Title: Inhibitions

Inhibitions
By Creed Cascade and TJ

It was a hot summer night so they only bothered to pull the sheet up their hips. Their skin stuck together, but Scott didn't care. He still laid close to Logan, with his head on the bigger man's chest. Logan held his lover close, enjoying the afterglow. Sex with Scott was always good whether it was hard and fast or slow and sweet. The man gave everything he had to it and Logan lapped it up.

Scott was running his fingers idly on Logan's pecs, playing with his chest hair. They'd been together for just about seven months now and he'd never known a more passionate lover. "Logan?"

"Yeah, Slim?"

"Ever thought…" Scott hesitated briefly. He'd been trying to get up the nerve to ask this for months.. "…about trying something different?"

"Different how?" Logan asked. "Think we've tried about every way possible. Unless you mean other people different. That what you mean?"

"No!" Scott said adamantly. There was no way he was willing to share Logan and his lover was right, they had tried every possible where and place, but he was always on the bottom. "Never mind, it was a stupid idea." He sighed and kissed Logan's chest gently.

"Out with it, Slim. Or I really will think you meant other people," Logan threatened. It wasn't often that Scott asked for anything. Whatever it was he wanted, Logan wanted to give it to him.

"I was just wondering… what it felt like when you… take me," Scott said quickly. "That's all."

"Feels like heaven. So tight and hot on my dick," Logan whispered.

Scott's breath hitched and his cock tried to take an interest. That always happened when Logan talked dirty to him. "W-Would you feel the same?"

"What do you mean?" Logan asked, suddenly wary. He had a good idea where the conversation was going and he didn't like it.

"I just wanted to know if most gay relationships were like ours?" Scott asked, not being able to come out and ask for directly what he wanted yet.

"Can't answer that. I guess it's different for everyone. You do what's right for you. Scott, what is it you're trying to ask for here?" Logan was tired of dancing around the question. He wanted
Scott to ask him and get it over with. He hated disappointing his lover but this was one thing that he simply couldn't give him.

Scott licked his lips and looked up at Logan. He wished Logan could see his eyes directly, because he was sure he was begging with them. "I've been thinking about making love to you… a lot."

"You wanna.... be inside me..." Logan whispered, clarifying it. "Scott, I can't. I'm sorry, babe. You know I'd do anything for you... just not that." Logan truly was sorry, but even the thought of letting another man penetrate him made his gut clench up and his blood turn to ice.

"Oh. Okay," Scott answered in a monotone voice. He was a little disappointed, but he wasn't surprised. They hadn't done that in the time they'd been together, not even bringing it up. He shouldn't have been surprised that a man like Logan wouldn't want to submit to a man like him.

"Hey, come on, don't be like that," Logan said. "I just... I can't, Scott. I'm sorry."

Scott reached up to touch Logan's face and smiled at him. "Nothing to apologize for. I'm not surprised or hurt."

"Bullshit," Logan smiled sadly. "Don't lie to me, kid. I can smell it on ya."

"Really, I'm okay with it," Scott insisted. "It was just a thought. You take care of me just fine."

Logan let it go, knowing there wasn't anything he could do about it anyway. He couldn't even explain his reasons to Scott. He didn't know them himself. He only knew that it was out of the question.

<><><><><><>

Water was all around. Tubes were attached to his body and he couldn't move, but he knew they'd be touching him soon. He could hear the scientists preparing the instruments outside of his tube. He tried to struggle but it was no use. They'd done something to him. Given him something to keep him from moving but it didn't keep him from feeling. He felt their hands on his body now, touching him. He knew what was coming next and he hated it more than anything else they did to him. Even the pain. Sometimes, one of the more sadistic scientists would reach down and fondle his genitals as one of the other inserted the metal probe into his ass. He could hear and understand every crash joke they made. He wanted to kill them all.

"NO!" Logan screamed, jerking awake. He thrashed beneath the sheet, slashing it down the center and throwing it from his body. It was long seconds before the nightmare lab faded and his bedroom took shape.

Scott was groaning on the floor, having been thrown from the bed by Logan's thrashing. Logan had had nightmares on a regular basis, but they had lessoned and stopped when Scott moved in.

"Shit! Slim, you okay?" Logan said as he scrambled over to the side of the bed. He saw a livid bruise already taking shape on Scott's face and flinched.

Scott was clutching at his noise. "Just a little noise bleed. My visor is still secure though."

