Email: slashgirl@gmail.com

Title: Broken
Fandom: CSI
Characters: Gil Grissom/Warrick Brown
Prompt: 071 Broken
Word Count: 1121
Rating: PG/FRT
Author's Notes: Spoilers for S6.
 

Broken
by Stacy L.A. Stronach

"I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I’m ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You’re a little late, I’m already torn."
"Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia

Warrick Brown is married. I fake the sincerity of good wishes for him, hiding my true reaction of shock behind my usual mask. Later, much later, I close the door to my office and shut off the lights.

He may as well have torn my heart out, stomping on it while I watch. I'm pacing now, and I hate pacing but my mind is turning somersaults and cartwheels and zinging all over the place with my body reflecting that restlessness. Finally, I go over and watch my spiders, deciding to feed them. I observe as they slowly consume their food, their slow, measured, almost predictable movements comforting in their sameness.

Briefly, thoughts of poisonous spiders flash through my mind and suddenly I'm acutely glad I have none in my collection. Of course, Black Widows are common here and to have one in a house wouldn't be unheard of. I briefly wonder who I'd want it to bite, Mr. or Mrs. Brown, and then I decide both. I consider that of all the people around, I'd have the best chance of pulling off the perfect murder. I chuckle as I realise that both of them dying from spider bites would be …suspicious. If I had to choose, I'd choose her. Let him experience the pain of losing someone.

Christ! I lean my head against the glass case, angry that I'm having revenge fantasies. I've let Warrick affect me too much. Of course, I love him, how could this not effect me? I thought that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same. We'd been having an affair for almost three months. But where was the evidence? The only evidence I had was that he enjoyed having sex with me…once again, I've let my emotions cloud my objectivity. Well, I won't make that mistake again. I have to finally accept that I’m meant to be alone in this life.

I walk over to my bookshelves and pick up one of my favourite entomology texts. Looking up items at random and the leaps I make from one entry to another almost always helps me calm down. It distracts and I definitely need that right now. I turn on a small lamp on my desk, opening the book to near the middle. Before I can start reading, I hear my office door being slowly opened and the sound of a throat clearing. I sigh as I recognise it as Sara Sidle. Not the sort of distraction I'm looking for.

"Gil, are you here?" she says before spotting me at my desk.

I'm not in the mood to be social and polite. "When someone's office is dark and the door is closed, that usually indicates he or she does not wish to be disturbed," I say tersely.

"I just thought I'd see—"

"You thought wrong. I'd like to be alone, please." I'm not in the mood to deal with her today. "If it's case related, then talk to Catherine," I add, on the off chance she's actually here for something work related.

"Well, no, are you okay? Can I help?"

I can't decide if she's persistent or just plain stupid. "What part of 'be alone' did you not understand?" I ask and I am angry now. I can see her face dimly in the shadows and she is shocked by my words and my tone. Good.

She gets that hard, ugly look she often has. "Excuse me for caring," she says snidely. "I won't bother you any further," she adds as she walks out the door.

If only she meant that, I think morosely. I turn my attention back to the words on the page and am soon lost in the world of bugs. In fact, I get so engrossed in my bugs that I almost don't hear the hesitant knock on my door. I lean back in my chair, muttering "Fuck" under my breath. "Who is it?" I ask aloud.


"Warrick," comes the reply and he opens the door, even though I didn't bade him enter. He walks in hesitantly, obviously unsure of what to expect and he closes the door behind him.

A thought passes through my head about what should happen to young people who come into darkened offices quite uninvited. "What do you want?"

"To talk to you," Warrick replies.

"A little too late for that," I say, managing, barely, to keep from yelling at him. "I really don't want to talk to you right now, Warrick."

"Gil, please, give me a chance to explain—"

"What in the hell is there to explain? You decided to get married. That's fine. You've made your choice, your preference very obvious," I say.

"Gil, it's not like that. I—"

I hold my hand up. "Don't, just…don't, please." I stand up and move to stand in front of him. That might not have been the best idea, his scent almost overwhelms me and I close my eyes, gathering my will. "You don't owe me anything, it's not like we'd made a commitment to each other or anything. Or even that I loved you, you know," I'm whispering harshly, knowing that if I don't, I'd bee yelling at him. My office isn't sound proof and I don't need the whole lab involved with my personal life.

Warrick looks surprised. "You're in love with me?" he manages.

"Imagine that," I say sourly. "But don't you worry about me, Warrick, I'll pick up the pieces and I'll get over you. I'll even be able to work with you but I need some time. Please, just let me be," I ask quietly.

"I really need to talk to you about this, please?"

I close my eyes, again, hating being this close to him and unable to touch him, unable to kiss and hold him, now or ever again. "Warrick, if you can't respect anything else about me, please, just respect my wishes for right now?" I hate the plaintive tone I hear my voice, but I just want him to leave. Now. I open my eyes, staring at him.

He takes a breath as if he's going to speak, but something makes him change his mind. I don't know if it's my words or something in my eyes. Finally, he just whispers, "Okay. I'll…I'll see you later, Gris." He stares at me for a few moments, then, with a defeated sigh, he turns and walks out of my office.

I watch Warrick leave and while I've told him most of the truth, I haven't told him the whole truth: Yes, I'll pick up the pieces of me. But when they settle back, they won't fit the same, ever again, because pieces of me will always be with him.

**the end**