HOPE 1 (Can't Regret)

By Jennie

Disclaimer: Not mine - more's the pity. *sigh*

Pairing: Mulder/Krycek and Mulder/Skinner implied - Skinner/Krycek later

Rating: P - PG so far

Archive: Yeahsureyoubetcha

Spoilers: Post series. No spoilers, per say - and, as always I'm deep in denial! Krycek is NOT dead. NONONONONO!!!

Notes: A shameless PWP, which has now become a series. Written for the Lyric Wheel –

Endings round. For Jose, Peach and Urs.

Website: Jennie's Place

Summary: Eh... well... AU, I guess. Somehow, Skinner and Krycek find their way into a relationship. Thanks to Mulder. <g>

Beta: ... the incomparable Josan.

HOPE 1 (Can't Regret)

By Jennie

It was inevitable. I knew that from the very beginning. Still, that knowledge never could completely kill that kernel of hope that lay deep within some hidden recess of my heart.

As my old friend Will Shakespeare once said, 'tis better to have loved and lost...

Sometimes I take comfort in those words. In the darkest hours of night, though, I hate the sanctimonious bastard for writing them.

Odd as my relationship with Mulder was - and I'll be the first to admit that no promises were spoken on either side, no admissions of, dare I say it, love - it *was* good. Better that good. Mind blowing. Although our intimate encounters were few and far between, there was a frantic need, a perfect quality, that flavored each coming together of our desire for each other.

It was always love on my side. And maybe, just maybe, if I'd ever given him the words we might...

Shit!

I never gave up on my silly dreams, you know. Right up until the day he and Scully exchanged vows. Joined in matrimony. A part of my soul died that day. Despite his much-vaunted lack of trust in anyone except her, despite the many reasons I'd given him to *not* trust me, I couldn't quite give up hope. I kept imagining him realizing - finally - that I'd only done what I'd done for love of him.

Saddest of all, my hope still, after all these years, hasn't completely died. Through it all, William's maturing into young manhood, the births of their other three children, the strengthening of their marriage, I continued to dream. Oh, as the years passed, I thought of him less frequently. Then, a line on a television show, an article in the paper of some case that would have excited the interest of the Mulder of old, would bring it all back. A good bottle of booze, a few nights of insomnia, would help to quash that hope.

But, it hurt. It hurt badly.

I'd retired from the game years ago. Moved to the other side of the fucking country in the vain hope that distance would help.

It didn't.

They say that time heals all wounds. *They* are full of shit!

I won't forget, can't forget.

And never, never, will I regret what I did for love.

What I Did for Love

Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban

Kiss today goodbye,

The sweetness and the sorrow.

Wish me luck, the same to you.

But I can't regret

What I did for love

What I did for love

Look, my eyes are dry.

The gift was ours to borrow.

It's as if we always knew,

And I won't forget what I did for love,

What I did for love

Gone,

Love is never gone.

As we travel on,

Love's what we'll remember.

Kiss today goodbye,

And point me toward tomorrow.

We did what we had to do.

Won't forget, can't regret

What I did for love

What I did for love

What I did for love

Love is never gone

As we travel on,

Love's what we'll remember.

Kiss today goodbye,

And point me toward tomorrow.

We did what we had to do.

Won't forget, can't regret

What I did for love

What I did for love

What I did for love