"I'm sorry, babe," Logan apologized. He got out of bed and helped Scott to his feet. He sat him down on the bed and hurried to the bathroom for a cold cloth. When he came back, he sat down beside Scott and handed him the compress. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," Scott said.. His voice sounded funny as he pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the bleeding.. "It was an accident."

"Here, let me help," Logan said as he pushed Scott back against his pillow and held the compress to his face. He felt like shit for hurting the other man. He loved Scott with all his heart. He didn't like anyone causing his lover pain.

"I'd always get a nose bleed at the drop of a hat as a kid," Scott snorted and then winced at the pain it caused..

"You get 'em when you get popped in the nose by your lover, too," Logan said. A thought occurred to him then and he paled. "Jesus, Scott, if I hadn't knocked you outta the bed I could'a killed you. I was slicing the sheet up like crazy. If you'd still been beside me..."

"I wasn't," Scott tried to reassure Logan. "And you've stopped before you hurt me in past."

"What happens when I don't? What happens when I don't wake up right away and just start slashin'? It'd kill me if anything happened to you, Scott."

Scott clutched at his nose with one hand and then reached out to Logan with the other. They'd been through this before and Logan would always need reassurance. "I'm here, Logan and I still belong to you.."

Logan slid up beside his lover and wrapped his arms around him. Just holding Scott soothed him like nothing else could. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the side of his face, careful not to hurt his nose any further. "I love you, Slim."

"I love you, too," Scott said and then pulled away the cloth from his nose and saw that the bleeding had slowed, if not stopped. "See, all better now."

"Gonna have a bruise. Everybody's gonna ride my ass about it at breakfast."

"I can tell everyone I ran into a door again," Scott again. Three months ago, he had run into the bathroom door when his eyes were closed and his visor was off.

"They didn't believe it when it was the truth, they sure as hell aren't gonna believe it now.. They're gonna think I'm hurtin' ya. Guess this time they'll be right." Logan tightened his grip, wanting Scott as close as possible. Even after seven months people were still skeptical about their relationship. Scott got asked regularly what Logan had done to lure him into his bed.

Scott moved until he was straddling Logan's lap and they were chest to chest. Logan was always touchy feely when he was at his most insecure. "You did't mean to hurt me," he repeated. "The only thing that would really hurt me is if you left me."

"Never happen," Logan vowed. "Love you more than life. I'd die without ya. You know... the bed's already a wreck. You feel up ta foolin' around a bit?" Logan gripped his hips and ground their pelvises together. He was already getting hard and knew it wouldn't take much to get Scott hard, too.

"What exactly did you have in mind?" Scott whispered back with a breathy moan. "I should be getting up soon… I have paperwork to do."

"Oh, I definitely want ya... up..." Logan leered. "Wanna feel ya ridin' my cock. What do ya say?"

Scott loved this position because it was as close to being on top as he could get. "Yeah… yeah, I want to ride your cock."

Logan reached over and grabbed the lube out of the nightstand. He knew Scott didn't need to be stretched so he simply coated his cock while Scott arched up onto his knees. Spreading his lover's cheeks wide, Logan positioned his cock at the entrance to Scott's body and waited for Scott to do the rest.

Scott sank down onto Logan's cock with a heavy groan. He didn't know what it was like to take another man like this, but he knew that Logan was long and thick. "I can take it all…" Scott groaned. "Only you, Logan." He also knew playing up to the fact that he'd been a virgin to male sex when Logan first took him was a good way to tease the other man..

"You don't know what it does to me knowin' I'm the only man ta ever take ya like this," Logan moaned, his cock throbbing hotly at Scott's words. He had to fight to stay still, letting Scott set the pace as he rode up and down. Scott's own cock was hard and red between them and Logan wrapped his hand around it loosely.

Logan's hand was still covered in lube from when he prepared Scott, so when he grasped Scott's cock, it made a slick passage for him to fuck. He lifted himself nearly completely off of Logan and then slammed back down, fucking himself on Logan's cock, but also fucking Logan's hand. "Squeeze me harder…" Scott begged, trying to imagine that it would be like taking his lover.

Logan complied, tightening his hand around Scott's cock. He felt a twinge of guilt that he couldn't give Scott what he wanted but the feel of Scott's body, hot and slick on his cock, burned away everything else.

It didn't take much to send Scott over the edge and soon his cum was spilling into Logan's grasp. But he always thought about his lover first, so continued to fuck himself on Logan's cock.

