't be dead." He looked at both of them. "So I thought maybe I could be your, you know, counselor, and maybe help you."

Crane, taking the Admiral's hand, said softly, "I told you we could trust him."

Nelson looked at Crane and then at their clasped hands before turning his attention to Morton. "What did you have in mind, Mr. Morton?"

"Well, sir, the church teaches that men and women have different duties in a traditional marriage, a guideline of sorts that lets us know how we're supposed to feel and act. I don't agree with everything the church says, but I did find the guidelines to be useful. With the two of you, there aren't any rules, except that the church says you shouldn't be doing what you're doing. I suppose Father Irving would condemn you both to hell, but I can't accept that either. I don't know why you love each other, but I can see that you do. I can also see that it's causing problems between you and that's not good for any of us.

"I don't know how long you two have been involved with each other, but I'm guessing that your current difficulties are all tied up with Lee being assigned to *Seaview*. You've both suddenly found yourselves living quite a bit closer together than you have previously. Is that anywhere near the truth?"

Chip looked back and forth at both their faces. Lee mumbled, "That's about it."

The Admiral glared at Chip and said distinctly, "You're amazingly perceptive, Mr. Morton."

"I prefer to think that I'm simply concerned about two friends, and I hope they'll let me help them through a difficult time." He paused. "So, will you? Or would you prefer that I slink quietly away and forget this conversation ever happened?"

Harry squeezed Lee's hand and seemed to relax slightly. "You don't happen to have a degree in psychology that you've kept hidden all these years, do you Mr. Morton?"

"Uh, no sir," Chip looked confused.

Lee laughed, then said, "He doesn't need to be a closet shrink to give us good advice, Harry. Go on, Chip."

"Well, obviously, as you've already said, your number one problem seems to be adjusting to the new proximity that was apparently thrust upon you. Admiral, you've practically been a basket case ever since Lee got here, so I'm guessing that you didn't request his assignment to *Seaview*. This assignment must have been a big surprise for both of you. And no matter how far back your relationship goes, suddenly being under the same roof is a new experience that you're both having trouble with and that you both need to work on. Maybe this will force you both to look closely at your relationship and determine what you each want out of it. For starters, maybe we could begin with what's bothering you the most right now. Admiral?"

Nelson tried several times before the words finally came out. "He was nearly killed by that squid. How can I let him endanger himself? He's a damn adrenaline junkie."

"Damn it, Harry, I'm not a child. Or an adrenaline junkie. I'm in top physical shape, a qualified diver. And I don't smoke. How many times are we going to argue about this?" Lee would never admit that he had been afraid, tangling with the squid.

"Sirs, this is exactly what I'm talking about. My role is to protect my wife. In your relationship, there is no wife. There is an admiral and a captain, two strong, and, may I say, bull-headed men. And you're both adrenaline junkies!" He took a deep breath. "Admiral, why aren't you worried about the Chief? You know, he was in as much danger as Lee."

"Because, Chip, the Admiral isn't sleeping with the Chief. But he is sleeping with me, and let me tell you," Lee grinned, "the Admiral's fantas..."

"That will do, Captain Crane!" the Admiral interrupted. "Mr. Morton doesn't need the lurid details. He already knows too much."

Nelson buried his face in his hands. "You see, Chip, this is my biggest problem. I don't think the Admiral's ever been ...."

"Lee," interrupted Morton, "first rule -- don't inflict unnecessary pain. It'll drive a wedge between you that can't be mended."

"I'd never hurt Harry."

"But you just did."

Ignoring his physical pain, Lee turned to face the Admiral. "Harry, I'm sorry, I care so much and I want to stay with you and I want to pull you out of that coat of armor." He dropped his hands in his lap, unable to continue.

Morton cleared his throat. "You see, sirs, love comes with a complete set of problems and no manual. Admiral, I think Lee's right. After all these years you've built a strong suit of armor to keep emotions out and Lee's trying to tear it down with a battering ram. Lee, if you use the battering ram, you'll destroy the armor, but you might also destroy the man inside. The Admiral can't stop being who he is because you want him to. If he doesn't take off the armor slowly, by himself, then your togetherness will never have a chance."

"Oh God, I was thinking so much about myself that I didn't realize what I was doing. Harry, please..." He looked from the Admiral to Chip. "What can we do?"

"Decide what you each want and then decide if both of you can live with that."

"That's easy." Crane smiled. "I want to be here with Harry. It's all I've ever wanted." The smile died. "Admiral, what do you want?"

Gently taking Lee's hand, Nelson looked from one man to the other. "I don't know. I'm so confused I don't seem to be able to form a coherent thought. Mr. Morton, I do think you're wise beyond your years, but I don't think you can solve my problems even if you can define them. Maybe I should spend the night in my own cabin, alone, and see if I can figure out what I want." He met Morton's eyes. "And I won't install that plank just yet."

Sliding off the bunk, he stopped in front of Lee and stroked his face lightly. As he walked to the door, he said, "I'll see you both at breakfast."

It was quiet for several minutes after the Admiral left, then Chip broke the silence. "Jesus, Lee, how, where, what, when and why?"

"You want all the details now that I won't be embarrassing the Admiral?" He could hear the sarcasm in his voice and regretted it.

"No, I don't want the details. I can't even imagine how the two of you could..." he stopped, blushing.

"It's okay, Chip." He was touched by Chip's concern and his embarrassment. "Just trust me, it works, and the Admiral makes me feel like no one else ever has." His body tingled thinking about Harry's touch. "And when I got my orders to come to *Seaview*, I thought he'd finally decided we could be together. But they weren't his orders. Somebody in Washington assigned me to him after Captain Phillips was killed. I'm as confused by all this as Harry is. Our relationship was so well defined, only seeing each other on leaves. We've talked about serving together before, but the Admiral would never allow it because of all the problems we're having right now. Living in each other's pockets, working together, worrying about each other's safety, having to watch every word or glance or touch because we're locked in a small environment with over a hundred other men. Well," he paused, "we've obviously not handled ourselves very well since it only took you a couple of days to figure out what's going on." He shook his head, then rubbed his left shoulder. "Chip, I don't know what to do. I'd die before I'd hurt that man."

"Please, Lee, don't say that. Don't even think it. There has to be a better solution than for one of you to die. Let me help. Let me be your counselor, your go-between, your lookout, whatever you need. Tell the Admiral to let me help."

"I think you already have." Lee yawned. "I think I need some sleep. Maybe we all need some sleep. Maybe there'll be some answers tomorrow."

"Good night, Skipper. We'll find those answers." He closed the door quietly as he left.

But sleep wouldn't come. Lee's own lust had driven him so hard that he couldn't think beyond sex, the wonderful, exciting, satisfying sex. And Harry in his life every day. It would be so wonderful to start each day seeing Harry at breakfast and end each day over coffee reviewing the day's events. Then there were the nights -- to spend each night with Harry.

But there would still be problems and no easy solutions. Could he serve on Harry's ship and maintain a platonic relationship? Could he serve as Captain of the *Seaview* and not be the best captain he knew how? Could he let Harry protect him from whatever dangers the Admiral perceived? Would there be answers at breakfast? He closed his eyes and waited for the blissfulness of sleep.
* * * * *

Thu 27 Feb 64

Aboard the *Seaview* Lee managed a shower the next morning, but his shoulders and arms were so sore that he was having trouble with his shirt buttons when Chip knocked on his door. "Skipper?"

"Yeah? Come in." Still struggling with his shirt, Lee asked, "Ah, could you give me a hand? I had no idea I'd hurt this bad today."

"What did Doc say?"

"That I could probably start to exercise today, to work the soreness out of the muscles."

"I always hated being your sparring partner, so don't expect me to get in the ring with you," Morton laughed as he finished buttoning the shirt, then fixed Lee's tie.

Sensing a tenseness in Chip, Lee asked, "Does touching me make you uncomfortable?" He slowly tucked his shirt in and zipped his pants.

"Well, I never really thought about it before, but do you, well, do you think about me, ah..."?

"No, I don't. I'm in love with the Admiral and I have been for a long time. I'm not romantically interested in anyone else. We're friends, Chip, and I hope we stay that way." He checked his appearance in the mirror. "Have you seen the Admiral this morning?"

"Yes, we're still friends, and yes, I've seen the Admiral this morning. It appears he spent the night in the observation nose. When I suggested he get some rest, he said no, but that he'd like us to have breakfast in the observation nose with him, if you're up to leaving your quarters."

"Not as private as I'd like, but if I stay here he'll worry about me."

"The Admiral uses it a lot, especially to impress visitors. And everyone knows he uses it as his private office, so nobody should barge in. Besides, you should see his face light up when you walk down those stairs." Lee's face flushed and Chip just smiled.

"Well, I don't want him watching me today. I'd rather be seated before he comes into the room."

"If you hurt that bad, you should stay here."

"No. I'm just sore. I'll go work out in the gym after breakfast. I'll be fine. Besides, I can't give him any more reasons to worry. And if he and I spend any more time in my cabin, someone else might get suspicious."

"Any someone in particular?"

"Doctor Wilson."

"Oh?"

"Maybe another time, Chip. I really don't want to talk about Fred Wilson now."

"Fine, let's go. Maybe we can be there before the Admiral." Chip opened the door and waited as Lee walked slowly out into the hallway.

Lee stopped and asked, "Did he say anything this morning?"

"No, other than about breakfast. But he'd been up all night."

Descending the back ladder, Lee and Chip walked through the control room to the observation nose. A crewman was setting up a table for breakfast and Lee asked him to pour coffee.

"I feel like a kid in the principal's office, but this is so much more important," Lee said quietly. "I never dared hope that our relationship would get to this point."

Lee and Chip waited while Nelson walked through the control room, stopping to check various work stations. Then they sat silently while the crewman served breakfast and left.

"How're you feeling this morning, Lee?" the Admiral asked around his coffee cup.

"I'm fine, sir, but Chip tells me you were here all night."

"Mr. Morton said some very interesting things last night and I had a lot of thinking to do. Lee, I don't know if I can handle us here together, all the time. I don't know how it'll work. I don't know how to keep our relationship a secret. I don't know if I can stand to see you in danger, much less send you into danger. I keep seeing John Phillips in that burning car. But if Mr. Morton really thinks he can help us, like our friends in Berkeley have helped us, then I know I want to at least try. With you by my side."

Lee, grinning from ear to ear, took Harry's hand. "You know this is what I want, but don't expect me to compromise myself as an officer, or anything else. I have to be the best captain I can be. You know we'll disagree over things, you know we may even fight, but if Chip can make sure we don't make fools of ourselves, I'll try my best not to disappoint you."

"Lee, you've never disappointed me. My problems are with me, not with you. They always have been."

As Nelson gently stroked Lee's hand, Chip cleared his throat and whispered urgently, "We have company, gentlemen."

Civilian slacks followed civilian shoes as Fred Wilson descended the circular stairs. "I thought I might find you here, Harry. Is this a private meeting or may I join you?"

Nelson stood. "By all means, doctor, join us."

Crane groaned as he moved so Wilson could sit down. Lee hoped the man hadn't seen anything, and finally decided they'd pulled their hands apart in time.

"Still sore, Crane?" Wilson asked.

Lee noted the subtle hint of hostility in Wilson's voice and tried to ignore it. "Yes, sir. But I'll be ready for a rematch as soon as I work the soreness out. Please, have a seat." He had trouble being this close to Harry with Fred Wilson in the room, but there was no place to go, so he stared out the window at the colorful marine life. No wonder Harry used this place as an office. Maybe he would be willing to add another desk.

Lee turned around to observe the men's faces as Harry spoke. "I was discussing the possibility of Commander Crane taking the position of captain on a permanent basis," Nelson explained, but when Wilson started to object, Nelson held up his hand. "Hear me out. I think *Seaview* is very lucky to have such an officer at her helm." Harry's voice and body language changed as he talked to Wilson. Wilson devoted his attention to his coffee. "Mr. Morton, any change in our course or speed?" the Admiral inquired. "Any other signs of hostile forces?"

"Everything's on schedule as per the Captain's orders, sir," Morton responded.

The sounds of eating replaced conversation. Lee watched the fish and wondered about the Admiral's words. He wished he had a daisy so he could pull its petals: He loves me, I can stay, he loves me not, I must go...

Nelson's voice diverted Lee's attention from the fish. "Captain, you haven't touched your breakfast. Have you been released to return to duty?"

"I don't seem to be hungry this morning, sir, and I haven't seen the doctor yet."

"Even if he returns you to duty, I want you to start on those personnel reports. I left them on the desk in your quarters. Mr. Morton'll stop by your cabin after his watch to answer any questions you might have."

"Yes, sir. I'd better get to sick bay." His heart ached more than his body did. He hoped the sick bay excuse was sufficient to mask his true feelings from Harry about how uncomfortable he was sitting next to Wilson. {Dear God, don't Harry and I have enough problems without having to worry about that man?}

In sick bay he didn't try to fool the doctor, who ordered medication and rest. Exercise had to wait. After explaining his assignment from the Admiral to the doctor for his approval, Lee went to his quarters. He removed his tie and shoes, then loosened his collar before grabbing a stack of folders. He made himself comfortable on his bed and began to review the files on *Seaview*'s crew.

Sometime later, Chip woke him. "Skipper, you won't get any work done this way."

Shaking his head to clear away the cobwebs, Lee offered, "Blame it on Doc and his sneaky little pills. Wow, how long have I been asleep?"

"Awhile. Maybe I should get Doc to slip the Admiral one of those pills. He's had me cornered for the last hour. Maybe I should've kept my nose out of your business." He took the disarrayed folders, straightened them, and placed them back on Lee's desk.

Lee eased himself off his bunk and went into the head. "I guess we should tackle those files."

"Lee, as much as the Admiral wants you to know this crew, the order this morning was a smoke screen for Doctor Wilson, so he wouldn't bother you. The Admiral'll be here shortly and he wants us to talk. If we're interrupted, the files are in plain sight."

Drying his hands, Lee walked back into the room, rotating his arms, working sore muscles. "I need to run." He did some simple stretching exercises. "Do you think Harry and I can make this work? I mean working together, being together all the time? I thought we'd both been so careful since I was assigned here, but obviously we both need a lot of work."

"Lee," Chip pleaded, "don't get too paranoid about what I said yesterday. I don't think any of your actions or glances or behavior would invite any suspicion from the crew. They practically worship the Admiral, and I'm sure when they've had a chance to get to know you, they'll feel the same about you. If there are any gay men on board, I'm unaware of them, and only another gay man, or someone with my personal experience, would've noticed anything awry. Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks, Chip, I hope you're right." Lee couldn't help thinking about Fred Wilson, a gay man, and a dangerous one at that. Lee wondered what Wilson had noticed, if anything.

"To answer your question about being together on this boat," Chip continued, "let's look at it in conventional, straight terms. You and the Admiral have had an ongoing relationship for a few years, right?"

"Yes, almost ten years, in fact. So?"

"Wow, ten years. I never dreamed it'd been that long. Have you ever lived together before?" Lee shook his head. "Have you worked together since you became lovers?"

"No."

"Have you spent much time as a couple around a lot of straight people?"

"No, Chip. What're you getting at?"

"It's simple, Lee. For ten years you and the Admiral have been dating, and now you've moved in together, living together on a day-to-day basis. Couples do it all the time."

"Yes, Chip, but most couples do it with the approval of the world. Harry and I have to figure out a way to be together in plain sight of the straight world without letting anyone know how we feel about each other. That makes it a little more difficult for us. Besides," Lee frowned, "most couples date for a while, then get married. Harry and I certainly can't do that or buy a house or anything else that normal couples do."

"Why not? It seems to me a commitment is a commitment, and I also think that what you two have is worthy of commitment, rings, vows, a house, or anything you want."

"You mean like a marriage? Chip, don't be ridiculous! How can the Admiral and I get married?"

Chip chuckled. "Do you call him Admiral in bed?"

Smiling, Lee confessed, "Yeah, I guess, sometimes. It's the way I think about him. I admired and respected him before we, ah, before we...." The mirth changed to embarrassment.

"Became lovers?"

"Yeah."

"Lee, do you have a problem talking about this?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It's never been easy for me to discuss my sexual relationship with the Admiral with anyone."

"Have you ever tried?"

"You mean like with a priest or a Navy chaplain?" Lee sank slowly into his chair.

"I see your point, but I thought there might be someone," Chip hesitated.

"We do have friends in Berkeley, a couple, Charlie and Lloyd, who've helped us through some rough spots, but this crisis tossed Harry and me together without notice or preparation. It's not like we can call Charlie and Lloyd for a counseling session, no matter how much we'd like to."

"Yeah, well," Chip looked away and sighed, "I wish my brother could've talked to someone. Maybe he'd still be alive. Sometimes it helps to have another point of view."

"I wish he'd known he could depend on you. It helps to know someone cares. I wish the rest of the world had your kind of understanding. Some days I wish we were alone on a desert island because even though I'd never admit it to the Admiral, we do have a lot to lose if anyone finds out." Bitterness welled up inside of him. "If wishes were horses..."

"I know that better than you do. It's why I have to help. *Seaview* may not be regular Navy, but there're plenty of people in Washington who would crucify Admiral Nelson if they knew about you two."

"I know you're right, but something in me can't believe that what I feel for the Admiral is wrong. I feel so wonderful when we're together and I can't think of anyone else when we're apart. Chip, this can't be wrong."

"Do you want a lifetime with him?" Chip perched on the edge of Lee's desk.

"Of course I do. But right now I want to stay by his side and be *Seaview*'s captain, even though his mood swings are driving me crazy and I've never seen him so out of sorts. Do you think we should throw anything else at the Admiral?"

"He's an old-fashioned kind of guy." Chip smiled. "Well, in a kinky sort of way, and I think he might handle a commitment more easily than an undefined casual relationship."

"I've never considered our relationship to be casual. I've dreamed about being with him, working with him, but I never thought there was a way to make it work."

"Maybe you should think again."

"Do you mean we could wear wedding rings and share quarters with a double bed and people wouldn't notice?" Black loneliness crept into his mind.

"After Robert, my brother, died, I got to be friends with his lover. I learned some things about how men can declare their feelings to each other without allowing the rest of the world to notice. For instance, matching rings worn on the right hand. Or plain bands on the left. Or other tokens of love. It only matters to the two of you. A public declaration isn't necessary, only that you can look at your ring the way I look at mine and know what it means."

"And vows? You going to find us a priest?"

"Vows are what you promise each other, in front of witnesses or to one another. After all, wedding vows are promises made between the people being married. You've already taken a military oath to obey the orders given by Admiral Nelson. Would it be much different to exchange promises based on your feelings and expectations?"

"No, I guess not. It's more than I've ever thought about. And considering how shaky he's been about my staying here as his *captain*, I'm not sure I should ask him for anything else. After all, our relationship has consisted mostly of stolen hours or days in some place where no one knew us. Since we didn't see each other for months at a time, we'd spend most of our time in bed."

Chuckling, Chip said, "Sounds like most of the sailors I know. But I think you'll find you want more now, especially if you're going to be together all the time. Friendship. Companionship. And quite frankly, it's going to take someone like you to replace John Phillips on this tub. He knew how to take the pressure off Admiral Nelson and keep things running smoothly."

"The Admiral and Captain Phillips weren't..."?

"No, Lee. In fact, until I saw you and the Admiral together, I didn't know he ever thought about anything but business. Sometimes he gets so lost in his work, he forgets to eat and sleep. There are times when he needs a keeper." Chip laughed.

"And now we both need keepers." Lee relaxed enough to laugh, too.

"Changing the subject, can I ask you a question?" Chip's voice sounded hesitant. "It's about something you mentioned earlier."

"I guess so, Chip. I can't imagine hiding anything from you after everything that's happened the past few days." Lee was curious. "What is it?"

"Well, I'm wondering about Doctor Wilson. What's the problem with him? You sounded pretty disgusted when you mentioned his name before, and you really tensed up when he showed up at breakfast. What's up?"

Lee groaned and dropped his head in his hands and was quiet for a long time before he looked up again. "You might as well know, Chip, that I really hate that guy. I hate him and I'm afraid of him and I don't trust him."

"But why?"

"Because the man's queer and he put some moves on me several years ago. When I told him to fuck off, he got ugly. We've hated each other ever since."

"My God, Lee, Doctor Wilson is gay? I never suspected."

"I suppose the only reason he hasn't made a pass at such a gorgeous blond like you is because you're older than he likes. He really likes them young. He's a pig."

"No wonder you hate him. Does the Admiral know?"

"Just the bare facts, pretty much what I told you. None of the nasty details."

"Did he hurt you, Lee? What exactly did he do?"

Lee sighed. "It's ancient history. I was a young, green officer when our paths first crossed. He came on to me so fast I hardly knew what was happening. No class, no finesse, no manners at all. He was relentlessly aggressive, and seemed to think that because he wanted me, I should bend over and spread my legs." He paused when Chip blushed. "I'm sorry, Chip, I didn't intend to get so graphic. I didn't like his attitude or his rude demands or his hands on my butt or anything else about him. I still don't."

"You mean he actually touched you...?"

"Don't look so surprised. Men do it to women all the time and it's very demeaning." Lee shook his head. "From the first moment I realized what the good doctor wanted, I let him know I wasn't interested. Unfortunately, he refused to take no for an answer. The more he pushed, the more I resisted, and the ruder he became. Eventually, he threatened me. Said he'd ruin my career if I didn't acquiesce, but I gritted my teeth and ignored him. Finally he left me alone. Probably found a new little boy to play with. So," Lee smiled grimly, "that's why I don't like Doctor Wilson."

"No wonder," Chip muttered.

Moments passed in silence before the door opened as Nelson knocked. "Busy?"

Morton rose to attention immediately, but Crane was slower getting to his feet. "Yes, sir," Lee answered. "But Doc insisted I take another pain pill and Mr. Morton found me asleep."

"At ease, gentlemen." Nelson closed the door and locked it. "Lee, you may think you're running things on this boat, but Doc has the last word. Just like you were still in the Navy. How far did you get on the personnel reports?"

Chip stepped around the desk so there would be more room for Nelson. "We've given our highest priority to the top ranking officers: you and the Skipper, sir. We'll work down from there."

Nelson looked first at Crane, then at Morton. "So where do we start?"

"Talking, sir. Talking. Lee and I have been discussing how the progression of your relationship compares to straight couples. Basically, you've had a long period of dating and now you're sharing a house, er, well, submarine." All three men laughed, then Chip continued, "You both need to decide what you want next before you can begin to achieve it. It seems to me you have three choices: one, Lee can leave after this mission and you continue your relationship the way it's always been; two, you can hire Lee on as *Seaview*'s permanent captain and continue your relationship as it's always been, with the added stress of being under the same roof; three, Lee can stay on and you can take your relationship to the next step and beyond. Of course, I realize that your relationship could also intensify if you weren't living here together, but long-distance love affairs are so much more difficult."

Harry looked confused, and asked, "What do you mean about taking it to the next level?"

"Admiral, there are countless ways your relationship can grow. That's what you and Lee need to work out. Hopes, dreams, expectations, requirements, likes and dislikes, pet peeves. How you each feel about all those things in relation to each other. You may already know some of those things about the other, but obviously not everything or you wouldn't be having your current problems." Watching Harry, Lee thought about what Chip was saying. Then Chip continued, "For the duration of your relationship, you need to learn to rely on each other more than people do in a quote normal unquote relationship. Lee tells me you really don't have anyone available to talk to about your feelings and so I hereby volunteer. If you keep your feelings completely bottled up, you might compromise the specialness you have."

"Mr. Morton, do you think we should talk to you at this point?" Nelson asked.

"Not yet, sir. Talk to each other first. I'm the XO on your boat and both of you are my commanding officers. I think we all need to get used to whatever roles we're going to play in each other's lives. I'm not a trained therapist, I'm someone who cares about both of you. I don't want to push for too much too fast. You, sir, are a living legend. Working for you is an honor and a privilege, but interfering in your personal life is very intimidating, even though I feel it needs to be done. Lee and I were basically equal until he walked onto *Seaview* as her captain. I think I'd like to go real slow."

Lee mumbled, "Real slow is nice," then couldn't stop the image in his mind of Harry on a bed, naked and ready. Lee's face flushed with heat, while his body betrayed him in uniform pants that were suddenly too tight.

Morton glanced at Lee and blushed bright red, "Ah, in fact," he paused and looked chagrined, "I think right now I'd like to go, sir." He stared at the floor. "Ah, you see, sir, I've seen that look in Lee's eyes before. We were roommates for a long time and I watch him. Of course, I thought he was dating women. You've probably seen it, too. I don't think he's interested in talking right now. So how about if I go mind the boat for a while?" He glanced at the Admiral. Watching Nelson blush, Chip added. "I'm sorry sir, I shouldn't have said that. If I open my mouth a little wider, I could probably get my other foot in there. Really, sir, I'm trying to help, but you two are so obvious about how you feel, at least in my eyes, and I...."

"Chip," Lee soothed, "it's okay. I'm sorry. I can't seem to stop my body from expressing my feelings these days. I didn't mean to embarrass you or myself, but you're doing just fine. We're all doing the best we can." Wishing he had sat back down after the Admiral entered the room, Lee was thankful that Chip had the good manners to look at his eyes and not at his crotch.

"Yes, sir." Chip waved a salute.

Lee closed and locked the door after Morton left. "Admiral, sir, please kiss me."

"I thought our XO said we should talk. And you're still hurt...."

"But he knew how much I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you through the floor."

As color rose in the Admiral's face again, Lee reached for the buttons on Nelson's shirt. "No button ripping!" Nelson slapped at Crane's hands. "I'm sure Mr. Morton ruled out button ripping."

Lee sighed, frustrated; his heart and body were in turmoil. "I didn't tell him about that. I haven't told him anything really, the words wouldn't come out. Maybe you and I should talk, but when I'm this close to you, my body wants action, not conversation. We were apart too long, and I can't seem to get enough of you."

"So I see, Captain. So I see." Crane ran his fingers down the Admiral's shirt buttons, over his belt buckle, and across his groin. "Oh God, Harry, you're as hard for me as I am for you." He wrapped his arms around Nelson and took Harry's mouth, exhilarated by the jolts of fire in his body as they pulled together. "Now, Harry." He shoved the Admiral towards the bed.

Breathing hard, Nelson held Crane at arm's length. "Clothes, Lee, clothes. I'm going to take my clothes off and you're going to take your clothes off."

Lee removed his pants and dipped his right shoulder to take off his shirt, when his muscles spasmed, causing him to cry out in pain.

Harry grabbed him, quickly kneading the cramped shoulder muscles. "I thought you were a bit too eager."

Sagging against the Admiral, Lee mumbled. "I don't know what's wrong with me. A second ago I was so hot and hard that I needed to fuck you, to own you right that second. My brain thinks I'm going to die if I can't make love to you, but my body seems to have other ideas. I lost it, Harry."

Arms around Lee, he soothed, "I know, I see. Maybe you're being driven by a need to re-affirm life rather than your usual horny passion."

"Harry!" Lee cried, "I don't loose erections, particularly when I want you so badly and you're standing here, ready for me." He buried his head in Harry's shoulder and trembled.

"I'd say it was the pain. Here, stand up and let me help you take off your shirt."

Lee did as he was told. "You're hurt, laddie, but not fatally wounded. You're battered and bruised, which puts you on the sidelines for a play or two. Nothing we can't fix." Harry's hands were warm and reassuring.

"This is ridiculous, Harry. I feel like a plate of wet spaghetti."

Harry propelled Lee towards the bunk. "On the bed, laddie, face down."

Lee did as he was told, closing his eyes. Humiliated, he wished he could run away and hide. He could hear Harry moving around in the room, going into the head, opening cabinets. A few moments later Harry settled down to straddle Lee just below the hips. He accepted the weight on his legs as Harry mostly supported himself on his own knees. Feeling Harry's warm cock settle against his bare buttocks, Lee was sorry that he had closed his eyes and missed watching Harry undress.

"Lee," Harry began as he leaned forward to massage Lee's right shoulder, "you have to learn that my employees are all part of a team and if my doctor takes one of my players out of the game, it's for a good reason. I trust his judgment. If he says you're too injured to return to duty, then there's a good chance he'd say you're too injured for sexual calisthenics."

"But sir, I failed. I was ready and I lost it." Lee tried to relax into the warm, oily hands.

"Laddie, every man fails now and again, usually with good cause."

"But Admiral, I don't..."

"Laddie, it's always hard, ah, I mean..."

Lee managed a weak chuckle at the Admiral's words. "If I were hard, there wouldn't be a problem."

"Trust me to fix it." Harry trailed tiny kisses across the back of Lee's neck.

"And if you can't..."?

"What do you mean, *can't*?" Harry shifted his weight and massaged the left shoulder. "That word's not in my vocabulary, Captain."

Lee jumped as Harry applied pressure to a sore spot. Responding to Lee's reaction, Harry kneaded the muscle with careful knuckle pressure. "Most problems have more than one solution, but sometimes it's difficult to see anything but the most obvious one."

Harry's weight shifted again. "I need more oil. Hold on while I warm it in my hands." Then Harry's strong hands resumed the massage. "You have such beautiful skin, Lee. It glows when I rub oil into it. Most submariners develop pasty skin from too many days away from the sun, but you look like you just came from the beach -- all the time."

Harry's erection pressed against Lee as Harry moved around to work on more sore muscles.

"When I think about you," Harry continued softly, "the sight of your skin, taut and tan over firm muscles, it makes my body burn." The rhythm of Harry's quiet words matched the movement of his hands over Lee's body. "I love the sight of your firm ass covered with a freshly pressed uniform walking away from me.

"I love the hot way you look when you walk into a bar, your basket prominently displayed in those indecently tight jeans, when you know every man in the room wants you.

"I love the way you cup my ass and pull us together on the dance floor. I love to feel you get hard for me to the sounds of soft, slow romantic music.

"I love the way you shiver when I explore your ear with my tongue." Harry kissed Lee's ear. "I love the way your eyes sparkle in the early morning sunlight.

"I love the way your smile makes everything brighter.

"I love the sound of your laughter and I promise to find more ways to make your laugh."

Lee listened, mesmerized.

"I love the way the little boy in you peeked out the first time we made love beside a Christmas tree.

"I love the way you look behind the wheel of that wild red sports car of yours when you tackle curves like a raving madman.

"I love watching you run in those tiny tight shorts that display exquisite muscles working smoothly and gracefully, like a young stallion.

"I love your strong legs wrapped around me, crushing me, pulling me inside you.

"I love watching you try to solve a complicated logic problem, with your bulldog determination and brilliant mind, your fingers absently fondling your slide rule.

"I love to see the respect and love on all the men's faces as you move about the boat, and knowing that you're all mine.

"I love the way you look in the control room, cool as a cucumber, always in complete command."

A small laugh bubbled up inside Lee. His shoulder muscles were relaxing and his cock twitched with new life.

"I love the way you look lying on bright white sheets, your body framed by the contrast of light and dark.

"I love your hair when it springs free and curls naturally. Someday I want you to let it grow long and wild.

"I love the shy innocent looks you give me when you close your eyes and open your mouth, inviting me to kiss you.

"And I do love kissing you." Lee sighed. {Will you ever know how much I love kissing you?}

"I love your nipples and I love the way they get hard for me when I run my tongue over them, then suck them into my mouth.

"I love the sight of your perfect ass and I particularly love the way you quiver when I run my tongue over the entrance to your body." Harry's oily fingers caressed Lee's hips, teased the tight opening, and tickled the balls nestled between Lee's legs. "I love the way your body opens for me and your eyes glow with inner fire when I finger fuck you.

"I love the way you look at me through those long lashes and beg me to fuck you, and when you whisper *please*, I almost lose it.

"I love the taste of your cream in my mouth, so warm and sweet and bitter and precious that I don't want to waste a single drop.

"I love your cock, long and thick and rock hard, surrounded by the gold ring nestled in your black curls.

"I love your hands and the way they caress my body. You set me on fire with just the touch of those long, elegant fingers.

"I love to lick your tummy clean when I don't drink your cream and it splashes over your flat hard belly.

"I love the sight of you in afterglow, your beautiful body covered with a sheen of sweat because you've loved me so hard.

"I love the way your mouth looks slightly bruised by my kisses, your eyes the color of sun-warmed honey, your face relaxed in the aura of my love.

"And especially, my dear heart, I love the passion that flashes in your eyes just before you rip open my shirt."

"Ummmm, Harry...." Lee felt safe and warm and pampered. "I love you." {Nobody's ever said such wonderful things to me. What did I ever do to deserve so much love?}

Harry patted Lee's ass. "Turn over."

"Can't. You're sitting on me," Lee mumbled as he tried to move his legs.

Harry raised himself up on his knees so that Lee could maneuver. "Now, turn over. Wait, let me slide this towel under you."

Lee lifted his butt. When Lee was settled on his back, Harry poured more oil on his hands and then rubbed their cocks until they were both shiny and standing tall. When Harry leaned forward and their cocks touched, it sent sparks of fire throughout Lee's body. He could see the effect reflected in the bright blue eyes.

"Kiss me," Lee pleaded.

Harry shifted his weight and rolled Lee onto his side so they were both stretched out, facing each other, on top of the towel. Between kisses, their bodies pressed tightly together, Harry asked, "Do you remember the night you were so hot for me that you backed me into a corner, rubbing, pushing, and gyrating so frantically that you came in your uniform?"

"I remember," Lee laughed as he kissed lightly at Harry's mouth, "that I wasn't the only one who had to change clothes that night."

"Well, tonight, we won't have to change clothes."

"Harry, this is not how I wanted to make love to you tonight."

"I know, laddie, but you're still on the sidelines. If I allow you to do anything strenuous, one of us might have to explain to Doctor Jamison how you compounded your injuries."

He closed his eyes. "I hate it when you're right, sir," Lee snuggled closer, wanting more of Harry's words, "but I'm not sure I remember how to do it this way."

When Harry laughed, his whole body moved and Lee enjoyed the sensation. "I suppose you want me to play professor and give you instructions?"

"Of course." Rocking his body against Harry's, Lee said, "Tell me what you feel when you're inside me, when you ride me so hard I can't move later without thinking about you."

"Silly boy, how can I describe paradise? When you give yourself to me, when you take me, when your eyes dilate and you scream for me.... Oh, Lee, you give me life and youth and passion until I think I'm going to explode into a billion tiny pieces." He cupped his hands around Lee's buttocks and pulled them closer, pushing and rocking.

Lee found Harry's mouth with his own and tried to push himself into the other man, matching Harry's rhythm. They pumped together, until hot cream spurted and mixed on their skin, making a puddle under them.

Harry raised up on his elbow and knee to get at the towel and pull it out from under Lee. He tossed it to the floor and announced, "Viola, no more wet spot."

Spent and relaxed, Lee snuggled beside Harry, drawing circles in the semen that missed the towel and splashed on Harry's belly. When his finger was covered, he offered it to Harry. "I want this every day of my life. To be here with you."

Around Lee's finger, Harry replied, "So you keep telling me, and it's impossible to argue with you when you have me at your mercy like this." Repeating the ritual, Harry scooped a fingerful of mingled cream and offered it to Lee. "You're so young and handsome and when you smile, you light up a room. So why do I keep trying to push you away?"

"Maybe something Chip pointed out?" Lee offered.

Nelson's body tensed. "And what might that be?" "Relax, Harry, please trust Chip." He kissed the Admiral's mouth lightly. "It's an observation Chip made. Part of it was when he talked to us about your armor. He told me a little while ago that until he saw us together, he didn't think you cared about anything but your work, particularly since ours is a relationship not sanctioned by most of the world. I'm finally beginning to understand why it's difficult for you to let down your defenses, to be willing to try to solve the problems we have."

Nelson gestured to their bodies. "I'd say my defenses were pretty much shot to hell." He brought his eyes back to Lee's face. "What other words of wisdom did Mr. Morton have to offer?"

"Some that I'm not ready to discuss." A cold stone settled in Lee's stomach. "Please, Harry, don't ask me."

"Oh. Could you share the words?"

"These are heavy words, Harry, and I'm afraid we might not be able to handle them."

"Jesus, Lee, now you have to tell me."

"Well, remember that you asked for this." Lee took a deep breath. "You know that Chip is married and he said if our relationship is going to grow and mature, we need to think about making a commitment to each other, maybe even get married."

"People like us can't get married. What a ridiculous notion. Hell, we can't even hold hands in public."

"That's what I said, too. But Chip said that whatever vows we make to each other are important only to us. They're nobody else's business. He reminded me that I've already sworn an oath to obey your orders. I guess that's why I call you *admiral* or *sir* all the time." He chuckled, remembering he did call Harry *admiral* in bed.

"Are you asking me to marry you, Lee?" Nelson's face was unreadable.

"I don't know. I told you the words were heavy. It never seemed possible that we could have a close working relationship, much less a life-long commitment, so I haven't thought about it. Considering all the problems you're having trying to decide if I can stay on *Seaview*, I don't think we're ready for anything else."

Nelson stroked Lee's face. "Marriage. Not a word I thought was in my vocabulary. I'm having trouble with *I love you.*"

Holding Nelson's hand against his face, Lee stared into blue eyes. "Is loving me the problem or is it saying the words that you can't handle?"

"Oh, Lee. I'm having trouble with what loving you is doing to me and my life."

Lee pulled Harry's hands to his lips, kissing the palms. "Maybe we should curl up here and sleep wrapped around each other and leave all this other stuff for the trip home, if there is a trip home. What if the bomb fails or the bad guys come back?"

"My plan will work," the Admiral declared. "Besides, there haven't been any attacks since those depth charges. Everything's proceeding on schedule."

"That's what has me worried. I can't believe our enemies have given up." He pulled Harry's fingers to his mouth and kissed them. "No more decisions, no more stress about us until we're sailing home. Deal?"

"And if we don't make it?"

"Then we have tonight to hold each other. If it's time to die, I want to be secure in your arms and if it's time to live, we need some sleep."
* * * * *

Tue 03 Mar 64

Aboard the *Seaview* Tension mounted as the minutes passed. Lee removed his tie and opened his collar in an attempt to relax. It was two hours to zero as he stood behind the sonar operator with Chief Jones. "How much ice overhead now?" Crane asked for the tenth time.

The sonar operator, Sparks, responded, "About the same, sir. Irregular, ten to twenty feet."

"That stuff's hard as cement. We can't ram through it," the Chief said.

We've come so far, we can't fail now. He drew a deep breath. "We'll give it another five minutes on this heading."

The sonar operator stared at his screen. "Captain, there couldn't be another ship in these waters, could there?"

Leaning forward for a better look at the screen, Crane said, "Only another sub. Why?"

"I had a flash reading a few thousand yards astern," Sparks reported.

"You think a sub's on our tail, Captain?" the Chief asked.

"It's not likely. Let's keep checking."

Crane felt Nelson's hand brush his arm when the Admiral came to stand beside him. As Crane stared at the sonar screen, he noted that Doctor Wilson had moved to stand beside the Admiral. Worry lined the Admiral's face.

"If we don't find an opening, we'll have to risk blasting out."

Doctor Wilson looked at his watch. "It's less than two hours to zero. We've got to surface."

Adrenaline pumped through Lee's body. "Admiral, we can't fire the missiles until the systems are repaired."

Wilson snapped. "And how long is that going to take?"

{Damn it! We're about to die and this asshole wants me to take the blame for damage done by depth charges.}

Professionalism drilled into him by years of military training allowed Crane to keep his voice calm and even. "It's hard to say, Doctor Wilson. They've been knocked out since the last enemy attack. Should be repaired any time now."

Looking at his watch again, Wilson snapped, "They'd better be."

"Captain. Unidentified fast propellers. Bearing zero niner zero. Short-scale pinging," Sonar reported.

Anger flashed in the Admiral's blue eyes. "A sub? They don't give up easily, do they?"

Lee held the Admiral's gaze as Doctor Wilson moved to the plotting table. "Admiral," he whispered, "if this is the end of everything, we go together, holding each other." Nelson nodded, then moved to join Doctor Wilson.

Leaning over the sonar screen, Lee watched the movement of the enemy submarine and noted when two torpedoes were fired. He stepped quickly to the plotting board and whispered to Admiral Nelson, "Torpedoes in the water. Please stay close."

As the klaxon sounded, Crane ordered, "Battle stations." While his order was repeated in the control room, he gripped the microphone and repeated, "Battle stations. Left full rudder." He waited for his orders to be repeated before continuing. "Rig for attack. Missile room, can we return fire?"

He focused on the Admiral as he heard the fatal words: "Negative. Torpedoes are inoperable." {Harry, we aren't going to make it.}

Nelson's voice was strong and confident. "If we can't shoot, we have to run for it."

Wilson stared in disbelief. "And how do you out run a torpedo?"

Nodding to the Admiral, Crane ordered, "Dive. All dive. Full speed ahead."

*Seaview* was in a crash dive when the torpedoes exploded aft, rocking the boat. As he was tossed around, Crane grabbed for the table edge with one hand and the Admiral with the other. He was not going to die without Harry in his arms. "Admiral, this is your baby. How much pressure can she take?" he shouted.

"Thirty four hundred feet," he stated confidently, then mouthed to Lee, "On the drawing board."

Crane yelled, "Confirm depth."

"Twenty three hundred feet," replied Mr. Morton.

"Torpedoes in the water, Captain," reported Sonar.

Holding tightly to the table and to the Admiral, Lee waited for the blast. {Please God.} When the ship stopped shaking, Crane gulped for air. "Depth, Mr. Morton."

"Thirty two hundred feet."

Nelson pushed his hand against Lee's arm as *Seaview* continued downward. "We can take more depth than any other sub. We can do this."

Crane nodded. "I hope you're right."

The enemy submarine exploded, rocking *Seaview* with shock waves stronger than the torpedoes, throwing everyone around the control room. Crane held onto the Admiral's arm, not daring to lose him.

As the boat stopped shaking, Lee yelled, "Damage control. Report."

"Damage control, aye, sir. Still all green, Captain."

Nelson shuddered. "That was too close for comfort. You'd better take us up, Captain."

"Clear patch of water dead ahead," reported Sonar.

Nelson gripped Lee's shoulder. "We still have a chance."

"Emergency blow, Mr. Morton. Put us on the roof," the Captain ordered.

"Emergency blow, aye. Hang on to your hat, sir."

The Arctic sky was bright and clear when Crane and Nelson climbed out onto the conning tower. They watched as the crew unloaded the snow cat and the bomb. Very quickly, Doctor Wilson made ready to go, accompanied by Seaman Malone.
* * * * *

Listening to Wilson scream about the plane, Lee realized he had screwed up somehow. The aircraft had flown in under *Seaview*'s radar and attacked the bomb site location. After the enemy submarine, Lee told himself, he should have been alert to the possibility of another attack and he had missed it.

He held the microphone in his hand and listened to Admiral Nelson order, "Stand fast and wait."

Determined to be with the Admiral if the end came, Lee hurried forward to the observation nose. {If I wasn't an adrenaline junkie before I joined this crew, I am now. My heart may stop if this doesn't end soon, one way or the other.} Lee stood next to the Admiral as Fred Wilson radioed that the blast from the enemy plane had damaged the snow cat and injured both him and Malone.

As Wilson said good-bye, Lee knew he could not leave the two men out there on the ice to perish. "Admiral, we have forty-four minutes. It's my fault they're injured. If I can find them...."

"Lee, you'll never make it." The pain in Harry's face was unbearable to Lee. "And it's not your fault...."

"Okay, it's not my fault, but damn it, I missed that plane, and it's my responsibility. I'm the Captain. Sir, I have to try. I can't leave them out there to die."

As Lee and Chief Jones prepared to depart, Nelson gripped Lee's shoulder through the thick polar gear, leaned forward and whispered urgently. "Damn it, don't you screw this up. You get your butt back on time, or I'll never forgive you."

"Yes, sir, Admiral, sir," Lee murmured, "I love you, too." He stepped away, then added, "You leave on time. You're not to jeopardize this crew to wait for me. Promise me."

The Admiral nodded, pain clearly etched in his face. "I promise."

After twenty minutes of frantic foot travel with Chief Jones, Lee brushed the thick falling snow from his face. He stopped to scan the area and tried the radio again. "Wilson, I'm going to fire a flare. Tell me where you see it."

A blast of static, then Wilson's voice, "Overhead, I see it overhead."

"We're coming."

Running to Wilson's location, Lee and Jones worked frantically to free the snow cat and secure the injured men.

Pushing the vehicle beyond its safety limits on the way back to *Seaview*, he chanted: "Hurry, hurry, we have to hurry." He checked his watch. Too late. We aren't going to make it.

"Crane, what's the matter?" questioned Wilson.

"We're too late, sir. The Admiral promised to leave on schedule."

Pointing to a dark spot in the distance, Wilson stated, "It's a good thing he doesn't take orders from you. Hurry."

Lee spotted the ship. {Damn it, Harry, you put the whole crew at risk for me. This'll tear you apart and drive me out of your life. If you do that, I'd rather die out here.}

Morton was waving and yelling. "Hurry. Leave the cat. Hurry."
* * * * *

Wed 04 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Even though *Seaview* was thirty minutes too close to the detonation area, the ship suffered only minor damage. Operation Counter Force was a success and *Seaview* was headed home at a leisurely pace. Several hours later, Crane was in the control room checking the damage reports when the Admiral's voice boomed over the intercom system. "Captain Crane."

"Yes, sir."

"Report to my cabin after your watch."

"Yes, sir." He hung up the microphone and smiled at Chip. "Here we go again."

"Not quite, Skipper. At least the world is safe. And maybe so are you. Go. I have the conn."

He gripped Chip's shoulder and held it for a moment. "Thanks." Then he left the control room.

Outside the Admiral's door, Lee paused and squared his shoulders, then knocked.

"Come in, Lee."

Inside, a table was set for two. As Lee shook his head, Nelson said, "It was Mr. Morton's idea. He said that dinner was a good place to talk, and we have a lot of things to talk about. He also apologized for the lack of candles and wine, things he recommends for special dinners." Harry appeared relaxed for the first time since the mission started, and gestured for Lee to sit down.

"Not yet, Admiral. First, you have to tell me why you didn't dive. You promised you wouldn't wait for me." Lee was angry and hurt and glad to be alive and he wanted to hug the stuffing out of Harry.

"Fate," the Admiral offered.

"That's the second time you've given me that answer."

"I don't know what else to say. Just as Mr. Morton told me it was time to leave, that plane returned. We had to protect ourselves and by the time it was all over, Mr. Morton had spotted the snow cat." Nelson stood by the table. "I'll never know if I could have left without you."

"Maybe *Fate* wants us together?"

"Well, Mr. Morton certainly does, and he's assured me that his motives are purely personal."

The Admiral sat down. "Shall we eat? Then you can tell me what he means."

"Since he knows our deepest secret, maybe you should call him Chip, at least in private."

Lee sat and placed his napkin in his lap.

"Chip really does like serving on the *Seaview*, as do all the men I've interviewed, but he thinks he failed his brother and he won't allow himself to fail us. That is, if there is an *us*."

Lee took a sip of water and picked up his fork, although he wasn't very hungry. The idea that his relationship with Harry might be in trouble caused his stomach to knot up and his throat to close. Lee suspected that Harry might feel the same way since he wasn't eating either.

Nelson pushed his food around the plate with a fork. "I thought that damn squid attack scared me, but it was nothing compared to what I felt when I thought I was going to have to leave you to be killed by a bomb that wouldn't have left enough of you to bury."

"I couldn't leave Wilson to die. Admiral, I should've known about that plane somehow, and I'll never know if I missed it because my mind was elsewhere, but I couldn't leave those men to die because I fucked up on the job. We agreed that you'd leave on time. If you'd stayed to save me and sacrificed your crew -- I mean, Harry, it could go on forever. If I stay, it'll happen again. If I go command another boat, it'll happen again, but you won't know about it until it's over." He toyed with his food. "Can we go back to only seeing each other every so often?"

"I'm not sure what we can and can't do. I do know our lives'll never be the same again, once we hit home. For one thing, Chip Morton knows about us, and while we can trust him to keep our secret, I don't think we can trust him not to play Cupid. He thinks we belong together."

"So do I," Lee said as he stared into Harry's beautiful eyes. "Just remember, he also advised us that we both have to want the same thing. He told me that in most man-woman marriages, it's usual for the woman to accept a man's decisions in their lives, following and supporting his career."

Harry sipped his coffee. "That won't work with us. We both have careers, and I can't see either of us quitting our jobs."

"Understand, Admiral. I want to stay here and work with you more than anything. I don't want to give up my career to be the wife you leave on shore."

Nelson laughed as he pulled a roll in half. "I can see you in a little apron, keeping a tidy house." He laughed, "Just an apron, you understand."

"You're a dirty old man."

The Admiral turned serious. "Don't be ridiculous, Lee. I can't deprive the Navy of one of her finest officers. Not with everything I believe in and certainly not now, with our country still recovering from the death of President Kennedy and the problems in Southeast Asia and who knows what else. I may not be regular Navy, but I'm still attached to the Pentagon and to Washington. Maybe I could install you in an office at the Institute where you'd be safe, but I don't think you'd stay."

"No, sir." He sipped his water, wishing it were wine. "I've trained all my life to be a Naval Officer. I worked very hard for submarine training and duty, and I don't want to be anywhere else but on a sub, preferably this one. If I wanted to be safe, I wouldn't have gone to the academy, sir. It's men like us who keep other people safe."

"True, but I seem to be obsessed with your personal safety and you haven't made a single reference to your feelings about my safety. Don't you feel the same way about me?"

"Losing you would probably kill me, but I'm not obsessed about it. I trust your experience and maturity to keep you safe. Maybe I've learned to trust your crew or maybe I'm young enough to still believe in immortality. I couldn't bear to lose you, Harry, but I don't think about it all the time."

"And I do?"

"You're the one who's recognized your obsession. My only obsession is you. Charlie Bamia has tried for six years to cure me of my obsession and has failed. Thoughts of making love to you occupy every spare minute I have, thinking about how beautiful you are when you're completely in my control, when your eyes glaze over, when your cream fills my mouth and drips down my chin because there's so much I can't swallow fast enough, when I know that I've left you so completely satisfied that you can't move." Reaching across the table, he ran his fingers across Harry's red cheeks. "And I love to make you blush."

"Sometimes, Captain Crane, you make me blush by walking into the room."

"I know, and I love it." He ran his finger around Harry's lips, then slipped his finger in and out of Harry's mouth. "And tell me Admiral, sir, wouldn't it be much better if you obsessed about eating me instead of my being eaten by a giant squid?" He pulled his hand back, then sobered. "Seriously, sir, if the Russians decide to nuke us, no one's safe anywhere." Lee poured himself a cup of coffee and sipped it.

"Okay, okay. I'll work on my obsession, but be patient with me because I do worry about you. Whether you admit it or not, you are an adrenaline junkie and that can be dangerous. I need your promise that you'll be careful. I lost John Phillips because we weren't cautious enough." He was silent for a moment. "If I can learn to control my fears for your safety, and if I decide to put you in permanent command of the *Seaview*, what more do you want from me?"

"I don't understand, Harry. Being here with you all the time, on the submarine you built, working at your side -- these are the things I want." Lee held his breath. {Was Harry giving in?}

"What if my condition for you to remain here is no sex while we're on board?"

Lee dropped his cup, spilling coffee into the saucer. "What?" he sputtered.

"I think my question was clear and well-phrased, Captain. Perhaps you could answer in the same manner." Nelson's voice was decidedly military now.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Just answer my question."

"Yes, sir." He straightened to attention in his chair and took a deep breath. "Well, sir, before this cruise, the only times we've made love have been on shore leave, away from the Navy and any prying eyes. If I have to choose between being with you everyday and only seeing you at irregular intervals for shore leave, I'd rather be with you every day. But, sir, understand, if you make that no-sex rule, I'll do my best to change your mind." He slipped his foot out of his shoe and caressed Harry's groin with his toes. "And my best is very good."

Nelson stroked Lee's leg. "I should've known. You'll drive me absolutely crazy until I relent."

"Yes, sir, I won't be able to help myself," he offered, sensing a victory.

"Another reason I can't let you stay." He pushed Lee's foot away and folded his hands under his chin.

Lee slumped in defeat. "Okay, I give up. I'll obey your orders, Admiral. I've already sworn an oath to obey them, but sir, I can't believe you're serious."

