Title: Ewww,Gross!

Author:Mitsaso

E-mail:Mitsaso@in.gr or Mitsaso_X@hotmail.com

Archive:Just inform me if you want to archive it someplace else.I won't have any problem with that!

Disclaimer:I don't own any of the X-Men,they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.No profit is made of this story,so please hold back the urge to sue me.The Three-Headed Monkey belongs to LucasArts.On the other hand,Zazelle,Paula Dunn and Dave all belong to me.

Rating:NC-17.Naughty language.Sexual situations.Incredibly slutty character.Kinky situations,but nothing explicit.Vicious murder of an insect.Really gross fight scenes.Though I think it could still pass as a PG-13,I'm using NC-17 just in case.

Summary:The mutant prostitute strikes back.Sequel to "Lust and Cookies"

Feedback:Yes,please!There might be sequels,using those characters,so I have to know if this is worthwhile.See my e-mail above.

Warnings:Second story I ever write and sequel to "Lust and Cookies"

I really need your feedback to see if the time I spend in this is not a waste.So PLEASE SEND ME FEEDBACK!Yes,even you, the lurker ones.Even flames will do.Just use those precious minutes of your life to cheer up a fellow writer,you know how it feels...

Here goes the story!

( [] indicate telepathic conversation )


Ewww,Gross!
by Mitsaso

Bobby "Iceman" Drake sat on the rec room couch, zapping through the channels on the TV set of Shi'ar-tech proportions.He zapped through
crappy realitys, reruns of shows that must have been popular somewhere between the Fallout of the Roman Empire and the birth of Jesus Christ-oh, wait, or was it the other way?

Never mind. He wasn't in the mood to watch TV anyway. He just needed to focus his eyes on something as he was replaying in his mind the events that took place in the previous week.The biggest bank in Salem Centre was robbed,and the criminal appeared to be some sex-controlling mutant that liked to wear tight,kinky clothing that never justified the characterization "clothing".

On the other hand, spandex clothing was no far better either, but he'd rather not go there right now.

Anyway,the whole situation brought two more mutants in the mansion. One was Paula,a woman who worked in the bank until that day,but during the robbery she exposed her mutant identity and had to change enviroment,at least for a small amount of time.

As for her gift...she could create candy out of thin air.Crazy,but useful when you were too bored to walk to the kitchen and see if-IF- there was anything to raise your sugar.

Although he would die to see the day that Magneto would get a big chocolate cake thrown straight at the face.Chuckles escaped Bobby's mouth on the mental image created by the thought.

The other guest was a rather rude guy named Dave,and his general behaviour was not a surprise,considering that he was the forementioned kinky mutant's brother.He had a weird gift that made him look different in each person's eyes,but that had mostly to do with straight women and gay men,so it was none of his bussiness or his interest.

The Paula woman was eyeing Bobby from the first day she got there,and that not only that felt flattering to him,but he almost remembered the days he would woo every female creature getting in his eyesight.The signs showed she was totally into him,and he couldn't say he was uninterested too.It had been a long time after all.

Even the other X-Women had the weird look when mentioning Paula to him that almost said:"She's here-she's available-*Go get her now*"!

It felt like a huge conspiracy from all of them trying to fix him up with Paula.Normally,that would make him back out,just to show some independence,but he felt like he shouldn't miss that chance.After all,since the day she gave him a quick,sloppy kiss on the cheek...well,he could sense some feelings of fondness,even desire, growing for her.

It was weird,yes,but it felt like destiny to him.A voice in his head was telling him"That woman,young man,will have a very important role in your life.And I don't mean as a Twinkie supplier!"

He felt like he had no reason to question that voice.

So that was it.Today,he would ask her out.Somewhere that she wouldn't have to provide the desserts,preferably.

"But no-it's only a week I have been knowing her,and even the interest she showed seems a little forced,I can't ask her out yet!"

"Now,where have we been",he thought,as he stumbled upon a documentary about the reproduction of snails.

"Even the snails have more sex than you,Drake",a little naughty voice said inside his head.

"No-no-no!Why must you pester me like this all the time?",that voice was always coming back and forcing him to do something with Paula,ever since that innocent kiss of her,days ago.

"I won't pester you all the time,just until the moment you will ask her out!"

"Here we go again",Bobby thought back.Obviously,another debate with the sex-starved voice in his head was about to begin.

*********************

Logan was sitting in one of the chairs beside the mansion's lake.He viciously puffed on his cigar,trying to blow the smoke on a rather irritating fly that was buzzing above his head,destroying his otherwise perfect inner peace.

Yes that morning was almost perfect.The sun was stroking his bare upper torso(he only wore some loose jean pants and a cowboy hat),the birds were singing their best repertoir in order to attract females and not even a little,gentle splash could be heard by the lake,where Dave, the new-but-totally-useless-in-battle-guy was supposed to be bathing.

The fly was still annoying the hell out of him by flying close to his ears every time it made a circle above his head.

Logan took off his sunglasses(yes,he wore these too along with the other stuff)and had an inquiring look towards the lake.Yes,Dave was still there,but instead of swimming or something he was just lying on the surface,probably asleep.

Jeez,all that kid ever did was sleeping.First in the infirmary,where he spent some time nurturing his wounds from the bank incident,then again there,after some unfortunate accident with One-Eye,and later in his room or even in public,in front of everyone,he would fall asleep and no one would wake him up or get him to his room for further rest.It was the girls mostly,they said he looked very cute when sleeping,and Storm even threatened to fry Hank's ass with thunders if he dared carry him away or wake him up.

But then again,they thught he looked cute when eating,when burping,when swearing,when working out(the one and only time he went to training with the others),even when he couldn't stomach the roast beef and threw up in front of everyone's startled eyes,making a mess on himself and getting his eyes red and teary.

Poor roast beef was wasted,was all that Logan could think.

The fly was still doing circles above his head,proudly inhaling all the smoke Wolverine had provided for it.

"Damn insect!!"he gave it an evil look and total ignorance was all he received back.

*Snikt!*

Now the poor fly stood impaled in the middle claw of the notorious killer named Wolverine.

"Who's the bitch NOW???"he mocked at the soulless body of the innocent insect.He could swear that the fly left a little whimper before dying but he left the next inhaling of smoke wash away the guilts.The stupid thing wouldn't live more than a few days anyway.

Feeling perky after that refreshing kill,Logan looked again at the sleeping guy in the middle of the lake,and grinned.

He impaled on his claw one of the oranges that Jean had provided them as a healthy snack and threw it towards Dave.

The fruit splashed in the water right next to his left ear and Dave abruptly woke up,losing the balance on the water surface in the whole confusion,and getting his head underwater,gulping down a small amount of sweet water.

As he resurfaced,he exclaimed a little belated "Huh?",looked around in terror,and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

Except for Wolverine,who lied on his chair,obviously asleep.But he had such a grin on his face that Dave was sure Logan was having naughty dreams...

"Dammit,I never have sexy dreams anymore...unless anyone considers old women in lingerie sexy of course",he thought and started swimming towards the shore.

*******************************

Jubilee and Paula were both sitting on Jubilee's bed,both eating freshly baked cookies straight from Paula's mutant hands,as they watched "Daredevil" on the small TV that equipped Jubilee's room.

They seemed to be more concentrated on the cookies than the movie. Especially Paula,who should have been a little sick of seeing candy by now.

"Lame flick",was all that Jubilee could comment on the film's overall quality,and they were still halfway through watching it.

"Uh-uh."Paula kept munching on her crispy cookies,barely noticing Jubilee's comment at all.

"I mean,too bad the real Daredevil isn't a villain.I would have brought my justified wrath upon the writer and director if I were him."

"Uh-uh."

"Maybe Electra should do this instead,taking revenge on the guy responsible for the casting.I mean,Garner's good,but Electra had ebony hair and a cherry-red ninja costume,not that lame S/M costume.I would have killed everyone responsible for spoiling my image if I was in her shoes."

"Uh-uh."

"I would have expected a more articulate comment from you,Sweetheart.What do you think about this disaster of a film?"

"Kill them all.All responsible."Paula turned her attention back to her cookies.

"No,not all.Ben Affleck is a hottie.It would be a pity to lose him."

"He's a bloke.He should be flushed down the toilet first in row.Head first."

"But he's so cute!"

"The Bullseye guy is cuter."

