Title: Why Was The Captain Late? (2 possible explanations)

Author: Carol

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; no infringement intended.

Notes: In the episode THE WAXMEN, the Gorgeous Captain was supposed to report at 18 00 hours to the SEAVIEW, but because he didn't his gorgeous body was not substituted for a wax figure. This enabled him to lead the fight against the waxmen and the clown.

These ficlets follow that episode and attempt to answer the question, 'Why was the Captain late?'

I leave it up to you as to which one you believe.

Why Was The Captain Late? (2 possible explanations)
by Carol

Explanation 1:

Admiral Harriman Nelson and his Captain stood in the conning tower, watching the crew members depart on shore leave. The clown was dead and the waxmen were puddles of wax. Their trip back to Santa Barbara had been uneventful.

Just as Nelson turned to descend into the ship, he stopped as if he had just recalled something. "Uh Lee, I'll see you tomorrow with your report on this mission. I'm going to be tied up the rest of today, trying to discover how security was breached by the clown."

"Aye, aye sir," Crane acknowledged, breathing a sigh of relief. His relief was short-lived however, when the Admiral asked the very question, Crane had hoped he wouldn't ask.

"Lee, I know it was our good fortune that you didn't board the SEAVIEW on schedule before our last mission - otherwise you would have been taken over as well, but why were you so late? It wasn't like you at all."

Crane took a deep breath. "Well, sir; I'm not too pleased with myself about that. I'm really sorry, but you remember the other night when we had dinner together?"

Nelson nodded, but said nothing.

Crane continued, "Well, Edith brought along that Mystery Pecan Pie - you remember how delicious it was?"

Once again, Nelson nodded but said nothing.

"Well, I knew that the mission would take several days so I was sitting there, trying to decide what to do about the remainder of it - well, I decided to eat it. It was so delicious that I kept eating and eating . . . and the time got away from me. Sorry, sir."

Nelson stood stunned. What could he say? He knew his Captain loved Mystery Pecan Pie, and it was Edith's fault bringing the confection for dinner just a day ahead of sailing, but . . .

"Well Lee, we'll forget it this time, but don't let it happen again. ***I'll have to remember to tell Edith not to do that again.***

As the Admiral departed, Crane breathed a sigh of relief and descended into the Control Room of the great sub.


Explanation 2:


As Crane descended into the Control Room, he saw Chip Morton looking out the herculite windows. No one else was in the area since the entire crew had departed and the security crew had not yet boarded.

"Well, Mr. Morton, is everything ready for the maintenance crew?"

"Yes sir, they should be boarding in a few minutes."

"Great, I'm anxious to get home."

"Oh?"

"Chip, I need to talk to you."

"Yes sir."

"The Admiral just asked me why I was late at the beginning of the last mission."

A look of apprehension came over the handsome blond's face. "What . . .what did you tell him?"

Crane gave him a strange look. "Well, I couldn't very well tell him that we made such a mess of the apartment from a food fight that I had to stay behind and clean it up!"

"Yeah, I can understand that. Besides, it wasn't a real food fight; I prefer to call it, innovative methods of using food."

"Chip, smashing Mystery Pecan Pie into my face is not innovative!"

"Well, okay, I'll give you that, but I thought the jello put in your ear was pretty good. I loved licking it out. And that chocolate in your navel - WOW!"

"Mr. Morton, enough - let's not get started again. I had to take three showers to finally get clean. That whipped cream was really the worst. You are one sick puppy, Mister!"

"Oh come on, Lee - you know you loved me putting it . . .there. I did my best to lick it out, but well. . ."

"Then I had to clean up the apartment besides. What a mess. Those pizza fixings were not easy to get out of the carpet, the sofa, or the . . . bed."

"Now Lee, you know I volunteered to stay and help you."

"Oh sure you did. Mr.-The-Admiral's-Expecting-Me Morton. You get to the boat and pretend you don't know why I'm late. It served you right that you were turned into wax. You are a real stiff sometimes."

"Well, you don't have to worry about these things because you're Mr. Favorite around here, but I don't dare do anything like be late. And, besides that, I wasn't turned into wax - it was another figure. And, I am not stiff!" Then looking down at his groin area, Morton added, "Well, not all the time anyway."

Crane grinned his million dollar smile. "Well, let's get going. I didn't have time to check to make sure everything is in place. It would be just my luck that somebody would stop by and there would still be something lying around."

"What do you mean, lying around? Didn't you get all the food cleaned up?"

"Mr. Morton, I didn't necessarily mean food. Just as I was leaving - this is what really made me late - I noticed your briefs, hanging over the ceiling fan. I had to rescue them before I could leave and that wasn't too easy because they were caught in the mechanism."

"Oh!"

"Now, Mr. Morton, I think that you owe me dinner."

"Okay, I'll make you Morton's Famous Spaghetti. Come on."

The two men turned over command to the maintenance crew and began to leave the ship. Morton suddenly stopped as they were descending the ramp. "Oh, I just remembered, I can't fix you spaghetti."

"Why not?"

"Well, we . . . we sort of used up the olive oil when you visited my apartment. You remember when we . . . shall we say experimented with food the last time?"

Crane got a grimace on his face then heaved a sigh. "Okay, let's go to Luigi's - you're buying."

"Good idea, then you can come to my apartment. I've got some cucumbers in the frig that we might find an interesting use for."

Crane grinned at his friend. "Well, at least you didn't suggest bananas like that last 'Food Fight' we had."

"Captain! Do you really think that I would suggest such an undignified thing?"

Crane gave his friend a look of total incredulity - Mr. Morton, as I said before - you are one sick puppy - now let's get to Luigi's and remember they don't allow food fights."

The blond caressed his friend quickly, "Yeah, what a dull place!"

The two departed to an evening of new discoveries.


THE END - Have you decided which one you believe?