Under the Blue Lights -
the writings of Paul Plesko

Recent Feedback

I love thoughtful, analytical feedback… so I thought, "Why not encourage it by including it in the new website."  It’s not that I don’t appreciate the "You're-one-fucking-hot-writer!" messages… they make me smile and reach for the keyboard.  But several people find deep messages and symbolism in what I write… some of it intended, and some not… so I thought that other readers might find it interesting. In most cases I have asked the writers for permission to use their private messages in this way.  If you’d prefer that I not include your feedback in future versions of this expanding portfolio, just let me know. Sorry… I’ve missed some excellent, recent feedback because I deleted it before I got the idea of including it here.  Keep the feedback coming! - Paul

Sorted by month: Oct. 02 | Dec. 02 | Jan. 03

Jan 14, 2003

What's different with your stories is you have given us the opportunity to know you. When I read one of your stories, I "see" you. But when I read (Aftermath, Requiem) I "hear" Brian Kinney. I like your Brian. He's strong, dominating, and multi-layered. He's also vulnerable and caring, but not in a wimpy, mooshy sort of way some authors perceive him. And of course, he's sexy as hell. Paul, I'm sure you've been told you write the hottest sex out there. I had to read and re-read the White Party verrrrrrrrry slooooowly so I could figure it all out, and thanks for the "visual aids".

I'm not analytical and don't know how to give constructive "feedback". I just know what I like, and I like your stories. Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent with us. More stories, please??

Terri

Jan 14, 2003

Be careful Paul...people are going to talk about this "ridiculously romantic" side of you--wouldn't want to spoil your image. ; )

Honestly, that story was so touching. I admit, I glanced up a time or two to see if the author really was *the Paul* of the wildly-hot fiction genre. Despite your reputation for the hottest QAF fiction on the net...your stories always have that angst and heartbreaking edge that give it such credibility.

Keep writing...we love ya!

W.

Jan 14, 2003

Paul,

Thanks for sharing the bittersweet Making Lists. You beautifully expressed just how vulnerable and fragile Brian can be when it comes to Justin. I almost wish the list had gotten stuck at the back of the drawer never to be found...

My Best,

Debbie

Jan 14, 2003

Paul,

I just have to tell you that you could have gotten me into a lot of trouble with your stories. I just came back from (country name deleted) and had printed out some fiction to read while I was gone. I saved your White Party for the end (reading one a night) and after reading the first one - I really needed some help!! I have to admit - I wanted to be home before I read the rest of the series so I could take care of myself as needed in private.

You write the best damn sex of ANYONE!!!!

I miss your banter a lot - but glad you are writing - though I have to admit I am way behind. So please keep it up and I will try to get it all read.

Jan 12, 2003

Okay, let me just say this once...if you ever tell me again you cannot or do not write romantic…I will have to beat your ASS. OMG...this one got me. I didn't cry…LOL… I do not cry. It wasn't Brian this time either. It was Justin. Maybe its because you don't usually write from his point of view. You tell me you can only write Brian dark and brooding. This fic changes that. Don't you think? And, I think you wrote J great! Oh, and do you want to know what part I loved the most… you know I will tell you anyway...LOL

I lay there, feeling my body rise and fall slowly with his gentle breathing. I had been unable to sleep without that sound in my ear since my departure. Even when his breath rasped into a gentle snore, it only brought a trace of a smile to my face. I loved his body, finally at-rest next to mine. The defenses were down; his face, peaceful. His profile, serene. This was what I missed most of all.

Aawwwwwwww...You had me at HELLO...LOL. Then when B wakes up...

He finally had accepted the "Trick-leaves-in-the-morning" … just when I was ready to rescind it. I sank back onto the bed, hands stretched out to my sides… fists clenched… eyes tightly closed. "Justin," I rasped with the first, rough voice of the day.

See, you give me a reason to like B with all his faults. To appreciate him. Plus, it just comes flooding out of you. That is why your stories are so good. But, the little side note about the Christmas gift. Okay, that just did me in. Tell me again the writer isn't a romantic...LOL or is he just toying with us gurlies??

*hugs* K

Jan 11, 2003

Well, Paul, you know I can't resist sending you feedback... I love telling you what I think of your stories almost as much as I enjoy reading them, because you are one of the few authors I know who not only speaks to the readers through his writing, but who actually really listens to them as well. Thank you for that.