"Colin Farell?Well,even in this bald-tatooed head version,he's kinda hot-"

"Duh!Bobby is much hotter."

"Ohh,that explains all this I-forgot-my-voice-back-at-Salem-Centre attitude."

"Uh-uh"

"You're in a bad mood 'cause Popsickle hasn't asked you out yet!"

"Kinda."

"Why are in such a hurry?I mean,you are here for what,a week maybe,and you have such a need to get yourself a man?Was everybody gay and/or married back at Salem Center?"

"I *want* him."

"Just wait a few more days.I mean,even stupid ole IceBrain will eventually see all the hints we're practically throwing on him and understand the opportunity that he has here!I'm sure he will soon ask you out..."

"I don't want to get out with him!I want to-"

"HEY!I'm not an adult yet,you know.You better cut the intricate details out,lady."

" 'kay."

"You're not brooding,are you?Because I have to tell you that brooding and angst is what attracts girls to guys and not vice-versa..."

"I'm not brooding!I just feel sorry for the poor couple over there! Look,they barely got to know each other and she had to die-and,that bastard Bullseye-"

"Hey,cut the crap.In real life,Electra came back from the dead,and avenged Bullseye,and now she lives-"

"Is she back together with Daredevil?"

"Not at the time."

"Sniff."Paula started brooding again.

"So,I see you like the film after all?"

"It's a story based on true facts,these stuff are always moving."

"And here I thought we would make healthy fun out of this crap movie-"

"Hey!"Paula protested before going back to sniffing.

****************************

Bobby raised his hands,surrendering to the little inner voice's pressure.

"I will ask her out!Now,leave me alone please!Just,go,shoo!"

"Are you sure you're not saying it just to get rid of me?I live in your head you know,and I will know if you ever fuck with me-"

"I'm convinced!Just leave!Please!I wanna sleep!Don't you want me to be all frash when I put my charms on asking your precious Paula out?"

"Now don't talk like you never wanted her-"

"I yield!I DO like her!I WILL ask her out-just GO!"

"Ciao baby",the little persistent voice said,the faded out.

"Nice.And now,to get prepared..."

"Yeah,'cause you will have a date to attend-"

"Weren't you supposed to be leaving?!"

"Oh,right.Sorry.Buenas Dias!"

"Stupid vo-hey,what the hell am I doing?Did I just spent the last hour having a quarrel with myself while watching some snail-porn in Discovery Channel?"

"Yup.You did."

"Will you GET the HELL out of here someday??"

"Whoops.Bye!"The voice finally faded out for real.

"Robert L. Drake,you HAVE to get over yourself",he finally spoke to himself without some twisted voice answering to him.

*********************

Wolverine woke up,finding himself lying on the chair beside the lake once more,only this time Dave was lying on the chair next to him.

This time,for once,he was not asleep.But he was reading something. That something was the Financial Times. Hey.That's weird. If the kid was telling the truth about where he came from,then he must have no fortune to invest,right? Then what's with the Financial paper? Logan got very suspicious.He thought that the closest call that Dave had to money were the ones his sister Zazelle got from the bank.That could explain him reading the Financial Times. It could also explain that Dave was in alliegance with his sister and this was a trap! That explained why until now the kid was no actual help to finding Zazelle! He was a traitor!

Logan,angered from the conclusion his trail of realisations led him,pulled out a claw and stabbed the newspaper.

"Hey!What was that for?",Dave screamed at Logan,but then stopped dead and started blushing.

Logan had a look at the paper. Aaah.he thought,this is far more jucier than what he first believed. The Financial Times was just a cover for the magazine hidden inside it,the one Dave was really reading.

The magazine named "Lesbian Bitchez XXX".

"Heey,never knew you fancied such stuff bub."Logan smirked at Dave,whose colour had by now changed to a pale yellow.

"It's not what you think,it's just-"

"You read those stuff for the articles?",Logan grinned.

"No-it's just-sentimental stuff."

"Huh?"he raised an eyebrow at the kid.

"See those two?",Dave told him as he grabbed the offending magazine and pointed at a photo.

Logan saw two cute girls hugging each other before going into more intimate and naughty acts.

"Nice gals.You know them?"

"Damn right I do.The one in the right is Francine,the other is Hannah.They're both my ex-girlfriends",he said with an angsty look in his face.

Wolverine's surprised eyes grew bigger."Damnation!Wanna talk about it?"

"Nah.It's okay now.They're both much happier than they would ever be with me."his eyes traveled down his own legs,to the ground.

"Well,let's talk about something else,then.Any news from your sister?"

"Look,I lied.I never got to have any steady clues about her whereabouts."

"No need to worry,bub.A girl like her won't stay on the background for long.Soon she will resurface and then you will be the one immune to her powers in here.You're not as useless as you felt you were."

"Hey,who said I felt useless-"

"Rogue couldn't stop talking about how cute you looked when you went all angsty on the roof."

"Shit"

"Yes,shit indeed.You need to get a grip,kid."

"Have I mentioned that I'm 22 years old,therefore an adult,so I don't like being called a kid?"

"Nope.Have I mentioned you that my healing factor makes *me* age really slow,so right now I'm much older than a century,therefore compared to me you're not just a kid,but a newborn?"

"Eh?Nope.Oh,whatever.Call me whatever you want...*old man*"the last two words were almost whispered from Dave.

"Watch it...*kid*."

They both burst into laughs.

*************************

Bobby knocked on Paula's door.The corridor seemed deserted,so it was the perfect time for asking her out whithout someone seeing him there,realising what he wanted to do,and started teasing him all over again.

"You may come in",a bored,faint voice was heard behind the reinforced door.

Bobby opened up.

He had a look at the back side of the door,seeing no posters on it.

"Oh,nice,she's rather mature...",he thought.

He walked further,examining the room.Paula hadn't decorated it yet,therefore there was not anything of her personal touch mirrored in the room's plain simple decoration.

Paula was playing some game in the PC.She hadn't noticed who walked in and neither did she have the curiosity to have at least a look.Must have thought it was Rogue.Or Jubes. Her head was almost into the screen,she seemed very into whatever she was playing.

Bobby managed to make out some colorful skeletons with mexican accent in the screen.

"Well,you were-Bobby!",Paula almost shrieked when she finally turned around and paid some interest to her visitor.She almost fell off her chair,that's for sure.

"Hey.Paula."He gave her a warm smile.At least her reaction seemed to reveal some very intense interest to him.

"Shit,I wasn't warned!I would have wore my Wonderbra!",she tought,agitated."Well,at least he came here.That must mean something".

"You seemed like you didn't expect me",was the rather risky and forward comment that came out of Bobby's mouth.

"I did.Just not now."She flashed him a shy smile.

"Well,I thought,that,maybe you -you *would*like to go out for dinner with me some day,wouldn't you?"

"Why,yes,of course...Is that a date?"

"Damn right it is",he grinned in his old,charming way.

"Great."she smiled back at him.Whoa,the tension could be cut by a knife in here.

"We could go somewhere nice,like,an Italian restaurant,where after dinner we could try out every single dessert so that you would get to know more recipes for candy to crate,you know...improve your powers."

"Good way to ask someone out.'Improve your powers.'"she thought to herself."What about tonight",she told him.

"You wanna go out tonight?",he said,a bit surprised that sweet Paula was taking priorities."Well,anything you want,sweetheart."

"You don't have to call me by my codename in cases like this."

"I never said it as a codename",he said,leaning closer to her.He then kissed her on the forehead quickly.Afterwards,he turned and walked to the door.

"I will come and pick you up at 8.00,how about that?",he said while going to the door.

The kiss on her forehead sent chills down Paula's spine,and that had nothing to do with Iceman's "cool" abilities.Her spine answered back with intense heat.Way too much heat.The desire for the man turning his back at her overtook her.

Bobby felt something close to that heat too.He stopped and started to turn around,but then Paula grabbed him by the collarneck and kissed him fiercely,like a cheetah finishing off its prey.

He couldn't fight it back.The kiss was so hard that he couldn't even reciprocate.He passively accepted her mouth dominating his.

But it felt gooood.

So he parted his lips a bit more to make the kiss deeper and more passionate.

He tried to mumble something about going too fast,but the palms cupping his butt cheeks and scratching them through the cloth fabric made him surrender.

