I've always been judged on my abilities...not my sexual orientation. And I've always been able to overcome almost anything Life put in my path. I've just done what I had to...to succeed. And all of this has certainly been put-to-the-test lately. Sure...I had planned to use Jim Stockwell's campaign as a stepping-stone to even richer and more influential clients; Jim sure had that figured-out right. It'll be my ticket from Pittsburgh to New York...a giant step up...more power and influence...and even greater success. But I was a little surprised when he said that he liked me and shared some of his misgiving about being mayor. Everyone has some self-doubt, I guess. Mine is buried pretty deep, but it's there. And I keep having lingering doubts about my role in his campaign. He shared lots more with me....about his family...especially his boys...and my respect for him became even deeper.
As soon as he wins the election, Jim will soft-pedal his attack on the gay community. Closing Woody's was just a publicity ploy. Five minutes on the evening news...Woody's pays a fine...the bar opens...everything is back to normal. He's not homophobic...just realistic. He's using crime-fighting as HIS stepping stone because that's what he does as the Chief of Police. It's a way of being noticed...of getting press-time. And Liberty Avenue is just an easy, familiar, localized target. And he's right...there's plenty of drugs, crime, and prostitution there; I should know...I've sampled them all at one time or another.
Homophobia is mostly ignorance...or short-sightedness. In high school I learned there were several ways to fight it...and I've used them all at one time or another. Some guys hate gays...until you get their cocks in your mouth; a good blow-job has made many straight guys change their opinions. If that doesn't work, a sharp kick in the balls may reduce your risk of being a future target...or, in some cases, finding someone else to do the kicking. I've used ridicule and humor as a weapon...making some dumb jock appear to be a fool in front of his friends because of his own (possible) insecurity about his sexuality; there's a little self-doubt in all of them. Sometimes there's strength in numbers, although I've never been one to join groups or movements...especially the kind of demonstration Deb has been organizing. Playing the role of "victim" isn't my style. Blaming other people for bad things that happen is simply a way of diverting your efforts from a solution. We're judged, ultimately, by what we do...not what someone does TO us. Deb's antics are just giving Stockwell free press-time.
I must admit I was surprised when Jim sacked me. I'd given him credit for more sense...but those wimps on his staff talked him into it, just like all their other bad advice. I've never hidden my sexuality from him...and it's none of his damned business. He said he wouldn't do anything that might cost him the campaign...and then he fired the best advisor he's had.
The polls showed that I was right. I went back to his office the next day...almost the same way Justin came to me after I fired him. I could almost hear myself saying the same words. "I've decided you should take me back." No begging; just good sense. When I reminded him that he should only pick on guys his own size, he realized the gay community was bigger than he thought, ...not just a collection of weak, effeminate individuals. Hell, even straight people have gay members of their families...or gay friends...and if not, they know someone else who could be a possible target of a similar attack in the future. I asked Jim if he thought the world would be a better place without gay people...and then reminded him that much of the culture we hold dear was the product of gay people, many of whom never came-out because of the fear of persecution...fear of the kind of tactics he was using to get elected. And then I suggested the obvious...that he show that his crack-down was not directed at all gay people, but at crime in-general, by mentioning my sexuality in a carefully worded press statement. He needed me, even though I betrayed my own principles somewhat by letting him exploit me. I didn't ask to be fired because of my sexuality; I wasn't too keen on being re-hired for my sexuality. But as they say, "the ends justify the means."
Advertising is a lot like politics...developing the ability to lie with a straight face. They're not so much errors of commission...saying things that are untrue...because someone can always catch that kind of lying. But, instead, they're errors of omission...leaving things ambiguous, unclear, or incomplete. Jim is almost too truthful to be a politician
I went back to the loft for some dinner...then explored the chat-rooms specializing in Pittsburgh-tricking at gay.com. It's like a sexual-smorgasbord....guys of all types and interests. It's a challenge...a test of my ability to attract guys...a test of my stamina...a chance to reinforce the Kinney-legend....and a chance to confront my sexuality head-on, no-holds-barred, no limits, and no guarantee of safety. The arousal of the hunt. The thrill of the catch. The primitive satisfaction of "the kill." Primeval urges.
At 9:30, there was a knock at the door...too early for the trick-of-the-evening. It was Justin, filled with pleasure about reaching an agreement with Mikey concerning the Rage cover, which he held in his eager hand. Rage was getting a hot blow-job from J.T....bordering on outright pornography. No subtlety in Issue 2!
I warned him, from the beginning, that a trick was arriving at 11:00. A shadow of concern passed across his face, like a fleeting cloud on a sunny day...but he wanted to stay until the guy arrived. "We'll see if his pictures does him justice," he said. "They all try to look like Tom Cruise or Leonardo di Caprio."
One thing led to another and we ended-up in bed...with Justin on-top giving the best blow-job I've ever received. [And that's saying a LOT!] When he was finished, I just wanted to hold him. Having him there in my bed again felt so natural...so right.
