Title: Holding On

Authors: Creed Cascade and Echo's Revenge

Fandom: X-Men

Pairing: Wolverine/Cyclops

Rating: NC-17

Status: new

Archive: If you want it, go ahead. Just knock me upside the head and let me know.

Other websites:

Disclaimers: We have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. You don't ask where we get these strange plots starring mysteriously familiar characters, and we won't tell you that I make no money, only deliriously happy satisfaction. Very hush-hush.

Notes: Post X-2.

Summary: Scott and Wolverine are left alone to deal with their loss together.

Holding On

By Creed Cascade and Echo's Revenge

Cyclops pulled his knees up against his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. He tried to make himself smaller and tried to stop thinking. He was just sitting in the dark, leaning against footboard of their bed. Cyclops could even bring himself to lay on their bed let alone sleep on it. It smelt too much like Jean.

He wouldn't cry anymore. His mask might have cracked when he first knew Jean was gone, but he wouldn't let that happen again. He'd let his emotions slip as Wolverine held him back and cradled him as the X-Jet took off, but by the time they had reached the White House, he had the mask back on. He was Cyclops. Scott had died with Jean. Jean had been his comfort and family since the start. She had been like a sister turned lover and the centre of his universe. Now his universe was turned upside down.

The days slipped by one after the other and his control never cracked. No amount of control could hide the lack of sleep though. By the third day after their return from Canada dark circles were showing even under his visor and he was fighting to stay focused on what was going on around him even as his mind was blanketed with exhaustion.

He thought Wolverine would have taken off like he always did, but he hadn't. He didn't even go into a rage, instead he put his energy into rebuilding the school. The kids seemed to be drawn to Wolverine now, many of them with a hero complex and he didn't turn them away.

He was still trying to figure out why he hadn't left as he walked toward the wall Wolverine was helping rebuild. He didn't notice the loose stone laying in the hall, and when he tripped over it he was too startled to get his arms under him before he slammed into the floor and unconsciousness.

When he began to drift back into consciousness, he almost panicked when he was realized he was in bed. He hadn't slept in their bed since he'd come home alone… he started to moan and thrash. "No, no, no…"

"Cyke, calm down," Wolverine said getting up out of his chair. "You move around too much and you'll pull out the I.V. line." Wolverine pointed to the I.V. bag next to the hospital bed.

"I don't wanna be here," Cyclops moaned.

"Stay there and I'll call the Prof," Wolverine said going to the intercom. "You've been asleep for almost a full day and he's gonna want to look ya over."

"No!" Scott growled as he tried to sit up. "I'm getting out of here."

Wolverine was by his side in an instant. One large hand pressing him back into the bed. "You don't wanna take care of yourself that's fine, but I'm not letting you up 'till the Prof okay's it."

"I can't be here," Cyclops insisted, even as he looked around.. The medical lab was Jean's space.

"Want me to take you back to your room and the Prof can look at you there?" Wolverine could feel Cyclops' heart speed up under his hand as he looked around the room. All the sudden he realized it was being in Jean's lab that was upsetting him. "Back to my room?"

Cyclops didn't want to appear to be too desperate. "Fine, whatever. Just get me outta here."

Wolverine removed the I.V. with the quick efficiency of someone with medic training before scooping Cyclops up in his arms and walking toward his room.

"I can walk," Cyclops groused, but still he clung to Wolverine.

"Didn't seem like it yesterday," Wolverine said unlocking his door then kicking it open.

"I was just tired," Cyclops tried to blow it off.

Wolverine thumbed the intercom and told Xavier that Cyclops was in his room and needed to be looked over. "Prof'll be here in a few minutes, Cyke. You want some water or something?"

"Yeah, I could use some water," Cyclops agreed as Wolverine set him down on the bed. He turned his head into the pillow and inhaled. He smelt no Jean, instead only the deep masculine scent of Wolverine.

Logan smiled when he walked back into the room with a glass of water to see Scott asleep and curled up around his pillow. He was still moving in his sleep and every few seconds he'd bury his face in the pillow and smell it without waking up.

Wolverine set the glass down on the bedside table and sat on the bed. He reached out and began to card his fingers through Cyclops's hair. The next thing he knew Scott's head was burrowed into his lap and he was snuffling lightly, still asleep.

"He seems to be doing fine," Xavier said startling Wolverine who was lost in thought. "I pulled up the readings from before he left the lab and all he needs is some more sleep to get his body back to normal."