"Who am I to say no?",he thought."Let alone that the irritating inner voice will pester me for ages if I dare chicken out on this".

Then Paula got off him(she had actually climbed on him,her feet around his waist),and stood on the floor.

"This is not right.Not like this.",she said,her head turning the other way,remorse on her eyes.Then she turned back at him,and a wicked gleam coloured her eye,almost making Bobby flinch.

"We need a bed for the proper action",she added,and pushed Bobby on her bed,his feet hanging off the edge.

Before a stupified Bobby even had the time to grin,she hopped on the bed too,and pinned him down.

**********************

Rogue neared the door to Paula's room,wanting to make sure if she was okay.Jubilee had told her that she was a bit out there that morning,and what was better than being comforted that had many more issues with her love life?

As she reached for the door handle and touched it,she took her hand off it and yelled "ouch!" in pain.

The door was frozen solid.The metallic handle was twice more freezing than the rest of the door.

Weird.

She bent over to look through the keyhole(how unethical of her!),but it was covered with ice as the rest of the door.Chilly steam was emanating from the keyhole. The door's hinges were frozen on the case of the door too.Something wicked was happening in there...and it involved Bobby.

Rogue looked around to see if anybody was watching,and as she made sure nobody was in the corridor she flashed a wicked grin.

Then she walked away,snickering.Jubilee would die to know about this.

*****************************

Zazelle got off the bed she used to share with her ex-thug and now sex slave Lance.

"What's wrong, miss?",he asked at unease,since he knew she never stopped until he wouldn't be able to reciprocate.

"It's about damned time",she said,putting her palms at each side of her head.

"Did you-"

"Yes.Target located.Call the guys,Lance...I'm going for flesh shopping."

A wickedly slutty smile was formed across her face.

***************************

Ororo entered the laboratory where Hank had been workin his ass off lately and found him reading the Scientists Bulletine.

"Any news in the amazing world of science,Hank?"

"Hank looked up from his newspaper in surprise,like he had been doing something he wasn't supposed to."

"Er-hello,Ororo.Nothing in particular has changed in the extracurricular world of science the last days,apparently."

Ororo could see that sweat had been forming on his forehead,even before she came in.

She locked her eyes on his,an inquiring look who was searching his eyes for the tiniest hint of lie.

"A-HA!"she exclaimed.

"But,Ororo,wha-"

She formed a pretty powerful wind towards the Scientists Bulletin that picked up the newspaper and lightly brought it on her hands.

Hank hadn't been reading the bulletin,but the magazine hidden inside the bulletin.

"Lesbian Bitchez XXX."

She shot him an evil look,which seemed to say"You read such stuff?"

"Ehm,Dave had it by his chair at the lake and I thought I could borrow it and inquire the tastes of young human males nowadays-"

"Yeah,right.Out of scientific interest."She shot him a harsh look,supressing her urge to laugh at him.

"Only that and that only",he added.

"Let's see your reaction and interest to where this magazine will end up,Mr.Scientist",Storm said,and by these words a light air picked the porn magazine up and it flied through the window,falling on the grass somewhere outside the mansion.

"No-but-"

"Get back at work,Hank."she said as she made her way out of the laboratory.Once out,she started giggling like crazy.

Outside,even the tiniest hint of a cloud dissapeared form the sky.

*****************

Bobby grinned sheepishly as he happily stared at the ceiling,his mind travelling in what happened the last few hours.

He closed his eyes,reliving the still fresh on his mind experience and picking out the most exciting moments of the ride.When he found out what he wanted to remember best of all,he burned the images of that memory in his mind and put them in the most easily accessible part of his mind-so that he would be able to relive them again and again every time he wanted to.

The whole memory trick was something he learned in accounting classes and was initially designed to remember difficult numbers consisting of lots of digits,something neccesary for the job.But Bobby also used it for the cream of his joyful memories too,so that he would push away all kinds of brooding thoughts easily by accessing the good memories in an instant.

The really out-of-tone voice coming from the bathroom mixed with splashing indicated that his Sweetheart-or should it be *his* sweetheart?-was having a bath and singing some old classic about kung-fu fighting.

Well,what they did before really resembled "fighting" anyway.It was so wild that he feared she would eat him after sex,like the female mantis does to her partner.But Paula did not.She didn't even create any of her chocolate cookies to eat afterwards.Of course,that would be bad,because chocolate is a substitute for sex and what could be worse that your girlfriend eating chocolate after having sex with you?

His *girlfriend*.Now,that sounded good.As wild as it had been,it still didn't seem like a one night stand-a one day stand more appropriately-to him.They would still have to sort out their feelings though.Going back at the wildness issue,Bobby worried how did the sweet creature turned into a bloodthirsty tigress in like,half a second,and if that phenomenon generally appeared in every aspect of her life.He wondered if she could be one of those headcases who are sweet and caring Mother Theresas one moment,and the other they turn into Hannibal Lector's evil twin sister.That could turn out into a problem.

Right then,Bobby started choking,and eventually spat out a broken nail.It was Paula's.

"So that's where you ended up!",he said at the broken piece of ceratine,that had separated from the rest when Bobby accidentally bit on Paula's nails while passionately sucking her fingers.It was good he didn't swallow the piece of nail after all.Thankfully,she was so zoned at the time she didn't even get mad at him for breaking her nail..Though she oathed to spank him for a punishment later...

A nasty grin crossed his tired face at the thought. Now Paula could be heard doing severe damage to the song's prestige.She obviously was no Tom Jones.

He got up and walked to the open door of the bathroom.

"Hello,sweetie",he said glancing at the bathtub.

She was in there,buried under a huge quantity of bubbles,as her body was once again controlled by her sweet and perky side of her personality.Or at least,he supposed so,because he couln't imagine the tigress having a bubblebath anyday.

"Hello, Chilly Butts",she answered back,a nasty gleam in her eye.

"What?"

"You heard me.That's how I'm gonna call you.It suits you."

"But I don't have a chilly-"

"Oh damn right you do!My poor fingers know better!Okay,not chilly exactly,but at least Cool.You like Cool Butts better?"

"You're not going to call me that in the presence of conscious human beings,are you?"

"Only if you behave yourself...Coolbutts.Nah,I like Chilly Butts better."

"Ouch."he pouted.

"No pouting will work on me ,mister.Now please move your chilly ass and get me some coffee.With milk and sugar."

"What's in for me?"

"Two kisses and a hug."

"You got me.I'll be back A.S.A.P."

"And put something on,babe!I want no other woman looking at *my* Chilly Butts!"

"Uh,okay",he said,putting on his boxers(who were stuck frozen at the floor and he had to pull them off it)and his t-shirt.

All of his clothing was rough and almost frozen solid as he wore it,as his mutant gift got a bit uncontrollable during the past hours. Bobby tried to open the door,but it also was frozen into its place and wouldn't open.

"Dammit!"he exclaimed as he accidentally broke the frozen door off its hinges.Too bad.They would have to bring someone and fix it afterwards.

He strolled through the hallways,got down the stairs,and entered the kitchen.As he had a quick glance,Jubilee,Rogue and Jean were sitting in there.

"Oh,perfect",he thought to himself.

All three of them started giving glances at him and giggling between whispering a few words,as he tried to pour some cofee into the cups without being distraught by them.

Eventually,he turned his attention to them,with an expression between anger and surrender."How do you know?",he asked all three af them.

"Ah paid a visit to Paula's and the door was frozen solid",Rogue said between giggles.

"Afterwards she informed me",Jubilee added,grinning.

Jean was almost blushing."I'm a psychic.You were practically screaming thoughts into my head the last hours."

Bobby turned green of embarrassment.He grabbed the cofee cups and made his way out trying not to look too much at the floor.

As soon as he got out of the kitchen,Jubilee ,Rogue and Jean broke into hard laughs again.

"That was too harsh Jean.You should have told him the truth,that Ah informed ya.",Rogue said between snorts and giggles.

"That wouldn't be nowhere close as funny,though",she answered back.

Jubilee was too busy to comment on that,as she was rolling on the floor already.

*********************

"...and then she told me,"I'm sorry Davey,you're so fine,but I'm in love with someone else.Hannah, to be more specific."

"Owww,tough one,kid".Logan had never been dumped for another woman,but he surely could sympathise to that.

"Then I decided to get myself another girl,you know,fight love with love,but the same thing happened all over again."

