First Date 3: Sing, Waller

Date: January 17, 2002

Pairing: Sk/JD

Rating: R

Series/Sequel: This one falls into my First Date universe (Sk/JD) but can stand alone, I think. The only thing you really need to know is that Lainie is the Rottweiler Skinner gave to JD for Christmas.

Spoilers: Takes place during Season 9

Disclaimer: Not my characters, no money made.

Summary: Walter agrees to watch William for a weekend - John is not happy, but does manage to find some amusement in the show

Notes: Written for Pollyanna's seventh XF Lyric Wheel. I don't do kids. Especially William. But, given the lyrics Josan sent me, I really had no other choice... Blame it on her. I do.

Beta: Teri, of course

First Date 3: Sing, Waller
by Jennie

I'm beat. Two weeks spent in rural Ohio is not my idea of a good time. Add to that the horrific nature of the crime Monica and I are working on, not to mention the fact that she keeps insisting that she *feels* the presence of "evil" in the community and I'm... Dammit, we're dealing with a straight forward serial killer, not a demon, or a ghost, or any of the other equally improbable scenarios she's come up with for this one.

The woman is driving me crazy. Sometimes I think she's Mulder in drag.

As the perp's pattern is pretty well established at this point, and he's not due to strike again until the next full moon (two weeks from today), we flipped a coin for the weekend off. Of course, once I'd won (trick coin) I called Walter and let him know I'd be in for a weekend of wild and uninhibited sex.

He seemed thrilled at the news. In his reserved AD/Marine kind of way. Said Lainie would be glad to see me. Told me how much she'd missed me (I have to sit him down and have a serious discussion on the dangers of anthropomorphizing one's pets). Allowed as how he'd have dinner waiting when I arrived late Friday night. Actually said he was looking forward to it. Never once questioned me about the advisability of leaving Monica here alone.

From Walt this is a *major* declaration of love.

So, as I pull up to the house and eagerly head inside, I'm looking forward to a wonderfully prepared meal, a few drinks and then some mind-blowing sex.

Shoulda known.

I walk in the back door and freeze. Silently, I gape at the disaster before me. Cereal all over the table and floor. Puddles of milk hither and yon. And... holy shit! What the *fuck* is going on here? I see jars of baby food. Baby bottles. Bibs. A high chair.

This can, in no way, be good.

Stepping carefully around the messes on the floor, I make my way to the door that leads into the living room. And, thee-rrre's Walter. Sound asleep on the couch.

Best of all, William Scully is draped across his chest, sleeping with that fierce concentration only a child can muster.

I'm fucked. Well, okay, more to the point, I *won't* be fucked. Not tonight, anyway.

Crossing the room is eerily reminiscent of crossing a field of land mines. William's toys cover an amazingly large portion of the floor. The vast number of playthings tells me that the kid is here for at least a couple of days.

I think Walter's lost his ever lovin' mind. Doesn't he *know*...

No, I guess he doesn't. He and Sharon never had kids and his siblings live far enough away that Walt has never had the opportunity to see first hand just how much attention an eighteen-month old child requires.

Well, he's about to find out. All on his own, too. If he's gonna ruin my weekend by having a toddler in the house, he'll damn well provide me with some entertainment.

To that end, I lean down and nudge his shoulder. With a little more force than is strictly necessary, yeah. Can you blame me?

A snort. A sigh. A groan. And... there we go, his eyes open and stare up at me with an adorably befuddled expression. "John?"

I shrug. "Who else?"

"I... I guess I fell asleep. I was a little tired," he admits - as if I couldn't have figured that one out myself. "William kept me running all evening."

//I'll just *bet* he did//

I raise one eyebrow. "Speaking of William... "

"Oh. Yeah. Well, Scully had to go out of town unexpectedly and she called me and asked if we could watch him this weekend."

"And you just couldn't say no?"

He offers me a weak smile. "Her mother's away and there really wasn't anyone else..."

"Tell me, Walt, exactly how much time have you spent around toddlers?"

He speaks in a low voice, adroitly evading my stare, "Er... none, really. But I thought that you might be willing to help me out."

"You did, did you?" I smile affably as I shake my head. "Not a chance in hell, Walt. You said yes to this - you take care of him."

With a crestfallen look, he sits up, carefully bringing William's limp body with him. "Okay, John. I'll uh, just muddle my way through this on my own."