"About us, I'm deadly serious. We simply can't be reckless about our relationship. This isn't a fairy tale and we can't live happily ever after, especially if anyone finds out."

"Harry, if I lose you, I don't care about anything else. Don't push me out of your life because the rest of the world doesn't understand how special you are to me."

"So you're assuring me that if I order no sex on board, you'll obey that order?" Harry's eyes were ice blue. "And no games?"

"Harry, don't do this," Lee pleaded.

"Captain, if I give that order, will you obey it?"

Sighing in defeat, Lee mumbled, "Yes, sir."

"Lee, look at me. Look at me and answer my question." The words were stern.

Forcing himself to face Harry's expression and his control, Lee knew he had lost. "Yes, sir. I agree to obey your orders. All of them."

"Good. Now that we both understand who's in command here, I want to tell you about my conversation with Mr. Morton."

"Is he the one who suggested no sex on board, sir?" {Seeing but not touching you every day will drive me stark raving mad.}

"No, Mr. Morton did not make any reference to our sexual habits. He's more interested in our long-term commitment, in our establishing a working relationship that won't disrupt life on the *Seaview*."

"Are we back to marriage now, sir?"

"For lack of a better word, yes. A commitment we can define by our own needs and requirements, a relationship that'll allow each of us to know what we want and expect from the other. Mr. Morton, ah, Chip, seems to believe this is very important."

"Yes, sir, I know. He told me, but I didn't know he'd discussed it with you."

"Lectured would be a better word." A tiny smile played around Harry's mouth.

Relaxing a little from the strong rebuke, Lee answered, "I understand, sir."

"He thinks we might have another problem as well."

"What's that?"

"Doctor Wilson."

"Now what?" Lee rubbed his hand over his face.

"Since Chip knows Doctor Wilson was once interested in you and you turned him down, he thinks the man's in a position to hurt you or us. Chip is sure Wilson saw us holding hands in the observation nose and that he noticed the signs between you and me the same way Chip did."

"Maybe I should've left him on the ice with his damn bomb." Lee played with his spoon, turning it over in his hands, anger building inside him.

"But you didn't, and I didn't, and Wilson owes you his life. In a nutshell, Mr. Morton also recommends that you be made the permanent Captain of *Seaview* because you're the best qualified officer, that you and I decide on a commitment and vows, and that we have a private ceremony in the observation nose to exchange those vows. He suggested that he and Doctor Wilson be present as witnesses."

"I'm supposed to tell you that I love you and promise to stay with you for the rest of my life in front of that son of a bitch?"

"That was my first reaction, until Mr. Morton explained his thinking. We know by Wilson's interest in you that his sexual proclivities are as dangerous to him as ours are to us. If he knows we're serious about each other, and we know what his activities are, then we force each other to be silent."

"Doesn't that put Chip at risk?"

"Mr. Morton told me he'd take that risk."

"To protect us?"

"Yes, and whatever other reasons he has for being involved here. Lee, these aren't decisions we have to make right now. We ran *Seaview* very hard to reach the Arctic to make the deadline. I intend to take it easy going home, somewhere between two and three weeks. If that's a problem for you or Fred Wilson, I can let you off at Pearl."

"Admiral, I don't want off the *Seaview*. But Doctor Wilson's another problem. I need to think about it."

There was a knock on the door, then a voice. "Admiral, I have fresh coffee, or I can take your dishes, if you're through."

Harry walked to the door. "I think fresh coffee would be nice." He quietly unlocked the door and opened it. "Leave the pot, lad, and take the table. The Captain and I still have a great deal of work to do."

"Yes, sir," replied the steward. He made fast work of the cleanup, left hot coffee on the credenza, and departed.

The Admiral quietly relocked the door. He turned around, his back against the door, a wicked smile on his lips. "Captain Crane, I'm going to give you an order and I expect you to obey it without question or comment. Is that perfectly clear?"

Lee rose from his chair, confused again. "Yes, sir."

"Remove your uniform and everything under it."

"But, sir...." Lee stuttered.

"Do not question my orders, Captain. And proceed very slowly."

Lee shook his head. This is about control. Harry wants it all his way. Okay, fine, two can play this game. He removed his tie and folded it over the chair. Then he slowly freed each button, never taking his eyes off Harry. Running his tongue over his lips, Lee made certain he had the Admiral's complete attention. After he took his shirt off, he folded it, placed it on the chair, and turned his back to Harry before unzipping his pants. He stepped out of his shoes, then his pants, carefully concealing his erection. He could feel Harry's eyes and knew he was driving the man wild.

Standing in stocking feet, clothed in briefs and undershirt, Lee stretched, raising his hands over his head, taunting the Admiral with his body. His reward was the sound of a quick intake of breath, followed by ragged breathing.

Pulling his undershirt over his head, Lee stretched even more, displaying his tight, well-defined muscles. He then placed the undershirt on top of his folded uniform. "Socks, too, sir?"

"Yes, Captain. Everything."

Lee thrilled at the passion in the Admiral's voice. "You're the boss." He added his socks to the pile.

"I do hope you remember that, Captain." Nelson was still issuing military orders. "I ordered you to undress. Finish it now!"

Lee slipped out of his briefs, and dropped them on the chair. "By your command." {I'll get you for this.}

Harry walked from the door to inspect Lee, stopping to stroke his butt, before facing him. "Very nice, Captain." He drew his hand around the hip and across the groin, taking time to collect droplets from the tip of Lee's cock and then lick them from his finger.

"Yes, sir." Lee gulped.

"Unbutton my shirt, Commander. No ripping! Just carefully and slowly, unbutton my shirt."

Lee's heart was beating so fast he could barely breathe, and his body was so excited he thought he would die. He knew this was a game and yet he was afraid to disobey the Admiral and risk banishment from his world. "Yes, sir," he croaked through dry lips.

After he managed to get the shirt unbuttoned and pulled free from the Admiral's pants, the Admiral held each cuff out to be unbuttoned. The damn two button cuffs. Slipping the shirt off and folding it carefully, Lee draped it over the other chair.

"Now the pants, Captain," the Admiral ordered as he stepped out of his shoes.

His hands trembling, Lee unbuckled the belt and unzipped the pants. Harry's desire was apparent. As Lee removed the Admiral's pants, he pulled the briefs down at the same time. Harry stepped out of his clothes.

"Fold them, carefully, Captain."

When Lee had done so, he discovered that Harry had removed the rest of his clothing and was walking to the bed. Waiting made Lee's breath catch in his throat. He had never wanted Harry so desperately, not ever. He watched as Harry stretched his arms over his head.

Lee thought he would explode. "Harry?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"You're driving me crazy."

Harry smiled. "I know." He held the look for a moment. "Would you like to come over here?"

"Yes, sir." {Before my knees buckle and I fall on my face.}

Harry dropped a pillow to the floor and knelt on it. "Right here, Captain, stand right here where I can reach you." He ordered Lee into a position where he was standing with his basket in the Admiral's face. Harry kissed the wet head of Lee's cock and Lee almost collapsed.

When Harry ran his hand under Lee's balls, massaging gently, Lee bent forward, leaning on Harry's shoulders. "Please, Harry, don't tease me anymore."

Harry laughed, "I'll do anything I want, Captain." He opened his mouth, pushed his slick finger into Lee's body, and accepted Lee's cock down his throat. Lee groaned, sagging against the Admiral, his existence centered between the Admiral's mouth and the Admiral's finger. Every nerve in his body screamed for relief but he was held at the edge for what seemed to be forever. When he finally filled Harry's mouth with cream, Lee collapsed to the floor, hugging the pillow that Nelson had used as a knee rest.

Before he could catch his breath, Harry ran his finger over his own lips and offered the finger to Lee. Then he ordered, "On the bed, Captain, on the towel. Now!"

Pulling himself up and releasing Harry's finger, Lee rolled onto the bed face down.

"Oh no, you don't. Turn over. You know I like to watch your beautiful face when I make love to you."

Lee turned over and watched as Harry stroked oil on himself. It was a magnificent sight as the Admiral's manhood stood at attention in its nest of red gold curls. "You horny bastard. Sir!"

"You have a problem with that, Captain?"

"No. Sir!"

"Then look at me. Watch me." Harry knelt between Lee's legs, lifting his hips and positioning himself at the entrance to Lee's body. Lee wrapped his legs around Harry and pulled the Admiral closer. Harry slammed into Lee's body with the extra force that Lee provided. Lee groaned in ecstasy as Harry pumped harder and harder with each stroke. Lee massaged and pinched Harry's nipples, watching each action manifest itself in Harry's movements. By the time Harry exploded, he had left bruises where he had gripped Lee's shoulders.

When Harry collapsed onto Lee's chest, Lee kissed his lover lightly. "Permission to speak freely, sir."

"Speak, speak, just don't move," Nelson gasped.

"Does this mean the no-sex rule was part of a control game, or what?"

"It means, Captain Crane, that this is my boat and I make the rules." The Admiral was still trying to catch his breath.

"Yes, sir, and I really like some of those rules, you dirty old man."

"Are you making reference to my age, laddie?"

"After a performance like that? Are you kidding? I won't be able to sit down tomorrow. Jesus, Harry, what the hell got into you?"

"I'm exploring all my options before I make a final decision. Lee, this is so important, I don't want to make any mistakes. What we have is too special."

Bringing Harry's mouth down, Lee kissed his lover until they were both gasping for air. "Admiral, sir, I love you. Nothing and no one in my life has ever made me feel like this. I never want to be away from you. Please marry me."

Nelson rolled onto his left side, cuddled against Crane, and ran his fingertip down Lee's face. "Lee, look at me. Mr. Morton, uh, Chip'd tell us not to make decisions at a time like this. That we're thinking with our dicks and not our heads."

"He'd be wrong, Harry, this is the only time to make a decision like this. Being totally and completely controlled by you was an awesome experience, but it also reminds me that my life would be very empty without you, not that I need any reminding on that score. Please Harry, let me stay."

"I needed to know if I could let you go, either back to the Navy or back out into danger. Either way I lose you. If I send you away from me, I'm afraid you won't come back. If you're reckless with your life, you won't come back. So maybe some vows'd help, if you'll promise to be careful, if you'll promise to look before you leap, and if you'll promise to make decisions based on logical thought rather than reckless macho adrenaline-junkie action."

Lee felt Harry tremble, but couldn't resist one last jab. "Okay, but I'll make no promises about button ripping."

Harry laughed softly and laid his head on Lee's chest. "No vows about button ripping or button sewing. We'll let that be our private little rule. Fair?"

"Fair. Does this mean you're going to marry me?" {Please say yes.}

"I think so, if we can agree on what we both want. And Fred Wilson."

Lee sighed. "I definitely don't want to discuss Fred Wilson while I'm lying next to you like this. But I do want to think about what we promise each other. I don't think I want to stand in front of Chip and have you promise to fuck me into next week every time I get too cocky for my uniform, but I do like your methods."

"I rather enjoyed it myself, Captain Cocky. I wish you could've watched yourself from my point of view. You were magnificent."

"Won't work next time."

"Don't bet on it. I'm still your commanding officer and I have years of experience to draw from."

"Yes, sir, I know, sir, and you pull rank on me all the time, but I'm a very imaginative kind of guy." His mind ran through several erotic images of Harry before he returned to present reality. "Harry, if we make promises to each other, I insist that you promise never to transfer me off your boat."

"I think if we exchange vows, you have to stay."

Lee closed his eyes, content and relaxed. "I don't suppose you'd let me spend the night."

"Don't push it. We'll save spending the nights together for shore leaves."

"Okay, but what about living arrangements? I have a place in Arlington and you live in Santa Barbara. I guess I'll have to move, huh?"

"When I process your orders, I'll request that the Navy pack and move your belongings, including that cute little red sports car. There are officers' quarters at the Institute, or you can live anywhere you'd like. The California coast's beautiful and we can explore it all."

"And if I'd like to live with you?"

"And advertise our relationship to the whole world? Not a chance."

"But Admiral, would it be so unusual for us to room together since we both spend most of our time on *Seaview*? I mean, I'm hardly ever in my place in Arlington, it's someplace where I store my stuff."

"Hmmmm... when I designed the Institute, I did have plans for a penthouse apartment on top of the administration building, but I never built it because I never had time to be there and it didn't seem important. Now that I have someone to share my life with, perhaps it's time to build it. I still have the architect's original plans and we could adapt them to make it large and comfortable enough for both of us. It could have separate sleeping quarters on each end with living space in the middle."

"Harry, my love, I don't want separate sleeping quarters." He ran his hands over the Admiral's lower body.

"I know you don't, but we need them for show." He pulled Lee's fingers into his mouth. "Lee, I've lived alone all of my adult life, I don't know if I can live with anyone. I work all the time. I hardly ever entertain. This isn't going to be like all our other times, fucking our brains out in some anonymous hotel. This is real, sharing our living space and hopefully not driving each other crazy. There'll be times when one or both of us will want privacy."

"Are you trying to talk your way out of this? Because if you are, you can forget it," Lee said as he hugged Harry close.

"No, no, but the complexity of the commitment is more than I'd thought about. And more than I want to think about right now. Perhaps this'd be a good time for a shower. I promised Mr., ah, Chip that we'd meet him in the observation nose after dinner, and it's well after dinner."

"If we shower together, we could be even later." Lee teased a nipple with one finger. "And think of all the water we'd save."

"I know. So you shower first, while I have a much needed cigarette." He dropped a kiss on Lee's mouth, then rolled over him to get off the bed. Sitting behind his desk, naked, Nelson lit a cigarette. "Now, Captain Crane."

"Yes, sir." Reluctantly Lee crawled off the bed, taking all the evidence of the evening with him. "I love you."

After Lee was dressed, Harry was still sitting at his desk and said, "Check the control room and meet Chip. I'll be there shortly."

Straightening his tie, Lee looked at the Admiral. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a lot to think about. Now go."

Lee placed a kiss on Harry's mouth. "Don't be long."

Crushing a half-smoked cigarette, Harry stood. "I won't be."

Lee paused a moment before leaving the room to enjoy the view as his precious much-too-serious Admiral padded naked across the room and into the head.
* * * * *

Sun 08 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview* in the Pacific

In the control room, all was routine. Lee checked course and speed with Chip, then they walked forward to watch the marine life through the panoramic window. At a depth of ninety feet, it was rather dark but fish were visible. With the outside lights on, it was a huge aquarium.

"Make any decisions yet, Skipper?" asked Chip when they were out of earshot of the control-room crew.

"We're going to try to agree on vows. The Admiral has decided that he wants me to stay. The rest is still up for debate. Are you sure about this Fred Wilson thing?"

"I've watched him around you since he came aboard *Seaview*, and I think he still wants you. Maybe because you rejected him, I also think he may want to hurt you. But he does respect the Admiral and you did save his life. If Doctor Wilson knows that you and the Admiral are a serious item, maybe he'll leave you both alone and keep his mouth shut. It gives him an acceptable reason for your turning him down, and it should stop the enmity he obviously has towards you."

"This is more difficult than I thought. I don't know if I can stand there in front of you, much less Fred Wilson." {Why does loving Harry have to be so complicated?}

"Lee, you don't have to stand in front of anyone except Admiral Nelson."

"I know. But it does seem more official if we make the promises before someone else, as if saying them to a third party makes them have more meaning."

"That may be one reason for weddings. Believe me, I understand what a big step this is. I even understand the raging emotions that are driving both of you nuts. Have you considered that Admiral Nelson could be terrified by what he's feeling?"

"He did admit to being afraid, but I thought his reasons were unfounded." Lee remembered the Admiral's trembling body.

"Think about it for a minute, Lee. Here's a man who's devoted his whole life to military discipline as well as the strictness of scientific investigation. He's spent years devoted to study, research, and a life of service to his country. A country, by the way, that would condemn him to hell because of his feelings for you. I always thought *Seaview* was his mistress. Then you came aboard and suddenly the center of his world shifted, maybe faster than he expected."

"But he's always made me feel like I was the center of his world, Chip, he's gentle and romantic and passionate. He makes the sun rise every morning."

"Up until now you were always alone with him, away from his regular duties and responsibilities. Here, in the midst of a world crisis, you've forced his emotions, and probably his hormones, to the surface. How is he supposed to deal with what could be the end of our country and his love for you at the same time? Being in love can turn anyone's world upside down."

Lee stared out the window and watched one fish chase another. "Everything's happened so fast, I guess I haven't thought this all the way through."

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Chip's face was very red.

"I think at this point, you can ask me anything."

"Ah," Chip stammered, "can you tell me if you, ah, with men other than the Admiral, ah, or if he..."?

Smiling, Lee turned to face his friend. "A dozen smart-ass answers come to mind, but you deserve the truth. The Admiral and I tease each other about our first time. I always claim to be the virgin seduced by the experienced older man and he always claims that I used my youth and beauty -- his words -- to seduce him. The truth is we both had male encounters before that night, and I'll confess to you that we've had others since. I'm afraid the details would shock and embarrass you. But the only one in my heart is the Admiral and I'm willing to vow my fidelity to him even if he isn't prepared to promise me the same. I try to understand his needs and I'm willing to satisfy those needs, but I'd be content with only the Admiral for the rest of my life."

"I didn't mean to pry, but understanding you may help me better comprehend what motivated my brother. Something inside me needs to understand why a man would choose to have a sexual relationship with another man. I can't begin to imagine how you...." Chip's voice trailed off.

"I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I'll try to be open and honest when you have questions. But for all my bravado, I'm not sure I can reveal specific details of my life with the Admiral. I can tell you that no one has ever made me feel the way he does. And I'll admit that tomorrow I'm going to be reminded, every time I move, that the Admiral loves me. It's a physical thing men don't usually experience, but I imagine Carolyn would understand. It's like a lot of things about love, the line between pain and pleasure is very indistinct."

"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying."

"He stretched some muscles. Nevermind, it doesn't matter. I'm happy, Chip, really happy when I'm with him."

"And you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"Yes. I want to be here with him and I want to be with him on shore, but when I suggested living together, he panicked."

Chip placed his hand on Crane's shoulder. "Lee, don't push so hard. Give the Admiral time to adjust to one thing at a time. I think he's having a tough time trying to find a place in his world for you."

"It seemed to be a logical next step. After all, I live in Virginia and he lives in California."

He heard a murmur behind him, and turned to watch the Admiral make his way through the control room. He could see respect and fondness emanating from the men as the Admiral stopped at each station. He wondered if that respect would be lost if those men knew about the Admiral's secret life. {Please, God, don't ever let me be responsible for that happening.}

As he neared the nose, Nelson offered a cheery, "Good evening, Gentlemen. Nice night out?"

"Yes, sir," answered Chip, but Lee was silent.

"Captain, is there a problem?" Nelson asked quietly.

"No, sir, I was thinking about how those men would feel if they knew about us. What would it do to the magic that seems to surround you?"

Chip exchanged a look with Nelson. "I think he's beginning to get the picture, sir. Skipper, that's the most insightful thing I've heard you say in days, and between us we're going to make sure that not one of them finds out. I'll very respectfully kick your butt if you step out of line."

"I second that suggestion, Mr. Morton. Sometimes our Captain gets a little cocky and needs a reminder of who's in charge around here." Nelson turned to look at the fish.

"Yes, sir, I do know that about him."

Lee knew they were teasing him, but he also knew they were right. He was cocky, and he'd probably stay cocky, but he would do nothing to hurt the Admiral. Not a thing. "Sir," he whispered, "I can't stop being me, but I can learn to play by your rules -- well, most of them anyway."

That drew a small smile from the Admiral.

"So," asked Chip, "have we reached any decisions, gentlemen?"

After a moment, Lee answered, "I guess we need to write the vows."

"Good," Chip responded. "How about if you each write what you expect to give and get from the other? Then we can review them. Don't expect to do this quickly. Most couples take months to do what you're doing in days. This is the rest of your lives you're talking about. You know, *In sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do you part.* Plan carefully, gentlemen."

"And Doctor Wilson?" asked Lee.

"I think you and the Admiral better decide soon or stay away from each other until the good doctor leaves *Seaview*. He knows something isn't kosher, Lee, and you better think long and hard about how to handle him. You, too, Admiral." Chip's tone was serious.

"You're right, Mr. Morton. I'll invite him to breakfast and see how much I can learn from him. Then, Lee, we can decide what to do."

"Yes, sir. I think I'll turn in. I have a few things to think about." Lee turned to Chip. "Your job as my best man is certainly more difficult than mine was as your best man."

"It's okay, Lee, that's what friends are for."

"Good night, Chip, Admiral." He walked slowly up the stairs, for once not even thinking about how the sight might affect Harry.
* * * * *

Mon 09 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Mornings were Lee's favorite time of the day. He loved the sunrise, loved to share it with Harry by his side or to watch those first rays tickle Harry's sleeping body with pink fingers of light. This morning, when every move reminded him of Harry's recent presence in his body, he wanted to feel the sun's warmth.

"Ready to take her up, Skipper?" Chip Morton's voice came from the aft section of the control room.

"Yes, Mr. Morton. Take her up." He stared in the direction of the observation nose, where he knew the Admiral was having breakfast with Fred Wilson. "Nice and slow, Commander."

"Aye, sir," replied Morton as he picked up the microphone. "Prepare to surface."

"Prepare to surface, aye," came a voice over the loudspeaker.

"Blow ballast, make your depth sixty five," ordered Morton.

"Blowing ballast, aye, sir. Make my depth six five feet." Again the voice from the loudspeaker.

As the ship moved upward, Morton walked to where Lee was standing at the plot board. "Going out today, Skipper?"

"Don't I always?" Lee smiled. "Some days, I need to feel the sun."

"Rough night, sir?"

"Getting better, Chip, getting better. But today I wish I could go for a long run in the Virginia woods." He arched his back, trying to relax. "Care to join me topside?"

"Yes, sir. Bright Pacific sky and ocean are always a welcome sight. May I offer the crew time in the sun?"

"Good idea, Chip. We haven't seen any signs of trouble since the bomb was detonated. But keep your eyes and ears open."

"Aye, sir."

"Holding at sixty five feet, Skipper," responded another voice from the intercom.

Lee raised the periscope and made a slow circle to survey the ocean surface. "It's a beautiful day, Mr. Morton. Not a cloud in the sky. Nothing in sight except a couple of humpback whales." Lee smiled and retracted the periscope before he ordered, "Surface."

"Surface, aye, sir."

The ship moved upward. Before the water cleared the decks, Lee and Chip were standing in the conning tower, surveying the surrounding ocean.

"Skipper, what's so special about sunrise?"

"The way the light brings out all the gold in the Admiral's hair." Lee closed his eyes. "When he's sleeping, he looks like an angel."

Morton chuckled.

"What?"

"Carolyn says the same thing about me."

Lee turned to look at Chip, who was standing with his back to the sun. The light made his blond hair a bright halo around his head. "I'll bet she does." It was an incredible sight.

"Sir?" Chip was clearly startled.

"Chip, just because I'm in love with Admiral Nelson doesn't mean I can't appreciate a thing -- or person -- of beauty. Blonds have always been especially blessed by the sunrise and if Carolyn could see you right now, she wouldn't let you out of bed for a week."

"Yes, sir," Chip mumbled, clearly uncomfortable.

Kowalski climbed the ladder and called, "Skipper, Admiral wants you in the observation nose."

"Thank you, Kowalski, come on up and enjoy the sunrise." Lee turned to Chip and whispered, "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"It's okay, Skipper," Chip answered in the same low tone, as Lee headed back inside *Seaview*, making his way forward.

"Come in, Captain," the Admiral said as Lee went to stand by the center window. "Been out this morning?"

"Yes, sir. I've made arrangements for the crew to go out as well." Without turning around to face Wilson, he said, "Good morning, Doctor Wilson. I didn't mean to interrupt." Nelson continued.

"I did call for you, Captain. Anyway, Fred and I were discussing Jack Kennedy and how I wouldn't have *Seaview* or the Institute if the President hadn't believed in me."

"I know how much you admired him, sir." {Will any of us survive the death of JFK?}

Nelson shrugged. "Will you sit down and join us for coffee?"

"I'd rather stand, sir." His body tingled with the after-effects of Harry's presence.

"I know you would," Nelson said in a very knowing tone, "but I want you to sit next to me. Now, please!"

Lee turned from the window and faced the Admiral. "Yes, sir."

Determined to keep the pleasure-pain of the Admiral's passion his secret, Lee sat as gingerly as he could.

"You're not still sore from that squid attack, are you, Crane, ah, Captain?"

"No, Doctor Wilson. I'm a little stiff from too many days underwater. I need to run about five miles through a quiet countryside. Maybe I'll run laps around the deck while we're topside." {Jesus, what'd he see? What gave me away?}

"Fred," said Admiral Nelson, "I shouldn't have to remind you that Captain Crane saved your life, at great risk to himself."

"And, Admiral, you put this ship and crew at great risk when you stayed over the deadline to wait for us," Wilson retorted.

"The departure of *Seaview* was delayed by the return of the same plane that attacked you at the bomb site. I assumed that the plane's mission was to destroy *Seaview*. This is my ship, my company, and my responsibility. I'll defend my ship and my crew, but I won't defend my actions to you. Is that clear, Doctor Wilson?" There was a strong undercurrent of anger in the Admiral's voice.

"Yes, sir, Admiral, sir," mocked Wilson.

"Fred, you're alive and the world's safe because of the actions of *Seaview*'s crew. Even if you don't understand the teamwork that made it possible, I expect you to respect the results."

Wilson took a sip of coffee. "You're absolutely right, Harry. I'm grateful to Captain Crane, and to your crew. But why are you so testy this morning?" He stared at Crane, than moved his eyes back to Nelson.

"I'm *testy* -- to use your word -- this morning, because after resolving a serious world crisis, I find I have to resolve a serious personnel problem. One that involves you and a member of my crew. I'm also more than a little tired of corralling arrogant adrenaline-junkie risk takers."

Lee sat very still.

"So the crew member is Crane," stated Wilson in his cocky self-assured manner.

Before answering, the Admiral poured coffee for Lee, then resettled on the bench so that his left leg pressed against Lee's right leg. "Fred, you've been rude to Lee since you first arrived on *Seaview*. You made negative remarks about his service abilities when we were first told of Lee's assignment here. Since I've known the Captain for quite some time, and know him to be a valuable officer and a gentleman, I wanted to know what happened to create the hostility you've shown." The Admiral paused to light a cigarette. Lee held his breath. Wilson offered nothing. "So I did some checking. And I don't like what I found." Nelson took a drag from his cigarette, then exhaled. "Fred," the Admiral stared at Wilson, "Lee's mine!" Nelson held Wilson's eyes, until the doctor looked away. "Is that clear?"

"Admiral," whispered Lee, wondering what in the hell was going on. He wished he had been here for the whole conversation.

"Quiet, Lee, and that's an order. This is between Doctor Wilson and me." The Admiral's commanding tone was one Lee knew well.

"Yes, sir." Lee reached for a glass of water because his throat was dry as dust and his heart was pounding.

"Fred?"

Wilson turned back to face the Admiral. "Am I to understand that you and Crane are a...?"

"We're a couple, Fred. We were a couple when you made sexual advances to him and we were a couple when you tried to damage his career," Harry lied.

"What?" Lee jumped in his seat. He was so surprised at the remark that he didn't even think about hiding the expression of pain on his face, when his body reminded him of last night's activities. "Admiral?"

Meeting Lee's eyes and pressing his leg closer to Lee's, the Admiral continued in his cool authoritative manner. "You don't think I'd let anyone hurt you, do you? But what I didn't know was why. You should have told me."

"Admiral, I don't understand." Lee was still confused and was tired of not knowing what was going on.

"I've done some investigating and I've discovered that Doctor Wilson likes attractive young military officers, and if they refuse his attentions, he takes it out on their careers." The Admiral returned his full attention to the doctor. "Would you care to defend yourself, Fred?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." But Wilson's demeanor had slipped and Lee knew there was truth in Harry's statement.

"Fine," continued the Admiral, "I expected you to take the Fifth. Now you know that I know and you'll have to decide if I can prove it, if need be. In the meantime, I expect your attitude towards my crew in general, and Captain Crane in particular, to improve. I expect you to stop trying to harm young men who refuse to sleep with you. And I expect you to keep your hands off my Captain! Is that clear, Doctor Wilson?"

"I didn't know jealousy was one of your traits, Harry," Wilson retorted, cool and calculating.

"It's not jealousy, Fred, it's possession. He's mine and I protect what's mine."

"Permission to speak, Admiral." This was getting out of hand and Lee was not some piece of the Admiral's property. He moved slightly and was reminded of how much control the Admiral could exert.

"No, Lee, this is between Fred and me."

"But, Admiral..."

Harry glared at Lee with eyes that were blocks of blue ice. This was a side of the Admiral Lee had never seen. "That's an order, Captain." Nelson focused his attention on Wilson. "Fred?"

"Admiral, may I ask the Captain a question?"

"Very well, but if I don't like the question, it doesn't get answered."

Wilson looked from Nelson to Crane. "Captain, are you involved in a homosexual relationship with Admiral Nelson and are you aware that I could use this information to ruin you both?"

"Captain, you will not answer that question. Fred, I'll not warn you again."

Lee could feel the anger building between these two men. "Stop!" Lee banged his fist on the table hard enough to spill coffee. "You two are acting like raging bulls butting their heads together. Begging your pardon, Admiral, but please take a deep breath and shut up. Sir." He could feel Harry's power and passion in the contact between their legs. "Doctor Wilson, when you approached me, when I told you to go to hell, I was so much in love with the Admiral that I couldn't even think about another partner. I love Harry, and quite frankly, sir, I don't give a damn who knows."

"Lee!" gasped Nelson.

"Look, both of you, we're grown men. We know the rules and the consequences. Doctor, if what the Admiral says is true about your actions, you should walk the plank. On the other hand, I'm willing to declare a truce because my plans include serving the Admiral, and I wish to do that for a long time." Lee gripped the Admiral's left hand with his right.

"I'm listening, Captain," replied Wilson, uncommitted and unreadable.

"The Admiral and I have decided to formalize our relationship. We intend to exchange vows before we reach the California coast. In an effort to make you understand that my rejection of you was based entirely on my feelings for the Admiral, and because I hope you'll respect those feelings, I'd like to invite you to be present when we exchange our vows."

"You're inviting me to your wedding, Crane, uh Captain?!" Wilson was clearly surprised and made no attempt to hide it.

"I am," replied Crane as he squeezed Nelson's hand.

"Harry?" questioned Wilson.

"Fred, I admire your brilliant mind and the contributions you've made on behalf of the country we all serve. I hope you can return that respect and that you, in turn, will respect the relationship between the Captain and me. If that hope's correct, then I'd be honored to have you stand witness at our, uh, wedding."

"I don't know what to say." And clearly he did not.

Before Lee could speak, the Admiral said, "We all know the dangers of the lifestyle we've chosen -- or that has chosen us -- and I think that fact should bind us together, not tear us apart."

"Jesus, Harry, you're always full of surprises, but I never suspected this. I hope he's worth it."

"Fred, one more comment like that and you'll be shark bait." His voice was ice-cold and lower than normal conversation tone, indicating that the Admiral was very angry.

"Truce, gentlemen, truce," Lee declared.

"Harry, old habits are hard to break, but I'll try. And I'd be honored to witness your wedding. When and where?" Wilson leaned forward, his uninjured elbow on the table.

"The where is right here in the nose of the *Seaview*, and the when is sometime before we get home," Lee offered.

Wilson rose. "I think this is my exit line. You'll forgive me for not shaking hands." Wilson motioned with his broken right arm. "Congratulations, Harry."

Lee also stood as Wilson left the room. When the Doctor had gone, Lee slumped down in the chair and groaned. With an evil leer, Nelson asked, "What's the problem, Captain?"

"You bastard, you knew that I wouldn't be able to sit down today without remembering every detail of last night, and then you subject me to some mind game with Wilson, which you almost lost."

"I was fine until you disobeyed my order to keep your mouth shut."

"Admiral, I don't belong to you like some concubine."

"Sure, Lee, and I don't belong to you either."

Lee laughed at the twinkle in Harry's eyes. "Okay, so we belong to each other. But did you have to say all those things to Fred Wilson?"

"I've known Fred for a long time and I've learned some things about him I don't like. And I don't like the way he came on to you. It makes my blood boil to think about it. But I was in control of this confrontation."

"Sure you were." Lee touched Harry's cheek. "I've never seen you so angry. What'd he do?"

"He tried to put some black marks in your personnel file as well as in the files of several other young officers. I have a lot of friends in Washington and in the Navy. Jack Kennedy and I were close, so I had contacts in his administration. Most of those people are still there, by the way. We knew Fred Wilson was part of the problem, but couldn't figure out how. Then you told me, and that's why I'm angry. How could one man destroy another's career over sex? I wish you'd said something sooner, then maybe I could've saved those other men some grief."

Lee shrugged. "I didn't think it was important. We had a run-in and I thought that was that. Is it really as serious as you think?"

"I can control it now that I know what to watch for. Fred Wilson is a brilliant, gifted man and our country needs him, but I'll be looking over his shoulder," Nelson winked, "with a little help from our friend, Chip Morton."

"Oh? What help?"

"I've discovered our XO is a devious, sneaky investigator with sources even I don't have. I do have proof against Doctor Wilson, and I have that proof thanks to Mr. Morton. Apparently, when you told him about Wilson, Chip got so angry he decided to see what he could learn on his own."

Lee stretched his body and winced when his muscles protested. "Admiral, I really need to run. I need to clear my head. With your permission, I'd like to hold the sub in this position for a while, as long as we don't spot any trouble."

"Why don't you use the gym?"

"Why? So you can watch?" Lee felt warm knowing that Harry liked to watch him exercise, and often did.

"Yes."

"We have nice, warm, Pacific sunshine and I don't want to waste it. I'll wear my shortest, tightest running shorts and you can watch from the conning tower."

Laughing, the Admiral said, "Permission granted." Lee reached for the microphone. "Now hear this. This is the Captain. The boat's going to hold position here. I'm going topside to run laps. Anyone not on duty is welcome to join me." He returned the microphone and smiled as he stroked Harry's cheek. "This way you can watch my cute ass and everyone but me will think you're just interested in the health and welfare of your crew."

* * * * *

Wed 11 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Two days later, Lee sat at his desk in his quarters staring at a blank sheet of paper. Chip had said writing these vows might be difficult, but Lee had not realized how difficult. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many emotions he wanted to express, and so much love bursting in his heart that he wanted to publicly acknowledge, but when he tried to write any of it down, to reduce it to mere words, it seemed so inadequate. So far he had not written a single sentence he thought worth saving.

He stood up, stepped into the head, and splashed cold water on his face. {This is ridiculous. I love Harry. Why can't I write a coherent sentence about how I really feel?}

He sat back down at his desk and put his head back, closing his eyes, consciously tried to relax his muscles. His mind began to drift, remembering times with the Admiral, and the feelings he had had during the ten years they had been lovers. Vivid images flowed like a reel of film -- the first time Harry had made love to him, the first time he had made love to Harry, their first Christmas....

Tue, 24 Dec 57
Washington, D. C.

At the table in his small apartment, Lee pushed his books aside, then stood and stretched. On top of the pile of papers was the flow chart for the program he was writing. He had hit another dead end. He walked to a window and watched the snow fall. The multi-colored twinkling lights of the Christmas season turned the scene into a fantasy land. As he watched the children playing, the familiar blackness crept into his mind. He hated Christmas, he hated the snow, and he hated the dark days in Washington, but mostly he hated the sight of happy children with their parents.

Turning away from the view, Lee wished he was safely under the sea in a submarine where these crazy feelings had no place. In his tiny kitchen he started a pot of fresh coffee. While he waited, he fondled the bottle of Glenlevit standing on the cabinet. He planned to drink the contents tonight, but he had promised Harry not to open the bottle until later, after they talked by telephone. They had talked almost every night for the last week and Harry had promised to phone tonight so they could open the presents they had sent each other. Lee put the bottle down and poured himself coffee. It was going to take all his discipline to keep his promise to Harry.

Back at the table, he stared at his flow chart. He had qualified for a position at the Naval War College for post graduate study. Computers were going to be part of his future on nuclear submarines, so he needed to learn as much as he could as quickly as possible. When he had originally applied for the program, Harry had been teaching at Annapolis. That would have allowed them to see each other regularly, but shortly after Lee had moved into this apartment, Harry had moved to California all excited about a new project, which he would not discuss with Lee.

Harry's absence compounded Lee's loneliness until he felt like a fist clutched his heart and threatened to squeeze the life from him. Over the last several months they had seen each other for brief evenings when Harry was in town to meet with Navy personnel, but Harry had said what he was doing was classified, need to know.

Lee doodled on his notes, saddened by the fact that Harry had decided Lee had no need to know. A big chunk of Harry's life was filed under a red label that screamed *Keep Out*.

Forcing his feelings aside, Lee sipped his coffee and tried to concentrate on coding his program. If he finished tonight, he could do the keypunching himself and run a test tomorrow. There would not be anyone wanting to use the computer on Christmas because everyone took the holiday off, everyone but him.

Logical thought deserted him, and his mind was filled with memories of his lover, his beautiful redheaded lover, the center of his universe. Throwing his pencil across the room, he stood and stared at the bottle of scotch in the kitchen. Nothing could make the pain or the loneliness go away, but the alcohol would block his thinking processes for a while.

I'm sorry, Harry, but I can't keep my promise. Lee opened the bottle and poured a generous amount into a glass.

Staring out the window in his living room, Lee noted how dark it was, even though it was only five thirty. He sipped the smooth liquor and knew he would not write any more lines of code tonight.

From somewhere in the distance he could hear bells and the music of carolers. He closed the drapes to block the sight, then slumped down on the sofa, staring at the telephone and pleading with it to ring. His gray thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. He was not expecting anyone and he did not want to face a happy stranger loaded with presents knocking on the wrong door, so he ignored the repeated knocks.

"Lee, open the door." Harry's loud voice penetrated Lee's gloom.

"Admiral?" Lee opened the door to find Nelson holding a scrawny green tree in one hand and a large paper bag in the other. Beside him was another person holding so many boxes that his face was hidden.

"Are you going to give me a hand or just stand there?"

Lee shook his head and reached for the sack in Harry's hand. "What're you doing here?" He set the glass down, forgotten.

"See?" Harry said to the man with the packages who was dressed like a cab driver, "I told you he wouldn't have a tree." Harry brought more stuff in from the hallway, then pulled his wallet from his pocket. After handing several bills to the man, he said, "Merry Christmas, my good man, and please drive carefully."

The driver eyed the bills and smiled. "Thank you, sir, and Merry Christmas to you, too." He closed the door as he left.

"Merry Christmas, laddie." Harry leaned the tree against the wall and dropped his coat on the sofa. "Are you going to kiss me or do I have to find the mistletoe?"

"Harry," Lee started, but his lover covered his mouth and there was nothing more to say.

This was real, Harry was real, and suddenly there was sunlight shining through the gloom in his world.

"You taste like the good scotch, which means you broke your promise to me." Harry stroked Lee's face.

"I didn't mean to break the promise, but I'm just not strong enough," Lee confessed.

"Well, why don't you pour us both a drink and tell me about it. It's much colder here than in Santa Barbara and I need to get warm."

Handing Harry a glass, Lee retrieved his own and sat down on the sofa. "I can't believe you're here. Aren't you afraid someone might see us or know you're here?"

Sitting down next to Lee, Harry took one of Lee's hands and kissed the fingers. "I didn't think I had the courage to do this either, but my sister made me."

"Edith made you?"

"I'm building a new submarine at Groton and I'm building a new facility in Santa Barbara and I'm going to be living out there. Well, my sister decided she'd spent too many winters in Boston and wanted a change, so she made the necessary preparations, took a teaching position in Santa Barbara and moved to California six months ago. I've been staying with her and had planned to spend Christmas there, but I was miserable because I knew you were here alone. I knew you'd have a tough time handling Christmas, like you always do, and I was worried." He sipped his scotch. "I guess I was a bear. Anyway, two days ago Edith got me roaring drunk and made me talk."

"You told her about us?" Lee could feel Harry trembling, so he set both their glasses on the coffee table and turned to face Harry, taking his hands. "What'd you tell her?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't been that drunk in a long time. But she kept pushing, wanting to know what was wrong with me, why I was calling you every day, why I was so miserable."

"And?" Lee leaned forward and brushed his lips against Harry's.

"If I hadn't been so drunk, maybe I could have side-stepped her questions, but she knows me too well, and she wasn't satisfied until I told her that I couldn't stand for you to be alone at Christmas." Harry's face was pink.

"And what else?"

"She isn't stupid, Lee. She said she'd seen the way we look at each other and that my tone of voice changes when I talk about you."

"So you told her we're lovers?" Lee held tightly to Harry's hands.

"She'd already figured it out."

"And she doesn't hate you?"

"No. She said that if being with you makes me happy then I should be with you. And then she made me tell her why I didn't want you to be alone on Christmas. Somewhere in the telling I must've passed out. When I woke up, she had a stack of presents wrapped, my suitcase packed, and a plane ticket for me to come to Washington. I didn't take much convincing. Besides, we've been lovers for over three years and you've always been at sea during the holidays. I really wanted to be with you this year."

"So you're my Christmas present from Edith. How am I going to thank her?"

"We have to spend next Christmas with her."

"Harry," he dropped Harry's hands and reached for his drink, "how do you feel about Edith knowing?"

"At first I was horrified. Now I'm relieved. She's the only family I have and I guess that makes her even closer to me. She said she was glad there's someone in my life who makes me happy." He sipped from the glass Lee had been holding, then returned it to the table. "And you do make me happy," he said as he took Lee's mouth.

Lee slipped his hand between Harry's legs and caressed the hardening flesh. "Hmmmm, I could make you a lot happier if you didn't have on so many clothes."

"Wait!" Harry pushed them apart. "I have to put some stuff in the refrigerator or it'll spoil. And I brought a pizza that we should eat while it's still warm."

"The only hot thing I want to eat is you and I want you now." Lee tugged Harry's sweater over his head.

"Okay, laddie, okay, but let me put the food away. If you help, it'll only take a second."

Lee clung to Harry as they walked the few steps to the kitchen where Harry placed the contents of a bag in the refrigerator.

"What's that?"

"Stuff for us to eat since most everything will be closed tomorrow." Harry shoved the pizza box into the oven and turned in Lee's arms. "Bedroom?"

"This way," Lee answered as he waltz-stepped Harry without letting go of him.

"God, this place is small," Harry said as he pushed Lee onto the bed.

"It's bigger than my quarters on board the Scorpion," Lee mumbled as he attacked Harry's belt buckle.

"You better let me handle this," Harry slapped at Lee's hands and undid his own belt and pants. He pushed them over his hips and kicked them to the floor before reaching for Lee's pants. "Easy, laddie, I'll take care of you, like I always do." He pulled Lee's sweater and shirt over his head.

"I love to see you wanting me. You're so long and lean and full of life."

Harry sat on the bed. "It's been forever since I've seen you. You know what you do to me. One touch from you and I'm over the edge."

"I know." Harry leaned forward and took Lee's cock into his mouth.

"Oh God, Harry," Lee cried as he tangled his fingers in red hair.

"Slow down, laddie, take a deep breath, let's make it last." Harry's hand cupped Lee's balls, squeezing gently.

"I can't!"

Harry took the cock into his throat and sucked until Lee exploded. With a Cheshire-cat grin, Harry wiped his mouth with his finger, then laid it on Lee's lips.

"Ummmm," Lee murmured as he sucked Harry's finger. "I've missed you."

"I can tell." Harry smiled as he cuddled next to Lee. "I'm still wearing some of my clothes."

"I can't help what you do to me."

"And I wouldn't want you to, but there's another matter." Guiding Lee's hand, Harry placed it on his crotch. "I need you, too."

"Towels and stuff are in the bathroom."

Lee tried to get up, but Harry pushed him back down. "You wait here. I'll get them." Harry pulled his shirt off as he walked to the bathroom. "Cinnamon oil?" chuckled Harry as he returned. "Were you expecting me?"

"Not in my wildest dreams. I found that oil shortly after the last time we were together and I thought it might be fun. Why don't you find out?" Lee lifted his hips as Harry slid a towel under them.

As Harry dripped red oil on his hands, the room smelled of the spice. He coated his own cock with the oil, then poured a little on Lee's belly, which he worked in circles until Lee's cock began to stir. "Your body amazes me. I've never been able to come back so quickly."

"Probably because you don't explode the minute I touch you. I never seem to get enough of you. And you never kiss me enough. Come here." Pulling Harry down, Lee touched his lips to Harry's

"Laddie, it's been a long time and I need you." Harry pulled back and coated his cock with more oil, then slid his finger into Lee. "Damn, you're tight."

"Just for you, old man. Want it to be the best." Lee moaned and pushed against Harry's hand.

"Another finger. I don't want to hurt you."

"Damn it, Harry, I won't break. You're driving us both crazy over nothing. Do it."

Blue eyes blazed. "Do what, laddie?"

"Fuck me, goddamn it. Shove that hard, thick cock up my ass. I want you, I want you so bad." He lifted his legs and draped them over Harry's shoulders. For several moments Lee remained silent, knowing what Harry wanted to hear and making him wait. Lee watched Harry pull and stroke his own cock until his eyes were glazed with passion. Then Lee whispered, "Please."

Harry's mouth held a tiny smile as he eased himself into Lee's body. "You're incredibly tight."

"You shouldn't stay away from me so long." Moving in rhythm to Harry's thrusts, Lee pushed his hand between them and manipulated himself. Harry moaned as his pace increased.

"No staying power tonight," he whispered as he spurted into Lee, then collapsed onto Lee's belly as his partner climaxed.

"You're wonderful, old man, and there'll be plenty of time for staying power later." Lee wrapped his arms around Harry, holding him tightly. "There will be a later, won't there?"

"I wouldn't leave you on Christmas Eve. There'll be several laters. I want this to be a special holiday, our first Christmas together. But right now, just hold me. Sometimes I need to feel your arms around me."

Lee rolled them over on their sides and gently kissed Harry. "We can stay like this forever. The only thing I'd planned for tonight and tomorrow was to finish a computer program that's driving me nuts." He snuggled closer. "I can't believe you're here."

"You're trembling."

"It's cold. I hate winter and snow and cold. But we can cuddle under the covers and stay toasty warm."

"Or we could shower, get dressed and decorate your Christmas tree." Harry rubbed his hand over Lee's back. "And I needed a shower before we landed in bed."

"I don't remember complaining." Lee tightened his hold on Harry. "I'm not ready to let go of you yet."

"I'm staying the night. We'll come back to bed later."

Lee touched his lips to Harry's. "Promise?"

"Promise," Harry replied as he captured Lee's mouth. "Now, do I shower alone or what?"

"No, you don't shower alone, not while I'm around." Lee pushed himself off the bed and offered Harry a hand. "You forgot your blue silk robe the last time we were together. It's hanging in my closet."

In the bathroom Lee started the water running. When Harry came in, Lee asked, "What kind of pizza did you bring?"

"Some kind of combination. It has lots of stuff on top."

Harry stepped into the shower. When Lee followed Harry, the water was warm and so were Harry's hands. Washing each other after sex had become a habit and Lee loved the feel of Harry's soapy hands on his body. This ritual was as intimate and special as their love-making. Lee leaned down to kiss Harry as the water sprayed over both of them.

Dressed in pajamas and robe and leaving Harry to finish shaving and dressing, Lee went to the kitchen to warm the pizza. He turned on the oven, then rummaged in the refrigerator until he found beer. He also peeked in some of the packages from Harry's mysterious bag.

Grabbing two bottles, he pushed the door closed and opened the beer. He handed one to Harry, who had entered the room and was placing the tree in front of the living room window.

"That's a scrawny example of seasonal flora," Lee commented.

"This tree was in desperate need of a home and I knew you wouldn't have bothered, even though you promised you would."

"We were going to open our gifts while talking on the phone. I'd have pretended to have a tree and--". He took a long drink from his bottle. "Ah, hell, you know I don't like Christmas."

"Well, I do, and I'm going to give you some good memories to replace all those bad ones." Harry ran his fingers across Lee's face before kissing him. "Maybe you have to be an Irish Catholic to love Christmas when everything's bleak. And maybe my Irish Catholic mother and grandmother taught me some magic that I don't remember."

Lee laughed. "Yes, sir, you do know some wonderful magic, but I doubt seriously if you learned it from your mother."

"You never know. My mother seems to have instilled tolerant views in her children. Look how broad-minded Edith is."

"Speaking of which, don't you think we should call her? I mean, I need to thank her for my present." Lee brushed a kiss over Harry's lips.

"As long as you don't go into detail about how you unwrapped it." Harry blushed.

"She has a college education, Harry. She can figure it out for herself." Lee picked up the telephone and placed the call. "Yes, operator, I'll be here when you ring back. Thank you."

"What's that smell?"

"Oh, I forgot the pizza." Lee hung up the telephone and dashed to the kitchen. "Only a little singed."

At the small table, Harry started to push the papers to one side. "What're you working on?"

"Here, hold this." Lee handed Harry the pizza box supported by towels. "Computer simulation. Let me move this stuff or we'll drip pizza sauce all over it." He scooped the papers, the books, and his slide rule together into a neat pile and placed them on the coffee table. "Okay, put the box down. You need another beer?"

"Yeah, and some napkins."

When Lee sat down at the table, Harry handed him a piece of hot pizza with cheese stringing down each side. With his mouth full, Lee mumbled, "This is pretty good."

"What kind of computer simulation?" Harry asked as he drank from the beer bottle.

"A program to increase the security and reliability of the submarine fail safe system."

"How so?"

"As you know, the current system works with two, three, or four actual keys. My concern with the four-key system is that in a time of attack, one or more of the key holders might not be available. If one man is killed, then the sub couldn't fire her missiles unless that key could be located and used. Also, there are some problems in the current launching system. If I'm going to be on a boat that launches those goddamn things, I want computer and backup systems that I can depend on."

"Let me see your flow chart."

Leafing through the pages from the stack on the coffee table, Lee handed Harry several sheets of paper with many erasures and changes on them. After studying the pages, Harry asked, "Is this a solo project?"

"No, there are six of us working on the same problem independently. After the programs are written and running, we'll meet with the professor and compare them. The best of the group or the best combination will go to the Navy Department for review and necessary revisions."

"Didn't you say you had computer time reserved for tomorrow?"

"Actually, I didn't reserve time. I figured no one else would be running anything tomorrow." Lee sipped his beer and watched Harry's face, which was alight with interest.

"Is it ready to run?"

"No. I had hit another roadblock just before you showed up on my doorstep and saved me from going crazy. And it's not punched. I was planning on doing that myself."

"If I can schedule computer time and find someone to do the keypunching, how much time would you need to have it ready?" Harry was like a dog with a new bone.

"I don't know, sir. It could be hours before I find the solution to the problem, and right now there are things I'd much rather do." He ran his fingers over Harry's hand. "I'm not up against a deadline with the program, but my time with you is limited."

"Maybe we could work on your program together, find the bugs, schedule computer time tomorrow evening and spend time together while the computer crunches your numbers."

"Let me clear the table and we'll work on it now." Lee started to get out of his chair.

"No, not now," Harry said as he pulled Lee back down. "We'll work on your program in the morning. Tonight we're going to decorate your tree and open presents. I'll call about time and personnel."

"Don't forget we're waiting for our call to Edith." Lee gathered the empty pizza box and beer bottles as Harry went to the phone.

"This is Admiral Harriman Nelson. I need a keypunch operator and computer time for tomorrow evening." He paused, then nodded his head. "Nineteen hundred hours?" He looked at Lee and asked, "Commander, that time good for you?"

"Yes, sir," Lee replied as he dumped trash into the can.

"Nineteen hundred hours, confirmed. Thank you, ensign, and Merry Christmas." Harry replaced the phone.

"I hope I can be ready by then," Lee mumbled. "Why're you so interested in my school project?"

Wrapping his arms around Lee, Harry said, "You're not just another pretty face. Behind those seductive eyes is a mind of steel and it fascinates me as much as your body does. I supported your request to attend this course."