Instead of making some comment,Logan just stood there,sniffing the air.

"Hey,Logan,you pain' attention?"

"Just wait,kid,I can smell somethin'"

Logan kept sniffing,and finally got to a conclusion.

"You farted?"

"What-No! I never fart!Has something to do with my 'sexy aura'."

"But I can smell the distinctive odour of-"

"Hello boys."That voice was totally new to Logan.He cocked his head to the diraction it came from.

Zazelle was standing about 30 feet away from them,a bunch of new thugs standing right behind her.

"Judging from your clothing,you must be the kid's bitchy sister,right?"

"Zazelle.Pleasure to meet you Wolverine."

She was wearing a tiny purple thong bikini,allowing almost all of her flesh to expose itself.She also wore the obligatory thigh-level boots,also of purple colour,and a purple cowboy hat.

"Mary,you could *at least* wear something less eccentric,why do you have to embarrass me in front of other people?"

"Don't call me that,Dave!Never again!I'm NOT Mary anymore!Zazelle is a much cooler name"

"For a prostitute,that is."

"You call your own sister a prostitute?That's not what I am, you know.Prostitution is a job,Dave.I'm just doing it for a hobby."She flashed a smile,proud of the clever thing she just said."

"Look,I hate to interfere in family quarrels,but you're going down,lady."Wolverine interfered.

"Oh yes,soon I'll be going down.On you."She flashed a cool-line-grin again."These guys here are my mercenaries.They're all mutants and they're going to kick your ass.Guys,get my brother first." Then she paused a little."Oh,wait,I forgot to introduce you guys.Where are my manners?"

"Somewhere along with your virginity?",Dave snapped at Zazelle.

"Shut up kid.Don't make it worse than what it already is.She can have total control over me in seconds and while you can stand up to her,you don't have a chance against her thugs."Logan tried to soften things up a bit.

"I love a man with wisdom"said Zazelle,and began the introductions."Beginning from the left,you can see Taser,Melee,Myth,Intoxicator,Kujo and Captain Poop."

"Captain Poop?",Logan said,glancing to the far right of the evil mutants.Captain Poop was apparently a fist-sized piece of shit,clad only in a cape stabilized where its neck was supposed to be.It really was made out of shit."Hey,that's where the smell came from...it wasn't fart,it was shit!"

"Do not anger Captain Poop,you hairy bastard!"Captain Poop was very pissed off and shoot a stream of diarrhea(liquid crap) straight at Logan's face.It splashed all over him.

"Eeeeeeew"that was too much even for Logan,who barely kept himself from fainting,and used his hand to clear his face from the offending,stinking liquid.He growled at Captain Poop."You disguisting piece of shit..."

"Yes,that's what I am",the shit would have flashed a smile if it had a face.

Terrified,Dave looked at the other mutants. Taser wore a black and yellow costume with electric bolts drawn on it.Melee wore some black hotpants and a tank top,revaling most of his arms and feet.Myth was clad in blue jeans and a brown jacket,nothing close to a super- villain costume.Intoxicator was clad in a one piece sparkling silver costume,covering all of his body.Kujo was a huge Japanese guy clad only in a sumo costume.

"What's with the sumo guy?"he told his sister,pointing at Kujo.

"Oh,he's not such a powerful mutant.He's just a plain sumo wrestler with some psychic abilities.I hired him especially for you,so that you wouldn't have to get hurt by the extremely dangerous mutants I brought here...although some shit on your face wouldn't be that bad,mom would be very angry.Kujo?"she called at the huge man and tilted her head towards Dave."Get him."

Kujo put some really panicky feelings in Dace's mind.Then he started walking up to him.

Dave made a girly shriek as Kujo neared him and bolted to the opposite direction.

"So much for calming down",thought Logan.He would try and save the poor kid,but Dave was already a mile away.And he obviously ran faster than the fat guy over there.So he just turned his attention to more important matters like Ultra-Hooker and her Mutant Friends right beside him.He knew that he could easily put all of the thugs down,but the time wasting on them would give Zazelle the chance to put him under sexual control.So he started considering getting inside the mansion for help.Instead,he just thought loudly of Jean,to get her telepathical attention.After all,Chuck had left for Europe for some urgent bussiness of his,or else he would have used the Cerebro to locate himself Zazelle and her hideout.But the bitch proved herself a bit more resourceful than they expected.

[Logan,is everything Ok?],was her quick response.

[This is an emergency.Bring everybody out here ready for a fight.Super Slut and some mutant lackeys of hers are here!]

[But how did they locate our supposingly hidden mansion?]

[I don't know,just *get your cute ass here*,now!]

"Calling for backup,darling?",Zazelle asked him,grinning.

**********************

"Girls,there are problems on the outyard",Jean said to Rogue and Jubilee,with who were still chatting in the kitchen."Get out and be ready for a battle."

Jubilee bolted to the door,while Rogue went flying outside the kitchen window,looking for a less expected approach.

Jean set out a telepathical alarm in everyone else's heads,and run for the exit too.

******************

Paula was brushing her hair,only having a huge towel wrapped up around her body,when she heard some screams.

She looked out of the bathroom window,and saw Dave,the bitch's cute brother, running in panic in the fields behind the mansion.A huge Sumo guy was trying to reach him,but he was too fat,too big and too tired already to actually make it.He never would have,actually,if it wasn't for that rock on which Dave slumped(what a cliche!)and fell spread-eagled on the grass.Soon,the sumo guy reached him with ease,grabbed him,put him under a headlock and carried him back where they came from.

"This is weird".she thought,but then her trail of thoughts was interrupted from a mental alarm from Jean: [It's an emergency-Everybody get out by the lake-Zazelle is attacking the mansion-Be alarmed for a battle is going on!]

Paula ran to the next room,where she saw Bobby.He had just brought the coffee and apparently had just heard the same alarm.He iced up- he was very sexy in his iced up version,she tought-and gave her a quick kiss.

"Let's go."

They both bolted downstairs,Paula still in the big towel.

*********************

Logan growled at Myth and Taser who were approaching him carefully.

*Snikt!*

All his claws were now extracted and his fists,equipped with 3 claws each, were pointing at each them."Come to Poppa",he told them.

Melee shot him a mocking look and turned each of his hands into a katana.Apparently the guy's gift was to turn his arms(maybe legs too) into melee weapons-hence the name.Melee bolted at him,but he also warned him by giving a highly cliche battlecry.

Logan easily blocked his attack and tried to cut the katanas in pieces with his indestructable adamantium claws.

*CLANG!*

Apparently,Melee's katanas were also made of adamantium,because they both withstanded the blows.Melee shot him again his mocking look and then surprised him by shoving one of his katanas through Logan's guts.

Logan fell to the ground,only anxious to win a few seconds before his healing factor kicked in.

But Intoxicator probably was beggining to do something to Logan's body,because he started feeling sleepy...

"Don't worry baby,Intoxicator is only only using his gift to drug you.You will sleep for some hours,then wake up in a much better and entertaining place.Heh.My place."She playfully licked her lips.

Right then,Ororo and Jubilee came out of the mansion,the latter going straight at Zazelle,while Storm used some wind first to throw Melee away from Logan.They both stood 10 feet away from Zazelle,both giving her an evil,angry look.

"What have you done to Logan,you freakin bitch...",Jubilee threatened.

"Watch you tongue,young woman"Storm snapped at her,then cocked her head to the sex-manipulating mutant."You better undo what you have already done and get out of here,before I force you to..."Dark clouds started gathering above the mansion,confirming her threats.

"OH MY GOD,LOOK BEHIND YOU,A THREE-HEADED MONKEY!!!",Zazelle screamed at them,pointing behind them.

"That's an old trick,bitch-",Jubilee attempted to answer,but was interrupted by the huge Three-Headed Monkey behind her,who grabbed both hers and Storm's heads and smacked them together,rendering them unconcious.They both fell to the ground, the grass getting filth on their beautiful hair.

"Ha.I always wanted to say that.Thanks for giving me the chance,Myth",the bikini-clad mutant said to the Three-Headed Monkey.

Myth changed his form back to normal.What he could do was shapeshifting in the forms of unexistent or mythical creatures.That was extremely useful when you needed the advantage of surprise.

Then Kujo neared Zazelle,still carrying her unconcious brother."Here,I got him."

"Nice.Can you read his mind and find out any useful information about this place and those still inside?"