Ha! It won't work, big guy. No way. I've been manipulated by the best - compared to my ex, you, sir, are a rank amateur.

"You'll be just fine, Walt," I say heartily. "Now, I'm hungry so you take the rugrat up to bed and I'll heat up my dinner."

"Er-"

"Don't tell me, in all the confusion, you forgot to make that dinner you promised me."

"Well, it's just been so hectic since Scully dropped William off. It kind of... slipped my mind."

"No problem, Walt. I'll just rummage around in the cupboards. I'm sure we have something."

By the time Walt returns to the kitchen, I'm happily devouring a bowl of cereal. Simple, fast, and best of all, only one dish to clean up. He pauses in the doorway, an expression of guilt clear on his face.

"John, I..."

"Walt. Don't worry about it. This is fine. Just let me finish it and we can head up to bed."

"I'm gonna hop in the shower while you eat."

"Great." I wave my spoon at him for emphasis. "Go ahead. I'll be right up.

" * * * * * * *

Ahhhh. *This* is what I've been needing. His touch. His kisses. His warm breath caressing various parts of my body. His tongue. Yeah. His tongue. *Right* there.

"Fuu-uuck," I moan, arching up into the wonderful wetness of his mouth. God! What this man can do with his mouth is un-fucking-believable. I'm close, so fucking close... My hands tighten around his bald head and I'm just about to shoot when-

"Waller! WALLER!"

"What the *fuck*?"

"That's William. Scully said he doesn't sleep much."

Well, isn't that great? Wonderful. Peachy keen, even. She's stuck us with an insomniac kid.

I groan and roll onto my side. "You'd better go see what he wants."

"She said that sometimes he goes back to sleep on his own."

*Thud*

*Scrabble*

*Pat, pat, pat, pat*

The door to our bedroom is thrown open, revealing one decidedly pouty William Scully. "Wanna sleep *here*, Waller." He stamps one foot for emphasis.

"But, William, you have your own bed. Mommy said you *liked* your bed."

No. He's never been around toddlers or he'd know that the obstinate tone of voice and the foot stamping have sealed his - our - fate.

"NO! Sleep here - with Waller and JohnDog."

"But... "

I elbow Walt in the ribs. "Walt, just go along with it. You don't stand a chance here, lover." I look over at William and note the way he's shifting restlessly from one foot to the other. "William, if you're going to sleep here, you have to go potty first." Damned if I'm gonna wake up in a urine soaked bed.

The kids lower lip juts out. If I'd ever had any doubts before, I am now *sure* that this is Mulder's kid. Who knew that pouts were genetically linked?

"Waller, you come with me."

"Yeah, *Waller*, escort our guest to the bathrooom."

With a put upon sigh, Walt climbs out of the bed and walks over to William. "C'mon, then. Let's go."

William, however, is staring at Walt's half-hard cock with intense concentration. "Your pee-pee," he announces, "Is bigger than mine. And it's hairy."

I'm in serious danger of falling off of the bed I'm laughing so hard. The expression on Walt's face is just priceless. And, if the lights were on, I *know* I would see the vivid blush William's words have evoked in Mr-Calm-Always-In-Control AD Skinner.

The entertainment value alone almost makes up for the fact that sex is definitely not going to be on the agenda this weekend. Almost.

"Is JohnDog's pee-pee like that too?"

Skinner clears his throat. "Ah, yeah. It is. And so will yours be when you grow up."

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, William allows himself to be taken to the bathroom. When they return, I'm just about asleep. I grunt and move over making room for our guest. Once we're all settled, I can't help but remember another boy, in years past, making the same demand. Asking the same question.

And many other, equally uncomfortable, questions.

For once, the memories don't sadden me. All I can do is grin, looking forward to watching Walter deal with this.

* * * * * * *

Many years of experience tell me that the sounds I'm hearing bode ill for our kitchen. Oh well. I'll enjoy watching Walt clean up the mess his charge is undoubtedly creating.

"Walter."

He grunts.

"*Walter*!"

He snuffles disgruntedly and pulls the comforter over his head.

"WALTER!"

"Huh?" he fumbles the covers away from his face and glares at me. "Why the fuck-"

A loud crash from the kitchen stops his words cold. I watch, with no small amount of amusement, as realization dawns. With a pained groan, he runs both hands over his face and rubs at his eyes.

"I need coffee," he states.