This latest offering was a real treat to read, because it's been a while since you wrote a strictly B&J story... not that I don't enjoy the other stuff, but this was like coming home after a long and pleasant vacation (back to the Pitts after the White Party, I guess! LOL). What I find truly commendable about your writing is how you include the memories that Brian has of his past loves... you recognize and acknowledge the fact that he was making strong emotional connections to men long before he met Justin. The mention of John's gift to Brian in "Let Nothing Ye Dismay" [the book of prose and poetry... "a cumulative symbol of my love for you" he'd said] was so telling. Those writings turned out to be the proverbial albatross around Brian's neck... tying him to the past... both wonderful and painful memories... John thought the book might make them famous, posthumously... well, sadly, it seems to me that the only 'legacy' he left for Brian was a lot of shit he had to deal with -- on his own, at that. But you know what? What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right?

I learned something about Brian in reading the New Year's Eve story, that is, that John was the one who insisted on the verbal declaration of his partner's affection for him; it was he who needed it, who felt a sense of power, I imagine, from making his lover spout those words in the heat of the moment... perhaps this explains why Brian is so reluctant to utter those words to this day... not because he is incapable of saying them or feeling them, but because he has learned they simply do not matter... they are just that, 'words'... what matters is how you SHOW someone you care for them, by how you treat them, what you leave them with when you go away. And I would rather that Brian loved Justin every day for the rest of his life without uttering the phrase, than for him to be with someone he didn't care about and to whom he made false declarations.

I also wanted to comment on your use of metaphors in this piece... the chameleon walking across plaid fabric was a brilliant description for the variety of emotions that registered on Justin's face in the backroom of Babylon... and the kiss they shared later, outside... Brian milking Justin's tongue between his own tongue and the roof of his mouth... the imagery makes this scene intensely palpable. Whew!

Last, but most certainly not least... the rimming scene. Paul, that has to be one of the hottest, most arousing descriptions I've read... but not because of the actual sex, if that makes sense... ironically, I found it intensely erotic because it wasn't done in a blunt, down-'n-dirty kind of way, but because there was so much emotion there, so much - *gulp* - love! And I swear, when you started the whole 'forearm' thing, where Brian was repositioning himself, I thought it was going to turn into a fisting scene. If anyone could write it for those two, it would be you. The intense emotional connection would be incredible, I think. Have you ever written one, or thought about it? I don't recall ever seeing that in the qaf fic circles. I'm not sure it's even something that Brian and Justin would experiment with at this point in their relationship.

The end of the story was incredibly sad, but beautifully written... I would love to see where this goes... I'm amazed at how much you seem to love these two together, even though I know you would be happy if they each found peace apart from each other. The angst is killing me, but that's what I love about their story. Like with anything, immediate gratification is not always the best thing. We need to yearn, to anticipate with every fiber of our beings, sometimes, to truly appreciate the reward we receive...er, in the end (literally and figuratively, ha ha!!!)

Thanks again, Paul, you never disappoint, and you make this long hiatus so much more bearable with your terrific writing. Sorry for rambling!

cheers,

Heather ;)

[Reply from Paul] I feel so honored...that you would take the time to write such an incredible feedback. I'm going to add it to the Feedback section of the website... if you don't mind. You just seem to know what's in my head as I'm writing. Some of it is carefully crafted to play with readers' emotions and arousals... but some of it just comes streaming out as if someone else is writing it. And those are usually the best parts. I think you've read enough of my stories so you know my perceptions of Brian inside-and-out. And you certainly get past the suck-and-fuck stuff to what I'm truly trying to say about him (and perhaps myself.)

Thanks so much for your feedback. My hands are still shaking from reading it.......Paul

[Reply from Heather] You're very welcome for the feedback. Feel free to add it to the site. I'm glad that I have taken away some of what you intended from the stories, and I hope that you don't mind this need I have to climb inside your head and try to see things not only from Brian's perspective, but yours as well (in many instances, I believe they are one in the same). Your writings are particularly satisfying in that you have created a unique backstory for Brian, based on events that you are personally connected to (something that is critical when writing something so emotional, IMO) and you keep the thread going, so that long-time readers are rewarded with more than just the scenario taking place 'in-the-now' but also with a deeper understanding of the effect current events are having on Brian.