"Would you be terribly disappointed if I told you one of the reasons I applied was so I could be closer to you? After all, you were teaching at the academy when I applied." He swayed in Harry's arms, then leaned down to kiss him. "I even moved from the B.O.Q. to this apartment so we'd have a private place to be together."

"If we were together too much, neither of us would get any work done and I have a lot of work to do."

"Admiral, I don't see why we can't work together."

"Because, laddie, when I'm with you, I rarely think about work." He placed a light kiss on Lee's lips. "You're too much of a distraction."

"Well, you're here now, and I intend to make the best of it, even if you do make me work." The phone rang and Lee stepped out of Harry's arms to answer it. "Hello."

"Your call to Santa Barbara, California, sir."

"Thank you, operator." He motioned to Harry. "It's Edith." He waited while the line clicked and beeped. "Hello, Edith."

"Hello. Harry?"

"No, Edith, it's Lee. Harry's here with me and he tells me I have you to thank. I don't know what to say except this may be the best Christmas I've ever had."

"I just want him, and you, to be happy. And safe. For the love of God, be safe."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll take good care of him. I promise." Lee handed the phone to Harry and stepped to the window to watch the snow. He was afraid he was going to wake up and find that this was all a dream. He couldn't help overhearing Harry's half of the conversation,

"Yes, I arrived safely with all my bags and boxes. Thank you. I'm not sure I'd have been able to do all this without your meddling, but I'm glad to be here, with Lee. Sunday, I think. I actually have some work to do here, so I'll finish that up and I should be on a plane Sunday. If not, I'll let you know. If you need me, I'll be here. If we're out, call back. Yeah, I love you, too. Merry Christmas, Edith."

Lee turned as Harry replaced the receiver. "Until Sunday? This is only Tuesday night. Can you really stay that long?" Lee held his breath. Five whole nights.

"Yes, laddie, that's my plan. Subject to change without notice, if duty calls, as you well know."

"The Russians wouldn't dare attack this Christmas. They'd have to face me if they screwed up my time with you." Lee was suddenly very possessive about this holiday with his lover.

"Let's trim your tree." Harry ripped open the box marked decorations.

"Did Edith send everything with you on the plane? A commercial flight?" Lee asked.

"Yes. There wasn't time for anything else. But I looked like everyone else who was traveling. Lots of boxes, wrapped presents, and happy smiles. I must've looked like an idiot because I was so happy."

"You looked wonderful when you walked in that door." He helped Harry with the boxes. "So what's in there?"

"Twinkling lights. A Christmas tree has to have twinkling lights. We put them on first. Here, help me wrap them around this poor little tree."

"Why'd you buy this particular tree?" Lee didn't want to make any unkind comments because Harry had gone to so much trouble, but the tree was ugly and half dead.

"That's part of the joy. I didn't buy it, I saved it from the garbage can. Not many people wait until the last minute to buy a tree and the vendors can't exactly keep their goods until next year. This little tree was in great need of a place to fill with the Christmas spirit." Harry carefully clipped the lights to the branches, then plugged them in. They twinkled red, blue, green and yellow.

"Now what?" asked Lee as he watched a side of the Admiral he'd never seen before.

"The ornaments are next. I don't know what Edith packed but she said they were all special."

Inside the box, wrapped in layers of tissue paper, were the ornaments. On top was a note in Edith's handwriting, which read: "Harry and Lee, Some old traditions to help you start your new traditions. Love, Edith."

Holding out his hand to Harry, Lee asked, "Are we starting new traditions?"

Harry held Lee's hand to his heart, then stepped closer. "I think we already have." He parted his lips, an invitation to Lee. Closing his eyes, Lee wrapped his arms around Harry and kissed him thoroughly. Laughing, Harry said, "At this rate, we should have this tree decorated by Easter." He slipped out of Lee's arms. "You start unwrapping the ornaments while I get us another beer."

Lee sat cross-legged on the floor. He picked up a bundle of tissue paper and carefully peeled through the layers. At the center was a stiff crocheted oval that had yellowed with age. Nestled inside was the picture of a small child with mounds of red curls. "Harry," Lee whispered, awestruck, "is this you?"

"Oh my God. I haven't seen that in years. I didn't know Edith had it."

"Well, is it you?"

"Yes. I think I was four. My grandmother made those whenever she could get a photograph. It looks like Edith has cleaned and starched this one. She must have found it when she moved." Harry sat on the floor next to Lee and handed him a beer. "I wonder what else's in here?"

Lee felt a stab of pain when he thought about his own family and the memories he didn't have. Harry looked like a little boy with anticipation in his bright blue eyes. "Are there other childhood pictures of you?"

"There must be somewhere, but I'd have to ask Edith."

"I want to see them." Lee drank from his bottle. "I want to know everything about you."

"Oh, look," Harry said as he held up a small wooden sailboat. "Another token of my childhood."

Lee unwrapped a bright blue globe with words written in glitter: Harry, Christmas, 1957. "It looks like this one is brand new."

"So is this one," Harry added as he showed Lee a red globe that was decorated: Lee, Christmas, 1957. "We need to place them on the tree." Harry stood and offered his hand to Lee. "We decorate together."

After all the ornaments were on the tree, Harry opened another box. Inside was a shining white angel trimmed in gold. Pinned to her translucent skirt was another note from Edith. "This is for the top of your tree. She'll watch over you and keep you safe."

"My sister is a sappy sentimentalist." Harry looked at Lee. "But we have to honor her wishes. We must put the angel on the tree together or she loses her powers."

Harry, you don't really believe in magic and stuff, do you?"

"Pure Irish blood runs in my veins. Of course, I believe in magic." Harry's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Now help me with the angel."

The forlorn little tree looked majestic with its decorations.

"What else do we have to do?" Lee was warm and happy and he didn't think it had anything to do with Christmas magic, just Harry's presence.

"Here are some icicles. Help me drape them over the branches like this. You have to do them one at a time." When they were finished, Harry asked, "Now is that a beautiful tree?"

"Yes, it is. Thank you."

"Well, the room needs candles and the tree needs a skirt and we need mistletoe and presents. Especially presents."

"I sent your present to you at Edith's. You'll have to open it when you get home." Then Lee remembered the things sitting on his closet shelf that he had purchased for the next time he saw Harry. Since he was seeing Harry now, they would be perfect gifts.

"Oh, wait, here's another box of decorations. It's a train." Harry's voice was excited. "Lee, help me with this." Harry lifted out the tiny wooden cars and the strip of wooden track. "It should go on a fireplace mantle, but we'll set it here on the floor in front of the tree."

"She put our names on the cars. How'd she do that?" Lee was fascinated.

"She does this stuff with her kids at school. They make all kinds of things. She probably had everyone in her class making these little wooden train cars." Harry dug into another box. "Presents. Oh, here's a little box from you to me. Edith did think of everything."

"Maybe we should elevate her to sainthood. Harry, this is all too good to be true." Lee looked at the floor. "I was always as good as I knew how to be, but Santa never came down my chimney."

Lifting Lee's chin, Harry said, "I'm replacing all those bad memories." Harry kissed Lee and continued, "Why don't you grab some pillows and blankets and let's sit here on the floor? I'll get the scotch and some fresh glasses." He picked up the empty beer bottles and went to the kitchen.

In the bedroom, Lee gathered the linen, the box from Harry that had arrived in the mail, and the box holding the items he had purchased for Harry. It wasn't wrapped, but Harry could pretend.

Lee carried everything to the living room and helped Harry spread the blankets and pillows. "I'll be back in a minute," Lee said.

"Where're you going?"

"Bathroom." Lee closed the door and pulled an envelope out of his pocket. It contained a bright red heart with black lettering, which read, *Property of Harry*. Looking at the temporary tattoo, Lee had second thoughts. It had seemed like such a good idea when he bought it, but now it seemed a little silly. Oh well, silly or not, he belonged to Harry and this would be a good way to say so. He scanned the instructions quickly, then applied the tattoo to his left shoulder.

"Are you all right in there?" Harry called from the other room.

"Yes, sir, I'll be right there," Lee called, then patted his shoulder dry and buttoned his pajama top. Harry would find it at the proper time.

In the living room Lee tossed his robe across the back of the sofa. "It's not cold in here anymore," he said as he dropped to sit next to Harry on the blanket. Lee knew it was Harry's presence that had warmed him up. The room was dark except for the glow from the Christmas tree and the streetlights reflecting on the snow shining through the window.

"You're not sick, are you?"

"No, sir, I'm fine. Perfect, in fact. I'm so glad you're here." Lee pulled Harry's hands into his and kissed Harry's fingers.

"Are you ready to open your gifts?" Harry asked, gently pulling his hands out of Lee's grip.

"Yes. Shall I start with the one you mailed to me?"

"Yes. And I can start with the one you mailed to me." Harry reached for the boxes and handed one to Lee. "You first. Here."

Taking the gift, Lee looked at the Santa paper like he had looked at it all week, as if it were the most precious item in his possession. He used his fingernail to slice the tape and carefully unwrap the box.

"Oh for God's sake, rip the paper," Harry ordered.

"I don't want to rip it. I want to save it."

Lee smiled at Harry's enthusiasm. Lee folded the paper before he opened the box. Inside were black leather racing gloves. "Harry, they're wonderful." He slid his hands inside.

"Finding gloves for those long elegant fingers of yours was quite a challenge, but worth the effort."

Flexing his hands, Lee said, "These are perfect. I love them." "And you'll look so hot wearing them while you drive that wild machine of yours," Harry teased.

"You love to ride in my car, you just won't admit it."

"It's not the car I have a problem with, it's your driving. Trying to break the sound barrier on the back roads of Virginia."

"Speed turns me on and you always enjoy the benefits." Lee ran his gloved hands down Harry's face. "Your turn." He slipped the gloves off and placed them carefully on top of the Santa paper.

Harry balanced the small package in his hand, trying to judge the contents by the weight, then he ripped the paper off. Nestled inside the white tissue paper was a carved schooner. "My God, Lee, it's scrimshaw."

Looking down, Lee said, "Yes, sir. I thought about you the minute I saw it."

"Lee, look at me. This is beautiful and I thank you for thinking of me."

"Harry, I think about you all the time." Lee was very warm and reached for his glass of scotch, taking a small sip. Harry took the glass, then pressed his mouth to Lee's. Drawing out the moment, Harry slipped his tongue between Lee's lips.

Lee took a deep breath. "If you kiss me like that again, it'll be a while before we open any more presents."

"Okay," Harry grinned.

"Open this one."

"I suppose you want me to rip the paper?"

"That's part of the fun. Want me to show you how?"

"No," Lee laughed. "I think I can manage it." Inside the box was an Aran knit sweater in an off-white shade. "It's gorgeous."

"From Ireland. And that color was made for you. Hold it up so I can see."

"Okay, now where's the box without wrapping? Oh, there it is. I hadn't planned this as a Christmas gift, but to give to you the next time we were together. So, we're together."

Harry lifted out the sweater on top and laughed. "Great minds?"

"Something like that. It's cornflower blue, the color of your eyes. Keep going, there's more in the box."

Pulling out the dark blue pants, Harry asked, "Jeans?"

"Not just any jeans. I've washed them about twenty times and strategically brushed them, but only your wearing them will mold them to your body shape. Will you try them on for me?"

Standing and slipping out of his robe, Harry shed his pajama bottoms.

"Shorts, too, old man. These jeans require no underwear."

"Lee!"

"I've seen you go out in public without wearing underwear before."

"But never in pants this tight. How am I supposed to breathe?"

Standing next to the Admiral, Lee said, "Here, let me help." He pulled the pants over Harry's hips and eased his hand over Harry's groin before pulling the zipper up. Then he massaged the warm flesh until it began to grow.

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure these fit properly. See, you fill them out perfectly."

"But I can't sit down." Harry started to tug the jeans down.

"You have to break them in. They should be soft enough to give just enough. I've invested a lot of time and scientific knowledge in that denim. Humor me for a while." Lee couldn't take his hands off his lover.

"Okay, fine, but I can't bend over so you'll have to pick up that box over there wrapped in blue paper."

"This one?" Harry nodded.

"Great things come in small packages. What is it?" Lee shook the box and heard a slight rattle.

"Open it," Harry ordered.

Inside the box was a black leather cache-sexe with straps. Lee looked at Harry, whose eyes were bright with passion. "I want to see you wear it and what's inside, too."

Lee took the pouch out of the box and shook it. A gold metal ring fell to the floor. "A cock ring, Harry?"

"That gold ring is going to look so gorgeous nestled against your black curls. I've thought about it all day. But I may have to suck you off first to get you soft enough so I can put it on you." Harry ran his hand across Lee's crotch, finding the cock hard.

Cradling Harry's basket, Lee purred, "Looking at you in those jeans is enough to get me hard, old man."

"Take your pajamas off so I can see how my gifts are going to look on you." Harry untied the string at Lee's waist and the pants dropped to the floor.

Stepping out of his pajama bottoms, Lee picked up the cock ring from the floor and slipped it over the fingers of his left hand. Then he draped the straps of the leather pouch over the same hand and turned to grab Harry. Lee embraced his lover from the back so he could reach around and fondle Harry's crotch. "Such indecent gifts for Christmas, Harry."

"And you think these jeans qualify as decent? I'll bet you expect me to wear these things in public, don't you?" Harry leaned backwards as Lee put his chin on Harry's shoulder.

"Only if you're with me, old man." Lee was breathing hard and thrusting himself into Harry's back. "If I let you out of my sight, someone else will grab you."

"My gifts were intended to be private, for my eyes only. And I want to see them on you."

"Oh, Harry," Lee moaned as he pushed into Harry's back and stroked Harry's cock through the soft denim.

"Ummmmmmm." Turning around in Lee's arms, Harry cursed, "Damn, these jeans are so tight I can't move."

He shook Lee by the shoulders. "Lee, stop." He blew into Lee's face. "Breathe, damn it, I can't get down on my knees until I get out of these pants."

"Harry," Lee mumbled.

Harry grabbed Lee's cock by the base and squeezed gently. "Slow down. We have all night. We have five nights."

Drawing deep ragged breaths, Lee whispered, "Unless the phone rings and you have to run off, then I might not see you again for months."

"Easy, laddie, I'll take care of you in a minute. I have to get out of these jeans first. Go wash your face and bring us a towel. I want to make love to you by the Christmas tree." Harry brushed Lee's lips. "Go."

Stumbling into the bathroom, Lee did as the Admiral ordered, forcing his own body to calm down. He splashed cold water on his face and took several deep breaths. Better. He grabbed towels and oil and hurried back to the living room, his cock rock hard and jutting out in front of him. Harry had removed the jeans and unbuttoned his pajama top. Lee realized he was still wearing his own pajama top. Harry would find the fake tattoo, or not.

"Come here," Harry invited as he opened his arms. "I didn't mean to be so abrupt, but I wasn't ready for you to waste your precious cream all over my back."

Stepping into Harry's embrace, Lee said, "I can't seem to get enough of you and you're so hot in those jeans."

"But if I could've knelt down in them, I could've taken care of you instead of making you wait." Taking the towels from Lee, Harry dropped them on the blanket. "Lie down here with me. It's my fault that you're so desperate. I do run off and leave you. Maybe someday that'll change, but for now, I'm here and we'll make the most of it."

Lying on his back, Lee accepted the weight of his lover as Harry pressed on top of him. "I need you, and desperately is right."

"In a minute, laddie. Where's your cock ring?"

Holding up his hand, Lee displayed the ring still hooked loosely over two fingers. Harry took the ring and slipped it on his own fingers, then took Lee's mouth. Harry's fingers worked at the buttons on Lee's pajama top.

Squirming under Harry, Lee moaned, "This is no time for foreplay."

"What's it time for?"

"Your mouth, Harry. Please suck me."

Harry scooted down between Lee's legs and ran his hands along the length of Lee's cock. "So tall and proud and perfect," Hurry murmured, as he gently kissed the head.

"Suck, Harry!" Lee cried. "Suck me hard."

Leaning forward, Harry engulfed Lee's cock, then sucked and stroked until Lee arched his back and screamed, "Harry, oh God, Harry."

Spiraling back down to earth, Lee was aware of Harry's head still lying on his crotch. "Come up here and kiss me, you wonderful old man."

"In a minute," Harry said as he sat up. "I want to put this on you and if I wait until after I kiss you, you may be hard again. Sit up so you can watch."

Pushing himself up on his elbows, Lee watched as Harry slipped the gold ring over one of the balls, then the other before pushing Lee's soft cock through the ring and sliding it down to rest against the dark curls. "I told you it would look beautiful against your dark skin and hair." Harry ran his hand across Lee's groin and twisted the curls in his fingers.

"You're a hopeless romantic, old man, and I wouldn't have you any other way." Lee leaned back and pushed a pillow under his head. "Come here and kiss me." Holding out his hand, Lee pulled Harry down, then pressed their mouths together.

"It's nice to see your eyes focus again. I lost you there for a while," Harry said as he combed his fingers through Lee's hair. "You never cease to amaze me. You've come three times already and show no signs of stopping. You're insatiable."

"I can't help what you do to me," Lee offered. "No one has ever done to me what you do. There's no such thing as having enough of you." After several more kisses, Lee continued, "And from the feel of your cock, I must do something for you, too."

"You always have, and you always take care of me." Harry reached for the buttons on Lee's pajama top. "I'm not sure why you still have this on, but I'd like for it to be off." When Harry pushed the shirt off Lee's shoulder, he stopped and stared. "What the hell is this?"

"Just a little property marker," Lee replied as he watched Harry inspect the fake tattoo.

"Jesus, Lee, are you crazy? You can't run around in the Navy with the brand of another man on your body -- hey, wait a minute, this wasn't here earlier."

"Always keenly observant, aren't you, Admiral?" Lee laughed, "But you do like it, don't you?"

"Except for the location. You know perfectly well that if I brand you, it'll be on your ass." Harry traced the bright red heart with his fingertip.

"It's rather difficult for me to put one there, but I do have another one, if you want to brand my ass." Lee enjoyed the evil glow in Harry's blue eyes.

"I take it this is temporary."

"Yes, sir. Washes off with acetone."

"I don't suppose you have one that says *Property of Lee*?"

Lee grinned, "As a matter of fact, I do. I just wasn't sure when I was going to show it to you."

"Get them." Harry rolled off Lee.

Climbing to his feet, Lee went to the bedroom and retrieved the packages from his dresser drawer. In the living room, Lee handed the tattoos to Harry.

"Where did you find these?"

"Well, I found some similar ones in a shop in New York, in the Village, and they had these made for me. Nice work, don't you think?"

"How long do they last?" Harry looked closely at the artwork.

"The one I tested lasted two weeks, but I had it too far down in the pubic hair. It looked really silly, which is why I put this one on the smoother skin up here." Lee ran his hand over the artwork. "This one should last longer. I may have a real tattoo done because I like the way it looks."

"I don't think that's a good idea, laddie. What we do here is one thing...."

"I know, Harry, I know, but the rest of the world can never know. I'm not careless, Admiral."

After a moment, Harry held out the tattoo that proclaimed *Property of Lee* to Lee. "Will you put this one on me?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Anywhere you want." Harry stretched out on the blanket while Lee went to get a bowl of water.

"On your belly, old man. Your ass is mine." Lee knelt between Harry's legs and stroked the skin on Harry's butt. He decided on the area in the middle of the right cheek. "This'll be hard to take off by yourself and I'm not going to take it off for you once I put it on." Slipping his hand underneath the Admiral's body, Lee caressed the hard cock. "Maybe I should put it on the little Admiral."

"No, we use too many lotions, oils, and potions. It would rub off too soon," Harry mumbled with his head in his hands. "But if you keep fondling me, I'm going to have to turn my attention to more immediate concerns."

Lee slapped playfully at Harry's ass, then soaked the tattoo in the bowl of water. Carefully he pulled the red heart free of its paper backing and affixed it to Harry's skin, then used one of the towels to pat the area dry. "Done."

Rolling onto his side, Harry tried to turn his head around far enough to see the brand, but was unable to do so.

"You can admire my handiwork later," Lee said as he rolled Harry onto his back. "Right now, I want a taste of this." Lee slipped his mouth over the Admiral's cock and tickled his balls. Harry's cock tasted warm and salty as Lee worked to relax his throat and take it all. When Harry was thrashing and groaning, Lee backed off and sucked on Harry's balls.

"Lee," croaked Harry.

"Yes, sir," Lee answered as he looked into Harry's eyes.

"On your belly, laddie," Harry ordered, his voice ragged.

"Yes, sir," Lee complied.

As Harry settled between Lee's legs, he rubbed his hands over Lee's butt. "Here. I want my brand right here." Harry kissed a spot in the middle of one cheek.

"Just dip it in the water until it loosens, then place it where you want it." Lee held very still until he felt the cool material touch his skin, then he squirmed under the gentle touch knowing that this meant Harry's feelings were showing.

Harry was quiet for several moments, then he slapped Lee's ass. "Up on your knees." Reaching under Lee, Harry groped and squeezed. "Tell me what you feel?" Harry ran his finger around the gold ring.

"You mean how tight it is?"

"Yeah."

"It feels good, Harry, almost as good as when you squeeze me real tight in your hand, or maybe when your ass squeezes it."

"Mmmmmm ... that sounds nice, only with your ass squeezing my cock." Harry rimmed the entrance to Lee's body with his tongue. "You want it now?"

"Yes, anything, yes Harry." Lee's insides melted at the stimulation from Harry's tongue.

"Are you mine? Do you belong to me?"

"Yes, sir, I do." Lee felt the heat from his lover's body.

"And I can do anything I want to you?"

"Of course."

Harry pulled his hands away from Lee's groin and circled Lee's waist, positioning himself. Lee relaxed. "Do it, Harry. I never get enough of you." As Harry pushed into Lee, Harry firmly clutched Lee's cock and stroked it in unison with his vigorous thrusts.

"You're still so tight, you're going to pull the life out of me."

"I'm going to try," Lee said as he moved to Harry's rhythm. Harry's breath was hot on Lee's back as the man pounded into Lee until he thought he would collapse under the force. Finally, Harry pumped hard into Lee, then was still. Lee placed his hand over Harry's and continued pumping his own cock until he ejaculated over both their hands. Then he collapsed onto the blanket with Harry covering him and still inside him. Lee didn't want to move, he wanted this feeling of completeness and fullness to last forever.

"Lee," Harry whispered, "Lee, are you asleep?"

"No, just mellow and happy. The only thing wrong with this position is that I can't kiss you. I don't want to move but I really wish I could kiss you."

"Decisions, decisions," Harry laughed into Lee's ear. "And I'll let you make it. But I must tell you my hand is numb."

"Okay, you can roll off me." Lee sighed as Harry's weight shifted and the warmth slid out of his body. Lee then rolled onto his side and pulled Harry close, entwining their legs. "You aren't planning on sleeping here, are you, my insatiable stallion?"

"I plan on sleeping wherever you are, and you're here."

Lee snuggled closer and kissed Harry. Slipping his hand between their bodies, Harry rubbed Lee's semen onto their bellies. "Would you like me to wash you before you go to sleep?"

"Yes, Harry, I'd like for you to wash me and then we'll move to the bedroom to sleep." He lifted his hips as Harry pulled the towel out from under him, then Lee rolled onto his back. The shiny gold ring was nestled in his black curls and he wondered if there was some significance to it beyond being a sex toy. Lee opened his eyes when he felt a warm cloth on his stomach. "Mmmmmmm. Is it time to get up?"

"No, just time to move to the bedroom. I need to take the cock ring off while you're soft. Come on, we'll clean the rest of this up in the morning."

"Bring the pillows," Lee said, feeling very relaxed and sleepy. Snuggled in the middle of the bed, Lee curled his arms around Harry. "Wanna go out with you."

"What?" Harry pushed himself up on his elbow. "Are you awake?"

"'m awake. I wanna take you dancing. I want you to wear those new jeans and I wanna show you off." He didn't open his eyes, but he envisioned Harry standing in the tight pants. "If I finish that program tomorrow, will you take me dancing?"

"Lee, we can't go out in public. Not in this city. You know that. It's too dangerous."

"Yeah, I know. Come'ere and hold me." Lee settled down to sleep in Harry's arms.
* * * * *

Wed 25 Dec 57
Washington, D.C.

The early morning light woke Lee and he stretched under the covers and was delighted to find he was still in Harry's arms, but his body ached. Carefully extracting himself, he eased out of bed and into the bathroom. He was stiff and sore and knew if he wanted to get any work done today, he had to run.

Back in the bedroom he tucked the covers around Harry, then he lifted them again to see the decal on Harry's ass. He leaned over and kissed it softly. "I love you." He whispered, then replaced the covers, grabbed his running clothes and shoes and tiptoed out of the room.

The sun glared on yesterday's snow making Lee squint as he took a deep breath of cold crisp air. After making sure his shoes were securely tied, he tucked the chain holding his apartment key inside his gray sweat suit and did some limbering stretches.

As he jogged into a clear path in the street, his body protested. Making sure the street was free of traffic, Lee picked up his speed and pushed everything else from his mind. When he returned to his apartment, his mind was working and his body was limber, although it ached where Harry had penetrated, a nice lingering reminder of Harry whenever he moved.

Before checking on the Admiral, Lee started coffee. In the bedroom, Harry was still asleep, his red hair tousled on the pillow. Lee decided not to wake his lover, but to tackle the programming problem. They could shower when Harry woke up.

Pouring a mug of coffee, Lee turned his mind back to the problems of his computer simulation. His thoughts seemed to be crystal clear this morning. A night with Harry always worked wonders. Soon he was lost in the world of logic.
* * * * *

"How long have you been up?" Harry whispered as he kissed Lee on the back of the neck.

"I don't know, a while. I didn't want to disturb you so I thought I'd work until we were ready for a shower." Lee put down his pencil and slide rule.

"You could've showered alone." Nelson was dressed in his blue robe.

"I do that most of the days of my life. I don't want to shower alone while you're here." Lee pushed the chair back and smiled. "I love you in that color."

"I know. Is that coffee I smell?"

"Yes, sir. Would you like some now?" Lee moved into the kitchen.

"Please. Do you still want to go dancing?"

"I'd love to go dancing, Harry, but I was fantasizing last night. It felt so good to go to bed with you that I wanted to take the feeling further. Being with you is all I really want." He handed Harry a cup of coffee. "Shall we shower and start our day? If you put the cockring back on, you'll have to get me off before you can remove it." Lee teased Harry as he turned to kiss him.

"Laddie, do you ever think about anything but sex?"

"Hardly ever, especially when you're around," Lee admitted, smiling. "I did do some work this morning and maybe I solved another part of the problem, but I'd rather think about sex, particularly sex with you."
* * * * *

Lee parked his car in a dark, secluded place several blocks from the bar, then grunted with the effort it took to get himself out in his tight pants. Excitement raced through his body as he walked around the car and offered Harry a hand. "God, you look hot in those jeans." Lee fondled Harry's crotch until the warm flesh was hard against his hand.

"Damn it, Lee, this is crazy." Harry slapped at Lee's hand.

"No, sir, it's exciting as hell. I love you in those pants and I want everyone in the world to know that I'm with you; that this," Lee squeezed Harry's cock through the denim, "is mine." He took Harry's mouth and felt the response through the fabric in his hand.

"This game's dangerous," Harry warned.

"So is riding around in a nuclear submarine, sir." Lee moved his hand and rubbed his crotch against Harry's. "You outlined the rules of the game, you picked the place, you established our alibis at the computer center. All I picked was your attire. So what are you fussing about?"

"Just my conservative nature."

"You're not conservative in the bedroom."

"We're not in a bedroom, we're standing on a public sidewalk. You know how important keeping our secret is. We have a lot to lose if something goes wrong." Harry's voice was husky with desire, weakening his logical argument.

Pressing himself into Harry, Lee asked, "You want to stop now and go home?" "Standing here like this, all I want is to throw you across the hood of this damn car and fuck your brains out." He drew several ragged breaths. "No, we don't go home, we go in."

Lee stepped back a few inches. "Good. You go first and take a seat in the back and wait for me to come in. I'll take a seat at the bar, waiting for the right pick up." He brushed his lips against Harry's. "This is one hell of a Christmas present."

Tugging his sweater down, Harry took a deep breath.

"Don't hide it." Lee pulled the sweater back up. "Harry, your basket's so beautiful, don't hide it."

"Laddie, there are some things about me you can't change. I can do a lot of things, but I can't walk into that bar or anyplace else with my feelings exposed." He pulled the sweater back down. "When we're alone, my body is yours to do with as you please, but out here, I have to use my own defenses. I'm uncomfortable enough in these jeans, which I agreed to wear, but I can't give you any more."

"Okay, Admiral, I won't ask for what you can't give." He popped Harry on the ass. "Go. And try not to smoke too much." Lee watched as Harry walked down the dark street and around the corner.

Checking his watch, Lee decided to wait five minutes before following him. In the beginning, Lee had only wanted a romantic evening with a little dancing, but now it seemed an exciting game was on the menu instead. He adjusted himself in his tight jeans, making sure his erection was full and hard. There was little point in cruising unless you looked ready for action.

Pushing open the door to the bar, Lee took a moment to look around. Dark and smoky, just like all the other bars he had seen. He couldn't spot Harry, but knew the man was there, waiting. Lee sauntered across the crowded room and climbed onto a high bar stool, then ordered scotch. He wanted a cigarette, which surprised him, because he rarely smoked and even more rarely craved the damn things.

A soft voice spoke near his shoulder. "Can I buy you a drink?" Lee turned to meet green eyes surrounded by blond hair and a gorgeous body.

"Got one thanks, but I could use a smoke."

"Sure thing." The man shook a cigarette from the package, handed it to Lee, then lit it before taking one for himself.

Inhaling, Lee enjoyed the sharp taste. "Thanks."

"What's a guy like you doing here on Christmas?"

"Waiting for someone," Lee answered.

"Any particular someone?"

"I haven't decided yet." Lee drew another lungful of smoke.

"Am I in the running?" "Could be. I haven't seen your competition yet."

"Well, everyone in the place has seen your equipment. Would you like to take a peek at mine?" The man took Lee's hand. "God, what wonderful hands, such long fingers. Here, feel."

Lee's hand was placed against the other man's crotch. "Very nice. But I'd like to shop around."

The man leaned over and kissed Lee soundly. "Don't take too much time. You're not the only fancy dish in here tonight."

It took only a few minutes before the stool next to Lee was occupied again. "You need a fresh drink. Bartender."

"Thanks. This place always busy on a Wednesday night?" Lee drank more scotch as he looked over the tall brunette with legs as long as his own.

"Well, this isn't just any Wednesday. It's Christmas. More people celebrating than usual. I haven't seen you here before."

"I haven't been here before."

"There's a place to play downstairs. I'm sure there are a number of men who'd like a piece of you."

"I'm really not into groups. I like one hot stud at a time." Lee wondered if this bar's back room was any different than all the others he had seen.

"I'm ready whenever you are." As the brunette stood, he turned and ran his hand over Lee's crotch. "You won't be waiting long." He disappeared into the crowd.

Taking a long drink of scotch, Lee scanned the crowd, but still didn't see Harry. {You're watching, I know you are.}

"Your glass is empty. Want me to take care of it?"

"Sure, thanks," Lee gulped as a young redhead slid next to him and rubbed against Lee's back.

"Is your dance card full?"

"No, but I am waiting for someone." Lee took another sip of his drink.

"You could wait on the dance floor with me," the redhead breathed into Lee's ear.

"I better not." Lee finished his drink in one long swallow. His heart was pounding and the man behind him was clearly aroused and just as clearly interested in Lee.

"Come on, it's just a dance. The music's soft and slow." The redhead eased Lee off the stool, herded him to the center of the room, and cupped his ass, pressing their bodies together.

Lee swayed with his partner to the music, his head spinning from the alcohol and the attention. He was so hard he thought he would explode the minute his lover touched him, if he could find Harry.

The redhead tensed and Lee looked up to see what caused the change. Harry was stomping towards them through the crowd like a raging bull. He grabbed Lee with one hand and the redhead with the other and pulled the two men apart so hard that Lee stumbled to the floor.

"You fucking little tramp," Harry shouted. Harry was so angry his face was as red as his hair and his eyes were flashing fire. "I can't leave you alone for a minute." Harry jerked Lee back to his feet and twisted his arm around behind his back and pulled him away from the other dancers. To the redhead, Harry yelled, "Keep your fucking hands off him, he's mine. If you could peel off his jeans, you'd find my brand on his ass."

"For God's sake, Harry, calm down. We're just dancing." Lee turned his body to take the pressure off his arm. "Harry, you're hurting me," he whispered.

"I should bust your ass, you little slut." Harry pulled on Lee's arm. "Get over here."

The men on the dance floor had separated, leaving a trail towards the back of the bar. Stumbling after Harry, Lee tried to reason with him. "Harry, you're making a scene. All I wanted was to dance with you."

Harry slammed through the door marked Gents and pushed Lee into a stall. Crowding in behind him, Harry locked the door and raised his hand. "Don't hit me! That's not part of the game."

"Neither was letting those men run their hands all over you. Look at you, so ready to shoot I'm surprised you didn't come in your pants while you were dancing with that redhead."

Dropping his hand to the front of Harry's jeans, Lee said, "You were watching, all of it, and it turned you on." Anger was creeping through Lee. "So, old man, you like to watch me with other men? Wanna step into the back room and watch me get it on with half a dozen guys? Do you want to know about all the back rooms in all the dark bars before I met you? Do you want to know about all those men in those months after Hawaii or do you want to watch me get fucked by another man? Is that what you want?"

Harry's hand came down to slap Lee again, but Lee reached out and blocked it. He twisted Harry into the corner of the stall and leaned forward to capture his mouth. Gently he worked his knee in between Harry's legs, pressing against the hard flesh. "You're hot, you're so hot you're about to explode. Does watching me with someone else do this to you?"

Dropping to his knees, Lee reached for Harry's zipper and tugged it gently over sensitive flesh. The swollen inflamed cock jumped out of its confinement and into Lee's hand. He licked the drops of fluid from the head and then shifted positions to take Harry's thick cock down his throat.

"Ahhhhhh," Harry moaned as he tangled his fingers in Lee's hair and forced Lee's head further down. This was no time for finesse so Lee sucked and stroked until Harry spurted cream wildly like a loose fire hose. Lee had to swallow over and over to handle the load, then he needed to suckle Harry for long minutes to calm his lover's body. Finally, Harry released the hold on Lee's hair and lifted him to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, his eyes beginning to focus.

"No, I'm not okay." Placing Harry's hand over his crotch, Lee whispered. "I need you."

"Let's get out of here and I'll do whatever you want."

"No. You're going down on your knees! Here and now!" Shoving Harry to the floor, Lee undid his pants and pulled his cock free. "Suck!"

"Lee, please, can we get out of here?"

Raising his hand, Lee grabbed control of his anger just in time to divert his fist to the wall. "No! You're going to take care of me now, then you're going to walk me out to the dance floor, put your arms around me, hold me close and let everyone know we belong to each other." "Couldn't we leave by the back door? I made a fool of myself out there and I'd just as soon slink out the back." Harry's eyes were dark pools.

"I think we learned a few new things about each other tonight and they may be things to explore later, but tonight I want to dance with you and I want those other men to see what I was waiting for. I want them to know how special you are."

Lee carefully tucked Harry back into his jeans before taking care of himself. "You're beautiful, old man, and I wouldn't have you any other way."

"I lost my temper, Lee, and I embarrassed us both. Can't we leave it at that?"

"Trust me on this, what I want will fix it better than sneaking out. All those men are going to be so jealous of me because I have you and I want them to remember that, not that you created a scene. If we leave them with an impression of a couple who had a fight and made up, they'll soon forget what we look like. As it is now, all they'll remember is an angry red bull charging across the dance floor and they'll remember your face."

"And your body, laddie. Do you know that every pair of eyes in that room was on you? Every man out there wants a piece of you."

"But the only man who gets me is you."

Lee opened the stall door and went to the sink to wash his hands. He combed his wet fingers through Harry's soft hair, soothing the wild-beast image. At the restroom door, Lee took Harry's hand and led the way onto the dance floor. Pulling Harry's sweater up, Lee wrapped his hands around his lover's butt and pulled him closer.

When Harry rested his head against Lee's chest, Lee whispered, "This isn't so bad, now is it?"

"No, laddie, holding you is never bad, I'm just not comfortable doing it in public."

"Just a little while longer. I need to get you hard again so when we walk out of here, everyone knows we're okay with each other."

"You're going to make me walk out of here with everyone staring at my crotch?"

"That's right, they're going to remember your basket, not your face. I want every man in this room to know I'm going home with the best, that you were worth waiting for."

Moving to the slow music, Lee rubbed himself against Harry until he groaned with pleasure.

Later, as they started toward the door that led outside, the redhead Lee had been dancing with stopped them. "This who you were waiting for?"

Lee snaked his arm around Harry and placed a hand on his hip. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," Harry offered his hand, "I didn't mean to lose my temper."

Shaking hands with Harry, the redhead said, "It was my fault, he told me no and I wouldn't listen. If he were mine, I'd be possessive, too. Can I buy you guys a drink?"

Lee tugged at Harry's sweater and twisted his hips so that his crotch pouched out proudly. "We better take a rain check, I need to take him home."

Winking, the redhead said, "I wouldn't mind taking him home, either. Ya'll come back real soon."

Lee and Harry walked out the door to the sounds of laughter. "Harry, I think he likes what he saw."

"He saw too damn much and you're a tramp. How can you flaunt yourself like that?"

"Because it turns you on." He tugged at Harry's arm. "Come on, it's cold out here and we still have to pick up my computer run."

"Damn. That means we have to change back into a uniform again before we can go to bed." Harry slumped into the seat.

Leaning into the car, Lee pressed his knee against the button that turned off the overhead light and kissed Harry soundly on the mouth. "Your hat and coat're in the car, the one with the stars on it. It's long enough to cover this," Lee kneaded Harry's crotch, "and your jeans. Put it on, go into the center and claim my run while I wait in the car. No one will ever know that underneath those stars, you're hard for me. Then we go home."
* * * * *

Sun 11 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

As Lee's thoughts returned to his cabin on *Seaview* and the blank sheet of paper gathering dust in front of him, he remembered the intense emotional roller-coaster of that first Christmas, five days that had been the best of times and the worst of times. As he and Harry learned new things about each other, there were always new problems to face. Sometimes those problems were very painful. Their love was strong and had been tested over the years, but this marriage could be the toughest test yet.
* * * * *

Wed 18 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

The Admiral was in his cabin, seated at his desk, fondling his slide rule and puffing on a cigarette when Lee knocked and pushed open the door. "Come in, Lee. What can I do for you?"

Closing the door, Lee circled behind Harry and leaned over to kiss him. "I needed to see you. It's so wonderful to walk down the corridor and knock on your door." Lee moved to sit in the chair across from the Admiral. "I've been thinking about some of the times we shared together," he looked down, "and some of the times we didn't."

"I know that some of our experiences haven't been pleasant, but just being in close proximity to each other will not place us in a happily-ever-after fairy tale." Harry crushed his cigarette in the ashtray.

"Harry, being alone is the worst thing in this world to endure. That's why solitary confinement is considered cruel and unusual punishment. I don't want to be alone when I can be with you." Lee looked across the desk into Irish eyes. "I've said that before and I'll probably say it again. Whatever problems we have together have to be better than anything we have apart."

"I hope you're right."

"We love each other. We may even be soul mates. Love is supposed to be the best thing there is. I've been in love with you for ten years. Isn't that long enough to make me wait for a place in your life?" Lee took Harry's hand.

"All right, Lee, if I can accept your declaration of love, which, of course, is what I'm doing by exchanging vows, can we take a serious moment to look at what this can do to your life?"

"Admiral, Harry, you are my life. There's nothing else."

"What about your parents? What would your father say if he ever found out?"

"I'm sure it would shock him out of his nice, comfortable, straight, Republican mind. But I really don't care if he knows or how it affects him. My father didn't have a clue about what to do with a small child after my mother died. I hardly remember him at all from those earliest years. After he remarried, it was pretty obvious that my stepmother didn't want me around either. They shipped me off to a military boarding school when I was eight, and that's where I lived until I went to the academy. I suppose I should be thankful that my father made a choice that fit my own plans or maybe those schools formed my plans, I don't know. And I don't care. I mean, outside of very expensive tuition and a new car every other year, I've had very little contact with my father." Lee laughed. "I did like the new cars and there's a lot of money, if I ever want it."

"And your mother? Do you remember her at all?"

"I have dim memories, and I think she was wonderful." Lee smiled. "I was just four when she died, so my memories are pretty fuzzy."

"Tell me about her," Harry encouraged.

"She was beautiful," Lee said. "I remember hearing people tell her that. She had long black hair that curled all down her back and shoulders, and big brown eyes and the most perfect teeth, and I remember that she laughed all the time. We played silly little games and she laughed a lot. I guess those are my strongest memories of her -- her wonderful happy laugh and how I used to sit on her lap for hugs and play with her silky hair. Oh, and how good she smelled."

"It sounds like you look like her, that you inherited her beauty," Harry commented.

"I don't know about that," Lee mumbled, feeling embarrassed, "but apparently I do favor her. I hope so, anyway."

"How'd she die?" Harry asked gently.

"She drowned during a family outing at the beach. Her death seems to be the beginning of the rift between my father and me."

"Why would you think that? You were a little boy."

"Well, apparently I was playing in the surf -- I've always loved the ocean -- and went out a little too far and mother went out to get me. Somehow, she got caught in the undertow. It's all fuzzy in my mind, but I recall my father charging out to help us, and somehow he grabbed me but couldn't reach her."

"I'm sorry," the Admiral said.

"Me, too," Lee whispered and shook his head.

"Anyway, after that, it was almost like I was an orphan."

"Perhaps your father was mourning. Some people don't deal with death very well," Harry commented.

"Maybe, but no matter what his motivation was, the bottom line is that he abandoned me, and I'll always hate him for that."

"And your stepmother?"

"Harry, my stepmother either doesn't like kids at all, or she didn't like me. She also never had a thought independent from my father. If she has feelings for me at all, she's never expressed them. Sir, the Navy is my family. Even when training was so hard I didn't think I could do it, I never stopped trying because I knew the Navy expected me to succeed. I took up boxing as an outlet for my anger, so it wouldn't control my life. My goal was to be the best naval officer in history because there was nothing else in my life -- until you. Harry, please believe that you're the most important thing in my life. I don't want to go back to being just another naval officer. I don't want to be lonely again. I want to be the captain of your boat, but I'd rather be the captain of your heart."

"I needed to know how you truly felt." Harry squeezed Lee's hands. "You want to tell me how Leland Jefferson Crane, Jr., became Lee Nelson Crane?"

"How'd you know?"

"Lee, I've read your personnel file and all the information regarding your security clearance. I know the change is legal; I'm just curious."

"In my teens, I wanted to get as far away from my father as I could, but found I couldn't let go of my name. I'd always been Lee Crane and that's what I wanted my legal name to be. I had to get out from under the ungodly burden of being Leland Junior. My mother's parents had gone to the effort of arranging for me to inherit the family money before they died, so I took their name, my mother's maiden name, for my middle name. I did it as soon as the law allowed and before I knew you, much less fell in love with you." He looked at Harry. "I could drop the Lee and call myself Nelson Crane."

"That might be a little obvious, don't you think?"

"Probably. So what about your family?"

"There's only Edith and she's known about us for years, as you know. There'll be hell to pay when she finds out she wasn't included in our plans. You're going to have to be very charming to talk your way out of this one."

"Me? She's your sister, why do I have to charm her?"

"Because she'll let you get away with things that she'd never let me get away with." Harry laughed, "So you tell her why we decided to get married on the *Seaview*."

"Okay, okay, I'll handle Edith. Anyone else?"

"No, Edith and I are the only ones. Our parents are dead and neither one of us has been married, so no children."

Lee relaxed. "So that solves the family problems. However, under the friends heading, we could be in big trouble when Charlie and Lloyd find out we had a wedding ceremony without them. They'll insist on a party."

Harry laughed, "And an orgy as well."

"No kidding. And since you've elected me to tell Edith, I think you should tell them." Lee watched Harry for a moment. "You know, it's been ten years since that night in Hawaii. We could be getting married on our anniversary. No one could argue with us over that and we're the only ones who'll know it's not the exact date."

"I could slow *Seaview* to a crawl, taking us longer to get home, so we could make it the exact date."

"I don't think it's necessary. We'll know the dates, but romantics like Edith and Charlie and Lloyd will believe us when we tell them we thought it was important to us to be married on the anniversary of the night we became lovers." Lee smiled.

"And you're not a romantic?" Harry said, a twinkle in his blue eyes.

Lee leaned across the desk and dropped a kiss on Harry's lips. "We'll still have to tell them, but this way's easier." He stood and headed for the door.

"Where're you going?"

"It's my watch. I'll be in the control room if you get lonely."
* * * * *

Later, in his cabin, Lee again stared at a blank sheet of paper. The floor was littered with crumpled pages he had thrown in frustration. He wanted to include a vow of fidelity, but his history with Harry wasn't limited by monogamy, at least not physically. Maybe he could pledge spiritual fidelity. Before he could crystallize his thoughts into coherent vows, his mind was flooded with memories of Harry's sexual needs. Lee's face flushed at the still-vivid memories of Harry's search for his own answers, and how much their relationship was affected in the process.
* * * * *

Thu 24 Apr 58
San Francisco, California

Lee had been at sea for three weeks testing the program he had written for the fail safe system. When the *Andrew Johnson* had docked in Alameda, it was mid-morning and he was eager to see Admiral Nelson, who was waiting for him in San Francisco. The Admiral wanted to review the test results before Lee wrote and submitted his final report.

As he packed his personal items and slipped the last of the papers into his briefcase, the intercom buzzed. "Commander Crane?"

"Crane here."

"Admiral Gibson wants to see you in his office before you leave the base."

Lee suppressed a groan and answered, "Please tell the Admiral that I'll be there in about half an hour." Snapping his briefcase shut, Lee knotted his tie and pulled on his uniform jacket. He hoped the meeting would be short because he was anxious to see Harry. They had not seen each other since Christmas, four months earlier, and their brief phone conversations had consisted of too many arguments. The Admiral had the wild idea of adding a third partner to their private lives and Lee wanted no part of it. He was afraid that when he faced Harry, there would be a real knock-down-drag-out and he wasn't interested in fighting with the Admiral, only in loving him.

Ever since Christmas, when they had played games in the bar in D.C., the Admiral had seemed obsessed about repeating the events. However, this time he wanted to watch Lee actually make love to another man. It was the subject of every conversation, which meant a quarrel every time they talked. Lee was having trouble dealing with his own feelings for Harry, and certainly did not need the complication of a third party.

After leaving the sub, Lee made arrangements for a car and driver from the motor pool for use in San Francisco and stowed his duffel bag in the trunk. Then, briefcase in hand, he made his way to Admiral Gibson's office.

"Commander Crane reporting as ordered, sir."

"Commander Crane, please come in." The Admiral stood behind his desk. "At ease. Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, sir, thank you." Lee accepted the cup.

"I understand you're the man who wrote the program that we just tested on the *Andrew Johnson*."

"Yes, sir. It was my project."

"I'd like a complete report, Commander."

"I'm sorry, sir, but my report's not finished. I'm scheduled to meet with Admiral Harriman Nelson in San Francisco this afternoon to discuss the results, and I'll finish my report after I meet with the Admiral, sir." Lee glanced at his watch.

"What's Nelson got to do with this program? He's not active Navy anymore."

"Admiral Nelson took a strong interest in the project last December when he was in Washington. He helped correct some of the problems and assigned himself the role of my mentor. He's watched over my shoulder ever since." {And driven me nuts.}

"Commander, I want a full briefing before you leave this base." Gibson sounded unnecessarily hostile.

"Admiral, that puts me between conflicting orders from superior officers. Perhaps you and Admiral Nelson can discuss this by telephone and I can brief you both at the same time."

"Mister, Nelson is no longer regular Navy and you are. When I give you an order, I expect you to obey it. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir. May I please have your permission to call Admiral Nelson and tell him I'm going to be late for my meeting with him?"

"Very well, if you insist." Gibson refilled his coffee cup and pointed to the phone on his desk.

Opening his briefcase, Lee found the slip of paper with the hotel address and phone number. He waited on the line while the operator placed the call. "Three twenty five, please." Listening while it rang, Lee wondered what else would go wrong today.

"Hello."

"Admiral, sir, this is Commander Crane."

"Yes, Lee, where are you?"

"In Admiral Gibson's office, sir. He wants to be fully briefed on the test run."

"But your report isn't complete and he's not on the list to review it at this level. What the devil's he doing?"

"Yes, sir, but the Admiral wants --"

"It might take a while to circumvent Admiral Gibson and that would delay you further. So brief him, but limit what you say."

"Yes, sir."

"And that means you won't be here until later?" Harry's voice dropped to silky softness.

"Much later, sir."

"Is Gibson in the room with you?"

"Yes, sir, he is."

"And not very happy that you want to dodge him to see me?"

"That's correct, sir."

"And you want to be here with me now, don't you, laddie?"

"Yes, sir, very much."

"And all the while you're briefing Gibson, you're going to be thinking about my hands on your body? About what I can do for you, about my lips on yours, my mouth on your --."

"Yes, sir," Lee interrupted, his palms sweating.

"Am I tormenting you, laddie?"

"That's correct, sir."

Chuckling, Harry continued, "And you're tormenting me, too. Just hearing your voice does me in. I'm lying in this bed ready and waiting for you. I'd planned to order lunch from room service so we could be alone and now I'm not going to see you until when?" Harry's voice was husky.

"Unknown, sir. I suggested that I brief you both at the same time, but Admiral Gibson doesn't want to wait." {Why are you trying to drive me crazy?}

"Neither do I, laddie, and I'll bet my needs are more urgent that his."

"I do hope so, sir." Lee took a deep breath as he envisioned his lover spread-eagled on the bed, hot and hard for him. Lee held himself ramrod straight and ordered his body not to respond to Harry's words.

"I guess this is my punishment for all the times you've had to wait on me."

"It would seem so, sir."

"All right, laddie, I'll wait. But I'd appreciate it if you'd hurry."

"I'll do my best, sir. I'll call you when I'm finished here and tell you what time to expect me."

"Fine, I'll wait for your call. We still have that other matter to discuss. You know, about the bar?"

"Yes, sir." There was definitely going to be a quarrel.

"And Lee...."

"Yes, sir?"

"Tell that son of a bitch Gibson to go screw himself." It was a cold, hateful statement.

"Yes, sir." Lee sucked air into his lungs. "Good-bye, Admiral." Lee hung up the telephone and turned to face Admiral Gibson. "Thank you, sir. Admiral Nelson sends his regards." {I don't know what your game is, Harry, but I'll get you for this. I don't want to be caught between you and Admiral Gibson.}

"I'll bet he did! And I still want to know why Nelson is involved in this top-secret project." Gibson snorted.

"After my meeting with Admiral Nelson in December, he scheduled a conference with Admiral Nimitz, Admiral Rickover, and Senator Kennedy, where I was given my orders."

"Those people aren't real Navy, Commander. Nimitz is a retired hasbeen who doesn't know when to get out of town, Rickover's a crazy pain in the ass, and Kennedy's a rich spoiled kid who couldn't even follow Navy orders when they were given to him. Why are you taking orders from them?"

"Sir, with all due respect, the admirals' stars looked real to me, and, sir, Mr. Kennedy has announced his plans to run for President. If elected, he will be my commander-in-chief. I don't make a habit of disobeying the orders of my superiors, Admiral." Lee steeled himself for a long afternoon.

"That rich young upstart is not going to be President, Commander. Richard Nixon will take his rightful place in the White House and you might find yourself involved in a serious investigation if you don't change the company you keep."

"Yes, sir. Could we get on with the briefing?"

The coffee soured in Lee's stomach; a bad day was getting worse. All he wanted was to be in Harry's arms, in Harry's bed, and preferably, in Harry. Unfortunately, he knew that dream was impossible until he could change Nelson's mind about the three-way sex experiment.
* * * * *

Long hours later when Lee finally arrived at the Roosevelt Hotel, it was dark outside. He gave his name at the desk and a bellhop took his bag and showed him the way to the suite. As always, the Admiral had found a wonderful place for them to stay. This one was decorated in the era of the nineteen twenties and was charming. Inside the suite, the rooms were irregularly shaped and looked the most unlike hotel rooms of any place they had stayed. The living room furniture was quaint, the beds were large four-posters, and the big bathtub sat up on clawed feet.

