The Eleventh Impossible Thing

by Logan

The Eleventh Impossible Thing
by Logan

Pink as far as the eye could see.

Pink up and down, pink side to side, nauseating, Pepto-Bismol pink.

Pink cages containing thousands and thousands of unseeing eyes, each face frozen into a rictus.

Alex Krycek felt those eyes on him, raking over his flesh, silently pleading for help, begging for mercy.

He had none.

He stalked up the Barbie aisle of Toys R Us again, frustration etched into his features. Malibu Barbie, Sticker Fun Barbie, Manicurist Barbie... who could decide? And to make it worse, it wasn't just Barbie. Skipper, Midge, Theresa, Stacy.... It made his head spin.

He sighed and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He should just send her a savings bond like he did every year. He had been crazy to let his sister talk him into coming to his niece's 7th birthday party. Natalie was seven, and didn't even know who "Uncle Alex" was, other than a name on a birthday card.

He glared at a Pretty in Pink Barbie. He would not let a doll get the best of him. He would find the right doll, and make his niece happy, and be a hero in someone's eyes, at least for the amount of time it took for her to open the next birthday gift.

He snatched up an African American Beach Date Ken. "Stop fucking smiling at me!" He snarled.

Ken; saintly, serene, blissfully unaware that he was not anatomically correct, continued to smile.

"That doll looks just like Levar Burton."

Before the voice registered, before his spidey-sense had a chance to tingle, he whipped around and retorted, "Who the fuck is Levar Burton?"

Fox Mulder smiled at him. "Levar Burton, the actor who played Geordi LaForge on Star Trek The Next Generation. Or maybe you've seen his award winning performance on Reading Rainbow, when you're not busy betraying me, selling out the human race, or shopping for Barbies." Mulder stopped smiling. "What the hell are you doing here, Krycek? Did you follow me here?"

Krycek glared at Mulder, zeroed in on the large blue stuffed bear in his hand. "I never pegged you for a plushy, Mulder. I knew you looked like a kinky bastard, but this is a bit extreme even for you."

Mulder, for once in his life, was speechless. His face turned red and his grip tightened on the neck of the bear. "I ought to shove this fucking thing in your lying mouth and choke you with it. It's a gift for Skinner's secretary, she adopted a baby. Why the hell am I even telling you this? What are you doing here?"

He felt Beach Date Ken's pink cardboard box crumpling in his grip. "I'm buying a birthday gift for a relative. Why don't you let me finish before you arrest me, or were you planning to beat the crap out of me again? Right here in front of all the kids, Mulder?"

"You have relatives? I though you were hatched, Krycek, like all the other cold-blooded reptiles."

Krycek snorted, then turned his back to Mulder, facing the shelf again. "I'm in the frigging Twilight Zone. Go away, Mulder." He looked over his shoulder, flicking his eyes at Mulder. "Take your date home and leave me the hell alone. I didn't kill your father, I don't have the damned tape, and I'm just trying to not get my ass killed. Strangely enough, being in your presence seem to immediately precede bodily harm on my part."

Mulder reach past him and yanked a Curl-N-Style Barbie off of the shelf and pushed it into Alex's hands, then grabbed his shoulder and started to pull him down the aisle. "Here's your damned doll. Relatives," he scoffed. "Yeah, right. You're probably going to build a bomb with it."

And so Alex stood in line, clutching the Barbie, with Mulder standing next to him, absently fondling the ear of his teddy bear. Alex paid cash, careful to shield his wallet from Mulder's observant eyes. He didn't want Mulder to see the name on his current driver's license.

For some reason that he dared not examine, he stood at the end of the counter and waited for Mulder to complete his purchase, instead of dashing for the front door. There was an awkward moment when they stood, facing one another, at the end of the counter. The standoff ended by some silent, mutual consent, then they turned in concert and walked out the door, Jeffery the giraffe smiling beatifically down upon them.

Alex was prepared to exist stage left at the front doors, but Mulder grabbed his arm and spun him around, until they were facing one another, their faces only a few inches apart. Alex braced himself for the blow.

It never came.

"You're a human being," Mulder said softly, his voiced gilded with wonder. "You have feelings. Somewhere in this world is a little girl that you wanted to make happy." He smiled softly. "Maybe there's hope for you yet, Krycek."

The kiss was sweet and swift and entirely unexpected. Alex stood there, stunned, as Fox Mulder walked off into the blustery January night, his coat billowing around him, caught on the wind.

Things like this simply did not happen to him. Mulder just didn't do this to him. Alex was in control of this twisted symbiosis, not Mulder. Alex was the Louisville slugger, not the ball that got smashed over the wall in left field.

Fox Mulder had smiled at him, shopped for toys with him, kissed him and then left him without so much as a half-hearted slap. Surreal didn't even touch it.

He shrugged, smiling stupidly, and looked up at the garish smiling giraffe looming over the entrance.

"Everything can change in the blink of an eye, Jeff." He said to the giraffe, then laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Light, effervescent laughter that bubbled up from his chest that left him feeling like he'd stepped through the looking glass and a white rabbit would go running past at any moment.

Who needed ten impossible things before breakfast when you had Fox Mulder in your life?


END