Wolverine continued to pet Cyclops's hair. "I don't think he's slept since…"

"No, he hasn't, at least not until now. Call me in my office if either of you need anything." Xavier smiled as he left the room. Definitely not what he'd expected, but it might be what was needed.

<><><><><><>

Cyclops was slowly drawn in conscious from a satisfying, deep sleep. When he felt a heavy, hairy arm across his chest he wondered for a split second if he had buy Jean a waxing kit and diet shake. Wolverine grunted behind him and pulled him a little closer without waking up.

Cyclops cracked one eye open to confirm that he was in fact in Wolverine's room and yes, he was in the same man's bed, with said man wrapped around him like an overly friendly puppy. He had two options… he could freak out or he could… get sniffed by Wolverine? Oh, that wasn't an option, that was a reality as Wolverine nuzzled and sniffed his hair.

"Hmmm, sleep more," Wolverine mumbled as he started to wake up. He hadn't slept this good in almost a week and he wanted to enjoy it. He knew who he was in bed with, but it hadn't really registered on a conscious level as he continued to rub his face in Cyclops' hair.

"Slept too much already," Cyclops grumbled, but he didn't struggle to get out of Wolverine's grip.

Wolverine started a low, rumbling growl in his chest that vibrated through both of them. "Sleep, Cyke, you need it." Came out between the rumbling.

"I'm not tired," Cyclops protested petulantly, even though he was still exhausted.

"Yes you are. We both are," Wolverine said waking up a little more. He liked having someone in bed with him even if they were both still dressed and the fact that Cyke hadn't run screaming yet was good. "Go back to sleep so I can go back to sleep, Cyke. Wake up in the morning." He brought his hand up and put his finger over Cyke's lip to quiet him.

Cyclops scowled at Wolverine, but yawned all the same. What he did next didn't have quite the reaction he expected. He continued to scowl, but bit Wolverine's finger and growled. How was he supposed to know that was exactly the sort of thing that was a mating ritual to Wolverine?

"Cyke," Wolverine moaned as he started nipping at the back of Cyclops' neck and thrusting against him. He brought another finger up to Cyclops' mouth and rubbed it across his lips before pushing it in his mouth for another bite.

"Logan?" Cyclops groaned and was shocked to feel the finger in his mouth again. He bit it thinking… well, he really wasn't thinking clearly at that point.

Wolverine felt a shudder shake through him at the second bite and hearing Cyke use his name. "Cyke, feels good," he said between harder nips at the back of his neck. While he was talking his other hand slid down between Cyclops' body and the bed until he started stroking him through his shorts.

"We shouldn't…" Cyclops moaned. This was the first time in days that he had felt anything other than emotional anguish.

"I won't force you, Cyke," Wolverine said slowing his movements, "but I'm not stopping unless you tell me too." He grabbed Cyclops' hand and brought it to his mouth. "I want this," he said before sucking a finger into his mouth and nibbling on it as it slowly pulled back out.

"Why?" Cyclops nearly sobbed. His own cock was starting to fill rapidly.

"Cuz I want you," Wolverine growled. He flipped Cyclops over and started pushing their erections against each other while moving his head to nuzzle Cyclops' jaw and ear.

Cyclops wanted Wolverine to make him forget, but he knew he would never forget. He wanted to beg Wolverine to make him feel again, but in truth he'd never stopped feeling. Maybe the best thing to beg for now was just to cum?

Wolverine rolled again so Cyclops was on top of him. He didn't want to scare the boy yet and this way he could feel more in control. Wolverine knew that as long as he had his arms and legs around him it didn't matter what position they were in. "Come on, Cyke. I want you," he said looking up and the slightly lost expression.

"Say that again," Cyclops demanded, pushing down against Wolverine.

"I want you?" Wolverine asked not quite believing that's what Cyclops wanted to hear. The resulting movement on top of him convinced him that was it though. "I want you," he said again.

Cyclops buried his head against the side of Wolverine's neck and began to move more desperately against him, spurred on by his words. Wolverine wanted him. Jean had wanted him once, but not enough to find a way to stay with him.

Wolverine ran his hands through Cyclops hair as they thrust against each other. Too many clothes to be what he really wanted but it was enough for now. He kept muttering "Want you," just barely loud enough to be heard until he felt Cyclops start to tense. Almost roughly he pulled Cyclops' head up and kissed him as they came one after the

other.

Cyclops didn't remember when the last time was he had cum in his pants, but he didn't care. He clung to Wolverine like the lifeline he was.