The bellhop departed and Lee opened his arms to his lover. "I didn't think I was ever going to get here." Pulling Harry's mouth to his, Lee hoped to make up for the long empty nights since he had last seen the Admiral.

"I'm glad to see you, too," Harry gasped.

"It's late and I'll bet you're hungry." Kissing Harry again, Lee said, "And I could use some food as well."

"I want to hear all about your day with Gibson. I'm sure it must have been unpleasant. I'll order dinner from room service while you relax and change."

"Yes, sir. The truth is I haven't eaten all day, I'm tired, and Admiral Gibson is a royal pain in the ass."

"Okay, you shower and I'll order. What do you want to eat?" Nelson picked up the menu from the telephone table in the suite's living room area.

"Preferably you, but I'll settle for steak or prime rib, rare, and a lot of it. I'll need my strength for later." He turned towards the bathroom, then added, "How about a nice wine?"

An hour later, Lee poured the last of the dark red Bordeaux into their glasses. "That was wonderful, Harry, and I must say it's pleasant to have these quiet moments with you."

"And rather unusual, too. You usually rip my clothes off the minute we're alone." Harry smiled and his blue eyes were very bright.

"It was a bad day, right from the start. You know, one of those where everything goes wrong." Lee ran his hand over his face, then sipped from his glass. "And I still have a long report to write."

"We'll review your data tomorrow and finalize your report. You do good work, laddie. Don't let windbags like Gibson intimidate you. We'll finish it and then have a few days to spend together."

"And nights?"

"And nights," Harry agreed as he reached across the table for Lee's hand. "Have you given any more consideration to my suggestion?"

Lee jerked his hand back and stood suddenly, knocking his chair over. Frowning, he righted the chair and walked to the window, his wine glass gripped in his hands. "You mean that stupid idea about picking up a stranger in a bar?"

"I mean the idea of adding variety to our sex life by experimenting with a third party," Harry said calmly.

"Admiral, sir, I haven't seen you in four months, I've had a really rotten day, and all I want to do is crawl into bed with you. But I don't want to crawl into that bed and find some guy I don't know, and I don't want to argue about it." Lee drained his glass.

"Lee," Harry's voice was soft, "why're you so afraid of this idea?"

"I'm not afraid, I'm just not interested." He twisted the empty glass in his hand. "Why're you pushing me so hard?"

"Because I found that watching you interact with other men stirred some strong feelings in me and I want to explore them. I want to see how exciting it'd be to watch you make love with another man."

"Admiral, I'm not one of your damned experiments. I don't like being treated like a rat in a maze and I don't want to perform for you because of some bizarre curiosity you have. Now, can we just drop it?"

"You're angry."

"You're goddamn right, I'm angry." Lee hurled his empty glass across the room. "Why are you doing this?"

"Aren't you curious about how it would feel to make love to two men at the same time?" Harry's voice was driving Lee crazy.

"I know how it feels!" Lee yelled. "You want to hear about all the men I've had? You want me to tell you how it feels to be fucked by half a dozen guys, one right after another, until walking is almost impossible? Do you want me to tell you about every man who fucked me in those months after you walked out on me in Honolulu? In those long empty months when I couldn't find you?"

"You've never been willing to share that pain with me. You know I'll listen when you want to talk about it." Harry stood by the table, watching Lee.

"I don't want to talk about it! Ever! It's ugly and disgusting and I never want to think about it again! It was mindless, meaningless fucking. And now you want to draw me back into that sleazy world."

"No, Lee, that's not what I want. I want to expand our horizons of possibilities. I want to explore all the levels of our relationship. And I want you to confront some of the darker areas of your past."

"Now you want to play shrink." Lee leaned against the wall. The air was warm and still in the room and his head was spinning.

Walking towards Lee, Harry held out his hand. "I think this is important, but I think we should put off talking about it until morning. Let's go to bed."

"I don't want to talk about it in the morning. How can I convince you that I don't want to do this? I want you to understand that what we share, what I have with you, an emotional relationship that can be expressed sexually, is the most important thing in my life. I don't understand why you don't realize how important our relationship is, and I certainly don't understand why you want to fuck it up by bringing in some stranger."

"Lee, you're shouting."

Taking a deep breath, Lee stepped away from Harry's offered embrace. Quietly, he said, "Admiral, sir...." He couldn't voice the I love you that was foremost in his mind. As the panic rose in his throat, the words came out in a rush. "You're the most important thing in my life and I don't want anything to change that, but I can't do what you're asking me to do."

Without looking at Harry, Lee dashed out the door. Running for the stairway, Lee took the steps two at a time feeling like he was pursued by a demon. By the time he reached the lobby level, he was breathless. He wanted to run, flat out and hard until the pain ceased to matter, but it was dark and he didn't know the area around this hotel.

As his breathing calmed and his mind cleared, he slipped his hand in his pocket. No wallet. No room key. At least, he had dressed after his shower but had not put anything back into his pockets.

Quiet piano music was coming from the hotel bar, so Lee made his way in that direction. Not ready to face Harry or Harry's wild ideas, Lee found a booth in a dark corner, ordered a double scotch and a package of Marlboros and tried to organize a reasonable argument to deter his stubborn lover.

Three drinks and too many cigarettes later, Lee had not figured out what to do. He was so tired, he wished he could just lay his head down on the table and go to sleep.

"Jesus, Lee, this was the absolute last place I thought you'd be." Harry slipped into the booth. "How much have you had?"

"Not enough." Lee withdrew another cigarette as he waved his glass at the bartender.

Harry took the cigarette from Lee's shaking hand, lit it, then drew on it before handing it to Lee. Lee drew a lungful of smoke and held it. "Are we going to fight in public?" he asked as he released the smoke.

"If you're upset enough to guzzle booze and smoke, no, we aren't going to argue." Harry looked up as the waiter set down a fresh drink. "I think we should go upstairs. We have two bedrooms, so you don't even have to sleep with me."

"You don't want to sleep with me?" Lee looked up, startled.

Harry laid his hand on Lee's thigh. "That isn't what I said. Of course, I want to sleep with you, but you're wound up like a clock and I didn't realize how tense you were. I picked a bad time to discuss a difficult subject."

"There's no good time to discuss your subject. Promise me, no more talk about picking up strangers in bars." He drank half the glass.

"Easy, Lad, that's a lot of alcohol. I don't want to carry you upstairs." Harry moved his hand to Lee's inner thigh.

"Promise me, Admiral." Lee inhaled more smoke, then held the cigarette to Harry's lips.

"Okay, Lee, I promise. Now, shall we go upstairs?" Harry's hand continued exploring. "You're going to make me work for it tonight, aren't you?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do." Lee stubbed out the cigarette and leaned back, trying to relax.

"I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I haven't found you hard for me. Even when you're angry, you're hot for sex. Why is tonight so different?" Harry signaled the waiter.

"I'm tired of arguing with you. It seems lately we argue every time we talk." Draining the last drops from his own glass, Lee reached for Harry's untouched drink.

Harry signed the check, stood, and pulled Lee out of the booth. "Come along, sailor, time to go home."

As Lee stood, the liquor hit him and he swayed against the Admiral. "Oh, my."

"Oh, my, indeed, laddie."

Shaking his head, Lee tried to stand on his own, but was dizzy. Leaning against Harry, Lee felt safe when his lover wrapped an arm around him for support. Upstairs, Harry sat Lee on the bed and removed his shoes, socks and shirt. Pushing Lee down, Harry removed the rest of the clothes.

"You okay?"

"The room's spinning."

"I don't wonder. Put one foot on the floor. Just relax, I'll only be a minute."

Lee closed his eyes and listened as Harry moved around the room, closing doors, running water, sliding a drawer open, dropping his clothes on the floor. They were all normal sounds of people getting ready for bed, but he and Harry were not *normal* people.

As a wave of blackness washed over Lee, he reached out and pleaded, "Harry, love me. Harry?"

Harry quickly joined Lee on the bed and cradled him in a tight embrace. Harry cupped Lee's soft genitals and soothed, "I'm ready, but you're not."

"Hold me," Lee whispered.

"You're trembling. Are you cold?"

"Just need you, need you so much." Lee wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled their mouths together.

"I know. It's my fault. I read your mood wrong earlier. When you came in and didn't rip my clothes off the way you usually do, I thought you needed some space."

"I did," Lee mumbled.

"No, laddie, you needed to be ridden hard and put away wet. I was just surprised because I've gotten used to the way you greet me and I misjudged your needs this time. And now you've dumped all that alcohol and nicotine in your system and I'm going to have to work it out."

"I think I was hiding." Lee wiped his hand over his face, his thoughts fuzzy.

"No, Lee, you were punishing yourself. You punish yourself when you run, when you work out, and tonight, when you drank. You deny yourself sexual release until the tension builds to an explosive force."

"I don't want sex with anyone but you. Nothing satisfies me but being with you." Lee snuggled closer in Harry's arms.

"Right now, I'm not sure you want sex with anyone. And it's not just the alcohol. I've seen you perform admirably with more booze in you than this. There's something else wrong."

"Don't know. Kiss me."

Turmoil swam in the liquor in Lee's mind, confusing the anger and fear and frustration and his love for Harry. As Harry's mouth closed on his, Lee knew that it was the love that was going to cause the most problems.

Turning into Harry's embrace, Lee stopped thinking and allowed his heart to feel. Strong hands caressed his back, a demanding mouth bruised his lips, and Harry's hardened column of flesh stabbed his belly. Lee responded, pushing himself closer to his lover, taking possession of his lover's mouth, and feeling hot blood expand his cock. {I love you, old man, and I might as well prove it. Maybe someday you'll love me, too.}

"That's better," Harry gasped between kisses.

"You always make me better." Lee's movements were frantic.

"Shhh, Lee, easy," Harry purred as he caressed Lee's body. "It's all right. Slow down." He moved down to take Lee's cock in his mouth.

Twisting and bucking, Lee cried, "Want you, need you. Harry, I need you inside me."

"I'll get there, laddie, but I want you ready for me. You're tied up in knots. I wish I'd put your cock ring on you." Harry ran his tongue across the top of Lee's cock.

"I don't need a damn cock ring," Lee cried.

"Didn't say you did. I just like the way it looks on you, all shiny and gold in your black curls." He engulfed the hard column of flesh.

"Need you, oh God, Harry, I need you. I need your love."

"What do you want tonight?"

"Your cock, Harry, your cock."

"Hard and fast or long and slow?"

Shaking, Lee chewed on his fingers. "I want you long and slow. I need to feel you inside me soon or I'm going to go crazy."

Harry reached over Lee to the bedside table, before tapping Lee's hip. "Lift." Then Harry rubbed warm oil over Lee's groin, caressing the sensitive flesh. "You've had so much alcohol, you should be relaxed enough to take my fist." He slipped a finger into Lee's body. "But you're still too tight for me." He squirted more oil on his fingers and inserted two fingers, moving them in and out steadily.

"Now, Harry."

"What? No, *please* tonight?"

"Please," Lee whispered and wished asking for Harry's heart was as easy.

Harry raised Lee's hips and positioned himself. "Open for me, laddie. Take me. Take all of me."

Lee arched his back and welcomed the intrusion. Harry filled his body, his heart, his mind, and his world. His thoughts totally focused on his connection with Harry's body and thrilled to the demanding heat. Nothing made him feel as wanted as when Harry took him, dominated him, owned him. Moments after Lee felt the hot fluid gush inside his body, Harry's hand moved rapidly and knowingly over Lee's cock and brought him to climax.

As Lee relaxed, he mumbled, "Hold me. Please hold me." The last thing he felt was Harry's strong arms wrapped so tightly that nothing bad could even get close.
* * * * *

Fri 25 Apr 58
San Francisco, California

"Wake up, laddie," Harry whispered as he sprinkled kisses on Lee's face.

"Ummmm," Lee raised his arms over his head. "Go 'way."

"Time to get up. The morning's almost gone."

Struggling to sit up, Lee groaned, "Not so loud."

Harry helped move the pillows so that Lee could prop himself against the headboard, then picked up a glass from the nightstand that was full of thick red liquid and stalks of celery. "This should help."

"Christ, was I drunk last night." He held his head in his hands.

"Yes, you were. Now drink."

"That looks dangerous. Should I trust you?" Lee stared at the glass through partially opened eyes.

"Hair of the dog, laddie. You have work to do and I don't intend to let you waste our time together nursing a hangover." Harry held the glass to Lee's lips.

"Jesus, Harry," Lee sputtered as he tried to swallow. "You make this by yourself or did you have help?"

"The bartender recommended the extra Tabasco to help focus your attention. The raw egg is fast protein. Drink it all, then we head for the swimming pool."

"Swimming?" Lee's head was spinning as he tried to drink more of the Bloody Mary.

"You know I hate to run and we've got to work the poison out of your system. Do you have any idea how much alcohol you consumed last night? Not to mention the cigarettes." Harry ran his fingers down Lee's face. "And since I'm to blame for your being upset, it's up to me to get you back on your feet."

"What time is it?"

"After ten."

"My body feels like I've been run over by a truck and my brain's buried in quicksand." He forced more liquid down his throat. "This is terrible."

"But it works. Old sailor's cure." Harry stood and walked to the end of the bed. "I've been through your notes and I think we can dictate your report this afternoon. I'll messenger the tapes out and we'll wait for the typed copy. Once that's done, we should be free for a couple of days."

Lee emptied his glass and struggled to stand, then waited for the room to stop spinning. "Do we have coffee?"

"Yes. Would you like a shower before we go to the pool?"

Lee stretched his aching body and did a few slow limbering exercises. "No, just the coffee."

"Maybe I'll just have you exercise here in the room and then I'll take you back to bed."

"You're a dirty old man, Admiral," Lee muttered as he stumbled to the bathroom.
* * * * *

Reading over the documents one last time, Lee was satisfied that everything was correct. He slipped all the papers into a pouch, then knocked on the closed bedroom door. "Admiral, the courier's here. Will you inspect and sign off on the documents?"

"Good evening, Chief," Nelson said as he came into the room wearing a dark blue silk robe over dark pants. "Sorry to keep you so late."

"Just doing my job, sir," the chief replied.

"Sir," Lee said as he handed Nelson the folder. "The punch cards are on file at the base, one sealed copy in the custody of Admiral Gibson as per your orders, and this copy is for Washington."

Nelson smiled, "And how did Gibson take to that?"

"Not very well. He was screaming so loudly that I had to put the phone down on the table. I do wish, sir, that you'd leave me out of your conflicts with your fellow officers." Lee did not know why the two men did not like each other, but their animosity was clear.

Nelson scanned the pages, signed the top sheet, then closed and sealed the folder, and handed it to the Chief. "Top priority, next flight out."

"Yes, sir."

He saluted and left. Lee closed and locked the door. "I didn't intend to take so much time, but my brain was mush."

"It's done and it's a good job. You never do anything less." Harry slipped his robe off his shoulders. "Would you like to go out to dinner?"

"I thought you hated those jeans?" Lee stared at the bulge prominent in the denim pants he had given Harry for Christmas.

"You said I had to break them in, so I've been working on them. I can actually sit down now and still breathe."

"You're planning to take me to dinner in public wearing those jeans?"

"I think I owe you something for last night."

Stepping the short distance into Harry's arms, Lee ran his hands across Harry's groin. "At this rate we won't get out of this room," Lee mumbled as he took Harry's mouth.

Panting, Harry added, "I thought we'd go to dinner, then maybe dancing. It's Friday night."

Lee tensed. "You promised not to mention that again."

"What? Dancing? I thought you liked to show me off in public and I thought you liked to dance with me."

"You're still thinking about picking up some guy in a bar, aren't you?" Lee tried to pull away, but Harry held on tightly.

"No, actually I'm trying to make up to you for causing you such stress. I hated to see you drunk and miserable last night. I'm used to a much different reception from you when we haven't seen each other for a while."

"No strangers in bars or in our bed? No games?"

"Not unless you want it to happen."

"I don't." Lee stared into deep blue eyes.

"Then the subject is closed."

Dropping a kiss on Harry's mouth, Lee asked, "What do you have in mind for dinner or do you want me to take care of this first?" Lee fondled Harry's erection through the cloth.

"I would like very much for you to take care of me, then we'll go anywhere you want."

Harry was breathing hard as Lee led him back into the bedroom.
* * * * *

The bar, Flutterbys, was dark and crowded, but Lee spotted an empty booth along the back wall. This was different from the places he had experienced before as it was clean, expensively furnished, and reportedly had private rooms in the back with hot tubs. He liked the good ventilation, the flickering candlelight, and the pianist playing romantic music.

They had lucked into this place at the recommendation of their cute blond waiter at the restaurant where they had dined. The restaurant, which Harry had picked from a tourist guide book, had been quiet and tastefully expensive, and their waiter, John, had been overly helpful and friendly from the moment he and Harry were seated.

Lee had been flattered and amused by the admiring glances and smoldering looks from John, and it didn't take an Einstein to recognize a kindred spirit. Finally, towards the end of their delicious meal, Lee had mentioned to John that they were visitors to the city, and asked where a couple would feel comfortable dancing. John had recommended Flutterbys as one of the best in town. From the looks of the place, it was exactly what they needed.

As he and Harry settled into the booth, a waiter appeared to take their orders. "Scotch," said Harry.

"Oh," Lee paused, "I think I just want club soda with a twist." After the waiter left, he continued, "Wine with dinner on top of last night's binge is enough for me."

"You want a cigarette?" Harry asked as he lit one for himself.

"No. You know I don't like those damn things."

"That didn't stop you last night."

"I'd just as soon forget last night," Lee smiled, "well, most of it anyway." He took Harry's hand and kissed the palm. "I hate wasting a night with you."

"I wouldn't call it wasted, just not used to its full advantage. We can make up for it tonight."

The waiter set glasses on the table and Lee picked his up and offered a toast: "To no more wasted nights."

Harry clicked his glass against Lee's and smiled. "The music's nice. Would you like to dance?"

Lee slipped out of his jacket and stood up, then held out his hand to Harry. "Yes, very much."

On the dance floor, holding Harry close by cupping his ass, Lee let all the built-up tension flow out of him. Here, like this, with the music flowing all around him, and Harry in his arms, Lee could forget all the world's restrictions, all the ridiculous reasons he and his lover could not be together all the time. He could forget that the world did not allow two men to love each other.

After several songs, Lee followed Harry back to the table. "I like this place," Lee said as he glanced around the room. "It doesn't have the feel of a meat market."

"I guess there's more demand for the meat market atmosphere because most gay men are looking for a quick release and anonymity. Isn't that what you looked for?" Harry asked as he took Lee's hand.

"Not any more. I'd rather use Mary Palmer and her five kids and think about you if we can't be together. I never liked the bars, but I didn't think there was anyplace else to go for what I needed. At least for what I needed before I found you." Lee signaled the waiter for another round of drinks and spotted a young redhead at the bar. Not surprisingly, in the last few years he had found himself more aware of men with red hair. When the man turned around to survey the room, Lee was surprised at how much the stranger looked like a younger version of Harry.

"What're you staring at?" Harry asked as the waiter set fresh drinks on the table.

"That man at the bar. He looks like you."

"Hmmm ... there is a superficial resemblance. You want to invite him over?"

"No. I was just surprised at how much he looks like a younger version of you." Lee turned his attention to his glass of club soda and then to Harry. "Ready to dance again?"

"Would you mind if I took a few minutes to smoke a cigarette?"

"Go ahead."

Lee watched Harry as he played with the cigarette. He wished that Harry didn't smoke, but he always found himself watching Harry's mouth anytime he had a cigarette. Harry's mouth was so beautiful, lips soft and full, and they felt so wonderful anywhere they touched Lee's body.

"Is there anything special you'd like to do tomorrow? Ball game? Museum? Ballet? There seems to be so many things to do in this city." Harry sipped his scotch.

"I haven't really thought about it. There was work to do and we'd had a disagreement and I just didn't think about anything else. Well, other than making love to you. I think about that all the time."

Harry blushed. "I know. But it might be fun to do something else while we're here."

"I don't really follow any particular team, but maybe we could find a baseball game. It is spring and baseball is always part of spring."

"That might be fun. We can check with the concierge."

"Mind if I sit down?"

Lee looked up to see the redhead he had spotted earlier. "I was just getting ready to ask Harry to dance."

"You could dance with me instead. My name's Danny." "Well -- Danny, I'd really prefer --"

"Why don't you dance with him, laddie? It's okay."

"I don't want --", Lee started to explain.

"It's okay, Lee, go on."

Lee pushed himself out of the booth, not liking what he thought Harry was doing. "You promised."

"I'm not breaking my promise. I like to watch you and I can't do that if I'm dancing with you. I'll be along in a few minutes. I promise."

On the dance floor, Danny slipped easily into Lee's arms and they moved to the music. Lee thought he recognized the song but couldn't remember the title. He tried to angle himself so that he could watch Harry, but Danny was a distracting influence.

"I won't keep you from him. I just wanted to say hello and maybe dance with you. You're the most beautiful man in this room." Danny snuggled closer.

"I didn't mean to be rude. It's just that Harry and I have been arguing over something and I didn't want it to come up again." Lee turned them so he could see Harry.

"You couldn't have been arguing about me because we just met," Danny said.

"No. And you do look like him. Well, a younger version of him, anyway. I noticed that when you were standing at the bar," Lee admitted.

"I saw you looking. Does he always like to watch you with someone else?"

"The last time he watched me dance with a guy in a bar, he almost started a free-for-all." Lee saw Harry finish his drink.

"Oh, a little possessive, is he?" {Maybe not possessive enough.}

Lee just wanted Harry in his arms. "No, he's usually not so demonstrative, it was just the first time he'd ever seen me with another man and he didn't like it."

The pianist announced a break and they walked back to the table where Harry had ordered fresh drinks. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it, laddie?" Harry asked as he lit a fresh cigarette.

"It was okay, but I expect to have the next dance with you," Lee stated, hoping this would be the end.

"So, tell me, Danny, you live here in San Francisco?" Harry asked as he took Lee's hand.

"Moved out here a couple of years ago from the end of the world, place called Ardmore, Oklahoma. What a dead end. Men who don't like women can end up dead in places like that. I am what I am and I heard California was a great place, especially San Francisco." Danny lifted his glass to Harry.

"And what do you do?" Harry inquired.

"I'm a student at Cal Berkeley. I discovered a passion for geology, and rocks don't care about my sexual habits. Oil companies use geologists in remote regions where no one asks questions." Danny looked at Lee. "What about you?"

"We're just in town on business. I've never been here before. We were lucky to find this place. I really like it." He sipped his club soda and wondered if he dared drink anything stronger.

"Oh, good, the pianist's back." Danny grinned. "Harry, Lee doesn't really want to dance with me, so would you?"

"Lee?" Harry asked.

"Go ahead. I don't mind," Lee said as he gripped the table's edge, minding a lot. He watched as the two redheads moved across the floor and wondered what Harry had felt watching him out there. Ever since Harry had started talking about another partner in their bed, Lee had been apprehensive and depressed. Why would Harry want someone else? And how could Harry have managed to find another man who looked like a younger version of himself?

Several songs later, Harry and Danny were still on the dance floor together. Lee decided it was time to cut in. When he reached the two men, Harry was laughing, his blue eyes sparkling. "Oh Lee, I'm glad you're here. I need to take a leak, so you dance with Danny."

"Come on, Lee, I won't bite," Danny asked as he moved Lee in time with the music. "He's a charming man. Have you known him long?"

"A while. I just don't seem to be good company tonight, and I'm afraid I've been rude to you. I didn't mean to be." Lee closed his eyes, resigned to the fact that Harry wanted someone else. Maybe the only way to appease his lover was to give him what he wanted, maybe that would set things right between them, and Danny did look like Harry after all. Danny pulled Lee closer and hummed along with the music. Lee let himself float, trying not to think about anything.

When Harry finally reappeared, he tapped Lee on the shoulder. "May I cut in?"

"I thought you'd gotten lost," Lee said.

"No, just looking around. We could take one of the rooms here, if you want."

Stepping away from Danny, Lee answered, "No, sir, I'd rather go back to the hotel."

Danny kissed Harry on the cheek. "Goodnight, Harry, it was a pleasure. And with you, too, Lee. I hope I see you both again soon." He handed Harry a match book. "My number's inside." And he walked across the room to the bar.

"Would you prefer to leave or continue dancing?" Harry asked as he pulled Lee into his arms.

"I'd like to dance with you. I'd like to feel you get hard against me, to know I can turn you on and then take you flying. I'd like everyone here to know we're together."

"I bet you believe I planned this, don't you?" Harry asked as he wrapped his arms around Lee and moved slowly on the dance floor.

"I don't know what to believe. I'm so confused and there's a black fog in my head that's trying to smother me. Always before, just being in your arms made it go away." Lee closed his eyes and buried his face in Harry's soft red hair.

"And now that's not happening. Do you know why?"

"No, not really. I thought it was the idea of picking up a guy in the bar, but you promised you wouldn't and you've never broken a promise to me. Then we came in here, and there was Danny, so beautiful, like you, and I feel like the world is crashing around my feet."

"You're trembling, Lee. Let's go back to the hotel. Maybe take a walk or go for a swim, until I can make the blackness go away." Harry led Lee from the dance floor.
* * * * *

Several hours later Lee was stretched out on the bed, his body relaxed from the workout in the pool with Harry, but his mind was still in turmoil. There was something wrong with him and he did not know what it was or how to correct it.

"Laddie," Harry purred as he settled on top of Lee, their cocks pressed together, "do you know there's no fire in your eyes for me tonight? Has it gone out completely or can I relight it?"

"I feel so strange, Harry, I want you so much and I can't seem to do anything about it. It's like I have no control over my mind or my body."

"I can make you hard and I can bring you off, laddie, but if I can't put that fire, that passion, back in your eyes, you might as well be using your own hand."

"I know, Harry, and if I can't have the passion we've always shared, then I don't want anything." Bleakness washed through Lee like the gloom of a North Atlantic storm. He closed his eyes but the emptiness wouldn't go away.

Harry's fingers touched his face and rubbed his temples. "I need to be in here and the only way I can do that is if you talk to me. Will you?"

"I can try. I want to feel your fingers on my body, tangled in my hair, twisting my nipples, reaching way up inside of me. It makes me feel safe and wanted."

Running his fingers along each ear, Harry promised, "Of course, you're safe. I don't want to hurt you, I want to make love to you."

"I want that, too, Harry, I want you to take me flying so high that nothing else matters."

"We need to get rid of this tension first. Your muscles are so tight I'm afraid you're going to break." Harry sat back, straddling Lee's crotch and took his right hand. "I'll start with your hands and you try to relax for me."

"I'll try. I love the feel of your cock on top of mine. And the weight of your body holding mine to the bed is very reassuring." Lee took a deep breath.

"Think about your cock in my mouth as I swallow your fingers one at a time." Harry took each finger into his mouth as far down his throat as it would go, then released it. Licking and sucking each digit as if it were Lee's cock, Harry worked through all ten fingers. "I see a flash of fire in those brooding eyes of yours. Do you feel it here?" Harry lightly stroked Lee's groin.

"Yes." Lee felt the bright flames in his mind push away the darkness. He pulled Harry down and ravaged his mouth. "Like you were rubbing two sticks together. Now you have to blow on the tiny flame to keep it burning."

Harry chuckled appreciatively. "That's the most suggestive thing you've said tonight. Does that mean you want me to give you a blow job?" Harry leaned down to suck and bite Lee's left nipple. Lee's cock stirred as it always did when Harry's tongue when to work.

"Yes, Harry. But you know what they say?" He paused and Harry stopped to look at him questioningly. "Suck, don't blow," Lee finished smugly, and was gratified when Harry laughed out loud.

The gloom seemed to have been pushed away for the moment. Still straddling Lee, Harry licked and sucked his way down the path from Lee's nipples to stomach to navel, and finally to the crotch. Harry licked the drops of fluid from the head and moved lower to take Lee's testicles into his mouth gently, one at a time. Moving back to the cock, Harry sucked it into his mouth and down his throat while sliding a slick finger into Lee's ass. Lee couldn't stop the moans of pleasure nor could he stop his hands from reaching down to grab Harry's head. Lee's cock expanded in Harry's mouth under the expert manipulations.

"Faster!" Lee suddenly wanted to fuck Harry's mouth hard and fast and rough and realized Harry could read his mood when the sucking grew stronger. A second, then a third finger was shoved into his body and Lee pressed down onto Harry's hand. Harry ground his own rock-hard cock against Lee's leg and swallowed repeatedly when Lee exploded.

Lee felt the last drops sucked from his body, then his cock was released. "I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't last very long, did I?" Lee was exhausted. "And look at you, you're still hard as nails." Lee reached out a hand to stroke Harry's erection where it still rested against Lee's leg.

"Don't worry, laddie," Harry said as he stretched out next to Lee, cuddling him in a tight embrace. "With the stress you've been putting on yourself, it's a wonder you could come at all. We'll do me in a little while. Why don't you try to rest for now."

Lee relaxed in the embrace, feeling very safe. "Just for a minute, Harry, then I'll do you real good."

As he drifted off to sleep, Lee held tightly to the image of Harry's loving mouth sucking him dry, of Harry's hot body driving into him, of Harry's strong arms holding him. The black fog in Lee's dream was filled with dark shapes that floated around taunting him until he wanted to scream, but he was gagged and no sound could escape. His body was suspended in the air and flying creatures slashed at him with sharp talons. Wicked laughter enveloped him like steam from a witch's cauldron. Odors from dirty latrines swirled around him in a steamy mist that stung his eyes and caused his stomach to rebel. Vomit rose in his mouth but couldn't escape the gag and forced its way out his nose. "Bad boy," a voice scolded, "you're a bad boy and you must be punished." Pain wracked his body and he twisted violently to escape.

"Lee, wake up," a voice said from very far away. "Lee, let go, you're dreaming. Can you hear me? Damn it, Lee." Hands on his shoulders shook him roughly.

"Don't punish me. I promise to be a good boy." The darkness whirled and turned gray.

"Lee!" Cold water splashed in his face and dripped down his body, making blood run in tiny streams. "Damn it, wake up!"

Trembling, Lee finally realized he was in Harry's arms. "Are you awake? Talk to me, Lee." Harry's voice was unsteady.

"Harry, I'm hurt, help me." A soft light eased the blackness back to far regions of his mind. "I'm bleeding. Don't let them hurt me any more."

"You're not bleeding, laddie. I had to splash water in your face to wake you. Move up here so I can hold you. Can you tell me about it?"

"Dark, black, pain. Going away. Make it go away, please Harry, make it go away." Lee buried his face in Harry's chest. "My wrists are cut, don't get blood on you."

"Who's hurting you, Lee?"

"Can't see, too dark. Oh shit, I'm going to be sick." Lee struggled to get up and Harry helped him to the bathroom. "Don't hit me. I didn't mean...." His stomach emptied violently and he retched again and again, then waited for the punishment. "Lee, are you awake?" "Can't help it." Warm water was streaming from above when he opened his eyes to see Harry's beautiful blue eyes looking very worried. "Where...?"

"I put you in the shower. I couldn't wake you up. What kind of dream could have such a hold on you? Lee, tell me what's wrong."

"Don't know. It's all so dark."

"Stand still and let me wash you. Look and see that there's no blood. Lee, look at your wrists." Harry raised Lee's arm. "Tell me who's punishing you."

"I don't know, I can't see." Lee was afraid to close his eyes.

"Step out with me so I can dry you, you're shaking." When he was dry and wrapped in a towel, Harry sat him on the bed. "Do you want coffee or a drink? I'll have room service bring something."

"No. I seem to be better. Just water. And you. Don't leave me alone in the dark." Lee tried to hide his fear.

"I won't leave you alone." Harry lit a cigarette and offered it to Lee.

"No. I'll be all right. Could we just sit here together? I can't get the images to form. I don't know what I was seeing or feeling."

"Do you want me to call a doctor?" Harry curled his body around Lee.

"No. Just hold me."
* * * * *

The remnants of the dream haunted Lee throughout the next day as he sat next to his lover at the ballpark trying to keep his mind on the game. Every time he almost focused on an image, fear would grip his heart and push it away. Finally, he fumbled in Harry's pocket for the match book that Danny had given Harry in the bar and tried to focus on another line of thought.
* * * * *

Wed 18 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Lee remembered how easily their love could have died that weekend in San Francisco if fate hadn't intervened. He and Harry had learned so much about themselves and about each other during those days, just like they had things to learn about each other now. It never seemed to get any easier.
* * * * *

Sun 27 Apr 58
Berkeley, California

"You're going to rub the words off that match book," Harry teased as he watched Lee pace the floor. "You can't get Danny out of your mind, can you?"

Throwing the match book with Danny's phone number scribbled on it to the floor, Lee shouted, "I don't want to do this."

Curled up on the sofa, Harry replied softly, "Then don't. No one's asking you to. I gave you my word and I won't break it."

"Then why do you keep reminding me?"

"Because this situation is driving you to distraction. You need to deal with your feelings, one way or the other. You've picked up other guys in bars without this stress. What makes Danny so special?"

"Stop with the innocent routine. You've been bugging me for months about us having sex with a third partner, and now, conveniently, we run into a man who looks like a young Harriman Nelson. I can't believe you didn't arrange it, knowing, the way you always seem to know, how I'm going to react to a certain situation." Lee picked up the match book and stared at the seven numbers written on it.

"If you believe that I could've arranged that meeting, with or without my promise not to, you're developing a paranoia that could be dangerous. Think for a minute, Lee. How could I have arranged an accidental meeting with a stranger when neither of us knew where we were going until after dinner?"

Looking out the window, Lee sighed. "My mind understands that meeting Danny was a coincidence, but my heart is a little more skeptical."

"You still haven't answered my question about why Danny is so special."

"Because he looks like you. When I wrote to Edith after Christmas to thank her again, I asked for more pictures of you. She sent me several and one of them looks a lot like Danny."

"So you want me to be younger, taller, and have green eyes." The Admiral stretched his arms above his head.

"I want you just the way you are, but I want to know all about who you are, what you've done in your life, everything about you."

"Let me see if I have this straight. I want to play a few bedroom games because I think it'll allow us to understand each other better, and that makes me a dirty old man out to destroy the specialness we have. You want to crawl in bed with a younger version of me because you want to know everything about me, and that's perfectly all right?" Harry's tone was no longer teasing.

"I didn't say any of that," Lee threw back, turning to face his lover.

"Maybe not in those words, but it's what you've offered me. Think about it." Harry's voice was softer but not gentler. "If you'd been alone in that bar on Friday night, would you have connected with Danny? Be honest with both of us."

Lee sank down on the carpeted floor and stared at his hands. "I don't know. I was physically attracted to him because he looks like you, but the truth is the only man I want is you. I can't tell you what I would've done if we hadn't been together because I don't know."

"Do you want to find out?"

"Harry, my feelings are confused. Part of me wants to know and part of me is afraid that this is all some ploy on your part to tell me that I'm not satisfying you, that you need more than I can give."

Moving from the sofa to the floor, Harry lifted Lee's chin. "I like to play games. It helps me understand myself, certain situations, and sometimes, it helps me understand you. But I promised you that I wouldn't pursue my wild ideas and I'll not break that promise. If you want to play this game, you must make the decisions, all of them, and understand all the ramifications. If you decide to call Danny, I'll be happy to play; if you decide not to call Danny, I'll abide by my promise. That, in itself, should tell you that you completely satisfy me."

Leaning forward, Harry took Lee's mouth. When his lungs begged for air, Lee pulled back. "When you kiss me like that, I know how you feel."

"But?"

"But I can't get the image of Danny out of my mind and if I want to do this with you, it has to be today because who knows when we'll be together again. And even if we come back to San Francisco, what are the odds of finding Danny again?"

"Does it have to be Danny?"

"I don't know." Lee stood. "I need some air. I think I'll go run and try to clear my head. It usually works." He offered Harry a hand up. "Wanna come?"

"Always, but not while you're running." Harry ran his fingers over Lee's lips. "I'll be here when you get back."

Sweaty and tired, Lee returned to their suite to find the Admiral lost in a large file of documents.

"Okay," Lee announced, "we call Danny."

"Correction ... * you* call Danny. You make the arrangements and you call the shots. I'll do whatever you want, but you must be in control so that if the game turns out badly, you won't blame me." Nelson closed the file. "It's important to both of us."

"I understand." Lee picked up the match book and dialed the phone. "Danny? This is Lee, we met Friday night at Flutterbys."

"The drop-dead gorgeous brunette with the older redhead?"

"Yeah, that's us. We were wondering if you'd like to stop by our hotel this evening?" Lee turned the matches over in his hand. This was more difficult than he had imagined.

"Stop by? For drinks? For dinner? For playtime?"

"Well, drinks and dinner for sure. Anything else, well, could we wait and see what happens?"

"Can I ask a question?"

"Sure," Lee said, the phone wet with sweat.

"Does playtime include you and Harry, or just you?"

"Does it matter?"

"No, I was just curious." Danny's voice was soft and throaty. "Have you done this before?"

"Not exactly." Lee gulped.

"It's okay, handsome. We'll see what happens. Where and when?"

"We're at the Roosevelt Hotel, room three twenty five. Five o'clock for drinks and appetizers."

"Casual?"

"Casual." Lee smiled and hung up the phone. Facing Harry, Lee said, "I need a shower. Want to join me?"

"Don't you want to save yourself for tonight?" Harry offered in a bland tone.

"No, I need you now." Lee offered his hand and pulled Harry up.
* * * * *

Lee felt like a virgin on his first date, only more nervous. Checking his watch and finding that it read four forty-five, he checked the food, then the Chardonnay and the glasses. After a long discussion about attire, Lee had finally decided on their silk robes over pajama bottoms.

The Admiral came into the living room from the bedroom, his briefcase in hand. "Have you removed all identification and military articles from the bedroom? I want everything that could remotely identify us locked in the other bedroom."

"Just waiting for your stuff." Lee took the briefcase.

"This game may be too dangerous."

"I seem to remember telling you that going into a bar in D.C. was dangerous, and you reminded me that patrolling in a submarine loaded with nuclear weapons is also dangerous. We just need to be careful."

Lee stowed all the items in the spare bedroom's closet, then locked the connecting door from the other side and went out into the hallway. Harry opened the suite's door so Lee could get back in.

"Done."

"Relax. Everything looks fine." Harry nibbled on a shrimp from a silver bowl full of ice. Other plates contained cheese and fruit. "The oysters are a nice touch."

A knock sounded on the door and Lee's legs turned to water while panic hammered his heart.

"You can stop this any time you want," Harry assured him with a light kiss. "Now, open the door."

Danny stood, framed in the doorway, dressed in a soft blue shirt over tight Levis. Lee took a deep breath, again shocked at how much the man resembled his lover. "Come in."

"Thanks. This is a nice place. Do you stay here often?" Danny waltzed into the room.

Closing the door, Lee said, "First time. Actually, I think it's the first time we've been in San Francisco together."

"So where're you from?" Danny settled on the sofa.

"I live on the east coast," Lee answered, filling glasses with wine, "and Harry moves around a lot, Southern California, Connecticut, wherever."

"I thought you two were an item."

"We are, but our lives outside rooms like this one take us in different directions." Lee handed glasses to Danny and Harry, then held his up. "To a world where we don't have to hide."

Harry clinked his glass against Lee's and smiled.

"Here, here," Danny chimed as he touched glasses. "So why me?"

Dropping to the floor, Harry made himself comfortable. "You remind Lee of a younger version of myself." He patted the floor and Lee sat down.

"So Lee wants to get it on with a younger you? Seems a bit strange." Danny sipped his wine.

"And maybe I want to watch him," Harry added.

"If you just wanted to pick up some hot young stud, why'd you choose Flutterbys? It's a little pricey."

"We didn't plan on picking up anyone, although we had discussed the idea," Harry continued. "We went to Flutterbys so we could dance, which we did. You just happened to be an added bonus."

"And if I'm not interested?" Danny asked.

"No one's going to tie you to the bed." Lee snagged a shrimp and dipped it in cocktail sauce before he fed it to Harry.

"You always feed each other?" Danny popped a piece of cheese in his mouth.

"Yeah, I guess we do," Lee answered as he took an oyster for himself. "We have so little time together that sharing everything is important."

"Are there any rules for this little gathering?" Danny looked from Lee to Harry.

"Just that whatever we do needs to be special for Lee, to replace some bad memories with good ones," Harry declared. "But anyone can stop it at any time."

"Lee?" questioned Danny.

"I think I'd just like to see what happens, to see if we can flow with this, and go from there." Lee drained his glass and grabbed the bottle to pour refills.

"But you aren't really comfortable with this, are you?" Danny accepted more wine from Lee.

"I'm not sure. I've thought about it constantly since we met you on Friday night and I was afraid if I left San Francisco without seeing you here, I'd never know how I felt. I've never shared Harry before and I'm not sure how much of what I feel is anticipation and how much is fear." Lee wanted another oyster but his throat was too tight to swallow.

Danny stood, removed his shirt, and stepped out of his shoes. "Maybe, Harry, you and I should do something with all of Lee's nervous energy." Dropping to his knees, Danny untied the belt of Lee's robe. "I have to admit that when you called, I was very glad. I wanted to do this the other night."

"Just Lee? Or the pair of us?" Harry asked as he ran his hand across Lee's chest.

"To be honest, at first just Lee, but I watched him with you and if this hunk can look at you the way he does, then I want to know why." Danny untied Harry's blue silk robe.

"I hope I can live up to your expectations," Harry laughed. "Lee, you're trembling. Come here." Harry pulled Lee into a tight hug, then gently eased both their bodies to a reclining position so that Lee was lying between Harry and Danny. While Harry captured Lee's mouth, Danny's hands roamed over Lee's chest, teasing the nipples. Lee closed his eyes, shaking with anxiety. {Dear God, what've I done?} he thought, then forced himself to look.

"Nice attire, guys. Makes this much easier." Danny leaned over Lee's chest. "Harry, lose the robe." He took Lee's nipple in his mouth. Harry sat up to slip the robe off and watched Lee's face. Then Harry positioned himself to take the other nipple in his mouth. Lee was torn between closing his eyes in total ecstasy or keeping them open to watch. He was very glad they were open when he saw the two redheads appraise each other and then lean across his chest until their lips met. Lee had never seen his lover kiss another man and the fire of anger flashed through his body, but before he could react, the two men parted and Danny's mouth descended on Lee's.

With his eyes closed, Lee knew Harry must be watching, and Lee wondered if the scene was affecting his lover at all. Fingers fumbling at the knot to Lee's pajama bottoms, followed by strong hands sliding them down his legs, told Lee that Harry must indeed be caught up in the passion. The next thing Lee felt was the unmistakable mouth that engulfed his cock.

Squirming under the double attack, Lee arched his back, pushing himself into Harry's mouth. Turning slightly onto his side, Lee reached for the zipper of Danny's pants. Harry helped, and working together frantically, they opened the pants and pushed them down Danny's legs, where Harry pulled them the rest of the way off. Danny pressed himself against Lee's side, his hot flesh hard and ready, and took Lee's mouth again.

Lee wanted to scream but could barely draw enough air to breathe when his mouth was released. Danny sucked Lee's nipples, one, then the other, until Lee was squirming. Harry ran his finger tip along Lee's cock. "Tell me what you're feeling, laddie."

"You know exactly what I'm feeling, old man, you've been planning this for months," Lee gasped between the bolts of electric fire hitting his body.

"How can I know unless you tell me?" Harry asked while his tongue lapped at the head of Lee's cock.

"I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to know how I'm going to respond before I do." Lee pulled Danny up to kiss him, then said, "How about you and I doing Harry?"

"Fine by me," Danny answered, "I want to see what he's got that keeps you at home."

Lee kissed Harry as Danny reached for Harry's pants.

"Oh my, yes," Danny exclaimed as he tossed the pajama bottoms towards the sofa. "Nicely hung."

"He is indeed," Lee agreed and smiled at Harry's blush, "and he knows how to use it."

"I'll bet he does," Danny purred. Looking up, he met Lee's eyes. "You got a problem with me playing with your toys?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I watched you kiss him and I handled that." Lee was caught in the depths of Harry's bright blue eyes.

"Sure you're okay, laddie?"

"Yeah. How 'bout you?" Lee asked Harry.

"I'd be better if you'd kiss me," Nelson said.

"Yes, sir." Positioning Harry on the floor between himself and Danny, Lee ran his tongue over Harry's lips before plunging it into Harry's mouth. "You like the feel of me kissing you while Danny's got your cock in his mouth? Feel good, old man?" Lee murmured when he came up for air.

"Ummmmm," Harry replied.

"Good," Lee breathed as he took Harry's mouth again and felt Harry's hands on the back of his neck. Is there anything I won't do for you? Harry was slick with sweat and his body was bucking when Lee sat up and watched Danny stretch his mouth around Harry's thick cock. Lee looked from Danny's face to Harry's face, seeing the pleasure radiating from those blue eyes. Stroking Harry's cheek, breaking the spell, Lee said, "We're neglecting our guest, you know."

"'m fine," mumbled Danny, his mouth full, and his fingers combing through the tight red curls.

"We'd be more comfortable in the bedroom," Lee offered as he reached for his wine glass. "What do you say, Harry? The bed is softer than the floor."

"I hadn't noticed," Harry whispered, as Danny continued his assault between Harry's legs.

Taking another sip of wine, Lee dribbled it over Harry's lips. "Don't want this to end too soon." Lee rose to his knees and refilled all the glasses. Standing, he offered Danny a hand up and then they both pulled Harry to his feet. Lee picked up the glasses and led the way into the bedroom.

"Nice playpen," Danny commented as he took a glass from Lee.

"I don't see Lee as often as I should," Harry commented as he took a glass, "and I try to make up for it when we're together."

"Does that make Lee a free agent?" Danny asked, lowering his red lashes over his green eyes.

Laughing, Lee answered, "No, I'm not a free agent. However, I'm beginning to like being the filling in a redhead sandwich." He pulled the covers to the foot of the bed, leaving a fresh pale blue sheet visible. Taking the glass from Danny's hand, Lee settled the young redhead on the bed and ran fingers down the inside of his thighs. "Soft curls, just like yours, Harry," Lee announced as he continued his exploration.

Settling on the bed on the other of side of Danny, Harry placed his hand on Lee's. "I want to watch you do this. I know what your mouth feels like when you take me but I don't know what it feels like to watch."

Danny gasped as Lee's tongue flickered across his cock.

"Harry, do you need your hands to watch or could you put them to good use?"

"Harry's a multi-talented man, Danny, I think he can pleasure you and watch me at the same time, can't you, old man?" Lee stroked Danny's cock until it was standing tall. "Like this cock, old man? It's a little longer than you and a little thicker than me."

Reaching for Lee's hand, Harry joined the fondling of Danny's groin. "I like the equipment," Harry whispered. "Do you want to feel this inside you, Lee?"

"It's been a long time since I've had anyone but you, Harry, are you sure about this?" Lee slipped a finger inside Danny and watched the green eyes flash with passion.

"Lee has the longest fingers, don't you think so, Danny? Can reach so far inside that you want to scream," Harry purred as he ran his hands over Danny's balls. "And his prick's longer than his fingers," Danny gasped as his own cock was taken into Lee's mouth.

As Lee sucked the eager cock back into his throat, Harry moved up to kiss Danny, leaving the room silent except for heavy breathing. While working fingers in and out of Danny, Lee wondered what it would be like to watch Harry take this younger version of himself. Lee had certainly enjoyed being the target of the two men, although he still had traces of doubt about this arrangement. His thread to sanity was that tomorrow this would be a memory, either bad or good, and hopefully, Harry would have his need for group therapy out of his system.

Hungry for his lover, Lee raised his head. "Harry, will you kiss me?" He leaned forward over Danny's hard body to reach Harry's mouth.

Dropping his hands to Lee's groin, Harry stroked and fondled. "I want to watch you take him."

"You're sure, Harry? If you lose your temper, someone could get hurt," Lee warned.

"Good God, Lee, I'm not going to hurt anyone. I lost my temper in D.C. because I was unprepared for the surge of emotion. I know what I'm feeling right now -- pure lust." Harry's eyes were blazing passion.

Embracing Danny, Lee ran his tongue over Danny's lips. "Open for me?"

Responding, Danny opened his mouth and spread his legs. "I want your cock, all of it."

"Okay. Let's give the old man a show he won't soon forget. On your belly, Danny. Harry, hand me the lube. No, better yet, you get us both ready." Lee sat back on his heels between Danny's legs and watched as Harry coated his fingers and slipped them in and out of Danny's ass. Then Harry turned his attention to Lee's cock until it was shiny in the dim light.

Positioning himself, Lee asked, "Are you ready?"

"Don't you two ever do anything but talk? I'm ready for whatever hot action you can provide." Danny was up on his knees and pushing back against Lee.

"We'll have to teach you the eroticism of words one of these days. Harry can talk you all the way to climax and drive you right out of your mind." Lee slipped into the willing body. Taking his time, Lee established a rhythm of slow steady strokes. "Okay, Danny, I want you to ease down under me until I'm lying on top of you, then I'm going to roll us over to the right side. Stay with me."

"Just don't stop," Danny panted as he followed Lee's movements.

"Now, Danny, lift your left leg straight up in the air so Harry can see everything I'm doing and get his hands on your cock." Lee pushed deeply into the pliant body and used his hands to turn Danny's head so their mouths could meet.

Caressing Danny's genitals, Harry marveled, "Lee's long lean body allows him to wrap himself around you while he fucks you. Nice, huh?"

Watching through half closed eyes, Lee saw Harry swallow Danny's cock and the throat muscles contract as Harry sucked. "Don't let him come yet, Harry, I want you on top of me. Can you handle that, Danny?"

"You guys are driving me crazy, but I don't mind being the bottom man." Danny's breathing was ragged.

"Turn him back onto his belly, Lee, so I can get to you." Harry had two oily fingers in Lee's body before he could move.

"Hot for it, aren't you, old man?" Lee teased as he held himself buried in Danny's body.

"It's been hours and I told you watching you would turn me on." Harry kissed Lee's back. "Danny, are you ready?"

"I've been ready forever, so would you two stop teasing each other and get on with it," Danny replied.

Lee took a deep breath as Harry plunged in. "Set the pace, Harry." Lee shuddered under the first assault, then resumed his rhythm, reaching under Danny to pull him up. One hand around Danny's waist and the other around Danny's cock, Lee leaned back into the pressure from Harry and forward into the tight constriction of Danny's ass. In and out, in and out, until every fiber in Lee's body was on fire. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he could only feel the fierce pounding and the exquisite squeezing. Rushing headlong into a maelstrom, his stomach muscles tightened. "Now, Harry, now."

"Not yet, laddie," Harry growled, "just a little longer. Danny, are you close?"

"Christ, yes. Harder, both of you."

"Can't hold out, Harry, I'm gonna shoot." Lee exploded into Danny's ass, which caused Lee to tighten his muscles around Harry's cock, causing Harry to climax. Lee tightened his hand around Danny's cock, which spurted thick hot cream. Caught between the two men, Lee's body was burning and he sucked hot air into his lungs.

It felt like forever before Harry pulled them onto their sides, their bodies still entangled. "Lee?"

"Ummmmm?"

"Are you okay?" Harry asked.

"I might be, soon," Lee gasped.

"Danny, you still with us?" Harry inquired.

"I think so. I need a cigarette."

"Me, too," Harry laughed and rolled over to the bedside table for his Marlboros. He lit two and handed one across Lee to Danny. "Lee doesn't appreciate a smoke after sex."

"Bad for your endurance, old man," Lee muttered. "If I could move, I'd take it away from you." He lay between the two men and watched their smoke curl towards the ceiling. Doubled pleasure was beyond description. "Maybe we could have dinner and do this again."

"I thought you were only doing this to humor me," Harry said quietly.

"I was, but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, just like you tried to tell me," Lee answered. "What do you think, Danny, can you handle an encore?"

"A little food, a little wine, sure, I can handle it. Do I get to change positions?" Danny chuckled.

"Any one you want," Lee assured him.