And then the second knock on the door. He gave me that knowing smile...as if he was challenging me to fuck this trick after such a huge cum-shot. But he knows my capabilities. I didn't want him to leave, but he did. I sent the trick home early, and slept alone smelling the faint scent of Justin's skin in my bed for the first time in several months.
There we were back on the dance floor. Brian and I. Just like we used to only better. It was as if we were the only two people there even though Babylon was wall-to-wall male bodies as usual. I saw only his face. Felt only his touch. Smelled only his scent. It was fucking incredible. We held each other, touched each other, licked each other while we danced away all the old hurt and anger. I felt as if my whole body had been purged of some infection. I know the gang was staring at us. I could feel their gaze on us but who cares? I was with Brian and that's all that mattered. We stopped dancing and he took my hand and led me to the backroom. I would have liked to have gone to the loft. I even suggested it. But he was so horny. He couldn't wait. He wanted me right then and there and that made me feel so good. I wanted him just as much. So we did it where we've both done other guys so many times. At least Brian has. Well only a few for me. He leaned me against the wall, reached around my waist and slid my pants down. "I'm going to fuck you here... now... as hard as I can" he whispered into my ear as he nibbled on the lobe. "Do it. Fuck me, Brian." He eased into me like he's done so many times. But now he was showing everyone that I was his and I wanted them to know it. He pumped and pumped in and out of my ass until I didn't think I could stand even with the wall and Brian's strong arms supporting me. Then he grabbed my cock with one hand and pumped me to a climax while he filled the condom with his own spunk. Now I know where the expression "wide-eyed in Babylon" comes from.
I thought my new illustration for the Rage cover was really good. It showed J.T. giving rage a really hot blow-job. I thought it was just what the comic needed. I was trying to show how J.T. was melting Rage's cold heart. Mikey of course got all freaked out about it. He said he was afraid we'd be arrested but I know the real reason. He's still jealous of Brian and I and I suppose he always will be. "You were right" I told him. "Brian really does love me. I just didn't want to see it." I also didn't want to hear it from Mikey. He may be Brian's best friend but I'll never trust him again. Especially now that I know that deep down he hates and resents me so much. Brian is right. Mikey is so pathetic. He wanted to use a more traditional and predictable cover but I'm pushing for mine so I left it with him to think about. Maybe he'll grow some balls as Brian says.
The diner was crazy. Not only was everyone all geared up about the big strip show at Woody's but Deb is rallying all the troops against Stockwell. She is majorly pissed at Brian for handling that guy's campaign account. But I'm not going to judge him. Brian always seems to have a logical reason for his actions especially when it comes to business decisions. He's always saying "you shouldn't mix business with personal feelings." That's one of the many lessons he has taught me.
Woody's was so much fun. Brian and I really enjoyed being there together. It's as if all the tension between us has flown away. He's so bad sometimes. He offered this guy a hundred bucks to show his cock on stage and fuck if the guy didn't do it. But then some undercover cop threw everyone out and shut the bar down for indecent behavior or some bullshit. Of course Deb blamed it all on Brian again for working for Stockwell. I love Deb like a second Mom but she's so hard on Brian. I wish she'd try to understand him a little better.
I couldn't wait to show Brian the Rage comic. Mikey actually agreed to use the blow-job drawing. I took it over to the loft to show him. He said he had already arranged for a trick to come over at 11 but we had plenty of time if I was up for it. Of course I was. It still hurts a little knowing Brian has sex with other guys but at least now I know without a doubt that's all it is. Just sex. Now that I know for sure he truly loves me and that I have an important place in his life I really think I can handle it. One thing's for sure. I was miserable without him.
God it felt so good to be back in Brian's bed. The blue lights are gone. He's replaced them with gold ones. We lay there naked on his bed. I decided to reenact the rage cover. It was probably the best blow-job I've ever given. Judging from the moans he made and the look of ecstasy on his face it was. I sucked his cock like there was no tomorrow. An erotic combination of tenderness and wild, uncontrollable sexual hunger. The load he shot was so big I thought I would choke. I love the way Brian taste. No one taste as good as he does. I could drink his cum all night and never get enough of it.
Afterwards he draped his arm around me and pulled me close to him so that my head was resting on his chest. Brian is not usually so affectionate after sex so his warmth and tenderness towards me made me feel teen feet tall.
We heard a knock on the door. "It's my 11 o'clock" he said as he got up. Slid on a pair of jeans and went to the door. This really cute guy came in while I was getting dressed. "Who's he?" he asked. Brian smiled at me and said "He's the guy I fuck more than once." "Unlike YOU" I added grinning like a Cheshire cat. Brian pulled me into his arms once more and kissed me goodnight. I would have loved to be with him all night but as weird as it was leaving Brian and that trick together I couldn't help but feel happiness knowing we have finally seemed to have reached a real, deep understanding between us. I think Brian felt the same happiness judging by the way he held me and looked at me. We'll see. Life with Brian Kinney is never dull.
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