Jan 7, 2003

Hey Paul,

Happy New Year! First, I've been very remiss in sending you feedback and for that, I apologize. The website is fantastic! I love the color scheme, kinda dark and moody, but it works. Also, I love how you've done a floorplan of the loft; very cool. Now, on to your fics. I first became acquainted with you when you posted Requiem on the BJYahoo Group and I've been a fan ever since. Beautifully written, haunting even and the brimming emotion you have Brian feel is so...so real. I've actually read all four parts 3 times (which is something for me, because I hardly ever reread anything -- LOL!) and it still touches me and causes a reaction in me felt only by excellent writing. Then to read Tricking. I almost have no words for that one. Sharply written and had me feeling like I was on the journey (prowl) with you - hee! Also, I must say when Les (I think) posted a teaser about White Party, I was salivating like crazy; a Paul fic with assured sex scenes (wheeee!) and boy, was I not disappointed. Totally erotic, sexy and fun (you even made Ben believable as a total fucking hottie, with a personality (loved it)). However, I have to tell you that my *new* favorite fan-fic is Let Nothing Ye Dismay. So sad, but a beautiful read, nonetheless. When Brian thought... lie in the middle instead of leaving the empty space for Justin as I had done every night since his departure. I could picture this so much; it made me cry. I guess knowing that this story is kinda autobiographical and your willingness to share this much of yourself has touched me deeply. I really admire you for willing to share so much of yourself to your many fans and taking the time to write such awesome, heartfelt stories.

12/23/02 [Re: Let Nothing Ye Dismay]

Dear Paul:

I wanted to let know you how much I enjoyed your latest story…well that's not true, I didn't enjoy it per se, it was depressing and sad, wistful.. but a wonderful strong compelling tale...While I was enthralled by the white party chapters (yes, what can I say that others haven't? They were totally hot, etc., OK, and educational too, I admit it...new ideas began to dance in my head)...I am in awe your talent when writing from Brian's pov and your ability to weave in and out of the past in an effort to paint a clear picture of a very complex man. The back ground and character foundation ring true with the canon actions of Brian. You have gone further then the canon though, you have enriched and fill out a much more interesting person then the canon Brian as well. Thank you so much for the obvious time and effort you put into your writing, the qaf fan fic world would be a very lonely place without your talent. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season,

your fan :) Alexandra

12/22/02 [Re: White Party]

Paul,

I've been so busy that I have been remiss in not writing to tell you that the fourth and last day of White Party did not disappoint. I'm still fanning myself. As always for shear heat, you cannot be beat. Brian and Ben, a delightful pair, although I dare say, Ben did not get as much of Brian as he would have liked, but then, none of us do. Always leave them wanting more could also be a mantra for the tall, slender, muscular one with the beautiful eyes and gorgeous lips. I loved the <ahem> personal touches of your secondary characters in the fourth segment. Paul and Les, don't blame you one bit, hon.

Although I loved WP, I was really delighted today to find the link to "Dismay". I adore your semi-autobiographical fics so much. The way you reveal so much about Brian's feeling and what makes him tick by writing from your own emotional experiences really moves me. I've printed off "Dismay", but plan to reread "Aftermath" first. It's been a while and I need to refresh my memory.

SecretFan

12/22/02 [Re: Let Nothing Ye Dismay]

Paul,

I have read most of your stories and though I have not liked them all (a matter of personal taste) not a comment on your skill as a writer, I had to write you after reading this one.

You truly are able to express feelings through your writing and I know how it feels to be alone during the holidays. I just wish I'd find a present outside my door---believe me I would make that phone call.

Reply from Paul:

Well, if I could, I'd be there... outside your door... wearing a bow... and only a bow. LOL!

Thanks for your (honest) feedback. You didn't say what it was about my stories that you didn't like... but the fact that you wrote to me is satisfaction enough.

Many of my stories are autobiographical... so I can't claim to be able to fathom the feelings of others in my writing... just to express my own feelings, especially when I can attribute them to my clone, Brian Kinney.
GRIN!

Response from Anonymous:

At my age (57) seeing you wearing only a bow would probably give me heart failure!!!!! Not really, I can still appreciate a good looking man hence part of my attraction to QAF---but not the only reason I watch.

As for why I don't like your stories--I don't think "like" is the right word--sometimes they make me feel too much --be it hurt, pain, loss or whatever. Partly it is just my personal state of mind, I'm sure and partly maybe my own sense of loss that is with me constantly.

As I said it has nothing to do with your talent. As a matter of fact these feelings are a testament to your skill as a writer.