Wolverine rolled Cyclops off him and pulled off his sweats, wiping up as he took them off.. Then he carefully slit Cyclops' shirt and shorts with his claws and cleaned him up too. Once they were both naked and clean he spooned up behind Cyclops again. "Go back to sleep, Cyke, we're both still tired," he whispered.

"Fine," Cyclops mumbled. "But don't think I'm giving in or anything."

Wolverine chuckled and reached down to cup him possessively in one hand. "Sleep now," he said almost asleep himself.

<><><><><><>

When Wolverine woke up that morning, Cyclops was gone. He wasn't surprised that the boy had taken off. He *could* go hunting, but sometimes it was better to let the prey come closer before you pounce. He had no doubt in his mind that Cyclops would be back, it was only a matter of time.

After a few days he had started to wonder if he was wrong. Cyclops was still avoiding him and it looked like he was not sleeping at all. Worried that he might collapse again, Wolverine started checking up on him unnoticed every few hours. It was during one of those stalking sessions that he saw Rogue corner him.

Cyclops was going through some textbooks in a classroom, when Rogue came into the room. She tugged at her gloves and coughed, "I think we need to talk, Cyclops."

"What's wrong, Rogue?" Cyclops asked looking up from the books he was sorting.

"About your relationship with Wolverine."

"Um, relationship? We're friends, not having a relationship," Cyclops sat down as the feelings he had been holding at bay resurfaced. How good it had felt to actually sleep with someone holding him.

"Logan's my friend and I don't appreciate you screwing with him," Rogue said, moving a little closer. She picked up a book and leafed through it before throwing it back on the desk. "Or would that be, him screwing you?"

"This is not any of your business, Rogue," Cyclops said even as he started to blush. "I didn't initiate anything with Logan for him to be upset about."

"Oh yeah, then why has he been playing your shadow for the past couple of days? Why is he always watching you?" Rogue challenged. "We might have had it rough, but he was tortured. He needs someone to take care of him, not screw with his mind."

"I'm not the one screwing with people's minds. I'm not sure what's going on and it doesn't seem like he's going to tell me. I'd suggest you go ask him if you really want to know," Cyclops wobbled a little as he got up. "I'm going back to my room, Rogue.."

"You mean the room you shared with Jean?" Rogue scoffed lightly. "You sure got over her quick. Will you shove off Logan just as quickly?"

Cyclops didn't answer but the look on his face showed his pain at the mention of Jean. He pushed past her roughly and stumbled toward his room.

"Just because you're in pain doesn't give you an excuse to be use him!" Rogue called after him. She loved Bobby, but she loved Logan, too. She really did think Scott was playing him.

"Thinks I'm using him," Cyclops snorted not really caring if he was talking to himself as he walked to his room. "Like I have any idea what he even wants or why he did that.."

Cyclops closed the door and sighed because hadn't been back here since he'd left Wolverine's room. He was so tired, but he still couldn't bring himself to sleep in the bed he'd shared with Jean. He pulled down the shades and sat on the floor by the footboard. He pulled his knees to his chest and wondered if he should follow Jean…

Wolverine stood outside the door to Cyclops and Jean's old room for several minutes, wondering if he should go in. He'd heard Cyclops muttering in the hall before turning around and having a talk with Rogue. She was even more pissed off now, but he thought she'd leave Cyke alone in the future.

He expected to hear Cyclops moving around in the room or at least him throwing something a rage. However, he didn't hear anything but Cyclops low breathing and his fast beating heart.

Inside the room Cyclops was still rocking back and forth on the floor. He wondered if he had used Logan last week. He'd just felt guilty when he woke up so he'd left as fast as he could and since then he didn't know what to say about breaking down and then doing that just days after Jean died. "I don't fucking know," he shouted rocking back and forth even faster.

Wolverine opened to door and was able to walk towards Cyclops without him noticing. He heart almost broke when he saw the boy rocking back and forth. "What don't ya know?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know why we did that. I don't know if it makes me unfaithful to Jean. I don't know if I want to keep going," Cyclops said barely acknowledging Wolverine was even in the room.

Wolverine crouched down beside Cyclops and pulled to boy into a bear hug. "She's gone," Wolverine whispered. "You didn't cheat on her."

"Why?" Cyclops asked as he relaxed into the hug despite himself.

"She would've wanted you to be happy," Wolverine said, starting to stroke his hand through Cyclops hair.