"I think I'd like the top. But you want Harry in the middle, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Lee answered as he rolled over his lover, dropping a kiss on Harry's mouth, before heading to the bathroom. "I'll start the shower."

As he put out his cigarette, Danny asked, "Harry, will you kiss me?"

Getting rid of his own cigarette, Harry held out his arms and Danny rolled into them. "You've been a great sport. Come here."

Lee stepped back into the doorway after he started the water and watched the two redheads together. When they broke apart, Danny spoke softly, "This was great and the evening could get better, but you do have a problem."

"What problem?" Harry looked puzzled.

"Either you're blind or just plain stupid if you can't see it," Danny continued.

"See what?"

"It's so obvious. That beautiful Greek god is head-over-heels in love with you, man."

"No, it's not possible." Harry shook his head. "Certainly close friends, maybe favorite teacher --."

"You were his teacher?"

"I was one of his professors at, well, in college. He's as brilliant as he is beautiful and we've worked well together and the sex is terrific, but love -- no, I don't think so."

"I think you're wrong. Did you bring him out?"

"No. I wish I could have, and I certainly wanted to, but I wasn't that sure of his inclinations during our early years. Later, well, he was already out by that time. Anyway, he never really talks about that. Maybe that's why I play games with him. He won't talk about certain areas of his life and I can only probe his mind with my games, but love, well love belongs in the straight world. It's not for people like us." Harry ran his fingers through his hair.

"The other night in the bar, you saw everyone in the place, but Lee only had eyes -- hungry eyes -- for you. I'd give a lot to have someone look at me like that," Danny said as he stroked Harry's face. "You've got what it takes to keep him at home. Just be sure you don't break his heart because there'll always be someone like me to help him pick up the pieces, if you do."

Sitting up on the bed, Harry said, "You better believe I'll be careful. We always shower together because I like to wash him. You want to join us?"

"No, I'll wait. I think you two need a few minutes alone."

Stepping back into the bathroom, Lee got into the shower, closed his eyes and let the water flow over him. He hadn't realized his feelings were so plain that anyone, well, anyone but Harry, could see them. {Dear God, Harry, now what're we going to do?} Fighting for control over the pain ripping through his heart, Lee did not open his eyes until Harry stepped into the shower.

"Where's our guest?" Lee asked.

"He said he thought we needed a little time alone. You know, washing each other is sometimes more intimate than how we got dirty." Harry kissed Lee.

Wrapping his arms around his lover, Lee lost himself in Harry's kiss. "Yeah, I know. Like sometimes kissing is more intimate than fucking. I've heard crewmen talk about hookers who won't allow kissing because they save that for their boyfriends. Weird, huh?"

"I guess, but I like all the things we do together, even the non-sexual ones." Harry rubbed soap onto a wash cloth. "I like washing you. Remember that night in Honolulu when we didn't have a shower and I washed you while you were lying on the bed?"

"And I remember all the nights after that when I had to wash myself." Lee hated the blackness that surrounded him when he thought of those long, empty months.

"Laddie, you're going to have to find a way to deal with those feelings. What's done can't be undone. I can't go back in time and unring the bell. Judging by your mood this weekend, if you don't deal with that pain, with or without my help, it might destroy what we have. I misjudged the situation and your needs. I did that again the other night. It happens. I'd never hurt you intentionally. Do you believe that?"

"I'm trying, but sometimes the depression sneaks up on me and I blame you." Lee wrapped his arms around Harry, holding tightly.

"I wish you'd talk about it."

"I can't, at least not now," Lee stated, unsure why he felt that way.

"Room for one more?" Danny rapped on the open bathroom door.

"Sure," Lee said, "but it'll be very crowded unless I get out."

"Just don't go very far, I've got something I want to discuss with you both." Danny stepped around the curtain.

"Let Harry wash you. He has wonderful hands." Lee kissed Harry and got out to dry off.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Lee walked into the bedroom. The sheets were wet and sticky, so he pulled them off before pulling up the spread. He'd use the sheets from the other bedroom later to remake the bed. Then he selected clothes for himself and Harry from the closet.

When the water stopped, Harry came into the bedroom still drying his hair with a towel. "What'd you have in mind for dinner?"

"I really hadn't planned that far in advance. Danny, where would you like to go for dinner?" Lee stepped into briefs.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'll be right back." Danny went to the living room for his clothes. "While you were in the shower," he continued, returning to the room, "I called some friends of mine, people I think the two of you should meet." He stepped into his pants. "Charlie and Lloyd said that if you'd like to come out to their place, picking up something on the way, we could have dinner with them. I really think you need to meet them."

"Why?" Harry asked, zipping his pants.

"Because you two have something very special, but I don't think you know it, and I don't think you know what to do about it. Charlie and Lloyd can help." Danny buttoned his shirt.

"But who are they?" Lee knotted Harry's tie and dropped a kiss on his mouth.

"They're a couple who live on the hillside above Berkeley. They've been together a long time and they help other queers. I've lived with them for about six months, and I might not have made it without their help and support. I just think it would do you both a lot of good to talk to them," Danny explained.

"Harry?" Lee asked.

Knotting Lee's tie, Harry said, "Fine with me. We should be able to find good Chinese take out."

"Great," said Danny. "Let me call and tell them we're on our way. There's a great Chinese restaurant near the house. I'll have them order and we'll pick it up."
* * * * *

Wed 18 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Lee's memories were interrupted by a voice over the intercom calling his name. He snatched it off its hook at the edge of his desk and replied, "Yes, Admiral?"

"Sorry to interrupt your leisure time, Captain, but I wonder if you could please come to my cabin?" Harry's voice sounded stressed.

"Yes, sir. On my way." Lee stood, vows and memories forgotten and smoothed his hands back over his hair. I wonder what's wrong now.

Moments later, Lee knocked at the Admiral's door.

"Come in."

When he opened the door, Lee could see the Admiral sitting at his desk with a stack of reports and an overflowing ashtray. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yes. Sit down." Harry lit a fresh cigarette. "I just finished a meeting with Fred Wilson. It looks like I'm going to have to fly to Washington as soon as we dock."

Lee's heart dropped to his feet. "But what about us? I mean, we have plans and...." {I want to spend a week in bed with you in some cozy place.}

"Our duty comes first, like it or not. The President wants a full briefing, including all reports of our encounters with the enemy. He needs as much information as we can give him."

"That's not much, sir. We didn't exactly have time to stop and pick up the pieces of the wreckage of that sub and there wasn't anything left of the plane."

"I know, Lee, but this is a difficult time. Mr. Kennedy's death left a big hole. Who knows what the Russians are up to. I mean, I assume it was the Russians trying to stop us, but what if it wasn't? The President needs to know who was trying to stop us."

"Yes, sir, I understand, but do you have to go in person? Isn't there another way?"

The Admiral puffed on his cigarette and stared at the blank television screen in his wall. "Maybe. If we get all the documents compiled, perhaps I can arrange for Fred to take everything to the debriefing."

"Wilson," Lee groaned. "Why does my entire life depend on that man?"

"Fate?" Nelson laughed.

"Okay, okay. Can I do anything to help?"

"I'll make the necessary inquiries to see if I can satisfy the committee this way, and convince Fred he should be the one to go. I need you to plot the courses of all the attacks, and the scenarios necessary to make them work, backtracked to the point of origin, as nearly as you can guess. Any opinion must be supported with data. Fred may be able to help with some of the conclusions once you put your information together. Make arrangements for any computer time you need and necessary manpower."

"Now that I've reviewed the files and interviewed the crew, I know we have some people who can help in the computer area. I think we should be able to do that in three or four days." Lee watched Harry play with his cigarette. "We also need to decide when to exchange our vows. I thought we were going to go over them together and then decide on when." Lee folded his hands on the desk and stared at them.

"Sir, I seem to be having a problem writing mine."

"It's okay, laddie. We still have a week. Shall we decide on a date so we can make some plans? I hope I can convince Fred and the committee in Washington that I don't need to be there."

"Do you have a suggestion, Admiral?"

"If we exchange vows on the morning before we dock in Santa Barbara, then we could make arrangements to have dinner and whatever else once we've completed duties at the Institute. I'd like for you to make sure shore leave is assigned. Mr. Morton can help. Also, I need reports from Damage Control, Engineering, Sonar, and all major departments, so that I can schedule maintenance and know how long *Seaview* needs to be docked."

"And time off, Harry, at least a week. I want a honeymoon."

Harry's face softened. "And you think I don't?"

"I want to explore the California coast and I want to explore your body. I want to make love to you until neither of us can move."

"We can play after all the work is done. You have a pile of work to do, Captain, and not much time to do it. We can't compare vows until you write yours and we won't have time to do anything if those other reports aren't done. And since I have even more work to do than you do, I'm going to give you another order you aren't going to like."

Lee sighed. "Since the only orders you give me that I don't like involve what I want to do to your gorgeous body, what new torture have you devised for me this time?"

"I've been giving a lot of thought to why you haven't written your vows and I think it's because all you think about is right now. I want you to think about the future, particularly your future. I've decided that we aren't going to sleep together again until after we dock."

"No, Harry, please...."

"I'm not sure you understand the long term plans we're talking about, both personal and professional. Keep your pants zipped and your brain in gear. I want you to know in your own mind that this is the right thing for both of us. I need the time to know that, too."

"But why can't I do all that and still make love to you?

"Because I want you thinking with your head. You must understand that just by serving on *Seaview*, your Navy career will stagnate. You have the potential to make admiral early in your career and, at this point, the best I can guarantee you is the rank of captain. Our country needs officers like you and I don't want to be a stone around your neck."

Lee fingered the stars on Harry's shirt collar. "Do these keep you warm at night? Do they hold you or make your heart beat faster or light a fire in your cock?"

Harry shook his head.

"Harry, I've spent too many nights alone to give you up for a little piece of metal."

"That little piece of metal means power and control. It means you can make a difference."

"Don't you think we can make a difference working together on *Seaview*?"

"Maybe. But I want you to understand all the ramifications of your decision."

"Yes, sir." Lee gently kissed Harry's mouth, then left, closing the door quietly.
* * * * *

Fri 20 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Alone in his cabin, Lee doodled stars on the yellow lined pad where he was supposed to be writing his wedding vows. If he followed his heart, he would probably never have stars on his shoulders. He had worked hard all his life for those stars, but they had been a goal for a solitary life, not the life he had envisioned since Harry had promised that they could be together. Every step of their unorthodox relationship had been full of excitement. The long stretches of separation and loneliness could be tolerated because they could occasionally be together, special time in wonderful romantic places. Maybe Lee could not find the words to write his wedding vows, but his head and his heart were in agreement that a life with Harry was the only choice for a happy future.

For a moment Lee feared Harry might be having second thoughts about a permanent commitment, but memories of their time together told Lee that their love was strong enough to withstand any test. The episode in San Francisco six years ago had almost destroyed them, but with the help of men who became good friends, they had managed to put their relationship back together, stronger than before. It was a painful memory, but very much a part of their shared experiences.
* * * * *

Sun 27 Apr 58
Berkeley, California

It was twilight when Lee, Harry, and Danny left the Roosevelt Hotel in San Francisco and headed toward the Berkeley hills. Danny drove through the maze of narrow streets in silence until he was on the bridge headed east. Then he pointed out landmarks like Alcatraz and Treasure Island.

"What about earthquakes?" Lee asked as he saw the lights of houses going uphill on his right and dark bay on his left.

"Not something I worry about, except in the classroom." Danny laughed. "There have been some major ones in this area, but not recently."

"It looks like all these houses would slide down and slip into the water," Lee observed.

"I suppose it could happen, but the houses are well constructed and some of them have been on the hills for a long time." Danny turned right and maneuvered around the residential area until he came to a group of shops, markets and restaurants. The Golden Dragon was brightly lit and apparently very busy as there were no parking places. "I'll drive around the block while you two go inside for the food."

"Harry," Lee said as they waited for the food, "are you sure about this?"

"Actually, I have a very good feeling about Danny, and I think everything'll be fine. Don't worry so much." Harry smiled and managed to touch Lee's hand in the crowded room.

It took another fifteen minutes to get the food and drive up into the hills. Danny pulled into a circular driveway and stopped in front of double doors, which opened immediately. Two men Lee judged to be as tall or taller than himself were framed in the doorway, backlit by the room's light. The taller man rushed out and opened the car door. "The food will be cold," he fussed at Danny, then took the bags of food, bustling back into the house.

"That was Lloyd," Danny explained as he got out of the car. "And this is Charlie," Danny continued as he led the way inside the house.

Once the doors were closed, Charlie shook hands as Danny properly introduced Harry and Lee. "Danny, get over here and help me," Lloyd ordered from the dining table. Danny kissed Charlie, then moved quickly to assist Lloyd.

"Welcome, gentlemen," Charlie smiled toward Lloyd, "I'll introduce you in a moment. Lloyd gets a little fussy about dinner. We have tea to go with dinner, or would like a drink?"

"No, no," Harry answered, "Tea'll be fine."

As Charlie led the way to the table, Lee took in the large living space. From the front door, he could see the dining table in an alcove to his right. The table looked large enough to seat twelve people easily and was made of a dark polished wood. Two walls of the alcove had heavy lace covered windows while the third wall was covered by two large sideboards, containing china and crystal. The table was set for five at the end nearest the door with blue Wedgwood on darker blue place mats. The tea service was decorated in lively Chinese red and looked oddly out of place on the formally set table. Lee was not sure what he expected in this house, but it was not the simple elegance the furnishings presented.

Danny introduced Lloyd, and Lee and Harry each shook hands, then Lloyd directed everyone to sit down. Charlie was at the head of the table, with Harry and Lee to his right and Lloyd and Danny to his left. "I don't mean to rush our new guests, but Chinese food must be eaten while it's hot. Danny, will you pour the tea?"

When everyone had been served, Lloyd lifted his cup and offered a simple toast: "To new friends. Welcome to our home."

"Thank you," Harry answered, smiling at Lee.

Danny opened white boxes and passed them around the table. The fragrance of the steaming food made Lee realize he was hungry. He heaped cashew chicken on his plate and took a set of black lacquer chopsticks from the center of the table. As they ate, the conversation ranged over general topics from the weather to the general history of Berkeley and San Francisco.

While he listened to Harry and Charlie talk, Lee took the time to examine the large room. In the center of the room was a large stone fireplace where a fire blazed. Two large gray sofas faced each other in front of the fireplace. An easy chair, end tables, and floor lamps completed the ensemble. At the far end of the room was another grouping of chairs, a television, and several book shelves. It reminded Lee of the masculine atmosphere of his father's club in New York, but without the stuffiness that seemed to surround his father. Over the mantle was a painting of Charlie and Lloyd staring into each other's eyes as if they were the only people in the world.

"More tea, Lee," Danny asked.

"Yes, thank you," Lee replied, looking at Charlie. "The painting is powerful in its simplicity, as is this house."

"Thank you. Lloyd gets all the credit for the house. The painting was done by one of our houseguests." Charlie took Lloyd's hand and kissed the fingers. It was obvious that these two men were comfortable with each other.

Charlie was Lee's height, with classic southern European features, including olive skin, dark wavy hair, twinkling dark brown eyes, and perfect teeth. When Charlie smiled at Lloyd, the brown eyes reflected love and respect. Lloyd was slightly taller than Charlie and looked like a defensive linebacker. His shoulders were broad, but his waistline was still trim. A broken nose added to the rugged looks that were further defined by the receding line of fine brown hair.

Lee drank his tea and finished his appraisal of his hosts. Charlie, at what Lee judged to be Harry's age, was extremely attractive with wide shoulders and trim, well-cared-for body. Lloyd might have been a little older, but his blue eyes were happy and carefree in contrast to the brutish physique, all of which was in contrast to the fussy, swishy manner in which Lloyd had handled dinner.

Lee had no idea where this evening was headed. Life with Harry was one adventure after another and this would probably be no different from other times with his lover. Lee placed the chopsticks across his plate and laid his hand on Harry's thigh. Harry smiled and Lee was lost in the blue eyes and knew he would always do what Harry wanted, no matter how crazy it was.

After dinner, Lee helped Lloyd carry dishes and glasses to the kitchen. Lloyd made no effort to hide his frank appraisal of Lee as they rinsed and stacked everything in the sink.

"Danny told me you were the most gorgeous creature he'd ever seen and I have to agree."

"Uh, thanks I guess. That's basically the sort of thing I've heard all my life, and I've never been particularly comfortable with it. I certainly don't think my looks are anything special. But I've learned one thing from my so-called admirers, which is that good looks are not always an asset. Some guys think my looks give them the right to any part of me they want."

"Does that mean you've had some unpleasant experiences with a man or group of men?" Lloyd asked, looking directly at Lee.

"Yes. No." Lee was unsettled by Lloyd's question and the way he had picked a subject Lee did not want to discuss. "It doesn't matter."

"I didn't mean to strike a nerve," Lloyd said, running his hand over his acne scarred face. "I think those of us who lack beauty are especially charmed by it when we encounter someone like you."

"I've learned not to judge a person by his outward appearance. A beautiful face doesn't always belong to a beautiful person. Integrity and honor are more important than facial features."

"Are you always so solemn and serious?" Lloyd asked.

"My job requires it, and I take my job very seriously."

"I see. You are an intriguing man." Lloyd ran water over the dishes.

Lee indicated the sink full of dirty dishes. "Shall we wash these?"

"Certainly not. You're a guest. I'll clean up later. Let's grab some beer and go back to the other room." Lloyd opened the refrigerator and handed bottles to Lee.

Back in the living room, Charlie was tending the fireplace to insure a nice blaze, its light blending with the flickering candles scattered around the room. "Lee, why don't you sit next to Harry. Danny's been telling me a little about you two, but since he hasn't known you long, maybe you could fill in the gaps."

"Something tells me you want more than small talk, and if that's true, you're going to have to tell me why." Lee handed Harry a bottle of beer and sat down next to him.

"I thought Danny told you." Charlie sat down between Danny and Lloyd. "We run a sort of halfway house here for gay men. We try to help guys come to terms with themselves and find some goals in life. With some, like Danny, we've succeeded, with others we've failed."

"You do this for living?" Harry asked.

"No, we do it because there's such a desperate need for it," Charlie answered. "I'm a professor of psychology at U. C. Berkeley and I see a lot of confused kids. The gay ones I try to help. Sometimes we give them a place to stay, sometimes we just give them the freedom to be themselves. Anybody who stays here helps with rent, food, chores, whatever, and is expected to work or go to school or both."

"So why did Danny invite us?" Harry lit a cigarette.

"When he called me from your place he said he thought you had something really special but you didn't quite know what to do with it." Charlie pushed an ashtray towards Harry, then lit a pipe. "How long have you been lovers?"

Lee sipped his beer and tried not to show his annoyance at the question. "Four years, but we don't see each other very often. Our jobs take us in different directions."

"What do you do?" Lloyd asked.

"Ah, we, uh..." Lee started, then looked at Harry.

"Not a safe subject," Harry interjected hurriedly. "Our occupations must remain off limits. If our private lives were ever made public, Lee would automatically lose his job and I'd run into some serious problems."

"And you think teachers have it any easier?" Charlie retorted.

"I guess not, but probably easier than career military officers," Harry offered.

"Ah, you're in the military. That could be a problem." Charlie puffed on his pipe and was silent for a moment. "I don't suppose either of you would give up your career for the other?"

"Absolutely not," Harry sat up straight on the sofa. "When you've worked as hard as we have and believe in what we do, no, you don't give it up easily."

"My views on the military are probably not something you want to hear." Charlie looked at Lloyd, who was trying not to laugh. "Our story's a little different."

"Yeah," Lloyd said, "I fell head over heels in love with Charlie the first night we met and eventually left my wife, my son, my home, my job, everything to be with him."

"Well," Lee stroked the neck of the beer bottle, "Harry and I don't have families, but we're married to our careers, so we do what we have to do and see each other when we can, like now."

"But there's a problem beyond that, isn't there?" Charlie stared into Harry's eyes.

"I think so, at least one I've been able to identify." Harry looked at Lee.

"Harry, this is not the place to discuss our problems, or what you perceive as my problems." Lee got up and paced the floor in front of the fireplace.

"I think maybe it is, Lee," Charlie said.

"What did you tell these people about us?" Lee shouted.

Harry crushed out his cigarette and rose to his feet to face Lee. "Laddie, look at yourself. You're yelling at me, again. You've been drunk. You've even smoked. And the nightmares. I don't even know how long you've being have the nightmares." Harry stroked Lee's face. "It's scary to see you caught in a dream that won't release you. Lee, I'm afraid for you, for us."

When Harry opened his arms, Lee stepped into the embrace. "I don't know what's happening to me." He accepted Harry's gentle kiss.

"Please let Charlie help you. He told me he might be able to do that." Harry stepped away, but held onto Lee's hand.

"Danny said he thought you two were very special together." Charlie looked at Lee. "Is that right?"

"Yeah, I think so," Lee stared into the fire.

"Harry, what do you think?" Charlie knocked his pipe against the ashtray.

"I think there's something bothering Lee that he needs to explore. He's been having terrible nightmares. It goes back to when we first became, ah...." Harry blushed.

"Lovers, Harry?" Lloyd stroked Charlie's arm.

"Yeah," Harry shrugged. "And lately there have been problems in bed, the first time ever."

"Harry, you're going to tell these total strangers everything about our personal lives, aren't you?" Lee was horrified and pulled his hand away from Harry's.

"We aren't total strangers," Danny offered, "we're more like kindred spirits and you'd be surprised how helpful these guys can be."

"Help with what?" Lee shouted. "In changing the world, or how the world thinks."

"No, Lee, not changing how the world thinks, but changing how you think. All that anger you're carrying inside you is excess baggage and if you don't handle it, it'll handle you." Charlie took Lloyd's hand. "You may not approve of the way Lloyd and I live, but we've been together for over twenty years and they've been good years." Charlie kissed Lloyd's fingers.

"Charlie's right about your anger, laddie. You know it and I know it. We talked about it earlier today." Harry held out his hands to Lee.

"Lloyd, why don't you get more beer?" Charlie emptied his bottle.

"I don't want more beer," Lee yelled at the fire. "It seems like all I've done this weekend is drink."

"Please let me hold you." Harry put his hand on Lee's shoulder.

"Would you be interested in something else to help you relax?" Charlie pulled a box from under the coffee table.

"I don't want to relax." Lee stopped his words when he realized that every muscle in his body was tense. He felt like he was going to explode and he wanted to shout at all the people who were pulling at him.

"Harry, what do you think?" Charlie opened the box.

"I think it's a good thing I'm not a cop." Harry turned from Lee and leaned over Charlie to sniff the contents. "Grow your own?"

"Actually, yes, we do, so we can control the quality. And we don't get many cops up here," Charlie replied.

"And we've never had military officers before either," Lloyd offered. "Should we salute or something?"

"Here, we're just all men who walk outside the bounds set by straight society." Harry watched Lee. "Laddie, I think you should come sit down and try to relax."

"You want me to smoke dope?" Lee stared at his lover, not believing his ears.

"I want you to be able to cope with whatever demons are tearing you apart." Harry sat down on the sofa. "Something I've said or done recently has opened old wounds and we need to deal with them. I'm afraid if we don't, we'll hurt each other to the point of destroying the specialness we share. Do you want that?"

Lee knelt on the floor next to Harry. "I want to be with you all the time. You know that."

"Then listen to what Charlie has to say. Please." Harry ran his finger down Lee's cheek. "After all, it's my fault and I can't help fix it if you won't let me."

Rolling a joint, Charlie looked from Lee to Harry. "Would you explain that?"

Harry kissed Lee. "Laddie, I think it's time to talk about this. Why don't you move up here so I can hold you?"

"Wait, Harry. It's better if we sit on the floor. Danny, help Lloyd move the coffee table. Now, Harry, you sit on one side of Lee and Danny can sit on the other. I can see that you care about him, so I want you to hold him and support him and kiss him. Whatever it takes to give him the emotional support he needs."

"Damn it, I'm not an invalid and I don't want to do this." Lee held himself rigid.

"I know you don't want to do it because it hurts and it's gonna hurt a lot more before it hurts less, but we can help you deal with whatever it is." Charlie's voice was professionally soft. "Do you want another beer?" Charlie lit the joint he had rolled, "or this?"

"Please, Lee, if you don't relax, you're going to explode." Harry reached for the joint and inhaled deeply.

"You can't do that!" Lee shouted. "It's a felony!"

"Of course I can. Some laws, like those about homosexuality in the military, are stupid and I choose to ignore them. I can also choose to smoke marijuana, and so can you." Harry smiled. "I could make it an order."

"Oh, that would sound good at my court-martial." Lee managed to smile back at the bright blue eyes.

"Here." Harry placed the joint between Lee's lips. "Draw deeply and hold it." After a few moments, Harry ordered, "Again."

"Now, Harry, you have a story to tell." Charlie took the joint, then passed it to Lloyd.

"After Lee was my student, he served under my command. As you can see, he's a Greek god and I couldn't get him out of my mind. For over a year I'd watch him all day and fantasize all night." Harry took another hit as the joint was passed around. "I'd figured out his sexual preference even though he was very careful to hide his needs. I watched him so covertly for such a long time that I'd also figured out he'd deny himself sexual release until he couldn't contain himself any longer, then find some anonymous guy in a bar in some port to have sex with. Strictly one night stands. We were in Honolulu and I knew he was ready to pop, so I parked myself in the bar I thought he was most likely to find." Harry lit a cigarette.

"Lee, how'd you feel when you saw Harry in the bar?" Charlie asked.

"The man was my commanding officer, not my immediate superior, but the highest officer on the, uh, in the group." It was rather difficult to speak in generic terms, but Lee didn't feel comfortable telling these strangers that Harry was an Admiral in the United States Navy. "It was quite a shock. Everything in me said run, but Harry's a powerful man and he held me riveted by his commanding aura and those gorgeous blue eyes. It was the most wonderful night of my life, and the most devastating night of my life."

"How so?" Charlie prompted.

"Because first he took me flying, made me feel things I'd never felt in my whole life, then he walked out on me the next morning, telling me we'd never see each other again, that it was only a one night stand." Lee took a long swig from Harry's beer bottle.

"Harry?" Charlie rolled another joint.

"I'd planned everything completely, or at least I thought I had. I'd planned the seduction for a long time, and when his actions indicated to me that the opportunity was at hand, I moved very quickly. I resigned my commission, made a reservation on a commercial airline, and waited in that bar for Lee. The night's events were more spectacular than anything I'd ever imagined, which made it so much more difficult to complete my plan, but I knew in my heart that I had to finish what I'd started. I sent Lee back to his, uh, unit, and I left town." Harry took the joint from Charlie.

"But you're still in the military?"

"Several people in D.C. talked me into teaching for a while instead of resigning. That's where Lee found me ten months later. And the root of our problem is in those ten months." Harry held the marijuana to Lee's lips.

"How is this stuff supposed to make me feel?" Lee murmured as he released the smoke.

"It just helps to relax you. It's a depressant, slows things down a bit, takes the edge off pain," Lloyd explained. "It works better than alcohol sometimes. So what happened during those ten months?"

Lee was silent. There was no way he could bring all those ugly images to light with this group of strangers. And he wouldn't burden his lover with the pain. It was his problem to handle and no one else's.

Harry lit another cigarette with the butt of the one in his hand. "All he's ever told me is that he spent those months looking for me, that I had done something to him so that no other man could satisfy him. He waltzed into my classroom one afternoon and announced he was going to seduce me." Harry smiled. "But he wouldn't tell me all the agonies he'd gone through because of my decision to vanish after that night. I believed I had the right to ruin my own career but not his." He blew smoke towards the ceiling. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think Lee would want to see me again."

"Lloyd, go over and sit behind Lee. Start massaging his shoulders," Charlie instructed.

"I can't talk about this." Blackness surrounded Lee's mind and heart. "Harry, I need to run."

"Run?" Charlie asked.

"Lee runs as his first choice of exercise. He did some boxing in college. Swims when we exercise together," Harry explained.

"Do you run flat out until you can't feel anything else?" Charlie asked Lee.

Lee nodded. "It helps me hide from...."

"From what?" Charlie probed.

"Tell him, lad," Harry coaxed as he held the roach clip to Lee's lips. Settling down on the sofa behind Lee, Lloyd rotated his thumbs into Lee's shoulder muscles. "He's as tight as steel bands, Charlie."

"I know, I can see it from here. Harry, will you help Lloyd take Lee's shirt off?"

"Damn it, people, I'm not a child. I don't want to do this." Lee lashed out, struggling with Harry.

"Laddie, please, let us help you," Harry whispered as he removed Lee's tie. "No one here wants to hurt you but I can't watch your depression any longer. It hurts me too much."

Slipping the shoe off Lee's left foot, Charlie motioned for Danny to remove the other one. Lee continued to struggle until his mouth was captured and he surrendered to Harry's kisses. "Would you rather I rubbed your shoulders? I know how you like to be touched."

"No. I just don't want to do this." Lee took a deep breath. "Could I have some water?" Charlie nodded to Danny, who took off for the kitchen. "All right, Charlie, just what in the hell do you want me to do?" Lee asked as Harry slipped the shirt down.

"I want you to relax and tell us what happened during those ten months while you were looking for Harry. Let the pain surface so we can help you get rid of it." Charlie's voice was soothing and Lee wondered if the marijuana was having some effect on him.

"It's my pain, my punishment. Why would you want to help me get rid of it?" Lee sipped water as Harry held the glass.

"Punishment? What kind of punishment?" Charlie looked at Harry.

"Why was Lee being punished?"

Lee answered before Harry could speak. "For not being good enough. For whoring around with men. For not ...." Lee closed his eyes and refused to say another word.

"Harry?" Charlie asked quietly.

"Lee's parents dumped him in boarding school when he was about eight. They didn't even attend his college graduation and Lee was top of his class. He's always felt like he wasn't good enough to be loved." Harry's voice quivered on the last words.

"Lee, open your eyes, look at me," Charlie commanded softly. "When you spent that first night with Harry, did he open some kind of emotional flow that you hadn't experienced before?"

Lee nodded.

"And afterward, sexual release without the emotional experience was no longer satisfying?"

Lee nodded again.

"Can you tell me what you felt with Harry that first time?"

"Wanted. Special, maybe. It was like I mattered to the guy I was having sex with. It was just different than all the other times." Lloyd's strong fingers worked warm oil into Lee's shoulders. {You promised to spoil me for anyone else and you did.}

"And you couldn't find that anywhere else you looked?" Charlie continued. "So you decided you needed to be punished because you weren't good enough to be loved?"

"I don't know." Lee's memories were of dark rooms that reeked of sex and urine.

"Did you punish yourself or did you let other men do it?" Charlie's voice was slow and even.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter," Lee muttered and felt his control slipping. His socks were gone and both his feet were being massaged. Looking at Harry, Lee realized that both his hands were gripping Harry's.

"It does matter. Did you go to the bars? Looking for sex? Maybe rough trade?" Charlie asked.

"No, of course not. I'd always been so careful before and then suddenly I was in the bars every night I was ashore. I couldn't seem to stop. I let guys fuck me hoping that one of them would invoke the same response that Harry did, but it didn't happen. Eventually, I started looking for rougher treatment." Lee shook his head. "I don't want to do this. Harry, please don't make me do this."

"Take another drag, laddie. Just a little more and you'll be able to push past it." Harry held the joint to Lee's mouth until he didn't have a choice. "Close your eyes, hold the smoke and think about last Christmas and those wonderful tattoos." After a few minutes, Harry held water to Lee's lips and said, "Drink. Is that better?"

"A little. I feel so strange," Lee mumbled.

"And you won't have a hangover," Lloyd promised.

Pulling Lee's fingers to his mouth, Harry coaxed, "Tell me about the rough trade, laddie. Where were you and what happened?"

Lee took a deep breath and leaned back into Lloyd's hands. "I was in San Diego. I was desperate, Harry, I didn't think I'd ever find you. It had been so many months and there was no sign of you. Nothing. I don't ever remember being so depressed and lonely. I started drinking in the first bar I found and then just kept moving from place to place. I stumbled into a leather bar with a back room like something out of Dante's Inferno. I was drunk by then and when two guys came on to me, I didn't fight it. When they took me into the back room, I expected them to fuck me senseless and be done with it. That's what had always happened before."

"But?" Harry ran his fingers down Lee's face.

"This time it wasn't that easy." Lee reached for the roach clip, hoping the stuff would help him say these words. The images were chilling. "I can't."

"Would you like to lie down, Lee? Would you be more comfortable?" Charlie asked.

"Doesn't matter. I don't want to think about this. It's so ugly. Harry, take me home," Lee begged, "please, take me home."

"Danny, go get things ready in the playroom. Light the candles. Hurry," Charlie instructed.

"Harry, slip off your shirt and pants, but leave your shorts on if they make you more comfortable. I want you to sit on the bed and hold Lee. I think he needs skin against skin to feel the most comfortable and secure. I'm not sure what he's going to say, but it's not going to be pleasant and he's going to need your strength."

"I'll do anything so long as it helps him," Harry said as he stood up. He picked up Lee's shirt and tie and draped them over the sofa back, then added his own clothes.

"Lloyd, let's get Lee up," Charlie continued, softly. "Danny, are you ready?"

"Yeah," Danny replied as he returned to the living room. "You need some help?"

"Help Harry and Lloyd while I check a few things in here." Charlie put the box of marijuana away.

"Come on, Lee, let's get you up on your feet. Which way, Lloyd?" Harry struggled to keep Lee steady.

"This way. We need to go downstairs." Lloyd took Lee's other arm and they walked him to a bedroom. "Harry, help me slide Lee's pants off. Good, now you get comfortable against the headboard, then I'll give you Lee."

Lee was only peripherally aware of the soft violin music which floated in from somewhere, and that the only light was from candles, which gave off the mild scent of vanilla. He noticed the bed was huge as he snuggled into Harry's arms.

"Turn him around, Harry, so he's sitting with his back to you," Lloyd instructed.

Harry kissed Lee's ear. "Good, I think we're comfortable like this."

Charlie settled between Lee's feet and directed Danny and Lloyd to take positions on either side of Lee. "Now, Lee, I want you to tell me about the bar in San Diego. What did they do to you?"

"Harry?" Lee cried.

"I'm right here, Lee. I've got you, feel my arms? I won't let anyone hurt you, but you have to tell me what happened." Harry tightened his arms around Lee.

Lee sighed, closed his eyes and ignored the tear that escaped to trickle down his cheek. "All the men were dressed in black leather. Some of them were only wearing chaps, their dicks bare and erect. Some of them were wearing masks or dog chains around their necks. I watched one guy shove a butt plug into another guy and strap it on. I wanted to run, but the two men from the bar had strong grips on my arms."

Danny held a glass of water to Lee's lips; he was parched and drank deeply.

"What happened next?" Charlie probed.

"I struggled but they stripped my clothes off and the two men pushed me into a structure like a door frame. They cuffed my wrists to the top corners and my ankles to the bottom corners, so I was spread-eagled. When I tried to get free, the metal cut my wrists. Then someone shoved a metal harness over my cock and tightened it around my balls. But the worst was the tit clamps. I couldn't help screaming, and when I did scream, my ass was slapped."

"No," Harry cried, leaning his head on Lee's shoulder, "Oh, laddie, no."

"Harry, he has to tell it all. Go on, Lee. What else did they do?" Charlie asked in his quiet voice.

Lee shut his eyes, trying to stop the ugly images. "It seemed like everyone in the room spanked me until I could only focus on the pain. They spent a long time just playing with my body, licking and sucking and biting me everywhere. I hung there so long I needed to pee real bad, but they wouldn't let me down to go to the john. Instead, they stroked and tickled me until they made me pee right there, and two guys took turns drinking it. It was sick and degrading and made me puke. I had a belly full of alcohol and couldn't help myself, but I was still disgusted. They told me what a bad boy I was to do that, and how I had to be punished, and the next thing I knew they were slapping me with a small whip, which cut my back and ass and legs. After that they threw a big bucket of cold water over me to wash off the blood and vomit."

He took a deep breath and paused. Nobody spoke but he felt many gentle hands caressing him. He shuddered but knew he had to finish. "Finally, they started to fuck me. I don't know how many. If I cried out, someone would twist the tit clamps until I thought I'd pass out. I don't know how many men had me that night, but when they finally let me down, I couldn't stand up.Some guy helped me back into my torn clothes and led me down the alley to a busy street. I slumped on the sidewalk in front of a store, unable to stand, until a cop came by. He thought I was drunk and I didn't argue. I must have screamed when he jerked me up from the sidewalk because he took a closer look at me and wanted to take me to the hospital."

"Oh, Lee," Harry's tears were warm on Lee's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't understand the warning in your nightmare."

"Shhhh, Harry, let Lee finish," Charlie ordered as Danny stroked Harry's face. "Did you go to the hospital, Lee?"

"No," he yelled, "I couldn't let anyone see me like that. I didn't have my wallet or I.D. or anything. I asked them to take me back to the boat and they did. The Deck Officer recognized me and took me aboard. I don't remember much after that and I don't ever want to remember it again. Harry, please hold me."

"Lloyd, help Harry move around so he can lie next to Lee," Charlie instructed

When they were stretched out together on the bed, Lee reached to kiss Harry's face. "You're crying." Lee collected the tears on his fingertip and licked them off.

"Oh Lee, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you. Can you ever forgive me? My beautiful young lover, I never dreamed I could hurt you like that."

"It wasn't you, Harry. It was the men in the bar," Charlie reiterated. "You couldn't have known how Lee was going to feel or react. You made your own difficult choice. Now, let's see if we can fix this."

"Fix what?" Harry sobbed. "They raped him and they beat him and they humiliated him and then they dumped him. How can we fix that?"

"By providing emotional support, therapy, if you will. Rape is an ugly act and men don't know how to handle it. When a woman is raped, the men who are supposed to help her usually end up blaming her for being raped, rationalizing that it must have been her fault. When a man is raped, the men who are supposed to help refuse to acknowledge that anything happened. It's a basic belief among straight men that a man can't be raped." Charlie looked at Lee. "What happened when you reported back to your boat?"

"The deck officer helped me to sick bay. I don't remember much. Doc cleaned me up and treated my wounds and made me sleep. The next morning I hurt so bad I couldn't move. The doctor said I'd been beaten and sodomized. He asked me where I'd been and I told him I didn't remember. I told him I'd made the mistake of drinking too much and I promised never do it again. They made a big deal about the fact that I didn't have any offensive wounds, so the official medical report was that I'd been beaten and decided I was mugged in the course of a robbery."

"And no one ever said the word *rape* to you?" Charlie asked.

"No. I knew in my heart that I was being punished and accepted that. But I also knew I had to find Harry or the blackness was going to smother me." Lee wrapped his arms around his lover and buried his face in Harry's soft red hair.

"Describe the blackness for me," Charlie probed.

"Depression, I guess. It was like when I was a kid and I knew my father wasn't coming to see me or that I was going to have to spend another holiday in an empty dorm, only this was worse than anything before. If I let it get too close to the surface of my mind, my head would pound and I couldn't breath."

"Did you ever think about killing yourself?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, no, Lee," Harry cried.

"No, Harry, I never thought about killing myself, but there were many nights, especially right after the leather-bar thing, when I wished I could go to sleep and never wake up."

"Oh, Lee, I'm so sorry," Harry mumbled as he softly kissed Lee.

"Lee has suppressed the painful memories in his life, maybe many of them. It's his defense system and now, for some reason, the events of that night are surfacing. Do you know why, Lee?" Charlie continued with his soft questions.

"It was me." Harry buried his face in Lee's shoulder. "I didn't know about Lee's demons, never had a hint. A few months ago, I started to pressure him because I wanted to watch him make love to another man. *I wanted!* Lee tried to talk me out of it, we argued, but I kept pushing him until the other night when he got roaring drunk and I finally realized that his opposition to my crazy idea was rooted in something much deeper than I knew. He's been depressed since he arrived at the hotel on Thursday, but I didn't know why." Harry raised his head and looked at Charlie. "You knew he'd been raped, didn't you?"

"I guessed. I've seen this happen far too often, especially to men as beautiful as Lee. I've found a few things that can help and Lloyd and I have had some successes, but sometimes we lose them to suicide or drugs, or nothing works and they just continue in a severely depressed state. What I haven't seen before is someone like you taking the blame. You need as much support as Lee does and I didn't know that. You see, Harry, I'm an expert and I didn't see your needs, so how could you have guessed Lee's?" Charlie ran his hand over his face.

"I should've known," Harry said, looking at Lee. "What do you think you can do to make us better?"

"By giving you good memories to replace the bad ones," Charlie answered.

"Harry, that's what you always tell me we're going to do. It's what you told me when you wanted to pick up Danny. It usually works, too." Lee kissed Harry's wet face.

"Lloyd, you take Harry and, Danny, you take Lee. They need to be cuddled and Harry would probably like a cigarette."

"Yes, please," Harry said, his voice still shaky.

"Come here, Lee," Danny purred, "let me hold you and brush away those dreadful bruises and cuts." He kissed Lee's wrists, licking where the handcuffs would have been.

"Better, Harry?" Charlie asked as he watched the smoke curl towards the ceiling.

"No. How can it ever be better?" Harry mumbled.

"We're going to comfort you and Lee, all of us, until you both understand that love doesn't have to hurt, that in any form, the expression of love can be wonderful. It doesn't have to be dark or ugly or cruel or painful. We're going to sit here on the bed holding you, petting you, talking to you, until Lee doesn't feel threatened by a group of men. Sometimes we use the wonderful bathtub we have because water helps people relax. And remember, Harry, we fed Lee a lot of marijuana so his reflexes are rather sluggish. But mostly, we just need to be here for Lee, and for you."

"Stop treating me like a child," Lee shouted.

"Easy, handsome," Danny soothed.

"That's right, Lee, nobody's going to hurt you. Harry's right here to keep you safe," Charlie continued. "Kiss him, Danny, then give him back to Harry after you get rid of the remaining clothes."

"Charlie, Harry's a basket case. I think he needs as much therapy as Lee does." Lloyd moved off the bed.

"Here, you try." Gathering Harry in a tight embrace, Charlie kissed Harry's lips tenderly. "It's not your fault, Harry. We don't usually have a supportive lover in these sessions and we've never had the lover try to accept the guilt for the rape. I must remember your needs. Lee needs you, and you both need us. Transferring his pain to you will not solve the problem. You have to let it go. You can't change the past, you can only make the future brighter." Charlie's hand reached between Harry's legs. "What does Lee do to get you hard?"

"Walk into the room," Harry admitted with a slight chuckle.

"I'll bet he does. It would certainly work for me." Charlie stroked Lee's cheek before turning his attention back to Harry. "And Lee, what does Harry do for you?" Charlie continued.

"Sometimes all I have to do is think about him." Lee relaxed into Danny's embrace. "And I think about him all the time. There hasn't been anyone else but Harry since that horrible night. I don't want to have sex with anyone but Harry."

"Lee, I think you need to find out if you only want to be with Harry because of the way you feel about him, or because you're afraid of everyone else." Charlie worked his hands over the insides of Harry's thighs.

"Lee," Lloyd offered, "you and Harry do have something very special, something I'd call love, but you'll have to decide that for yourselves. Something else you'll each have to decide is whether each of you can completely satisfy the other. I love Charlie with my whole heart and I believe he loves me, but no one man in the world could satisfy Charlie's sexual needs." Lloyd leaned across Harry to kiss Charlie. "Charlie needs to be fucked in the ass frequently, and you'd think my thick nine inches would be enough for him, but it's not. It never has been. Maybe it's because he puts so much of himself into sessions like this one that he needs the physical release or maybe it's his genetic make-up, but I had to learn to share him with other men a long time ago. It doesn't affect our love for each other. You and Harry may have to learn that lesson as well. If you want a long term relationship, you have to learn to understand your partner."

"Lloyd's right. I'm not sure that man was originally designed to be monogamous, or woman either for that matter. There are very few animals on this planet that mate for life, so why should human beings be any different? In the gay community, many couples need an open relationship in order to survive." Charlie massaged Harry's balls.

With his eyes riveted to Harry's rising cock, Lee stated, "But I don't want anyone else but Harry."

"What if your inhibitions are caused by long-term emotional scars? Or what if Harry's needs are not the same as yours? Do you share him or lose him?" Charlie asked.

"I made that decision when I called Danny today. I want Harry in my life. And right now I need Harry to hold me."

Without letting go of Harry, Charlie looked at Lee. "Do you need Harry to hold you? Or do you need me to stop fondling him?"

"I need...." Lee stopped unable to answer the question. "Maybe both," he finally admitted.

"And Harry," Charlie said, "what do you need?"

"Not to be the stone around Lee's neck," Harry whispered. "I can only hurt him, professionally and personally."

"Damn it, Harry, I'm tired of that argument. It was the one you used when you walked out on me in Honolulu. Don't use it now and," Lee looked up, his eyes stinging with tears, "please don't walk out on me again."

Charlie released Harry and rolled him over to Lee. "I think you better listen, Harry. Strong men have breaking points rather than bending points, and you're probably Lee's."

"I can't help thinking about his career, about how important he is to the Navy. He could be a very young admiral."

"Harry," Lee warned, "you're saying too much."

"Laddie, considering the fact that you and I are naked on this bed with three other men means we trust them a little. We have to trust some people some of the time." Harry wrapped his arms around Lee.

"It's okay, Lee," Charlie added, "I already know who he is. I've attended several of his lectures on marine biology. Besides, I've seen his picture in the newspaper. Your secrets are safe with us."

"There are always going to be too many secrets," Lee mumbled.

"That's probably true, and now I'd like for you to share the secret of how you make love to each other. Lee, your emotional scars from that bar and other areas of your life are deep. You didn't learn to suppress your emotional pain at that late point in your life. There's a lot more garbage buried inside you, and you and Harry need to learn how to handle it. The best way to heal old wounds is with new, better memories. We want to show you that normal ideas, as defined by narrow-minded, Bible-toting mainstream people, are not necessarily normal for you and that you don't need to punish yourself because you're different from other people. Your needs are real to you, needs that can be fulfilled by loving partners, not bullies in a bar who don't even understand that they've hurt you. Pretty boys in a leather bar are always fair game, whether you knew it or not."

"You want me to make love to Harry with you guys as an audience?" Lee sputtered.

"Not unless you want to." Charlie rubbed Harry's shoulders. "What we want is for you to feel comfortable and unthreatened in a group of gay men. If you want to make love to any or all of us, do so. If you want to cuddle and sleep in Harry's arms, that's okay, too. Remember, your partner has assumed all your pain as his own, and as much as I think we need to concentrate on you, we must also be aware that the needs here are for both of you, separately, and as a couple. What'll it take to put you back together and make you stronger?"

"I want to be alone with Harry," Lee stated.

"But what if Harry really needs to see you with another man?" Charlie asked.

"I don't," Harry rushed to say. "My needs are not important."

"Wrong, Harry. Understand that as a couple the needs of one cannot be more important than the needs of the other. Lee, if Harry compromises his own needs for you, and he's willing to do that, then his needs are unfulfilled, which will lead him to frustration and possibly to someone else." Charlie continued his massage of Harry's shoulders. "Harry, I understand what sacrifices you're willing to make for Lee, but those kinds of sacrifices weaken a relationship. It happens all the time in normal marriages and even more so with gay couples. This, above all else, is important to you two right now."

"I didn't really need to pick up someone like Danny," Harry looked into Lee's eyes.

"Obviously you did, or you wouldn't have made it the topic of every conversation we've had since Christmas," Lee told Harry. "I couldn't understand your needs because they were so contradictory to mine. It hurt me every time you mentioned the subject, but I'm beginning to see that my rejection of your needs was just as hard on you."

"No, laddie, you were right, I just wanted to satisfy my curiosity, run a silly experiment." Harry touched Lee's face with his fingertips.

"Ummmm, Danny, your hands are wonderful," Lee moaned as his back was massaged. "Harry, sir, you're full of it. Before tonight I might have believed you because I wanted to, but Charlie's right, your needs are important, and I'll do my best to meet them, even if it means I have to change what I feel and what I want."

"Are you talking compromise, Lee?" Charlie's professional voice was back.

"Isn't that the way things work? There's no possible way I can have what I want and Harry can have what he wants. So I give a little and he gives a little, but we talk about it first." Lee smiled.

"But you've already given me what I asked for. This afternoon when you took Danny in our room. That was enough," Harry offered.

"Is it? It turned you on, just like you told me it would, and you pounded my ass like there was no tomorrow." Lee touched his lips to Harry's.

"It was enough, Lee, I can let it go. It's no longer important," Harry continued.

"Harry, stop. You, and the others, have forced me to confront my own pain, to bring it out in the open and deal with it. I don't want you hiding feelings where I can't see them because you don't want to hurt me. Charlie's right, we have to be very careful of our relationship and I'd already decided this afternoon that we'd have another round with Danny so you could experience the sensations of being in the middle. If the marijuana hasn't completely suppressed my reflexes, I'd still like to do that."

"Do you want Lloyd and me to leave the room, Lee?" Charlie asked, his hands still working on Harry's back.

"No, I'm still a little shaky and if I get panicky, I think I'd like to have you here. I've gotten used to the sound of your voice tonight and I think it helps. I'm scared, but I want to try." Lee held his hand out to Harry, who took it and squeezed.

Danny snaked a hand around Lee's body to caress Lee's crotch. "Does that mean I can play with this?"

"I guess so," Lee answered, "if it's all right with the my lover."

Harry nodded, not taking his eyes from Lee's.

"Lee, do you object if I resume my fondling of your lover? His cock is so beautiful in its nest of red curls," Charlie asked, a hint of lust in his voice for the first time.

"Yes, it is beautiful. If I have some qualms left over, I'll deal with them." Lee took a deep breath before he kissed Harry. {I must be crazy, or stoned out of my mind, but if this makes you happy, I can learn to live with it.}

The feel of Harry's mouth was the center of Lee's being as their tongues met and fenced. Releasing every other thought, he opened his heart and focused on how much he loved Harry. Strong hands caressed Lee's chest, tweaking his nipples, while a mouth took his cock, but it was his hands in Harry's soft hair and Harry's lips on his own that sent the strongest signals firing through Lee's body. It was like a weight had been lifted and his body was his own again. {Harry, I love you, please hear me and know how I feel.}

"Very nice, Lee," Danny whispered, "I was afraid I wouldn't get seconds tonight." Danny's tongue followed the words around Lee's ear.

Reacting to Danny's tongue, Lee released Harry's mouth and opened his eyes to look into bright blue ones. "You okay?" Harry asked.

"I think so, but it's strange to have hands on my body that aren't yours. I know the feel of your hands so well," Lee whispered as he kissed Harry again.

When an oily finger entered his body, Lee wanted to see what was happening. He was lying on his side with his face close to Harry's face, who was also on his side, but their bodies were angled away from each other. Between them, with heads at Lee's and Harry's waist level and feet dangling over the end of the bed, Charlie and Lloyd lay back to back, Charlie sucking Lee's cock and Lloyd sucking Harry's. Lee was as excited by the mouth on his own cock as he was by the sight of Harry's cock being serviced by someone else. Turning his head, Lee smiled at Danny, who was behind him, finger fucking him.

"Harry, oh God, Harry...", he cried as Harry's mouth cut off the words. Moaning into Harry's mouth, Lee tried to push into all the stimulations at once, twisting and arching his body. "Need you, Harry, need you so bad."

"What do you need, laddie?" Harry leaned forward to suck Lee's nipples.

"Need your cock, old man, like I always do."

"Tell me, laddie, where do you need my cock?"

Danny's fingers were moving slowly in and out, while Charlie sucked in the same rhythm. Lee's body moved forward than backward, straining for maximum effect.

"In my ass, damn you, I need your cock in my ass." Breathing deeply, Lee stared into Harry's cornflower blue eyes. He waited as long as he could, then whispered, "Please."

Running his hand down Lee's cheek, Harry said, "Anything you want." He ran his fingers through Lloyd's hair. "I need to take care of Lee now."

Lloyd lifted his head from Harry's groin, kissed the head of the wet cock, then leaned forward to kiss Harry. "I get to finish this later." He turned around and kissed Charlie on the back of the neck. "Slide around here with me. We need to help Lee and Harry."