12/22/02 [Re: Let Nothing Ye Dismay]

Hey Paul,

i rarely write feedback,but after reading your latest fic i just couldn't hold myself!

i don't have to tell you that your writing is amazing, i love most of your fics, especially "Prometheus unbound" and the "aftermath" series... you write Brian like no one else, maybe because you recognize part of yourself in him...

i am not very good at this,so i just want to say that "Let Nothing Ye Dismay", touched me like very few fics have, especially the last part!! i will be waiting for your next part, whenever you feel like it, i'd very much like to know if Brian finally called Justin ;) keep up the good work, you have done great so far!

Maria

12/22/02 [Re: Let Nothing Ye Dismay]

Hey Paul,

Please, please. please say that there will be a part two to this story!!!???? That was just so sad, and so damn good. Nobody gets inside Brian's head like you, so please say that you will be continuing this story.

Later, Jammer

12/22/02 [Re: Let Nothing Ye Dismay]

Dear Paul,

Thank you so much for this wonderful treat. You have an amazing gift, the ability to portray Brian as no other author can. There is a bare bones honesty to the way you write him that I haven't the words for. As I read your work I find myself mirroring his despair (dismay indeed), ricocheting along until finally basking in this precious moment of joy. It's easy to blather on about the spirit of giving but here with Brian I truly believe it matters not what the box contains. And clever writer that you are, you didn't tell us.

Chelsea

12/19/02 [Re: Let Nothing Ye Dismay]

Fucking-ay, Paul...has my sadistic boss turned on the air conditioner, or do I actually have chills from reading this piece? I love your reflective Brian - he always has a lot to say - a lot of home truths he tells himself, but would never tell another soul. Sad, but true. His history appears complex and painful at times from your stories, but make a world of sense. It just feels right to me to assume his life experiences went the way you write.

His surprise at receiving a gift from Justin made me chuckle. It's the boy's nature to remember him, even in their separation. I've always had that impression of him from canon, that despite the breakup, he would not neglect Brian at this time of year. What he would have given him is another story. I'm curious.

MFB

12/19/02 [Re: White Party]

**SIGH** I think I have run out of ways to tell you how much I love your writing. This was a well-thought, excellent ending to this story. Hell, I am a total B&J girl. Now you have me all confused. You write Brian and Ben so well together. I was cheering them on! I love their conversations. They complement each other when you write them. The whole pool side convo after Gabe...it is so Brian.

I am no Brian. But, I share his views. I do not believe in LOVE and want no part of relationships anymore. Me, bitter...NO. LOL Maybe that is what I find in your stories. They suck me in because they ring true. Not fluff and romance all the time. Who has that? Tell me please. OK, done venting. LOL

Thank you for sharing your talent with us, Paul. You are truly remarkable. You are an excellent writer because you reveal and share yourself with us.
Anonymous

12/3/02 [Re: White Party]

Paul,

What can I say? I had so looked forward to this fic after your teaser about how hot it was, but was out of town for the holiday. I was thrilled to come home and find the second part up as well. I printed them both out. I can read some fanfic sitting at the computer, but not yours. Not yours! I prefer to treat myself to a nice, quiet cozy environment where I can fully enjoy the scope and intensity and of course, eroticism of your writing.

My, my, my! I'm still catching my breath. Brian and Ben together, a visual that is most appealing. I would have liked to have seen more footage in the actual televised episode, but you certainly filled in the blanks nicely. Have I told you how much I love Brian's physicality? And especially with someone who is his equal physically. But then this is coming from a woman who even as a girl had fantasies about being tied up and ravished by pirates and such. I not really into or that knowledgeable about BDSM, but I loved the competition for dominance, forcefulness and rough sex between two beautiful guys. And the fourway!!! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the gymnastics involved.

Now Part 2, ohmigod! Would you please thank Jen for the visual aid? Puh-leeze thank her! I pulled that sheet off the printer and just stared at it. I don't even know how long I sat transfixed by what I was looking at. I'm curious as to what kind of reaction you've had to it. I mean it's what we all really want to see each time Brian strips down and has sex, but we're never going to get to see that for real so the illusion was good enough for me. Will there be more? I recall a mention of the possibility. Some things I never forget. ha!