Cyclops relaxed even further then tensed and pushed back. "I'm not using you am I? If you just think you owe this to me or something you don't."

"Maybe I need it too, bub," Wolverine challenged.

"Fine," Cyclops sighed. "If you need this until you're over Jean I don't mind."

"Cyke… Scott," Wolverine used his real name even though it sounded strange. "You can't tell me you didn't feel it before."

"It's okay, Logan, if you need this while you deal with things I don't mind. Just... just as long as..." his voice dropped to a whisper. "As long as you let me sleep in your bed until you're done with me."

"Won't be done with you anytime soon," Wolverine growled. "Now why don't we get you packed up? I don't want you comin' back in here."

Cyclops didn't answer at first. He just grabbed a sheet and started piling clothes on it. "I can't go with you when you leave you know," he said out of the blue. "I have to stay here."

"When did I say I was goin'? Too much work to do here," Wolverine shrugged. "The brats need protecting."

"Jean didn't stay and I think she loved me. Why would you stay?" Cyclops pulled the bundle together and stood up, waiting.

Wolverine wasn't the kind of guy who dealt with emotions easily. "Cause, ya know…"

"I'm really tired," Cyclops said opening the door. "Do you think I can sleep just a little before we do what you want to?"

"I didn't mean it like that…" Wolverine grumbled and started to usher Cyclops out the door. "I mean I wanna stick around… cause that feelin' shit, ya know?"

Cyclops just nodded at Wolverine, clearly not understanding what he was saying. He knew something important was being said, but all he could think about was sleeping. The last decent sleep he had was on Wolverine's bed and he was focused on being able to sleep nights for at least a little while.

Wolverine wrapped his arm around Cyclops's waist as he led him towards his room, not caring if anyone saw then. "Sleep on it. It'll sink in when you wake up."

Cyclops dropped his bundle on the floor as soon as they got in Wolverine's room. "You said I can sleep first," he said petulantly as he kicked off his shoes and started getting into bed.

Wolverine groaned. "Didn't mean it like that. Now get your ass into bed."

Cyclops slid under the sheets while Wolverine started putting away the clothes he'd brought over. He was almost ready to cry in frustration when he kept tossing, still unable to sleep. He had been so sure he'd be able to sleep here.

"Don't get your shorts in a knot," Wolverine called out, "I comin'. Just wanted to get your kit away."

Cyclops thought about arguing for a brief second then decided if Logan was willing to get into bed with him who was he to complain. He tried to hold still while he waited for the rest of his clothes to be put away.

"Ya know what, Cyke," Wolverine turned around and helped up a pair of underwear. "We gotta get rid of the tightie whities."

"Okay," Cyclops said. Right now he'd do anything if he could get some sleep. "Tomorrow?"

Wolverine tossed the tightie whities into the garbage can then stripped off his own clothes off. He wondered if it might bother Cyclops that he slept naked, but it wasn't like he wore underwear anyways. He crawled in next to Cyclops and pulled him against his

chest.

"Thank you," Cyclops said as he drifted off to sleep almost instantly.

<><><><><><>

Wolverine swallowed a yawn as he watched Cyclops still asleep and wrapped around him. He'd forced himself to wake up far earlier then he would have liked so he could make sure he didn't sneak out again. Not that it looked like Cyke was going to wake up anytime soon. Wolverine had been watching him for over two hours now and was getting more and more tempted to wake him up, but he remembered the comments from the night before. He didn't want to feed the impression that this was just a convenient lay for him.

Cyclops was still sleeping, but obviously dreaming when he started to thrash in Wolverine's arms. Wolverine thought Scott was dreaming about losing Jean again when he heard the boy moan, "Nooo… Logan, no…"

"Shh, I got ya, Cyke," Wolverine said tightening his grip some. He rocked back and forth and kept whispering to him, hoping he'd wake up on his own.

"Don't leave me, too…" Cyclops mumbled.

"Cyke, wake up, I've got you, not letting go," Wolverine said louder trying to wake him up.

Cyclops gasped and stiffened, "Let me go!"

"Cyke, it's alright," Wolverine said relaxing his grip enough that Cyclops could get out of he wanted. "You were having a nightmare and I was trying to wake you up. Everything's okay."

"It's not okay," Cyclops denied, still half asleep. "Jean's dead and it's my fault."

"No, you're not responsible for her choice. If any of us had been able to deflect the water we would have. She was the only on and she did what she had to do. Either of us might have been able to stop her and then we'd all be dead."

