Fighting So Hard

Author: Blueprint

Summary: Takes place after X2. Scott falls and Logan is there to catch him.

Rating: R

Note: Probably won't be a sequel, but I'll see. Lyrics are Evanescence, Fields of Innocence.

Fighting So Hard

by Blueprint

Logan swung open his door, the irritated expression dropping from his face when Ororo's worried face greeted him. "Scott's gone missing…we need your help."

"Alright, be out in a sec." Logan replied, giving a nod before going back inside his room and putting on some more clothes. The news didn't surprise him. Scott had been losing the plot for months now. They'd all seen it happening but no one had seemed to know what to do about it. What did you do for a man who'd lost the love of his life? His soul mate? It had been awhile since Jean's death and Logan felt he'd laid his own pain over it to rest. But Scott's wounds seemed not to be able to heal, but then Logan had a feeling maybe Scott didn't want to heal. That certainly was how it looked. It was like he'd just given up.

Pulling on his jacket Logan met Ororo out in the hall. "How long?"

"Kurt saw him last, passing the kitchen about four hours ago. He never showed up to his mechanics class in the afternoon though, and with the Professor away we thought you'd be our next best bet in finding him. Some of the kids could help of course, but we thought it'd be best not to alarm them yet…"

Logan nodded, drawing in air through his nose and looking both ways down the hall trying to pick up Scott's scent. Not hard to do, but it was hard to pick up anything fresh. After a moment he decided to just go with his instincts. "Alright, I'll check this way, you go that way," Logan said with a nod. Ororo nodded in return and they headed off in their separate directions.

It wasn't long before Logan picked up a fresh trail of Scott's familiar aftershave and assorted other smells that made up the other man's scent. Logan followed it right up to the attic, pausing only a moment outside the door before going in. There was no light on, but light from the setting sun was shining through the small window on the other side of the room throwing up deep shadows yet illuminating the place enough to see. There were assorted boxes and other odds and ends crowding the room, but Logan spotted Scott straight away. He was lying wearing only a pair of pants, spread eagled on his back off to the right, where there was some open space on the wooden floor. Underneath one hand there was an obviously empty bottle of alcohol that Scott was rolling back and forth over the wooden floorboards, creating an eerie sound. Or maybe it was just the scene Scott made that was eerie.

Logan walked over and crouched beside him, looking Scott over for a moment before taking up the bottle. Scott didn’t react at all to his presence, the hand that had been on the bottle flopping lifelessly to the floor and lying still. Frowning, Logan looked at the bottle's label. It was whiskey; lethal stuff even for the heartiest of drinkers and Logan knew Scott hardly touched a drop of anything. "Hey…cyke, can ya hear me?" Logan asked, shaking the man's shoulder.

Scott gave a light grunt and rolled away from the touch onto his side with his back to Logan, muttering something that could have been 'go away'. Logan's frowned deepened and he set the bottle back down. "Don't think so bub." Looking around he wondered what to do next. He had to let Ororo and Kurt know he'd found Scott, but he also didn't want to take Scott out of the room and risk the kids seeing him like this. The guy was their hero. Logan's eyes fell back on the curled up form and squinted when he noticed marks across Scott's back he'd never seen before. Scars…and a lot of them at that. "Jesus," Logan muttered but shook his head, knowing he had more pressing things to deal with.

After some more deliberation Logan realised he would have to chance taking Scott to another room. He had no other choice. Reaching out a hand he put it firmly on Scott's shoulder, ignoring the flinch. "Gotta take ya somewhere else." No doubt Scott was too out of to hear but Logan said it anyway, before moving to pick the slender man up. Scott struggled and groaned, but he wasn't even coherent enough to keep his head up and it didn't take much for Logan to keep him restrained in his arms. "Take it easy," Logan said gruffly, shifting his grip before heading out the door and down the steps.

Luck was on his side it seemed as he didn't run into anyone, as no doubt most of the kids would be studying in their rooms or in the rec room. Logan had been heading towards Scott's room but changed his mind at the last moment and went to his own instead. He'd known for awhile that Scott hadn't been spending much time in there anyway, and had in fact been sleeping in his office if he'd slept at all. Holding Scott awkwardly, Logan opened his door and walked through to lay the other man down on his bed. Scott just groaned again and curled up.

Logan watched him for a moment before shaking his head and heading back out the door, thinking it'd be safe to leave him for a couple of minutes. He met up with Ororo down the hall as she was coming back to find him. "I found him, he was drunk in the attic," Logan said before she had a chance to ask.