"Oh yeah," Logan groaned. He continued to pump Scott's cock slowly, enjoying how it made him writhe on his dick. He could feel his own orgasm coming on quickly and grabbed Scott's hips. Jerking his lover down onto him all the way, Logan's cock began to pulse as he bathed
Scott's insides with his cum.

Scott rested his forehead against Logan's forehead and tried to breath in deeply as his gasped for breath. He chastised himself for even asking Logan for anymore. This was enough… more than enough. He loved and owed Logan so much. After Jean had died, Logan had been the only one to hold him together.

"Love ya, Slim," Logan whispered as he held Scott in his arms. He could feel his lover's semen cooling on his skin but he didn't move. Having Scott like this was worth just about anything and Logan wasn't going to give it up just because they were a little sticky..

"Love you, too," Scott mumbled and lazily licked at Logan's neck. "And I'm sorry."

"What ya sorry for?" Logan asked with a frown.

"Nothing," Scott said, letting it drop. "Why don't you take a nap while I get up and do some work."

"First tell me what you were apologizin' for," Logan said, tightening his grip on Scott's hips to let him know he wasn't going to let him just walk away from this.

"For planning on running away from a nice warm bed and you this early in the morning," Scott lied flawlessly.

Logan knew Scott wasn't being honest with him but he let it go. It was clear he didn't want to talk about it, which told Logan all he needed to know. "Okay," he said. "Let's get up so you can go get your paperwork done and I can go talk to Hank for a bit."

Scott made sure to squeeze Logan's cock with his internal muscles just before he pulled himself off. "Come get me for lunch, huh? I have a surprise for you…" He had something in the freezer that he'd been saving for Logan, but nothing distracted Logan like a good fuck and good food, so now he'd have both..

"It's a date," Logan grinned. He let Scott shower first, knowing that if they went in there together they'd never get going. When he came out, Logan kissed him hard then disappeared for his own shower. He knew by the time he came out, Scott would be gone. For once, that was fine by him. He had some things of his own he needed to take care of.

Logan went down to Hank's lab and entered without even bothering to knock.. "Ya home, blue boy?" he bellowed out.

"Ah, good to see you, my friend," Hank said, coming out of his office. "What brings you here today? You normally avoid this place at all costs."

"Only come here cause your ass doesn't come out of the lab for pretty much nothin'," Logan snorted with a grin. "That whole doctor's confidence stuff applies here, eh?"

"Always," Hank said, turning serious. "As does the confidence of a friend. Let's go into my office so we can close the door." Hank led them into his office and closed the door, even going so far as to lock it. Not that a locked door would keep everyone out but it was the best he could do. "Now sit down and tell Uncle Hank where it hurts."

"You're a big blue shit, ya know that?" Logan huffed and settled into a chair. "It's about me and Scott."

"All kidding aside, what's wrong?" Hank asked. "I thought things were going quite well for you two. Scott isn't sick, is he?"

"No, he's not sick, but… ah shit," Logan stopped and growled as he tried to get up the courage to talk to Hank. "Ya know he was a virgin that way before I came along, eh?"

"Yes," Hank replied. "Scott came to me for advise soon after your relationship began and confided as much. He was a bit... shall we say nervous... about that impending aspect and needed to talk."

"Oh," Logan was a little lost for a moment. "Well, not much has changed."

Hank looked at him, puzzled. "Really? I was under the impression that you had quite a substantial love life. Not that Scott gave any details, mind you, but he did confide that things had gone satisfactorily in that arena."

"Nah, I mean," Logan stopped and took another deep breath. He'd never been good at talking about stuff like this if it wasn't crass and in a pub. "He asked to top last night."

"Ah," Hank said, understanding now. "I take it you haven't done that before."

"Don't remember," Logan shrugged, "But I do know that I'm a top. Some people are made to top and some are made to bottom. I don't bottom."

"But Scott wants you to," Hank said. "Have you discussed this with him? Told him why you don't want to?"

"I don't know why," Logan admitted.. "I just can't. I thought I was making him happy, but…"

"Is this something you don't *want* to do or something you feel you *can't* do?" Hank asked.. He could tell Logan was seriously concerned about this. Scott was no doubt dealing with it but Logan held the insecurity that all lovers did when they thought they were not pleasing their mate.

