Consequences Of Holding Back

Author: Ami

Archiving: Yes to Peja

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Logan decides to stop holding back...and the consequences are better than he ever could have dreamed.

Author's Notes: Betad by K. Marie and Patricia. Also by very first X-Men fic.

Consequences Of Holding Back
by Ami

Wolverine paced back and forth in his bedroom. Back and forth. Back and forth. Marie had almost died on this last mission. She'd made it to the Blackbird in the nick of time, but it was too damn close. It was the last straw. He couldn't stay away from her anymore. Yeah, she was young, only nineteen, but she was an adult, and he didn't care about the rules anymore. Hell, he'd broken them plenty of times.

The valid reasons for wanting to go to Marie were just that, valid. His heart was pounding, his mind was twisting. He smiled, thinking about how she still wore his dogtags even though he'd come back for good over two years ago. The way she touched him all the time, now that she could control her mutation. The way she said his name. The smoothness of her skin and the perfection that he needed to touch and be touched by.

He let out a deep breath as he unbuttoned his shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed and took off his boots slowly. He tossed them to the side of the room and wondered if Marie would turn him away...or let him love her. He thought he'd seen a look in her eyes after the mission, as if she wanted him too. Now was the time to find out if he was right.

"The worst she can do is say 'No thanks', right?" he asked himself as he stood up and ran his hands through his messy hair. "Nothing to lose, bub, nothing to lose. Except a little self-respect, that is." He grimaced, then shrugged. "Humility is good for the soul," he told himself as he walked out of his room. He was going to stop holding back, and accept the consequences...even if she broke his heart. He walked down the hall to Marie's door and knocked lightly.

He waited for a response but didn't get one. He knocked again and wondered if she was already asleep. Nothing. A renewed nervousness made him frown when he knocked again and again got nothing. He put his hand on the doorknob and pushed the door in.

"Marie?" he whispered to the vacant room. The room was empty. His eyes darted to the open and dark bathroom. He stepped inside. "Marie!" he said a little louder.

Nothing.

He thought maybe she'd gotten up for a midnight snack, so he made his way down the stairs to look for her. He turned the corner around them into the dining room. There he saw her and his heart rate began to speed up. Sitting alone, hunched over the dining room table with a pile of essays in front of her; Marie was grading papers. She was a student teacher now, still taking college courses in the afternoons, but teaching at the Academy in the mornings.

"Hey," he said softly as he walked towards her.

"Holy shit!" Rogue spun around and faced Logan, her hand on her chest. "You scared me, sugah." Her eyes traveled down the expanse of exposed chest behind the unbuttoned shirt. "What are you... What are you doing down here?"

"I was worried." He stepped next to her and closed the folder. He put it and her legal pad in the box and put the lid on it. "I went to your room and you were gone." He extended his hand to her and smiled when she clasped it.

"You went to my room?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He nodded and moved closer. "I wanted to talk to you, about us..."

"Oh, really?" Her eyes glittered.

"Uh, yeah."

"What about us, sugah?" Rogue got up from her chair and walked -- no, more like *stalked* towards Logan.

"I - I was just thinkin' that maybe there could be more between us..." Logan trailed off.

"You were, Logan?" Rogue purred, moving toward him.

"Uh, y-yeah," Logan stuttered.

Rogue gave Logan a Cheshire cat grin and looped her arms around his neck. He cradled her against him, loving the feel of her small body against his hard one. "Then why don't you show me what you were thinking of?" she whispered in his ear.

"Oh, yeah..." Logan grinned, scooped her up into his arms and carried her out of the dining room and up the stairs, kissing her lips on each step. He stopped in-between their two doors and paused. Backing himself up to his own door, he kicked it open and carried her inside where he kicked it shut.

Wolverine carried her to the bed and laid her down on top of the quilt she'd given him for his birthday last year. He stepped back and looked at her face. Her beautiful face, so full of adventure and wisdom, her clear, clear eyes and her full lips.

"Logan," she whispered and stretched out her hand to him.

He nodded and felt vastly, soaringly alive. With but a slight hesitation he crawled over her and lay down against her. The heat radiating from her was amazing. He tried to control his breathing and had to smile when he realized his breath was still coming out jagged.

"Uh..." He huffed out a nervous laugh, unable to come up with words to describe what he was feeling.

Marie laughed with him and Logan was pleasantly surprised to note that she was trembling. She licked her lips with the purpose of speaking, but like Wolverine, words couldn't quite make their way to the surface.

Wolverine leaned over her and felt the smooth skin of her shoulder on his bare chest. The urge to close his eyes was overridden by the urge to see her. The woman he hadn't admitted he'd loved until just a few days ago. The woman he met when she was just sixteen. The woman who made him see his life in a new way, with new meaning. The woman he had surrendered his heart to.

He tucked wayward tendrils of her silky hair behind her ear and traced a line down her jaw and over her full lips. Her lips parted and she kissed his fingertip as they passed by. She felt the ripples of nervousness quake through him; the nervousness of an intimate moment between two new lovers.

"Logan." She smiled and ran her hand through his hair.