"Oh yeah.I already did it on the way back here,cause it was a long way and I was bored.Phoenix,Rogue,Cyclops,Beast,Iceman and Sweetheart are inside,probably on their way here.Iceman and Sweetheart have a fling."

"I already knew that.Something else?"

"Rogue has a thing for your baby brother here.Not comfirmed,just what he thinks."

"Oooh,interesting.What else?"

"Cyclops has a phobia for fictional killers from splatters and other B-movies."

"Now I could make use of that",she said,but Rogue came flying behind her,and grabbed her from the hair,hovering her on the air.

"Ouououououch!!That hurts,you stupid-"

"Ah knew Ah would take ya by surprise.Leave Dave alone,ya fat jerk!"

"So you were right,Kujo.She *does* have a thing for him.Throw him in the lake",Zazelle said through clenched teeth,because her hair was in pain at the time.

"Right away",Kujo said,and threw the unconcious man with force towards the lake.Dave even bounced once on the surface,before finally splashing in the lake.

"Noooooo!",screamed Rogue,as she left Zazelle fall to the ground and flew to the lake.She dived in and swam her way to the depths where Dave was sinking.She quickly reached him,and she stretched her hands to grab him.She then flew upwards,getting out of the lake in a glorious splash,and finally put Dave by the shore.Then she panicked because she realised that she couldn't give him C.P.R,she couldn't even touch him!

Thankfully,he came into conciousness by himself,coughing a little water.

In the meanwhile,Hank and Jean were already out of the mansion and battling with Kujo and Myth respectively.Myth had turned into Nessie,the monster of Loch-Ness,and was slapping Jean with his huge tail. Zazelle just stood and watched,because if she interfered she might mess the whole battle up,and she didn't want that,since everything was going as planned until that time.

"Shit!Ah gotta go help them out!Ya'll be okay?"

"Sure"Dave said,out of breath."I'll be fine."

Rogue got up from his side and started flying above the lake,towards the ongoing battle.Unfortunately,she didn't see Captain Poop who was flying towards her from the other side of the lake.

The little piece of shit caught her mid-flight,gloriously splashing himself all over her face.

"Ewwwww,GROSS!"Rogue yelped,realising what the material on her face was.The shock of having crap on her face made her lose her balance and fall in the lake,as Captain Poop recollected himself and flew back to the battle.

Rogue splashed into the water,and at the time she thought it was good,because the water cleared all the crap off her face.

But while Rogue was cleaning herself in the lake,Taser approached the lakeshore,dove his hands into the water,and shot lots of electric bolts into it.Rogue was instantly electrocuted,and the lake started boiling.

Rogue was now out cold,her unconscious body semi-floating on the lake.

The boiling lake drew Hank's attention and gave Kujo the chance to tackle him and send him with force on the ground.Right then,Melee came into the picture with one of his hands transformed into a pan,and gave Hank's head the complementary blow with the pan.Hank now lied unconscious on the grass.

At the same time,Myth/Nessie sent Jean flying on the mansion's wall.

Scott came running out only to find every X-Man unconcious and two familiar faces amongst the attackers.Myth had instantly formed into Freddie Cruger,while Melee had turned his hand into a chainsaw,resembling Leatherface.

They both neared a terrified Scott.

"No,no,this can't be true..It's a dream...a bad dream!"Scott rubbed his eyes and pinched himself.

Freddie and Leatherface were still there and smiling at him.

Scott fainted.

"Ok,that might sound a bit convenient,but only the 2 people I need into consciousness are missing now...watch it,guys"the bitch said."Oh,speakin of the Devil...",she added,as she saw the remaining mutants coming out of the mansion,Sweetheart only clad in a huge towel.

Iceman came up to them on his ice-slide.He saw Rogue sinking in the lake and he froze the whole lake,making sure Rogue's face was above the surface so that she would be able to breathe.

Sweetheart started throwing badly baked,rock-hard cookies straight at Zazelle's head."You will pay for making me lose my job,you slut!",she yelled.

Zazelle ran for cover from the deadly cookies,as Captain Poop came up to Paula and started shooting a beam of diarrhea at her.She blocked it with a beam of whipped cream,and now both beams were blocking each other,none of them overpowering the other.

Bobby in the meanwhile was fighting Myth,still on his Freddie Crouger form,and he was doing pretty well.But then,Myth formed into a badass dragon,and before Bobby realised why the hell the man couldn't stay in a constant form,the huge dragon blew fire at him.

Iceman's ice slide melt,and so did his ice-form,as he fell on the floor,not really harmed,but semi-concious.

In the meanwhile,Paula had been headbutted by Kujo and rendered useless too.Kujo,however,had got in the shitbeam's way while he headbutted Sweetheart,and was now covered in crap.

Zazelle finally had her chance to the classic "Villain explaining her schemes" speech.She nodded at Taser and Intoxicator to get to work.

Taser started giving little electroshocks to the unconcious X-Men (except for Wolverine and Rogue,who was in the middle of a slippery,iced-up lake) in order to bring them back to consciousness,so that they would be able to listen to Zazelle's speech.

When they would start coming back to consciousness,Intoxicator would release some toxin inside their bodies to have them in a nirvana situation, so that they still wouldn't oppose any threat.

Then Zazelle spoke up,looking down at Paula.

"Does any of you have the slightest interest to know how I located this mansion you have been hiding into?"

Paula,Bobby and Hank shaked their heads between others.

"Your friend here was bugged",she said,pointing at Paula.

They all glared their eyes on Sweetheart,but she looked as surprised too.

"After doing what you did at the bank,I thought I should place a bug on you,in case I ever had the desire to get back at you for being a naughty little bitch.",she continued."Now this should need a little explaining.One of my abilities is to create organic sex-bugs."

Everyone gave her a strange look,thinking she was mad or something.

"I'm not kidding.I can create tiny organic bugs,who can be implanted on targets easily and never be noticed."Zazelle looked at the bare shoulders of Paula."Remember back at the bank,when I pinched your little bitching shoulder?The pinch you felt was the bug implanting itself.It looks like a hair."

Paula stared at her left shoulder.Now that she knew it was there,she could barely make out a tiny hair,which was somewhat darker in olour than the others.She pulled it out,feeling a little pinch as it left her skin.The root of the hair seemed slightly bigger than the ones that normal hair had.

Zazelle continued her speech."Unfortunately,for the bug to start giving me the host's position,the host must have sex."

Half of the X-Men looked at her with surprise,thinking she must have been totally nuts.Bobby,Paula,Jean and Jubilee however began to understand.

"Thankfully,the bug takes care of it itself.It creates great sexual heat and desire in the host,making them really desire the first decent member of the opposite sex they see."

Bobby and especially Paula blinked in realisation.She remember how she had wanted him from the first moment she saw him.That longing was caused by a tiny bug?

"It forces them to take advances to the other person,making them quickly know they are desired,and when even the most innocent kiss takes place,the other person also begins to grow feelings."

She had kissed Bobby when she found him singing in his room.From then on he had began thinking about her too.

"The attraction and the final success can be ensured by things as immense horniness or imaginary inner voices.",Zazelle kept on.

Bobby's eyes grew bigger in realisation.That's what that stupid irritating voice was all about!That's why it stopped pestering him after his encounter with Paula!

"When the other person kisses the host back..."

Bobby had kissed on the forehead her when he asked her out.

"...the lust finally kicks in and they both get it on,no matter where they are."

Thank God he hadn't kissed her in a public place.

"During the whole proccess,any logical thought such as 'This is going too fast',or 'he can't possibly want *me*'will be diminished by happy thoughts and convincing inner voices."

That had happened to both of them.They both looked at each other.Bobby had his mouth open by now,lost in the shock.Paula's cheeks were watered with tears.Could all this,love,this desire,have been just an illusion? Were they possessed when they were so much into each other?

"I am happy to see that you're crying,filthy bitch",she said at Paula with a grin."I guess I managed two important things today by planting you that bug;I got back at you *and* I got myself a permanent sex-slave",she said,cocking her head at Logan,who was still unconscious.

"Look at all this testosterone"she said,stroking Logan's exposed hairy chest."He's gonna make me poweful beyond my wildest fantasies...since those fantasies will soon be fulfilled thanks to him."

She got up and theatrically bid them goodbye.Then,she waved to her lackeys.