And you even topped <ahem> yourself in Part 2. The scene at the party with the marine. Oh yea! I loved watching Brian cut him away from the herd with Ben's help. What teamwork. And then the actual act plus an audience couldn't get any hotter. Don't mean to intrude, but have you ever been to the White Party your own sweet self? I mean is it really like that all out in the open? Wow! God, I've lived such a sheltered life. I always get so emotionally involved in your autobiographically flavored, angsty, emotionally driven fics like Prometheus and Requiem, but for shear heat, I'm really enjoying these 4 days in Miami. And for shear heat, no one does it better.

You've done it again, babe. Anonymous

12/02/02 [Re: Aftermath II]

Paul,

I read Aftermath II parts one through five. I found it engrossing, moving, sexy (limited by the bounds of the story) and beautifully written. Really! Sincerely! It is far above the quality of writing on the show itself. The character's are very well rounded and interesting especially Pamalla. It's richly detailed and either you are a real music buff or you must have had to do quite a bit of research. You have a talent and ability. I hope you will projects other than fan fic. Perhaps you have. If so I would like to see it. Not that there is anything wrong with fan fic and I will continue to read the rest, I just don't think you should limit yourself.

The only difficulty I have with the material is Brian. I have to visualize someone other than Gale. His looks just don't do it for me. He has a bad jaw line and his bod though nice is not spectacular. I visualize a dark and brooding Brad Pitt type. Really hot looking with an incredible bod. Actually often I visualise you. From the bit I've seen you are a lot hunkier than Gale.

I am sorry that Ethan turned out to be a jerk and wasn't more of a top so he could have fucked Justin's brains out. I think he is in an abusive relationship with Brian... but of course that's what causes all the tension and there wouldn't be a story without it.

David

12/1/02 [Re: White Party]

Well, I know better than to ever read your fic at work-just glad that it was a slow day and there was no one around at the time, hee!

THAT was even hotter than day one-and the pic-very nice visual to go with an awesome tale. You have interwoven the party with the sultry feel of the coast. Nothing like the bright sun and cool ocean breeze to add sizzle and suspend time... sounds like you speak from experience with the ocean scene- the buoyancy of the salt water-Brian's feet brushing against the sandy bottom, oh, yeah, you got that scene down Just Right! ( I grew up at the beach- and still keep a house there for quick getaways) Now if I could find more Brians and Armandos?. (Oh, and it would be even nicer if they were at least bi- but hey, voyarism is a good thing too.-funny that Cowlip found it astonishing that women would be such QAF fans. )

Looking foward to day 3 - just have to remember NOT to open that puppy at the office... (still fanning myself)

Anonymous

10/24/02 [Re: "Prometheus Unbound"]

I'm not exactly sure why I jumped over to e-mail you immediately after finishing this one, cuz I'm feeling a little weepy and I should still be gathering my thoughts. But here I am; I want to share some of my thoughts with you before life interrupts this story in my mind.

The hardest thing for me reading this (aside from knowing that Brian's heart was going to get broken) was separating you from the story. I know that there are autobiographical elements in a lot of your stories, but I think this was the first one that I read that I was completely aware that some of these scenes were or could have been "real." I hope that makes sense to you, because I'm struggling to put the feelings I had while reading it, into words. I may get back to you on this later.

You pulled me right into the story with this line: " ...excluded [people] tended to gather together... like droplets of oil coalescing into a larger drop because they couldn't mix with water..." I think just about everyone knows that feeling, and it pulled me right back into high school with complete understanding. I felt like I was there, and I instantly felt protective of Brian and the others (yes, even Mikey).

The jumping off the garage scene made the hospital roof scene from #101 that much more poignant. Your scene gave the show scene a history that not only made sense, but showed a growth in both Brian and Mikey and how far they've come.

Brian commenting on Mikey's all consuming fascination with comic books, and being able to quote them, reminded me of all of us who can quote QAF dialogue, scenes, and episodes!! Ironically, your story is giving me a better understanding of Mikey - who, on the show, I would love to slap! (Can you tell that I'm realizing some of this as I sit here and type this to you?)

I know I'm going to dwell on this one for a while too, but Brian seeing Jesus Christ and Prometheus - 2 myths - as similar and as human and desirable was very surprising. Someone could write a paper on that one alone!

Some things I found ironic and sad - Brian's "first kiss" being his priest, and his first sexual experience being his teacher - 2 people of authority and of supposed guidance... I don't think Brian let's himself go there too often, but that has to have an effect on someone. Also - Brian using sports to get closer to men he was attracted to - the priest and basketball, and Lee in track, and Brian's father not coming to see any of it. That bothers me. (Jack bothers me, and I'm glad you didn't really go there - because I don't think that Brian would waste too much time on him in telling his story, and we already know enough to grasp the damage that was done to Brian by his father.)