"Marie." He smiled, letting out a husky half-laugh. His hand rested on her bare abdomen between the tank shirt and her shorts, his fingers playing with the fabric of her top. He kept his eyes on hers as his hand slid under the fabric. A small gasp from her told him everything was okay.

With tentative hands and the confidence he needed, he rolled her shirt up over her breasts. He rested his body next to her and traced a circle around the foundation of the fleshy mound of the breast closest to him. He watched in awe as her soft pale rose-colored nipple hardened as he moved his finger lightly across it. He did the same to the other breast.

He lowered his lips to her breast and took a nipple in his mouth and rolled it with his tongue. He watched the slight rise in her pelvis and murmured into her flesh. With his hand he massaged the fullness of her other breast and thought about perfection. The perfect feel, the perfect size and the perfect taste. He wasn't sure if he could smell the jasmine on her or if it was just burned in his memory.

Marie smiled into his hair while passion seared through her, scorching her. She ran her hands through his hair and down his face, turning it back towards her. The love in his eyes made her want to weep while the cruelty they'd seen made her heart ache for him. She parted her lips as a beacon; he came to her and crushed his mouth against hers, sliding his tongue inside.

Her arms made their way around him, her nails raking at his neck. With both hands she pushed the already unbuttoned shirt down his arms and off of him. She flung it to the floor with a light-hearted laugh as her breasts flattened under the weight of him and he shifted onto her.

The button of her shorts was being undone and she could do nothing but whimper in anticipation. She bucked her hips up into the denim of his jeans as she felt his warm hands slide inside her shorts.

He kept his gaze on her face as he rolled her shorts down; a small smile played on his lips when he felt her kick the shorts the rest of the way off. He ran his hand up her thigh to the thin fabric of her thong. Running his finger inside the elastic, he felt her hands on his belt. After a slight pause, he rolled over and let her undo his belt, then jeans. He felt as nervous a teenager making love for the first time as she pulled them off of him, then turned nervously to face him.

He touched her chin while his eyes traveled from the waistband of the thong, to the indentation of her waist, to the swell of her breasts before settling back on her face. He watched with alertness as she slipped the tank top off and tossed it behind her.

He marveled at how confident she looked in the pale moonlight from the open window as she lay beside him. She was still a virgin, he was sure, but she wasn't nervous at all. Any awkwardness about his boxers and immense erection vanished when she touched his chest, then kissed him. His eyes closed as he felt her lithe fingers dipping inside of the boxers and rolling them down.

When she took the hot heaviness of him in her hand, a moan escaped his lips before he had time to react. Their eyes locked as something transpired between. Something more than the want. Something real. Marie lowered her head to his and kissed him while her hand moved rhythmically up and down.

His eyes rolled back as he welcomed her tongue into his mouth. One hand clenched the quilt beside him while the other roamed her back, down to the thin band of the thong in back. With trepidation, he pulled the stretchy material over her ass until it hit the crook of her knees. His hand went back and kneaded the flesh of her ass.

His mouth quit moving against hers as all his thoughts went to the feel of her body, the silkiness of her skin.

Letting go of him, she maneuvered herself out of the thong completely. Pausing briefly to catch the light in his eyes, she shifted against him, his hand flattened between them.

Wolverine felt the wetness of her, his breathing becoming labored as he slid his fingers through her damp folds.

A small cry came from her, then a contented nuzzling against his chest. Her legs spread involuntarily as his finger plunged inside of her. He willed her to look at him.

Marie looked to him and moved her hips in rhythm to his hand. Their eyes met and their souls linked.

Rogue raised her body upwards, her breasts heavy in his face. He flicked his tongue over one nipple, then the other. She lowered her body onto his. His hand slipped out from in-between her legs as she felt his hardness take its place.

"Logan?" she whispered his name.

His eyebrows furrowed as he read her mind. "No." He shook his head

"I don't either." She smiled and laughed, collapsing on his chest. "I can't believe it!"

"I can." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Oh, Marie, stay here with me tonight."

She nodded at his statement. A feeling of odd satisfaction was still riding through her. In that moment, she realized that sometimes there was more to making love than the actual act itself.

She kissed his chest and bit playfully on his nipple. As much as she wanted him inside of her, the threat of pregnancy was enough of a deterrent. She wasn't ready to be a mother...maybe someday, though. Smiling as she felt his fingers pinching at her sensitive nipple, she looked up to his face.

"We'll, uh...have to correct this little problem. Soon, sugah," Rogue told him.

"I could go out to the gas station and buy... You're shaking your head at me." He smiled and pinched her nipple a little harder.

"You're not leaving here and neither am I." An unexpected gasp came out next. "Sometimes all a person needs is a little touch." She licked her lips and then lowered them back to his hardened nipple.

Wolverine smiled and pulled her against him tightly. He kissed the side of her head and smelled jasmine. The worries of the world were sleeping tonight. Tonight belonged to them and no one else.

The light from the moon shifted across the room as the two renewed and yet tired bodies clung to each other in a mastery of unmarked passion and a deep twist of finding love in an unexpected situation.

Before the sun was even a thought, Wolverine listened to her shallow breathing, her head resting on his chest. He touched her hair and smiled. "I'm falling in love with you," he whispered as his eyes closed.

Marie smiled before she slipped into a restful slumber. *I already fell,* she thought.

end