"Get the growly man and let's beat it.Oh,and Captain Shit-"

"It's 'Poop'!"

"-Captain Poop,you won't be coming with us.With Wolverine coming along the ride, we can't all fit in the minivan,and we certainly don't want your smelly presence in such a restricted place,we can't stand your stink anymore!"

"WHAT?!?YOU WILL-"

"Oh,quit your whining",she said,using a bit of her natural charm on men(even those whose mutation turned them into a flying piece of shit). "You can have the mansion for yourself"

"I can?",the shit said,enthousiasm colouring his voice.

"Sure,you'll just have to kill the guys who live here to claim it,and guess what,they're all here,out cold,waiting for you to bury them under tons of shit!And believe me,they won't stay drugged like this for a long time!You have a quarter of an hour by the time we leave to do your thing with them!Just don't kill my brother,he doesn't live here anyway!Have fun,darling!"

And with that,she followed the others who were carrying Logan towards the exit,where their minivan was parked.

Captain Poop turned his unexistent head to the X-Men,all druged, unconscious and under his mercy.

"Bwahahahahaha!!!Now I,Captain Poop, will kill you all,and then claim this magnificent mansion and turn it into the second Playboy Mansion!!!"

The mental image of legions of Playmates cuddling with a fist-sized piece of shit brought Dave into full control of himself.He hadn't been drugged like the others,but almost drowning had taken it's toll on himself.He quickly glanced around as Captain Poop kept giving a patented pre-death speech at the X-Men and saw that Rogue was close to him,trapped in the iced-up lake,and barely conscious.

He then remembered that when Kujo had been reading his mind,the information flow was not one-way.

He also remembered that Rogue hadn't been drugged.

He realised there still was a chance.

Running to the lake,Dave slipped on the icy shore and crawled his way on the cold surface of the ice.He reached Rogue,only her head exposed by the ice,grabbed the sides of her face,and kissed her lips,while his hand was feeling her forehead.

It began to hurt after a few seconds.

The flow of energy eventually made Rogue flutter her eyes open.Then,Dave let go.He fainted,his body falling on the icy surface.

Rogue woke up and felt the combined shock of restored energy,renewed memories and the coldness of the ice sourrounding her body.Using her ultra strength,she broke the ice trapping her and ran to her fellow X-Men,after making sure Dave would be okay.

The flow of new memories gave her some information that surprised her.Dave had acquired them after his encounter with Kujo and it showed that the enemy had a weakness.

On her way to her endangered teamates,her eye caught something.It was a magazine,thrown in the grass beside a big tree.

A very colourful,shiny magazine.

It was a porn magazine.

It was named "Lesbian Bitchez XXX".

"Perfect!"she shouted,and grabbed the magazine,making sure it wasn't stained.

She flew towards Captain Poop,who was finishing his speech until then.

"...and this is how I,Captain Poop,beginning by this mansion,will eventually use all the fellow crap in the sewers all over the world to eventually conquer the planet!!!"

"We're gonna die!OH SHIT!",screamed Bobby,while hovering between conscious and unconscious.

"Exactly,oh *shit*",Captain Poop answered back with a nasty voice.

"Gone a little far,haven't ya?"she shouted at him.

"Huh?HEY!I killed you!!!"he said as he turned his body towards Rogue.

"Naah.Ah would have known it."

"Do you really expect to beat me by yourself,little powerless girl?"

"Ah'm not powerless.As you know,knowledge is power.And Ah have knowledge.And the knowledge Ah have is of your greatest fear,your massive weakness,the only thing that can kill ya..."

"no...no...noooooo..."Captain Poop whispered in total panic...

"...ASSWIPE!"Rogue said,menacingly revealing the porn magazine she hid behind her until then.Yes,the specific porn magazine mentioned many times earlier.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Of course this is not your normal,politically correct way to wipe shit,but Ah think it'll do in your case!"

"AAAAARRGHHHH!!!",the shit screamed.

Captain Poop attampted to flee,flying over the mansion's roof,but Rogue flied too and reached him.She slapped him with the magazine,sending him to pin on the ground.

Once landed,Rogue wrapped the naughty magazine around Captain Poop,trapping him for good.She even found a plastic bag and wrapped it around the magazine and Captain Poop,making his entrapment more secure.

"Here ya go.All wrapped up,like a christmas present".She winced at the mental image of someone being given a piece of shit for Christmas.

************************

Whithin minutes,the X-Men were all fully conscious again.Zazelle had told the truth when saying that they wouldn't be drugged for much longer after Intoxicator left the area.

Soon,all of them were fully up and gathered around the plastic bag,in the mansion's main hall.Hank had even carried Dave's limp body from the lake.

"He's out cold,but he will soon be up and about,so don't worry,Rogue"Beast told her.

"Who said Ah'm worried about him?"

"Oh,stop pretending you don't like him already."

"It's just his mutation,the one who makes him physically attractive.No big deal."

"Yeah,right."

They both turned towards Jean,who was about to make the most difficult decision in her whole life(or lives,duh).

"I said,I will *never*,ever,touch that...that...piece of crap!!!"Jean yelled.

"But,honey,you have to,it's the only way to read his mind and get to know where Zazelle's hideout is!Don't you want to get Logan back?",Scott tried to make up her mind.

"What do *you* care,you never liked him anyway!",she snapped back at him.

"You did,however.We *have*to rescue him!"

"Yeah,who would want to live forever being a 24/7 sex slave to a mutant,nymphomaniac hottie anyway?Jeez"Bobby tried to give some comic relief there.

Paula slapped him at the back of his head for calling another woman a hottie.The woman she hated the most.

"Hey,watch your hands,lady,after all,you never really wanted me!It was the sex-bug that made you take an interest on me anyway!"he snapped at his...girlfriend?

Paula clenched her teeth in anger,slapped him again twice harder than before,and then stormed out of the room.

Everyone stared at Bobby with a "look-what-you've-done-now" look.

"What?What did I say?"he asked,panicked.

After all,Paula had been with him only by pure coincidence.The sex-bug inside her would make her have a crush on anyone she really looked at before him.Hank,Scott,even Logan had the same chances of being the ones she would set her eyes upon.She just saw Bobby first.When he greeted her in the rec room,where she sat with Jubilee.

She could have as easily been with anyone else,if she hadn't seen him first.But...wait a minute.She had seen all of them before,in the bank.Maybe that time didn't count,as she was in shock,Bobby thought.

But,wait,the first guy she saw after the shock was the Professor,who reached her mind and made her snap out of the shock she was into.She didn't fall in love with Xavier,though.Maybe Xavier can't be considered as the hot stuff,but there had been a Shi'Ar queen who was in love with him.Why not Paula too?And she had probably set her eyes-even briefly- on everyone after coming to her senses...so why Bobby?

The Zazelle woman had said she would fall for the first decent guy in there.So Bobby was decent and the usual studs,Logan and Scott weren't.That felt flattering.So maybe she wanted him.Then what's the bug's role in their affair?Maybe the longing was there,and the bug just sped things up?There have been other quickly evolving relationships who turned up well...

And after the sex,where they staid on the bed and talked,and talked...The affection afterwards...?Her making nicknames on his chilly buttcheeks?The kiss they shared before going to battle?Paula slapping him on the head,like she was marking her territory?She considered him *hers*...not her sex-toy,but her guy...Maybe he just did a terrible mistake after all...the bug didn't work anymore,but she still considered him *hers*.

"Shit,what *did* I say?",he finally thought to himself,coming to a conclusion.He had to find her.

"No wonder no woman ever remains with you for long",Storm finally commented.

But Bobby was already out of the room by then.

Scott cocked his head back to his wife,a breath of exasperation leaving his lungs.

"So,will you do it or not?"

"Uhm...okay...but you all owe me",Jean sniffed.

She din't try to hide her disgust as she slid her hand through the wrappings to touch Captain Poop.Dammit,it felt twice as gross as she expected...

"What is this...a lesbian porn magazine?",she asked,before the memories shot into her mind.

*************************

Bobby finally found Paula standing at the rec room,looking at the blank screen of the TV.From the sound of it,he could say she hadn't been crying.So,he obviously didn't have the sweet side of Paula across him,but The Tigress.He shuddered.

"Can I help you with something,Mr.Robert Drake?",she said in a cold voice as she heard him walking to her direction.

"Look,Paula,I'm...I don't know why I said that."