Finally, I wonder if Brian realizes the power he held when he was able to admit his love for Lee. I don't think he does, or he may have tried to get that back by finding someone else. By allowing himself of feel that love for Lee (even if it was only in private), he gained power from Deb, by promising not to hurt or lead Mikey where Mikey may not want to go. He became more of a protector of Mikey after that conversation, and that promise to Deb. Brian gained power over his priest (who ended up old and bitter), by telling the priest the truth, hearing the priest's path of choice, and choosing his own path of truth at that young age. That's empowering. I'm also guessing that this would have been the time that Brian really started questioning the religion he grew up in, and decided to think for himself. Brian's love for Lee allowed him to be tolerant of the 'girlfriends' and even compassionate towards Robyn, who he experimented with. Lee and Mikey (and Mikey's household) allowed Brian to step away from, and better survive his own household. They nourished him... loved that line, btw!!!

I so fucking love Brian Kinney, and I hate that he got his heart broken, but Duh! Who doesn't? And this is a story that needs to be told so that Brian can be better understood. It makes me feel good to know that he said "I love you" to Lee. (Joy)

10/18/02  [Re: Aftermath II part V] 

Let me tell you something about finding beauty and meaning: you can find beauty and meaning only where they already exist… Paul, you’re one of the few people whose writings make me think; one thought leading to another, one mental picture to another... thus covering great mileage; and if I add the exquisite language you use, with every word "strategically" placed in each sentence and clearly described and defined by the adjectives you use, I can tell you of the tremendous pleasure that anyone who reads your work feels... (Aliki)

10/17/02 [Re: Aftermath II part V]

"His need was met there in the darkness, but how or why was a mystery"... If Justin with his fair colors and his sunny disposition represents and identifies with Sunshine, then Brian is most certainly Darkness.  Gaiety vs. brooding nature, spontaneity vs. self-containment, enthusiasm vs. apathy; one reflecting and augmenting the light, while the other absorbs it and does not let it escape; yet, darkness can show us things that sunshine has never seen and will never be able to see, so darkness has the same right in existence as light does; furthermore, they cannot exist without each other, they are like the two sides of the same coin; the only problem is that a fine balance must be maintained so sunshine won't dissolve darkness and darkness won't completely engulf and consume sunshine. Keeping this last thought in mind, I do not see how Justin and Brian can go back together at this point.

I must confess I find your opinion on Art intriguing. The first category of artists is quite common today; I call it "art by commission", cause usually people are "asked' or "commissioned" to create art. The only problem is that since Art doesn't come from our mind (or at least from its conscious part) but for our heart and soul, it cannot be confined and it cannot be delivered as a schedule requires; and since this form of Art is (or eventually becomes) mainly soul-less, without particular inspiration, it can be characterized by its repetitive form, like hearing (or seeing, or reading) meaningless variations on the same Leitmotiv...

The second type of Art has to have pretty intense motivation, or it won't be brought into life; such Artists are not just gifted, they're driven by their need to Create and they are compelled to acknowledge this need. I think it can assume many forms, far more than the previous kind, since its Creator can use various means to express himself, and it entwines with the fourth type (as you describe it). As a matter of fact, I think that those two types go together, they describe the same phenomenon, just on a different scale. Besides, I believe that it doesn't matter whether an artist's creation is consummated by the public, or not, since the only real judge is Time. 

You wrote that "all creative people (I know) are either gay or crazy". I don't know if your spoke figuratively, but you're actually right. There's a very fine thread between genius and craziness; both lie beyond set limits and quite often ingenious people are considered crazy since the other people fail to comprehend them.  As for being gay, well that's an easy one. Gay men (well-balanced gay men that is) have managed to reconcile their Y with their X chromosome and get in touch with their feminine, passive side, without fear or hate; let me remind you that the basic difference between a woman and a man is that the woman can give birth...