"Even the thought of it…" Logan shivered minutely and then abruptly said, "I hit Scott."

"What?" Hank gasped.

"I hit him," Logan repeated. He knew people thought he was too rough with Scott and there were still rumours about the black eye Scott sported over three months ago. Scott really had run into a door, but no one believed that. "Made his nose bleed."

"And you did this intentionally?" Hank asked, unable to believe that Logan would ever willingly raise his hand to Scott outside of a training session. Even there he was loathe to do so and only agreed out of a need to improve Scott's fighting technique as much as possible.

"I woke up from a dream, but I still I hit him. It doesn't matter why. It only matters that I hit him."

"Oh, Logan," Hank said, relieved. "Lashing out in your sleep isn't something you can control.. It wasn't your fault. That's why they're called accidents."

"Don't care," Logan said stubbornly.. "I can't give him what he needs… he's not safe with me…"

"Logan, stop," Hank said firmly. "Let's take this one thing at a time. Now, knowing everything I know about the two of you, I don't believe Scott could be in safer hands then when he's with you."

"Jean never hit Scott," he mumbled. He was always comparing what he and Scott had with what his lover used to have with Jean.

"Are you certain of that?" Hank asked. Jean had suffered from her own share of nightmares, though most of them were of the precognitive variety. More than once Scott had ended up bruised and battered because of them. Not to mention the one time they'd fought and Jean had used her telekinesis to hurl a table at him.

"She couldn't hurt him, she was just a woman," Logan snorted. "I'm stronger than him."

"You have no idea, my friend. She actually broke his nose once. But that's not what we're talking about here. Scott is safe with you. Apologize for the injury then drop it. As for keeping him happy in bed... I think the real problem is understanding why you say you can't submit to him."

"That kinda has something to do with the dream," Logan said in a low tone.

"Tell me about the dream then," Hank encouraged.

"Don't remember much about it. I was back in the lab and there was a lot of testing…"

"What sort of testing?" Hank asked. He pulled over a note pad and began scribbling notes. At Logan's frown he hurried to assure him. "These will be in my private safe. No one will see them but me. Not even the Professor has access to it."

"Internal tests…" Logan said through gritted teeth.

"Internal.... I see," Hank said carefully. "Do you remember anything else?"

"I wanted to kill them. Remember that just fine."

"Were you raped?" Hank asked as gently as he could. That would explain Logan's inability to allow Scott to penetrate him. Even if he wasn't, the "internal testing" he'd mentioned could very well have been just as bad.

"Wolverine can't be raped!" Logan growled, snarling at Hank.

"No, but I'm quite sure that Logan can," Hank said calmly. Logan's reaction gave him a pretty good idea of the answer without him voicing it. He was saddened to think of what all had been done to this man and even more so that it might prevent him and Scott from sharing something that could be beautiful.

"I don't wanna remember this shit," Logan snarled. He'd come in here to try and find a way to get over his hang up, not dig up these memories. Real men didn't let themselves get raped and Logan's masculinity was one thing he never questioned.

"I know but this is the root of your problem with Scott," Hank explained. "Logan, have you told Scott any of this?"

"No, he don't need to know more of my problems," Logan was starting to feel trapped in Hank's office. A private joke between Scott and Logan was that Scott loved butch men, but he knew Scott really did love it. He didn't want Scott to know this.

"I think you need to. Sit down with him. Tell him about the dream, as much of it as you can remember. Talk to him, Logan. He loves you. This isn't going to change the way he sees you."

"Yeah, yeah… I guess so," Logan muttered. "Listen, Hank, I gotta go. Thanks."

"I can talk to him if you'd rather, but it would be better coming from you," Hank said as he stood up to walk Logan out. "At least think about it. You don't have to decide anything right now."

"The thing about not knowing about where you've been is that now really is important. Really, Hank… thanks. I gotta lot to think about."

"He won't turn away from you," Hank said as Logan walked away. "Have faith in his love for you if nothing else."

Faith in love was easy to say when you live a life that faced death every day. He was haunted by his memories of his past and he prayed they wouldn't drive him from the peace he had finally found with Scott. Logan spent the rest of morning wandering around the grounds. Finally, he reached a decision. Hank was right. He had to trust Scott, trust in what they had together. Noticing the time, he remembered he was supposed to meet Scott for lunch. Hurrying back to the school, he made up his mind to talk to Scott tonight. He knew it would take more than a single night but at least it was a start.

END.