"I perfectly understood what you said,Bobby,and it didn't feel like a joke to me or something.Just admit that you don't believe that any of us felt something real for each other",her voice was rough and colder now,like she was talking to her subordinate and was about to fire him.

"I...don't know but I think you really felt something for me.Something that wasn't instructed by some stupid organic bug.Come on,Paula,I can still see it in your eyes...if you thought that all we had was sex,forced to us by a wickedly irresistible device,now we wouldn't even be talking about it."

Her eyes lightened up a little,he could tell,but then she hid the brightness under a stream of disbelief.

"Paula...the implant is out of your system now,and yet you hit me for making a comment that would make a girlfriend feel peculiar.It doesn't affect us now,but here I am,trying to talk you into something you think I don't believe in".Wow,where had this inspirational words been when I needed them with previous girlfriends,he hought to himself.

"What are you trying to talk me into,Robert Drake?"she said,her face not so hardened anymore.

"Maybe it wasn't the best beginning for a relationship,the whole thing with the bug I mean,but the bug based it's work on something that already had foundations.And what eventually happened was more than sex.I think that this...me and you...this relationship can work itself out.Let's not throw it in the wind,right?"

She smiled.A little,but she did."Bobby,we have been together for what,an afternoon,do you consider this already a founded relationship?Well,I don't know..."OK,Bobby knew she was convinced,but now she was just playing stubborn.

"Oh come ooooon",he pouted,trying to be cute and talk her into it that way.

"During this brief relationship,I remember myself clearly telling you that pouting and playing cute to me will never work."

"Point taken",he paused for a little,trying to think of another approach.

"You know what,just screw this!"he finally burst out."I will make it up to you anyway you want,just,don't leave me!",he considered falling to his knees,but that was waaaaay too cliche.

"Never mind",answered Paula."I can forgive you this first time.But if you ever-EVER-pull such a trick on me...I will spank your chilly butt until it gets as warm as Australia in January!"

She finally cracked a glorious smile,enlightened by sparkling eyes.She fell on his arms and they kissed like a couple in a stupid kissey-lovey pocket book.

Bobby whispered in her ear,while still holding her in his arms."About this last thing,if everything turns out well today,you might do it without me being naughty!"

"A-hem."Jubilee was standing behind Bobby for a long amount of time,and from the supressed grin on her face Bobby could tell she had heard every single word,even the last whispered kinky ones.

"Oh,Jubilee!"Paula tried to sound suprised.After all,she wasn't the one with his back at Jubilee all this time.

"I would tell you to get a room,but more urgent things are ahead of us.Jean located the slut's hideout.We will be off as soon as she rinses her hands with something strong...like alcohol,for example.So come on,get outta here!"

Paula ran outside,ready for action.Bobby followed her,but as he passed next to Jubilee,she slapped him hard on the butt.He just kept running,protesting with an "ouch"to her.

"Slut puppy..."Jubilee muttered under her wide grin.

************************

WhoreyLand,Washington.

Somewhere in the state of Washington,a large,old theme park lies.It was a normal and successful theme park,until somewhere at the nineties,the owner's wife ran off with the gardener and all of her husband's money and flied to Seychelles.

The owner soon went bankrupt as he couldn't sustain the place without the initial funds,and whithin days the place was deserted.Nobody offered to buy it,since it was on a somewhat distant area and nobody wanted to take the chance to invest on this place and bring it back to life.A few months ago,when Zazelle returned from France and had to create her headquarters in America,she bought the place with the money remaining from investments back at France,and turned it in a big red lights district,a place equal to a grown-up's Disneyland.Hence the name she gave it,WhoreyLand.

Soon,hopeless hookers came to live and work there,and clients were flowing from all over the world.The clients,being whithin the reach of Zazelle's gifts,somehow were always satisfied,and inevitably they always returned for more.But this wasn't enough for Zazelle,who needed to find large amounts of cash quickly,and therefore fund her plans for a celeb porn industry.She ended up robbing the Salem Centre Bank,as we already know.

In the middle of WhoreyLand,stood a big,impressive hotel,and this is where Zazelle lived.The rest of the place were homes for the employees, whorehouses,sex-shops,and all the relevant stuff.

In that hotel's lobby stood Zazelle's lackeys,Taser,Myth,Kujo,Melee,and Intoxicator.They all were immensely bored,as loud moans were heard from one of the many floors of the hotel.

"Dammit,she's up there with the feral guy since the moment we got back from the Xavier Institute.Why do we have to just stay down here and listen to them?",Myth protested.

"Do you have anything better in mind?I really don't think we can go out and visit the whorehouses now,can we?",it was Taser that answered back.

"After all,we can't visit the forementioned houses.We're mercenaries and we have to remain professionals while being here.After all,as soon as she loads up her sex-battery,we will be loaded with huge amount of cash.She has told you about her celeb-porn plans,right?",Intoxicator put some reason in their minds.

"Guys,as Monty Pythons said,always look at the bright side of life.We'll soon be as rich as we can get,plus Captain Shit is not here to fill the place with his stink anymore",it was Melee who finally put an end to the conversation.Everyone nodded to him.

The growls,moans and screams upstairs were so loud that Zazelle's mercenaries barely heard the sound of a jet-like thing landing on the mud outside.

"What the hell was that sound?"Taser exclaimed.

"I didn't fart",was all that Kujo had to comment.

"Maybe Big Bertha squished a client again",Intoxicator tried to offer an explanation.

"Big Bertha in on a break today.Went to visit her fratsisters in New York.Maybe we should check-"

Right then,the main door broke off its hinges and Beast stepped in.Right behind him,entered Storm,Cyclops,Phoenix,Iceman,Sweetheart and Rogue.

Cyclops,leader of the X-Men,was the one to talk before the battle began:"Remember X-Men,the first time,they only won because they caught us by surprise.Now you can show them what exactly our potential is."

And the battle began.

Myth thought of taking the highly successful form of Nessie again,but they were indoors and she wouldn't fit in the hotel lobby.He instead took the form of a Hydra with 9 heads."Thank God for that Greek Mythology encyclopedia I found at the basement",he thought before grabbing Rogue by the arm with one of its 9 mouths.

But then Sweetheart started stuffing his mouths with hot,burning chocolate.

As the Hydra opened his mouths to yell,Rogue was set free and instantly flew over to the Intoxicator,kicking his head on- air,sending him flying to a painting hang on the wall,depicting some prostitutes with their eyes being where the mouth should be,and their ears hanging from the chin.The painting had no chance against the huge mass of Intoxicator.

Cyclops started shooting beams at the Hydra's heads while Jean telekinetically blocked every single electric bolt of Taser's.

Iceman had a one-on-one with Melee and his dual chainsaws,while Beast was giving a painful payback to Kujo.

Right outside the buliding,Jubilee talked to Dave:"I think that anytime now you will have to make your way in there.Remember,you're the only one who stands a chance against Zazelle now,and you surely wouldn't stand one tiny little chance against her lackeys.That's why the guys are distracting them now,so that you will make your way upstairs and spoil your sister's party.Can you handle it?"

"Yeah,like I can back out now.Jeez,Jubilee.I have to give it a chance.Just promise me one thing;as soon as you finish those guys off,DON'T come upstairs to assist me.She will take control of you and make it all the more difficult.

"Good luck,baby"she said,and gave him a quick,friendly kiss on the lips.But she found out she couldn't resist his emerald green eyes and blonde short-cropped hair(that's how he looked like to her eyes),so she also slipped him the tongue a little.

"Hey!"he protested."You're an adolescent!I can get arrested for this!"

"They would have to arrest half of the whole WhoreyLand before getting to you",she said,flashing him a grin.

Dave smiled back at her and then looked through the window."Shit!A big Hydra thing is blocking the way to the stairs!How can I get through this?"

"Let me lead the way,cutie,"Jubilee said,and bolted in the buliding,Dave running straight behind her.

As she entered the hotel lobby,Jubilee raised her hands and did her light tricks to dazzle the Hydra.With all of the monster's heads looking at her,but the light never allowing them to see Dave,who was running right behind her,Dave crawled under Jubilee's legs(and she had to fiercely fight back the urge to ride him while doing that) and kept crawling under the Hydra's legs,now being in grave danger if the monster was knocked out and fell on top of him.