You noticed I didn't comment on the third type, the striving for beauty. It is a hard struggle, as you said, but it causes great controversy; apart from what makes us consider something as beautiful/ugly, I think we should also think of what may happen during this striving for beauty... Since I consider Beauty is an Idea, I cannot find it in this plane of existence, I can only search for her Idol... (Aliki)

10/11/02  [Re: Prometheus Unbound]

LOL, no Paul, it's not that I understand what you write better than you do.... In your stories you do not write plain text but you draw images and an image addresses the subconscious; what I (or anyone else) understand depends on how I "process" the offered image, using my experiences, my knowledge, my intellect, my instincts etc. You know, there are two ways of watching a play: one is to identify with the hero and the other is to put some distance between yourself and the "scene" (NO, I'm not referring to Brecht's Verfremdungs-Effekt). The first method allows you to feel whatever the hero is feeling; the second offers a more clear and global view of what is going on... And as I have already stated, there are no answers to these question, for these were not questions, this was just me waxing philosophical and asking myself...

I think that the most crucial scene was that with the Confession: it was time for Brian to weigh his options and make his decisions, decisions that would determine his life... As for the scene with Debbie (we've already seen that the Brian/Michael relationship is like the lee/Brian relationship -following the same principles- but on a smaller scale), I'm not sure if Brian couldn't admit his sexuality to her or to himself; I mean he may have been acting on his impulses, but was he ready to admit to himself that he was gay and face the consequences of this admission???

I'm sorry you had to go through Lee's reversal, and I'm sorry for everything else you had to put up with, but remember that you survived it, even if you have the scars (experiences) to prove it; you were probably made stronger... (Aliki)

10/9/02 [Re: Prometheus Unbound]

I read your story 4 times (ok, the first time doesn't count, I wanted to see where you were getting it at) and each time I would pick up something different. I hope you understand that what you wrote is so much more than a simple "background" story... Apart from supplying "Brian's present with a past" and all the interesting insight into Brian's complex character, or rather how Brian's character became so complex, you brought up a lot of dealing with their own unresolved issues, by forcing themselves on others who are weak (ergo defenseless), or do they copy the behavior patterns of use and abuse they see among the "grown-ups"?  What standards do these kids have, what are their role-models and who do they look up to?  And what of kids who are unable to interact with others and are forced to loneliness? And what of the kids who might have been accepted by other kids, but chose to keep their distance and become loners? By not mingling and mixing, they can certainly retain their individuality and "independence", and still have a good perspective on what's going on; but when did Prometheus stop being "marginally outsider" and became an "outcast"??? 

Seeing Michael with his mother (in the serial, not various fics), I couldn't help wondering whether he would have turned out differently, being more "normal" (in touch with reality that is) and developed a spine, if his mother didn't have such a strong and imposing character... It's like he had to create an alternate reality, a world of his own where he could find refuge; Brian was always welcome into this imagined world - fourth cloud to the left - and sometimes he chose to accept the invitation... I think you're right when you write than Debbie and Michael are "cause-and-effect, flip-sides of the same coin"... 

The flashback is extremely interesting [PARENTHESIS: at this point I have to disagree with my friend Brian and tell him that the picture of Prometheus Bound he saw was not correct; Prometheus always stands on his feet, but he is semi-reclined on the rock behind him (where he's bound), with his knees slightly bent, but never kneeling and never reclining on his back... the reason is that Prometheus keeps fighting, he cannot and will not surrender, it's against his very nature, so he'll continue suffering being proud and unyielding; this picture is typical for both the Doric and Attic pots and seal-stones ( a stone engraved to give such an impression when used as a seal; the "amulet" of Orpheus crucifix you found was such a seal-stone). It is also his main difference from Jesus-crucifix, who willingly submits his will to the will of the Father... but this is another discussion.]. Let's return to his flashback: the awaking of Brian's body, the discovery of the attraction that another male body held, the awareness of his own sexuality, the craving for something that he couldn't specify, the channeling of his first desires into (religious) symbols and not into real people which enabled him to express himself without dealing immediately with the consequences of his choice... You're right, Paul, there is something highly erotic in the picture of a Crucifix (though I'm certain most people would consider this a blasphemy); let's not forget the definition of "Eros" (I'm sorry but this word, like the word "Logos", cannot be translated, you'll have to bear...) by Socrates, as it was given to him by Diotima (in the platonic "Symposium"), with Eros being the Daemon which brings the soul closer to the Divine [PARENTHESIS: the term "daemon", ÄÁÉÌÙÍ, or "demon" (simplified spelling) comes from the useless verb "EIDO" which means "know well" (the past tense of this verb, which is E-FI-DON, or FEI-DON and also means "saw", passes into Latin as "videre" and gives words such as "vision". "video" etc; that was a piece of useless information you can store for future reference, LOL); since the "daemon" is someone who knows well, the daemon cannot be human, he/she is closer to the Divine, so the daemon is a demigod (and in very ancient texts the terms "daemon' and "ÈÅÏÓ-God" mean exactly the same; needless to say that a daemon isn't evil. With the "change" of religion, every single god or daemon of the ancient religions was considered evil, hence the change in the meaning of the word...].   We should also keep in mind  (though I'm sure poor Brian didn't have the faintest idea) all that has been written by the various Fathers on "Divine Eros" leading to the "secret union" (between whom? God and man?...)   The picture of the Crucifix (in the Orthodox tradition this picture is called "the absolute humiliation") is very intense and so is the picture of Prometheus; both pictures have been imprinted on Brian's subconscious, making him associate his sexual awakening with pain and suffering...  