"I didn't love her enough," Cyclops mumbled. "I didn't love her the way I should."

"Hey," Wolverine pulled his head up so their eyes could meet, "she was a telepath. She knew how ya loved her and it she was satisfied with it. Everyone's eyes wander even when they're in love."

Cyclops actually snorted. "I loved her, but… but sometimes I thought about being with someone else. We'd been together since we're were kids cause no one else understood… there was no one else who loved me and she died knowing she wasn't enough for me…"

"Cyke, she was happy and she'd want you to be happy. She didn't do that so you could waste away," Wolverine said. He was pretty sure he knew what's Cyclops problem was, but he wasn't sure how to get through to him. He leaned in and kissed Cyclops. "I miss her too, but life has to go on," he said when he broke the kiss.

"She died knowing I wanted you," Cyclops whispered in a broken voice.

"I want you too, Cyke," Wolverine said then held him closer, not knowing what else to say that could calm him down.

"For now," Cyclops said and then started to caress Wolverine's biceps. "I can give you what you want."

Wolverine captured Cyclops' mouth in a kiss while his hands slipped under his pants to cup his ass. They'd already talked more then he wanted too. Maybe Cyke needed to just be shown some things.

"How do you want me?" Cyclops gasped at Wolverine's touch.

"Just want ya, Cyke," Wolverine said. "Don't wanna scare you off."

"I'll give you whatever you want…" Cyclops repeated again desperately.

"You want me to tell you what to do this time, Cyke?" Wolverine asked. When Cyclops nodded he smiled. "Ok, Cyke, this time if it's what you need. Let's get you undressed to start."

"Why are you naked?" Cyclops asked even as Wolverine started to pull down his shorts.

Wolverine chuckled. "Cuz that's how I sleep. You should try it sometime." He tossed the last of Cyclops' clothes off the bed. As long as he was down there he decided to take advantage of Cyclops' morning erection and swallowed the whole thing.

Wolverine held his hips down, even as Cyclops thrashed and howled.

"More," Cyclops almost shouted still trying to break Wolverine's grip. His hands were alternating between grasping at Wolverine's head and pushing at his hands.

Wolverine lifted his mouth off of Cyclops's cock with a loud slurp. "Oh yeah, I'll give ya more. Turn over, boy."

Cyclops briefly tried to pull Wolverine's head back down, he was so close it almost hurt. When he realized that was not going to happen he rolled over like he was told.

Wolverine reached over and grabbed some lube from his bedside table. "Gonna fuck ya through the mattress."

"It's been a long time," Cyclops gasped. "Since before I got off the streets." He'd expected this would happen and even though he was nervous his body positioned itself based on almost forgotten memories.

"I'm not anyone one else who's ever had ya like this," Wolverine said, as he leaned over Cyclops's back. "Cause I… ya know… care about ya and stuff."

Cyclops moaned and pushed back a little. He wasn't sure if he believed Wolverine, but for now he'd enjoy this.

Wolverine worked one finger into Cyclops slowly. "Breathe, Scott." It might have been his name, but it sounded like a pet name the way Wolverine said it, especially when he hardly ever called him that.

"I am. You don't have to go so slow, Logan. I can take it," Cyclops said as he moved his body in tandem with Wolverine's finger.

"Just cause ya can, doesn't mean I'm gonna do it," Wolverine said, slipping two fingers in. "Maybe you need sweet and slow right now."

"Please, Logan, I need you," said Cyclops. He was trying not to grind himself into the bed because he wanted to last until Logan was inside him.

Wolverine slathered lube on his cock and slowly started to push into Cyclops. "Hush, boy," Wolverine growled softly. "I need ya to."

"Feels good.. I thought it would hurt more after so long," Cyclops groaned picking up the pace of his movements.

Wolverine caressed Cyclops's hip. "I couldn't hurt ya like that."

They slowly built up speed until the room was filled with the sounds of panting and flesh on flesh. Cyclops was trying to hold off until he felt Wolverine getting close, but it was tough. He was so focused on Wolverine that he couldn't think about anything else and in spite of how wound up his body was he almost felt calm.

"Finish it, Scott," Wolverine growled and drilled into the man under him.

That was all he needed. With a cry he thrust back hard twice then came all over the bed. He felt Wolverine follow him over the edge as his ass clenched repeatedly around him.

Wolverine covered Cyclops with his body, but continued to pet and run his hands over his lovers skin. "I need ya," he kept repeating again and again.

"Need you too," Cyclops finally whispered back.

END.