"On your belly," Danny directed Lee without removing his fingers. "Harry, over here so I can make sure you're ready. We don't want to hurt Lee at this stage of the game."

"No, we don't," Harry said as he kissed Danny. "Use both hands on me while I take over Lee's ass. It's such a beautiful expanse of skin over muscle. I miss the tattoo, laddie, but we both know this is my property." Harry kissed one cheek, then the other before he removed his fingers and rimmed the tight ring of muscle.

"Oh God, Harry, that drives me crazy," Lee cried.

"I know," Harry managed to say.

"Harry, lift Lee up on his knees so I can get under him," Charlie instructed. Charlie slid under him, taking Lee's cock into his mouth. Lloyd had one hand on Charlie's crotch and one hand twisting Lee's nipples.

"Harry, you're ready, and I can't take you until you get inside Lee." Danny's voice was husky with desire. Lee shuddered as Harry stopped licking and placed his cock for penetration.

"Hard and fast or long and slow, laddie?"

"Long and slow, just do it now," Lee rasped, his body a mass of short circuits.

Harry's bulk filled Lee, inch by wonderful thick inch, while Charlie's mouth milked Lee's cock. As Lloyd concentrated his attentions on Charlie's cock, Harry wrapped his arms around Lee's chest and fondled the nipples.

"How's this, laddie?" Harry managed to croak.

"I'm always flying when you're buried in me up to the hilt," Lee answered.

"And tonight your cock's down Charlie's throat," Harry added.

"Yeah, I'd noticed that." Lee could hardly breath.

"Oh, yes," Harry moaned.

"You okay?" Lee asked.

"Yeah, and I'll be better when Danny takes his fingers out and puts his dick in."

The words tickled Lee's ears. "You're going to feel it, too."

"Ready, Harry?" Danny asked.

"We're both ready, Danny," Harry assured him. "Easy does it 'cause we don't want to squash anyone."

Lee waited for the pressure as Danny entered Harry and pushed Harry harder into Lee, at which point Charlie released Lee's cock and clamped his hand around the base. "Easy, baby boy, I have plans for you later, so just take a deep breath and hold it."

"Sure, Charlie, anything you say," he managed before Harry rammed into him again, "but I thought you were hot for my cream."

"Oh, I am, baby boy, I am, but I want your cock in my ass. Think you can handle that request?" Charlie fondled Lee's balls and licked the fluid from the tip of the cock. "You should hold for a while."

"I'll try, but with Harry sometimes I come really fast." Lee was having trouble thinking as Harry moved faster and faster. "I want to come with Harry."

"Can you save it for Charlie tonight, Lee, just this one time?" Harry dropped kisses across Lee's neck, his breath hot and ragged.

"I'll try, Harry, but you feel so good, I want to scream." Lee balled his hands into fists on the bed as he worked to hold himself up while Harry hammered his ass.

"You can scream as loud as you want, Lee," Charlie said as he stroked Lee's cock. "I'd like to make you scream."

Lee's world narrowed to the fierce pounding in his body. Harry would thrust all the way in, then Danny would thrust into Harry and Lee could feel each stroke. His cock expanded in Charlie's hand and Charlie gripped the base. The driving pace continued until Harry dug his teeth into Lee's shoulder and pumped into Lee's body.

"Laddie, you're incredible," Harry breathed as he stilled.

"I'm filling you up, Harry, gonna fill you full," Danny groaned as he shoved hard into Harry, knocking Harry into Lee and Lee off his knees and onto Charlie. Lloyd sat up and leaned over the group to help Danny roll onto his side, then he helped Harry and Lee disengage and turn over on their sides, leaving Charlie access to Lee's cock.

"Take him, lover, easy now, or he won't last."

"Harry, don't let go of me," Lee pleaded.

"I'm here, Lad, I'm right here," Harry said between rapid breaths.

"What do you want me to do, Charlie?" Lee whispered, a thread of fear running through him.

"I want your cock in my ass. Lloyd was right when he told you I need to be fucked regularly. I do, I'm like a heroin addict, I need it all the time and I need variety. Your long, lean cock is going to drive me crazy. And Lloyd has me ready for you whenever you're ready, and I'd say you were ready right now." Charlie continued to stroke and fondle Lee's genitals.

"Harry?"

"It's okay, laddie, do him like you did Danny, so I can watch. Make him scream for you, but kiss me first."

Harry's breathing was returning to normal. Charlie turned Lee onto his back, so Lee could embrace and kiss Harry.

"So good, always so good," Lee whispered. Harry's mouth was hot and hungry. When Lee turned his attention back to Charlie, Lee instructed, "On your belly."

"Anything you say, baby boy. Like this?" Charlie asked as Lloyd helped him to stretch out on the bed.

"Slide over towards the edge of the bed so I can turn you to face Harry, once I've penetrated." Lee took the oil from Lloyd and coated his cock. "Are you ready?"

"Whenever you are."

Lifting Charlie's hips, Lee positioned himself. "How do you want it?"

"Hard and fast. Slam it in me," Charlie ordered. Lee took a deep breath and thrust all the way in. He watched as Lloyd steadied Charlie, then Lee pulled out and plunged in again. When Charlie's body had accepted him, Lee slowed the pace.

"Okay, I'm going to lower you back down on the bed and turn us to the left. Roll with me, now." When they had turned, Lee tapped Charlie's left leg. "Raise this up so Harry can see."

"Nice view, lover," Lloyd commented as he moved around on the bed until he had his face buried in Charlie's crotch. "I can do you like this while Lee fucks the daylights out of you."

Lee continued to thrust as he watched Harry over Charlie's shoulder. Harry's eyes were riveted to the point where Lee entered Charlie's body. Danny had a hand draped over Harry's hip, fondling Harry's cock, which was responding to the stimulation. Lee adjusted his body movements to match Charlie's, changing the pace from hard and fast to slow and deep. "Feel me inside you, Charlie, all the way inside you, until I can feel your heart beat. I thrust while Lloyd sucks. We're going to turn you inside out and rocket you to the stars."

"Listen to him, Charlie, listen to his silky voice that's as hot and smooth as his cock," Harry purred as he pushed into Danny's hand. "Talk to me, Lee, tell me what you feel."

"His muscles are so tight they're squeezing me, his body is so hot he's burning me, and I can feel his stomach tighten when Lloyd sucks." Lee reached his arm over Charlie. "Hold my hand, Harry, I need you to anchor me."

Lloyd's fingers danced across Lee's balls and into his body, stimulating him and increasing the pace he had set. Lee seemed to go on forever and he wondered if the marijuana was responsible for his staying power tonight.

"Charlie's close, Lee. Whenever you're ready to shoot, I'll take him over," Lloyd said with his mouth full.

"Soon," Lee promised as he squeezed Harry's hand. After a few minutes of hard pounding, Lee clamped his teeth into Charlie's neck and hissed, "Now!" Pumping until there was no more, Lee folded himself around Charlie and lay still.

When Lee was aware of his surroundings again, Lloyd was sitting between Charlie and Harry, his hand on his own huge hard and very wet cock. "You need me, lover, or can I use this elsewhere?"

"I always need you, Lloyd, but I understand your needs as well. You want our handsome guest, don't you?" Charlie mumbled as he relaxed into afterglow.

"I do, if he'll have me." Lloyd looked at Lee. "Do you think you can take me? Not everyone can." Lloyd stroked his own cock. "But you're relaxed now and Harry's already stretched you, so you should be okay."

"Harry?" Lee asked as he noted Harry's eyes were bright with desire.

"Only if I can watch." Harry's cock was hard in Danny's hand.

"Charlie, you may have to help me, since Harry's so turned on he's glassy-eyed. He doesn't usually recharge that fast." Lee ran his hand down Harry's chest and touched his fingers to Danny's. "Not bad for an old man."

"Don't do anything you're not comfortable with, Lee," Charlie cautioned. "Lloyd, can you be gentle with the baby boy?"

"I'm not a baby and I'm not made of glass. I just need to hold on to you for support. No one's done this to me but Harry since the leather bar and I'm a little uneasy. But I want to be on my back so I can watch. That should help." Lee took a deep breath and laid his head in Charlie's lap. Raising his legs, Lee draped them over Lloyd's shoulders and squeezed Charlie's hands.

"Ready." Lloyd hesitated for a moment, locking eyes with Lee, then pressed inward. "Last chance to back out."

Lee shook his head. "Do it."

He watched as the long column of hard flesh entered his body. It wasn't thicker than Harry's but it was certainly longer and Lee wasn't sure he could take it all. When he had settled into a strong rhythm with Lloyd, Lee looked to see what state Harry was in. Danny was now turned around so that Harry could fuck him while watching Lee's face. Passion glazed the familiar blue eyes, and, although Lee had planned to watch Lloyd, now he couldn't take his eyes away from Harry's. Charlie held onto Lee, massaging his shoulders when he tensed from trying to withstand the force of Lloyd's pounding. Just before Lloyd scalded Lee's insides with cream, Lee wondered how he was going to get on a plane tomorrow when he wasn't going to be able to walk.

When Lloyd finally eased out of Lee, Charlie was there to wash both his lover and his lover's partner. It wasn't the same intimacy he shared with Harry, but it meant he didn't have to do more than roll over to be in Harry's arms. Lee felt lots of hands stroking and petting his back and legs as he cuddled in Harry's arms, his eyes closed. All he wanted to do was sleep. His exhaustion, both mental and physical, was total.

A voice against his ear whispered, "How do you feel?"

"Tired," Lee admitted, "but good tired, I think." He hugged Harry a little tighter, and wished everyone else would go away.

"Do you feel safe?" Charlie probed. "Has anything that happened here threatened you?" "No, I'm okay. At least for now." The hands stroking his body were having a soporific effect. "I'm safe with Harry, always safe with Harry." There were no more words to be said as Lee drifted off to sleep, secure and at peace.
* * * * *

Sat 21 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Lee's thoughts returned to the present. Six years and a lot of soul searching had passed since the painful events of his first visit to Berkeley. Though he and Harry had become very close to Charlie and Lloyd during the intervening years, that first visit to their home had been a difficult ordeal. Even after so many years, Lee's mind still shied away from the memories.

He stood and stepped into the head and splashed cold water on his face. "I need to work off some of this frustration," he told his reflection in the mirror. "Think I'll see what Chip's doing. Gotta be better than talking to myself."

He dried his hands and face, then went to his clothes cupboard to grab an old pair of running shorts. He started to leave the cabin, then turned back to gather up all the scattered wads of paper and dumped them in the trash basket. Lee left his quarters, and headed for Chip's cabin, but eventually found him in *Seaview*'s small but well-equipped gym.

No rules required crew members to exercise regularly, but Admiral Nelson encouraged the activity. As many as ten men could use the various machines at one time, although only two others besides Chip were working out when Lee arrived. Minutes passed and the two men finally left the room, leaving Chip and Lee alone.

"Is it my imagination or has this place gotten busier since we left the Arctic Circle?" Lee grunted from the strain of the weights he was lifting with his legs.

"Like any good captain, you lead by example," Chip said, wiping his face on a towel. "There are more men in here than before because the crew has noticed how often you're in here. Some of them are probably hoping to impress you, some of them are here because they think you expect them to be here, and some of them would be here anyway, but are probably here more often because you're here."

He crossed his arms over his head, then did some stretches. "The Admiral wasn't happy about my *no smoking* rule in here." Lee smiled, remembering their conversation: {Sir, you only come to the gym to check me out and you know you always want something in your mouth while you watch. It's that oral fixation of yours. You start watching me while you're pretending to be encouraging all the men in the room, and then you get excited. Next thing you know you start puffing furiously, and then none of us can breath.}

Lee's smile widened as he remembered Harry's indignant denial about puffing furiously.

"I didn't see him countermand your order and it is easier to breathe in here without all that smoke." Chip draped his towel around his neck and dropped to sit on the floor. "Can I ask you a question? Another personal question?"

Swinging his legs to the floor, Lee sat upright on the bench, gripping its sides. "Sure."

"Can you tell me how you knew you were -- uh -- I mean about liking men -- ah...." Chip stared at the floor, his embarrassment so strong that even his neck was bright red.

"Since that question was so difficult for you to ask, I assume you're trying to understand the part of Robert's life you never saw."

Without looking up, Chip nodded.

"I don't know what makes some men different, I only know what happened to me. Maybe it was just the circumstances of my life. I've been with you at your family gatherings and you'll never know how much I envy you your family. But you've never met my father or stepmother because they never seemed to want me around. Except for the money, I'm really an orphan. They didn't even come to my graduation from the academy. I saw them so seldom that I even spent some Christmas vacations at school." He tried to distance himself from the pain and loneliness, but didn't always succeed. "One year, when I was fourteen, there were several of us in the dorm during Christmas. No one was very happy and we didn't even have a tree. It was Christmas eve and really cold, but I went running anyway."

"When did you start running?"

"I don't know. Seems like I've done it my whole life. It's a good way to escape and no one ever bothered me."

"Go on."

"Anyway, this particular Christmas, when I came back from my run, one of the older boys was waiting in my room. After he scolded me for going out alone, he stayed and talked while I showered, then asked if he could stay with me for the night." Lee twisted the ring on his left hand. "I was very naive. I knew some of the cadets slept together sometimes, but I never gave any thought to what they were really doing. I just thought they were lonely or homesick. I mean, I knew the basic facts of life, but I hadn't really ever thought about sex. I was a late bloomer, I guess. Anyway, that night, one thing led to another and I found out I didn't have to be lonely anymore. And I liked what he did to me. We remained close until he left school, then I never heard from him or saw him again. But there were others to take his place."

"Lee, I roomed with you for three years at Annapolis and I never suspected a thing."

"I was very, very careful. By then, I knew I wanted a career as a naval officer and that I'd never be successful if anyone found out about my sexual preference. I dated a lot of girls for appearances sake, and even had sex with a few of the pushier ones."

At Chip's questioning look, he explained, "Having sex with girls didn't disgust me, but it's mechanical and not very satisfying. Sometimes the need for a male partner was so strong that I'd go looking for a special bar. Sex with some nameless stranger. Then guilt and fear and self-loathing would take over again. I'd spend hours in the gym after one of those secret nights working through my frustration. I hated sneaking sex in small, ugly, dirty places, but I couldn't stop myself. Sometimes I was afraid to look at my partner's face because I didn't want to recognize him outside of the dark, smoky world." He jumped up and paced the floor. "Until Harry, I didn't know that two men could love each other."

"Was it that way for Robert, too?" Chip looked up at Lee, pain clearly visible.

"I don't know. He shouldn't have been driven by loneliness, certainly not in your family. But I only met him that one time and I didn't notice anything about him in particular. I was so happy to be with your family, I didn't care about anything else."

"Do you know about the Admiral? I mean, is his story different from yours?" The pain in Chip's voice was so obvious that Lee wanted to hug him, but restrained himself.

"I don't know, Chip. He's never told me. Just about the time I think I understand him, he reveals yet another side to him that I didn't know about. There are so many things he never talks about. He fought in World War II, but never says a word about it. Sometimes I think he keeps his feelings and memories hidden away in his mind in a long hallway of locked closets. He's never let me in."

"Robert was quiet like that. Never said much. He always took the younger kids under his wing, taught them all -- girls too -- to play basketball." He closed his eyes. "I wish I knew why Robert killed himself. I just wish I knew what was so terrible in his life that he committed a mortal sin and separated himself from me forever."

Slumping back down on the weight bench, Lee laid his hand on Chip's shoulder. He could feel Chip shudder and didn't know what to do to comfort his friend. After a few moments of tense silence, Chip raised his head. "I better shower and change. I'm due in the control room."

Standing, Lee offered Chip a hand up. Chip smiled weakly and left the gym.

Back in his own quarters, Lee reflected on Chip's pain and the intense problems that caused Robert's death and wondered if his own life would have been easier if he could have found Charlie and Lloyd years earlier. It had taken pain and agony to put Lee and Harry in contact with the two men. It seemed that pain was the only thing that led men to Charlie and Lloyd. For Lee, it had been a crossroads in his relationship with Harry and he thanked the Fates every day for watching over fools in love.

* * * *

Mon, 28 Apr 58
Berkeley, California

The sun was high and bright when Lee opened his eyes and realized he was alone in the bed. {Where am I?} raced through his mind, triggering panic. "Harry?"

"I think he's awake," came Harry's voice from another room.

Stretching caused aching muscles to send another wave of panic through his mind.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty." Harry sat down on the bed and dropped a kiss on Lee's lips. "You looked so peaceful that I couldn't bring myself to wake you."

"You said that to me once before, in Honolulu, before you walked out." Lee closed his eyes.

"Lee, there's no way in the world that I can go back and undo the events of that night." Harry caressed Lee's face and kissed his eyes. "And even if I could go back, there's no way I could do anything differently unless I could go back with my present knowledge. You have to stop beating us up over something that neither of us can change. I made a mistake, but we have to move forward."

"He's right," Charlie said as he set a tray on the bed. "I have coffee here. If you need to get up, we have a robe for you."

Lee opened his eyes. "After last night, is a robe necessary?"

"Only if you think it is. Some men are more comfortable covered the morning after and it's important for you to feel comfortable. Since we have a lot of unprepared guests here, we keep an assortment of necessary items in the bathroom. Help yourself to whatever you need." Charlie sat on the bed.

Lee slid out of bed and took the robe that Lloyd was holding and went to the bathroom. His body was bruised but the sensation was not entirely unpleasant. The memory of watching Harry take Danny while he himself was filled to the hilt by Lloyd make his head spin. Life with Harry was never dull.

He crawled back onto the bed and sat beside Harry, wincing as he did so.

"A little sore this morning, baby boy?" Charlie asked with a look of innocence as he handed Lee coffee.

"I'd have to be some sort of robot not to be after Lloyd had a piece of me." Lee sipped the hot liquid.

"Regrets?" Harry asked, concern in his beautiful eyes.

"I don't know, I feel like you've ripped away layers of my defenses and left me with an open wound," Lee admitted.

"That's exactly what we've done, Lee," Charlie explained, "which is why I want you and Harry to stay with us for a few days."

"I can't." Anxiety and panic made Lee's heart thud. "I have to be on a plane to D.C. this afternoon and Harry --"

"Wait, laddie, there's nothing on our schedule that can't be changed. You're not due to sail just yet, so I can have your orders changed to remain here with me or I can arrange for leave, whichever is easier." Harry pulled Lee's fingers up to be kissed. "I've had a long talk with Charlie this morning and I think he's right about our staying."

"But Harry, why? We hardly know them and you want us to move in." Lee took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You probably want to tell them more of our secrets."

"I think we know them better than most. Meeting Charlie and Lloyd, and Danny, too, was not like picking up a trick in a bar. This meeting was something more intrinsic, perhaps an answer to a prayer that hadn't even been offered. If you care about us and our future relationship, I think we should stay." Harry gripped Lee's hand.

"I wish I'd been part of that conversation. I feel like you're making life and death decisions without asking me." Lee looked from Harry to the other men.

"Where's Danny?"

"Danny had class this morning. He'll be back later," Charlie answered. "As to making decisions for you, we only did what you couldn't do for yourself, and I'd like a chance to continue the healing process. We have several guest rooms which will assure you and Harry all the privacy you want."

"And what do you get out of this?" Lee asked, suspicion mixing with the panic.

"Many things," Charlie confessed, "including a chance to watch a side of gay life I rarely see. The bond between you two is very strong, which is rare, and I'd hate to see anything weaken it. The way you look at Harry would break the heart of any man in the world who wants to be loved and cherished, and if you can have those strong feelings, there's hope for every queer." He paused. "I also get to help people, and make a significant contribution to my field, and sometimes," he winked, "I get to participate in great sex."

"All of us struggle with our feelings, some sooner in life than others," Lloyd added. "If a young man confesses his homosexuality, his family and friends often shun him. Charlie and I have the opportunity to help some of those people and we'd like to help you. Will you stay?"

"Harry?" Panic threatened to choke him.

"Easy, lad, tell me what you're feeling. You look scared to death." Harry kissed the hand he was holding.

"I'm scared and I really don't know why. I seem to be in a constant state of panic lately, and I certainly don't want to go back to my job feeling like this. What if I can't control what's happening to me? I can't command other men if I don't have command of myself." Lee shivered.

"That's my point, Lee," Charlie explained. "Last night, I took a knife and opened a festered memory in your mind to release the toxins and in so doing, I created a fresh wound. With the help of your supportive lover, I started the healing process. If your injuries were to your body, no M.D. in the world would let you out of the hospital. All I'm asking you to do is let the wound heal. If you don't, instead of helping you, I've only made matters worse."

"And what would we do if we stayed? More sessions like last night?" Lee asked, unsure of what he wanted.

"Not unless you want them. No one here is going to hurt you." Charlie set his coffee cup back on the tray. "If you decide to stay, Harry's going to pick up Danny at the campus and they're going to check you out of your hotel. I have to teach today, so I'll leave you here with Lloyd. If you'll let him, he'll soak you in a wonderful deep bathtub, tend to any physical soreness that you want him to, and probably find some chores for you to do. We've found that simple physical tasks help the mind regain its balance."

"Harry, you have commitments and so do I." Lee made one last effort, still not sure what he wanted to do.

"The weight of the world does not rest on our shoulders; I think we can both take a very important vacation for the next few days." Harry put Lee's cup back on the tray. "Could we have a moment, gentlemen?"

After Charlie and Lloyd left the room, Harry gathered Lee in a tight embrace. "Be sure about this before I leave because it'll take me some time before I can be back. You've been depressed and almost paranoid the last few days. I don't want you to panic while I'm gone."

"Damn it, Harry, I'm not a baby. Will you please stop treating me like I was five years old?"

"I'm sorry, Lee, I can't help it. You're wounded, and so am I. Our pain is deeper than just the injury to our minds, our hearts are sore as well. We need time to heal, just a little time. And I know your ass is sore. I watched Lloyd take you last night and that monster would hurt anyone."

"And it turned you on so much you pounded Danny into the bed. I knew you were a dirty old man, but really Harry."

"I'm not very comfortable with that right now because I know how much it hurts you, and it's one of the things I want to talk to Charlie about. I never want to hurt you again." Harry stroked Lee's face, then leaned in to kiss him. "Can we stay?"

"I guess, just so we can be alone when we need to." Lee twisted around on the bed and groaned. "And I'll let Lloyd take care of me. But you hurry back."

Lee was surprised at the intensity when Harry kissed him, when Harry took full control and plundered Lee's mouth as if they hadn't seen each other in months. "I'll hurry."

Lying back against a stack of pillows, Lee listened to the sounds of people moving around and doors opening and closing. After a while, the house settled into a comfortable silence and Lee wondered if he was completely alone.

"Did you think I'd forgotten you?" Lloyd said as he fumbled with the door while balancing another tray. "I was getting breakfast ready and Charlie off to work. Some mornings that takes longer than others."

Lee looked at Lloyd. "Does that mean that after last night, Charlie still needed your cock this morning?"

Lloyd nodded. "I don't always understand his needs, but I do know how to satisfy them."

"How?"

"How do I know what he needs, or how do I satisfy him?" Lloyd sat the tray across Lee's lap, then settled himself comfortably on the bed.

"How do you know what he needs?" Lee sipped fresh orange juice.

"We've been together a long time and I can read his body language, but in the beginning it was a struggle to get Charlie to tell me what he wanted. It was tough until I finally understood that he needed to be dominated, that he needed me to take charge of that aspect of our lives."

Lee tentatively touched Lloyd's face. "You really understand him, don't you?"

"I think we've found a way to meet each other's needs," Lloyd grinned, "but it takes a lot of effort from both of us." Drinking coffee from a heavy mug, Lloyd asked, "What're we going to do with you today?"

"I don't usually lie around in bed all morning," Lee admitted as he drank hot coffee.

"Harry told us. He was surprised that you weren't up at sunrise and out running. Do you only run when you're depressed or hurting or do you run all the time?"

"It's my favorite form of exercise and I'd run every day if I could. On mornings like this I'm usually up at sunrise to run the soreness out of my body, but today I just can't seem to move." Lee nibbled on a piece of toast. "What do you have planned for me after breakfast?"

"Since the only clothes you have here are what you wore last night, you really aren't prepared for running, but we keep extra clothes here -- some of the boys who land on our doorstep only have what they're wearing -- and I think I can find a chore or two that'll provide you with the physical exercise you want. But first, I promised Harry I'd make sure you were all right."

"Charlie told us he's a psychologist, but what do you do?" Lee tasted the fresh fruit

"Before I met Charlie, I was a salesman. I've sold insurance, cars, sporting goods, you name it. But now I run this house, take care of our guests, take care of Charlie, cook, shop, whatever needs to be done. I've picked up a few skills over the years, like massage therapy, because Charlie learned that it's necessary to heal the mind and the body at the same time. I wish you could've come to us after you were raped so we could've helped then. We seem to have better success rates with men who can start their healing process immediately after the time of injury. It's like having a broken bone set as soon as possible. If a patient waits too long, the bone has to be rebroken before it can be set properly and that's very painful. That's what we had to do with you last night.

"Over the years, we've established friendly contacts with various medical people, and even a cop or two, who help men who need us find us. Sometimes, we find them in the bars or on the campus. And we've developed procedures that work. We've redone one of our rooms with a sauna, a large shower, a deep bathtub and a massage table. Rape victims usually want to cleanse themselves, repeatedly, as if they could wash away the ugliness of the act itself, and we try to help with that as we try to cleanse their spirits. Unless you object, I'll start you in the tub and then give you a full massage."

Lee finished his strawberries. "I promised Harry I'd let you help me, so I won't fight or fuss."

"You love him very much, don't you?"

"Does it matter? I heard Harry say just yesterday that love belongs in the straight world."

"I know. That's when Danny decided to call us. He could see that you're very much in love with each other, but you can't see it. Danny told us that if we could see the way you look at each other, we'd see it, too."

"Do you think Harry's in love with me?" Lee's heart skipped a beat.

"Of course he is, but he may not understand the feelings or be ready right now to accept such a change in his concepts. But Charlie and I will both work with him to help him understand his feelings," Lloyd promised.

"Do you think we'd ever be able to live together like you do?" Lee thought that would be heaven on earth.

"Not unless you're willing to give up your jobs and I don't think either of you is ready to do that?" Lloyd stood up. "Are you okay to walk around?"

"Lloyd, I'm not an invalid, although I might be if I spent too many nights with you." Lee managed to laugh.
* * * * *

Lee worked in the vegetable garden that afternoon, tending to the new plants Lloyd had entrusted to his care. Lloyd had promised to thrash Lee soundly if he harmed one little plant while he weeded. Sitting in the warm California sunshine doing menial work should have made him restless, but the effect was quiet the opposite. His mind was at peace for the first time in days and he thought about Harry every time he dug his hands in the moist soil. He wondered if he could give up his career to stay home like Lloyd did, but since Lee had never known anything but his military career and he'd never had a real home, his wondering was futile.

"Hi there, Lloyd said I'd find you out here." Lee turned towards the voice and saw a young slim blond standing with his back to the sun, a pose that he always admired because the sun loved blonds and made them shine.

"So who are you?"

"My name's Cary and I live here. Charlie and Lloyd rescued me about a year ago. I was hustling, trying to make enough to eat, when I got in over my head. I was given the opportunity to stay here if I went back to school and did my share of the chores around the house."

"How old are you?" Lee pulled another weed.

"Sixteen. I missed a whole year of school but Charlie and Lloyd made me go back and Lloyd rides my ass every day about grades and homework. I stay because the atmosphere here is full of freedom and love and no one makes fun of me because I'm queer." Cary started water trickling into the rows where Lee had weeded.

"When did you know you liked boys better than girls?" Lee couldn't look up as he asked the question.

"Nosy, aren't you?" Cary snapped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that. I guess I'm dealing with some things and I forgot that you probably are, too, since you're staying here."

"It's okay, we're supposed to talk. Charlie makes us talk until we're hoarse and sometimes until it really hurts, but then I guess you know that. I wanted to be in the intervention last night, but Charlie said he didn't know enough about you to predict what he'd find." Cary paused for a moment. "I'll answer your question if you'll answer one of mine."

"I guess that's fair."

"What'd Charlie find out about you last night?" Cary asked.

"Oh, one tough question deserves another kind of thing, I see." Lee smiled in spite of himself. "Okay, I was raped about four years ago and suppressed the memory. Recently my lover touched something in me that released that memory and I was not handling it or Harry very well. I didn't want to be here and I didn't want to talk until it hurt, as you described it, but I think I'm better off because I did. Okay?"

"Who raped you?"

"Now wait a minute, question for question. It's your turn." Lee scooted forward to the next area to be weeded.

"Okay, I was about thirteen and all my friends were looking at girls and I was looking at my friends. I didn't understand and I finally went to my folks to ask them why I felt like that. My dad had a screaming fit and told me to get out of his house. I lived with an aunt for a while, but I wasn't comfortable there so I ran away. I'd been worked over pretty hard by the time I got up here, and I was very angry, but Lloyd and Charlie changed my life and staying here was the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Are there many boys here?" Lee was amazed.

"Sometimes more than others, sometimes my age and sometimes the guests are men like you. It just depends on who needs Charlie and Lloyd. They've never turned anyone away that I know about." Cary moved the water. "How long are you going to be here?"

"I don't know yet. Not long because I have a job to get back to on the east coast, but probably a few days."

"Lee?"

"I'm back here." It seemed like hours since he'd heard Harry's voice.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked as he walked around the side of the house.

"I'm doing okay," Lee said as he rose to his feet to take Harry in his arms. "I'll be better when you kiss me." Lee surrendered his mouth to Harry, forgetting everything else in the world.

When Lee finally released Harry, Danny moved in for a hug and quickly kissed Lee.

"Hey, can I do that?" Cary asked.

"Not yet, kid, you have to have some history with Lee before he lets you take liberties with his beautiful body," Danny said.

"History, my ass, you met him yesterday," Cary threw back.

"Actually, I met him Friday night, but it's quite a history." Danny took the hose from Cary. "Lloyd wants you in the house right now."

As he trotted away, Cary yelled back over his shoulder, "You guys better not have any fun out here."

"Smart-ass kid," Danny commented. "Lee, Lloyd said for you to come back to the house with Harry. Let me finish this."

"Does Lloyd give all the orders around here?" Lee settled back down and pulled another weed.

"Mostly, yeah, why?"

"Because, Danny, I'd really like to finish this job and I'm sure you've got other things to do." Lee worked his fingers through the soil. "Harry could stay and help."

"I know, you haven't seen him since this morning and that's been too long," Danny teased. "I've seen how you react when Harry walks into a room. Your eyes light up like someone just plugged in the Christmas tree. And I know when I'm not wanted, so I'll go torment the kid." Danny laughed as he loped over the grass.

"I see you're dressed in casual clothes so you can get down here and help, or did you just plan on watching me?" Lee smiled at his lover.

"You're feeling better, aren't you?" Harry knelt down next to Lee and kissed him again.

"I feel at peace and I haven't had a panic attack since I got over your leaving this morning. Lloyd had me soak in that wonderful tub with water up to my chin until I looked like a prune, then he massaged every muscle in my body."

"Even this one?" Harry asked as he fondled Lee's crotch.

"Not today. But he did say he'd like a chance before we leave." Lee wrapped his arms around his lover and ravaged his mouth. When he came up for air, he continued, "I want to spend tonight alone with you. Last night everyone kept telling me I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do, and when I said I didn't want to do it, you made me do it anyway. Tonight, I need to be alone with you."

"We all know that. I want to be alone with you, too. Charlie put us in one of the guest cottages not connected to the house. He's aware of your needs and he's helping me to be aware of them. He said we needed time tonight." Harry squeezed Lee's cock, then released it.

"Are you seeing Charlie, I mean for private sessions?" Lee asked.

"Are you asking me if I'm sleeping with him, or talking to him?"

"Both, I guess."

"I won't have sex with Charlie without your knowledge and consent," Harry promised, "but I do need to talk to him."

"Why?"

"Because I have my own demons and I'd rather not have to face them the way we made you face yours. Even with all the caring in that room, your pain was palpable."

"And it frightened you?" Lee asked, raising his eyes to Harry's.

"Scared the pants off me," Harry confessed, perfectly serious. "But you don't trust me to help you?"

"I'm not sure who I trust, but I do know I want to try never to hurt you again because right now I don't seem to understand the needs of either of us."

"Maybe we can learn to help each other."

"I hope so." Harry kissed Lee.

"So, what are you going to do when you finish the weeding?"

"I'm supposed to help Lloyd with dinner and with clean-up. I'm not sure why I have to work and you don't." Lee smiled and returned to the weeding.

"I had other things to do today and I arranged for us to stay for the rest of the week. Charlie wants me to help him arrange some funding because he needs more facilities and amenities here and he wants to be able to help more men at a time. They do all of this on Charlie's salary and some local contributions."

"Does he have realistic plans and a proposed budget or just pipe dreams?" Lee asked.

"Some of both, which is why he wants my help. I owe him a lot --"

"*We* owe him a lot."

"Okay, *we* owe him a lot and I want to do what I can. I'm not sure what I can do through the regular channels, but I'm going to try, so don't fuss at me for not helping with the dishes." Harry sat back and watched Lee pull weeds.

"Or with the weeding?" Lee leaned forward and dropped a kiss on Harry's mouth. "Why don't you go on in and work with Charlie. I'd like to finish this. But don't plan on working all night. I'm sure Charlie could use a little rest as well. Promise me."

"I promise. And I'll see you later." Harry caressed Lee's ass before he strolled across the lawn and into the house.
* * * * *

"This room is rather cozy, don't you think?" Lee asked as he and Harry prepared for bed. "I feel safe here."

"It's not the Roosevelt and there's no room service, but it does have a good feel." Harry caressed Lee's hands. "Are you going to have dish-pan hands and calluses from all your manual labor?"

"I dried and you only get dish-pan hands from washing so you don't have to worry about me." Lee laughed and it felt really good. "Lloyd told me I should put you in the big tub tonight and practice my massage techniques. He said they wouldn't need the room tonight, so if you'll dispose of your clothes and grab your robe, we have a date."

That isn't necessary, we can just go to bed."

"If I've learned nothing else today, it's that what Lloyd says around this house is law and no one, and I mean no one, argues with him, and that includes you, Admiral, sir. Now, get those clothes off." Lee found his running suit in his duffel bag and slipped on the soft pants.

Later, while Harry was soaking in the deep tub, Lee sat behind him and massaged his shoulders. "You're tight, old man, and not where it counts."

"I guess the last few days have been a little tense for both of us, and as strong as Charlie appears, things are a little tense for him as well."

"Did you review the numbers?" Lee kissed Harry's neck.

"Yeah, and he could use some money in a hurry. He's really worried about a number of things and it'll take me some time to arrange what help I can give him." Harry reached for the sides of the tub. "I think I've reached prune stage. Help me out. It's too bad this thing wasn't designed for two."

"This room's for therapeutic use. The playroom is for other activities." Lee wrapped a towel around Harry to dry him. "Lloyd had me in here for a long time today and he lectured while he worked."

"I know the healing will take some time but you seem to be remarkably well balanced tonight, and I'm very glad." Harry kissed Lee's mouth before getting on the massage table.

"Lloyd has been at my side most of the day, which was very reassuring, but I was glad when he left me alone in the garden. I really needed to do some mindless task and not think or feel or talk or anything for a while." Lee helped Harry to stretch out on the table on his stomach, then went for oil and pushed the button that started the soft music. "You never did tell me how much money Charlie needs."

"Twenty thousand would cover everything he needs to do right now, but he doesn't have the ability to raise that. This place isn't exactly a recognized charity so he can't go through regular channels. I think I can help some once I get back to my office, at least I hope I can help." Harry sighed. "You have such wonderful hands."

Lee worked slowly over Harry's body, covering each set of muscles as Lloyd had instructed when Lee had been on the table. "Lloyd said this was one of the most important things a couple could do for each other, regardless of gender. It can have sexual overtones or not, depending on the needs of the individual."

"You might find this individual can't respond to sexual overtones tonight," Harry admitted.

"You might not be the only one. Yesterday was certainly more challenging that our usual couplings. I don't think I'd mind curling up with you for cuddles and kisses tonight, I just didn't want to be around a lot of other people. But I do want to be in your arms." Lee worked his way down Harry's back, taking time to do the arms and hands. Then he started at the feet and worked his way up to Harry's ass.

"Oh, laddie, I thought we'd agreed to cuddle and kiss." Harry squirmed on the table. "What are you doing back there?"

"I'm just doing what Lloyd taught me earlier today. He explained that he liked to examine his *victims* to make sure he hadn't done any damage. He said he'd tried to be gentle with me, but didn't always manage it in the heat of passion. He said using this special lotion all around and inside the bruised area sometimes helped relieve discomfort and you know I was having trouble walking this morning." Lee placed a kiss on each of Harry's cheeks and ran his finger across the balls nestled between Harry's legs. "How do you feel?"

"Very relaxed and very sleepy. I'm afraid if you don't let me up, I might go to sleep right here." Harry yawned. "What time is it anyway?"

"I left my watch in our room, but I think it's around eleven. You just stay put while I clean up, then we'll go to bed."
* * * * *

Tue 29 Apr 58
Berkeley, California

Lee woke to a loud pounding on the door. "Up, guys, we have a crisis, and Charlie wants both of you to help."

"Danny, is that you?" Lee mumbled as he untangled himself from Harry.

"Yeah. Open the door."

"Just a minute. I'm coming." Lee reached for the bedside light and then his robe. He stumbled across the room and opened the door.

"What's up?"

"Our doctor friend called from the ER. He's sending Charlie a rape victim and Charlie wants both of you to help us. He said it would be good therapy for you and he could use the extra hands. This guy's in bad shape, according to the medical report." Danny handed Lee a handful of clothes.

"What's this?"

"Lloyd didn't know what kind of clothes you had, so he sent some scrubs. If you get wet or dirty, it won't matter in these. Come up to the house as soon as you get dressed."

"Harry," Lee said sharply as Danny left, "Harry, wake up."

"Ummmm, what? What time is it?" Harry mumbled.

"A little after three a.m. Charlie has a new guest on the way and he wants our help." Lee sat on the bed and caressed Harry's face.

"What kind of help?" Harry rubbed his eyes.

"Danny said it was a rape victim. That's all I know." Lee loved to see the sleep-tousled red hair against the white pillow case. It made Harry look like a little boy. "It sounds urgent."
* * * * *

As they headed towards the main house, Lee could see that all the lights were on. Entering through the kitchen, they found Lloyd making coffee. "Oh, good, I was hoping you two would be easy to rouse. Our patient should be here any time. Charlie's on the phone with the emergency-room doctor."

"Could you tell us what's going on?" Lee said as he took cups from the cabinet.

"Kenneth called from the hospital and told Charlie he had a rape victim who had apparently been beaten as well. As you know, men who've been raped are treated indifferently by the main-stream medical profession, so we try to intervene when we can."

"Who's Kenneth?"

"An M.D. friend of ours, Dr. Powers, who works emergency medicine. He and Charlie help each other."

As the coffee perking slowed and stopped in the large pot, Lloyd poured the hot liquid into the cups. "Going to be a long night, or at least what's left of it." Grabbing two cups, he headed out the door. "Come along." Danny and Cary, also dressed in scrubs, were waiting in the living room. "Coffee's ready," Lloyd said as he went into Charlie's study.

Before Lee could finish his coffee, an ambulance pulled up quietly in front of the house. Lee followed Danny and Cary out the front door and watched as the driver and an attendant pulled a gurney from the back of the vehicle.

"How bad is he, Peter," Danny asked as he offered assistance.

"Light sedative. Dr. Powers will be along as soon as he can get away from the hospital. Some jerk really did a number on this guy. I hope Dr. Bamia can help him."

Looking at Lee, Danny said, "It always sounds so strange to hear someone call Charlie *Dr. Bamia*." Returning his attention to the gurney, he said, "Let's get him inside."

In the therapy room a sheet had been draped over the massage table and Lee helped lift the injured man from the gurney onto the table. As the attendant rolled the gurney out, Harry followed Charlie into the room.

"Dr. Bamia," said the man Danny had called Peter, "here're the x-rays. Dr. Powers said he'd bring the rest of the test results when he comes later this morning."

"Thanks, Peter. I did get a chance to talk to Kenneth. There's coffee. Lloyd, why don't you take care of Peter and George while we start in here?"

Lloyd followed the men out and gently closed the door.

"What do you want us to do?" Lee asked.

"We have to tend to his physical wounds as well as his emotional wounds. If we'd found you at this stage, this is the way we'd have treated you, and I hope we can spare this man some agony. He was found in an alley, no clothes, no anything, bruised, beaten, raped, and apparently left to die. We won't know the extent of the emotional damage until we can talk to him, so for now let's make him as comfortable as possible before he wakes up." Charlie lifted the bloody sheet from around the man's body, revealing a number of small cuts and large bruises, which were turning black.

"Oh my God," Harry said, reaching to hold Lee. "Who did this to him?"

"I don't know," Charlie shrugged. "We never know. Maybe he was tricking, maybe he just picked up a guy from the wrong bar. Men with a need to inflict pain aren't restricted to beating on women. Some men need to inflict pain to get off, other men are out to do a little fag bashing. Our guest has been raped, probably several times by one or more men. There's no way to tell yet. Kenneth pulled some fluids but there's no way to know, unless our guest can tell us."

Lloyd came back in the room. "The ambulance is gone and everything is locked." He gave Charlie a reassuring look. "Lee, I want you to start cleaning his lower body while Danny and Cary start on the upper body. Lloyd will show you what to do, but Lee, I want you doing the work."

Charlie stepped back and motioned Harry to follow. Lee noticed Cary for the first time. The boy was white as a sheet. "Is this how I looked?" he whispered.

Danny wrapped his arms around Cary. "You didn't have the cuts, but there were some cigarette burns. And I cleaned you, as gently as you're going to clean him."

"Let's start with his back," Lloyd directed. "Help me turn him over."

Lee tried not to flinch, remembering the wounds to his own body and understood what Cary must be feeling. He gasped when he saw the damage to the buttocks and lower legs. "What'd they do to him?"

"Looks like knife wounds. Not deep or life-threatening, just very painful," Lloyd commented as he handed Lee astringent and sterile cleansing pads. "Do the internal areas first, like we talked about this morning. We'll apply antibacterial cream on those external lacerations around the anus. Kenneth didn't indicate any internal damage, but we'll have him re-examined to make sure."

Stepping around the table he gave instructions to Cary. As he poured the clear liquid on the sterile pad, Lee's hands were shaking. He could feel the pain of each injury as he stared at this man; it ripped through his heart and mind until he thought he would vomit.

"Easy, laddie," Harry whispered as he stepped behind Lee and supported his arms. "We'll do it together. Charlie said this was as important for us as it is for this man."

"Why?" Lee asked as he let Harry place his hand on the stranger's buttock. Wiping gently to remove the blood and other substances, Lee asked again, "Why?"

"Why was he raped or why does Charlie want you to help clean him?" Harry wrapped a supportive arm around Lee's waist and steadied him as he began to work.

"I don't know. I just want to know why this violence is necessary." Lee leaned against Harry.

"If we knew that, this would be an easier world. For now, Charlie wants you to help this man, to understand that while we can't stop the violence, we can help the victims recover." Harry pressed a kiss to Lee's neck.

When they had finished with the back of the stranger's body, the men gently rolled him over to begin work on the front. Lee tenderly washed the genitals, noting the unnecessary bruising on the inner thighs. He knew men could inflict this damage because it had been done to him, but he would never understand why. The wounds were cleaned and dressed and the man's body was carefully covered with a clean sheet before he woke up.

Charlie had positioned everyone in couples so that the stranger's first sight of them would be as comforting and reassuring as possible. Lee stood behind Harry, embracing him, supporting and being supported. He had lived alone with pain all his life and here were total strangers willing to share, to give freely, to provide what support they could. It was a world Lee had never imagined, much less seen. He kissed Harry's ear.

"Where am I?" the stranger mumbled as he struggled to open his eyes.

"With friends," Charlie assured him. "The doctor from the hospital emergency room sent you to me. My name is Charlie. This is my lover, Lloyd. Over there we have Harry and Lee and the youngsters are Danny and Cary. Dr. Powers will be by later this morning to make sure you're all right."

Lloyd stepped away from Charlie and poured a glass of water which he helped the stranger to drink. "You didn't have any identification on you when you were found. Would you like to tell us your name?"

"Steven." Panic and fear flashed in his blue eyes. "Do you know what happened to me?"

"Not the details," Charlie answered, "but the act, we're all too familiar with here. It was just a few months ago that Cary was in the position you're in now. Try to relax. Your body has been cleaned and we can provide you with clothes. Would you like us to move you to a more comfortable bed or would you prefer to bathe first?"

"I don't understand." Steven clutched the sheet in his fists. "Last night a group of men tried to kill me and now another bunch of guys is telling me you're my friends."

"You don't have to stay here," Charlie assured. "If there's someone for you to call, I'll be happy to provide the phone."

Steven closed his eyes and was silent. Cary reached to touch his hand. "You don't have to be alone now. Let us help you. I've been there, I know what you're feeling. So does Lee."

"Any reason we can't put him in the tub?" Lloyd asked Charlie.

"None that I can see. X-rays looked good. Kenneth didn't give me any specifics. Blood work wasn't back when I talked to him," Charlie replied.

"Would you like to get in that tub full of hot water?" Cary pointed to the deep tub.

"It gets my vote," Harry smiled.

"I can just get up and walk out or I can let you guys help me?" Steven looked skeptical.

"Walking could be a problem," Danny observed, "but if you want to leave, I'll drive you. I'd recommend you stay, particularly if you don't have a good place to live."

"And the bathtub?" Steven asked. "Does it help?"

"Makes you feel cleaner and the hot water helps relieve the aches." Charlie checked Steven's pulse. "I can give you something for pain, if you want."

"How about a little privacy?" Steven tried to sit up. "We can't leave you completely alone, but most of us could leave." Charlie placed Steven's hand on top of the sheet. "I'd like for Cary and Lee to stay and help you. It's part of their therapy. The rest of us will leave, but we'll be close by if you need us."

"Therapy? I don't understand." Steven allowed Cary and Danny to help him sit up.

"I'm a psychologist, Steven," explained Charlie. "That's why Dr. Powers sent you here. Lloyd and I have turned our home into a place to help men like you at a time when you need help badly. These other men are here because they also needed our help in one form or another. The men who stay here are expected to help one another. If you stay, you'll be assigned chores, but your first goal is to heal. Cary and Lee are in various stages of healing. Lee went through the same thing you did, all alone, and I think he'll tell you that what we're offering you is much better than what he went through. And helping you heal, helps them heal."

"I'd like something for the pain and then I'd like to try your bathtub. After that, I think I'd rather wait and see." Steven swayed as he tried to step down from the table.

"Just sit, Steven. Let us do it," Charlie suggested. "Lee, do you think you could let go of Harry long enough to start the water running?"

Turning Harry around in his arms, Lee met his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him.

"It's okay, laddie, I'll not go far." Harry stepped away from Lee.

"How hot, Lloyd?" Lee asked.

"As hot as he can stand it. His body is a mass of cuts, bruises and very sore muscles." Lloyd tested the temperature. "That should be good. Danny, you can help me with breakfast while Charlie and Harry wait for Kenneth. Danny, do we have a room ready?"

"I cleaned the blue room yesterday. Everything's okay," Danny assured him and headed out the door.

"Lee," said Charlie, "just yell if you encounter anything you and Cary can't handle."

"Yes, sir," Lee answered as he moved a stool in place for Steven to step down.

"Steven, is there anyone I should notify?" Charlie asked.

Steven shook his head and let Lee take the sheet.

"Easy," Lee suggested as he and Cary held Steven between them and helped him into the deep tub. "How's the temperature?"

"Okay."

Before Lee took his seat beside the tub, he pressed the button that filled the room with chamber music. The three of them sat for a long time in silence.

"Now what?" Steven asked.

"You soak, you relax, you talk or you don't. We're here to see that you don't fall or slip in the tub. We're also here to remind ourselves that what happened to us was not our fault, that rape is a crime of violence, and no one has the right to commit that type of crime." Cary reached a hand across the tub to Lee, who took it. "Lee?"

"What do you want me to say, Cary?" Lee squeezed the boy's hand. "I just got here. I'm still reeling from what Charlie made me do, how can I help anyone else?"

"By convincing Steven that dealing with this event now is better than dealing with it later. Charlie helped me see that I had to do it one way or the other; he also made me understand that if I dealt with it sooner, I'd have less pain." Cary gripped the side of the tub with his free hand. "I wish I could at least massage your shoulders. Touching helps."

"I'm too sore," Steven said. "Lee, what'd Charlie do to you?"

Panic ripped through Lee and he desperately wished Harry was still in the room. He needed Harry's strength. Looking at his hands, Lee realized that both Cary and Steven needed strength as well and that he had been assigned to provide that. He took a deep breath. "I was raped."

"And?" prompted Cary.

"Just saying it is difficult enough." Lee played with Cary's fingers.

"I know, but we have to learn to say it and not feel guilty or responsible for what happened. Nobody deserves this kind of punishment. Rape is an act of violence that we didn't ask for. Most important, we have to learn how to get on with our lives," Cary continued.

"How old are you?" Steven asked Cary.

"I'm old enough to know that the deal I got from Charlie and Lloyd is the best offer I've had in this life." Cary pulled his hand loose from Lee's. "I have the chance to be who I am and the freedom to explore my choices in life without fear. And it was the rape that brought me here. They would've let me in if I'd knocked on their door, but I didn't know they were here."

"And you think I should stay here and let them help me, too?" Steven looked up at Cary.

"Yes. Unless you want the rape to scar you for the rest of your life," Cary stared at Lee, "or unless you have someone waiting for you at home who loves you as much as Harry loves Lee."

"No home. No one who loves me." Steven dropped his head to his chest.

Taking Steven's hand, Cary continued, "Then stay here and let Charlie and Lloyd help you."

Steven nodded and a tear trailed down each cheek.

"May I come in?" Charlie asked as he pushed open the door. "How're we doing?"

"Steven's decided to stay." Cary stood up and moved away from the tub.

"That right, Steven?" Charlie asked.

"Yes." Steven wiped his face and lifted his hand to Charlie, who took it.

"Ready to get out?" Charlie asked. Steven nodded. "Cary, please hand me a towel from the cabinet, then you better get to the kitchen. Lloyd has your breakfast ready and you have school."

"Aw, Charlie, do I have to go to school today?" Cary handed Charlie the towel and met his stare. "Okay, I'll go to school." He kissed Charlie on the mouth and left the room.

"Lee, help me get Steven out of the tub," Charlie directed.

"How can I touch him without hurting him?"

"Hold your arm like this so Steven can hold onto you and pull himself up. When he's standing, put your arm around his waist and help him step out of the tub. I'll dry him. Then, Steven, we'll get you some clothes." Charlie held the towel.

When Steven was wrapped in the large white towel, Charlie said to Lee, "Why don't you go get some breakfast. Kenneth is here to see Steven and I know how difficult this has been on you."

"I'd rather stay with Steven," Lee said, unsure why he wanted to do so.

"Fine. He'll need someone to sit with him after he's seen Kenneth. So, you take a few minutes, find some dry clothes and at least have coffee." Charlie stroked Lee's face. "Go.
" * * * * *

"Lee?" Harry's words were as soft as his kiss. "Wake up, laddie."

"Ummmmm? What?" Lee mumbled.

"You fell asleep in the chair. Steven's asleep, so why don't you go back to our room and let me take over here?" Harry ran his fingers across Lee's cheek.

"How long have I been asleep?" Lee tried to shake the cobwebs out of his head.

"Don't know. I've been busy with Charlie. It's nearly noon and I thought you might like a break."

Stretching in the chair, Lee smiled up at Harry. "Help me up?"

Harry pulled Lee up and into an embrace. "Is this your chore for the day?"

"Lloyd hasn't assigned me a task yet. I just needed to stay with Steven. He's so vulnerable right now and I don't want anything else to happen to him. I don't want him to have to be alone with the pain." Lee held onto Harry.

"You can trust him to me, can't you?"

"Yes."

"Then go get something to eat, maybe take a nap and I'll stay with Steven for a while. You're still wearing those scrubs. Why don't you catch a hot shower and change clothes? He won't be alone, I promise." Harry kissed Lee.