The scene where Brian is confessing is also very powerful and indicating of Brian's idiosyncrasy (as we know it today); we see two completely different people dealing with their mutual "problem", their homosexuality: The Priest, who leads his life divided in two, trying to differentiate between "feeling" and "acting on his feelings", and forgetting the unity of body-mind-spirit (and BTW he's right, it is hair-splitting). I do not recall God asking for any kind of pact; on the contrary, I recall God as being androgynous... His solution is unique: he doesn't lie to himself, he just avoids the question.  Brian's approach is exceptional, despite his young age (this kid must have shown his true colors quite early, LOL, the "no apologies, no regrets" motto had already been set in motion...); we can see him, marching out of the Priest's office with his head up, his dignity intact and his heart in shreds; being Irish and Catholic, he needed guts to do what he did, and if not for anything else, Brian's has proved he's got guts.

I saved Lee for the end. You were right, Lee played Prometheus to Brian's mere man; He was the one who covered Brian's inadequacy, an inadequacy that Brian could feel, but didn't know how to mend; the one who accepted, and covered and sheltered him at his time of need; the one who provided the sparkle which lighted the fire; the one who smoothed his path, but let him find his own way; the one who left, so Brian could take his place and assume the role of Prometheus (but this time Unbound)... So far so good; what I cannot understand is Lee's reaction to what had happened some time ago. Of course, I can always interpret it as his attempt to release Brian and let him follow his own path, but something tells me that this isn't the case.  I can understand experimentation, in fact I believe that all people (at least of the younger generations) have explored their sexual orientation and experiment a bit, but such a vehement denial of what happened leaves me wondering...

Paul, you were right not to want to post this story in pieces, it wouldn't make any sense (unless we chose to read only the sex-scenes, LOL). Let me tell you once again how amazing this story -as a whole- was; the original idea, the gradual development of the plot-line and the final resolution, the superb language... Thank you for taking the pain to write it and to share it with us...   (Aliki.)

10/9/02 [Re: Prometheus Unbound]

When Les posted that you had a new story up, and told us: "the main focus of the story is Brian's relationship with an older guy at school-his first love in fact- and how that relationship ultimately shapes Brian's outlook on love which in turn in later years, as we all know, goes on to effect his relationship with Justin," I wondered how this story would differ from Requiem Aeternam, and how Lee would compare to John Brigham.  Assuming that your stories do not stand alone, I was surprised to hear that Lee, not John, was the one who shaped Brian's outlook on love.  Having read Prometheus Unbound, however, I can see how the relationship between Lee and Brian would have a huge impact on both of their lives for years to come. Can you comment on this?  I'd like to know if I am making incorrect assumptions.

I know that some of what you write is semi-autobiographical, which would explain why the emotions are so intense ('write what you know' kind of thing). You write beautifully, and I am often moved to tears reading your stories.  I want to just reach out and give you and/or Brian a big hug.  LOL (Heather)

10/8/02 [Re: Prometheus Unbound]

I love the way you incorporated what we do know from canon of Brian's back story into such a believable fiction. Watching him discover his sexuality through your words was a thing of beauty to behold. The sensuality fairly oozed off of the page. The curiosity. The eagerness. The risk taking behavior all common to teens experimenting with the new found creation that they think belongs only to them. Ahhhh, I remember it well. God, the chances I took! But to get to experience this from the perspective of a beautiful gay young man/boy was truly an unexpected pleasure. Did I mention it was hot? (Anonymous)