Using these thoughts to force himself crawl faster,he reached to the other side under Hydra's body,dodged his tail as it hovered around with no specific direction,and climbed up the stairs ahead of him.As he climbed the stairs,he realised that he didn't knew in which room he would find his sister and the not really unfortunate Wolverine.

[She's at the VIP Suite,last floor,darling.I can pick up tons of happy thoughts out of that room],he heard the voice of Jean inside his head.

He climbed the stairs quickly,since he didn't feel like trusting the ancient elevator available.

**************************

Dave bolted in the last floor's suite and gasped at the sight,although he should have expected he would catch Logan and Zazelle red-handed.

"Shit!You again?"Zazelle yelled at him,and put something on her,although that something(a see-through bathrobe) didn't really cover anything."Why do you have to always mess things up for me?"she kept yelling.

Dave glanced a quick look at Logan,who lied on the bed.He was so drained that he wouldn't be much help in the next few minutes.Supposing his healing factor would soon bring him into full consciousness,Dave only had those few minutes to kick his sister's ass for good.

"I'm freaking talking to you,dammit!Or you just burst in here to get an eye candy?Logan here won't object to give you some too,I have him under full control here."She grinned.

"Oh shut up!That's it Zazelle!You always made the other's lives a hell in order to show off,but you should have expected that mentality would eventually turn back at you!So here I am!You can't control *me*,and your powers only restrict on sexual manipulation,so you can't have Logan here gut me.Can't you finally see you're finally going down,head first?"

"I spent the last hours having sex with this sexual powerhouse"she said,pointing at Logan,"and now I can feel the power flowing through me,I am practically omnipotent!I can use my powers and put everyone in this hotel out of use for an amount of time that will allow me to get away.I can't use my gifts to put you out of the picture,but I can use my bare fists to do it.It's about time we see who the more powerful is in this family,after all."

"Oh yeah?Go ahead,bitch.Make my day",Dave responded and Zazelle bolted at him.

Slamming him on the chest,Dave fell hard on the filthy floor(Zazelle was never much of a household,you see.)

Zazelle used her height advantage to kick her brother at the sides,using as much of her high-heels(which she wore even at bed)as she could,to make it more painful.

Dave eventually grabbed her foot and pushed her back,making her fall on the bed,next to a totally drained Logan,on her back.

As Dave fell on her and started slapping her(he couldn't punch a girl,you see),she started searching with her free hand for something behind her to hit him.

After 23 slaps on the cheeks,she managed to grab a huge vibrator and hit Dave on the head with it.He fell to his side,brushing on Logan's naked body."Aw,sorry",he tried to mumble,but Zazelle hit him again with the superhumanly huge vibrator and he fell off the bed,his ass hitting on the hard floor.

He grabbed another huge vibrator as he rolled to the far side of Zazelle's direction,and stood up.

Zazelle neared him,her vibrator in her hands,and they started swordfighting with the vibrators.

They crossed swords(sorry,dildos) many times during the fight,and nobody managed to overpower the other.Dave was certainly stronger at close combat than Zazelle,but she seemed to be an expert in handling vibrators,so she made up for the strength handicap that way.They were equal.

As Zazelle used her quick reflexes to overpower Dave and have him with his back against the wall,she flashed a an arrogant grin,knowing that she was close to victory.

Trapped against the wall,Dave realised that his vibrator had an advantage the other one hadn't.It had a small button at the base.It could shoot fake sperm.

As Zazelle raised her vibrator for the final strike,he pressed the tiny button,and a handful of milk shot out of the vibrator and hit her at the eyes.She staggered back,rubbing her eyes,her vibrator falling on the floor.

Dave pointed his controversial weapon towards Zazelle."Finally,we learned who is the best in a one-to-one fight.I hope you can handle the idea of losing,sister.",he said in triumph.

"But what about in a two-to-one fight,little shithead?"a new voice echoed in his ears.Lance,Zazelle's ex-thug and now sex-slave,came out of the closet he was hiding up to then,from where he eavesdropped the live Wolverine-Zazelle action.Zazelle smiled at Lance and stood by his side,both ready to attack an outnumbered Dave,who began to panic,and raised his weapon defensively.

Lance was the first to bolt himself towards Dave,but accidentally (for him),he slipped on the huge vibrator Zazelle had lost out of her own hands before.He rolled on the vibrator screaming for help, and finally fell towards the huge window,smashing through its glass and falling off the 6th floor,to his doom.

"Too bad",Dave mumbled mockingly and pointed his vibrator to Zazelle once more."You lost,Zazelle.Under other circumstances,I would give you the chance to surrender,but as soon as you will be able to,you will use your powers on my friends and get away again."

"So,what,are you going to kill me?",she stood before him,a harsh,proud look glancing to him.

"No,but I will make sure you won't be any trouble before we get you someplace where your gifts will be confined",he shot back at her,raising his vibrator menacingly.

"NO!Not in the face!"she screamed,but Dave hit her on the back of the head instead,rendering her unconscious.

"Good show,kid!",was Logan's comments after the final strike.

"What-have you been playing unconscious the whole time?",Dave yelled,surprise on his voice.

"Yup.No point in trying to help you,anyway.She would have taken control of me again",he said,pointing at Zazelle's unconscious body."I would try to help if you screwed up,however.She would have been so happy that she kicked your sorry ass,that I would have caught her off-guard",he grinned.

"Okay.Now put something on you,and help me carry her out of here."Dave sid,cocking his head towards Zazelle.

"Nor can do.The crazed nympho ripped off all of my clothes,and all I can see in here are see-through baby-dolls.Yours are the only male cloths I can see in here."

"Hey,back off!I can only give you my pants.For the rest of clothing you will have to suffice with something of my sister's."

***********************

The X-Men rested victoriously on the limp bodies of their long- beaten enemies,as they saw Logan and Dave coming down the stairs,Logan carrying Zazelle on his shoulders.They all noticed that Logan was clad in a normal pair of blue jeans and a girly pink leather coat,while Dave was normally clothed,with the exception that his pants were missing,revealing his loose powder blue boxers.

Rogue grinned evilly."Did something happen up there that we all should know of?"

"Shaddup,kid",was Wolverine's response.

************************************

Bobby Drake was lying on his bed,thinking over the events of the last few days.

A week had passed since the payback at the WhoreyLand hotel,and everything had calmed down at the Xavier Institute.When the professor returned from Europe,he was happy to express his opinion that with a little psychological therapy which he would telepathically provide,Zazelle could change her ways of thinking and maybe eventually turn to the light side of superheroing.He said that what her actions showed was not something really evil,but closer to the Chaotic Neutral side,if we spoke in D&D terms.

Zazelle also agreed,saying that she would prefer to be a good-mannered superhero for free than staying even a little more in that power-disabling cage they had put her in.She also said that she had to have sex once in a while(once a day was actually what she meant) or else she would grow so weak she might even die. Logan,being the do-gooder he always was,sacrificed himself and now keeps her occupied once a day(sometimes twice,if he feels
grateful) ,at least for as long as she will remain in that cell.Xavier said she would spend quite a long time in there yet before they could be sure she is fully converted.

Dave didn't leave the mansion after all was over,as he continiously had mentioned he would. He said he would be useful there as long as his sister would be in that cell.He added that being the only one immune of her powers,he should stay there,just in case,until further notice. Xavier saw through the guy's excuses,realised that all he wanted was to stay with the X-Men, and just gave him a job as an errand boy in the mansion,so that he could stay as long as he wanted. The X-Women were very satisfied by this outcome.

As for Paula...well,she was sleeping right beside him.After Zazelle's capture,she was a little pissed off at having to live in the same area as her,but quickly her anger subsided,since she was occupying herself with Bobby more than anyone else in there.So,she was happy to be with him after all.She even started talking to Dave and found out he didn't have a very good opinion of his sister as well.Now they were good friends,but still she didn't seem really attracted to his illusional good looks.Nobody knows why.

Bobby was tired of all this complex thinking.He rolled over to Paula's side,putting a protective hand above her arms,and drifted to sleep,his face buried in the familiar warmness of her shoulder.



~THE END~


You really went through all of it?Well Done!Now quit whatever you intended to do,and send me feedback!PUH-LEAAASE?

P.S. You can also give me some ideas about what to do with the slutty mutant in possible sequels...I just feel like she's got some potential for further funny situations.You know the e-mail ;-)