In the kitchen Lee found Lloyd putting food together for a light lunch. "You okay?" he asked Lee.

"Yeah. Harry thought I needed a break and I guess he's right." Lee picked up a sandwich from the plate Lloyd was preparing. "I need to run. Can I do that?"

"Of course. You're not a prisoner here." Lloyd placed his hand on Lee's shoulder.

"I know, but you said you had chores for me to do."

"Lee, you're in the healing process. We want you to do whatever helps you heal and I know you like to run. Go do what you need to do, then find me when you get back." Lloyd dropped a kiss on Lee's forehead and went back to the food preparation.

Lee stopped by their room just long enough to slip into running shorts and shoes, then ran until he was out of breath and his legs hurt. He felt like it had all been uphill. He stopped by a bus stop bench to stretch his leg muscles and catch his breath.

His mind was whirling from everything that had happened in the last few days. His life had been ripped open for all to see. Things he had hidden even from himself were now exposed. He did not know how he had expected Harry to react, but he knew he had his lover's support and the support of Charlie and Lloyd for reasons he could not begin to understand, or repay.

It was as if he had been transported to a different planet where he could be himself, love Harry without being condemned for it, and be free among other men.

Suddenly, he remembered Harry's concern that Charlie needed money he could not raise. Money. Lee had plenty. More than he could ever use in one lifetime, or want to use, for that matter.

Spying a phone booth at a service station across the street, Lee jogged to it. He did not carry change when he ran but decided this call could not wait. He waited on the line as the operator placed his call, and he went through the routine of being transferred to his father's office.

"Mr. Crane's office." Lee recognized the voice as belonging to his father's long time secretary, Gloria Cameron.

"I have a collect call from Lee Crane for Mr. Leland Crane," said the operator.

"Yes, operator, I'll accept the call." After several metallic clicks, she said, "Hello, Lee, I'm sorry but your father's not in right now."

"That's all right, Gloria, I'd rather talk to you. I'm standing in a public phone booth, so I need to make this fast. I have a set of instructions I'd like you to give my father." Lee leaned his head against the cool glass of the booth and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm ready, Lee."

"I want these instructions followed to the letter. I want money withdrawn from whatever accounts my father chooses and a cashier's check made out to Dr. Charles Bamia, that's B-A-M-I-A, in the amount of twenty five thousand dollars. I want it mailed to him at Psychology Department of the University of California in Berkeley, so that it arrives this next Monday. It is not to arrive before that time."

"A doctor, Lee? Are you all right?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. He's doing some important work and I want to be of assistance, but I don't want him to know it's from me. This is to be strictly confidential. Is that understood?"

"Of course."

"Then I want arrangements made to send Dr. Bamia a check for one thousand dollars at the beginning of each month for a period of one year. I'll review the need for funds by Dr. Bamia at that time. Any questions?"

"Your father will want to know if you're ill."

"My father doesn't care whether I'm ill or not, he only cares about where the money goes." The bitterness choked Lee as he tried to keep his voice even. "This is my money, and these are my instructions, and I must insist they be followed to the letter. I'm involved in a top-secret project and can't be reached by telephone. I'll call you back tomorrow to make sure my instructions have been followed. My father can talk to me then or he can call me next week. I'll be back in my Washington apartment Sunday evening."

"Lee, please don't be angry with me. We've known each other a long time. Just reassure me that you're all right."

"I didn't mean to be rude. And I may be better now than I've ever been in my life. I'll be able to stay that way if my father will follow my instructions and not intrude or investigate. This money is important to people who are important to me, but I don't want them to know it's from me. Will you do this for me?"

"Yes, Lee, I'll take care of it. The firm has your power of attorney, not just your father. Would you like one of the other partners to handle this, so that there's less chance of a connection with the Crane name?"

"Yes, that might handle the problem nicely. I'll still call tomorrow to confirm that everything's been done. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Lee. And take care of yourself. Good-bye."

The phone buzzed in his ear. Lee replaced the receiver and slumped against the side of the booth. He hoped his father would honor the request not to investigate either Charlie's use of the money or Lee's motive for donating it. Lee knew how little effort it would take to uncover his and Harry's secret life. But then he realized the vague uneasiness he felt was more than balanced by the vital work Charlie and Lloyd were doing for so many men, not just for Harry and himself. Charlie and Lloyd needed money and Lee had it in abundance. It was time to take the risk. He headed back to the house, his heart lighter.
* * * * *

Sat 03 May 58
Berkeley, California

Saturday morning found Lee helping Lloyd with laundry. Lee had spent most of his life in a military environment where mundane maintenance chores were done by someone else. He didn't cook or clean or even think about those things and now he had spent the last week doing household chores and helping other people. When he left here tomorrow, he knew he would miss the calm of this house almost as much as he would miss Harry. Maybe they could come back here the next time they could manage a vacation. Toting a basket of wet sheets to the backyard, Lee smiled at what he imagined his father's facial expression would be if he could see Lee now. Lloyd believed sheets needed sunshine to smell fresh and no one argued with Lloyd.

"Still playing housewife, I see," Harry chuckled as he grabbed Lee around the waist.

"Just earning my keep." Lee turned in Harry's arms to be kissed. "This has been a unique experience and part of me wishes we could stay here."

"Are you willing to give up your career, everything you've worked for, to hang laundry on the line?" The Admiral was deadly serious.

"No, sir, I'm not. This place is a fantasyland and while I think it would be good for us to come back here again, I can't hide here, not even to be able to sleep with you every night." He pulled another sheet from the empty basket. "Give me a hand. Besides, you know the Navy wouldn't let me go now since they just invested a lot of money to increase my education."

"Do you know when you go back to sea?" Harry pinned the sheet to the line.

"I still have to finish my thesis if I want my Master's. If I put my nose to the grindstone, I should be able to finish it in three months."

"We could plan to be together to celebrate when you finish. Would that help motivate you?" Harry pulled the last sheet from the basket.

"Wouldn't hurt. It'd be wasteful to stop when I'm so close to finishing it. Maybe we could come back here."

"Maybe." Harry picked the basket up. "Charlie wants to see us together this morning."

"After private sessions all week, are you finally going to tell me your deep dark secrets? Since you know mine, I think I should know yours." Lee draped his arm around Harry's shoulders as they walked across the yard.

"I may not be ready, laddie, so please don't push me too hard. As strange as it seems, we both have fragile spots in our armor. I'm working with Charlie, but I may not be ready to share it with you. I need you to be patient with me."

In Charlie's study that served as his office, Lee sat next to Harry on the sofa and reached for his hand. "Is this going to be as difficult as all the rest of my hours in here?" Lee asked, unsettled by a quick flash of panic.

"I don't think so." Charlie filled his pipe. "You're leaving tomorrow and there're some things I want to tell you both. I wish you lived or worked closer so we could continue some counseling, but you're both strong men and if you promise to call me when you need me, then I won't worry. And I want you to know that when you return to this area, I want to see you." Charlie drew on the pipe. "What I do here is hardly orthodox, and would be frowned upon by my fellows, but I've found that what I do in my unorthodox world works for some people, like I think it's worked for you."

"Charlie," Lee said as he squeezed Harry's hand, "I think if it hadn't been for you and Lloyd, and even Danny and the others, my own problems might have destroyed our relationship."

"Lee, they weren't, and aren't, just your problems. It was my actions that pushed your suppressed memories to the surface, memories that your relationship with me caused in the first place." Harry kissed Lee's fingers.

"You've both acknowledged to me your feelings, your wants, your desires, and your fears. I want to tell you as a couple where I think you need work. Lee, your obsession with Harry is demanding and sometimes suffocating." Charlie held up his hand when Lee started to object. "Hear me out. I understand the strength of your emotions and the events that released them. Harry was as unprepared for your reaction as you were. You're in a career field that keeps you separated for long periods and in hiding, but both of you feel your careers are important, maybe more important than your relationship. But that's a topic for another day.

"Harry is learning some new and frightening things about himself. You both need room to grow as individuals and as a couple. I'm going to make a suggestion that may be uncomfortable, but I want you to think about it. I want you to talk about everything, when time allows, but I don't want you to deny yourself sexual release just because you can't be together."

Anger flared in Lee, but he forced himself to be calm. "You want to sleep with Harry."

Charlie met Lee's eyes and held the look. "Yes, I do, and he wants to sleep with me, but he won't break his promise to you and I wouldn't ask him to. I would, however, ask you to consider his needs very carefully. While Harry's relationship with you has opened your emotions within you, it's also opened some new emotions within Harry. During the ten months you went bar hopping, Harry closed himself off, not seeing anyone or seeking release of the sexual tension that builds up in all of us. He needs to do some experimentation of his own. I can tell you, Lee, that Harry loves you because I can see it. I can also tell you that Harry must come to this understanding by himself, and it may take a while."

"So you're telling me that in order for my lover to declare his love for me, I have to let him sleep with anyone he chooses?" Lee worked very hard to control his temper.

"Don't sit on your anger, Lee, don't hide it from me or from Harry," Charlie warned. "I'm telling you that you must give Harry freedom to find himself and his feelings. On the other hand, you need to find your own balance with your own feelings and sexuality."

"And if I find I can't do that?" Lee squirmed on the sofa.

"You can use the guilt Harry feels about himself and his needs to tie him to you, but it'll fester with frustration and two years from now, or five years from now, your relationship will explode in your face the way it almost did this time." Charlie got up from his desk to pace the floor. "We live outside the normal bounds of society and even if we didn't, society's rules dictate that in a normal relationship a woman must give up her freedom, her intelligence, her needs in order to accommodate the man she calls husband. It's a crock of shit and binds creative, bright women into a form of slavery that denies their contributions. And it doesn't work. We've created an unnatural environment and forced both men and women to live in it. It's going to come apart at the seams someday because it was never meant to be. In order to create a lasting relationship, we have to create rules that fit our needs. That's true for any couple, but imperative for a homosexual couple."

"I don't understand any of this. I just want to be with Harry, and I thought Harry wanted to be with me."

Lee looked at Harry, who turned to kiss him. "I do want to be with you but I seem to be driven to experiment with what I feel. I guess I need to prove to myself that it's real." Harry kissed Lee again. Lee's whirling thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in, Lloyd," Charlie invited, as he placed two chairs opposite the sofa. "I'm glad you could join us." He opened his arms to his lover and took his time kissing Lloyd.

Lloyd settled Charlie in one of the chairs, then moved behind him to massage his shoulders. "Let me see if I can guess where we are. Lee's figured out that you want to sleep with Harry and he's angry. Harry's working to discover and understand his own feelings and the guilt about what he's discovered."

Charlie nodded, "That pretty much covers it."

"This isn't the least bit amusing," Lee yelled.

"No, it's not," Lloyd continued, "but it's not the end of the world either. You two are the most disruptive force we've seen in a long time. Lee, you're so goddamn gorgeous, all of us want a piece of you. Now, now, don't get angry, and don't hide your beauty behind that smoldering, serious expression. I understand why you're afraid of your beauty, but there are ways to handle it."

"He is beautiful," Harry said as he stroked Lee's face.

"But so are you, Harry," Lloyd admitted, "and, in my opinion, the more disruptive force in my household."

"Me, disruptive? I don't understand," Harry said.

"If Charlie only wanted to sleep with you, I'd never bat an eyelash because our relationship goes so much deeper than mere sex. But you've given him something more, something I can't give him, and that worries me a little."

"What are you talking about?" Lee sat up straighter.

"Do you understand the age-old question *Who counsels the counselor?*" Charlie asked as he leaned back into Lloyd's hands. "I counsel all kinds of men -- students, troubled teenagers, men who've been raped -- and Lloyd stands beside me all the way. But Harry touched something deeper in me, provided a support that I wasn't aware I needed. I think we have the beginning of a strong friendship and I want to explore it. What I feel for Harry is not something that competes with what I share with Lloyd or what Harry shares with you, Lee, but something that touches me on a different level. Perhaps it has something to do with our close ages or educations or religious backgrounds. Also, since I believe that all relationships have a sexual aspect, I wish to explore my feelings for Harry with Harry, and since you're a part of his life, I'd like to share them with you, and since Lloyd's a part of my life -- well, do you understand?"

"You want another orgy," Lee stated flatly.

"Part of what I do is research my own beliefs. For example, I believe that human beings possess only a basic genetic instruction for rutting to procreate. All the other aspects of sexuality must be learned. The question is where do we go to learn about our sexual needs and how to perform sexually? Think about this for a moment: Where do we learn about sex? Lee, where did you first learn about sex?" Charlie asked.

Heat rose in Lee's face. He looked at Harry, who nodded. "From the other boys in school."

"That's generally where children learn about sex, from other children who don't know much either," Charlie continued. "At home, children are discouraged and sometimes punished for exploring their own bodies. Masturbation is condemned as a sin. A woman is forced to remain virginal and is then expected to please the man who is her husband on her wedding night! Lack of sexual education leads to frustration in normal marriages as well as homosexual relationships.

"I wish to teach those men who pass through here some of the important aspects of pleasing and being pleased in a sexual relationship. I also want to demonstrate that emotional well-being is equally important. Lee, what are you grinning about?" Charlie asked.

"I was just remembering that Harry said something like that the first time we made love." Lee squeezed Harry's hand.

"Of course he did," Charlie smiled. "What I'm doing here is to explore my feelings for the three men in this room on a basic level that I think all men experience. I do not want to destroy any existing relationships, but to build new ones to exist alongside the old ones. I don't want to be just your counselor, I want all of us to be friends because I think our lives will be enriched." Charlie turned to look at Lloyd. "Do you feel threatened by that prospect?"

"No, but only because I know you so well and I trust you. I don't think Lee and Harry know how to trust each other on that level, but I think they should learn." Lloyd leaned down and kissed Charlie. "So what'd you have in mind?"

Lee gripped Harry's hands tightly. "I want the four of us to go to Flutterbys tonight. I've reserved a room with a hot tub and I want us to explore every aspect of our relationship as four men with needs undefined by anyone or anything." Charlie held his hands out to Lee and Harry. "Remember, a bunch of old, celibate men in drag have sat in Rome for hundreds of years dictating the sexual rules for millions of people. I've seen more minds twisted by those rules than anything else. I want us to be free, at least for one evening, to explore a world where we make the rules for our own sexuality."

"I gave up the church a long time ago," Harry said.

"No, Harry, you walked away from the church, but the guilt you're feeling tells me the church and its rules exert some control over your heart and soul. You have to recognize who made the rules before you can obey them, challenge them, or change them. Until you're completely comfortable with your own sexuality, having defined it yourself, you'll never be able to mount a battle against the discrimination of queers in the world or even in the military you both believe in." Charlie paused for a moment. "I believe the two of you have the power to change things in the world and that you're stronger together than you are apart. You must forge the bond between yourselves to withstand all outside forces."

"And you think we can do that by crawling into bed with you?" Lee was disturbed by this whole conversation.

"I think you can do that by defining your own sexuality and I believe you can do that only with experimentation, since there is no other way to learn." Charlie reached for Lee's hand. "Each of us reacts differently to sexual situations based on internal feelings and past experiences. Even if there was a reliable textbook for teaching human sexuality, schools wouldn't be allowed to teach it, thanks to those men in Rome and others of like minds. We're not even permitted to teach our students about venereal diseases. So, I've worked to help men learn about their sexual needs through experimentation. I manage an unorthodox household in which members are encouraged to investigate their own sexual needs because there isn't any other place to learn.

"Lee, you and Harry both need to explore uncharted waters, with women and with other men, before you can understand who you are, together and separately. I only suggest that you start with Lloyd and me because you can trust us and we won't hurt you, and because we already care about you both very much." Charlie paused and looked up at Lloyd before turning back to Lee and Harry. "Let me add that if you're really dead set against having further sexual encounters with us, we'd still like to be your friends, now and in the future."

"What if during all this exploring and investigating, one of us finds someone we love more than we love our present partner?" Lee asked, pulling his hand back.

"I'm willing to bet everything I have that won't happen. You two are soul mates just as Lloyd and I are. I need you to understand in your hearts how true that is." Charlie leaned back in his chair and reached up for Lloyd. "We're meant to be together, just as you two are. Nothing can change that, but many of the experiences we've shared here have strengthened our bond."

"Lee," Harry said, "Charlie and I have discussed this to the n-th degree all week and I still don't understand everything he's saying, but I do begin to see that as men who love other men, we must define our own rules, that we must define our own hearts. Then and only then can we begin to carve a place for our relationship in a world that doesn't want us to love each other, or to express that love in any public way. I want to try this with Charlie and Lloyd, but if you don't agree willingly, nothing will happen. I promised you that I wouldn't have sex with Charlie until you knew and agreed. I won't break my promise to you."

"It sounds like you're telling me that I can't rebuild my own world until I tear down all the walls in my head put there by the conventional straight world. That I have to throw out every idea and concept that was ever given to me by a church, or a school, or the Navy, or even the laws of the United States. I have to redefine who I am and what I want and you're saying that crawling in bed with the two of you is going to teach me that." Lee's head hurt.

"Not exactly, Lee," Charlie explained. "This is the first lesson, and it's like acquiring any other skill. You take the first step, watch what happens, analyze the results, then take the next step. Not every man is strong enough to do this, and I believe outside of Lloyd and myself, you're the first couple I've seen strong enough to do this. Will you try?"

"My life has been shredded, as have the lives of the others you take care of here. Are you planning on including Danny and the others in this little adventure?" Lee stood.

"No. They have their own paths to follow and none of them has the maturity or the life experience yet for what I want you two to do." Charlie stood and placed his hands on Lee's shoulders. "Even the emotion of love has to be established by us because how the straight world defines love is not necessarily right for us."

"This is crazy," Lee said and leaned forward to clasp Charlie's hand, "and I need to think about it. I'm going for a run. Harry can finish my chores." He pulled Harry into his arms and thoroughly ravaged his mouth. "I think you're all crazy."

Outside, Lee took a deep breath and walked to the room he shared with Harry to change his clothes. {I'm supposed to have sex with my lover and two other men to understand how much I love Harry. Someone here is definitely crazy.}
* * * * *

After dinner on the pier in San Francisco, the four men drove to Flutterbys. Lee was still nervous about his decision, but the thought processes of Harry and Charlie were as exciting as they were ellusive and Lee was always intrigued by Harry's thought processes. Geniuses were unique personalities and Lee knew Harry was a certified genius. Perhaps Charlie was as well.

"So what now?" Lee whispered as they slid into a booth against the back wall.

"Harry tells me you like to dance," Charlie replied, "so I thought we'd dance, with each other or with anyone in the bar, until we all decide it's time to go to our room. I've made arrangements for towels and everything else we need. Danny will call here only if there's an emergency that he or Kenneth can't handle."

After they had ordered a round of drinks, Charlie asked, "Lee, will you dance with me?"

"I thought Harry was your heart's desire." Lee sipped his scotch and watched Harry light a cigarette.

"But you're a part of Harry, of his life, and to share in Harry's life, one must know both of you. Besides, no matter what I feel for Harry, you're not so bad yourself." Charlie stood up and held out his hand. "You know, the bond between you exists even when you're not hanging onto him. You don't have to cling to Harry's hand to have his support and caring."

Lee kissed Harry, then joined Charlie and walked to the dance floor. They slow danced through several numbers, then Charlie asked, "Are you totally confused?"

"I'd say I'm closer to that state than I've ever been in my life."

"Good, because only out of chaos can order come. Remember that as you redefine your own values. Put the pieces together the way they best fit your own life." Charlie pressed his body closer to Lee's and kissed his ear. "You're an honorable man with a strong moral code. Build on your own foundation, trust your instincts."

"How can I do that if you tell me that all my knowledge is based on the teachings of others and that I should throw it all out?" Lee felt the fire ignite in his groin, the response to Charlie's caresses. "My body tells me I'm responding to you, but my heart still says I only want Harry."

"I understand your feelings, but you should realize that you might kill your relationship if you don't allow Harry to find his own way to being as obsessed with you." Charlie squeezed Lee's ass as they danced.

"Do you think he can love me that much?"

"Yes, I think he's quite capable of that kind of love, but he has to find it himself. You don't have the layers of Catholicism wrapped around you the way he does. Your heart's been scarred by years of loneliness and neglect, but your values haven't been warped by those who have no right to define them. Harry's path is different from yours, but I do believe if you're patient with each other, you can get there. He's a very special man."

"With my anger in check, can I ask you if you're seriously interested in Harry? I want to know if I should mark my territory," Lee asked, between clenched teeth.

"Relax, Lee. I could only put Harry in second place, not a position he's qualified for or interested in, but Harry and I have a great potential to be good friends and you must know that friendship is to be treasured. Besides, I think when all is said and done, there's no one who could take Harry away from you."

"I hope you're right." Lee tried to let go of his preconceived ideas.

"I'd like to dance with Lloyd for a while. Even though he understands and supports my needs, he thinks Harry poses a threat to our relationship by providing an aspect of friendship that Lloyd has always provided for me."

"Are his fears grounded in reality?"

"I don't think so, though with human nature nothing is ever sure. I can't imagine my life without Lloyd by my side, but it doesn't mean I don't need to romance him on occasion, especially when he's going to watch me seduce another man."

"You're going to seduce Harry?" Lee asked.

"Of course I am. He may agree with what I want to do, and his body will respond to me as yours does, but I'll have to convince him that it's all right for him to respond to me. Your Harry is a very complicated fellow."

"Yes, he is." Lee was intrigued by the prospect of watching Harry being seduced. "No. I want to see what you do, so I'll have a better idea of what works." Lee half closed his eyes and looked at Charlie through the long lashes. "He does seem to have a weakness for my long legs, my long fingers, and a certain other long part of my anatomy."

"Yes, I know. We all do. But I'll have to use finesse and experience to make up the difference. Kiss me and I'll take you back to Harry." Lee opened his mouth to accept Charlie's tongue, and accepted all the other feelings that accompanied it.

After a quick drink, Charlie waltzed Lloyd to the dance floor and Lee turned his attention to Harry, who was smoking and watching the couples dance. "You look a million miles away," Lee said.

"Just wondering if I made the right decision for us." Harry finished his drink and motioned to the waiter for another.

"First of all, you didn't make the decision for us, we each decided. Secondly, I think you're talking through your guilt and I don't want you tied to me with guilt. Charlie's right about that." Lee smiled and ran his hand down Harry's leg.

"What'd he say to you out there?"

"More of his strange philosophy, that I had to rebuild my thought processes from the realms of chaos. Then he told me he was going to seduce you. The idea of watching him do that excites me and I don't know why." Lee sipped from his glass.

"Maybe you'll start to understand why I get so turned on watching you with someone else. I can't explain what happens to me when I watch you, but my cock certainly knows." Harry ran his hand across the back of Lee's neck and pulled his mouth forward.

"Come dance with me now before Charlie makes his move and I have to give up custody." Lee slid out of the booth and held out his hand.

On the dance floor Lee pulled Harry as close as possible, cupping his ass and pressing their crotches together. "If we keep this up, I'll figure out a way to make you come on the dance floor. Your body fits so nicely against mine like this and I can rub my face in your hair and feel your breath on my neck."

"You're turning into such a romantic. Your moods are not as dark and brooding and you haven't had a nightmare in several nights. Do you think you're ready to leave here tomorrow?" Harry nibbled at Lee's throat.

"I don't want to leave you and I wish we could figure out a way to be together like Lloyd and Charlie, but I'm sure I can control my emotions. A lot depends on how well I handle the rest of tonight. I know you want to do this with Charlie and I've already shared you several times, but I'm not comfortable with it and I may never be."

"It's not too late to back out. Just say the word and we go home." Harry looked around the room. "What happened to Charlie and Lloyd?"

"I don't know, they were here a minute ago. Charlie's not going anywhere without you, so just snuggle close and dance." The band played several slow romantic songs while Lee moved Harry around the dance floor. It was as if they were in a world all alone where everything was perfect.

"May we cut in?" Charlie asked.

"We wondered where you were," Lee said as he stopped moving, but didn't release his partner.

"I needed to spend a little time with Lloyd," Charlie explained. "This has been a busy week for us and he hasn't had as much of my attention as he's used to." Charlie brushed his lips across Lloyd's.

Lloyd laid his arm on Lee's. "Would you dance with me?"

"It's all right, Lee," Charlie assured him, "I promise I'll return Harry to you and I won't break him or anything."

A deep-throated chuckle rumbled from Harry's throat. "Lee, you do look like Charlie just took your favorite toy."

"I understand everything you're trying to tell me, Charlie, but I'm still having some problems accepting this. I want to snatch him away from you. It's not jealousy as much as it is possession." Lee dropped a kiss on Harry's mouth, then popped his butt as Charlie danced away with him.

"You okay?" Lee asked Lloyd, concerned about the curious expression on his face. Lee suddenly realized how much he genuinely liked this man. The days he had spent helping Lloyd around the house had generated a relaxed comfortableness that was rare in Lee's world.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking how interesting it is that you've disrupted my life almost as much as we've disrupted yours. Part of me is very insecure about being able to fulfill Charlie's needs, part of me knows that I only want what's best for him, and all of me knows he loves me and I love him with all my heart. I hope we can help you and Harry reach this same level of love."

"Me, too. I feel so relaxed after just a week with you. Tomorrow I have to leave Harry, and you and Charlie and your wonderful world, and go back to my real world and do the job I've trained all my life to do." Lee rubbed his hands across Lloyd's back. Lloyd was slightly taller than Lee, so dancing with him was different from dancing with Harry.

"Can you tell me if you're heading to sea for a long cruise?"

"No." Lee paused, then chuckled. "That is, yes, I can tell you, but no, I'm not going to sea for a while yet. I still have three months or so in D.C. completing a project. That means I get to talk to Harry on the phone fairly often and maybe even spend an evening or a weekend with him if he makes it to the east coast." Lee watched Harry over Lloyd's shoulder.

"You did promise to call us if you have any problems or if you just want to talk."

"I know, and Charlie has even given me an assignment. I'm to go into a bar that I consider safe and at least dance with another man. Then I'm to analyze my feelings. I want to find the best way to build our relationship, but some of this stuff is really difficult."

"I think Charlie's being harder on the two of you because he knows you're capable of greater things. I've seen him do that to some of his students and also to some of the kids who come to us for counseling. The more he thinks you're capable of, the harder he works you."

"Harry did that when I was at the academy. There were several of us who worked our butts off and no matter what we did he expected more. He was the toughest teacher I ever had."

"Were you in love with him then?"

"No." Lee chuckled. "In fact, during my sophomore year I actually despised him for the way he worked us so hard. I thought he must hate us for some reason, or be jealous of our youth. It was only later, when I matured," Lee laughed when he emphasized the word, "that I began to admire his brilliance. Eventually, I admired everything about him, of course. Unfortunately, during those years I was trying to be straight. I had chosen a career field that didn't allow my true nature to exist, so I was looking for a way to conform. I must have done a reasonably good job because it took Harry a year of us serving together before he made his move. After we became lovers, I realized that he was the redhead who had haunted my wet dreams."

"Are you still dwelling on those difficult days, Lee?"

"I'm trying not to. I do understand that we can't change the past or even fix it if we had another chance. It's just that I wish those long empty months hadn't happened."

"Would you like to get in the hot tub now? It feels great and it's very relaxing. This water bubbles up around you and can lead to some interesting things."

"Lloyd, are you trying to seduce me?"

"The thought has crossed my mind. Come on, Charlie and Harry will join us when they're ready." Lloyd led the way into the back hallway and through a door that opened onto a long room with a large bed and a hot tub set into a redwood deck that rose four feet above the floor. "There's a larger pool at the other end of the hall if you want to meet someone in the water. You can see the equipment before you approach the operator."

"You and Charlie do this often?" Lee sat down to take his shoes off.

The room was clean and well furnished. A bottle of champagne was chilling on ice near the bed and he could hear nothing from other rooms.

"Not often because of the expense, but occasionally Charlie gets the urge to meet new talent and I must admit there've been times when I suggested it as well. This place gives us the privacy we need without exposing our home to people we don't know." Lloyd draped his pants over a clothes rack. "This is our special place, where we come to recharge our batteries. I don't mean this to sound presumptuous, but because everything here is rather expensive, we've noticed that it attracts a certain type of educated, employed, interesting men who tend to take care of themselves. Street hustlers can't afford the cover charge, much less anything else. It's a place for special occasions, which is why we brought you here."

Lee felt honored by the compliment, but couldn't help noting, "You let Harry and me into your house without knowing who we were."

"That's not entirely true. Remember, Charlie knew who Harry was, and we had talked to Danny about you two. Danny has good instincts about people. Charlie's been trying to convert him from geology to psych."

When he was completely undressed, Lloyd took the five steps up to the deck, then slowly edged down into the hot water. Reaching his hand out to Lee, Lloyd said, "Come on in, this is a wonderful playpen." He flipped a switch that turned on the jets, making the water bubble.

"You're determined to spoil me, aren't you?" Lee entered the water.

"After what we made you go through, you deserve to be spoiled. I just wish you lived closer so we could see you more often. I have visions of you sliding back into your well of darkness with no one to support you."

"I have your phone number," Lee reminded Lloyd.

"I know, but when you're depressed, you won't call. It's part of the problem. I know you're not home much, but you could leave me your number, or should I check on you through Harry?"

"I'm not used to being checked up on."

"You're also not used to having friends who care about you."

"That's true," Lee admitted, "and it may take me a little while to get used to it." He realized he had discovered a whole new wonderful world.

"I haven't touched you, except clinically, since that first night, and I'd very much like to kiss you." Lloyd swirled water around with his fingers.

"I do appreciate all that you've done, Lloyd. As long as you know my heart belongs to Harry, I think I can relax and play for a while." The hot water bubbled and flowed around him.

"Puppy, no one can ever forget who your heart belongs to. The message couldn't be clearer if you had it tattooed in neon on your chest. Now, come here."

Lee floated into Lloyd's arms, warm water splashing between them as their lips met. In the last few days Lee had begun relaxing in his time with Harry and their passion level had returned to its normal fever pitch. He decided it was all right to enjoy this encounter because he had learned to trust these people, at least a little. Lloyd's cock rose between them, telling Lee he was affecting his partner. He wondered if he could take the monster again tonight.

"I see you two didn't waste any time," Charlie teased as he and Harry entered the room.

Lee noticed immediately that Harry's basket was well displayed in his wonderful jeans. He couldn't take his eyes off his lover.

Charlie stroked Harry's leg. "Harry tells me these jeans were a gift from you, Lee. You made a great choice."

"Harry's the one who fills them out, which turns me on." Lee didn't pull away from Lloyd's embrace. "The water's fine. Are you going to join us?"

"Harry?" Charlie asked as he kissed Harry's mouth thoroughly, "Do you want your blow job in the spa or on the bed?"

"It's going to be difficult for you to get down on your knees in that water," Harry teased, "but we can try."

Charlie began unbuttoning Harry's shirt, but when Harry unsnapped his own jeans, Charlie slapped the hand away. "I'll do that. You can undress me, but not yourself." Charlie grinned and kissed Harry again before stooping to peel the skin tight jeans down Harry's legs. "Lift," Charlie ordered as Harry raised one foot, then the other. Charlie slid the shoes off along with the pants.

Lee watched, mesmerized, not able to look away as Charlie kissed Harry's hardening cock and laved his balls before standing back up. Lee felt the familiar tension start in the pit of his stomach, and tried to push it way. I want this, damn it. I love Harry and I know I can share him without losing him. Lee wished his brain could convince his heart.

A hand stroking Lee's cock and a breeze blowing in his ear broke his intense concentration. He turned to see Lloyd laughing at him. Lee smiled in return. "Welcome back, Puppy. I like the floor show, don't you?" Lloyd licked his lips and they both turned back to watch Charlie and Harry remove the last of each other's clothes, and embrace, hands on each others' butts and cocks grinding together.

When he broke the kiss, Charlie said, "You never answered my question. Water or bed?"

Before Harry could answer, Lloyd interrupted, "Well, I vote we do round one in the tub and round two on the bed."

All four men laughed and Charlie and Harry climbed the stairs to the deck. Lee reached out his hand to help Harry step down into the hot tub, then pulled his lover into an embrace which ended with a soul searching kiss.

"They haven't seen each other in what, Lloyd, thirty minutes?" Charlie remarked. "Think what it would be like to watch them if they hadn't seen each other in three or four months."

Taking Charlie's arm, Lloyd pulled him forward. "Maybe we can arrange to watch."

"You know what seeing you in those jeans does to me," Lee mumbled as he nibbled Harry's neck.

"I know what usually happens. It's when it doesn't happen that I worry," Harry smiled before he opened his mouth to Lee.

"I can't get enough of you," Lee gasped. "Here, sit up on the side of the tub so I can reach your cock." Lee helped Harry up out of the water, then leaned over Harry's lap. "That's much better."

Lee felt hands on his cock and his ass as he devoured Harry's rigid flesh. He remembered that he and Harry weren't alone but he was too focused on his need for Harry's cream to think about anything else. Fondling Harry's balls, Lee continued to suck Harry's cock, thrilling to the heat and passion rising from his lover.

Fingers tangled in Lee's hair and teased the entrance to his body, but his thoughts were totally on Harry. Lee felt the tremors in his lover's body and was ready when Harry gushed cream.

"Don't swallow, Lee, save some for sharing," Lloyd ordered.

Before Lee could finish sucking Harry dry, Charlie had taken over Harry's cock and Lloyd was licking Harry's cream from Lee's mouth.

"You're a naughty boy, Lee," Charlie scolded. "Harry's supposed to be mine tonight."

"I'm just warming him up for you," Lee smirked. "Besides, I can't help myself."

Lloyd wrapped an arm around Lee, and announced. "I get to do Lee. Harry, do you want to stay up there and hold him or get back in the water?"

"I'll stay here and hold him. Maybe later we can tie him to a chair and make him watch." Harry scooted backwards and held out his arms to help Lee up on the side of the tub.

"Don't tie me up, Harry, please," Lee whispered, settling between Harry's legs.

"Not tonight, laddie, I promise. You're not ready for that game yet." Harry kissed Lee's lips.

"I'll never be ready." Lee kissed Harry's mouth again.

"It's a turn-on like you wouldn't believe, but you have to trust your partner and right now, I don't think you trust me enough." Harry turned Lee around so that his legs could dangle in the bubbling water, then moved tightly against Lee's back. Harry reached around Lee's body to spread his legs slightly and gently stroke Lee's cock with one hand and the full sac below with the other hand. "Is this what you want Lloyd?" Harry said, caressing Lee's genitals while he began nibbling and kissing Lee's shoulders and back.

Before Lee could respond to Harry's remark, Lloyd glided closer and took over the gentle manipulations. "God, yes," Lloyd murmured, stooping slightly to engulf Lee's cock. Lloyd began to suck and tease, while his fingers massaged the insides of Lee's thighs. Harry's hands continued to fondle Lee's balls and to help guide Lee's cock in and out of Lloyd's mouth. Charlie watched for a few minutes, then stepped closer to wrap his left arm around Lloyd's back and fondle Lee's nipples with his other hand before leaning forward to capture Lee's mouth. The combined stimulation left Lee defenseless as his body responded to the mouths and hands loving him. He rose and fell on waves of sensations until Lloyd, and then Charlie, drank from him.

He leaned back against Harry's chest, gasping for air. "You know, Charlie," Lloyd laughed as he licked his lips clean, "we really shouldn't have criticized Lee and Harry for wanting each other when you and I snatched a quickie in the men's room."

"I know, lover, but extra hands and mouths can add so much." Charlie stroked Lee's long legs.

"Not to mention extra cocks," Lloyd gripped his own.

"Want me to take care of that now?" Charlie asked. "Or would you like some champagne?"

"I'll open the champagne." Lloyd climbed out of the water and dried himself on a large towel, which he draped around his shoulders. "We could move to the bed, then get back in the water later."

Charlie tossed a towel to Lee, who dried Harry, then himself before wrapping the towel around Harry's waist. "Silly boy," Charlie said to Lee, "I'm going to have him tonight, no matter what territorial tricks you try." He pulled Harry out of Lee's grasp and kissed him soundly.

"You know, Lee," Harry chuckled, "being fought over has its own pleasures."

"It also touches some primordial response deep inside of you, doesn't it, Lee?" Charlie asked, his arms wrapped around Harry.

"You mean this irresistible urge to rip your hands from his body?" Lee tried to smile as he pushed the words out.

"Yes." Charlie stepped away from Harry. "Lloyd you better pour the champagne before Lee blows his cork."

"Charlie, don't push Lee too hard." Harry took Lee in his arms. "It's okay, laddie, let your emotions flow, but you did say Charlie and I could...."

"I'm trying, Harry, I just can't stop the way I feel."

"I have an idea," Lloyd offered as he carefully popped the cork. "I'll hold Lee and we'll watch you two."

Holding the glasses for Lloyd, Lee said, "As long as no one tries to tie me up."

"No, Lee," Charlie said as he stroked Lee's face. "You're not ready for that. Soon, but not yet."

"Not ever," Lee declared, handing full glasses to Charlie and Harry. He lifted his own, "To love."

"We can certainly all drink to that." Lloyd lifted his glass as he placed the bottle back in the ice.

Lee filled his mouth with champagne, then dribbled it into Harry's mouth. "You're mine, remember that."

Lloyd walked to the bed, pulled the spread down, and piled all the pillows up against the headboard. "Lee, come sit with me, please." Lloyd made himself comfortable against the pillows and spread his legs so Lee could nestle between them, his back to Lloyd. Then Lloyd wrapped his arms around Lee, and began fondling his cock. "Okay?"

"Okay," Lee smiled, as the panic subsided.

Charlie crawled on the bed on his knees and offered Harry his hand. Harry knelt in front of Charlie, who slipped one hand behind Harry's neck and pulled him close to be kissed. With his other hand, Charlie fondled Harry's cock.

Lee watched Harry stroke Charlie's cock with one hand and Charlie's ass with the other. The two men looked lost in each other and Lee could see every move they made. He was breathing rapidly when he felt his head turned and Lloyd's ardent kisses claimed his mouth. "Charlie's not going to hurt him, Lee, he's just going to play for a little while. You know what Charlie wants." Lloyd twisted Lee's nipples. "And I'd like another piece of you."

"Only if Charlie doesn't need you." Lee smiled again, understanding that the two men loved each other.

"Yeah, only if Charlie doesn't need me," Lloyd laughed. "You do see that's not so different between us."

"Yes, but I want to break in on that kiss. Harry's going to need oxygen." Lee struggled to sit up.

"Kiss me, instead," Lloyd recommended. "Show me you have that kind of lung power."

When Lee next looked at Harry, he and Charlie were lying side by side, their mouths still locked together, their hands working each other frantically. Lee wanted Harry's cock in his mouth. As if he could read Lee's mind, Lloyd said, "If you need something to put in your mouth, Lee, take mine. It's like an all-day sucker. I'd like to see you try to take it all the way down your throat." Lloyd stroked his own cock.

Twisting around, Lee put his face in Lloyd's lap at an angle that allowed him to continue to watch Harry. It wasn't long before Charlie reversed his position so that he and Harry were sucking each other. Charlie's cock disappeared into Harry's mouth and Lee could see the throat muscles contract as Harry sucked. Lee's mouth and throat were beginning to ache when Charlie raised up on an elbow and looked at him. "He's going to fuck me, Lee, and we need you to get us ready. He may even need you to guide him in. Are you ready to help us?"

Lee looked questioningly at Lloyd who smiled and said, "Go ahead. We'll finish me later."

Lee scooted around until he was on the opposite side of Charlie with Harry in the middle. Starting at the base of Harry's cock, Lee worked his tongue up one side while Charlie licked and sucked the other, until their mouths met at the head. Charlie kissed Lee's mouth and Harry's cock at the same time, then took Harry's cock into his mouth while Lee slid down to suck Harry's balls.

"Oh, God, Lee," Harry muttered.

Lee looked up to see Lloyd ravage Harry's mouth. Lifting Harry's hips, Lee flicked his tongue over the entrance to Harry's body, causing Harry to squirm and cry out again.

"Do Charlie, Lee," Lloyd said between kisses on Harry's mouth.

Lee worked two fingers into Harry's ass and sucked his balls in rhythm with the movement of his fingers for long moments before moving over to rim and finger-fuck Charlie. As Charlie sucked Harry, Lloyd's hand worked Charlie's cock.

"Now, I need him now," Charlie cried.

Lloyd helped Harry to sit up as Charlie flopped down on his back, spreading his legs wide.

"Harry," Lee whispered, seeing the bright blue eyes glazed with passion, "lean over here and kiss me."

When Lee released Harry's mouth, he helped steady his lover between Charlie's legs. Then he squeezed Harry's balls and guided him slowly into Charlie's body. Charlie gasped and moaned as Harry penetrated, his butt lifted off the bed by the combined force of Harry's strokes and Lee and Lloyd pulling his legs further apart. Lloyd kissed Charlie while Lee turned to slip a finger into Harry. Stroking Charlie's leg with one hand, finger fucking Harry with the other, Lee managed to find Harry's mouth with his own. Fire burned Lee's limbs and he abandoned Charlie to scoot around behind Harry.

Positioning himself, Lee whispered into Harry's ear, "I'm going to fuck you, old man, so you better be ready for me."

"I'm in. Do it now and fuck us both," Harry hissed.

Pushing all the way into Harry's body, Lee made eye contact with Charlie, who looked up and grinned. "I knew you couldn't let me have him to myself. You just can't keep your hands off him."

"That's right, I can't, but I can fuck you both at the same time." Lee pounded into Harry's ass as hard as he could, making sure Charlie felt every thrust. Lloyd switched positions so he could take Charlie's cock in his mouth and Charlie could stroke and fondle Lloyd's cock.

Lee was lost in a sea of sensations -- Harry's tight channel squeezing his cock; the sight of the other hands and mouths and cocks in action; plus the sound of flesh pounding flesh and Harry's low moans. "Are you close, my love?" he grunted into Harry's ear.

"Please, not yet. Make it last forever," Harry pleaded.

"A little longer, old man, just a little longer," Lee promised as he nipped Harry's neck and slowed the pace. "Lloyd, how close is Charlie?"

"I can hold him until you say so, but Harry's gonna blow any second. The middle man can't control those wild sensations." Lloyd looked at Lee and winked.

"Oh, Lee, can't wait," Harry rasped. "Do it now."

Lee thrust harder and faster, slapping his balls against Harry's ass until his stomach tightened and his cream shot into Harry's body. Harry's muscles spasmed, squeezing tightly as he pumped into Charlie, who climaxed a second later, flooding Lloyd's mouth. Without swallowing, Lloyd leaned across Harry to share with Lee. Lee collapsed, rolling over on his side and pulling Harry to curl next to him. Lloyd caressed Charlie's crotch and kissed his mouth. "Need me, lover?"

"Always, but who do you want tonight?" Charlie asked as he gulped air.

"Harry." Lloyd grinned at Lee.

"I thought you wanted me," Lee mumbled.

"Oh, I do, but I'll save you for later. Right now, I want Harry, while you're too winded to stop me." Lloyd stroked Harry's ass. "Can you handle this?" Lloyd waved his large cock in Harry's face.

"You're pushing me into overload," Harry gasped between lungfuls of air. "Can I at least catch my breath?"

"Why? I just want you to open for me and Lee's done a thorough job of lubricating you. You don't have to come again for it to still feel good. You just need to roll face up or face down, your choice." Lloyd waited for Harry to move.

"Face down," Lee said, pulling Harry on top of him before Harry had a chance to move or say anything.

Harry tried to move off Lee, protesting, "No Lee, I don't want to hurt you. You can't hold all my weight like this."

Lee snaked his arms around his lover to stop him from moving. "Of course I can. I've held you before; in fact, I've carried your dead weight down a ladder during fire drills, so shut up and don't move so I can enjoy this, too."

Since their bellies and cocks and legs were pressed together, their mouths were only inches apart. Lee's heart filled with joy at the passion and lust and excitement that filled Harry's eyes as he took Lee's mouth. Unseen hands moved his and Harry's legs apart and Lee remembered Lloyd's urgent need.

Lee was gasping for air when Harry broke the kiss and moaned, "Oh God, oh God!" He dug his fingers into Lee's shoulders and sobbed softly.

Lee flexed his knees and elevated his hips to ease the angle as he felt Lloyd thrust into Harry. "We can take him."

"That's easy for you to say," Harry groaned. "It feels like he's splitting me in half."

"Should I stop?" Lloyd grunted.

"God, no." Harry relaxed his grip on Lee's shoulders. "Don't stop now."

Lee could feel every muscle in Harry's body respond. Since Lee knew what that huge cock felt like, he knew what Harry was experiencing and was excited to share this with his lover. Lee was surprised when his own body began to respond again. He would not have believed he could get hard again so soon, but he sure knew it was happening. Harry's cock was twitching, too.

"Harry, you're so tight, you feel so good," Lloyd moaned as his thrusts grew more forceful. "Charlie, I can't wait, help me, please."

Lloyd pounded into Harry harder and harder and Lee could see Charlie stroking Lloyd and whispering to him. Everything felt so good to Lee: holding his lover tightly in his arms; feeling Harry's weight covering him and surrounding him; sharing Harry's intense pleasure; feeling the response in Harry's muscles every time Lloyd slammed into him; hearing Harry's moans and gasps and little sighs right against his ear. Lee decided if this was what it meant to share his lover, he would not mind doing it again in the future.

Lloyd climaxed with a roar, and drove into Harry's ass so hard that he almost pushed Harry off of Lee.

"Easy, Tiger, take it easy," whispered Charlie. "We want him to be able to walk out of here."

Putting an arm around Lloyd's shoulders, Charlie helped Lloyd ease slowly out of Harry's body and stretch out on the bed, totally exhausted.

"Too late," Harry moaned. "I'll never walk again."

Lee and Charlie chuckled as the captain gently rolled Harry over to lie against Lee's side in the crook of his arm.

"Stop laughing," Harry sounded indignant. "I'm not kidding. I think that monster pierced a lung. Lee, why didn't you warn me?" Harry threw his arm across Lee's chest and hugged him.

The other three men chuckled, and Lloyd leaned over to kiss Harry's ear. "What're you complaining about, you old rooster? You know you loved every inch of it." He popped Harry's ass.

Gradually, Charlie and Lloyd settled down on either side of Lee and Harry and all four men cuddled, stroked and petted each other until Harry finally recovered and sat up. "I think I need a shower."

"Or better yet, we could all get back in the hot tub for more foreplay and then do this all over again." Charlie rubbed his hand over Lee's hips.

"Take pity on an old man," Harry moaned, "it might take me a while just to catch my breath."

"Old man, my ass," Lee commented, "you have more staying power than anyone I know." Charlie sat up and crawled off the bed, pulling Lee after him. "Pour some more bubbly and then we'll get back in the tub."
* * * * *

Sat 21 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Lee returned to the present, encouraged by his urgent need to visit the head. He wondered if there was any Freudian message there, because of the intensely erotic memories. As he stood up to step into the tiny adjoining room, he glanced at his watch and was stunned. He had no idea it was so late. He was due in the control room soon. He checked his appearance in the mirror and decided he looked tired. Stop thinking about sex and try sleeping at night. He left his quarters realizing that another day had passed and he still had not written a single vow.
* * * * *

Mon 23 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Two days later, Lee sat at his desk staring at the latest in a long line of blank sheets of paper. Chip had said writing these vows would be difficult, but Lee had not realized that difficult really meant impossible. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many emotions he wanted to express, and so much love bursting in his heart that he wanted to publicly acknowledge, but when he tried to write any of it down, to reduce it to mere words, it seemed so inadequate. So far he had not written a single sentence he thought was worth saving.

He stood up, stepped into the head and splashed cold water on his face. {This is ridiculous. I love the man. Why can't I write a coherent sentence about how I really feel?} He sat back down at his desk and threw his head back, closing his eyes, trying to consciously relax his muscles.

His mind drifted, remembering times with the Admiral, and the range of feelings he had experienced during the ten years they had known each other. Vivid images flowed like a reel of film -- the first time Harry had made love to him, the first time he had made love to Harry, that first Christmas, and the many quaint inns in remote places.

Then his mind drifted to a time much later when he was not with the Admiral, when he had first been assigned to the *Rickover* and the Admiral was nowhere to be reached. Lee had wanted to celebrate his new command, but he couldn't even find Harry to tell him the news. The memory was so intense, he could almost smell the cigarette smoke in the small bar.
* * * * *

Sun 19 Feb 61
Arlington, Virginia

Tucked away in an alley in Old Town Alexandria, the bar didn't have a name, just a doorway and a watchful bouncer. Lee had not been here before, but he knew its reputation, and that it was the kind of place he needed this evening. He walked in, cock-sure and knowing his body would attract the eye of every man in the place.

He took a seat on a bar stool and ordered scotch. When the drink was in front of him, he picked it up and peered over its rim to see who might be watching him. In the bar's dim light, he could see that there were several couples dancing, but there appeared to be many more single men on the prowl. He sized up several of the singles, one tall redhead in particular, who appeared to be about Lee's general build and age. {I wonder if I've got the balls to leave the bar with this guy or the guts to leave without him. What would Charlie tell me to do?}

It wasn't long before the next bar stool was occupied by the redhead. "I come here often, so I know you don't. Can I buy you a drink?"

Lee swished scotch around the ice cubes. "I have one, thanks, but I may need a refill."

"And tell Andy your sad tale?" The redhead lit a cigarette and offered it to Lee.

"No, thanks. I don't smoke. And what if my tale isn't sad?" Lee retorted as he finished his scotch.

"Usually it's a sad tale that brings a guy like you into a place like this." Andy signaled the bartender for two drinks.

"Maybe I feel like celebrating."

"And the one you usually celebrate with isn't available or isn't satisfying you any longer." Andy lifted his glass and waved it before sipping.

Lee took a drink, and adjusted his body on the bar stool. His pants were uncomfortable across his straining erection. Andy appeared worthy of the effort to make this game fun and fulfilling. "Maybe a little of both. Or maybe I just want a little variety."

"You certainly have a lot to offer. Want to take a little walk?"

"No quiet conversation first? No cozy dinner to create the atmosphere?" Lee hid behind his glass. He picked up redheads even when he was angry with Harry.

"Nobody comes here for conversation or cozy dinners. And neither did you." Andy finished his drink.

"What makes you think that?"

"You didn't pour yourself into those pants just to take them off by yourself. You're ready to pop and I'd like to be the one to pop you." Andy slid off his stool and waited for Lee to follow.

Lee finished his scotch, taking his time to stand, making sure Andy got a good look at everything. "Walk or ride? My car's not very far."

"Nice 'Vette, man, and it's safe where it is." Andy's blue eyes flashed an invitation, but his voice contained caution.

"Watched me get out and walk to the bar, did you?" Lee wondered who else had watched him.

"Friend, you should know that in this neighborhood no one takes chances. And I'll bet there're a few people who shouldn't know you're here."

"A few." Lee told himself to say goodnight, but he didn't want to.

"It's cool, man. You weren't followed. So let's do what you came here to do." Andy placed his hand on Lee's shoulder and herded him towards the door.

Outside, in the dark, Andy's hand slipped down to cup Lee's ass. "Nice, man, very nice. I hope you decide to come here often."

Lee's need was insistent, but he didn't want to do anything outside in the open. "Where're we going?"

"Easy, man, easy. We've got plenty of time." Andy led the way up some stairs that were just around the corner from the bar and into an apartment whose entrance was hidden from the dark street. Lee's heart pounded and his body raged, demanding release.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Lee turned to face Andy, pinning him to the wall and devouring him with a demanding kiss. Andy pushed his crotch into Lee's, bruising hard flesh.

"Bedroom. Upstairs," Andy managed to say, "before you come in those pants."

Lee worked Andy up the stairs kissing and groping. "Now."

Inside the bedroom Andy maneuvered them to the bed. "Man, you're hot, but those pants are so tight, I'm going to need some help getting you out of them." Andy tugged at the zipper. "Relax, help me here."

Lee took a deep breath and lifted his hips, while Andy worked the pants down Lee's long legs. As soon as the jutting cock was free, Andy's mouth took it. Lee groaned and rode the waves of pleasure until they crested.