"Well, I'd suggest that you go out to the kitchen, get that kid under control and put a pot of coffee on while you clean up the mess he's in the process of making."

He tries the sad, puppy-dog eyes on me.

"No way, lover. I'm tired. *You* go out and take care of *your* charge. I'm gonna sleep a little more."

"But-"

"Forget it, Walt." I wave one hand in a dismissive gesture. "Go on, take care of William. I'll be up in a little bit."

Mumbling under his breath, he pulls on a pair of sweats and heads out to corral William.

"Close the door, would you?" I murmur as he leaves the room.

I can't help but snicker at the rather forceful way he pulls the door shut behind him.

* * * * * * *

Reluctantly, I struggle to wake. I don't really want to, but can't resist the urge to go out and see what's going on. I can hear squeals of high-pitched laughter and I'm kinda looking forward to finding out what mischief William is up to now.

Surprisingly, Walt has somehow managed to find a video tape that seems to amuse William no end. The kid is sitting right in front of the television, entranced by the Sesame Street song tape Walt has playing. As I wander down the stairs in search of coffee, his eyes rise to meet mine.

//You see?// His eyes say triumphantly. //I *can* do this//

Uh huh.

"Coffee," I croak.

"Help yourself, John. The pot in the kitchen is fresh."

I stumble in and manage to pour myself a cup of steaming liquid without any spills. Not an easy feat in my sleep-dazed state. Coffee in hand, I walk back to join Walt and William.

"Waller, *you* sing."

My eyes widen. Choking on the mouthful of hot beverage I am doing my damnedest to swallow when I hear this statement, I fall into the nearest chair.

Poor Walt. After facing innumerable life threatening situations, dealing with the morass of governmental bureaucracy, keeping control of any number of recalcitrant Agents under his command, he's finding that one toddler is more trouble than anything he's ever dealt with before.

"William," he says reasonably, "I don't sing."

An emphatic nod of William's head. "Yes you do, Waller. Mommy *said* so."

Skinner's jaw clenches. Somehow, I suspect that Scully will pay dearly for that.

William grabs the remote and rewinds the tape to the beginning of the song he apparently feels is the perfect vehicle for Walter's voice. "There," he says. "You sing this song, Waller."

Pleading brown eyes fix on me.

Uh uh. Not a chance, Walter.

Impatiently, William pauses the tape. "Waller, you SING."

Defeated by the pouty lip William directs at him, Skinner sighs heavily. "Fine, William. I'll... sing." Using his best AD glare, Walt warns me, "If I hear even *one* snicker out of you, John Doggett... "

It ain't easy, but I manage to conceal my unholy glee at seeing this powerful man brought to his knees by a toddler. Biting the inside of my cheek, I get through it with only one coughing fit.

When the tape finally runs its course, Walter rises from the couch and stretches. "Play for a while, okay, William. I have to clean up the kitchen."

//I'll say you do!//

The lower lip makes another appearance. "No. I wanna take Lainie walking."

Walt sighs. "As soon as I'm done in the kitchen."

"No. *Now*."

Shoulder's slumped, Walt sighs. "Fine, William. We'll walk now. But, when we get back, I have to clean."

Happy that he's gotten his way, William throws himself at Skinner's legs, wrapping both arms tightly around Walt's knees. "Thank you, Waller. I love you."

This kid is *good*.

Awkwardly withdrawing from William's enthusiastic reaction, Walt pats him on the head. "C'mon, we need our coats and shoes."

It takes a bit of work - William seems to find that not helping with the task of shoving his feet into the boots Scully brought over makes things all the more entertaining - but, finally, both of them are dressed, Lainie is collared and leashed and ready to go.

As they head out the front door, I hear William demanding to hold Lainie's leash himself. I peer out of the window and, sure enough, by the time they've reached the sidewalk, William has managed to convince Walt that a three foot tall, thirty eight pounder can control a dog of Lainie's size.

I hope all three return in one piece.

* * * * * * *"

William, you have to eat."

The kid shoots an assessing look at Walter. Crosses his chubby arms across his chest and shakes his head forcefully. "You *sing* first."

* * * * * * *

And so it goes. Watching William wrap Walter around his little finger is more amusing than I can relate. I can almost forgive the idiot for actually agreeing to take William on this weekend.

Bath time is especially fun. That kid *loves* the water. Seems to assume that Walt feels the same way as he invariably manages to get the older man soaked every single time they brave the bathtub.