Surprise, concern and sadness all washed over Storm's face before she simply nodded in reply. "He…"

"He's alright…I'll take care of him," Logan cut in, looking away uncomfortably from Ororo's probing eyes. He hardly even knew why he'd decided that; maybe because he felt he owed it to Jean. Maybe more then that….

Ororo smiled slowly, though sadly, and nodded again, "Thank you Logan, I'll go and find Kurt to tell him." With that she turned on her heels and headed off again. Logan blew out a lung full of air before heading back to his room. Getting there he found that Scott hadn't moved from the position he'd left him in and was looking pale and sweaty. Logan walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand to Scott's forehead to find it hot.

"Just…want someone…to tell me I can stop fighting…so hard." Scott suddenly said with a quiet, raspy voice, sounding a million miles away. "Tell me…it's okay."

Logan froze and something twisted painfully in his guts. His hand dropped down to Scott's shoulder and he squeezed it. "It's gonna be okay." He didn't know if Scott heard him but the other man didn't say anything more. "You need to be sick, come on…I'll take ya to the bathroom." With some effort Logan managed to get Scott up again and into the adjoined bathroom. Once there he set Scott in front of the toilet and grabbed some clean towels from the cupboard.

He'd only just turned back when Scott suddenly gripped the bowel and vomited, his whole body heaving with the spasms. Logan crouched and helped hold him in place until it passed, leaving Scott trembling and coughing. He handed Scott a towel and watched as Summers used it to wipe his face. "Ya wanna take a shower or somethin'?"

Scott shook his head slightly. "Water," He rasped.

Logan stood up and filled a glass before giving it to him. Scott drank it all and then sagged, dropping his head. He looked like a man resigned to whatever fate had in store for him next. Logan took the glass from him and then hefted Scott to his feet and back to the bed. Scott lay on his back, still trembling but looking better than he had before. Logan kicked of his boots and took off his jacket before settling on the side of the bed. "Ya know getting drunk ain't gonna help."

For the first time Scott shifted his head and actually appeared to be looking at Logan. "Didn't think it was going to," He muttered after a moment before slumping back onto the pillow. "Why am I here? This is your room."

"Got a better place to be?" Logan returned curtly.

Scott turned his head away and brought his arms up to hug himself. "I shouldn't…I shouldn't…it all just goes away…."

Logan looked hard at him before standing up and rounding the bed to the other side. There wasn't even a chair in the room so it looked like he'd be sharing his bed. The idea didn’t concern as much as it could have, even though he was going to be sharing it with Scott Summers. Logan lay down and stuffed a pillow behind his head, feeling Scott's shielded eyes on him. "Yeah, the good stuff goes and the bad stuff stays. You ain't the first one to feel that way."

"Can't take it any more Logan…can't feel anything…."

Logan turned his head, regarding the man beside him. "You feel the pain don't you?" Scott tucked his head down, a deep frown lining his forehead. Logan shifted a bit to see his face better. "The rest'll come back."

"No…" Scott rasped out. "No it won't." He shook his head weakly. "Too much…."

Rolling to his side Logan pressed his fingers under Scott's chin, getting him to look up. "You haven't lost everything," He said with conviction, feeling like he was offering something but not entirely sure what.

Scott gripped his wrist, probably in an effort to move Logan's hand but ended up just keeping it there, his expression showing confusion. "No?"

"No."

A visible tremor went through Scott's frame and Logan frowned when it occurred to him just how young the other man looked. "You won't leave?" Scott seemed to choke on the words but forced them out regardless.

Logan stroked Scott's chin with his thumb. "No…not gonna leave."

Scott let out a choking, sobbing sound, suddenly pressing himself into Logan and gripping onto him. He didn't make any more noises but by the shaking of his body and the smell of tears Logan could tell he was still crying. Though uncomfortable he wrapped an arm around Scott's shoulders and held him there against his chest. "Not gonna leave," Logan repeated in a whisper but with more determination, feeling something well up in his chest. He was going to do what it took to get Scott back on his feet again, even though he wasn't sure where the feelings to do so were coming from.

It was the way things were going to happen though, Logan suddenly knew it through his whole body and soul. Scott needed someone…someone to help fight for him…and that someone was going to be him. Holding Scott tighter Logan pulled some covers over them and turned off the lamp. Scott tensed at the movements but was quick to relax and it wasn't long before he was breathing the even breaths of sleep. "You can stop fighting so hard now," Logan said quietly, stroking some stray hair off Scott's forehead. Then he too settled down for sleep, trusting his new determination to protect Scott to keep him safe from nightmares. To keep them both safe.

The End.