With semen still on his lips, Andy drew up next to Lee. "Nice appetizer. What's the next course?" Andy wiped his finger around his lips, then offered the finger to Lee, who sucked it into his mouth and licked it clean. The smell of old cigarette smoke and the taste of his own cream on another man's fingers reminded Lee of why he was there.

"Maybe we could take off a few more clothes and get down to business?" Lee unbuttoned Andy's shirt and started for the zipper.

"You always start that fast?" Andy helped with his own clothes, then went to work on the rest of Lee's.

"Depends on the company and the kind of day I've had. I was hot before you sat down."

Tossing the last of their clothes on the floor, Andy asked, "And after I sat down?"

"The temperature rose to boiling. And I've got a lot more cooking to do." Lee's hands took inventory of Andy's body, liking what he felt. Hard cock in hand, Lee played and fondled, then sucked.

"Mmmmm," mumbled Andy, as he groped Lee's genitals. "Nice comeback, too. You are hot."

Lee wet a finger with saliva to explore the entrance to Andy's body. "Nice and tight."

Andy arched his back and groaned. "I knew you weren't a beginner. Show me what you've got." His grip on Lee's cock tightened.

"Take another finger first." Lee worked carefully with his mouth and his hands until he knew they were both ready. When Lee positioned himself to enter Andy's body, he found his own cock wet and ready. He thrust into Andy's body and rode him hard.

As he lay spent across Andy's chest, Lee heard soft guitar chords. When he could speak again, he whispered to Andy, "Are we alone?"

Andy was still for a moment, then said, "I think my lover's home."

"Lover? Am I a problem?" Lee's common sense was returning now that he had cooled off.

Andy stretched under Lee. "Not unless he wants to join us and you object to three-ways." "I might need a minute to catch my breath."

The mental image of being between two men again was exciting. "I think I hear voices. Do you have more than one lover?"

"So Bobby got lucky, too. Shall we see what's happening?"

Lee ran his hand over Andy's wet belly. "Maybe we should clean up a bit first."

Andy helped Lee off the bed and pushed him towards the bathroom. "I want to watch you get back into those pants."

Lee tossed him a smile. "With or without your help, you gorgeous redhead?"

Andy laughed. "I just want to watch 'cause I might want to take them off of you again."

When they were both dressed, Lee followed Andy down the stairs and into a nicely decorated living room. One man was strumming a guitar while another was prying the top off a bottle of beer. Andy kissed the man holding the beer. "'lo, Bobby. Look what followed me home."

"Nice, Andy, very nice. He have a name?"

Andy looked at Lee. "You got a name, handsome?"

Lee smiled at the two men who were obviously very comfortable with each other. He held out his hand and announced, "Lee."

Bobby wiped his wet hand on his jeans and shook hands. "Hi. Wanna beer?"

"Sure." Lee took the bottle and opened it with the church key Bobby handed him.

Andy draped an arm around the man with the guitar and kissed his ear. "Hi ya, Phil, bummed out again?"

Phil mumbled something Lee couldn't hear and continued playing. Bobby looked at Andy as he moved away from Phil. "Same old, same old, for Phil. Wants to crash and burn. Maybe play, and then maybe play."

Lee, out of his element, decided waiting and watching was his best course of action. He sat on the sofa and watched Phil's hands lovingly caress the guitar strings. The other two men snuggled together as Phil started to sing. Lee was spellbound by the man's plaintive voice and romantic words, and when Phil started into another song, Lee couldn't get the first one out of his mind. When Phil stopped singing, but continued to strum his guitar, Lee asked if he would sing the first song again.

By the time the song had been sung three times, Lee had asked for paper to write down the words. "I've never heard anything like that. Did you write it, Phil? It's like poetry."

"Yeah," answered Phil, holding the guitar in front of him like a shield.

"Where does it come from? The emotion I mean?" Lee understood the magic of music, but nothing had ever touched him like this.

"Don't know." Phil shook his head. "I've been playing and singing since I was a kid and the words just come out sometimes. Would you like to hear it again?"

"Yes," whispered Lee, "I would."

Phil played it yet again, and as the last chord hung in the air, the sun slipped pink fingers of light across the sky. Lee looked from the window to his watch. "Oh my God! I've got to go."

Groping Lee's crotch, Andy said, "But Cinderella, the party's just getting started. Call your boss and tell him you're sick."

"I can't." He had a vision of calling the Secretary of the Navy or even Mr. Kennedy to explain that the reason he couldn't take his submarine out today was because he was busy fucking his new friends. "I really can't."

Dropping to his knees, Lee took Phil's hands and kissed them. "This has been one of the most wonderful nights of my life. I hope I can see you again." When Phil didn't reply, Lee released the man's hands and turned to Bobby and said, "'Bye."

Andy dropped an arm around Lee's shoulder and walked him to the door. "Come back soon."

"I'll be gone for several months, but I'll come back as soon as I dock. After several months at sea, I'll be hotter than I was tonight."

Andy kissed him lightly. "Sure thing, sailor, maybe we'll be here, maybe we won't."
* * * * *

Mon 23 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

Shaking his head to clear the cobwebs, Lee's thoughts returned to the present. Remembering the music from that night had stirred his soul again, even after all these years. The music had been even better than the sex. He stood up and stepped to the closet to remove his wallet from his jacket pocket and pulled the crumpled sheet of paper from inside. He had carried it with him all this time.

The words to "The Lion and the Lamb."

He was staring at it when Chip Morton knocked on his door. "Skipper, you here?"

"Yeah, Chip, come on in." He laid the song lyrics on top of his blank sheet of paper and sat back down.

"Making any progress?"

"Not much. Actually, I was sitting here remembering a very special night with a guy named Phil who made some very special music. I think maybe this song he wrote says a lot about the way I feel about the Admiral." He handed the page to Chip.

When Chip had finished reading, he said, "So who was the guy?"

"I don't know. I don't even know if his real name was Phil. In the back-alley world, no one gives their real names. It's safer that way, and it really isn't important. Only the song was important. The night I first heard it, I was so excited about getting command of the *Rickover* and I hadn't heard from the Admiral in ages, so I picked up a guy in a bar. Went home with him and this other guy showed up later. He sang that song. But I had to leave and I didn't get to know him. When I came back from that first mission, the bar was gone and the guys were gone. It was as if I'd dreamed the night, like Cinderella, but I had this piece of paper. And the song has haunted me ever since. Phil's voice was so sweet and I've hoped maybe he would record it somewhere."

"Did you try to find it in record stores?"

"Everywhere I've been ashore. And sheet music, too. Nothing. No one's ever heard of it. All I have are those words and a melody that's never left my heart. All I'd wanted that night was anonymous hot sex and fate handed me a reminder of what I really wanted." Lee stroked the paper, fingered the words. "The Admiral and I belong together, you know."

Chip gripped Lee's shoulder and chuckled. "Yes, I do know."

Looking up, Lee met the smile in Chip's eyes. "Of course you do, and without your help I might've blown the whole thing, but I can't seem to get the words written that I need to say."

"How about keeping it simple, like I love you, I promise to always love you, I promise to never hurt you, to stand by your side through rough weather...," Chip offered.

"Umm, I don't know. I feel all those things and believe them with all my heart, but they sound so corny when I say them out loud," Lee confessed.

"How do you know? Have you said them out loud?"

"Well, ah, you might as well know," Lee said sheepishly, "I tried saying some things like that to myself in the shaving mirror, and I have to tell you, I sounded pretty lame."

Chip laughed. "I'll bet. But remember, the words are going to sound more meaningful when you're saying them to loving blue eyes instead of your own worried face covered with shaving cream."

"I know, I'm trying." Lee doodled on the blank page he had been staring at for the past hour. "Chip, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead," Chip answered, sliding into the other chair.

"Just something I've wondered about." Lee continued to doodle, suddenly shy about looking his friend in the eye. "I know you grew up in Catholic schools, and your family and your wife are all Catholic. And I know how much you loved your brother. So," Lee finally raised his head to look at Chip, "how do you reconcile your life-long beliefs about homosexuality with your feelings about your brother, and especially your support of Harry and me?"

Chip looked thoughtful. "That's a good question and it deserves a serious answer." He cleared his throat. "I was raised my entire life to believe that two people of the same sex couldn't love each other, and especially not express their love in a sexual way. That it was wrong, it was an abomination against God, and anybody who believed in it, or, God forbid, practiced it, would burn in hell for all eternity. When I was in my teens and early twenties, I started examining and questioning many of the church's teachings. You know how teenagers are -- they think they know it all." He smiled, then continued. "Anyway, with my adult outlook on things, I began to interpret some teachings in a way that would more comfortably fit my life. This has grown over the years, of course. A prime example of that today is that while Carolyn and I want several children, we do not want to breed like rabbits. Many Catholics these days think the church is hopelessly out-of-date with its birth-control rules."

"So, Chip," Lee asked curiously, "is that another area where you've formed your own opinions? About homosexuals, I mean?"

"Yes, I was just getting to that." Chip's face had taken on an intensity that was mirrored in his voice. "I don't pretend to understand why some men seek out other men, I just know that they do. I've been aware of it peripherally since the academy, and it always seemed to me that people should take love wherever they can find it. Love is too precious and too rare to push away because it may not be contained in a package approved of by the world. When Robert died, my feelings on this subject became quite intense, and I swore at his grave that if I could ever help anybody avoid the agonies he'd gone through, I would." Chip chuckled. "Little did I know it would be my college roommate and my favorite admiral."

Lee sighed, awed by the intensity of his friend's commitment.

"Now," Chip said, "can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what secret of mine do you want to know now?" Lee was amused by Chip's delicate probes for information.

"Well, ah, I was just wondering how the Admiral deals with the situation like you told me about while ago, when you picked up that guy in a bar the night you heard that song." Chip pointed at the folded paper. "Or did you hide it from him?"

"No, Chip, I didn't hide it from him. In fact, going to that bar was sort of an assignment." Lee looked smug.

"What?" Chip exclaimed. "I don't understand."

"About six years ago, Harry and I met a couple of guys in Berkeley, who started out counseling us, and have since become our best friends. How we met them is not important. One of them, Charlie, is a psychologist and he's helped us through some problems, one of which was my possessiveness of Harry." Lee smiled. "Charlie assigned me to see other people -- have dinner, go dancing, have sex, whatever -- whenever Harry and I were separated for long periods. And of course, discuss it with each other afterwards. You see," Lee grew very serious, "I love Harry and I believe he loves me, but we don't own each other. That was one of the more difficult lessons I've had to learn."

Lee looked at his doodles, then wadded the paper and threw it toward the wastebasket. He looked up at Chip, who had a thoughtful look on his face. "Can you tell me if the Admiral is having this much trouble?"

Chip smiled. "Maybe you should go ask him."

Lee shrugged, got up from his chair, and stretched. "Maybe I should. Is he in his quarters?"

"You're asking me? I thought you knew where he was at all times," Chip teased. I'm headed to the control room. Come on, I'll walk with you. As far as I know, he's in his quarters."

"Okay. I'm not accomplishing much here."
* * * * *

A few minutes later, Lee knocked lightly on the Admiral's door.

"Yes, come in." Nelson turned to face the door as Lee opened it. "Oh, hello, Lee."

When Lee didn't enter the room, Nelson added, "Problems? Why don't you come in and close the door?"

"Sorry, sir, I've been thinking about some things and I guess I'm a little preoccupied." Lee walked to the chair across the desk from Nelson and sat down.

"Still having trouble writing your vows?"

"No, sir, ah, yes, I guess so. I know how I feel, but I don't seem to be able to write anything down."

"Are you having second thoughts, Lee?" Harry met Lee's eyes and held the glance.

"No, sir, I'm just realizing how important this is, how very important you are to my life, and I want to make sure that I'm worthy of this commitment." Lee dropped his eyes.

"Is there something in particular that's bothering you? Maybe something you'd like to tell me? Perhaps about your family?" Harry lifted Lee's chin with his index finger and looked into his eyes. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"What?" Lee asked. "I thought you could read my mind?"

"Well, let's say that I've enjoyed having you think that. Sometimes I can read your emotions or your body language, but most of the time, like now, I'm not sure. Right now, I can tell that you're agitated, but not what you're agitated about."

"That seems strange to me because I always thought you could read me like a book, even long distance."

"No, Lee, but I and others have watched over you and sometimes..."

Lee jumped from the chair, angry, and shouted, "You spied on me, you had me watched!" This was worse than Harry's safety obsession. "How dare you!"

"Sit down and listen."

Anger made his breathing ragged. "Is that an order, sir?"

"Sarcasm is not necessary. I want you to know. I don't want too many secrets between us."

Nelson's tone made Lee even angrier, but he sat. He met Harry's eyes and waited expectantly, trying to cool down. "Okay, no secrets, tell me." He sat stiffly, with arms tightly crossed.

"I've never spied on you, nor have I ever used my influence to help your career. But I have watched to make sure people like Fred Wilson didn't hurt you. There are other young officers that I also watch over."

Anger flashed again. "Are you sleeping with them, too? Is that where you've been when I couldn't find you? Damn it, Harry, was that part of Charlie's therapy?"

Nelson took Lee's hand and stroked the fingers. "Have you noticed how volatile our emotions have been during this voyage? Unless we learn to control them, this relationship is doomed. Now, will you please try to control your possessive nature and listen to me?"

Lee met Harry's eyes and felt his heart melt and his anger vanish. He was on an emotional roller coaster. He shook his head, "I'm sorry, Admiral, please explain."

"Among the most senior officers in the U.S., there's an unofficial group of us who watch over young officers who show promise. We communicate informally outside regular military channels, and we keep our eyes and ears open for trouble among those young men we believe our country needs. When you were given command of the *Rickover*, I was so proud of you I almost burst, but I was on a top-secret mission and I couldn't contact you. I wanted to see you so desperately and I couldn't. Then you disappeared that night before you sailed and it took me a while to track down where you'd gone. If you'd been caught, it would've ended your career. I know Charlie encouraged you to do that, but I was worried that you wouldn't pick a safe place."

"Damn it, Harry, I was careful. Nobody, and I mean nobody, knew where I was that night."

"Wrong! Everybody in that bar knew you were there, including the bartender, who's an old acquaintance. Eventually, you told me about it yourself, but by then I already knew all about it."P> "I picked up a guy in a bar. I wanted you and I didn't know where you were and I needed someone. You'd agreed we should follow Charlie's suggestions about experimenting with other people."

"I know, Lee. I'm sorry I wasn't there, and I accept what you did. But you're reckless...."

"I'm not reckless and I'm not an adrenaline junkie and I would never jeopardize you or us...."

"Lee, be honest and tell me what was on your mind that night."

"I wanted you. I wanted you so badly I was in pain. Eventually, I just wanted a hard body who'd make me forget how much I wanted you."

"Did it work?"

"Maybe," he said slowly. "Did you have anything to do with that bar moving and Andy and Bobby? Did you..."?

"I helped them relocate. No one was hurt and no one knew it was me, or you. I'm not perfect and I have lessons to learn, too. I can't fault you for seeking a stranger's arms that night, but I didn't want you to see him again." Nelson stroked Lee's hand, then kissed his fingers. "Watching you with other men, and being right next to you to share it, is different than hearing about it later and letting my imagination fill in the details."

"So you're my guardian angel?" Lee didn't know whether to be angry or flattered, but he loved the feel of Harry's lips against his fingers.

"I suppose that was originally my role, and is with the other men, but with you, when we were together on the *Nautilus*, my halo got misplaced."

"I don't think so, sir. If you could see yourself in a sunrise, you'd know that the other angels put it back every morning." It was Lee's turn to kiss the Admiral's fingers. "I suppose you know about the other times."

"Not the details as they weren't as close to Washington or Norfolk. Frankly, although I was a little jealous, I was more concerned about what discovery could mean for your career."

"You mean to tell me, Admiral, that you don't care if I sleep with other men as long as I cover my tracks well?" Lee didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Of course I care if you sleep with other men...."

"No one could ever take your place in my heart. Harry, please understand that you are the most important thing in my life."

"A beautiful woman who could give you children and a normal life might steal your heart some day and I'd have to let you go."

Lee clasped both of Harry's hands, then held the blue eyes with his own. "When I say to you *until death do us part*, I'll mean that there'll be no one between us, period, end of statement. How can I make you understand how much I love you?"

"I guess that's something I'll never fully understand. You're young and handsome and virile and full of life. When you walk into a crowded room, all eyes are on you and you could have your pick of any man, or any woman. When you smile, those people melt at your feet. I have to ask myself what you see in an old Irish sea dog like me."

"If I can pick anyone I want, why can't you understand that the one I want is you? And why can't you understand how sexy and beautiful you are?" Lee stroked Harry's face.

"I'm delighted that you think I'm, uh, sexy and beautiful, laddie, but those are words I'll simply never be able to apply to myself." He took the hand stroking his face and kissed the fingers. "You're the sexy beautiful one."

"Harry, my love, let's call a truce and just admit that we each adore the other." Lee smiled. "This is an argument that can never be settled." His eyes twinkled. "Or, it could be settled if you'd admit I'm right."

Harry laughed, the tension leaving his face. "I'll never admit you're right, Mr. Sexy and Beautiful. But I'll agree to a truce." Harry kissed Lee, then interrupted his tender exploration. "You didn't tell me why you were so upset when you first came in."

Lee sighed. "Probably for a lot of reasons. Frustration from trying to write my vows, anxiety, anticipation, fear. And let's not forget sexual tension. Harry, I'm so horny. Why can't I make love to you?" Lee stroked the visible bulge in his pants.

"Please, Lee, I've given you my reasons. I'm sorry you're in distress, but I must insist you respect my wishes in this matter."

Lee could hear the tremble in the Admiral's voice and knew Harry wasn't as unaffected as he wanted Lee to believe. He stepped into the Admiral's head and splashed cold water on his face, and willed his erection to go away. They would be together soon, and he would make Harry pay for this week of torture.

Lee rejoined the Admiral, and decided to just ignore his cock, which was already beginning to subside. He sat back down and spread his hands. "So, what do we do now?"

The Admiral's glance was full of longing and trust and hope. "Why, just what we've already been doing. Write our vows, prepare our hearts for what's to come, and love each other. And don't forget to finish all your paperwork so we can get off this boat on time."

Lee took a deep breath. "But first, I have to learn to handle my raging emotions, and you have to learn to share with me any little secrets like the guardian angel committee."

"I don't want there to be secrets between us but there will be times in my dealings with Washington when it may happen. I'm an old Navy man and I trade confidences with other old Navy men that have nothing whatever to do with you. You'll just have to live with the fact that I have commitments to other people that don't concern you, that I can't share with you. I'm still your commanding officer and your senior by too many years, and that creates situations that were in my life before you. Can you deal with that?"

"Harry, I trust you with my life and my heart. You be honest with me about us, and I'll try to leave the rest of your professional life alone." Lee leaned forward over the desk with the intention of kissing Harry. "And, you beautiful old man, you're not too senior for me. Don't ever think you are."

Before Lee could quite reach him, Morton's voice came over the loud speaker, "Captain to the control room."

Lee grabbed the microphone on Nelson's desk. "Yes, Mr. Morton, what is it?"

"Engineering wants to surface, sir."

Lee exchanged a look with the Admiral. "On my way."

"Aye, sir," Morton's voice ended the exchange.

Lee held the door open for Harry and walked with him to the control room. "Duty calls." He wished they could stroll through the boat holding hands.
* * * * *

Wed 25 Mar 64
Aboard the *Seaview*

It was three o'clock in the morning and Lee was in the gym drenched with sweat, exercising to rid himself of frustration. I'm getting married at sunrise and I still can't decide what to say to express my love to the most important person in my life. Why does it have to be so damn impossible?

Slumping down on the weight bench, he buried his face in his hands. The hatchway opened. "Skipper?"

"Yeah, Chip." He didn't look up. "What're you doing here?"

"Looking for you." Chip closed the door and walked over to sit next to Lee. "I understand you've been roaming the ship all night. What's wrong? Having second thoughts?" Chip laid his hand on Lee's knee.

Squeezing the hand on his leg, Lee admitted, "Having no thoughts would be more like it." He wiped his sweaty face on an equally sweaty towel.

"Lee, will you make sense? I thought this commitment was what you wanted, so what's the problem?" Pulling his hand back, Chip clasped his own hands together in his lap.

Lee twisted the towel in his hands, stared at the floor and sighed. "I want to give the Admiral an expression of my love, you know, like a ring or something, but I don't have anything." He looked at Chip. "You know, I didn't have much notice about this mission. I had to pack my gear with a Navy escort tapping his foot and saying hurry, hurry, your orders came from the White House." He forced a laugh. "I barely had time to grab a toothbrush, otherwise I'd have bought Harry something special just because I was assigned to the *Seaview*. You've no idea how excited I was when I thought he'd changed his mind about us and ordered me to *Seaview*. Now when I want to say `with this ring I thee wed,' I don't even have a ring." His stomach cramped and his body flushed with heat.

"Easy, Lee." Chip put his arm around Lee's shoulder. "You can buy him something when we get to Santa Barbara."

"I know, but I wish I had something to give him today. I can't think of anything to say or do. Chip, I really don't know what I'm going to do." He threw the towel on the floor. "I'd settle for a cigar band, but I can't even find one of those." Lee dropped his head in his hands, as his stomach spasmed again. He was cold and clammy, thinking for a moment he might pass out.

The hand was warm on his shoulder as Chip pulled Lee to his feet. "Go take a shower, Skipper. I'll go to the galley and brew some fresh coffee, then join you in your quarters. Maybe Uncle Chip can figure something out."

Lee started to put the weights back on the shelf when he doubled over and vomited on the gym floor, just missing Chip's shoes. Leaning over to support Lee,

Chip said, "Jesus, Skipper, I better get you to sick bay."

"No!" His voice was so loud it startled him. "I'm sorry, Chip. I seem to be falling apart, but I don't think it's anything Doc can fix."

"I don't understand what's wrong with you. The Admiral has gone along with everything you wanted. And look at you."

"You know, Harry always tells me how imaginative I am and right now I don't have one single idea. How am I supposed to marry him in a couple of hours, when I'm tossing my cookies like some green midshipman?" He dropped to his knees and started to wipe up his mess with the sweaty towel.

"That's what the best man's for. You know I'd've never made it to the church without you." Pulling Lee to his feet, Chip scolded, "You're making it worse. I'll clean this up and meet you in your quarters. I promise we'll think of something." He pushed Lee towards the door. "Now go."

Lee hugged the bulkhead for a moment, then squared his shoulders and walked down the corridor with his head high. In his quarters, Lee almost gave way to tears, but sternly told himself that a submarine captain did not cry, wedding day or not. And submarine captains should definitely never throw up on their best man.

He stood in the shower and let the hot water soothe his abused muscles. He ordered his stomach to relax and decided to plan his honeymoon. He pictured himself and Harry cruising up the California coast scouting for perfect secret hideaways with plush four-poster beds. Or maybe a cruise to Mexico. After all, they had saved the world from destruction, or a good part of it anyway. That should earn them a few days shore leave that they could use for a honeymoon. {I wonder if Harry's ever been to Disneyland.}

Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed a towel and dried himself. Maybe all this stress was from wanting Harry so desperately and being forbidden to touch him. It had now been a week, but Harry had promised that the wait would be worth it.

Lee dressed, thinking about how happy he had been that night when Harry had changed the pattern of their lives and the night when Lee knew he was in love with the Admiral, the 'til death do us part kind of love, and now Harry had promised they would spend the rest of their lives together.

Lee was toweling his hair dry when Chip tapped at his door. "Skipper?"

"Come on in, Chip. I'll be right there." Lee grabbed his robe from the back of the door and pulled it over his damp skin.

Chip set a tray on Lee's desk as he motioned for Lee to sit down. "Considering your current state, I brought tea and dry toast. You be a good boy and put something in your stomach or I'll haul your ass to sick bay." Chip filled a cup with tea and handed it to Lee. After Lee had nibbled at the toast, Chip handed a small box to Lee. "I want you to have this."

Taking the box, he searched Chip's eyes for meaning, but found only a hint of mystery. "What is it?"

"Why do people always say that when they can open the box and find out for themselves? Open the box."

"Yes, sir, certainly, sir." His emotions were so scrambled he didn't know if he was trying to be funny or sarcastic. Then he opened the box and stared in confusion. It was a silver dog tag engraved with the word CAMEL. He held it up and asked, "What the hell is this, some kind of joke?"

"Skipper, some days I'm sorry I took the job as your keeper. You're a brilliant man, worthy of the Admiral, but certainly lacking in tact. Quite frankly sir, you could use some sensitivity training." Chip shrugged and sipped his tea. "That's a special treasure I wish to share with you, and if you'll wipe that sneer off your face, I'll tell you exactly what it means."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Please, tell me." He tore the toast into strips.

"When I asked Carolyn to marry me, I was still regular Navy, assigned to a sub that was lurking around the coast of Vietnam. Okay, so officially we aren't at war over there, but let me tell you that anyone wearing a uniform was a target and we were under wartime orders. You know, nothing personal in case you're captured, and all that bullshit. I couldn't even carry a picture of Carolyn in my wallet." He drank more tea, then fiddled with his cup. "Anyway, just before I sailed, Carolyn gave me that. She said I could wear it with my dog tags and no one but us would know what it meant."

"CAMEL? The last time I looked that was an ugly, smelly desert animal."

"Lee, the military loves acronyms and uses them everywhere, so Carolyn designed an acronym I could wear around my neck and know that I always carried her love with me. You see, it stands for from Carolyn, All My Eternal Love."

Staring at the metal in his hand, Lee shook his head, then at this friend. "I'll be damned. You certainly picked a clever, not to mention, beautiful girl."

"Yes, I did. And she's not just clever, she's brilliant. Since a lot of sailors smoke Camels, it's the name of a famous American cigarette. I think it might be an appropriate gift for you to give to Admiral Nelson."

"But I can't take this. What would Carolyn say?"

"She's a sappy romantic and she'll probably cry when I tell her the story. She would also add that we gave it to you, that you should read it from Chip and Carolyn, well, ah, you know...."

"You're going to tell her? About me and the Admiral? And you think she'll still like me -- uh -- I don't think that's a good idea, I mean...."

"It's okay, Lee. She's more than my wife, she's my best friend and the only one I've ever been able to talk to about Robert, well, until now. She'll be thrilled that you and Admiral Nelson have each other. It also means that you won't have to pretend when you come to our house, and she won't be trying to fix you up with her single friends. Besides, this way our kids will have two godfathers."

"Are you planning to start your family soon?"

"We hope so. We're trying." Chip smiled. "And if our first is a boy, who knows, we might just name him Harriman Lee."

Lee laughed and shook his head. "You'd do that to your kid? I don't know what to say. I was so upset about not having a gift, I was ready to call the whole thing off. And now...."

"And now, you have to decide what meaning to give these letters before you give it to him. Something like from Crane, All My Eternal Love."

Lee studied it for a moment. "Or From the CAPTAIN to the ADMIRAL, My Eternal Love."

"That has possibilities." He finished his tea and glanced at the wall clock. "But we don't have much time. It's four thirty and we still have things to do before we surface, if you want the ceremony precisely at sunrise."

"That, at least, has to be right. Oh my God, I forgot to check the weather." He pushed his chair back and paced the floor. "What if it's cloudy? Chip?"

"Will you relax? I checked the National Weather Service before I found you in the gym. Sunrise will be at five forty seven. I'm going to surface the ship at five thirty. You should be in the observation nose no later than that time. I have to know that you'll be there, because I have to be in the control room. Can I trust you to make it to the church on time?"

Leaning against his desk chair, Lee asked, "Is the Admiral a basket case or is he sleeping peacefully in his cabin?"

"Oh, no you don't, Captain, I won't answer a question like that. You just get dressed and be there on time. And for God's sake, don't throw up on the Admiral."

Chip poured Lee a fresh cup of tea, then gathered the empty dishes and put them back on the tray to return them to the galley. "Five thirty. If you're late, you lose your sunrise."

Caressing the gift from Chip, Lee smiled. "I'm not sure why something I want so desperately is so difficult, but I want the Admiral in my life forever. I'll be there."
* * * * *

It was five fifteen when Lee left his quarters for the observation nose. As he descended the stairs, the Admiral was staring out the window, but turned as Lee walked toward him. "Good morning, Lee."

"Good morning, sir. Permission to kiss the Admiral, sir."

"Permission granted, as long as you keep it simple. I need your promise not to tease me today. Understand, I want nothing more than to curl up in bed with you, but I have other responsibilities today and if you'll behave yourself, I'll make it up to you tonight."

The sight of Harry, and the soft sound of pleading in his voice, twisted Lee's heart. "Admiral, how can I deny you anything? Although you do make the most difficult requests." Cupping Harry's chin with his hand and lifting his face, Lee pressed their lips together. Careful not to bring their bodies into contact, he made their kiss soft and gentle, trying to express his love, rather than his raging need.

When he stepped back, Lee's heart was pounding, but when he looked into Harry's blue eyes, Lee knew he would always do as Harry asked. "This is going to sound silly, but I wish my car was here. I'd like nothing better than to take several days and explore some of California with you."

"We can use one of the cars from the Institute."

"Harry, a blue government-issue Ford with no guts is not exactly my idea of a dream machine. I want the feel of speed and power in my hands."

"I know." The blue eyes twinkled. "I've ridden with you, which is probably why I know you're an adrenaline junkie."

"Don't start on me. After everything we've been through on this mission, I've had enough adrenaline rushes to last a lifetime. There were several times when I thought we were going to die, either by the enemy's action or because the bomb didn't work, and all I could think about was staying close enough to you so that if we had to die, you'd be in my arms."

"Do you begin to understand my obsession about your safety?"

Before Lee could answer, Chip's voice came over the intercom. "Prepare to surface."

"It's almost time, Harry." He stood next to the Admiral and watched the water. He'd worry about the Admiral's obsession later because he had other things to worry about now. "I wish we could have music. Maybe flowers, too, but it seems really strange to do this without music."

"Do you want to wait until we dock? We could do this tomorrow or in a few days on our real tenth anniversary. I could give you all those things on shore."

He folded his arms across his chest as he stared into the dark water. "No, I don't want to wait. And since *Seaview* is going to be part of our lives, I think she should be included in all parts of our lives. It wouldn't seem right to marry you anywhere else." He stood as close to Nelson as possible without touching him.

As the ship began to rise, Nelson said, "Mr. Morton set a course due east so you could have your sunrise."

"Mr. Morton's given me a lot more than a sunrise. He's made it possible for us to be together." Lee watched the bubbles rise in front of the window. His body tingled with anticipation.

"Good morning, Gentlemen," said Fred Wilson as he descended the spiral staircase.

"Good morning, Fred. How's the arm?" Nelson turned from the window.

"Doctor Jamison said it's healing, but I'll be in this cast for a few more weeks. When does this affair begin?" He poured coffee from the pot on the table. "Either of you want coffee?"

"No, thank you, Doctor," Lee responded. "But I wish we had champagne." He did not feel comfortable around this man.

"Well, Captain, you limited your amenities when you decided to do this before reaching Santa Barbara."

"Yes, sir, I know. But this is the best choice for the Admiral and me."

"Do you agree with your captain, Harry?" Wilson probed.

"Yes, Fred, I agree with *my* captain. And the ceremony begins when the sun rises. My handsome young captain likes sunrises."

Warmth flooded through Lee at the tone of Harry's words. This was going to work, thanks to Chip and his last-minute gift. He took Harry's hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed the back of Harry's fingers. He raised his eyes to Harry's. "I love you," he whispered so softly that only Harry could hear.

Water cleared the windows as *Seaview* surfaced and Lee could see the pink edges of dawn peaking over the horizon, a promise of brightness and hope. His stomach tightened and he squeezed Harry's hand. Chip came in from the control room.

"Good morning, gentlemen. Mother Nature's present is a perfect day. Are you ready, Lee?"

"Yes," he croaked, his throat dry. "Is there water by the coffee pot?" He had the sudden urge to run from the room. Chip rescued him with a glass of water and Lee took it in one hand while holding onto Harry with the other.

Chip said, "Since neither of you could get your act together for a rehearsal, I hope you both know your lines."

When Lee finished the water, Chip took the glass and set it down, then picked up a book from the Admiral's desk.

Nelson pulled Lee's hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I'm ready, Chip, but if Lee doesn't stop crushing my hand, we may have to invite Doctor Jamison." When Lee tried to pull his hand away, Harry wouldn't let go. "I said stop crushing my hand, not stop holding it."

"Lee," Chip asked, "are you okay where you're standing? I want you to turn and face me before you face each other. "I want Harry to stand where the sun will backlight him while I make my promises."

Lee moved a couple of inches to the left and positioned Harry to stand with his back to the window. Lee's back was to Fred Wilson and Chip stood to Lee's right.

"Okay, I want you to hold each other's hands, rights in lefts, about chest level." Chip positioned their hands. "Yeah, that's it. Now, look at me."

Lee, facing the Admiral, turned his head to look at Chip. "Like this?"

"Yes. I have a few things to say before the sun comes up. Ready?" Lee nodded. Chip cleared his throat. "I have no authority whatsoever to marry anyone and, even if I were the Captain, I'd have no authority to marry you, either from the state or the church. But I don't agree with those rules and I want an active role in your commitment here today.

"Gentlemen, the path you've chosen is a difficult one. It's a path that could lead to your destruction unless you're prepared to love each other, support each other, protect each other, and communicate with each other.

"As I look at you, I see love. The church says that God punishes your kind of love, but I can't believe that. I cannot accept a God who wouldn't bless any union of love as strong as yours. I believe that you're destined to be together and that together you'll be a stronger unit than if you remained separate. Therefore, I take it upon myself to interpret God's words on love and marriage to include you and I want to share those words now because I think they're necessary to make this ceremony complete."

Opening the book he held, he spoke softly and reverently. "This is one of Carolyn's favorite scriptures, so I'd like to share it with you now. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could move mountains, and have not love, I have nothing. Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not, love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Love doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own way, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Love rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth. Love beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never faileth; but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail, whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

He bowed his head and closed his eyes. "Most Gracious Savior, bless, we pray, these two who are pledging themselves to each other in the bonds of Holy Matrimony. This, O Lord, is honorable, and signifies the union that exists between Thee and Thy Church. It is upon an occasion such as this which Thou didst adorn and beautify with Thine own presence and first miracle in Cana of Galilee. We pray that the love of these two be strong, holy, and deathless. May they soberly see beyond these precious days to the future. Grant that they may regard their home to be a sacred sanctuary, in which Thou, O Christ, shalt find Thy place as the Head of the family. In Thy Holy Name we Pray, Amen."

Chip crossed himself. When Chip looked out the window, the sun was peeking over the horizon. "Before you make promises to each other, I'd like to make a promise of my own. Admiral, like Lee, I took an oath to obey your orders. And Lee, since you're now my commanding officer, that oath includes you. I wish to add to that oath by offering my support of you and your love, my protection when and wherever it's necessary, my role as squire should you need such services, and whatever else you need in order to live and work with a marriage that is outside the boundaries set by other men.

"I wish you happiness and a long life full of love." He checked the window, then looked at Lee. "Skipper, your sunrise."

"Thank you, Chip," Lee managed to say, overwhelmed by how much love was possible between people. He turned to face Harry just as the sun struck the window and highlighted the Admiral's hair. "Harry," he pulled Harry's left hand to his lips again and kissed it lightly, "there are several things I want to share with you, things that've happened that make me understand how important you are in my life.

"That night before I took the *Rickover* out for the first time, there's more to the story than you know. There was another man in that apartment, a guy named Phil, who played guitar and sang for about half the night. Oh, Harry, the poetry in his music was incredible. He said he had written what he was singing and there was one song I made him sing over and over because it reminded me of how much I love you. I wish I could sing it for you now because it's more powerful with the music, but the words alone are strong. So, to mark this beautiful day, I want to share those words with you, words that I've carried in my heart for three years."

In his head he could hear Phil strum the guitar, which enabled Lee to relax and remember the words. "Harry, I don't know why Phil wrote this song, but I think it must've been because he loved someone as much as I love you.

When he had finished the poem, Lee's voice was quivering and Harry's eyes were bright with unshed tears. When Harry tried to speak, Lee shushed him. "I'm not through yet, sir." He fumbled in his pocket with his free right hand and pulled out Chip's gift. Lee had threaded it onto the length of chain that usually held his own dog tags. "I wanted to give you something special to mark this day and I couldn't think of anything that I had with me. As has been the case since I came aboard, Chip solved my problem. Harry, your Irish blood will appreciate the blessings of this token of love, not just my love for you, but the love of other people as well." He fingered the charm. "Engraved on this replica of a dog tag is the word CAMEL, a silly, no-meaning word that you can wear all the time, even on wartime missions. Only the four of us will know what it really means. When Carolyn gave the charm to Chip, she told him that the letters stood for from Carolyn, All My Eternal Love. "When Chip gave it to me to give to you, it was in recognition that the power of my love for you might be equal to that shared by Carolyn and Chip. It's also a symbol of the special relationship the Mortons have to us and we to them. I ask you to accept this token as a symbol of my love, reading it as from the Captain to the Admiral, My Eternal Love for you and the recognition of our love by those who stand with us today."

Harry nodded and whispered, "I do."

"With this symbol I ask you to accept my promise of absolute unqualified love, my oath of loyalty, my pledge to protect you when I can, my guarantee to safeguard my life as I'll safeguard yours, my vow to understand your needs, and my promise to do everything in my power to make you happy. Do you accept my promises?"

"I do."

"Because this symbol of love was designed by a very special lady who loves her husband and respects his life as a military officer, I can ask you, as Carolyn asked Chip, to wear this token of my love, knowing that it'll remind you of my love without advertising it to anyone else. Will you accept this token of my love?"

"I will," Harry answered as a tear dropped from his eye to his cheek.

It took Lee several moments before he could speak again, then he turned to Chip and asked, "Since none of this would be possible without you, will you help me place Carolyn's charm around Harry's neck?"

Chip, whose eyes were also bright with tears, merely nodded and stepped closer, so he could take the chain in this left hand while Lee held the chain in his right. Together, they draped the chain around Harry's neck.

"Harry," Lee started, then had to work to make the words push past the lump in his throat. "Harry, I promise myself to you for all the days of my life. I promise to cherish you and hold you and care for you and love you until the sun stops rising in the east." He leaned forward and touched his lips to Harry's, then stared into blue eyes until he thought he would drown in the love shining there.

When Harry broke eye contact, he looked to Morton. "Well, Mr. Morton, ah, Chip, it seems you've had to do double duty as best man here. If you please?"

Chip pulled a small round object from his pocket and handed it to the Admiral. "It's been my pleasure, Admiral, Captain. It's my hope that your love outlives these symbols you're exchanging today." He handed the ring to Nelson. Lee was speechless. {A ring. Where the hell did you get a ring?}

"Lee, I need your right hand," Harry said as he tugged on the hand Lee was holding. Harry slipped the ring just past the first knuckle on the third finger of Lee's right hand.

Lee gasped, "Harry, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The colors, blue and green and purple, so bright. Where did you..."? His body trembled and he was glad to feel Chip's reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Shhh. Listen and I'll tell you. I hadn't planned to tell you the history this morning, but considering what you've given me, I want to tell you." He held the ring in place on Lee's finger. "The metal is titanium. It's relatively new, but up to now it's only been used for things like space capsules and submarine hull plates. As you may know, it's super strong and super light. I've been playing around with it for a while to see what other practical uses could be made of it, and I discovered that if it's suspended in water and exposed to an electrical current, it changes colors, depending on the temperature of the water and the strength of the current. At the time, I thought that was interesting, but had little scientific value. But when I wanted something to symbolize my feelings for you, I knew that a rare metal with special properties would be the perfect symbol of what our love means to me. With the assistance of Mr. Morton, I was able to fashion a ring from material on board *Seaview*. However, unless I further fashion a silver casing to protect the finish, it'll scratch, so once we're back at the Institute, I'll complete the project -- that is, if you agree to wear my ring."

"Oh, Harry," Lee managed while fighting the tears that filled his eyes.

"Is that a yes?"

Lee nodded, unable to trust his voice.

"Good. With this ring, I thee wed, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, until death do us part." He pushed the ring to the base of Lee's finger and held it there, then continued. "I've given a lot of thought this past week to reciting a romantic poem, or even trying to write one. I finally decided that nothing expresses my feelings any better than two lines from a poem I read years ago, and I don't even remember the author's name."

He squeezed Lee's hand a little tighter, and his voice was husky as he recited. "If your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

Lee was moved beyond words.

"Lee," the Admiral continued, "I'm blessed to have you in my life. I eagerly embrace this new depth to our relationship, and I'm awed that you've chosen me to share your life. I only ask that you take care with your life so that you'll be around to take care of me and *Seaview* for a very long time."

Lee nodded and mumbled, "Yes, sir."

"I can't hear you, Captain. Look at me and repeat your answer." Harry squeezed Lee's hand.

Mesmerized by the sun haloing the gold in Harry's hair, Lee couldn't find his voice until Chip whispered, "This is it, Lee, say the words and he's yours forever."

"Harry, I love you. I accept your ring and your promises as you've accepted mine. Please kiss me." He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Harry and pulling their mouths together.

A loud voice from the intercom blared: "Captain to the control room."

Morton jumped to the bulkhead and grabbed the microphone. "This is the Exec, what's the problem?"

"No problem, sir. Orders were to dive at oh six thirty, but the Captain hasn't been out for his morning run."

Chip spoke into the microphone, "The Captain was detained this morning. Make preparations to dive, Mr. O'Brien, nine oh feet, speed two thirds. Take us home."

"Aye sir, depth nine oh feet, speed two thirds."

"Gentlemen," Chip said as he placed a hand on each man's shoulder, "please let me offer you my congratulations." He tried to shake hands with Lee, who pulled him into a bear hug. Then he turned to Nelson and smiled, "Permission to hug the Admiral, sir."

Harry smiled, "Permission granted, Chip, and thank you. For everything."

Wilson stepped forward and handed each man a glass of water. "I wish it were your champagne, Captain, but I'll have to send that along later. However, I'd like to propose a toast to the Admiral and his Captain." As he raised his glass in his uninjured left hand, he looked at Harry, "I don't suppose you'd let me kiss...."

His voice stern, Nelson said, "I've been thinking of installing a plank on *Seaview*. Don't volunteer to be the first man to walk it."

"Aye, aye, Admiral, sir." Wilson held his glass in the air and offered, "May you sail the seven seas and live forever." He drank. "Harry, I must say in all my years, I've never seen anything that equals what I've seen here. If there's love for an old coot like you, maybe I can get lucky, too."

"Fred, I wish everyone in the world could be as happy as I am right now." Nelson winked at Chip. "If you shed a few layers of that arrogant, crusty exterior, you might be surprised by what you find."

"Sir," Morton interjected, "if I might make a suggestion, you and the Captain should make an appearance in the control room, since it is his usual morning routine, then adjourn to your quarters before your emotions give you away. This has been a very emotional experience for all of us."

"Of course, Chip. Why don't you arrange for breakfast to be sent to my quarters, then you and Doctor Wilson can join us there."

"Begging the Admiral's pardon, but I can't imagine that you really want company just now. How about if I send breakfast for two to the Captain's quarters, sir, and I'll see you later in the morning." He spoke quietly to Wilson and the two of them climbed the stairs.

"Lee, you're shaking like a leaf. Are you okay?"

"Well, Harry, it seems I waited until now to fall apart, but military training will prevail, sir. I'll be fine." He tried to will his body to calm down.

"Why don't you wait for me in your quarters." The Admiral dropped a kiss on Lee's lips, then tucked his new dog tag inside his shirt. "I'll check the control room and be right there."
* * * * *

By the time Lee reached his quarters, breakfast was waiting. He poured coffee with shaking hands, then ignored it as he sat down and drank a glass of apple juice. Stroking his wedding ring, {my wedding ring}, he marveled that he was going to be with the Admiral for the rest of his life. No wonder his hands would not stop shaking.

He was still stroking his ring when the Admiral came in, a bounce in his step. The Admiral breathed a kiss on Lee's ear before he sat down and poured a cup of coffee. "Are you all right, laddie?"

"I don't know, sir." Lee shook his head. "I should be so horny that I'd already have you out of your clothes, but Harry, I feel so...."

"Overwhelmed? Exhausted? Scared out of your mind?"

"I don't know, maybe all those and more."

"Chip told me you were a little frazzled before the ceremony, that you nearly lost it."

His fingers still stroking his new ring, Lee confessed, "Chip's being kind, sir, I did lose it. In fact, I threw up in the gym. And if he hadn't been here, I would've made a complete fool of myself this morning." He looked up into Harry's eyes. "I didn't even know what to say to you until Chip saved the day."

"Mr. Morton didn't write those words, Lee, they came from your heart. I know. I could see them in your eyes."

"But until Chip gave me Carolyn's charm, the words wouldn't come. When you put this ring on my finger, if Chip hadn't been supporting me, I would've fallen on my face."

Harry laughed, then reached over to stroke Lee's face. "Do you know who you sound like?"

Lee shook his head.

"Me." Harry took Lee's right hand in his left.

"What?"

"That first night you were aboard, and I was....."

"A little speedy, sir?" Lee smiled at the memory.

"Delicately phrased, Captain. It seems we've switched roles, and right now you're a little out of control. Tell me, laddie, when was the last time you had any sleep?"

"Uncle Chip been telling tales out of school?"

"What? Oh, Chip? No, but I did hear tales from some of the night crew who were worried about you. It seems you've been working out in the gym in the middle of the night all week long, and there was some concern. I think, my dear Captain, you've won their hearts, too."

Lee shivered. "Then I better stand my watch today."

"I told everyone I thought you had a touch of flu. I mean, there was that little accident in the gym." Harry chuckled.

"I don't believe I did that. I barely missed Chip's shoes. I mean, here I had everything I've wanted in life, and I'm tossing my cookies. Jesus, Harry, I can do battle with a giant squid with only scraps and bruises, but marriage to the man I love leaves me weak as a kitten. Can you explain that?"

Harry squeezed Lee's hand. "Emotional overload. It's what you did to me just by coming aboard my boat. Lee, there was a lot of heavy emotion around us this morning. I nearly lost it over Chip's words and then when you gave me this -- " Pulling his hand away, Harry lifted the charm from under his shirt, "Lee, that was the most...."

"Maybe fate stepped in one more time, when I couldn't get my act together. Maybe I have more than one guardian angel." He shook his head because it felt like it was stuffed with cotton. "I think I'll take all the help I can find. My love, you are quite a handful. Now, eat your breakfast." Harry took the lid off his plate and tackled the food with gusto.

Lee sipped more juice. "My stomach's still queasy. I don't think I want to eat."

"I'll tell you what," Harry said around a mouthful of egg, "I'm going to tuck you into bed, tell you a bedtime story, then go do all the things I have to do before we dock."

"I can't go to bed, there's no time."

"Captain Crane, I have big plans for you tonight and I expect you to be up for all the activities. I know you haven't slept in at least two nights, probably more. So, your choices are to take a nap willingly or I call Doctor Jamison and he slips a needle full of sedative into your cute little butt. Your call, Captain."

"Yes, sir, Admiral, in that case I guess I'll take a nap. And I'd rather you tuck me in, but please don't make me eat. I couldn't keep it down. I had tea and toast earlier." Lee looked down at his plate, unhappy with the way his body was betraying him.

"Okay," Harry agreed, as he reached for Lee's plate. "I'm starved. I'll eat your breakfast while you get undressed."

In the head, Lee splashed water on his face and looked at his reflection in the mirror. {The happiest day of my life and I look like hell. Jesus, what a sad sight.}

He didn't bother with his usual pajamas, but crawled into his bunk wearing his skivvies.

Harry poured another glass of juice and brought it over to Lee, who drank about half before handing it back to Harry. Harry put the glass back on the table and sat on the edge of the bed to stroke Lee's face. "I love you, laddie."

"Kiss me, Harry. Lie down here and hold me."

"Just until you go to sleep. I have work to do and you have resting to do, because tonight we're going to celebrate in style. Flowers, music, candlelight, wine, the works. I'm going to show you just how much I love you." Harry touched his lips to Lee's, then moved to kiss Lee's eyes and forehead. Lee closed his eyes and drifted off on a cloud full of angels.
* * * * *

"Ummmm," Lee murmured as something warm brushed his face. "Ummmm ... wh'zat?"

"Wake up, Lee," the Admiral's voice said in his ear. "We dock in two hours and I want my captain in the control room of my submarine when we take her home."

Stretching under the covers, Lee's body responded to the Admiral's presence. "What if the Captain wants the Admiral to crawl into his bed?"

"Then the Captain will just have to be disappointed, I'm afraid. First we put my boat to bed, then I'll put you to bed."

"The last time you put me to bed, you made me go to sleep by myself." He pulled Harry's hand under the blanket.

Harry stroked Lee's groin and sighed. "Nice, very nice, Captain, but this has to wait until later." Harry leaned forward and kissed Lee. "And we'll spend all night in each other's arms."

"Ummmm, all night. God, I can hardly wait. Harry, I love you." He caressed the ring on his right hand.

"I love you, too, laddie, but right now I want you out of this bed, running my submarine and earning your pay. Shower time."

"I suppose you're going to make me shower alone?" He pulled Harry back down into a long kiss.

"I'm going to paddle your ass if you don't get out of that bed, into your uniform, and up to my control room." Dropping a kiss on Lee's mouth, Harry didn't move his hand from Lee's groin.

"Is paddling a new form of Navy discipline, you dirty old man?" He stretched again, teasing Harry and wondering why his lover would talk about punishing him on their wedding day.

"I promise that when I get through with you tonight, you won't be able to sit down for a week." Harry jerked the covers off Lee and pulled him into a sitting position. "Now up."

"Yes, sir, Admiral, sir." He smiled. "And would that be because you're really going to paddle me or because you're going to ride me so hard?" He smirked and the Admiral blushed. {God, I love to make you do that.}

"You know I won't hurt you."

"And you know I'm not made of glass. Harry, what're you trying to tell me?"

The Admiral pulled Lee to his feet. "Only that I want you dressed and captaining this vessel." Harry popped Lee on the butt and directed him to the head. "Now go."

Without closing the door, Lee stepped into the shower. The hot water felt wonderful on his skin, almost as wonderful as Harry's hands or morning sunshine. {What's going on in your devious little mind, Harry?}

"The sooner we dock, the sooner we can disembark, and the sooner we can check into the hotel," the Admiral's voice said over the running water.

"Okay, okay." Lee stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. "Dry my back?" he asked playfully.

The Admiral was leaning against the door frame, watching, but made no move to touch Lee. "I'm not made of stone, Lee, and I'll prove it at the right time and place."

A few minutes later, as he was buttoning his shirt, there was a knock on the door. "Skipper? It's Chip."

: Admiral Nelson opened the door. "Come in, Mr. Morton."

"Admiral, would it be possible for you to call me Chip, at least in private?" Chip was smiling.

"Old habits are difficult to break, but I, ah, we," he gestured to Lee, "owe you a great deal and if all you want from me is that I call you Chip, I'll try to honor the request."

"Thank you, sir." He turned to face Lee. "Feeling better, Skipper?"

"Yeah, Chip, thanks. Are all weddings so tough on the participants?" Lee finished knotting his tie.

"I don't know, Lee. I remember being completely dazed because Carolyn was so beautiful that I couldn't breathe." Chip's face glowed with happiness.

"I do remember how beautiful she was, but did she collapse at your feet?" Lee asked.

"Skipper, I told you before, most couples, including Carolyn and me, take months to plan a wedding. You did it in a couple of weeks. It's over and you need to start planning the rest of your lives." He turned to face Nelson. "Admiral, Carolyn and I would like to invite you and Lee to dinner very soon. I'll call you to set a date and time."

"Thank you, Chip," the Admiral replied. "I know how anxious you must be to see your lovely wife, so I'd like to relieve you of duty once we dock."

"Admiral, that isn't necessary, you and the Captain...."

"The Captain and I have a lot to thank you for and I have a better understanding of certain things than I did a month ago. Lee and I will handle all the necessary details at the Institute before I check Lee into his hotel. With his new responsibilities, it's time he started to earn his keep." The Admiral turned to Lee, "Ready, Captain?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then, gentlemen," the Admiral said, "let's take *Seaview* home."

****** The End *******