I don't need to tell you that William sleeps with us again on Saturday night, do I?

He also wakes up from his nap just as I'm starting to ease my aching cock into Walt's body. "WALLER!" he yells from his room. With a groan, Walt dons his sweats and leaves our bedroom. I'd be angry in addition to frustrated if I wasn't finding the whole thing so very amusing.

Then he figures out how to get the safety gate open and proceeds to make an unholy mess in the basement while Walt is 'resting his eyes' during halftime of the ball game he's trying to watch.

And, best of all, William continues to make Walt sing at every opportunity. The kid's a genius at manipulating 'Waller'.

Why 'Waller'? Why 'JohnDog'? Yeah, the kid's language skills are pretty amazing. And so, apparently, is his ability to judge exactly how much he can get away with. I strongly suspect that he's doing this on purpose. Every time Walt flinches at being called 'Waller' this self-satisfied expression comes over the kids face.

He really does take after his old man, the little shit.

* * * * * * *

Finally, not a moment too soon, Scully repossesses her son. Once they're on their way, Walt collapses onto the sofa. "Jesus, John, I never imagined that one little kid could create such havoc."

"So," I can't help gloating, "you'll think twice before taking in any more toddlers?"

"Fuck you, John."

But, even as he says this, his eyelids have drooped to half mast and he's smothering a yawn. "'m tired and hungry," he mumbles.

Deciding to take pity on him, I leave him in peace and busy myself making dinner. When it's done, I gently wake him and sit with him on the couch, watching a rerun of Stargate while we eat.

The show ends, I clean up the mess from dinner, then head back into the living room. "Bedtime, Walt."

He grunts and holds out one hand in a request for assistance. I haul him upstairs and shove him into the bathroom for a shower. While he's accomplishing that, I repack my luggage. No sense in not taking advantage of this opportunity to replace the two suits that I've been wearing for the last two weeks.

The water shuts off, and after a moment, Walt walks in. Sees my suitcase and sighs heavily. "When do you leave?"

"Six A.M."

"Oh shit."

Got it in one, big guy.

"Listen, I'm gonna go shower, too. You wait for me, you hear?"

He grins. "You can count on it."

I rush through my shower, giving my body a cursory wash. Once dry (well, mostly dry) I eagerly walk back into the bedroom. One night, I've decided, is better than none. And, I *did* manage to get my mind off of the case. The Waller-n-William show has been damned entertaining.

He's kept his word. Stretched out on the mattress, he's watching my entry with no effort to conceal his appreciation of my body, or his desire for me.

I cross the room and crawl up the length of his body teasingly brushing against him softly along the way. Impatient, he wraps both arms and legs around me and pulls me down atop him.

"I've missed you," he admits softly.

"Been here all weekend," I remind him.

He blushes. "I'm, uh, sorry about that John. I just couldn't-"

"-turn her down," I say, finishing his sentence.

If possible, his blush intensifies.

I laugh. "Walter, this is *our* home. Dana is *our* friend. You don't need to apologize. Let's just," I shift my hips, bringing our matching erections into contact, "make love. I need you, Walt. Need something to take back with me into that hellish case."

A grin appears on his mouth, and a delightfully evil twinkle lurks in the depths of his brown eyes. I'm just about to achieve liplock when the fucking phone rings.

"Doggett," I bark into the damned thing.

"John... "

I know that voice. Even more frightening, I recognize the insistent voice in the background...

"Waller sing, Mommy. Want Waller to SING!"

"William wants... er, he won't go to bed until he hears-"

"- Waller sing," I sigh. "I know."

Resigned, I hand the phone to Walt. "You're fanclub is on the phone, *Waller*"

He groans, but takes the phone. "Dana? Put him on the line."

I shift to one side, pulling the blankets up to my shoulders and prepare to sleep.

I drift off to the sound of Walter's husky baritone singing...

Rubber Ducky, you're the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you
Woo woo be doo.

Rubber Ducky, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise!
Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo.

Every day when I
Make my to the tubby I find a little fella who's
Cute and yellow and chubby
Rub-a-dub-a-dubby!

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.
Every day when I
Make my to the tubby
I find a little fella who's
Cute and yellow and chubby
Rub-a-dub-a-dubby!
Rub-a-dub-a-dubby!

Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of...
Rubber ducky, I'd like a whole pond of...
Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of...
Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of...
Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you!
Doo doo, be doo.

end